A strange horse-race at the end of which, comes in the catch-poles masque. And after that the bankrouts banquet: vvhich done, the Diuell, falling sicke, makes his last will and testament, this present yeare. 1613. VVritten by Thomas Dekker.

A strange Horse-race.

THE first step into a Princes Court, treads not in the brauest roomes, but they are reached to, and ent••e•• by as∣censio••s, and degrées. This state and complement begetting more obser∣uance, delectation, astonishment, and reuerence: by the same 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ••••sser squares draw••••. For if you come into a Gold-smiths, or Lapidaries shop, and desire to buy the fairest Iewels; the running Artizan tempts you first with slight ones, and then bewitcheth you with costlier, and (for the vp-shot) strike•• your eye with ad∣miration, by gazing at the best of all. So that 〈◊〉〈◊〉 man, (how wretched soeuer) can comparatiuely be miserable, be∣cause the pal••••e dame hand of Fortune can throw him to no basenesse and deiection so low, but hee shall fall vpon s••me o∣ther as low as himselfe. Euen likewise 〈◊〉〈◊〉 contrary par•••• are there no obiects of triumph, (a•• ••ashe•• presentations, banquets, and such like) how glorious soeuer of themselues, but may haue their splendor and dignity ••eightned by a com∣paratiue tra••••cing of things in the same rank•• and qua∣litie.

Giue me leane therefore, first to make a flourish with my pen, and cleare the way, (as a Fe••cer doth in a May-game) for more roome, vntill the Masquers come in: so shall you know the cause of that cost, and the sumpt••••••snesse of the Banquet; to which I wish no man to be too sawcy in pressing in, lest he pay more déere for his sweet 〈◊〉〈◊〉 (the banquet being prepared in ••••ll) then the ••••essing 〈…〉〈…〉 of one

Peacocke, and two Pheasants cost in one of the Kings of Tunis his Kitchin, which amounted to an hundred duckets. What talke I of an hundred duckets? Nay, lest he be more peppered then those Masons, Bricke-layers, and Carpen∣ters were, that builded those Pyramids in Egypt, during their worke ab•••••• o••e of which Pliny brings in a ••••t of a 1800. Talents, that were laid out for Scallions, Onions, Garlicke, and Léekes onely, besides Bread and Cheese, which he scores not downe: for belike the Gypsey-Kings left that vnpaid.

But before either this Masque, or Suger-feast come mar∣ching in their true and most sw••••t state, I inuite you (for va∣riety) to behold a Race, on ••••••t, and horse, with some tri∣umphing in Chariots, after the Roman fashion: to set forth which of ours 〈◊〉〈◊〉 their thundring velocity, lightning-like vio∣lence, and earthquak••••••, ••••orrying, so liuely, that (i•• it were possible) the noyse should make you mad, as the sight could make you merry: I will (as I held it fit, before) giue you se∣uerall pictures of Races, that in former Ages ran themselues out of breath•• to the end that the now dead colours of the one•• may set off the braue, fresh, and amazeable-starting pa∣geantry of these our other. When the Romans were Lords ouer the world, and their Emperours maisters ouer them, no glory was wanting to illustrate their triumphes, after the 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of stronge Nations, nor any cost spared in po∣pular presentations, to binde vnto them, and bewitch the hearts of their owne people, after their victorious returning home.* 1.1 Those that did triumph▪ sate in Chariots guilded all 〈◊〉〈◊〉, drawne sometimes by white horses; so was Augustus: somtimes with Elephants, so was Pompey. To excell whom in that pride, Caesar had his Chariot of triumph drawne by forty Elephants: so•••• haue béene drawne by Harts, and so was Aurelianus. In these Chariots, with the Emperours, sate their sonnes, as heires to their fathers glory; and after them followed the Roman Souldiers, crowned with gar∣lands, as partners in their Emperours honours. Before the Chariots we•••• the Capti••••s, (Kings, Quéenes, and o∣thers)

chained, the spoyles taken in warres, borne al•••••• to despite them, and more to dignifie the Conquerour, pictures and countersets of all the Citties, Mountaines, Riuers and Battailes, from whence they came victors, were drawne in Ensignes to the liueliest portrature, all supported before the Triumpher.* 1.2 And in this last manner did Germanicus Caesar enter into Rome, in a triumphall Chariot, loden with fiue of his children, after the victories gotten against the Cheru∣sie, Chatti, and Angrinari, with all other Nations inhabiting to the riuer Albis, as Corn. Tacit. sets downe in the second of his Annalles.

