The history of the valorous and vvitty-knight-errant, Don-Quixote, of the Mancha tr. out of the Spanish.

CHAP. XXXII.

Of Don-Quixotes answer to his Reprehender, with other suc∣cesses as wise as witty.

DOn-Quixote being thus upon his legges, and trembling from head to foot, like a man filled with quicke-silver, with a hasty and thicke voyce, said, The place, and Presence before whom I am, and the respect I have, and alwaies had to men of your Coat, do binde and tye up the hands of my just wrath; so that as well for what I have said, as for I know, all know that women, and gowned mens weapons are the same, their tongues: I will enter into single combat with you with mine, though I rather expected good counsaile from you, then infamous revilings; good and well-meant reprehen∣sions require and aske other circumstances, other points; at least, your publike and so bitter reprehensions have passed all limits, and your gentle ones had beene better: neyther was it fit that without knowledge of the sinne you reprehend, you call the sin∣ner without more adoe, Cox-comb and Ideot. Well, for which of my Coxcombries seen in mee, doe you condemne and revile mee, and command mee home to my owne house, to looke to the governing of it, my wife and children, without knowing whe∣ther

I have any of these? Is there no more to bee done, but in a hurry to enter other mens houses, to rule their owners? nay one that hath beene a poore Pedagogue, or hath not seene more world then twenty miles about him, to meddle so roundly to give Lawes to Chivalry, and to judge of Knights Errant? Is it happily a vaine plot, or time ill spent, to range thorow the world, not seeking it's dainties, but the bit∣ternesse of it, whereby good men aspaire to the seat of immortality? If your Knights, your Gallants, or Gentlemen should have called mee Cox comb, I should have held it for an affront irreparable: but that your poore Schollers account mee a mad-man, that never trod the paths of Knight Errantry, I care not a chip; a Knight I am, a Knight I'le die, if it please the most Highest. Some goe by the spacious field of proud ambition, others by the way of servill and base flattery, a third sort by deceitfull hy∣pocrisie, and few by that of true Religion: But I by my starres inclination goe in the narrow path of Knight-Errantry; for whose exercise I despise wealth, but not honor. I have satisfied grievances, rectified wrongs, chastised insolencies, overcome Gyants, trampled over Sprits; I am enamoured, onely because there is a necessi∣ty Knights Errant should bee so, and though I bee so, yet I am not of those vicious Amorists, but of your chaste Platonicks. My intentions alwaies aime at a good end, as, to doe good to all men, and hurt to none: If hee that understands this, if hee that per∣formes it, that practiseth it, deserve to bee called foole, let your Greatnesses judge, excellent Duke and Duchesse.

Well, I advise you (quoth Sancho) Master mine, speake no more in your owne behalfe, for there is no more to bee said, no more to be thought, no more persevering in the world: besides, this Signior, denying as hee hath done, that there neyther is, nor hath beene Knight Errant in the world, no marvell though hee knowes not what hee hath said. Are you trow (quoth the Clergy man) that Panca, whom they say your Master hath promised an Island? Marry am I (said hee) and I am he that deserves it, as well as any other, and I am hee that keepe company with good men, and thou shalt bee as good as they: [Hee blunders out Proverbs as usually to no purpose, which is Sancho's parts alwaies:] and I am one of those that: Not with whom thou wert bred, but with whom thou hast fed; and of those that. Leane to a good tree and it will shadow thee. I have leaned to my Master, and it is many Moneths since I have kept him company, and I am his other selfe. If God please, live he and I shall live, hee shall not want Empires to command, nor I Islands to govern.

No surely friend Sancho straight said the Duke, for I in Signior Don-Quixotes name, will give thee an od one of mine, of no small worth. Kneel down Sancho, quoth Don-Quixote, and kisse his Excellencies foot for the favor he hath done thee; which Sancho did, but when the Clergy-man saw this he rose up wonderfull angry, saying; by my ho∣ly Order, I am about to say; Your Excellency is as mad as one of these sinners, and see if they must not needs be mad, when wise men canonize their madness; your Excellen∣cy may doe well to stay with them, for whilest they be here, Ile get me home and save a labor of correcting what I cannot amend; and without any more adoe, leaving the rest of his dinner he went away, the Duke and the Duchess not being able to pacifice him, though the Duke said not much to him, as being hindred with laughter at his unseaso∣nable choller.

