Devotions vpon emergent occasions and seuerall steps in my sicknes digested into I. Meditations vpon our humane condition, 2. Expostulations, and debatements with God, 3. Prayers, vpon the seuerall occasions, to Him / by Iohn Donne ...

11. EXPOSTVLATION.

MY God, my God, all that thou askest of mee, is my Heart, My Sonne, giue mee thy heart; Am I thy sonne, as long as I haue but my heart? VVilt thou giue mee an Inheritance, a Filiation, any thing for my heart? O thou, who saydst to Satan, Hast thou conside∣red

my seruant Iob, that there is none like him vp∣on the earth, shall my feare, shall my zeale, shall my iealousie haue leaue to say to thee, Hast thou considered my Heart, that there is not so peruerse a Heart vpon ea••th; and woul∣dest thou haue that; and shall I be thy Sonne, thy eternall Sonnes Coheire, for giuing that? The Heart is deceitfull, aboue all things, and desperate∣ly wicked; who can know it? Hee that askes that

question, makes the an∣swere, I the Lord search the Heart. When didst thou search mine? Dost thou thinke to finde it, as thou madest it in A∣dam? Thou hast sear∣ched since, and found all these gradations in the ill of our Hearts, That euery imagination, of the thoughts of our hearts, is onely euill continually. Doest thou remember this, and wouldest thou haue my Heart? O God of all light, I know thou knowest all; and it is

Thou, that declarest vnto man, what is his Heart. VVithout thee, O Soueraigne goodnesse, I could not know, how ill my heart were. Thou hast declared vnto mee, in thy Word, That for all this deluge of euill, that hath surrunded all Hearts, yet thou soughtest and foundest a man after thine owne heart, That thou couldest and wouldest giue thy peo∣ple Pastours according to thine owne heart; And I can gather out of thy

Word, so good testimo∣ny of the hearts of men, as to finde single hearts, docile, and apprehensiue hearts; Hearts that can, Hearts that haue learnt; wise hearts, in one place, and in another, in a great degree, wise, perfit hearts; straight hearts, no peruersnesse with∣out, and cleane hearts, no foulenesse within; such hearts I can find in thy Word; and if my heart were such a heart, I would giue thee my Heart. But I find stonie

hearts too, and I haue made mine such: I haue found Hearts, that are snares; and I haue con∣uersed with such; hearts that burne like Ouens; and the fuell of Lust, and Enuie, and Am∣bition, hath inflamed mine; Hearts in which their Masters trust, And hee that trusteth in his owne heart, is a foole; His confidence in his owne morall Constan∣cie, and ciuill fortitude, will betray him, when thou shalt cast a spiri∣tuall

dampe, a heaui∣nesse, and dei••ction of spirit vpon him. I haue found these Hearts, and a worse then these, a Heart into the which the Deuill himselfe is entred, Iudas heart. The first kind of heart, alas, my God, I haue not; The last are not Hearts to bee giuen to thee; What shall I do? With∣out that present I can∣not bee thy Sonne, and I haue it not. To those of the first kinde, thou giuest ioyfulnes of heart,

and I haue not that; To those of the other kinde, thou giuest faint∣nesse of heart: And bles∣sed bee thou, O God, for that forbearance, I haue not that yet. There is then a middle kinde of Hearts, not so pe••fit, as to bee giuen, but that the very giuing, mends them: Not so despe∣rate, as not to bee ac∣cepted, but that the ve∣ry accepting dignifies them. This is a melting heart, and a troubled heart; and a wounded

heart, and a broken heart, and a contrite heart; and by the po∣werfull working of thy piercing spirit, such a Heart I haue; Thy Sa∣muel spake vnto all the house of thy Israel, and sayd, If you returne to the Lord with all your hearts, prepare your hearts vnto the Lord. If my heart bee prepared, it is a returning heart; And if thou see it vpon the way, thou wilt carrie it ••ome; Nay, the prepara∣tion is thine too; this

melting, this wounding, this breaking, this con∣trition, which I haue now, is thy Way, to thy Ende; And those discom∣forts, are for all that, The earnest of thy Spirit in my heart; and where thou giuest earnest, thou wilt performe the bar∣gaine. Naball was con∣fident vpon his wine, but in the morning his heart dyed within him; Thou, O Lord, hast giuen mee Wormewood, and I haue had some diffidence vpon that;

and thon hast cleared a Morning to mee againe, and my heart is aliue. Danids heart smote him, when hee cut off the skirt from Saul; and his heart smote him, when hee had numbred his people: My heart hath strucke mee, when I come to num∣ber my sinnes; but that blowe is not to death, because those sinnes are not to death, but my heart liues in thee. But yet as long as I remaine in this great Hospitall, this sicke, this disease∣full

world, as long as I remaine in this le∣prous house, this flesh of mine, this Heart, though thus prepared for thee, prepared by thee, will still be sub∣iect to the inuasion of maligne and pestilent vapours. But I haue my Cordialls in thy pro∣mise; when I shall know the plague of my heart, and pray vnto thee, in thy house, thou wilt pre∣serue that heart, from all mortall force, of that infection: And

the Peace of God, which passeth all vnderstand∣ing, shall keepe my Heart and Minde through Christ Iesus.

Notes

• Prou. 23.26.
• Iob. 1.8
• Ier. 17 9
• Gen. 6.5
• Amos 4.14.
• 1 Sam. 13 14.
• Ier. 3.15.
• Ezech. 11 19.
• Eccles. 7.26.
• Prou. 28.26.
• Io. 13.2.
• Ecclus. 50.23.
• Leuit. 26 36.
• Ios. 2.11.
• 1 Sam. 7.3.
• 2. Cor. 1.22.
• 1. Sam. 25.37.
• 24.5.
• 1. Sam. 24.10.
• 1. Reg. 8.38.
• Phil. 4.7