The bloody duke, or, The adventures for a crown a tragi-comedy, as it was acted at the courts at Alba Regalis by several persons of great quality / written by the author of The abdicated prince.

The Bloody Duke: OR The Adventures FOR A CROWN.

ACT I.

SCENE I. Alba Regalis.

After several Loud Shouts and Acclamations of Joy, Enter the Rab∣ble, with Torches in their Hands, and Faggots on their Shoulders, going to make Bonfires.

1 Rab.

COme Boys! come! we'le make the Fire before Al∣derman Trueman's door, he's an honest Cavalier.

2 Rab.

Let him be as true as he will, we'le burn him for a Roundhead, without he gives us some Drink; believe me Neigh∣bour, I am so scorch'd up with running and bawling, I am all

over as dry as a Kix, Heaven send some Fellow or other does not mistake me for a dry Billet, and throw me on for Com∣pany.

3 Rab.

The man's a Fool o'my Conscience; do'st think we can want drink to day? There's a positive Order from the King to make us all as Drunk as Lords, that we may give God thanks for his happy Return to his Kingdoms.

4 Rab.

Nay, I must needs say Neighbour, I always am most devout after a sound Evenings Draught: But what Saints day do you call this?

5 Rab.

Why man, dost not know? 'Tis the Kings Birth and Return.

4 Rab.

Indeed I never heard of that Saint before; but if he'le give us drink enough, he shall e'ne have my Prayers along with the rest.

6 Rab.

The truth on't is, I always thought your drinking Saints had the least harm in them; so for my part, I'le go drink and pray as long as I can stand.

1 Rab.

But heark you me Neighbour, what did our King do when he was abroad in strange Countries?

2 Rab.

Do? Why what should he do but learn Manners and Breeding! Oh he's the courteousest Gentleman; if you did but see how he pulls off his Hat to the Ladies and Gentlewomen when he walks in the Park, or comes into the City. There's Alder∣man Softhead's Wife, and half a score more, are in love with him so, they go constantly 3 or 4 times a Week to see him at Dinner, and the King always sends some of his Nobles to see them home, and that's a great Honour let me tell you, to their Husbands.

5 Rab.

Ay, ay, Neighbour, you may talk of Honour as you please, but I heard Alderman Doolittle say, there was no profit in it; for besides the expence of entertaining these Gallants, whether these fine sights do work on his Wives Fancy or no, I can't tell: But whereas he was not us'd to have a Child once in four or five years, he finds now he gets one or two every year.

6 Rab.

Why truly Neighbour, since this Kings coming, I must needs say, they have a very good Receipt at Court to help generati∣on.

I have heard some wise People say, his Highness is graci∣ously resolved to communicate it publickly to all his Women Subjects.

7. Rab.

Nay, it will save our Citizens a great deal of Charge, and their Wives a great deal of trouble of going to the Wa∣ters.

1. Rab.

Why don't you come away ho! you stand talking of Water, Water, and forget to make the Fire.

Omnes.

Ay, come, come away to the Bonfire, the Bonfire, hallo Boys, hallo.

[Exeunt omnes.

Scene II. The Palace of St. Jacques.

Enter Caligula, Corinna, Leonora.

Cal.

THou must Corinna use thy utmost power, Thou must not leave one charm about thee Idle: All sense of that which Fools call Modesty; All nice reluctancy, and forc'd complyance, Must now be laid aside; when ye retire To unload the Treasures of your heap'd up Loves, First throughly warm him with the sparkling Grape, Which will provoke, and prompt his backward Fancy. Then, as thou seest his quickned Spirits move, And with new life and eagerness to dance Through all the windings of his well-fill'd Veins: Then dear Corinna let it be thy Care To exert thy universal Stock of charms; Let the soft Lanquets of thy wishing Eyes Seem to upbraid his want of love and fondness: Then throw thy snowy Arms about his Neck, And draw him gently to thy panting bosom. Storm all his Out-works with thy balmy Lips, And pour whole Vollies of delicious kisses;

Let him ascend thy Alablaster Hills, And thence survey thy pleasent fruitful dalleys: But when by eager hast and heat of Travel, He thirsts and seeks for thy delicious Fountain, Then dear Corinna, then, capitulate; His Birthright then he would not think too dear To purchase one sound draught of cooling Love.

Enter Remarquo at a distance.

Co. My Lord,

you cannot ask what I'le deny, Your Highness's Interest and mine bear such relation, I but oblige my self in serving you: But whence do all these Doubts and Scruples rise, Your fears of this same Bugbear Sanhedrim? I have heard Androgynes in sport and pastime Deride and Scoff at all their weak pretensions; 'Tis true ill natur'd Custom, he would say (The long-lov'd Idol of the heedless crowd) Has gave them liberty at his Command To sit, petition, beg, or to propose; But still the grant and sanction lyes in him; So that in reality 'tis but meer form, Since all they do is vain and null without him.

Rem.

Ha! the Duke here, and in private parly with his Brothers Mistresses! well, he's an unconscionable man, I'le say that for him; there's hardly a day goes but he picks one Jewel or other out of his Crown; and yet I'le be hang'd but he's bidding Money now underhand for his Whores, though o'my Consci∣ence, poor Androgynes had rather part with that, than these. Well, he's a mild good-natur'd Prince, but is so unfortunately taken up with these plaguy Women, that this Brother of his has all the Administration of affairs in his hands; and I am afraid grasps the Sceptre so fast, that the King upon occasion would find it a hard matter to wring it out of them. I know this Caligula's Nature to be Ambitious and Cruel, witness his early Intrigues

to supplant his Brother, even before his Restauration; and though by fatal experience to him we know Venus has sometimes the ascendent over him too, yet those serious whispers between him and these Ladies, seem to carry something more solid and im∣portant than bare Amour: I must hearken.

(Remarquo listens.)

Cal.

'Tis true indeed Corinna, if the power (Which he by great Prerogative does claim) Of Negative Compliance with their Votes Could quash and silence all their hot Proceedings, So as they never durst attempt them more, 'Twere easie to induce Androgynes To lend a careless Ear to their Proposals; But then, these Obstinate Hungarians (Like Eager Lobers at a weak Repulse) Press on with vigorous Address and Zeal; And like your sturdy Beggers in a Road, Seem to petition and implore your Alms, But in such surly manner do approach, As shews their resolution to obtain By force, what otherwise you would refuse.

Leon.

I thought this Mungrel Brood of Sanhedrims, Like Bastard Race of Cocks, had only dar'd To mount the Battlements of their own Dunghils, And thence proclaim their cholerick Dastard Threats; But will they say you venture to draw out And dare to face Royal Prerogative? Your Highness must take care to have them cropt, They may grow dangerous to your self and us; Name but the Methods, and leave us to manage; I think Androgynes will scarce deny us.

Enter Count Paulbrough, le Talbo.

Rem.

A delicate pert Bona Roba this; these Women have as little Conscience as Lawyers, they'll take Fees I see, of all sides: But who have we here? Oh! foh! I am sick of the sight of them;

Here's Paulbrough and le Talbo, Caligula's two Confidents, and dignified with the Titles of his Pimp and his Butcher; the two Horse-leeches of the Court, the one sucks up the Reputation, and the other the Blood of most of the honest People about it; like Comets they carry a malignant Influence and Aspect, and are ominous and destructive to all that have to do with them; the one to shew that he had a Religion (which was very much doubted) became a Convert to Paganism, and out of Gratitude to his Master, relinquished his God: The other's a Native Pagan of Teagueland, and consequently a Uillain by Birth; but want∣ing Improvement, was recommended to the Duke, who by the Gift of a cast Whore, and a Colonel's Commission, has qualified him for his Service; so that when Poyson or Poynard, Halter or Pistol are to be us'd, he's the Captain Commandant, and takes care of the business. There will be nothing worth the hearing now, and so farewel Duke.

[Exit Remarq.

Paulb.

Udsnouns, Sir, I beg your pardon for swearing; but by Mahomet if you don't take some speedy course, we are all un∣done.

[Caligula and the Ladies start.]

Cal.

Why, prithee Paulbrough, what's the matter?

Le Tal.

Why, the Council has received Information of our Plot, and seem inclined unanimously to search into the bottom of it.

Cal.

This shall search some of their Hearts first.

[He draws his Dagger.]

Le Tal.

Intriguo your Secretary, like a Fool and a Villain, has confess'd a great many Points to Demophilus the Tribune.

Cal.

Who was his Accuser?

Paul.

That Uillain Pertinar, who to the Council has laid the Minutes of our Consults open; who have sent their Orders for Imprisoning those several Parties Pertinax accus'd,

Cal.

Has he been bold to name our Royal Self?

Paul.

The Villain bids Desiance to all Shame, And points your Highness out as Principal!

Cal.

Hell! Tortures! Death! Le Talbo, seek the Devil, And force his Tongue to everlasting silence;

Let him no longer breath the open Air, But stop his curst blaspheming Throat for ever; Cut him to Atoms in the Face of day; No time or place shall give the Fiend protection Oh Villain!

Raul. Vdsbud!

you make me swear again; your Highness, I hope, will lay aside this Passion for a while; consider first what's proper to be done, and then doubt not the Execution.

[Caligula pauses.

Cal.

This will put a plaguy stop to my former Designs; and I'm afraid I shall be obliged to change my Measures; and well if that will do too: This comes of Modesty in the Devils Name; I have been gaping like a Ninny these twenty years, and vainly thought to have had a Crown dropt into my Mouth! and have hardly eat or slept with any satisfaction for thinking and dream∣ing of Revenge upon these cursed Christians, and now at last am like to be fairly fitted; that is, with a Gibbet sooner than a Scepter, a Scaffold than a Throne: The truth on't is, we have shewn 'em so many of our Experiments, that the Rogues have grown industrious upon it, and are like to take our Trade out of our Hands: A Body would have thought a Plot so closely laid, and so unanimously carry'd on, could never have faild; why, 'twill make our old Friend B••elzebub turn Bankrupt, his Inven∣tion's grown thred-bare, and we shall never be able to shew our Faces again; unless

(he pauses and shrugs)

hold—ha! by Mahomet a good Thought that!

(shrugs again and grins)

Take off Demophilus in the Bud! good! Dissolve the Sanhedrim; good again: Disgrace, that is, swear counter to Pertinar, best of all: ha, ha, ha—Well, I see what it is to deal with Devils of Honour; they promis'd I should be a King and I find me∣thinks by Inspiration they'll be as good as their Words. Come my good Friends come Paulbrough and Le Talbo, you are Men of Sense, come, what Cure do you propose for these threatning Evils?

Paul. Vdsbud!

Cure Sir nay, I believe my Distemper will not last long. Axes and Halters are expert Physicians, they'll quickly put me out of pain.

Le Tal.

The truth on't is, I have been contriving a Counter∣Plot.

Cal.

A Counter-Plot man! marry that would be to the pur∣pose: prithee let's hear it.

Tal.

Why I'le e'ne make hast and run out of my Wits, and sure they'le ne're have the Conscience to suspect a madman for a Plotter:

Rem.

O' my Conscience they'l suspect none else.

[aside]

'Slife, would any but a mad-man like this Paulborough, that had a plentiful Fortune, and all things to his wish, that needed no Favours, and might have fear'd no Frowns, that had sufficient attendance, and might be free from dependance, would any but a Mad-man, I say, after this have turned Plotter, and make Sale of his Honour, his Estate, and his Conscience, to gain the poor returns of an ill-grounded Friendship, or at best, the caresses of a very weak Prince, and a more wicked man?

[aside.

Cal.

No, come Le Talbo fear nothing, I have a restorative Cordial for us all.

Tal.

Nay, if your Highness brings us off this once, we shall make sure work i'fack next time, or else I'le give them leave to make mummy of me.

Cal.

Well then my Friends I'le tell you; I had been contriving with these Ladies how to persuade Androgynes my Brother, to declare himself a Pagan, but this Discovery of our Plot, has also broke the Neck of that design for the present; so that I have resolv'd on new measures, which nevertheless if they take, will have the same effect as the former.

Paul.

Udsbud, your Highness revives me.

Cal.

In the first place then, Demophilus must be taken off; which falls to your Lot Le Talbo, and to be done with speed: if he lives to appear before the Sanhedrim we are all lost.

Tal.

If he be mortal, your Highness need not fear him; if ever He tell Tales it shall be in a Vision.

Cal.

His Papers I'le secure, they shall never rise against us.

Paul.

But this plaguy Sanhedrim, there is no way to secure them too?

Cal.