When he had ended his langhter, hee said to Don-Quixote, Sir Knight of the Lyons, you have answered so deeply for your selfe, that you left nothing unsatisfied to this your grievance, which though it seeme to bee one, yet is not; for as women have not the power to wrong, neither have Church-men, as you best know. 'Tis true quoth Don Quixote, the cause is, that hee who cannot bee wronged, can doe no wrong to any body; women, children and Church-men, as they cannot defend themselves when they are offended, so they cannot suffer an affront and a grievance, there is this diffe∣rence (as your Excellency best knowes:) The affront comes from one that may best doe it, and be able to make it good, the grievance may come from either Party without affronting. For example. One stands carelesly in the streete, some ten men come ar∣med, and bastanadoing him, he claps hand to his sword, and doth his devoir; but the

multitude of his assailants hinder him of his purpose, which is to bee revenged; this man is wronged, but not affronted, and this shall bee confirmed by another example. One stands with his back turned, another comes and strikes him, and when he hath done runns away; th'other follows, but overtakes him not: hee that received the blow is wronged, but not affronted, because the affront ought to have been maintained: if he that strook him (though hee did it basely) stand still and face his enemie; then hee that was strook is wronged and affronted both together: Wronged, because hee was strook cowardly; Affronted, because hee that strook him stood still to make good what hee had done: And so according to the Laws of cursed Duell, I may bee wrong∣ed, but not affronted; for Children nor Women have no apprehension, neither can they flye, nor ought to stand still: and so is it with the Religious; for these kindes of people want Armes offensive and defensive: So that though they bee naturally bound to defend themselves, yet they are not to offend any body: and though even now I said I was wronged, I saw now I am not; for hee that can receive no affront, can give none: for which causes I have no reason to resent, nor doe I, the words that that good man gave me; only I could have wished hee had stayed a little, that I might have let him see his errour, in saying or thinking there have been no Knights Errant in the world; for if Amadis had heard this, or one of those infinite numbers of his Linage, I know it had not gone well with his Worship.

I'le swear that (quoth Sancho) they would have given him a slash that should have cleaved him from top to foot like a Pomegranate or a ripe musk-Melon; they were pretty Youths to suffer such jests. By my Holidam, I think certainly if Renaldos de Montalnan had heard these speeches from the poor Knave, he had bung'd up his mouth that hee should not have spoken these three yeers; I, I, he should have dealt with them, and see how hee would have scaped their hands.

The Duchesse was ready to burst with laughter at Sancho, and to her minde shee held him to bee more conceited and madder then his Masser, and many at that time were of this opinion.

Finally, Don-Quixote was pacified and dinner ended, and the cloth being taken away, there came four Damzels, one with a silver Bason, the other with an Ewre, a third with two fine white Towels, the fourth with her armes tucked up to the middle, and in her white hands (for white they were) a white Naples washing-ball. Shee with the Bason came very mannerly, and set it under Don-Quixotes chin, who very silent and won∣dring at that kinde of ceremonie, taking it to bee the custome of the Country, to wash their faces instead of their hands; hee stretcht out his face as farre as hee could, and instantly the Ewre began to rain upon him, and the Damzell with the soap ran over his beard apace, raising white slakes of snow; for such were those scowrings, not only upon his beard, but over all the face and eyes of the obedient Knight, so that hee was forced to shut them.

The Duke and Duchesse that knew nothing of this, stood expecting what would become of this Lavatory. The Barber Damzell, when shee had soaped him well with her hand, feigned that shee wanted more water, and made her with the Ewre to goe for it, whilest Signior Don-Quixote expected; which shee did, and Don-Quixote remained one of the strangest pictures to move laughter that could bee imagined. All that were present (many in number) beheld him, and as they saw him with a neck half a yard long, more then ordinary swarthy, his eyes shut, and his beard full of soap, it was great mar∣vell, and much discretion they could forbear laughing. The Damzels of the jest cast down their eyes, not daring to look on their Lords; whose bodies with choller and laughter even tickled again, and they knew not what to doe, either to punish the bold∣nesse of the Gyrls, or reward them for the pastime they received to see Don-Quixote in that manner.