Now, lest these highest exaltations of Fortune should make their Emperours swell into too much insulence, and so into a scorning of their subiects; the Souldiers themselues, yea and the common Plebeians that stood vpon 〈◊〉〈◊〉 so beh••ld these sights, would commonly (in ha••e of such honours, and in abatement of such pride that might 〈…〉〈…〉 Empe∣rours) as they march in all that pompe, ca•••• b••••ter aspersi∣ons vpon them. As for example: When Ven••idius Ba••sus came home in a Parthian triumph,* 1.3 the Souldiers aloud cry∣ed out thus in mockery of him; Behold, 〈…〉〈…〉 la••ely rub'd horses heeles, is now your glorious 〈◊〉〈◊〉. And at another time to the people thus: O you Citizens of Rome, keepe your wiues at home in your shops,* 1.4 you are best for now we haue brought you your bald-pate Whore-maister, their Em∣perour hauing, at that time, more used of a peri••ing, then a Barber.

These beames of worldly felicity sh•••• ab••••t ••he heads of their Princes: let vs now sée what pleasures the Roman peo∣ple enioyed.

For them were built Theaters,* 1.5 and Amphi theaters, in some of which might fit fourescore thousand people together; the Theaters themselues being some of ••••one, some of wood, curiously adorned with columnes, and Images of their Em∣perours: some guilded all ouer, some mouing vpon whéeles, to avoyd the heate of the Sunne. All of them spacious, all sumptuous: In these they somtimes saw playes tragicall or

comicall,* 1.6 with all sorts of musicke, Doricke, Chromaticke, soft and delicate, Lidian, Nypolydian mournfull, fit for Tragedies: and to these sorts of musicke they had all sorts of Dauncing; And Hyporchema (in time of a pestilence) a daunce to Apollo in the Campe; The Pyrichian, which was a daunce in Armour: In the Chamber (as wee now haue) dances,* 1.7 with wanton gesticulation. All which, as well Mu∣sicke as Daunces, they borrowed from the Greekes.

* 1.8Then had they both in Circo, & Theatris, (their Race and Theaters) fights both on foot and horsebacke; some∣times Man to Man, now and then Men and Beasts in∣countring together, three hundred Gladiators, or Sword-players,* 1.9 fighting at one time at sharpe, with equall number. In which pastimes Gordianus the Emperour, to feede the people to the full, consumed twelue dayes, euery dayes pre∣sentation▪ varying from each other; As sword-playing, 〈…〉〈…〉 kindes, casting of Dartes and Speares,* 1.10 Chariot-chaces, Huntings, and such like; In one day to a hundred Fencers, thrusting out a hundred and fifty of the fiercest Lybian beasts; in another a thousand, which they were to kill with their swords, or to hazard their owne liues: for he maintained a large and thicke wood, strongly defensible, in which ran two hundred wilde Harts, thirty vn-back'd fierce horses of Brittaine, a thousand sheepe, ten Roe-buckes, which he caused to be guilded all ouer; thirty wilde Asses, a hundred and fifty wilde Boares, two hundred Ibices, and two hundred wilde Heluetian Goates: vpon all which he cryed hauocke to the people, to haue them torne in peeces in one solemne festiuall meeting.

* 1.11The like did Philippus Arabs the Emperour, at two se∣uerall times; the first at the celebration of the Circumcisi∣on Games (so called of Circus, the place where they were performed) At which time he turned out two and thirty Elephants, twenty Tygers, an hundred Hyenae••, one Rhy∣noceros, threescore tame Lyons, and ten curle-mained Lyons, ten Panthers, thirty Leopards, and ten fierce Horses to be cut in péeces.

The second time was at the celebration of those games, which were held but once in a hundred yeares; and there∣upon were called Ludi Seculares, (of Seculum, an age of a man, which was then counted an hundred yeares) their So∣lemnization being in honour of Apollo, and Diana. Against which day a Cryer went vp and downe the Citty of Rome,* 1.12 with this note: Whosoeuer will see games, which no man aliue hath euer seene, nor any man liuing shal euer see more, now let them come. At which time, the Rites due to that Celebration béeing performed, and the people of Rome in infinite numbers assembled together, he caused to bee hun∣ted (besides the beasts before named, to as great or a grea∣ter number) ten horned Elkes more, by no other persons, then by two thousand Fencers, armed onely with their Swords in their hands, the beasts running loose, madding and roaring vp and downe.