That, dear Corinna must thy Province be; Gain but that point, and we are blest for ever; Religion, Interest, and Safety too: Persuade thy utmost vigilance and care; Thou know'st their envious Malice to the self, How they'd audaciously controul and check▪ That Bounty which my Royal Brother thinks (As 'tis most true) too mean for thy great Merit. Remember also what thou wilt deserve From our most Holy Prophet, if by thee The numerous Lives of all our trusty Pagans Shall be redeem'd, which by the crafty malice Of this insinuating Sanhedrim, (If suffer'd to assemble and continue) Will be expos'd and made a Sacrifice: Such is their bruitish Rage and Cruelty, It justly may be fear'd;

(though Heaven forbid)

Their base Designs may even extend to thee; Thine therefore, dear Corinna, be the Care T' Address Androgynes with Art and Zeal; All that thy Fears or Danger can suggest, All that a Lover or a Friend can urge, All that for Interest and safety too Can be produc'd, must be alledg'd; and you Dear Leonora, must not idly stand, If Love or Friendship for Caligula Can add to all thy natural Eloquence, Thou must exert it now, for now's the crisis Of my succeeding Fortunes: Nor will •• doubt, when you vouchsafe to bless, Caligula will ever want Success.

Leo.

Duty and Interest so well perswade, All other Reasons might have well been spar'd; And think we go with pleasure to obey, When such strong Arguments do shew the way.

[Exeunt Cor. Leo.

Cal.

Farewel, Dear Punks,

[aside.]

I'll be hang'd but they'll go near to quarrel who shall oblige me most: Well, I will reward them, I will be as just to them as they are to my Brother. These Court Ladies, I find, study Politicks as much as Amours; Interest is their grand Principle I see, and therefore they'll resolve to bow to the strongest side: Crafty Gypsies! they find Androgynes stands upon ticklish ground, his Rays grow short and dim, so they naturally turn to the Rising Sun. Well, I must cherish them till they have done my business, and then like an old Gar∣ment I'll throw 'em aside.

[aside.]

Well now Le Talbo, there re∣mains no more than to discredit Pertinax, and ridicule his Evi∣dence, and then let them go whistle with their Plot. What think you, is my Invention good? My witty Brother with his fam'd Politicks will lag behind me perhaps.

Paul.

Udoslife, if your Highness could teem but once in seven years to such purpose as this, we might save the trouble of send∣ing to the Mufti or the Sorbonne for new projects: Udsbud, your Brother quoth al well, I'll say nothing, but I always thought your Highness had a fruitful Brain.

Cal.

Well Gentlemen, we must to our several Stations. Le Talbo, you have not many spare hours; all Plots must have time to grow and ripen, that at last they may pop out and be usher'd in with as much seeming natural consequence as the dropping of Mellow Fruit.

Le Tal.

I shall present your Highness with a Scheme of my Measures by to morrow Night, and in ten days you may expect the Execution; and for Pertinax his business, I have a trusty Troop of Myrmidons, whose Forlorn Hope of Mac's, Fitz's and Dermot's (like the Giants at the Gates of Enchanted Castles) will frighten your puny Knight-Errants, call'd Iuries, into a ready Compliance with their Allegations.

Cal.

That's right, Le Talbo, I have a strange love for those Myrmydons, as you call them: If I had not a good opinion of my Mother, I should mistrust one or other of them had a hand in my Generation; I do strangely sympathize with them in their Manners and Actions.

Paul.

Odsountikins, they may be very useful to your Majesty, both in the obtaining and keeping your Kingdoms; I always love to stick close to a King when he has a good Army at his Back; Sword and Pistol are unanswerable Arguments, if his High∣ness do but rightly apply them.

[aside.

Enter Messenger.

Mess.

May it please your Highness, his Majesty requires your Presence in his Cabinet immediately.

Cal.

What Company are with him?

Mess.

Aristander, Demophilus, and one called Pertinar, just claim'd admittance upon weighty business.

Cal.

Curse on their bus'ness!—but I'll interrupt them, I'll try the Metal of their hardned Brows, And like their Evil Genius, stare them into silence: Le Talbo go, and mind the Grand Concern, While I go quash these babling Fool's Pretensions. Give your Attendance, Paulbrough, at Nine, And then you may expect my further Orders.

[Le Paulbrough, Talbo bow, and exeunt simul.

Manet Caligula solus.

Cal.

Thus far Caligula, thou art safe and right, All humane probability assures thee; Thou hast laid a firm immovable Foundation, Whereon to raise and build thy future greatness; And now thou mayst with pleasure stand and gaze And view the bulky product of thy Brain: First by thy wily arts and stratagems Thou hast deceiv'd and drawn Androgynes To stand, and privately abett a Plot, Chiefly design'd and aim'd against himself: For though to propagate the Pagan Faith, And Interest in the Realm of Hungary, Be one main end of all thy Machinations; Yet thy Ambition, prompted by Revenge,

Too plainly whispers to thy longing Heart, That nothing but thy Brothers Life and Crown Fill the desires of thy capacious Soul; And though the rest may for the present please, Yet these, and these alone compleat thy satisfaction: Next draw the methods of thy well train'd thoughts, Each necessary consequence that follows Link after Link, as of a long wrought Chain, To which at last the Diadem is fastned. For first, Suppose our Plot should not succeed, As this Discovery does ill presage; It serves however to surprize and raise The wondring Spirits of the clamorous Crowd, Who tho by heedless Passions being hurry d, Can never comprehend or reach the truth; Yet will (like Childrens Bug-bears) from Idea's Of monstrous, unaccountable Proceedings; Then to keep up and heighten their just Fears, I must prevail with poor Androgynes Abruptly to Dissolve the Sanhedrim, E're they can dive into the Mystery; Thereby dividing equally between us The Burthen of their Doubts and Jealousies, And also cut that Gordian Knot of Love Which long has kept him Monarch of their Hearts. Thus by fomenting Heats and Jarrs between them, I've time to con my long laid project over; And when by my Encitements he has wrought All that his Ease and Luxury durst venture, Then, then's the Minute, dear Caligula,

[clapping himself on the Shoulder.

Then, then to finish thy mysterious Projects; Then by some gentle working Opiate To lay his restive Soul in its eternal Slumber. And surely after all this toil, 'tis just Some suitable Reward attend thy merit. Crowns but too meanly recompense the pain; Usurpers suffer e're they can obtain.

Finis Actus Primi.

ACT. II. SCENE I. A Prison.

Enter Intrigou. Two Jebesites, and Remarquo at a distance.

Int.

THIS plaguy Demophilus! the Tribune, like a subtile Lurcher, trapann'd me out of my strong Hold, and be∣tween jest and earnest, decoy'd me into a plain Confession of all; if I were but secure of him, I'd no more care for Pertinax's De∣positions, than for the braying of an Ass.

Jeb.

The truth on't is, if he come in as a second Witness, it may be dangerous; but let me see; [he pauses] Our Society should not want an expedient upon a case of necessity, one would thinks.

Rew.

No, o'my Conseience; if there be Halter, Dagger or Poyson to be got, you need not despair of healing a small Breach: What a complication of Villanies these Plotters are forc'd to en∣gage in? like Thieues, who when they have rob'd a Man of his Mony, are many times forc'd to cut his Throat for fear of a Dis∣covery. Ah poor Demophilus! there's an actum est of thee, I fear, and what is worse, I stand like one that from an adjacent Hill beholds a Shipwrack; yet the boisterous Singes bear so sierce and high, that I dare not attempt to save thee.

aside.

Enter Nobbs.

N.

Your Servant, good Intriguo; what down in the Mouth Man? Come chear up, the Duke sent me to tell you, he'd take care to release you speedily: Good lack, if it were my case, how easily would I baffle that silly Rogue Pertinax! you shall see in a little time how I'll ridicule all his Depositions: C'nad I have a way with me, and let me tell you, that way shall make room for another way, till at last, mark you me, there shall be nothing in the way.

Rem.

What Buffoon have we got here! Oh! cry a'mercy, this is the State-Scribler, and Caligulas Journey-man Pamphleteer, the

Paper-Bully, that would set Rules to other People, and observe none himself; that with some few Flowers of Rhetorick plai∣sters over his Nonsense, and would ridicule the World into a va∣luable opinion of it; that for the sake of a Pension has forsworn telling truth, and was the first that ever made Lying a Pro∣fession.

(aside.

Int.

Come prithee Nobbs, leave off jeasting for once, and tell me, What does the World say of this Plot?

N.

What Plot, Sir? what Plot? I tell you that in a little time I'll make it as plain as if I writ with a Sun-Beam, that there was not, is not, cannot, shall not be a Plot; and let me tell you, Sir, I'll do it so artificially, so smoothly, that e'gad Sir, though you be in it your self, when you read my Descants upon it, you shall have much ado to believe it.

Int.

I wish to Mahomet thou couldst do this Feat before my Trial comes on, it would save me a great deal of Trouble in my Defence, and my Fears of a tender conscienc'd Jury.

N.

Oh Sir, no; the Plot must be in a manner prov'd first, or else you must know it would not be worth my while to con∣fute it.

Int.

Oh! Devil! prov'd quoth he! I am like to be finely fit∣ted then, I shall hanged as round as a Hoop.

N.

What signifies that, as long as I prove there was no Plot afterwards? That's the main Point.

Int.

Thou hast struck a plaguy Damp upon me: His Words seem to be prophetick, and presage ill to me.

(aside.

Rem.

Though I cant suspect the Mercenary Jove of telling truth, yet his Words were dark and ominous.

(aside.

Who knows but our good Caligula, out of Revenge for his Confession, and a desire to stop his Mouth for the future, may e'ne suffer him to be trip'd over, and so make sure of one? I know his Cruelty and ingratitude will not let him stick at any thing that may seem to advance his Designs.

(aside.

N.

Pish, prithee Intriguo, thou art more a Man than to be dis∣gruntled at my Words; thou knowest 'tis my way, I make a Jest of every thing; I had once a design to ridicule the Whole

Duty of Man, and Practice of Piety; and egad if I had gone on with it, I'd have made them as meer Banters as the Seven Wise Masters, or Tom Thumb.

Int.

Why but Nobbs, we Pagans pretend to a little Conscience; Hast thou none at all?

N.

Pugh! we Authors have no more Conscience than Physiti-ans or Lawyers, we write for our Fee, and let the Causes justle as they please: There's only this peculiar Knowledge requisite in an Author, that is, to know who and who's together, and which side is uppermost. I have been tumbled to and fro, and toss'd up and down, yet still have been so happy as to light on my feet like a Cat: About forty years ago I was Fidler in Ordinary to the Usurper, and then took up with Ballads and small Sonnets in his Praise and Vindication; then when the King came in, I only chang'd Masters, and wriggled my self into the News-Office; and quickly perceiving how the World went, I fell a work on po∣litical Observations, and by a sort of Jack-pudding Wit, peculiar to me, e'gad I made many a counterfeit piece of Sense pass for currant Ingenuity.

Rem.

A very good Summary of his Life; what a great deal of pains he has taken to prove himself a Fool and a Rakeshame?

(aside

Int.

Pray Mahomet I fall on my Feet, as you call it, for I am on a plaguy Precipice.

N.

Oh! alas you need not fear, the Duke will remember you, you know he is always true to his Word: Well, I hope to see thee abroad very speedily, we must crack a Pint together; the worst on't is, thou wants air here.

Rem.

His Worship and you may have air enough one day; I am mistaken in my Politicks if I don't in time see you both hang in the open Air.

(aside.

Int.

Well honest Nobbs, thou must let me see thee sometimes, and in the mean time give my humble Duty to my Master Ca∣ligula.

N.

I shall be your faithful Servant, and so farewel dear In∣trigo.

(Exit Nobbs.

Jeb.

An excellent Fellow this for our purpose, he neither

wants Words nor Impudence, and those are two good Quali∣ties to engage with Plot Catchers, Seignior Intriguo.

Int.

Ay, as he said, when the Plot is half prov'd or more, he will be a proper Man to amuse the World, and banter them into a disbelief of it; but in the mean time 'twill lie hard on me, if there be enough prov'd to condemn me; for if I be hang'd for a tryal of skill, you know it will be but little satisfaction to me whether it be proved or no afterwards.

Jeb.

Oh but Seignior Intriguo, there's the Merit of the Cause, and the advantage of Mother Church, which ought to supersede all other Considerations whatever.

Int.

Why truly Father, the thought of an Halter brings many Scruples into my Head; and upon a strict examination, I do not find that I have liv'd so much a Saint, as to have Courage to die a Martyr.

Jeb.