Lastly, shee with the Ewre came, and they made an end of washing Don-Quixote, and straight shee that had the Towels wiped and dryed him gently, and all four of them at once making him a low courtesie, would have gone: but the Duke, because Don-Quixote should not fall into the jest, called to the Damzel with the Bason, saying,

Come and wash mee too, and see that you have Water enough. The Wench, that was wylie and carefull, came and put the Bason under the Duke, as shee had done to Don-Quixote, and making haste, they washed and scowred him very well, and lea∣ving him dry and cleane, making Courtesies, they went away. After, it was known that the Duke swore that if they had not washed him as well as Don-Quixote, he would punish them for their lightnesse, which they discreetly made amends for, with soape∣ing him.

Sancho marked all the Ceremonies of the Lavatorie, and said to himselfe, Lord (thought he) if it be the custome in this Country to wash the Squires beards, as well as the Knights? for of my soule and conscience I have neede of it, and if they would, to run over me with a Rasor too.

What sayest thou to thy selfe Sancho? said the Duchesse. I say Madam quoth hee, that I have heard that in other Princes Palaces they use to give water to wash mens hands when the Cloth is taken away, but not Lye to scowre their Beards; and there∣fore I see 'tis good to live long, to see much; although 'tis said also, that hee that lives long, suffers much, though to suffer one of these Lavatories, is rather pleasure then paine.

Take no care Sancho quoth the Duchesse, for Ile make one of my Damozells wash thee, and if neede bee, lay thee a bucking. For my Beard quoth Sancho, I should bee glad for the present, for the rest God will provide hereafter. Looke you, Carver, said the Duchesse, what Sancho desires, doe just as hee would have you. The Car∣ver answered, that Signior Sancho should bee punctually served, and so hee went to dinner, and carried Sancho with him, the Dukes and Don-Quixote sitting still, and conferring in many and severall affaires, but all concerning the practise of Armes and Knight Errantry.

The Duchess requested Don-Quixote to delineate and describe unto her (since hee seemed to have a happy Memory) the beauty and feature of the Lady Dulcinea del To∣boso, for according to Fames Trumpet, she thought that shee must needs bee the fairest creature in the world, and also of the Mancha.

Don-Quixote sighed at the Duchesses command, and said; If I could take out my heart, and lay it before your Greatnesses eyes upon this Table in a dish, I would save my Tongue a labour to tell you that which would not bee imagined: for in my heart, your Excellency should see her lively depainted; but why should I be put to describe and delineate exactly, peece for peece, each severall beauty of the peerelesse Dulcinea, a burden fitter for other backs then mine; an enterprize in which the pensils of Parrasius, Timantes and Apelles, and the tooles of Lisippus, should indeed be imployed, to paint and carve her in tables of Marble and Brasse, and Ciceronian and Demosthenian Rhetorick to praise her.

What meane you by your Demosthenian, Signior Don-Quixote, quoth the Du∣chesse? Demosthenian Rhethorique (quoth hee) is as much as to say, the Rhethorique of Demosthenes, as Ciceronian of Cicere, both which were the two greatest Rhethoricians in the world. 'Tis true quoth the Duke, and you shewed your ignorance in asking that question; but for all that, Sir Don-Quixote might much deligh us, if hee would paint her out; for Ile warrant, though it bee but in her first draught, shee will appeare so well, that the most fair will envy her. I would willingly said he, if misfortune had not blotted out her Idea, that not long since befell her, which is such, that I may rather be∣waile it, then describ her; for your Greatnesses shall understand, that as I went here∣tofore to have kissed her hands, and receive her Benediction, Leave and License, for this my third sally; I found another manner of one then I looked for, I found her Enchan∣ted, and turned from a Princesse to a Country-wench, from fair to foule, from an An∣gell to a Deviil, from sweet to contagious, from well spoken to rustick, from modest to skittish, from light to darkness, and finally from Dulcinea del Tob••so, to a Peasantess of Sayago.