Thus haue you s••ene the Roman Emperours in their Chariots of Triumph,* 1.13 after which the people further re∣warded them with Statues, or Images made to the life, some in massy gold, some in siluer, some in brasse, and some in marble, vpon which were insculped and richly cut out, all their Battailes, Conquests, and Triumphes: and be∣sides these Statues,* 1.14 they had also at first Crownes of Gold sent them, and those were after changed to Garlands of Laurell, the honour of both being all one. The common people receiued after their combats, fights, victories, &c. (to incite them likewise to hunt after ••ame, & military renowne) wreathes & Coronets to adorne their temples. The horse∣men and Charioters being by this time wearied, giue way for the infantery to come vp, and try how nimbly they be••tir their héeles. In which Races on foot, not onely the Ro∣manes, but also the Greekes, Troians, Athenians, Mace∣donians, and many other Nations excelled for their incredi∣ble swiftnesse: I thinke the wilde Irish are be••t at it in these latter times. This kinde of exercise had three changes in it: For some, vpon whose heads the wagers were layd, stood breast-wise in a direct line, at a marke, and ran onely to

a goale proposed and left there:* 1.15 others being at the goales end before their fellowes, wan no glory by it, vnlesse they could againe recouer the marke from which they first set forth.

* 1.16The third Race was to run and returne to and fro, from the marke to the goale, without intermission by the space of eight changes, and neuer vnder sixe: and he that could hold out his winde so long, to be first at the bounds where he be∣gan his race, carryed away both garland and prizes.

* 1.17My Muse could heere leaue running at Base thus vpon earth, and stretching her wings forth to a more noble expan∣sion, soare aloft vp into the Celestiall Habitations, and from thence bring news, what race the Sun runs in his Zodiacall Circle,* 1.18 where he sets out euery morning, and where he rests euery night: at what houses he stayes (being 12 in number) and how long he tarries, in what part of the world he shor∣tens his Careeres, and in what part hee enlargeth it: his fires burning at all times alike,* 1.19 but not alike in all places: by whose heate all Countries do propagate and bring forth blessings to their inhabitants; but no Country can boast she possesseth all, because what one wants, another should sup∣ply, and so euery land to be beholden one to another: then to shew, that al-be-it he runs not in a perfect Orbicular Circle, but that sometimes he runs side-wise with an oblique carri∣age of his body, yet his course is constant: his horses, (Pi∣rois, Eous, Aethon, and Phlegon) as they are foure in num∣ber, making foure great Stoppes, or Careeres in Heauen, which beget foure Changes, or foure Renouations of time vpon earth,* 1.20 that is to say: the Vernall, Aestmall, Autum∣nall and Brumall, they kéeping euer their day (like iust De∣bitors) onely a few minutes difference. But so much reue∣rence do I owe to the Diuine study of the transcendently-learned Astronomer, that I lay downe heere this Buckler, knowing him most worthy to take it vp.

* 1.21From tracing therefore any further the wheeles of this Illuminous Chariot, wherein the God of the day rides, our Protean Muse altering the shape of her course, a little lower

could stand and discouer how the Queene of the night (••he Moone) is, (with a swifter whirling then the Sunne her bro∣ther) whirled vp and downe in a coach of siluer, & there shew likewise,* 1.22 why sometimes ••he sits Horned, sometimes Halfe-faced, sometimes Full and perfectly Round: then, where that Light is locked vp that is taken from our sight; and by what meanes, and how so quickely it is againe restored.

Then could I without helpe of her light, slip in a moment into the Seas, and saile onely by that Star, whose influence now guides my pen. There could I describe what warlike Races the Winds held with the Waters:* 1.23 their Wrastling, Running, Retiring, and Chasing this way and that way, like two great Princes striuing for Superiority, and con∣founding, by their contention, not themselves, but those vn∣der them,

Quicquid delirant Reges, plectuntur Achiui.