By Mahomet this Fellows Cowardize will undo us and the Cause; Udslife! we must find some expedient to stop his tatling.

(aside.

Rem.

So, here's like to be more work; did you ever hear such unreasonable Devils? they grumble at the Fellow, because he scruples to hang out of complaisance.

aside.

Jeb.

Prithee Intrigno, what needst thou fear? Demophilus, who is the greatest Evidence, will be taken off, the Duke has given Orders about it already, and we are preparing counter-Evidence to discredit Pertinax: Besides, if matters come to the worst, the Duke has a Pardon ready for you: All therefore that lies upon you is, to be silent; for upon the least voluntary Discovery yo're a dead Man on all sides.

Int.

Well 'tis in vain to question and dispute With them whose power and will are absolute: I've serv'd my Master with a just regard, 'Tis left to Time to witness my Reward.

Exeunt omnes.

ACT II.

SCENE II. An Antichamber.

Enter King, Aristander, Paulbrough, Demophilus, Remarquo, Attendants, &c.

King.

COme, pray my Lord, this is a Day of joy, And should be wholly sacrific'd to pleasure. A Day, which like some lucky cast at Dice, Gave back with Interest all my lost Dominions. Has not the meanest of my Subjects leave To revel and disport themselves to day To drink, and to congratulate my Return, And pay their Vows to Heaven for my Safety? And can you grudge that I should be partaker Of Blessings, which alone seem pointed out By bounteous Providence for my Enjoyment? Come prethee, cease this noise of Plots and Tricks, Hatch'd only in the Brain of some well-meaning Zealot, Who, to exert his love, has form'd Idea's Of things he vainly fears, and all compos'd Of dissonant Improbabilities.

Fresh, young, and hitherto untouch'd? sayst thou, I'le be ready exactly at Six; have you got my Disguise ready? [he turns to Paulbrough.] It makes a Crown plaguy heavy and uneasie to have such a Company of Attendants hanging at it continually.

Paul.

Uds bodikims! she's the dearest plump Creature as ever your Majesty saw; she made my old blood trickle, trickle, like a Snow-ball in the Sun; I was at the hardest task in the World to keep nature within bounds, but only respect to your Majesties wants went a great way with me.

Rem.

His wants, quoth he! yes, his Majesty wants a Mistress, as a rich Miser wants Mony; that is, he'le never be satisfy'd till

he has enjoy'd the whole Sex; if he holds on for seven years longer, we shall have a new stock of Nobles of his own beget∣ting, he'le quickly have a House of Peers at least to his own mind: and yet, poor Man, he has very bad Fortune in the choice of his Ladies; I'le be hang'd but this fine thing they talk of is some cast Wench of this Lechers, and to save Charges, he recommends her to the King for preferment. Well! this King of our's, say what he will, must be a Pagan in his heart, he's such a plaguy admirer of Reliques. But was ever Prince so be∣sotted and bigotted to Effeminacy and Pleasures, as to neglect all the necessary and weighty Affairs of this Kingdom, nay, even the Safety of his Life, which is so evidently prov'd to be con∣spir'd against by his goodly Brother the Duke, to neglect all for that trifling Gugaw Woman! Heavens reform him!

Arist.

If less than th' hazard of your Sacred Person Together with the Vniversal ruin Of our Religion, Laws, and Lives provok'd us Now to implore your diligence and care In time to quell this many headed Monster, Whose Jaws are stretch'd and ready to devour us, We might be tax'd of importunity And bold intrusion on your Royal-Secrets; But since 'tis prov'd the Net's already laid, And waits but an unwary foot to tread it; Since the whole Scheme of Uillanies unheard of, To burn, destroy, and to depopulate; Since in the Hurry of this wish'd confusion 'Tis plainly prov'd, and here demonstrated, Your Royal Self is singly pointed out To fall an undistinguish'd Victim to their Rage, Believe it the Effect of duteous Zeal, When we thus beg your Majesties Observance. Demophilus can shew the Depositions.

[The King mises.

Paul.

My Lord, these Arguments produc'd by you May well be look'd upon as innocent, Proceeding from your well known Loyalty;

But yet, my Lord, we should advance with Prudence, And not lash out with Prejudice and Passion: The proofs of this fam'd Plot produc'd, are known Even by the King to be both weak and frivolous.

Dem.

Yes, yes, the Proofs by him are too well known: Heaven grant I be not made a proof of it.

[Aside.

Paul.

The Evidence is mean and pitiful, So much of Rascal in his Looks appears, It seems improbable, that men of sense (And Fools could n'ere pretend to manage it) Would e're intrust that Villain with the Secret.

Dem.

My Lord, when Villanies, like these, are first projected, Can we expect that Honesty is pitch'd on As a fit Quality for th'execution? Ruffians and Villains are chosen out on purpose As learn'd and knowing in these Deeds of Darkness: Beside, there's such a natural Complication Of black Designs alledg'd by Pertinax, As is beyond the Art of Man to feign. Intriguo's Letters plainly do evince The Mufti and the Pagans resolutions T'eradicate the Christian Interest hence; (Call'd by the Name of Northern Heresie.) His Letters will be read.

Paul.

But thou shalt never Live to produce them, or stand the Test against him. And I shall give an account of your Friend's

[aside.

Civil Reflections upon my Master; the Duke will not be Long in his Debt, I'le secure him.

[aside,

Rem.

This Count Paulbrough's muttering to himself does not hode well, I hope he has not the Art of Conjuring, though I think we need not fear his raising any thing worse than him∣self.

King.

The Mufti and Caligula's Designs To advance the Pagan Interest in my Kingdoms I partly guess, and easily believe;

And if without the hazard of my Pleasures (As hath been promis'd) it were brought about, I should not care to wink at their Endeavours: Nay, I already have indulg'd them so, That they have shar'd my Favours to the Publick, And undisturb'd, have liv'd with equal freedom; And sure their black Ingratitude could never, After these gracious Condescensions, Leave them so destitute of all good Morals, So base, ungenerous, and perjur'd too, As to conspire and plot my Death and Ruin? My Brother too! It cannot be!—————

[The King muses again.

Paul.

Udsountikins! what can be the meaning of this musing and thinking? I have heard the Duke my Master say, he had rather have to do with half an hundred jolly, smirking, plump Fellows, than with one pale-fac'd lean plodding Mortal, they are always hatching Mischief, with a plague to 'em; this Rule may hold (saving in his Majesties Presence) now, for ought I know; His Highness looks very demure, I must find out a way to break the Charm:

[aside.

[He goes to the Door awhile, and comes running in again with a Paper in his hand, and whispers the King.]

Sir! Sir! your Majesty does not consider the time's past, and the dear little Angel has been expecting us with impatience. Well! 'tis a rare thing to be King, they need not stand whining and pining for love, 'tis but look and like and the Business is done.

King.

Then she's a dear coming thing, Paulbrough; 'tis true, I hate a formal siege, where a body must wast good part of ones Ammunition before one can gain the Fort; I am clearly for one vigorous Assault, and love that my Enemy should trust my Ge∣nerosity, and Surrender at Discretion. Well, Aristander and Demophilus, we commend your Loyal Care, and will consider of your Address. Come, lead the way Paulbrough.

Exeunt King, Paulbrough, Aristander, Demophilus, Attendants; manet Re∣marquo solus.

Remarquo solus.

Rem.

How this old Serpent Paulbrough tempts the good easie natur'd Prince; he know's his weak side, and wo'nt give him a minutes time to recall an Errour. Here's plotting and counter∣plotting of all hands, but Heaven knows on whom the Burthen will light! This Duke of ours is as busie as a Bee in Spring, though o'my Conscience he makes more Gall than Honey; he has some dark deep design on foot, which I must watch and unravel. Well, though his Brother be not over-cordial in his Affections to his People, yet of two Evils the least is to be chosen.

Time may perhaps mend and reclaim the first, But under This we are for ever Curst.

Exit Rem.

Scene III. The Queens Palace.

Enter Le Talbo and three Cut-throats.

Tal.

LOok ye here Gentlemen, I always took ye for the Dukes very good Friends, and I can assure you, he speaks ve∣ry Kindly of you.

1 Cut.

Nay, I must needs say he is a very good Pay-master, I have been Cut-throat in Ordinary to him these many years, and I cannot say he ows me a farthing: Let the World say what they will, I'le e'ne praise the Bridge I go over.

2 Cut.

Nay, nay, I know his Highness as well as you, I had bargain'd with him about a small Job once, but things did not hit, so we were forc'd to give it over. But pray Sir, let us know how many there are to be dispatch'd?

Tal.

Why, truly Sirs, you will have more work than you can turn your hands to in a little time; but at present I think one will do our Business.

Omnes.

But One!

[They shrug and scratch.

3 Cut.

I hop'd we should have had every one his man at least.

Good lack! all this plotting and but one Throat to be cut! Bro∣ther, we must ask high, or we shall never be able to live at this rate:

(aside.)

Pray Sir, is he old or young? for there is a great difference in Throats, and we must proportion our Wages ac∣cording to the Difficulty of the Work: Oh! there are some Throats as tough as Whit-leather.

Tal.

These are pure Rogues indeed, they talk as formally of cutting Throats as if they had a Charter for their Profession; 'tis a Regular Vocation with them:

(aside.)

I'le tell you Sirs in short, there is a diminutive old paultry Fellow, whom for no less Considerations than conspiring against the Dukes Life and Ho∣nour, and endeavouring to render the honest Pagans of Hunga∣ry Traitours, horrid Traitours and Plotters against the King's Life and his Highness, I would willingly have decently laid aside.

1 Cut.

Ay, all the reason in the World, my very Conscience rises at him; Oh! Villain! Did you ever hear of such a wicked Fellow? What, Sir, will be the Purchase—you know what I mean, how much Sir? how much? You know we always make sure work,—Five hundred pounds Brother is but a small matter considering—

2 Cut.

But considering the Gentleman promiseth we shall have the rest of his Highness's Work, let him drop the other Hun∣dred, and here's Don Diego that shall do his Business.

Tal.

Vdsniggs, five hundred pounds!

(He pulls out a Dagger.)

hold

(He pauses.)

e'gad, I have an itching desire to do it my self.

(Aside.)

Come Friend, I was in good hopes, when thou wer't talking of Conscience, thou wouldst have been reasonable, and have had some respect to the Cause, I guess you are all Pagans your selves.

3 Cut.

Truly, Sir, we have no Religion but our Trade, and we are always of that side that bids most mony.

Tall.

Ha! I have brought my self into a fine Praemunire then e'gad; I find if I am out-bid, I may have my own Throat cut: What a plaguy thing it is to be such a cowardly Dog as I am? If I could have found in my heart to have undertaken this my self, I might have been clear of all this danger, and have had

Five hundred pound in my Pocket. Well, I am in too far, and must go thorough with them.

(Aside.)

Well, Gentlemen, considering my Master has a kindness for you, I'le not be a nig∣gard of his mony; here's an hundred and fifty Pieces in hand, which shall be made up Five hundred within three days after you have done your Business. And now I'le tell you the person, you can∣not but know him, 'tis Sir Demophilus the Tribune, that lives between Alba Regalis and the Queens Palace.

1 Cut.

Oh lau! is it he? an ugly cross-grain'd old Rogue, our old Persecutor: Know him, quoth he? Ay marry, and good reason, I had cut his Throat long ago, if I could have light of a Chap∣man, for 'tis against our Oath to do it gratis. If a man had been bread all his life time to some honest Vocation, suppose Picking of Pockets, &c. yet this unconscionable Fellow, if he could catch him, would punish him severely; and as I take it, that's clearly against the Statute: I'le engage your Business done Sir.

Tal.

And pray, assoon as may be.

2 Cut.

'Tis yet early, and I know his House, and we'le dog him, if it be possible, this very day.

Tal.

One thing I had forgot, if you can decoy him into the Water gate, we can order matters so as to have his Body at our disposal. You had best dispatch, the Sun grows high.

3 Cut.

Before to morrow's dawn we may give you a good ac∣count of him; till then, Sir, Farewel.

Exeunt Cut-throats.

Manet Le Talbo solus.

Tal.