Now God defend us quoth the Duke, with a loud voice, who is hee that hath done so much hurt to the world? Who hath taken away the beautie that cheered it? The

quicknesse that entertained it? and the honesty that did credit it? Who, said hee? who but some cursed Enchanter? one of those many envious ones that persecute me: This wicked race borne in the world to darken and annihilate the exploits of good men, and to give light and raise the deeds of evill. Enchanters have me persecuted: En∣chanters me persecute: and Enchanters will me persecute, till they cast me and my lofty Chivalry into the profound Abisme of forgetfullnesse, and there they hurt and wound me where they see I have most feeling; for to take from a Knight Errant his Lady, is to take away his eye-sight, with which hee sees the Sunne that doth lighten him, and the food that doth nourish him. Oft have I said, and now I say again, that a Knight Errant without a Mistris is like a Tree without leaves; like a Building without ce∣ment; or a Shadow without a Body, by which it is caused.

There is no more to bee said (quoth the Duchesse:) but yet if wee may give credit to the History of Don-Quixote, that not long since came to light, with a generall ap∣plause, it is said, as I remember, That you never saw Dulcinea, and that there is no such Ladie in the world; but that shee is a meer fantasticall creature ingendred in your brain, where you have painted her with all the graces and perfections that you please.

Here is much to bee said, quoth hee, God knows, if there bee a Dulcinea or no in the world; whether shee bee fantasticall or not: and these bee matters, whose justi∣fying must not bee so farre searcht into: Neither have I ingendred or brought forth my Lady, though I contemplate on her, as is fitting, shee being a Lady, that hath all the parts that may make her famous thorow the whole world: as these; Fair with∣out Blemish; Grave without Pride; Amorous, but Honest; Thankfull, as Cour∣teous; Courteous as Well-bred: And finally, of high Descent; by reason that Beauty shines and martcheth upon her noble Blood in more degrees of perfection then in mean born Beauties.

'Tis true (said the Duke:) but Don-Quixote must give me leave to say what the Hi∣story, where his exploits are written, sayes, where is inferred, That though there bee a Dulcinea in Toboso, or out of it, and that shee bee fair in the highest degree, as you de∣scribe her; yet in her highnesse of Birth shee is not equall to your Oriana's, your Ala∣siraxaria's, or your Madasima's, [Names of faigned Ladies in Books of Knighthood,] with others of this kinde, of which your Histories are full, as you well know. To this I answer you (quoth Don-Quixote) Dulcinea is Virtuous, and Virtue adds to Linage, and one that is Mean and Virtuous ought to bee more esteemed then another Noble and Vicious: Besides, Dulcinea hath one shred that may make her Queen with Crown and Scepter: for the merit of a Fair and Virtuous Woman extends to doe greater miracles, and although not formally, yet virtually shee hath greater fortunes laid up for her.

I say, Signior Don Quixote (quoth the Duchesse) that in all you speak, you goe with your leaden plummet, and, as they say, with your sounding Line in your hand, and that henceforward I will beleeve, and make all in my house beleeve, and my Lord the Duke too, if need bee, that there is a Dulcinea in Toboso, and that at this day shee lives, that she is fair and well borne, and deserves that such a Knight as Don-Quixote should serve her, which is the most I can, or know how to endeer her: But yet I have one scruple left, and, I know not, some kinde of incling against Sancho: the scruple is, that the Historie sayes, That Panca found the said Lady Dulcinea (when hee carried your Epi∣stle) winnowing a Bag of Wheat, and for more assurance, that it was red Wheat, a thing that makes me doubt of her high Birth.

