A new play call'd The Pragmatical Jesuit new-leven'd a comedy
Carpenter, Richard, d. 1670?

Act 3. Scen. 6.

Enter Mr. Ninny, an Anabaptist.
Nin.

I was directed hither by a Friend belonging to the House, to see a Jesuit in his Habit, who will presently pass this Page  32 way. I am an Exerciser amongst the Bre∣thren of the Separation: My Name is A∣bram Ninny: and it would be a consolati∣on to me, to know by sight of the eye, what manner of man a Jesuit is, and how he goes orderly drest in private.

Enter Aristotle Junior.

This is not he.

Arist.

I am newly return'd from Rome by Sea to London; and I would fain see the Father that sent me over, and debate the business with him, because it answer'd not in all Angles to my Expectation. This is the Jesuits House in the Savoy, that se∣cretly beats the name of their Founder. One thing more, lies gnawing at my heart: I find a strange fall of the Leaf in my own Countrey: Every man has moulded a new Religion to himself. I have a Vision: I am haunted with Visions, being newly come from Rome: Me thinks, this House is like a Theater, and throng'd with people. Gentlemen: I'le open to you a Secret, lock'd up in the close Cabinet of my Thoughts. But, I pray, keep it as a Secret, and tell it not abroad: neither let it pass into the cold ayr: We experimentally find in the world, that Princes have their Jayle; for Offenders, and their Bedlams for mad people: And I know, that—I dare better shew towards him with my hand, than name him here, is the greatest of Princes; and that Hell is his Jayle. And in good sooth I never heard or read of sto∣ried forth, never beheld a place, which can now more appliably be call'd his Bedlam than England. But ye will say, How so? England a Bedlam? the great Bedlam of the world? Are all the people of England mad? Soft and fair. I Answer: No. For in a Bedlam-house, the mad people have their sober Keepers, their wise Physitians, their civil Waiters and Servants; and al∣so those, whose Office it is to whip them, and thereby to awake and recal their senses; and one of the last, I hope I shall be. Thet's the Secret.

Enter Lucifer, in the Habit of a Jesuit.
Lucif.

O I am rob'd, I am rob'd; I had a Purse of Gold given me this morning by a Noble woman-penitent, which she stole from her Husband; and another he-peni∣tent coming afterwards, has pickt my pock∣et and rob'd me of it; O Villain, Miscre∣ant, Caitiffe! According to Learned Fa∣ther Escobar, he is damn'd already. The Rogue came to Confession to me, kneel'd humbly at my feet, confessed with a sad voyce, an humble mouth, sigh'd, sob'd, groan'd, shak'd his head, look'd like a Car∣case, and with a face equally divided and shar'd betwixt sorrow and care: he cried too; the vile Knave wept, as I thought, heartily; the tears ran hastily down his Cheeks, as if there were a modest conten∣tion, or striving betwixt his Cheeks, which should▪ deliver his tears soonest to his bosom: he kept his Right and righ∣teous hand acting & tabering at his heart, while with his other hand, his unrighteous hand, left-handed Rascal, he pick'd my Pocket, and got away my Purse, my Purse of Gold, containing as much pure Gold, as being well husbanded by our secular Procu∣rator, would have given our Body here a full and copious Dinner every Thursday at our Garden-house of Recreation, I mean, every one six Dishes, whereof one should have been a fat plump Partridge, or som∣thing, as the Logicians speak, equipollent, to the worlds end. The Curse of our Gene∣ral, and of all our Sociey be upon him: The Curse and the Firebrand thrown down Page  33 from the top of the Great Church at Rome, follow him.

Arist.

Father, Father, this Passion does not become you, sits not well upon your forehead.

Lucif.

Are not you the Thief? you are like him.

Arist.

Look upon me well, good Father, and with unpassion'd eyes.

Lucif.

O my good Child, are you come again? Forsooth, I am glad to see you. How relish you the good things in forreign Parts?

Arist,

Father, tanquam in tabellâ, in brief. First, you sent your Letter of com∣mendations by me, and it had certain pri∣vate Marks in the bottom, according to your private Book of Rules, Politick rules, printed at Rome, and no where else, which I have now seen; and this was to signifie to the Jesuits, that if I refused to be a mem∣ber of your Society, they might use me ad libitum, at their pleasure. Secondly, You sent Letters every Moneth to the English Colledges at S. Omers, at Valladolid in Spain, and at Rome where I was, to be read in the hearing of all the Scholars; and these Letters recounted wondrous things as done in England, disgraceful to the English, though conducing to the confirmation of the Scholars in their Judgments, which things were neither done, nor feasible. The Business of Garnets Straw was meet Forge∣ry; the Painter afterwards discover'd his own Folly, and yours; and your different Pictures of the Straw (I have seen them) gave evidence against you. Fox, the Au∣thour of the famous Martyrology, never be∣liev'd his Head was an Urinal. The Learn∣ed Church-man of England, did not die a Papist. I could exasperate your ears with a thousand of these. Thirdly, I never yet saw a Jesuit or other Priest, of whom I could honestly say, this is a just man, his Heart and his Tongue concur, Truth and his Tongue are Unison: They are Mounte∣banks in Religion, and have Spawns of De∣ceit and Equivocation in their Mouths: they religiously keep Matchavels Rule; Bespatter thy Adversary with all sorts of Dirt and filth, aliquid for sit àn adhaerebit; it is likely that somwhat of it will stick close to him. Fourthly,—

Nin.