I think I am now in a hopeful way of thriving; Secrets of this importance cannot but recommend me in a peculiar man∣ner to the Dukes favour; and as he Rises (which, as far as I can gather, will not be deferred long) to be sure I shall be mo∣ving and climbing too, and when I am out of their reach, what care I for a company of conscientious Fools prattle? Well, for my part, I am none of those hot-headed Fools that would venture my Life, and a good Pension, for a few vain Words and Babble; When a Man calls me Coward, I cry his Humble Servants. Let a∣nother call me Cuckold, Pimp, Varlet, or Cut-throat, I laugh in

his face, and tell him he Jeasts, and we are as good Friends a∣gain as ever; and let other men take their own Measures as they please, I am sure 'twas these good Qualities that made me a Fa∣vourite: Here's Demophilus the Tribune would needs be offici∣ous forsooth, and see what he'le get by it: And there's half a dozen more will have their Rewards in good time, I'le warrant them.

They are by Prudence and Discretion lead, Who most the Paths of Safety strive to tread: True Courage, needless danger most doe's fly, And none but Fools can covet misery.

Finis Actus Secundi.

ACT. III.

SCENE I. The Water-gate at the Queens Palace.

Enter two Cut-throats.

1 Cut.

PRithee Sullen, thou art always so impatient and drow∣sie, Udszookers, dost think to get thy Living by snoring? Come, come, let me tell you, this will be a comforta∣ble Jobb, and we ought not to grudge our Pains.

2 Cut.

Why, I don't know Brother Meager what's the matter with me to night, I am neither drowsie nor impatient, but I have a sort of an unusual Qualm come over me: I did not un∣derstand this Le Talbo's Reason for taking off this Demophilus; Prethee what dost thou think it?

1 Cut.

Nay, as for his Reason, I have nothing to do with it; if it be a false one, let him look to it, I am innocent. I am sure an hundred and fifty hard solid pieces of Gold carry reason e∣nough to excuse me.

2 Cut.

Why then, is there no point of Honour or Conscience to be observ'd in our Trade, Meager?

1 Cut.

Ha-Ha-Ha- thou mak'st me laugh in good earnest; Honour and Conscience, quoth he! Yes, yes, as much as in U∣surers and Bankrupts, who when they have cheated and ruin'd the unwary young Prodigals, cast up their Eyes in a transport, and pretend to give God thanks for their good Fortune, my Pocket's the Rule of my Conscience.

2 Cut.

But I would very fain know what this Demophilus has done.

1 Cut.

Thou art a meer Novice, I see, never ask what he has done, but how much we are to receive. This plaguy Rawbone sure has got him, he stays so long; be sure you observe your Cue, Sullen.

2 Cut.

Well! Well! Qualms never continue long with me, a thin Purse, and an empty Belly always cure my Melancholy.

Enter third Cut-throat and gives a Hem or two.

1 Cut.

Ha! That's the sign! Sullen, Sullen, make ready, our Game is drawing nigh.

3 Cut.

Sullen!

2 Cut.

Rawbone!

3 Cut.

Where's Meager? Sontikins we have him Boys, he's within forty Paces, and alone, to our wishes; if we miss him now, I'le despair of him for ever. Be sure keep your Post, and be exactly ready; stand drawn, for fear of losing time: for rather than fail we must chop him down any how.

Enter Demophilus.

While Demophilus walks soberly along, Rawbone, just as he is passing the Water-gate, pops out upon him; in the mean time Sullen and Meager are just seen within the Scenes with their Swords drawn, clashing together as in a real quarrel.

Raw.

For Heavens sake, Sir! as you are a Christian and a Gen∣tleman, give your Assistance to part a couple of Friends, who are just now engaging in a quarrel within the Gate.

Dem.

Alack! withal my heart, Sir.

(He turns to the Scene, and see's them fighting.)

Come, pray Gentlemen, do'nt murther one

another here—in—the—dark.

[Rawbone comes behind him, and while he is speaking, pusheth him violently forward, and presently the other two lay hold on him, and drag him within the Scene.]

Slife! who's that? what—do—you mean? Sir! Oh! Villains, un∣hand—me! what? will you—mu—murther—me?

1 Cut.

We'le only cut your throat, or so, Sir. Stop his mouth Rawbone, and bring him to the Rales.

2 Cut.

Shall we strangle or run him through?

Dem.

Oh! Villains! O—my—Go—God! Gent—lemen—have you—

[he struggles with them.]

no—pi—pi—ty! Oh! spa— m—li—ife.

2 Cut.

He's safe enough; let's consider, if we wound him, the Blood will be seen.

Raw.

No, no I'le twist his Neck, or strangle him.

Dem.

Go—Go—d re—receive my Soul!

[Here he struggles, and they get him down.]

3 Cut.

So, that Groan carryd him off: he'le trouble himself no more with Plots, or Depositions, I'le warrant him.

1 Cut.

I can but laugh to think how sneakingly he'le look to morrow when he finds his Neck broke: but what shall we do with him, ho?

2 Cut.

Why, let's tye a good weight to him, and throw him into the River.

1 Cut.

No, no, that's against our Orders. We'le carry him into the adjoyning Mosque, till we know Dukes farther Re∣solutions; A murrain on't; our Business is so soon over! Two or three such Jobbs would set me afloat bravely.

2 Cut.

Never fear Boys; now the Dukes hand is in, he'le never do his Business by halves; they whisper at Court that the young Prince Damasippus and he have had a brush lately, and that Count Aristander and several other Nobles are taken notice of for their Zeal in the Discovery of this Plot; we can never fail of a good Harvest where there is so much Seed sown.

3 Cut.

Well, well, we'le talk of this another time; let's away with the Body.

2 Cut.

Ay, come hoist.

(They take up the Body of Demophilus and carry him within the Scenes.)

1 Cut.

Hey ho, a Tribune's as, heavy as three other People.

3 Cut.

Udsbud, you may be sure he can't be very light, when he has the whole Plot in his Belly.

Exeunt Cut-throats.

SCENE II. St. Jaques.

Enter Caligula, Le Talbo, Remarquo at a distance.

Cal.

ALready! Le Talbo, and so dexterously! give the honest Villains Fifty Pieces more to drink my Health; they deserve it: How all things prosper with me! Well, these Jebusites of mine are great Politicians, they have blown the Plot up root and branch! But what did he say before he dy'd?

Tal.

Why, they say he kept a great pother about his Sins, and begg'd for a little time to prepare himself: but—

Cal.

He was a silly man to be unprovided; for he might have read his Destiny from the Minute of his Discovery. I hope some others will take Example by him; my Quiver is not empty yet.

Rem.

Nor will be, while there's a good man in the Kingdom left.

(aside.

Vnless kind Heavens in pity do look down▪ And bar thy prospect to the Imperial Crown; Thence all our Woes and Miseries proceed, Thy heart's the Nest where all our Mischiefs breed. Hungaria ne're expects a happy Day Till thou prove kind, and take thy self away.

Tal.

These Cut-throats Arguments are very persuasive, they make a man a Convert in a moment: If your Highness did but see how demurely he looks, a body would not think he knew any thing of the matter.

Rem.

Good Heavens! were there ever such hardned Villains! Murther is a downright Diversion with them, as if they kill'd a man only for the opportunity of breaking a Jeast: Sure this will not go long unpunish'd.

(aside.

Tal.

But as to your Disposal of him, Sir.

Cal.

I have already consulted it, and sent my Orders for the Execution. I want some body to form some plausible Argu∣ments that he kill'd himself, for so it is given out.

Enter Nobbs.

Tal.

Udslife! how Providence throws every thing in your Highness's Mouth? here's the fittest Fellow alive for it.

Cal.

Thou art in the right; I have not seen the Blade these ten days, whith made me forget him. How now Nobbs, what thou art not concern'd in this strange Plot, art thou? Thou hast been absent so long, a body would suspect thee.

Nobbs.

Yes efack, it is strange indeed, that there should be such abundance of Talk, and Nothing to be seen of it: But as my Brother Bays ingeniously says,

Plots, true or false, are necessary things To set up Commonwealths, and pull down Kings.

Well, I'le lay a Groat I fit those Roguy Whiggs with Invention one of these days, they will not be quiet till I have mauld 'em. But I pray did your Highness hear the News?

Cal.

No: what News prithee, Nobbs?

Nobbs.

Why, there's an Hue and Cry after Demophilus the Tri∣bune, for hanging himself.

Tal.

Hanging himself, man! is it true?

Nobbs.

True, I'le warrant, for he can't be found high nor low.

Cal.

Why, how do'st know he has hang'd himself then?

Nobbs.

Why, a'nt please your Highness, I prove in thus: None but Madmen and Fools hang themselves; but Demophilus was a Madman and a Fool, therefore he hang'd himself. Ha—ha—ha, there's an Argument off-hand egad, I'le have it in my next Ob∣servator egad, and you shall see how the grave Citts will hammer upon it: This is only to shew your Highness how an ingenious Man may baffle this dull plodding World egad: But the plain truth on't is, I do hear it whisper'd about that he has made away with himself, but as yet I know no particulars.

Enter Messenger.

Mess.

My Lord, Count Paulbrough sends your Highness word,

that Demophilus the Tribune was this Morning sound run thorow the Body with his own Sword near Pyramose-Hill.

Ex. Mess.

Cal.

Ha! 'tis strange! though indeed I guess'd he would come to some such end; he was an ill man.

Rem.

Nay, if thou hadst been either ignorant or Innocent, he had not yet come to his end. Oh! Vengeance! Vengeance!

Cal.

Now, though the matter is plain, that he was his own Executioner, yet 'tis forty to one but some malicious Tongue will throw it upon others: Nay, they have been bold in some things, not to spare even our Royal self.

Nobbs.

Pish, pish, 'tis as plain as the Sun, and the Reason for it prevent all dispute; for either there was a Plot, or there was not: If there was a Plot, he was afraid the Sanhedrim would have brought him in for a Snack for not discovering it sooner; and let me tell you, a man had as good be half hang'd as be brought be∣fore a House of Commons; ergo, He was afraid, and so forth. And if there was no plot, as to be sure there is not, why then, mark you me, there's Scandalium Magnatum, and a hundred other Plagues, that let me be hang'd, I think he took the best way to remove himself by a Habeas Corpus; and if this be not demon∣stration, I'le be bound to write Ballads as long as I live; and there's somthing for Observator again.

Cal.

Such as these will do Nobbs: and I would have thee be speedy, and fall on first, to prevent all others babbling.

Nobbs.

Nay, let me be hang'd, an't please your Highness, but you have hit upon my way to an hairs breadth; for when there is any Matter of Consequence likely to be disputed, then what do me I, mark you me, but espouse the Court Curse to be sure, right or wrong; and then do I, in a bantering sort of way, insinuate and introduce all the Arguments that the other side can possibly be suppos'd to bring, and by ridiculing some, and waving the rest, egad I leave them bustling and scratching their Heads to find out new Matter; for efack, if they come once to Repetition, whip I slave 'em like School-boys; so that egad in Conclusion I'le prove that this Sir Demophilus feloniously laid violent hands upon him∣himself, and no body shall dare to contradict it: and so I hum∣bly bid your Highness Farewel.

Cal.

Farewel honest Nobbs.

Exit Nobbs.

Well, Now Le Talbo, we are past the worst, We have shot that dangerous Gulf that threatned us. Now with expanded Sails we'le gently glide Through the calm Sea of Safety and of Pleasure. In this Demophilus alone did lye Our cursed Christians Hopes, and all our Fears. His Virtue, Age, Religion, Piety, If e're he had fac'd the haughty Sanhedeim Had given him credit there beyond Exception. His urgent Testimony, without doubt, Back'd with the Circumstance of Things and Persons, Intriguo's Letters, Pertinax his Oaths, Had carry'd such a prevailing Influence Over the too inclining Sanhedrim, As would have surely ruin'd us for ever. But he is gone—Le Tal. What then do's still remain A stop to all your glorious Resolutions?

Cal.

None but what Time and moderate Industry Will with a kind of natural Ease wear off. This, my Le Talbo, was necessity, What common Nature did persuade me to; (Self-preservation all men teach and practise) But now Ambition and Revenge succeeds, (The darling Passions of all High-born Souls And whisper to my longing listning Soul The dazeling Glories of a glittering Crown. Now, my great Genius crys, now is the time In which, Caligula, thy Suffering Friends Expect thee as their Great Deliverer, Why should'st thou wait the heavy tedious motion Of thy Lethargick Brother, who, whilst thou Tir'st out thy Active Soul with Care and Zeal To mould the Embryo's of thy deep laid Projects, And warm them into Life and wish'd Perfection;

Supinely wanders through the ambiguous Maze Of Love and Ease and wanton Luxury, Careless of Dangers, yet of all afraid; To bear unfit, yet still creating trouble; Why shouldst thou thus weigh down thy yielding shoulders, Which serve to prop and hold the tottering State Whilst he drills out a dull inglorious Ease, And yet shares all the Profits, all the Pleasures? No, no Caligula, this must not be; This dull delay, this tedious lukewarm Zeal, Do's ill agree with all thy vast Designs: If thou resolv'st to tast this Golden Fruit, Now, now's the time to make thy fit approaches; Now whilst the careless Guardian-Dragon's sleeping. Le Talbo.

