Private devotion and a brief explication of the ten commandments

REPENTANCE· CHAP. XVI. See CHAP. VI. §. 5. and CHAP XI. §. 2. (Book 16)

I. Consession.

I Have sinned, O Lord, I have dealt wickedly, I have led an un∣equal, untoward and polluted life. I have sinned before thee, when asham∣ed of humane view; before thee my Father, my Judge, my Benefactor, my Worship and my God. O absurd and stupid wretch!

In thought, word and deed, with all the powers and abilities thou hast given me, with affection and design have I sinned against thee, most Mighty and most Holy! Ungrate∣fully and basely, grievously and pre∣sumtuously,

particularly, &c. have I sinned: and Lord, how often? se∣cretly and openly: in the chamber, as, &c. an•• in publick, as, &c. tread∣ing upon thy earth, and covered with thy heavens: yea •• have sinned in the House of God, and in the midst of my Pray••rs and Invocations, as &c.

Is this then the Image of God, is this a Christian, an heir of eternal Life? [••his a Priest and Dispen∣ser of the pure Word and Sacra∣ments of the Lord Jesus.] Ah this is nothing but clay and dirt, unclean∣ness and misery.

II. Contrition.

THe soul that is troubled and the spirit that is vexed cryeth unto thee, O Lord.

I Relent, I grieve, I am heartily sorry for this demerit and irri∣tation of thy Divine justice. I am ashamed, I abhor my self. I am

perfectly we••ry of this corrupt life.

What shall I do, whi••her shall I turn? I am ashamed to look up to heaven, that beh••lds my vile∣ness, to heaven which I have abus∣ed and despised. I will bowe my self to the earth and the grave, that waits to hide and devour such a wretch. I will s••ite upon my breast, with the conscious publicane, upon my breast the box and origine of all this mischief. And do thou strike this rock, O holy Jesus, that the waters may freely flow: that my tears may mingle with thy blood; my humble and sincere repentance reach thy propitiation and remission.

Dissolve thou sinful clod, trem∣ble thou earth, earth, earth, at the presence of the Lord, at the pre∣sence and vindication of the God of Jacob, who turned the ••lint stone into a springing well. I wish for the tears of David pierced with the matter of Uriah, the mourning

of Jeremiah, and the dejection of Ma∣nasseh.

I recollect and confess in parti∣cular unto thee my more grievous sins (the rest are without number) in the bitterness of my soul. Thus and thus have I done &c. I give glory to thee as Achan, I confess and am confo••nded at the enormi∣ty and presumption and villanous circumstances of my offences, as &c.

I hide not my unrighteousness, as Adam in the garden, who led the way of sinning and of repen∣tance. I hide not, I cannot hide, but with tears and dread remorse acknow∣ledge to thy most pure and omnisci∣ent Majesty my faults, my follies, yea rather my wilfulness, my hardness, my vices, my criminal and de∣plorable life. And lo here I judge and reprove and condemn my self at the bottom of thy throne: and yet I am not enough abased. He

cannot fall too low, whose merit is hell. My deformation and destructi∣on is only from my self, from my perverse and incorrigible self: my relief and salvation is from thee only. Father, thou knowest my sins, and thou knowest my anguish. It is not easy to transgress thy commands, and reflect upon the transgressions. My flesh trembleth for f••ar of thee: and I am afraid of thy judg∣ments, O Lord. I dread that great day, when the thrones shall be set, the books opened, and my shame∣ful life recited, and all my works of darkness exposed in perfect light. I tremble, lest the blessed Jesus, who shed his blood for my redemption, and hath so earnestly urged and offered me pardon and peace and eternal life, should then condemn me: and the mighty angels and holy men of all ages and nations, newly clothed with immortal and illustrious bodies, hiss me from the righteous Tribunal,

and the mouth of hell receive my bo∣dy and soul into exquisite torments without light or pity. My present horrour and confusion is great: but what is this to everlasting burnings?

III. Supplication.

GReat and gracious God, Father and fountain of mercies, have mercy upon me an•• spare me. Out of the depths do I cry unto thee. I have depressed by staind and miserable soul to the brink of hell. Out of the depths do I cry unto thee, Fa∣ther spare me, Father pity me. I am oppressed, I am in great misery: my soul is exceeding sorrowful as unto death: Eli, Eli, hear me and pardon me. Enter not into ••udg∣ment with me, who am dust and ashes, sin and weakness: Let not the storm overwhelm me, nor the depth of sorrow swallow me up, nor the sence of thy anger destroy

me. Psal. 69.15. Father, I am no more worthy to be called thy son, or to be reckoned in thy creation. But according to the infinity of thy mercies, O Lord, do away my iniquity, and blot out my transgres∣sions. Psal. 51.1, 2. My heart fail∣eth me: O Lord make hasts to help me. Psal. 40.30.