To which Don-Quixote replyed: Lady mine, you shall know, that all or the most part of my Affairs are clean different from the ordinary course of other Knigts Errant, whether they bee directed by the unserutable will of the Destinies, or by the malice of some envious Enchanter, and as it is evident, that all, or the most of your famous Knights Errant, one hath the favour not to bee Enchanted; another to have his flesh so impenetrable, that hee cannot bee wounded, as the famous Roldan, one of the twelve Peers of France, of whom it was said, that hee could not bee wounded, but upon the

soale of his left foot; and that this too must bee with the poynt of a great Pin, and with no other kind of weapon; so that when Bernardo del Carpio did kill him in Ronce∣sualles, seeing he could not wound him with his sword, he lifted him in his armes from ground and stifled him, as mindefull of the death that Hercules gave Anteon, that hor∣rid Gyant, that was said to be the son of the earth.

From all this I inferre, that it might bee I might have had some of these favours, as not to be wounded; for many times experience hath taught mee, that my flesh is soft and penetrable, or that I might have the power not to be Enchanted; but yet I have seen my selfe clapt in a Cage, where all the world was not able to enclose me, had it not been by virtue of Enchantments; but since I was free, I shall beleeve that no other can hinder mee: So that these Enchanters, who see, that upon me they cannot use their sleights, they revenge themselves upon the things I most affect, and mean to kill me, by ill-intreating Dulcinea, by whom I live; and so I beleeve, that when my Squire carry∣ed my Ambassage, they turned her into a Pesant, to be imployed in so base an Office, as winnowing of wheat; but I say, that wheat was neither red, nor wheat; but seeds of Oriental Pearls, and for proof of this, let me tell your Magnitudes, that coming a while since by Toboso, I could never find Dnlcineaes Palace, and Sancho my Squire, having seen her before in her own shape, which is the fairest in the world, to me she then seemed a foule course Country-wench, and meanly nurtured, being the very Discretion of the world: And since I am not Enchanted, neither can I be in all likelyhood, shee is shee that is Enchanted, grieved, turned, choped and changed, and my Enemies have revenged themselves on me, in her, and for her I must live in perpetual sorrow, till she come to her pristine being.

All this have I spoken, that no body may stand upon what Sancho said of that sifting and winnowing of hers; for since to mee shee was changed, no marvell though for him she was exchanged. Dulcinea is nobly borne, and of the best blood in Toboso, of which I warrant she hath no small part in her; and for her that Towne shall be famous in after-ages, as Troy for Helen, and Spayn for Cava [Daughter to an Earle that be∣trayed Spaine to the Moores. Vide Marian. Hist. de Reb. Hisp.] though with more honor and reputation: On the other side I would have your Lordships know that Sancho Panca is one of the prettiest Squires that ever served Knight Errant; somtimes he hath such sharp simplicities, that to think whether he be fool or knave, causeth no small con∣tent; he hath malice enough to be a knave, but more ignorance to be thought a foole; he doubts of every thing, and yet beleeves all; when I think sometimes hee will tumble headlong to the foot, he comes out with some kinde of discretion that lifts him to the Clouds.

Finally, I would not change him for any other Squire, though I might have a City to boot, therefore I doubt, whether it be good to send him to the Government that your Greatness hath bestowed on him, though I see in him a certain fitnesse for this you call governing; for, triming his understanding but a very little, hee would proceed with his gouernment as well as the King with his Customes: Besides, wee know by experience, that a Gevernor needs not much learning, or other abilities; for you have a hundred that scarce can read a word, and yet they govern like Ier-Falcons; the business is, that their meaning be good, and to hit the matter aright they undertake, for they shall not want Counsellors to teach them what they shall doe, as your Governors that be sword∣men and not Scholers, that have their Assistants to direct them: my councell should be to him; that neither Bribe he take, nor his due forsake, and some other such toyes as these that I have within me, and shall be declared at fit time to Sancho's profit, and the Islands which he shall govern.

To this point of their discourse came the Duke, Duchesse, and Don-Quixote, when straight they heard a great noyse of people in the Palace, and Sancho came, into the Hall unlook'd for, in a maze, with a strayner in stead of a Bib, and after him many Lads, or Scullions of the Kitchin, and other inferior people, and one came with a little kneading∣tub of water, that seemed to be dish-water who followed and persecuted Sancho, and sought by all means to joyn the vessel to his chin, and another would have washed him.