Tal.

My Lord!

Cal.

I Love my Brother, I think.

Tal.

Your Brother, Sir! alack, good Prince, so do I, and every honest body, a meek well-natur'd Kind as ever was known. But that—▪

Cal.

But what, Le Talbo! it seems he is not so good, but thou hast an Exception for him.

Tal.

I humbly ask yor Highness's Pardon; it was ill manners in me to make an Exception.

Cal.

What was't, Le Talbo? sure thou may'st speak to me with freedom.

Tal.

Good lack, Sir, I meant nothing but that, as all other men, he has some few small failings.

Cal.

Nay, He is not an Angel, I wish to Heaven he was.

Tal.

Good lack! how my wishes jump with your Highness; I have wish'd so many a time; Good Prince! he deserves to be one; this world is not worthy of him.

Cal.

Yet he cannot find in his heart to leave it; he is in love with his Life, as bad Poets are with their Verses, and gives us the tedious Repetition of it every day.

Tal.

Nay, the worst thing I like in him is, he won't take your Highness's good Advice.

Cal.

He is like the Dog in the Manger, that will neither eat the Hay himself, nor suffer the Horse.

Tal.

Nay, now your Highness gives me leave, I will speak; He is neither true Pagan, nor Christian, but a meer Trimmer be∣tween both, and foments a Division between both Parties, meerly to stave off their Designs against himself.

Cal.

He has often promis'd, and as often deceiv'd me, and what is worse, I fear will never perform: Therefore, Le Talbo, I have resolv'd to change my measures, and take the shortest way to the accomplishment of my Designs.

Tal.

And your Highness is much in the right; I am for falling too, without the formality of a long Grace; I hate waiting.

Rem.

But yet some little time must be allow'd, That all things may be ready for his Journey. All that his easie Nature can be drawn to Must be perform'd before you let him part; He must the Ground and great Foundations lay Whereon your future Buildings must be rais'd; Charters, and Quo Warranto's, Dispensations Must be begun and entred on by him: The Plot discouraged, hiss'd, and out of doors, Or burnt; from whose engendring Ashes must An Infant monstrous Phenix Plot arise. Some hot bold plodding Heads too must be lopp'd For diving into your mysterious Secrets, And fall thereby a weighty Sacrifice To past Resentments, as to future Fears. When this, and more, from thee Androgynes, Has been obtain'd (whereby will be allay'd, Perhaps diverted from his guilty self The Odium, which such black Miscarriages Alas! will too too surely bring upon thee) Then like some useless old unfashion'd Garment Thou art thrown aside, despis'd, unpity'd, laugh'd at.

(aside.

Enter Count Paulbrough, running.

Paul.

Udsbud, an't please your Highness, there's more bad News; 'Sountikins, I sweat for fear.

Cal.

Thou never bring'st any good I think, what's the matter now?

Paul.

Why, Udsbud, Intriguo is undone, quite undone; he has been try'd and found Guilty of a plaguy Pagan Plot, in the Devils Name, and the Sanhedrim have Petition'd to have him Executed off hand.

Cal.

I did not care for all that, so I had but his Tongue secure, a fearful babling Dog; but I have taken care to have him fitted.

Good Services may sometimes want regard, But bad ones seldom fail of their reward.

[Exeunt omnes.

ACT III. Scene III.

A Prison.

Enter Intriguo, two Jebusites, Goaler.

Intr.

NO Reprieve come! 'tis impossible!

Goal.

'Tis true, and you have but two hours to pre∣pare your self for Death.

Int.

Good lack, the Duke promised I should have it early, and without fail.

First, Jeb.

Nay, nay, and if he promised it, you need not scru∣ple it; I wish I had a good security for my Life.

Second, Jeb.

However, let the worst betide, I can thank my Stars, I die in a good Cause.

Intriguo.

But for the present Father, I have a strange

inclination to live in a good one; vengeance on it, I never lik'd this desperate way of maintaining a Cause as we call it.

Goal.

Sir, Let me tell you my Sentiments clearly, you have but a very short time to consider of the great Journey you are going to take: I advise you therefore to improve it to advantage, if a Reprieve comes at last, you are still the same, if not (which may be doubted) you cannot but be doubly griev'd, as doubly disappointed.

Int.

And art thou then Intriguo thus deluded? Are thus thy blooming hopes so Swiftly vanish'd? Are thus thy faithful Services repaid? And all thy care and hearty Zeal requited? 'S'Death! shall I tamely, fall a Sacrifice To the designs of an ungrateful Master? Shall I in guilty Silence chose to dye;

[Aside.

When his bear speaking might preserve my Life? Or like some Novice, when the Rooking Gamester, By Subtile Cheating Arts, has drain'd his Pocket; Stand both the Ridicule and Jest of my Imposers. Hast not thou yet, Intriguo, in thy power, To pay the mighty Debt exacted on thee? Would not the willing Sanhedrim vouchsafe to hear; And praise, and save thee for thy just Discovery. Ah! yes they would—But now the Brazen head, Has doom'd thee lost for ever; Time is past. And like the unwary Passenger, whose way, Leads o're the dry deserted Strand, thou didst.

[Aside.

Delay the lucky minute of thy passage, Staying, alas; till the returning Waves, O're took, surrounded, grasp'd and overwelm'd thee.

Enter Nobs.

Ha! Nobs here; nay, then, perhaps, I may have wrong'd my Master: He did not hear me, I hope.

(Aside.)

N.

Siegnior Intriguo, his Royal Highness the Duke, has sent—

Int.

A Reprieve, or Pardon? Speak my good Angel; Has my just Master thought me worthy of his Remembrance? Good Prince, I did not doubt his Mercy; but yo know the very Apprehen∣sions of Death, do strangely perplex a man: But prithee, dear Nobs, let's fee my last Comfort; my Hopes, my Joy; dear lack, how strangely I am altered in a moment; well, I vow, I was very melancholy, till I saw you, thou art born under a lucky Pla∣net, thou alwaies bring'st good Tidings with thee. Come let me see it; is it a clear Pardon, or a Reprieve for pleasure.

N.

A clear downright Pardon, an absolute Acquittance, for all Debts, Dues, and Demands, &c. That you shall never be trou∣bled for any thing of Plot or Plotting again, while you breath.

Int.

Look yo here now, good lack, what an ungrateful Villain was I, to accuse so good a Master: Well, I could find in my Heart to Hang my self for pure spite.

(Aside.

But come, a murrain on it, we'll let that alone till another time; and now, dear Nobs, let me hug thee, 'fack I can crack a Pint now with some comfort (They Embrace) with thee, and 'fack we will have it too. Come, Mr. Keeper, give Orders for an hearty Bottle; come, a Fart of Hanging now, I have got a Pardon, a Par∣don, Boy (He leaps about.

Goal.

Mr. Nobs, if you have brought Seigniour Intriguo's Pardon, you would do him a kindness to produce it: for my Warrant runs for Executon, this Morning at Ten of the Clock, and you see by my Watch the time is near expired.

Int.

Ay, ay, come produceit; these Keepers are so Sawey, when they have a Man in their Power. Sir, The Duke may remember your Malapartness.

Goal.

Sir, I must remember my Business, and if I mistake not, your Worship will be part of it to day.

(Aside.

N.

Heark you Siegniour, you cannot imagine what

He takes In∣triguo aside.

a difficulty the Duke met with, before he could obtain it; for you must understand the Sanhedrim Petition'd and made a terrible Pother to have you Executed off hand; nay, the very Rabble were gathering and threatned to pull you out themselves; so that upon mature deliberation, it was thought

sit, and concluded, bewteen the King and Duke, mark you me, that you should for Meer Formality, and to asswage the grow∣ing Fury of the People, that you should, I say, be drawn to the place of Execution, and then Sir 'gad, I can but laugh at the Jest, mark you me, just as they expect to see you Dangle, whip, rush me, I, or some Body else in, no matter who, with the Re∣prieve, though at the same time, we must be forc'd to make a for∣mal Excuse, that you are to be Examin'd, or so, again, in Council, before you Die; and so Sir, as I told you, under that Delusion, egad, we whisk you away, and so give them the Slip for ever.

Int.

Oh! ye Devil, lost! lost! ruin'd,

[He starts and stamps]

and undone for ever! Drawn to the place of Execution, quoth he, ay, and Hang'd at the place of Execution; What a Devil should I do there else?

1. Jeb.

Why, this Nobs, Brother, is the Miracle of his time; what a Feteh was there, and how he prepared him for it? Egad, as he says, if he once come to the place of Execution, I know what will follow.

[Aside.

2. Jeb.

No Reprieve, I'll secure him, and it will be too late to tell Tales then.

[Aside.

Int.

But prithee, dear Nobs, art thou in earnest; thou hast curdled my Blood strangely, that was boyling just before with Joy: bur prithee, that's the way to be torn to pieces by the Rab∣ble, if I should escape Hanging.

N.

Udslife, Siegniour Intriguo, you are the strangest incredulous man; Udssish, if the Duke know this, let me be hang'd, 'twould be of ill consequence; pray let us have no more of that Siegniour.

Enter Keeper.

K.

Sir, The Praefect, according to Warrant, demands the De∣livery of your Prisoners for Execution.

Goal.

Siegniour Intriguo, I must obey.

Int.

I submit.

Well Nobs, I hope thou wilt remember thy old Friend.

N.

Fear nothing, I shall, within these two hours, see thee as∣suredly safe and well.

[Exit Nobs.

Jeb.

As Halter and Coffin can make him.

[Aside.

Goal.

Sir, The Praefect waits.

Int.

Lead on, and shew me my mysterious Fate, To Life or Death, I'm fixt for either state: My Fears are boundless, but my Hopes a span, Yet if I Fall, There's no Belief in Man.

Finis Actus tertij.

ACT. IV. Scene I.

Corinna's Bed-chamber.

Enter King, Corinna, Leonora, undrest, and in Loose Night-Gowns, Remarquo, slips behind the Hangings.

LEt's barr these Doors, my Dear Corinna, close; Lest some dark prying Statesman here discover us, And with his Lamentable Noise of Plots, Disturb and Interrupt our Secret Pleasures. Come Leonora, fill my other Arm, And share the other half of thy Lov'd Monarch. Here now's my Paradice, my Heaven of Joy, All that a Monarch can desire or wish for: Let the Grave Politician shake his Head, And blame the well-fix'd Choice of my Diversion. It were a Crime to think that Providence, Who wisely fix'd us in this lofty Station, To be the Ease and Profit of our People, Should at the same time with Severity Restrain with niggard Hand, the free Enjoyment.

Of all those Pleasures, which our meanest Subjects Do daily Revel in.

Cor.

No, no, my Dear: Let us no longer vainly stand Disputing What our so well Inspired Souls declare Is necessary, just and requisite: Come, to thy Rosie Lips, this Rosie Wine Shall add another fresh Vermillion Tincture: See how its Sparkling Spirits Fly to meet thee, And Dance and Sing to thy approaching Lipps; Come to thy Health, my Royal Love and Master, And may'st thou ever like this Generous Wine, Abound with lofty Spirit, Warmth, and Vigour, Come Leonora to the King, Fill up.

Rem,

So, so, the Scene begins well, now for a good Limner, we shall have delicate Figures for his Fancy to operate on present∣ly: Well, if the Women hold 〈◊◊〉〈◊◊〉 they begin, they'll certainly shame the Men out of the Beastly Sin of Drinking.

[Aside.

Leon.

Come, To my Royal Lord, Long Health and Ease; Un-interrupted Joys, and Endless Pleasu•••••• The Power, but not the Toyl of Mighty Business▪ Let him Live long. Hungaria's happy King; Enjoying still an Everlasting Spring.

K.

Dear Leonora, and my Soul Corinna,

It quells my growing Joys, and damps my Pleasures, To think how small a Span of Power I have, To Grasp and to Reward, your boundless Merits. How like a real Monarch should I stand, If once my struggling Will were dis-intangled From the Curst Bonds of Haughty Sanhedrims? How should my Bounty with my Will keep pace, And Crown my peerless Nymphs extreamest Wishes? Well, I may Live to see the time.

(Knocking without.

Rem.

Yes, poor deluded Monarch! thou may'st Live

To see the time, when with a Fatal Sorrow Thou'lt wish, and wish (when 'tis alas too late!)

