A new play call'd The Pragmatical Jesuit new-leven'd a comedy
Carpenter, Richard, d. 1670?

Act 2. Scen. 4.

Enter Lucifer, Lucifuga, Madam Hypocri∣sie, Pretty, Mr. Complement, Mr. De∣mure, Gaffer Highshooe, Galen Ju∣nior, Ignore, Magnifico, See Senior, Signior See, Mr. Kickshaw.

Well, Madam; I have dispatcht my Scholar to St. Omers, you may now en∣ter your whole Tribe. Every one shall re∣ceive his Charge, and I will discharge you of their persons. Mr. Complement, your charge is, that you stow fire in the Court: Speak every where of Abuses; and of a sin∣gular discerning Spirit, and a Holiness which you have, but others are naked of, as prophane: Turn up the white of your eye, and shew it, as if that were the outside of your Soul, according to the Naturalist, Pro∣fectò in oculis animus inhabitat; truly the Soul dwels in the eyes: Draw every word through your Nose, as if it past through a middle sort of crack't Organ-Pipe: and lift up your hands towards that which scru∣pulous men call Heaven, and close them when they are extended, as if you had fast hold of Heaven. Pretend alwaies like an Apton in the first onset, true things, and such as are in use with holy men: those delude irrefragably: The people regard not the tayl of the Business: The Snake having past his head, draws his body after him into the Faction. Tell the people, that by how much an Element is more near to Heaven, it is by so much the more pure, ctive, noble: that the Water is more pure than the Earth, the Ayr than the Water; and Elementary Fire than the Ayr: That the higher the Ayr is, it is the purer still, and more subtile: That in a Limbeck the things of greatest purity and vertue, are sublimated, that is, hast to the top of the Limbeck; the drossy matter fals. Let there be a new shap't Achates in every pe∣riod. It is not necessary, that one experien∣cing if Sea-water be salt, should drink up: the whole Sea: nor that I should foot it over every particular: your own Genius will direct you forward. There is no more excellent manner of cozening and guling the simple Herd of people, than with the specious Mantle of Religion, because Re∣ligion out-powers, and, overswaies all in Page  16 mankind. Mr. Demure, and Gaffer High-shooe; you for the City, and you for the Countrey, are charged accordingly. Galen junior, when you are call'd to sick persons, and find that their sicknesses lay close siege to their bodies, first prepare them by some eloquent Preamble. Say, if you see the wa∣ter in a calm Ser troubled, and rise high in∣to the Ayr, take heed, ther's a Whale near. Turn it homwards thus; Sickness disturb∣ing so highly the peace and tranquility of the Body, Death is imminent. Then make reverend mention of the Society, and re∣count the numerous Conversions that we have wrought in the world, and press it home to their Consciences, that they leave us honourable Legacies according to their Conditions, yea though they beggar and leave succourless their own dear children: We are not their Heirs at Common Law, but upon a higher account: Tell them, other∣wise they are near to a Gulf, a Precipice: Then while the Iron is hot, and upon the Anvile, send for us. If need urge, we shall use you in Deletories, vulgarly call'd poy∣sons, when we prosecute a pious End. But if any of our holy Society be sick, they pay you not, because they pray for you: The Prayers of the Society are above price, and cannot be valued. Ignora, you must wire∣bind and enchain your self to the common Rabble in the Decisions of Law-cases: af∣fect the names of popular and Patriot: de∣sert noble Interests, though never so just: and though you take Fees on both sides, be sure you herd it with the Rascal Deer; they couch the safest; they are the more numerous, and clamorous. If any case of∣fer it self, wherein the religious profit and emolument of the Society is involv'd, take all shapes, as the Cameleon at Land, the Po∣lypus in the sea; all colours, as the Tar∣rand in the Garden; before you let your Cause fall: Regard not the poor stand∣ing in competition with us; in ballance with us, they are the German Bishops Rats: We are poor, and entangled in debt; though in truth we were never yet acquain∣ted with debt; that's our Pretence, en∣franchised, guided and guarded with a reli∣gious Equivocation; as far as you know to the contrary, we are in debt. Magnifico, Your charge is clear: you know your mach: The Word is enough to a Souldier. My three outlandish Imps, ye must away, each with all expedition to his Country. Your Business wherein ye concenter, is, to de∣base and vilifie the English Nation in all your Discourses, all places: Tell your Coun∣tries, that they are a people of degenerous and ungarrison'd Souls, Adamites in un∣derstanding; and if they have any, have but a surface-knowledge, and that most pa∣radox to Truth: That they live altogether in