What's the matter, Hoe (quoth the Duchesse?) What doe yee to this honest man? What? doe yee not know hee is Governor Elect? To which the Barber-Scullion replyed, This Gentleman will not suffer himself to bee washed according to the cu∣stome, as my Lord the Duke and his Master were. Yes marry will I (said Sancho) in a great huffe: but I would have cleaner Towels and clearer Sudds, and not so sluttish hands; for there is no such difference between my Master and mee, that they should wash him with Rose-water and me with the Devills lye: The customes of great mens Palaces are so much the better, by how little trouble they cause; but your Lavatory custome here is worse then Penetentiaries; my beard is clean, and I need no such re∣freshing; and hee that comes to wash me, or touch a hair of my head (of my beard, I say) sir-reverence of the companie, I'le give him such a box, that I'le set my fist in his skull; for these kinde of ceremonies and soap-layings are rather flouts then entertainers of guests.

The Duchesse was ready to die with laughter, to see Sancho's choller, and to heare his reasons: But Don-Quixote was not very well pleased to see him so ill dressed with his jaspered Towell, and hemmed in by so many of the Kitchin Pensioners; so making a low leg to the Dukes, as if hee intended to speake, with a grave voyce hee spoke to the skoundrels.

Hark yee Gentlemen, Pray let the youth alone, and get you gone as you came, if you please; for my Squire is as cleanly as another, and these Troughs are as straight and close for him as your little red clay drinking Cups: take my counsail and leave him, for neither hee nor I can abide jests. Sancho caught his words out of his mouth and went on, saying; No, let um come to make sport with the setting Dogg and I'le let um alone; as sure as it is now night, let um bring a Comb hither, or what they will, and curry my Beard, and if they finde any thing foul in it, let um shear me to fitters. Then quoth the Duchesse, (unable to leave laughing) Sancho sayes well, hee is clean, as hee sayes, and needs no washing: and if our custome please him not, let him take his choyce; besides, you ministers of cleanlinesse have been very slack and carelesse, I know not whether I may say presumtuous, to bring to such a personage and such a beard, instead of a Bason and Ewre of pure gold and Diaper Towels, your kneeding-Troughs and Dish-clouts: but you are unmannerly raskalls, and like wicked wretches must needs shew the grude you bear to the Squires of Knights Errant.

The Raskall Regiment, together with the Carver that came with them, thought verily the Duchesse was in earnest: So they took the Sive-cloth from Sancho's neck, and even ashamed went their wayes and left him, who seeing himself out of that (as hee thought) great danger, kneeled before the Duchesse, saying; From great Ladies great favours are still expected; this that your worship hath now done me, cannot be recom∣penced with lesse, then to desire to see my self an Armed Knight Errant, to imploy my self all dayes of my life in the service of so high a Lady. I am a poor Husbandman, my name is Sancho Panca, Children I have, and serve as a Squire; if in any of these I may serve your Greatnesse, I will bee swifter in obeying, then your Ladyship in com∣manding.

'Tis well seen Sancho, quoth the Duchesse, that you have learnt to bee courteous in the very school of courtesie: I mean, it seems well, that you have been nursed at Don-Quixotes brest, who is the cream of Complement, and the flower of Ceremonies: well fare such a Master and such a Servant; the one for North-starre of Knight Errantry, the other for the starre of Squire-like fidelitie: Rise, friend Sancho, for I will repay your courtesie, in making my Lord the Duke, as soon as hee can, performe the promise hee hath made you, of being Governor of the Island.

With this their discourse ceased, and Don-Quixote went to his afternoons sleep, and the Duchesse desired Sancho, that if hee were not very sleepie, hee would passe the after∣noon with her and her Damzels in a cool room. Sancho answered, That though true it were, that hee was used in the afternoons to take a some five hours nap, yet to doe her goodnesse service, hee would doe what hee could, not to take any that day, and would obey her command: so hee parted.

The Duke gave fresh order for Don-Quixotes usage to bee like a Knight Errant, without differing a jot from the ancient stile of those Knights.