'Twere in thy Power to mend, or to re-call Those Fatal Errors which thy easie Nature (By these pernicious Arts intic'd) consents to: When with Insulting Pride thy crafty Foes Shall Laugh, and Triumph o're thy conquer'd Reason: When by these very Arts, by which thou think'st, Poor cheated Prince, to Buoy thy Pleasures up, Thy Pleasures, Ease, and Life, shall be endangered: When those who truly pitying now thy Grief, Would Face Ten Thousand Deaths for thy Relief, Will coldly then upbraid thy Unbelief.

[Aside.

K.

What sawcy Slave is this, that boldly durst

Intrude upon my Privacy and Pleasures.

Knocking again.

Now by the Life of Mahomet, the Man Designs to affront me with his Impudence. Prithee, Corinna, know his Name;

K. and Leonora retire to the inner part of the Scenes, out of sight.

While I and Leonora here retire.

Knocking again.

Corinna Goes to the Door.

Cor.

Who's there? And speak by whose Authority

You thus presume to Alarm my Apartment.

D.

Verily Madam, I am Damasippus, and must Speak to the K. immediately; I have Important Business to deliver to him.

Cor.

Prince Damasippus always should be welcom

To great Androgynes and me

[She half opens the Door, and stands in the Passage.

Da.

I desire always to be welcom to the King; Pray Madam let me be happy in his sight.

Cor.

My Lord the King's retir'd, and is asleep,

And gave strict Orders not to be disturb'd.

'Slife, This Prince carries a great Stroak with Androgynes, and if he should take him away with him, we should miss of our Business: He must not see him.

[Aside.

Your Highness must needs rest satisfied 'till Morning,

For His Majesty must not be disturb'd.

Da.

Alas Madam! It will be a Disturbance to Himself

And the whole Kingdom, if I don't see him: By your leave Madam.

[He pushes to come in.

Cor.

You'll not use Violence, my Lord.

Da.

I hope you don't fear Ravishing, my Lady.

[The King comes from within the Scenes.

K.

What Noise is that?

What bold Intruder is this?

Da.

I humbly conceive, the rarity of such an Action will be a sufficient Apology to your Majesty, for your Faithful Subject and Kinsman, Damasippus

[He Kneels.

K.

Alack, alack, Good Cousin:

What makes you here at this time of Night? What, I'll warrant you thought you were at the Siege of Rhodes now; well, you are a Fierce Assailant, but I think you mistook the Cittadel.

Da.

Dread Sir!

Naught less thau Duty, Love, Allegiance, Honour, Prompted me thus to intrude upon your Secrets: 'Tis Whisper'd, nay, 'tis talk'd in threatning Murmures, That some, whome my Opinion can't call Friends, Advise, and have prevail'd by crafty Reasons To have the Sanhedrim to Morrow broken; Sir, Let me beg by all the Sacred Tyes Of Kindred, Friendship, Honour, Gratitude, Which long have held me Captive to your Will, And which, 'till now, I never strove t' oppose; To think what dreadful Consequences may Flow from so unaccountable Abrupt an Action: The Nation's Blood is in a boyling Ferment, Rais'd and Alarm'd by all these late Discoveries: Their Love and Wishes to your Health and Life, Which by this Plot seem'd to be chiefly aim'd at, Did first Foment, and stir their Active Spirits, To stand prepar'd and ready to defend you: The Sanhedrim, their Representatives, Out of a Filial Duty to your Person, And in pursuance of the People's Wishes, Desire to search the Danger of that Wound,

Which like a Gangreen would o're spread the Nation; Already they have Prob'd, and found the Venom Has reach'd and tainted even the very Vitals, And by a secret Passage to ascend, And Dart its Poyson upwards to the Head: And now like an unruly Patient you (Forgive me if I once too plainly speak)

(Kneeling.

When even the Root and Cause of your Distemper, Are by your wise Physicians Skill explor'd; Refuse t' Accept, or cast away in Anger Their necessary wholsome Applications: But then, Dread Sir! consider how the Body, (For every Member covets its own Safety) When thus it finds the Head supinely careless, Or which is worse (which hardly can be thought) Resolv'd, and bent upon its own Destruction; Consider then how Nature, common Safety, (Which sure right Reason should dictate to all) Will urge them to make speedy Applications, First by Entreaty, and when that do's fail, By Power to seek their common Preservation. This, Sir, I speak, as what I fear will be; Though Heaven, the Searcher of all Hearts can witness, My Prayers and hearty Wishes are, It may not.

K.

Well, good Cousin, thou art a rare maker of Speeches, wil't make One for me to Morrow.

Da.

My Blood to serve you should as freely go, as now my Words.

K.

Nay, nay, But prithee Cousin, thou art turn'd a meer Sto∣ick all of a suddain: Come you have been dozing like an Old Pae∣dagogue, over some Obsolete Author, to find out some Abstruse Question to puzzle his Schollars; Come Damasippus, here's that will bring theeto thy Self again: Come to Love and Beauty, and Hang Business.

(He Drinks.

Cor.

So, so, That will set him a Float presently, he'll be nothing

but Tropes and Figures in a Moment; you'll see him make a meer Fool of this Old Politician.

(Aside.

K.

Come Cousin, take your Glass; with the Health;

D.

To every Thing in Season.

K.

Ay right; Come Corinna, give me the Glass;

This Cousin of mine will improve upon our Hands,

He begins to speak to the purpose.

(He drinks.

Rem.

Pray Heavens His Majesty may doe something to right pur∣pose.

Da.

Well, I find I shall do no more good upon him to Night; He's taking Opium on purpose to forget himself, and the Kingdom: I will wake him again however in the Morning. I humbly Beg your Majesty to consider of my Petition.

(Aside.

Cor.

We'll now be free from these State Basilisks, That with their poysonous Looks destroy our Pleasures. Come, now Androgynes, let's sit and Revel, And Toy the tedious Minutes out in Sports and Kisses: Now thou'rt in wanton Cupid's Fragrant Pallace, Where nought but Ease and Gay Delights Inhabit: No Interrupting Thoughts of Business here, Must now intrude; all Care from hence is Banish'd: As on the Surface of a clear calm Sea, We'll Lye, and Bask, and Love our Lives away.

Leo.

No, rather let us Love and Live for ever.

Rem.

That came from her Heart o'my Conscience; her way of Living would give a Body but very little Encouragent to Dye.

[Aside.

K.

Come then Corinna, let us now retire, And practice o're thy well instructed Lesson: Come, let me Launch into thy Sea of Love, And gaze and wonder at thy mighty Treasure: Oh! now my Soul's a Thirst, and I must Drink: Come my Blest Angel, let us now retire; Love, like a greedy Cormorant, cann't wait

[He Embraces her and pushes her for∣ward.

The long Formality of Grace before it. Come, come my Dear.

Cor.

What means my Liege?

These Actions seem to bear a Mystery.

Rem.

What a Devil have we to do now? Mean, quoth a, What should he mean, but to go and repeat your old Lesson of W—ing? I'll be Hang'd but this seeming backwardness carrys some Plaguy de∣sign, or other with it.

K.

What should'st thou think Androgynes can mean? Do not these eager Grasps, my trembling Knees; These dying Languets, thick Imprinted Kisses, Too well declare the Longings of my Soul. And can Corinna then ask what I mean? Come, come, retire Corinna, Love himself No Niggard is: And why should'st thou, his Steward, Refuse, or Tardy be to share his Bounty?

Cor.

But if as Steward, I profusely wast The present Stock I am intrusted with; Or indiscreetly lend at each Request, Before the former Debts and Obligations Shall be defray'd, and void; I well may fear A little time, alas! will make me Bankrupt.

Rem.

So, so, I see the Mine is ready to Spring; I thought there was some new Business in the Wind; now we shall hear the Con∣science of her Request; I'll warrant little less than half the next Subsidy: Oh! these Misses are chargeable Petts, a Body may keep a stud of Mares, and three Packs of Hounds, cheaper than one Wh—

(Aside.

K.

Thou speak'st to me in dark mysterious Riddles: Oh! do not thus Foment my Raging Fire: Say, dear Corinna, what thou dost require; Speak quickly; Oh! my Soul, I cann't deny; Though thy request extend to half my Kingdom.

(He Kisses and huggs her.

Rem.

Nay, It must be the remaining Half then; for she has had the value of one half from him already: Now a Body would think that a Prince that had seen himself so long kept out of his Kingdoms, should not be so free of disposing of them at every turn, to a paul∣try, painted Strumpet.

Cor.

My Royal Lord, Your Bounty always did With so much ease extend it self to me, That 'twas with some Reluctancy, that now I ventur'd to exact some small Addition: But since Your Majesty has pleas'd so freely To promise the fulfilling my Request; Once more I beg, that from your Royal Mouth You will confirm your Royal Grant.

K.

Speak on; and by our Holy Prophet I do swear, To th' half my Kingdom it shall be fulfill'd.

Rem.

Udslife, I am in a plaguy taking; Heaven knows what will be the Event of this: this looks like a laid Business.

(Aside.

Cor.

Long Life and Health to Great Androgynes, Eternal Ease, and never-failing Pleasure. Here on our bended Knees we humbly Beg,

(Cor. Leon. Knels.

To Morrow may the utmost Period set To the Meeting of this Haughty Sanhedrim. This is our Boon, and from our Royal Lord, We humbly Beg performace of his Word.

Rem.

Oh Racks, Plagues, Fire, Hell and Tortures! If he grants this, the Kingdom's ruin'd. Oh Androgynes! Androgynes! Consi∣der what they ask, and what thou art to give! Consider that thy own, as well as the Kingdom's safety, are at Stake; and none but thy Enemy's can require it: This is the Duke all over; there's his very Picture in the whole Transaction; no wonder they did not ask for more Money; no doubt, they'll have their Wages from him, and be well paid, if they obtain.

K.

Dissolve the Sanhedrim! I know not what to think on't. 'Tis true, I wish that they were fairly gon,

(The K. Muses.

But want a clear pretence to send 'em packing: There are some Tricks indeed in this same Plot, Which fouly seem to point at Treachery: But yet my own part in it is so great, As won't admit of any narrow searching; I cannot willingly suspect a Brother Of ill Designs against my Crown and Life;

Since by th' Accomplishment he could but make A small Addition to his present Glory: And yet the Evidence seems positive, Evincing both Consent and Instigation. 'Tis strange.

[He pauses]

But then alas! Androgynes Thy Life must be embroyl'd in Care and Business; In such an endless Maze of Toyl and Sorrow Thoul't be entangled; as will quite destroy Thy fixed Rules of Love, and Ease, and Pleasure, And all thy hopes of future Rest and Quiet. O ye Almighty Powers! Why would you Flatter Poor Monarchs with the hopes of Power and Glory? Why do we vainly Boast of Will and Pleasure, And grasp at absolute Authority? When each pretending Slave shall dare to stand, And by a specious Plea of Property; Of Law, Religion, and such other Trifles, Shall 'thwart and cross as oft as we Command: Nay, many times refuse our final Orders: Why should the Ambitious Toil, and thus contend, For the poor Glory's of an Anxious Crown? In which the chiefest Gemms are Cares and Sorrows; Why should we strive, and covet to Ascend, As on a lofty Pinacle to Stand, Sole Spectatours of the glorious World? While the more happy Mortals do below Enjoy and Revel in it's various Pleasures.

[He Muses

Rem.

So, so, if he takes but care to look before He Leaps, he may perhaps have the Grace to avoid the danger: The Ladies begin to Scratch; They never like a considering Man.

[Aside.

Cor.

Udslife Leonora, we must not give him leave to think, we Must ply him fast; if we fail of this, we are undone! From this hard contest in your Royal Brest.

My fears Suggest Corinna is deny'd.

And.

Pleasures, Androgynes, of Love and Wine, Which thy harsh envious interrupting Fate, Denys, or Robs thee of, but—

(Aside.

Leo.

Perhaps great Sir our presence may offend; We will remove the cause.

(They are going.

Rem.

Heaven's send she proves as good as her Word. 'Twill be the first good thing they ever did in their Lives.

Andr.

Stay Corinna, stay Leonora, come you must pardon this abrupt way of dealing with you, an ugly Crabed thought or two came into my head, and put me on musing, but it is over; but I have resolv'd.

Rem.

To send them out of his sight for ever, I hope.

(Aside.

Cor.

To grant I hope your Hand-maids poor request.

And.

To send and to dissolve the Sanhedrim.

Both.

Long Live and Reign the great Androgynes.

Cor.