But because you shall not bee weary by being weather-beaten in Tempests: suppose the Windes haue spent their Malice (like Rich-men, vndon by going to Law in defending vniust Actions) But the Seas swell still vp by a Naturall pride which the Moone (their Mistresse) puts into them,* 1.24 because their Nature being quarrellous, they rage (like Roaring Boyes vpon the Land) that they can fasten no opposite to go together ••i'th eares withall, the next they meete they instle, and that's the Earth: there they purpose to begin ano∣ther Race; for their Wanes run (like Mad-men out of Bed∣lam) beyond their bounds vp into the Land, doing what they can to swallow it, and that shewes (me-thinkes) like an vn∣thrifty riotous Heire, washing away (in Tauernes) the possessions of his father, and his owne Patrimony, whilst the carefull old man seekes to keepe all within compasse; as the walles of the Earth striue to hold the vnruly Waters within their owne dominions, and to bar them entrance in∣to her owne, for all their bustling, and for all their billowes, we are now leap'd safe on shore.

Whilst thus I stand vpon the soft and vn-remoueable ha∣bitation of our great Grand-mother (the Earth) Another

Race,* 1.25 is presented to mine eie, for I could heere describe, how the foure Elements, (like so many wheeles in a Clocke) are proportioned to more diuerse waies, and with strange tur∣nings, yet all to meete in one delicate tune within Mans bo∣dy, And then,* 1.26 if any one of those foure Protectors, bée pre∣dominant aboue the other, and so set the rest together by the eares, how then the bloud hath his Race, and runnes into diseases, and the shortning of that Race is to stumble at Deaths Dore. Againe, if I should rifle this Treasure-house of liuing Creatures, and looke into the depth of it, I could bring you to those hidden Races of Minerals,* 1.27 and Mettals, which the Sunne neuersees, yet can they not liue without him: there should you behold a Mine of Lead,* 1.28 labouring to turne it selfe into Tynne, and so to rise to preferment; but like a poore Man, that workes day and night to grow rich, hee striues with impossibilities, and is at the yeares end no bet∣ter then at the biginning.* 1.29 There should you behold a Mine of Tynne, (sister to Siluer) vsing all the Art she can, to be transform'd into her sisters shape, and to carry a beauty as faire as her's; but like a Rich Man, that hauing enough, and being well to liue, yet practiseth vnlaw••ull courses to encrease his state,* 1.30 as his, so her doings do seldome prosper: There likewise should you behold a Mine of Siluer, ambitiously as∣piring to bee as glorious Gold: but she workes like an Alchi∣mist, watches long, and looses her labour; yea, though shee were able to passe through those twelue gates.

• 1 Calcination.
• * 1.312 Dissolution.
• 3 Separation.
• 4 Coniunction.
• 5 Putrifaction.
• 6 Congelation.
• 7 Cibation.
• 8 Sublimation.
• 9 Firmentation.
• 10 Exaltation.
• ...

• 11 Multiplication.
• 12 Proiection.

And so come to weare in a King, the very Phylosophers Stone, yet the triall of her beauty would bee when her painting came to the Touch▪ Last of all,* 1.32 you should there likewise behold (the eldest child of the Sunne) A Mine of Gold, who being King of Mettals, neuer aspires to bee higher, because it knowes, there is none aboue him.

Touching Minerals of ba••er quality let vs not cast our eye vpon them, hauing enriched our Lading with the best; hoyst now vp Sailes, therefore from hence and away; for these Races (if I should measure the shortest of them to his end) would weary me too much, and appeare, yrkesomely, too long, like that iourney of Philippides, who ranne one thousand, two hundred and forty furlongs (which makes 155 miles) (from Athens in Greece to Lacedemon) in two daies, if Polyhistor lies not.

I could here be content after this weary Uoyage, round about the vast compasse of the world (dispatcht, as you sée, by my Sea-chariots, within a little time,) now to fire vp Herculean Pillars, and write vpon them Non vltra. But our Muse is ambitious,* 1.33 and (to her) Non sufficit Orbis, she must on againe. For she hath one Race yet to Run, which (for Antiquity) is as Reuerend, (for Persons) as Renow∣ned, (for the Contention) as Glorious, and (for the Uicto∣ry) as Memorable, as any that euer yet haue bene in the World.

It is (because you shall weary your eyes with staring no longer) A Race or Challenge betwixt the Uertues that dwell in the little world (Man) and the Uices to whom hee giues free entertainement;* 1.34 they are all ready to present their Troupes, and to do their Deuoire: But before they enter the lists, (some on horse-backe, some on foote, some in Chariots) I will play the Herauld to marshall them in order, according to their quality and worth, and send them forth, marching in braue equipage before you.

