Ortho-epia Gallica Eliots fruits for the French: enterlaced vvith a double nevv inuention, vvhich teacheth to speake truely, speedily and volubly the French-tongue. Pend for the practise, pleasure, and profit of all English gentlemen, who will endeuour by their owne paine, studie, and dilligence, to attaine the naturall accent, the true pronounciation, the swift and glib grace of this noble, famous, and courtly language.

To the learned professors of the French tongue, in the famous citie of London, Io. Eliot Sanità e guadagno.

MEssires, what newes from Fraunce, can you tell? Still warres, warres. A heauie hearing truly: yet if you be in good health, haue ma∣ny schollers, get good store of Crowns, and drinke good wine, I doubt not but you shall do well, & I desire the good God of heauen to continue it so still. Haue they had a fruitful vintage in France this yere, or no? me thinks our Bourdeaux wines are very deare, and in good faith I am very sorie for it. But they will bee at a more reasonable reckoning, if these same loftie leaguers would once crouch & come to some good cōposition. A vengeance of the mutinous race of the demouorers, demo∣gorgons, demi-diuels, who eat vp the poore populace of France. I pray the prince of Paradice to poure downe his peace priuily vpon them, that we may safelie fetch their deifiyng liquor, which dieth quickly our flegmaticke faces into a pure sanguine complexion. Surely for my part, Fraunce I loue well, French-men I hate not, and vnto you I sweare by S. Siobe cap de Gascongne, that I loue a cup of new Gascon or old Orleans wine, as wel as the best French of you al: Which loue you must know was ingendered in the sweet soile of Fraunce, where I piaffed like a bon companion, with a steele at my girdle, till the Friars (a can∣ker of the curssed Couent) fell to drawing of naked

kniues, and kild indeed the good king Henrie of Fraunce, the more was the pittie. Since which time I retired my selfe among the merrie muses, and by the worke of my pen and inke, haue dezinkhornifistibulated a fantasticall Rapsody of dialogisme, to the end that I would not be found an idle drone among so many famous teachers and professors of noble languages, who are very busie dayly in deuising and setting forth new bookes, and instructing our English gentlemen in this honorable cittie of London: but after the worthie example of the wise Philosopher Di∣ogenes, who among the Syracusians seeing euery man be∣stir himselfe, some to repaire walles, others to new furbish their armes, some sounding drums, others trumpets, some riding horses, others trayning soldiors, and al in very great expedition of warre; least hee should seeme only idle a∣mongst so many busie-bodies, what doth he good folkes? what doth he? marie I shall tell you by and by, if you will giue me but a little leisure; In great vehemencie of spirit he tucketh vp his sleeues, girdeth close his gowne, chargeth on his shoulders his tunne, the imperiall pallace, and run∣neth vp to the toppe of a high mountaine nere the citie, where in all diligence hee begins to belabour his roling citie, to set it going, to turne it, ouerturne it, spurne it, bind it, wind it, twind it, throw it, ouerthrow it, tumble it, rūble it, iumble it, did ring it, swing it, fling it, ding it, made it leape, skip, hip, trip, thumpe, iumpe, shake, crake, quake, washt it, swasht it, dasht it, slasht it, naild it, traild it, tipt it, tapt it, rapt it, temperd it, tamperd it, hammerd it, hoopt it, knockt it, rockt it, rubd it, tugd it, lugd it, stopt it, vnstopt it, tied it fast, then losed it againe, rusht it, crusht it, brusht it, pusht it, charmd it, armd it, farmd it, set it an end, laid it a∣long, harnest it, varnest it, burnisht it, furnisht it, stickte it

full of feathers, caparrassond it, & rold it amaine from the steepe rocke to the low bottome, ouertakes it, takes it on his shoulder, mounts the hill, and turles it downe agayne with violence, staies it, plaies with it, and fetcheth it a mile from him. Whom when the Siracusians espied, what did they, I pray you? what might they imagine? what could they thinke? did they not laugh at the poore philosophers extreme paines? Go looke if you haue the leisure: and do not blame me, if because I would not be found a loyterer in mine own coūtrie, amōg so many vertuously occupied, I haue put my pen to paper: if I haue bene busie, labourd, sweat, dropt, studied, deuised, sought, bought, borrowed, turnd, translated, mined, fined, refined, enterlined, glosed, composed, and taken intollerable toile to shew an easie en∣trance and introduction to my deare countrimen, in your curious and courtesan French tongue: to the end to ad∣uance them as much as may bee, in the knowledge of all vertuous and noble qualities, to the which they are all na∣turally addicted. But I pray you be readie quickely to ca∣uill at my booke, I beseech you heartily calumniate my doings with speede, I request you humbly controll my method as soone as you may, I earnestly entreat you hisse at mine inuentions, I desire you to peruse my periodicall punctuations, find fault with my pricks, nicks, and tricks, proue them not worth a pin, not a point, not a pish: argue me a fond, foolish, friuolous and phantasticall author, and persuade euery one that you meet, that my booke is a false, fained, slight, confused, absurd, barbarous, lame, vnperfect, single, vncertaine, childish peece of worke, and not able to teach, and why so? Forsooth because it is not your owne, but an Englishmans doing. Faile you not to do so, if you loue me, and would haue me do the like for you ano∣ther

time. So with the gentle Beso las manos, the Petite ac∣collade, and with the Courtesan clip clasping you fast by the buttockes, I pray the God Aesculapius patron of Phisitions, Mercurie the God of cunning, and Dis the father of French crownes, in santy long time to conserue your Sig∣niories, that you may haue as faire a life in this world, as had the goodly and wise Philosopher Epictetus, who did nothing else all his life time but take his eases, and as a re∣nowned poet sayth in your owne language:

Saulter, dançer, faire les tours, Boire vin blanc & vermeil, Et ne rien faire tous les iours, Que conter escuz au soleil.

Id est,

Skip and dance, trip on toe, Drinking White and Claret-wine: And naught euery day did doe, But tell crownes and bags of coyne.

I greet you all, gentle doctors of Gaule, Adieu.