Forrests and Caves, and in the white Rocks from which England was named Al∣bion; and eat raw flesh, and oftentimes the flesh of Children: That they are a ti∣morous and soft-fac'd people, unapt for wars; yea ready to entertain a conquest with most humble submission. Mr. See Se∣nior, Give your people to understand, that they are the most credulous, and the most noble-soul'd Nation of all others: That if at any time they design another Armado for England, they take a special care they do not provide such an other holy Nun to give a solemn blessing to it; she was after∣wards solemnly prov'd to be a Witch. Pray them, that when they work their false Mi∣racles, they will carry their hands, and their invisible juggling-Hair more covertly and cleverly: The falshood of some these times, hath been Chrystal-clear in the view of Reason: the most learned Laureat's of Spain it self, were confounded in the sight of them; and the Inquisition it self was angry, because they were not acted with Page  17 more nimbleness. Tell them, their most prophane and bawdy Comedies in their Processions on their greatest dayes, are not convenient. I cannot be infinite. Com∣mend my brotherly Respects to Father Es∣cobar at Valladolid: Tell him, his Morals thrive wonderfully: The Mystery of Je∣suitisme is little availeable against them: they have overturn'd all Law, Right, Ho∣nesty, and deified the Jesuit, made him the great God of Nature, all cases of Consci∣ence answering, turning, and returning to him, whenas they should return, turn, and answer to him above. Mr. Signior See, Re∣commend my most humble Vassallage to the grand Signior at Rome: Pray his Holi∣ness, that there be sudden provision by pen∣sion made here, for the poorer and scab'd sort of Priests; they are in the Antecamera to a falling condition: Ascertain to him, that some of the most active and unquiet Spirits amongst them, have taken Pensions here, to discover the Mysterious Intentions and Actions of Rome and Spain, and at the same time, the very very same, have re∣main'd pension'd by his Holiness to betray the Affairs of their own Countrey to him: Insomuch that of late, one of them heated and heighten'd in his Cups at a Tavern, and his Friend desiring to depart, said with Cy∣nick Modesty, Stay, Friend, the Pope and the Rebel in England (he nam'd him) shall pay for all: Fail not to lay this at his Holi∣ness his Feet when you kiss them. We of the Society are glewed by a particular vow of Obedience to his Holiness: It was the Wisdom of our Patron did it, that our ad∣vancements might be joyntly conserved: our Interest is closely twisted and pleaced with his. Signifie to his Holiness, that his wicked Priests get Bastards a pace here; and then, having been overdoers, and over∣done themselves, pretend to be only Over∣seems to the Children: So far forth, that one being demanded why he knav'd it for a Bastard, defended his Act and Monument scholastically with Aristotles Ipse dixit; who saies, that then a living thing is per∣fect, quandò general sibi simile in Naturâ, when it begets a like to it self in Nature. Pray him to keep the Rithm if not the rea∣son, and uphold constantly the Jews and the Stews; that we may have more ho∣nourable Examples of Jewish women turn'd Christians, to the end they may turn whores; which amongst the Jews is highly punishable. Tell him likewise that false Miracles are greatly advantageous to the Cause, if they be done as the Roman School-men speak, et si non castè, tamen cau∣tè; although not chastly and truly, yet wa∣rily to prevent scandal; wherein our own Honour is more consider'd, than the Ho∣nour of him who is most honourable. Mon∣sieur Kickshaw; Load and physick this Na∣tion as far as possibly you can, with the pret∣ty Muld-sack or Don Quickshot, of your new Fashions: And as old Rome did a∣bound with the gods of all the Countreys they conquer'd, introduce the Folsies and Drolleries of all the world hither: That best suits with you, that have the best name in the superlative degree: And still wire∣draw the people here, with forestalling and diverting their Trade. Forgive my length: My Matter, like an Ocean, had I given way, had over-towr'd me. Let's privately rejoyce a while, as Witches have their pri∣vate Revellings, and then wee'l take our Leaves.


Most gladly, Reverend Father.

They Dance.

Reverend Father, they all crave your ho∣ly Benediction, in lieu of a choyce Viari∣cum before they depart.


O, I give it most willingly. Go, my Children, and may your Foreheads be as wals of Corinthian Brass, and may your Page  18tuus lead all Europe.

Exeunt all the Scholars.

Madam, In certain concurrences of par∣ticulars, to prevent suspition, I shall need a Lady to sustain the person of my Wife: Therefore to palliate my own Person, I retain you and your Maid.


You honour us, Reverend Father.

He whispers to his Page. Exeunt.