* 1.35The Vertues are not Mounted, and haue Few Follow∣ers, they haue no Plumes, and so, no Pride; their Attire is decent, sober, girt to them, and ciuill: their Faces graue, austere in very swéetenesse, swéete in austerity; fairest when they are neerest; louely a farre off, and all open; vsed to no maske, their pace demure, maiestically-humble, constant and comely.

* 1.36The Vices are Gallant Fellowes, they are Mounted, and haue no small Fooles to their Followers: they haue Plumes, like Estridges, and Perfumes like Muske-cats, (so strong) they are soone smelt out: for Attire, they carry Lord∣ships on their backes, a Knights liuing in their Bréeches, & a Shop-kéepers wealth in a Hat-band, Garters, and Shoe∣strings; Their Faces light,* 1.37 anticke, impudent, disdainefull, amorously bewitching, shadowed now & then, but not possi∣ble alwaies to be couered: As a Fools face can neuer be hid.

The Vertues will go sometimes from you (when anon you see them) but the Vices will still come with their Faces towards you, for if you looke narrowly vpon their backes, if they shew but them to you first, you will straight turne taile to them too, & no more care a pin for their company, vnlesse you be mad; I will giue you an example of some of them, that carry their heads highest: thus,

* 1.38The Hole i'th' Counter, is the Backe of Riot; if a Pro∣digall lay there in Hunger and Cold, but fiue such moneth•• no worse then the last great Frost was, in a deere yéere, and in a Plague-time when no body would come at him; and this hée should suffer before hee bound himselfe for euer to his Mercer, being sure, else, to suffer it after-wards, I doe not thinke but my Gallant would loue a warme Freze Ierkin better then a saite of cut Sattin, and choose rather (like a Horse) to draw béere, then to weare rich trappings like an Asse, for which his bones pay so derrely, So

* 1.39Head-ach is the Backe of Drunkennes: if the Head-ach would knocke our Coxcombs soundly, so soone as wee cry out Drawer in a Tauerne, we should neuer quarrel with y^e

Watch, nor breake do 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Bandy-house windowes of mid-night.

But best sinnes, like the worst faces, are most and euer painted, and that's the reason they so bewitch vs, for it is a good eye can see their deformity: Hearke,

The Trumpets sown••,* 1.40 they are ready for the Lists: be∣hold, they enter; you perhaps (that are but Standers-by) may mistake them, and therefore I will describe them, as they either begin the Race or end it.

The first that r••ns, is Blasphemous Insolence, a Turke, (for you must vnderstand, that of all Nations, some are at this Race) he will be first,* 1.41 because he will be first; his looks are full of Darings, his voyce thunders out Braues; hee laies downe Threates insteed of Wagers, hee scornes to Wage any thing vpon an euen Lay, for if terror or tyrany can win it, he will haue All; By his side comes his Surgeon (called Infidelity) the horse he rides on is swift Uengeance, his two Pages are Fyre and Sword.

A Christian Lady runs against him, her name Innocen•• Humility, if she get to the 〈…〉〈…〉, she is promised a paire of wings, besides the pr••••e her looks are modest, her words few, to her-selfe (as shee sets forth) she praies, she has one∣ly one Maid waites vpon her, called Sufferance; they both run on foote: Sée, see, the Turke flies like a winged Dragon, the Christian flies too, like a D••ue, yet with no••••er speed; ••h••e has now gotten the better way 〈◊〉〈◊〉, and is gone be∣yond him, and sée! Rage and Hast to disgrace her, in her spéed,* 1.42 haue cast him from his Horse; his owne Horse kickes and tramples on the Maister. The Christian Lady runs in pitty to saue him: but he cursing Her, and calling onely vp∣on his owne Surgeon (Infidelity) shee (for want of skill) poisons his wound in steed of curing it; he's dead: his Sur∣geon rips his body, to search what was perished within him (vpon so ••light a fully as she tearmes it) and (see!) his heart is turned into a Flint,* 1.43 Blacke, and Hardened as Marble; & lying ••rown•• in the bloud of a thousand poore Hungarians, yet all that could not ••often it. The Wager they ranne for

was a Garland of Palme-trées held vp by a Lady at the Goales end (whose name is Eternity) and by her giuen to the Christian Conqueror, with the Wings, besides, which were promised her, if shee fainted not in her Race. When the whéeles of Desire are once set a going, the more weights you hang vpon them, the faster turne they about, for lo•• all the Opponents in this Race-running haue done what they came for in a moment, whilst you were busy about the first Challenger and Defendant, so great was their Fernor: but I haue the Roll here of the persons and their names, and al∣be••t you haue lost the sight of them in Action, you shall not loose the sport of it in my Relation.