Who waits there, Dione.

Enter Maid.

Run dear Dione with a Lovers Speed,

Corinna runs immediately to the Door.

And tell your Master great Caligula, The Sanhedrim's no more.

[Exit Maid.

Rem.

Good Heavens! what will this come to? this must breed bad Blood in the Kingdom, we shall be altogether by the Ears in a Moment▪ Our goodly Duke longs for nothing more, and when mat∣ters are in Confusion, he thinks to pass Unobserv'd. Well, come when it will, every Man must take his Fortune.

Each Man may stand upon his own Defence, But few will now be safe in Innocence.

And.

'Tis time Corinna, now, that we with-draw, And pay our mighty debts of mutual Love: Henceforth all Care and Business from my Breast; All sence of fear and danger too I'll Banish: Wrapt up in Pleasures, I'll supinely wait, The certain Stroake of my appointed Fate.

(Exeunt Omnes.

ACT IV. Scene II.

The Palace at St. Jacques.

Enter Le'Talbo, with three Teagueland Evidences.

Le Tal.

YOu know honest Country Men it stands us upon: If the Duke fail, all our hopes are quash'd for ever.

First,

Ay, by my Shoul dear Collonel, but the Divel taake me if he do fail.

Second,

No be Chreest and shaint Patrick, but I would Swear the Moon and the Sheven Stars down first.

Tal.

You know how the business is, and what to swear.

Third,

Hubboo! Hubboo! What to Swear? Ay by my Fait do I Dear Joy; I vill Swear, I vill Swear; Ay by my Shoul it be no matter what I do Swear, as long as the Shudge will be wid me, and taake my part.

Rem.

This is a pack of rare Villains of the right Stamp and Breed; a Generation that suck in Villany with their Milk, whose Native Language is a compound of Oaths, and Lying their only In∣heritance; who have Courage enough only to render 'em Ruffians, and who have no other Sence or Honour than Impudence. Now there are good Caligula's Creatures and Favorites, the Darlings of His heart, and his only true Friends, that are prepar'd to comfort and discountenance the Plot, and to Hector People out of their Belief, or their Lives: But let's hear their Lesson.

(Aside.

Tal.

You must take your Corporal Oaths, That this Pertinax was with you in Company in Hungary, the very time that he declar'd he was over Sea.

First,

Ay, the Devil taake me, but he was, I vill taake my Oath, by any Corporal in Teagueland, if my Collonel says so.

Rem.

An obedient Rogue to his Officer this: and yet such is the Iniquity of the preseut times, that the Duke do's not doubt to get a Judge to perswade, and a Jury to believe such an Evidence.

Tal.

I have several other points to instruct you in; but you must taake time to practice this first.

Third,

By my Shalvashon dear Joy, I must have some great ting to swear against dis Pertinax: ara But who be dis Rogue dear Joy?

Second,

Oh Hone! Oh Hone! a Rogue that do maake a great Swear against our Holy Shurch.

Tall.

In the mean time here is some Money for you, and if you do your business well, the Duke will make you all Officers, you shall all have Commissions.

Omnes.

By Chreesht dear Joy, Saint Patricks Blessing be upon thy sweet Faash.

(Exeunt three Evidences.

Tall.

Things run so smoothly, and with such Success, Each project of our busie Brain is Crown'd; That it dos half perswade me to believe, That Providence has now espous'd our Cause: What mayn't be hop'd from my most glorious Master, Who with such ease, and in so short a time, Has Master'd such Strong-headed difficultys? Has reconcil'd so many Contradictions; That now tis next to Blasphemy to question The power of doing, if he but undertake it! With what dexterity did he Ingage The Lady's to address, and to procure The dissolution of the Sanhedrim? A thing the Court thought no way Feasible; And though some busie Factious heads are left, Who yet pretend to rake the cover'd Embers; Yet he is neither Ignorant, or unmindfull, And waits a fit Occasion to requite them: He has laid his Snare, and has his game in View, And something more than humane skill must save them: Bold Aristander, Poliarchus, Timon, Will quickly Mourn their hasty Christian Zeal; And th' anger of a just enraged Prince: Their busie Scruting, and bold Abhorrence Of what they call our Plot, Conspiracy, &c.

Shall be return'd with such Dexterity, In their own Words, upon their very selves, As shall compleat, and by their own Assistance, All that our Wishes can suggest unto us. Thus when the several Branches are cut down, Under whose Shade the unthinking Crowd does Shelter; Then to the Root we will our Axes lay, Religion, Liberty, and Lives shall down, Unless they'll Truckle to the Triple Crown.

ACT V. Scene I.

The Long Gallery at Alba Regalis.

Enter Remarquo stamping, and tearing his Hair.

Rem.

OH Treason! Treason! Villains, Rogues; Whether shall an Honest Man fly to secure himself? Hell never could match these cursed Pagans, these bloody Jebusites, and more bloody Caligula!

Enter Nobbs at the other Door.

N.

Why how now Remarquo; Thou art not afraid of me sure?

(Remarquo sees him, and flyes on one side to avoid him.

Rem.

Yes marry, and good reason. Stand off, Sir: I shall be brought in for the new Plot here, presently. Come Sir, come, I'll have no Papers convey'd into my Pocket;

[He covers his Pockets close.

No, not so much as the Old Observator. Look, look, the Villain has 'em ready in his Hand: If the Rascal should Forswear himself now, and say he had them from me.

N.

Pish, prithee Man, never Fear; Thou dost not look like a Plotter: Come, come, I'll Protect Thee; and egad, if thou art not satisfied, I'll Publish it in my Weekly Paper; and then see who'll be so bold as to contradict it: But the Truth on't is, there is a hor∣rible Plot found out, carry'd on by the Whiggs, to destroy far

and near all that ever they could lay their hands to: Oh! they are terrible Fellows I'll warrant ye; the Pagan Plot was one of theirs, it was as like 'em as ever they could stare.

Rem.

Good lack, Sir, I thought you had taken a great deal of pains to prove there was none: Your Memory fails you; or may be that which was but an Embrio then, is by this time grown to per∣fection.

N.

Why this it is now to have a Man's Sense thrown away, up∣on Ignorance and Heedlesness. I prov'd, Sir, 'Gad, and no body can gainsay it, That there was no Pagan Plotter; and now, Sir, I'll prove, that this and that are all one.

Rem.

O' my Conscience the Monkey has unluckily hit on the right of it; the same Heads made both.

(Aside.

But pray, Sir, what sort of Persons are they that have engaged in this new Plot, as you call it?

N.

Why, between you and I, Sir, every one that had the impudence to prosecute the old One: And 'Gad, Sir, let me tell ye, it is but rea∣sonable; for the King and Duke have declar'd it shall be so.

Rem.

And indeed I believe that's all the evidence they have to prove it. But pray, Sir, what Persons are taken up about it?

(Aside.

N.

Oh! a great many, you may be sure; but the chief are Count Aristander, who is clapt in the Great Tower, together with the Lord Poliarchus, and Timon, 'Gad, whom I am very sorry for; he is a Brother of the Quill, and, 'Gad, some sharp things were found by him, fo that he was committed among the rest.

Rem.

Against whom did he write, pray Sir? Did he name any one?

N.

No, no; but the truth on't is, he wrote very scurrilously, that I must needs say, and upon a false Topick.

Rem.

Yes, I heard he had the confidence to write, that Kings were made of the same Flesh and Blood as other People; that they were subject to the same Infirmities as other Men; that Lusts, Pas∣sions, and Vices, were sometimes predominant in them, as in others; and consequently when any of them were so given over to all sorts of Licentiousness and bloody Tyranny, as to neglect the great End for which they were set over their People; and instead of protecting them in their Laws, Liberties, Religion, and Lives, they would

endeavour wholly to subvert and destroy them; that then it was lawful for such a People to take such proper means as might restrain; and if that would not do, to resist, and obtain that by force, which he would not in Justice grant: And all this as his private general Opinion of the Case, without the least Reflection on the King or his Government.

N.

Ay but, Sir, if the King thought it was, 'tis sufficient for his Im∣prisonment and Condemnation.

Rem.

Nay, he was not so wise as the Fox in the Fable, who mee∣ting a Beast with a bunch in his Forehead, going to the Lion's Court, told him the King's Proclamation to forbid the access of all horned Beasts. But the Beast pleading his Bunch was no wise a Horn, the Fox warily caution'd him with your Question, What if the King should call it so? But all this while, Mr. Nobbs, this is Arbitrary and Tyrannical.

N.

Udslife, how came this Hobby-horse with such a weighty Ob∣jection? 'Gad I must pump hard to confute it in my next Observator; and 'Gad I'll do it, I'll warrant me.

(Aside.

Remarquo,

This is dangerous Discourse, let me tell you; but it shall go no farther, because you are my Friend: But 'Gad I could give you such an Answer to't, as should make you stare.

Rem.

I am willing to be instructed.

N.

Ay but, Sir, I shall take my own opportunity, and so fare∣wel.

[Ex. Nobs.

Rem.

He still keeps to his old way of Answering, like a Dog when he lights of a very hard Bone, he smells to it, and lets it lie.

Ah, poor Hungaria! How endless are thy Sorrows! To what yet cruel Fate art thou reserved? By what unheard-of strange Abominations Hast thou provok'd these heavy Plagues and Judgments? Thou hast seen the Bulwark of thy Lawsthrown down, Thy Rights and lawful Liberties invaded: Thou hast seen thy faithful, pious, generous Sons Expos'd to the rage of barbarous Assassins; Others by cruel wily Arts betray'd, And Victims made to a mock-seeming Justice.

Thou hast seen thy King and Father careless stand

(Like Nero harping o'er the Fire of Rome)

Smiling and revelling in wanton Lusts, Whilst his insatiate cruel-minded Brother, Like the same Nero, blandisheth his Sword, Wishing, with him, that at one fatal blow He might compleat his faithful Peoples ruine. Wake, drowsie Monarch from thy Lethargy, And shun the threatning Dangers that surround thee. In vain we cry, in vain we do complain. Unwilling and unable he to hear us. Drench't in a Sea of Lust and Sloth he lies, Unable to recover till he dies.

ACT V. Scene II.

The Royal Nurse.

Enter three Citizens and Remarquo.

1. Cit.

AY, Neighbour, that's true; but however I care not how many Plots there are, so there be no Taxes.

2. Cit.

True; what care I if the Sanhedrim don't sit these seven years. A murrain on 'em, they never come together but it costs me as much Money as would maintain my Family a Month: Beside, 'twonld be ill manners to pretend to love 'em, when the King so solemnly hates 'em.

3. Cit.

Why, to be plain, Neighbour, I could be content to live without Taxes as well as any of you; but I fear we shall pay for it one day; as they say, the King is not made of Money, nor is he so very thrifty of that little he has, but that he must want in a little time; and then 'tis more than probable we must play over the second part of the Tune call'd Royal Aid, or Ship-Money, or something worse. Come, come, Neighbour, the Sanhedrim have been very bountiful already, and there has been but very odd Accounts of the laying it

out; and now they are willing to keep their Hands in their Pocket, till they know what use their Money's to be put to.

Rem.

A good honest sort of a plain Fellow this, and not altoge∣ther insensible.

[Aside.

1. Cit.

But, Neighbour, were Sanhedrims ordain'd for nothing but to find out ways to give the King Money?

3. Cit.

Not for these twenty years last past, I think they have been of little use else.

Rem.

He is in the right on't; for the King and his Brother being very wise good Men themselves, did not need their Advice in any thing else.

2. Cit

But what news have we got to day, Neighbour? What says that bawling Nobs, in his plauguy Observator?

Enter Country-man.

3. Cit.

Why, he says there is a most horrible New Plot; and that there's above half the Kingdom concern'd in it.

Rem.

Ay, and the better half every way; for there's hardly an honest Man in the Kingdom but will be brought into it.

[Aside.

3. Cit.

Look, look! is not that Mr. Trueman of our Country, Neighbour? 'Tis he, I believe, just come to Town too; I'll speak to him. Sir, I am glad too see you; How long have you been come?

Count.

I am just alighted, thank ye, good Country-man. Well, how fares it with you? What good News stirring?

3. Cit.

Why, truly nothing at present, but the old News of the New Plot.

Count.

Is that all? I am glad of it indeed. I was in Company yesterday-morning near forty Miles off, where it was confident∣ly asserted, That Count Aristander had kill'd himself in the Tower.

Rem.

Ha, ha! kill'd himself, quoth he, I wish I had a good Lease of his Life till that time.

2. Cit.

How! kill'd himself! Pray, Sir, we had not a word of it here.