By thy cries and pains, O Jesus, deliver me from the guilt and bur∣den of my sins, from the terrors of my wakned conscience, and from the unconceivable torments of hell. By thy wounded head, thy bored hands, they lanced side, thy pierced feet, thy tortured body and afflicted soul; by all the disgraces and pas∣sions of Gethsemane, Gabbatha and Golgotha save me and deliver me, O Christ, at this hour, and at the hour of death, and in the day of judgement. Amen. Father and Savi∣our and Comforter, let this bitter cup pass from me I humbly beseech

thee. Look upon me, O precious Saviour, Lamb of God, in my sor∣row and distress, as once thou didst on Peter that denied thee and wept bitterly: Compassionate me as thou didst the sinful Magdale••e, and as thou didst the penitent thief, who confessed and believed in the anguish and paroxysme of the Cross. I de∣served all their griefs and ten thou∣sand pains and punishment more. Intercede now for me, Holy Jesus, with thy dying petition, Father for∣give them; for they know not what they do. O Lord of glory, I look unto thee, I earnestly look unto thee whom I have pierced: whom not so much Herod and Pontius Pilate and the Roman souldiers, as sin∣ful and wretched I have dishonour∣ed, pierced and crucified. Lord for∣give, Lord save me, or I perish for ever. The Christ of God hide me in thy wounds. By the blood of thy testament revive and release me. I

hope in thy merciful intercession.

For thy Fatherly tenderness, and the numberless blessings already re∣ceived from thy bountiful hand, and through the passion and mediation of thy beloved Son, and by the unut∣terable groans and suggestions of thy holy Spirit, pardon and deliver me, Lord God Almighty. Amen.

IV. Resolution.

I will never adventure more to try and weary the grace and pati∣ence of Almighty God, the righte∣ous judge and avenger. I now break off my sins by repentance and resolved amendment. I see what brought me to this shameful and perillous defection: it was this oc∣casion, that invitation, that excess, that eye; this rashness, that supi∣nity. Wherefore I now solemnly Re∣nounce, cast off, and abominate the wicked and wounding practises of my life, as &c; together with all

their inducement, and princi∣ples.

From this very hour, and bles∣sed be God who hath granted me this hour, by prayer, temperance, charity, industry, fear and caution in all my actions and enterprices, I fully purpose, and now begin, God hel••ing me of his infinite goodness and pity, to alter and Reform my life, according to the gospel and ex∣ample of Jesus Christ my Lord: and also by kindness, charity and almsdo∣ing, I will manifest to the world the sincerity and vigour of my Repen∣tance and renovation.

V. Petition for grace.

HOly Father, incline, direct and fortifie my heart to pursue this pious and necessary Resoluti∣on; that iniquity be not my ruine. Ezek. 18.30. Thy grace is suffici∣ent for me. Lord soften, bruise▪

change and reform my soul according to thy own will according to thy own image, and after the likeness and in∣nocence of Adam, when thou first breathest into him life and reason; yea according to the same t••mper and purity, I most humbly beseech thee, wherein by thy grace I once ascended from the laver of Regene∣ration. Tit. 3.5. Amen for Jesus Christ his sake.

Pardon and destroy not: Am••nd and destroy not, Most merciful Cre∣ator, the work of thy own hands, by me presumptuously and shame∣fully profaned: Destroy not, O bles∣sed Saviour, the purchase of thy pre∣cious blood, the decaying part of thy mystical body. Destroy not, O Holy Spirit, the subject of thy regenera∣tion and various bounty. Destroy not, O everblessed and everadored Tri∣nity, the humblest and meanest of all that believe and worship thy Ma∣jesty. Oh break not this bruised re••d.

Let the wicked forsake his ways, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon, for Jesus's sake. Isa. 55.7. Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, (alas, I feel my transgressions heavy and numberless as the sands of the sea) and I will give you rest, saith the compassionate Saviour.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest for your souls. Matth. 26.28.29.

This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief, I the vilest. 1. Tim. 1.15. Such gracious sentences of the Holy Scriptures are my last hold, are my plank. O Lord, make haste to help me.