This is the Jesuit, in the Habit of his Order: a very passionate man: And now I look better upon him, this man ex∣ercis'd in our Chair the other day, habited as I am. Jesuit, I defie thee.

Lucif.

Who are you?

Nin.

A Brother of the Separation. I de∣fie thee, Jesuit.

Lucif.

How came you hither?

Nin.

Upon my Legs. Jesuit, I defie thee. Thou art an Impostor, a Deluder: thou hast polluted and contaminated our Chair, and I will burn it. I defie thee, Jesuit.

Lucif.

Cnipperdoling, vanish. Thee I defie.

Nin.

Romes Janizary, I defie thee.

Arist.

Gentlemen, I defie you both. But you two are not so tender-hoof'd, but you may stable closer together, if you please. You both know, or have reason to know, that I know you both. Come, come, stand as far off as you can one from the other: Ile bring you together, I warrant you. Jesuit, and Brother of the Separation: First, Are Page  34 ye not both wild-fire-heated, and con∣temners of Government, if heteroclite from your Designes? This cannot be de∣nied: the meridian Sun is not more visible. Come both a little nearer, for this first rea∣son. Again, you brother of the Separation, have not you kicked against lawfull Go∣vernment, instigated by the Grounds and Reasons of the Jesuits, their Schoolmen, Controvertists, Casuists; have you not co∣pied your Motives and Arguments out of their Champions? do not I know you have? Neerer now on each side. Yet again. Do you not both in all Nations, where there is an overswaying and prevalent party, conso∣ciate, side, vote, and dance in the same Fairy Ring, against the party authorized by the swaying Power? Ye do, ye do: Nearer, nearer yet. I have brought you to half-way Tree on both sides. Still on. Vox populi, the voice of the people who best know you, as with an irresistible charm will bring you neerer on both quarters. Are not you nam'd the Puritanical Jesuit, and you the Jesuitical Puritan? Neerer again. I follow the chase. Are ye not both so fevere and rigid in your Directions, Instructions, Counsils, as if ye were both Enthusiasm'd with a singular spirit above all others? Now ye are within the stretch of arms. Do ye not both with the same quibble of cunning insinuate into houses by mens wives, and there Lord it over their Husbands and the whole Family? I must not exceed my por∣tion of time, and speak from the Center beyond the Periphery. Now come close together, joyn hands, imbrace according to the Jesuitical Hugg. Why now ye are friends. O let poor deluded England, be now asham'd of what is past, be provident and circumspect for hereafter. All was Je∣suitical: the Jesuit as the evil Genius, was the true and only Malignant: In all the combination and complication of the ma∣ny-headed Factions, he had access by him self or his Agents to the chief Actours while he blew the coles, with Julian, at the Devil's Altar. And now ye are coupled Ile tell you a Story; it hath, Janus-like, two faces, as looking Romeward and hi∣therward. Rome was with Child, and she brought forth her eldest Son, the Bene∣dictine; to him as the Heir she gave her Lands: She remain'd free a while; at length was with child again, and brought into the light two children, the Dominican and the Franciscan; to the first, having given away her Lands, she gave certain Houses and monies in a Pensionary man∣ner; to the other, having nothing left, the Wallet, and set him out of doors a beging. She stood clear again, till at last she was mountain-big with child; She long'd, she groan'd, she drew her breath short, she made store of outlandish faces: In the conclusion she gave into the world a lusty Boy, who being newly born utter'd from behind the Midwifes lapfull, a sign of good luck; this was the Jesuit: His Mother ha∣ving given away Lands, Houses, Wallet, took him up, gave him a smart clap on the right buttock, and said, My dearling, shift for thy self; and he did so most accurately. Turn the story hither: Our Mother here was with child, and with child, again, and again. I so much honour the first-born chil∣dren, that I shall not name them in this Comical Air; the Presbyterian himself shall pass by me, without a glance upon him: questionless he means well, though he deserves not this Elogy from me, yet I am so sick of the Jesuit and Monk, that I must praise him. But Brother of the Sepa∣ration, you were the last-born, have run with the Torrent, and shifted for your self, to rejoyce over the Creaturē; and therein you and the Jesuit are uniform. This is all, I take my leave.

Exit.

Page  35
Nin.

And I likewise. Farewell Bro∣ther.

Exit.

Lucif.

Brother, Farewell. I must pro∣ceed to a new leven. The name of Jesuit is now grown ragged, rugged, odious. His murders, equivocations, coosenages, and the like, are over-palpable. I must translate my Crown, Empire, and Per∣son to an Order, having more of pious outside. Let me see: there 'tis: the blessed Benedictine is the man: he that in publick looks not beyond the length of his grave. His antiquity, and the opi∣nion of the people will assist me.

The Principle stands firm, nothing more neat,
Than to delude you with a holy Cheat.
Exit.
Finis Actûs terty.