Count.

Why only cut his own Throat, or so; Sir, that's all.

Enter fourth Citizen.

1. Cit.

Neighbour Gripewel! Neighbour, come hither, I'll tell you some News. Ha, ha, cut his Throat, quoth he!

4. Cit.

What news?

1. Cit.

Why, this Geatleman heard in the Country yesterday, that Count Aristander, that wise, temperate, pious Nobleman, had kill'd himself; cut his own Throat, Mun; ha, ha, ha.

4. Cit.

Yesterday? you mistake, Sir, it was to day.

Count.

No, no, Sir, it was yesterday, and forty Miles off this place, so it was.

4. Cit.

Why, I tell you it was impossible; it was this very day, and within these two hours.

Rem.

What, Sir, you heard it within these two hours?

4. Cit.

No, Sir, it was actually done within these two hours; Ari∣stander cut his own Throat, Sir, within these two hours in the Tower, Sir; I came but just from thence.

Omnes.

Heavens bless us! Is it true then?

4. Cit.

He did it with a Razor, and with a good will too, for he has almost cut his Head off; and after he had done it, he steps to the Window, and throws out the Razor, that he might not be found Felo de se.

Rem.

Oh! my misgiving Soul, how true a Prophet hast thou proved!

4. Cit.

I can tell you father, that the good Lord Poliarchus is up∣on his Trial found Guilty of High Treason.

Rem.

Oh, good Heavens! Murther! Murther! plain design'd Murther! Oh, unmatch'd Villany! Oh, unspeakable cruelty!

[Aside.

Whether shall Innocence or Vertue fly? Where can they hope to find a safe Protection? Where can the Needy and the Poor retire From the vow'd rage of prosecuting Foes, If thus the Great, the Noble, Pious, Good, Fall, equally obnoxious to their Malice? What Place? what Guard can be secure or safe, If thus the Palace, Castle of the King, Where sure inviolate as in his presence All should remain, till thence by Law delivered) Is made the Den, the Trap, the Snare for Murther? Oh! ye Eternal, Just, Revenging, Powers!

If the loud Sins of this unhappy Nation, Have thus brought down your Plagues and Judgments on us, In Mercy now desist from farther ruine. See how the heaps of slaughter'd Bodies lie, The Monuments of your Almighty Justice! Oh! now forgive and stay the slaughrering Angel, That that thus with undistinguish'd rage pursues us. Our fainting Spirits now at last restore; In pity let Hungaria bleed no more.

[Ex. Remarquo.

ACT V. Scene III.

The Vestry belonging to the Jebusites Chappel at St. Jacques.

The Scene opens, and discovers Caligula; his Confession. Two Jebu∣sites and Le Talbo at Counsel; about the place hang Pistols, Dag∣gers, Guns, Bow-strings, Halters, and all other Instruments of Death.

Cal.

WEll, Holy Father, what do's yet remain, Which I with glad concurrence will not grant, To render meour Mothers worthy Son? Tell me, my wise Instructors; have not I Shewn and drawn out in lively Characters, A just assurance of your future Joys? I think if Loyala himself were here, And with impartial Judgment consider, How strict I have been a Follower of his steps: How to the life I've copied his Original: How well digested and improv'd his Precepts, I think, grave Fathers, he nor you could blush To own and praise the merit of my Deeds.

Cor.

Great Sir, believe it quite impossible To find that Villain, that could dare deny Th' Mighty Wonders of your glorious Life. Truth, like the bright Meridian Sun, shines out,

And to the gazing wondring World, discovers More Valour, Wisdom, in your single self, Than half Mankind together else can claim: In mighty Acts of War invincible, In Peace superlatively Wise and Prudent. But above all, great Sir, your holy Zeal,

(Like the bright Moon amidst the twinkling Stars)

Has, with such vast effectual Influence, Scatter'd its golden Rays among your People, That after-Ages will be at a stand Where they shall fix your highest Attribute; And doubt which most they should extol and praise, Your Courage, Wisdom, or your Piety.

Cal.

'Tis true, I suck'd in with my Infant-Milk, Which only with my Blood can be allay'd; A flaming Zeal to holy Mother-Church. And though all Art and Industry be try'd, Whereby to right and raise our sinking Cause; Yet while my Brother, whose soft timerous Nature Delays and clips the Wings of all our Hopes, While he dams up and clogs the easie passage, To the wide Field of Power and Liberty, I fear we toil in vain.

Jeb.

Our Holy Cannons, Great Sir, declare it lawful and deserving, To lay aside all Obstacles that seem A Damage or Dishonour to our Church; And we can hardly doubt Androgynes, If he be truly Pagan, as he owns, Will grudge or scruple once to step aside, Till by the means of his more active Brother, Our dropping Cause revive.

2. Jeb.

'Tis not our Care To search his Will, which great Caligula, Convinc'd by our Advice and solid Reasons, Declares his Pleasure in this weighty Case: Our Duty bids us bow, and straight obey him.

Cal.

Our Holy Prophet knows, most Reverend Fathers,'tis not Ambition prompts my eager Soul, thus to ascend the Throne my Brother fills; Nor can it Interest be, since all the Kingdom, my Treasures mount almost to In∣finite; nor can the other Darling of ones Soul, Revenge, allure me to com∣mit this Deed.

Rem.

Why, when he speaks thus, he certainly pretends to banter us.Ud∣slife, sure he would not mock us: Not Ambition, quoth he! No, not Ambition by any means; though he could dispence with, and intreigue and endeavour to supplant his Brother, before he enjoy'd his Crown: But that's all one; he does but blandish our own Weapons; and we'll give him leave to talk, so we get but our Ends of him. And then again, 'Tis not Interest: Ha, ha, ha; I'll vow he makes me laugh: No, not Interest? though by Traffick and Merchan∣dising, by the best Places of Profit, and by cheating his Brother, he has scrap'd up half the Money of the Kingdom, for this very Use and Design: And then for Revenge, since I am never like to be his Enemy, and consequently not liable to it, I'll not trouble my self much with it; though by the bye, I could instance in a Cloud of Witnesses, to bear Testimony of his calm forgiving Nature.

Cal.

'Tis only, Reverend Sirs, a Pious Zeal To propagate, or re-induce, with speed, Those Holy Principles, that Glowing Faith, Which warm'd the the Souls of our Wise Primitive Fathers.

Cor.

Designs so Pious, ought to be encouraged, And prompted with the Hopes of vast Rewards: Masses, Indulgences, and Dispensations Shall Crown your Work, even to Infinity; Our Prayers shall all, Unanimous, be sent To our most Holy Prophet, and his Mother, For Success here, and joy t'your Soul hereafter. But say, Great Sir, When will your Generous Soul, Spare a few Minutes for so Great a Work.

Cal.

To Morrow Night he does design to Revel, And Sup with Count d' Arlin, and my self: I have agreed le Talbo shall be there. And help to Administer, and serve at Table: And when his Heart is warm with Love and Wine; His Fancy tickled with Delight and Pleasure; When with his Praises we have fill'd his Thoughts, And lull'd his Reason quite beyond suspition; Then, Holy Fathers, then, the Minute blest, Which by his Loss restores our Joys forever. This is the manner, that the appointed time; Fly Lazy Minutes, prompt on the Lazy Sun; Sick with delay, I faint 'till it be done.

(Exeunt Omnes.

ACT V. Scene IV.

Scene St. Jacques.

Enter King Solus▪

K.

WHO waits there? Enter Waiter: Where is Erone?

Wa.

May it please your Majesty, she waits the Dutchess's com∣ing in the Antichamber: You both can sing Damon's Farewel. Call her, and let me hear it.

[Exit Waiter.

E••••••a and the Waiter appear within the Scenes; they Sing to 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Musick of Flutes Lutes, and Base-Viols.

K.

Methinks a strange unusual Melancholly, Has of a sudden siezed my Flagging Spirits: Avert all ill, you Powers!

Enter Caligula, Count D' Arlin, Le Talbo.

The King points to them to stand still while the Song is singing.

SONG.

Phil.

MUST we part? Stay, stay, dear heart; Stay but one poor hour or two: Sure there's more than that, to Love and Friendship due. Da. Though theres Musick in thy Tongue, And every Word's a well-tun'd Song: Though thy Tears can more perswade, Than Prayers by dying Martyrs made; Yet they cannot Fate re-call; Tears, with Death, cannot prevail.

Phil.

Shall rude Death then me bereave Of my Love's Prerogative? Stay, dear heart, Love bids thee stay.

Da.

But Fate, hard fate, commands away.

Phil.

How shall I, alas! Survive, When for thee alone I live; When thy Life and Beauty's dead, Love and Grief, Love and Grief, Shall quickly strike me Dead.

Corus.

Come then, let's leave this World together. And mount those blest Abodes; Where we'll be Lords o're Death and Fate, And equal to the Gods.

K.

'Tis a good Melancholly Humour; Is it not Brother?

Cal.

Sir, I am no admirer of dull, heavy, Love Songs; I am for the noise of Drums and Trumpets, and Shrieks of Conquer'll Enemys: I hope to see him make me a little such Musick by and by: This Song might serve for an Epi∣taph; I wonder how the Devil he came to hit on this unluckly Humour! I hope he has no dying thoughts of a sudden, that may spoil our design

[Aside]

It grows pretty late; I wish your Majesty would honour us with your Com∣pany at Supper.

K.

Ay, come lead on.

Come all sit down; we must be equal here:

(They retire within the Scenes, which open, and discover a Table spread, &c. They sit down.

Cal.

Le Talbo, thou must wait; the rest retire:

Some Wine Le Talbo.

[Exeunt Attendants.

(They fall on Eating.

Sir I be bold to Whisper; Long last Corinna's Charms.

K.

Come with all my heart; I love the little Jade strangely: She has some little Pouting looks, that take me very much.

Cal.

I have that will take him more: Come fill to D'Arlin.

D' Ar.

Your Highness is in a very pleasant humour; I Cogratulate it: Has your Highness any extraordinary Occasion for it?

Cal.

Why verily, D' Arlin, that which revives all Mankind

[He Whispers the King]

The bravest Bona, Roba, Fresh and Plump, Fine and Gay. Your Ma∣jesty will give me leave to part in time, for the Minute draws near.

Le Tal.

For his Destruction.

K.

Prithee, Caligula; thou hast put me a gadding too. Le Talbo, get me Chocolate before I part.

Cal.

Fortune still waits upon me! Why he thrusts himself upon it, without my Advice or Assistance. Well, I may say my Conscience is clear. (Aside.) Come, D' Arlin, thou hast a sweet Tooth left, a ticklish Vain doubtless

[Aside. (Le Talbo gives Chocolate to the King and D'Arlin.

K.

'Tis well made; and a good taste.

D'Ar. turns his Faoe about and makes wry Faces as if he was sick.

(They drink.

D'Ar.

Well, I'll straight be ready to go.

[He pulls out Pen and lnk and writes

Cal.

I'll warrant thee ready to Dye presently.

(Aside.

D'Ar.

What strange dizzyness is this that o're whelms my Brain! My Spirits sink and throb about my Heart: Heaven keep us from Treachery: I'll give the King a hint, Heavens preserve him, and I care not.

(He Writes.

Le Talbo.

It works too soon, I fear

(Aside to Cal.

Cal.

Never fear; if he fall now, there's his Old Distemper will bear the worst can be said;

(The King seems to sit uneasie.

he has been us'd to an Apoplexy, and this will symbolize with it.

(Aside.

D'Arlin (rising.)

I must take my leave of your Majesty, while I send this Note.

K.

No, stay 'till we all go.

(King pulls to make d'Arlin stay; and in the mean time, he slips the Letter into the King's hand, unseen.

D.

Read this, Great Sir! I have just

Life enough to wish you safe

(Aside.) Ex. d'Ar.

The King turns to the Window with the Letter, and while he Reads, he Faints back, and falls without speaking.

Le Tal.

(running)

Heavens save ihe King!

Cal.

Save him! What dost mean? His Life? If thou wer't another Bro∣ther, thou should'st pay for that Word, if he should recover; I'll not have so much as one good Wish, during my Reign, which I reckon is well be∣gun. Here, make a noise, and Alarm the Court! We must have the For∣mality of Mourning. Well, Is not this an easie way of obtaining a King∣dom?

He, whose aspiring Heart to Empire bears, Should banish first all empty Doubts and Fears; Never consider, so he can obtain, The Care, the Crime, the Danger, but the Gain. The End of the Fifth Act.

The Scence closeth, and Exeunt omnes.

FINIS.