A new play call'd The Pragmatical Jesuit new-leven'd a comedy
Carpenter, Richard, d. 1670?

Act 4. Scene 2.

A little Bell Rings. Enter Father Nelson, F. Robert, F. Pri∣or, Monks, one after the other.
F. Nelson.

This Bell calls us to Coun∣sil. Come Father Robert: but where's F. Prior?

F. Rob.

He comes.

Nels.

Reverend Father Prior, having lodg'd this Meteor of a man in the Bastille, we must secure him there by plausible rea∣sons dispers'd amongst the people.

Rob.

Yes, Father Prior, our soundest and profoundest way of proceeding will be, to give amongst the people, that he is an Intelligencer and Spy from the Re∣bels in England, and that there has been a continual intercourse of Letters betwixt them and him.

Pri.

But Fathers, I have heard from persons of untainted reputation that he has been seven times Imprison'd, and twice Plunder'd to the last farthing, in the defence and favour of the Royal Party.

Nels.

It slenders not our cause. The Page  36 business is agitated here, whither such a report can not easily reach; I have other∣wise posses't and fill'd the Chancellor; and ordain'd by his Order and Sanction, that besides his being Dungeon'd, he shall be punish'd beyond humane sufferance; for, as the honest English Taylor holily and cross-legg'd saies: he deserves to be stab'd or have his throat cut.

Rob.

Reverend F. Prior, you have Ca∣pitulum lepidissimum, a notable head-piece; and you look so like a carcass, and with such a mortified countenance, so like the ghost of Godlinesse, that whatsoe∣ver you countenance, will pass for pure and holy. Licence me to speak a free word: you remember, that a Noble Frenchman said to you, Had he but your face in the forefront of his head, he should be able to cozen the whole world.

Pri.

Verily, I was made for my Pri∣orship: I am call'd to it, and my parts are consonant and agreeable. I look like an Anatomy, I speak humbly and with a dy∣ing man's voice, like a Saint, and I do like my self. I declare to you, Fathers, I love not the Prisoner, because my Bro∣ther the Franciscan conspir'd with him in England, professing, that had he been enabled with his parts, he would have turn'd heretick as he did.

Nels.

Fathers, I am your Definitor: let me define for you. We will out-wait this hard Winter. If there be not a settle∣ment in England before the Summer visit us, we will send him to the Inquisition at Rome, and there burn him alive to vile ashes.

Rob.

Father Bennet Nelson, you speak like an Orthodox Brother, rightly de∣scended from Bishop Bonner. I will pro∣cure in England sufficient provision of Monies from the Catholicks there for this godly purpose, who will gladly contri∣bute to such a meritorious work. He is our deadly enemy: he has wrought a∣gainst us mischiefs without president, be∣yond example, above parallel. He wrote a Book in England, and entitled it, The Serpent and the Dragon, or, The Jesuit and the Monk, or, Profession and Pra∣ctice: the Jesuite was but the Serpent, and the Monk was the Dragon. Now the Author is both Serpent and Dragon, and deserves to be burnt beyond ashes if it were possible. Plangenti nemo condolet Draconi: No man condoles with a mourn∣ing Dragon. And before this Book he set his Picture, fetching the Devil out of a Monk in the form of a Pig: Hog as he was.

Pri.

I receiv'd a Letter from St. Mal∣loes, signifying, that he with certain En∣glish Merchants visited our Fathers there, every one bringing his Bottle of Wine, otherwise, as our Fathers there innocent∣ly call it, of Crimson; and our holy Fa∣thers there drank so fully, plentifully and rejoycingly of it, that they told him in the extasie of their joy, he did in very deed deserve to be Canonized by his Ho∣liness for his charity towards them; and yet, both he and the Merchants reported, the good men were drunk, crimson∣fac'd, and drunk with crimson: a very plot.

Nels.

Truly, Father, there was a no∣ble Personage from England here in Paris, that numbred this Varlet amongst his Friends, he call'd him his Chaplain; and one Winter night, they congeal'd into company with a good Father here in Town: he had an imperfection, that he would be drunk every day: in fine, he was overtaken with drink that night, and slept in a chair: and presently they sent for a great Glass of Oyle, (sit down here Page  37 Father Robert, and I will shew the man∣ner,) and powred it upon the bare, bald, and holyest part of his head, saying, O Priest, we annoint thee King of drun∣kards; and leave thee drunk with Wine and drown'd in Oyle.

Rob.

Father Prior, and Father Nelson: I did but kiss a Woman in the Old-Baily at London, and do a little something more to her; and as you shall believe me to be a true child of the Church, I had but one child by her, a dainty Boy, and as like my self, as if I had spat him out of my mouth; and this vile fellow set it going upon wheels through City and Coun∣trey.

Pri.

He is a most pernicious man.

Nels.

Fathers, this our Convent of Paris excepted, (and he has been in Paris many times, and once resided here four years together,) he has liv'd in all our Monasteries through the whole Chri∣stian world: he liv'd in our Abby at Lambspring in Germany, in our Mona∣steries at Doway in Artois, at Dulewart in Lorain, at St. Malloes in Britanny: he knows all our secrets, and all the se∣cret conveyances betwixt the Rebels and us, and has heard from us uncomely words lackying thereunto. None of our Fathers in their Monasteries would re∣ceive him into the Habit, lest he should know more of our inside, and bemire us further: Father Cressy whisper'd to him in his ear, that he was sick of all our Mona∣steries, and he presently talk't it abroad. He fancies to himself a perfection accor∣ding to the Primitive Model; and he de∣sires and seeks according to this his Plato∣nical Idea. F. Prior: It is the setled do∣ctrine of the Jesuites, That he who threa∣tens or intends to publish the secrets of a Religious-House may be lawfully kil'd. Now there is a two-fold manner of kil∣ling: we may kill directly as the Jesuites do, (which is too publick, incurres too much upon the senses,) or indirectly as we. Let those sufferances be multiplied upon him in the Bastille, that no ordina∣ry man can endure without death, (which is a kind of indirect killing:) If his body be of heart-oake, and he scapes this, to the fire and fagot with him at Rome.

Pri.

Fathers, I approve and sanctifie your counsel. Here let us center: The cause is good, the end excellent: the affair must and shall prosper.

Rob.

One word in the by. We have money of his which hath remained dor∣mant in our hands these two years: but he must not have it, lest it should serve to manage him into England, if he should break Prison. And whereas he is upon our account unraveld three hundred pounds and upwards, besides all sorts of cloathes and other goods which he gave us, and of which we have milkt and gel∣ded him, hereticks would say, defrau∣ded him; now the matter moves upon an∣other hinge. O the brave Goose-pies that we begg'd him out of.

Nels.

My brain is in labour. Perhaps I shall bring forth another way, a way more compendiary, to shorten his life in the Bastille. He is there the most part of his time in pitchy darkness: a Spider in his salt, and there entoomb'd in her own venome, would be thought to de∣stroy him casually; and then we may ex∣alt Providence.

Pri.

Fathers, It will not be cross to our design, if we likewise inform the Chancellour that he is a Monk: The Chancellour knows a Monk should not abide out of his Monastery: This will fortifie and confirm the Chancellour in his honourable act of imprisoning him. For set aside his Priapisme, the Chancel∣our Page  38 carries the face of a conscience.

Nels.

It would not be amiss.

Pri.

Thus then. We have decreed, and the plot is modeliz'd, let us proceed to performance, and go on upon this Helix, wider and wider.

Rob.

O Father, you have dignum ca∣put cui posterit as devoveat capitolium, an∣serinâ operâ praeservandum, a reverend head, to the which posterity may worthi∣ly devote a Capitol, to be preserv'd after∣wards by Geese.

Pri.

F. Robert, you are alwayes merry. Come let us go, and hammer the iron while it is incorporated with fire.

Nels.
The Monk that is most cunning, and most queint,
Our Maxime saies, must be declar'd a Saint.
Exeunt.