* 1.44The second that ran, and made the brauest show, was a yong Gallant, his name, Prodigallity, loued of many La∣dies for his good gifts, and followed by many rich Citizens sons, who were preferd vnto him by their fathers Mony, he sat in a Chariot,* 1.45 open on euery side, foure Horses drew him, (Rashnesse, Luxury Folly, and Hanger-on) his Coach-man being drunke, A Whore whipped him for-ward, and made all Fly; at the backe of the Chariot, two leaped vp, & were drawne after him, viz: Beggery and a Foole, whose gesture of making mouthes and anticks faces was excellent sport to the spectators, he ran a swift and thundring pace, after him and close by him rid many Merchants, Mercers, and Silke-men, who had laid great Wagers on his head, but he gaue them all the slip▪ and was before hand with them still.

* 1.46The Defendant whom he challenged, was a polliticke Belgicke, his name, Hans-thrift (a Dutchman) vigilant in his course, suttle in laying his wager, prouident in not ven∣turing too much, honest to pay his losses, industrious to get more (twenty sundry waies) if hee should happen to bee cheated of all; his Horse was not so swift as sure, his Attire not curious, but rich & neate, they set out both together, but before Prodigallity came halfe way of his iourney, Thrift got the start of him, out-went, out-wearied, out-spent him, tother lost all, this won what the other lost.

Prodigality vpon this disgrace hid his head,* 1.47 〈◊〉〈◊〉 incoun∣tring when, he went away, with a c••ue of Male-••ontents, they schooled him, and they spoyled him: for in a ho••e bloud hee presently grew desperate, and swore to vnder∣take (for raising of his fortunes) the plots of Treason,* 1.48 to blow vp kingdomes, to murder ••ings, and to poyson Princes: But the Hang-man 〈◊〉〈◊〉ing their whispering, set vp a paire of gallowes in his way at which hee can ••••lt▪ but, fell downe, brake his necke, and neuer since could kéepe any good quarter.

The third that same sneaking in was a 〈…〉〈…〉 faced shotten-herring-bellied rascall,* 1.49 his nose ••r••pt as soone as he entred into the Race, whose ••••lth, because it would scoure, and so same so••e, hee wrapt vp in as filthy a hand-kercher: his apparrell was cut out of 6 or 7 religio••s, and as they turned, that turned: He stole one onely 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of fire from Prodigality, which hee to•••• betwixt his hands to 〈◊〉〈◊〉 them: he had in his pocket (to victuall him for this voyage) two dried cobs of a red herring reserued by a ••••••••menger at the ••iege of Famagosta, & then afterward laid on a 〈◊〉〈◊〉, and the 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 that had 〈…〉〈…〉 at the 〈◊〉〈◊〉 In∣dies. This Thing was a Vsurer, cald Niggardlinesse, he had no page, but two Brokers (out of their loue to him,* 1.50 hoping to get by it) came along with him vpon their owne charge.

Against this wretch (in braue 〈◊〉〈◊〉) 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ••orth 〈◊〉〈◊〉 did Lord (that is now no 〈◊〉〈◊〉 for has 〈◊〉〈◊〉 place in the Countrey, & all the 〈◊〉〈◊〉 in it smoke•• 〈…〉〈…〉 his money as he spends the water that passeth to his house, it comes thither in great pipes, but it is all consumed in his kichin, his name Hospitality. It is a graue & reuerend coun∣teneance; he weares his bea•••• 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of purpose, that y^e haires being white, & kill in his eie, he may 〈…〉〈…〉 a∣ny thing vnworthy their honor: his app〈◊〉〈◊〉 for war••••••••, not brauery: if he thinke ill at any time, he presently think•• wel: for iust vpon his breast he wears his Reprehension. As a iewel comprehends much treasure in a little roome; and as that nut-shell held•• all Homers Iliads smally written in

a péece of Vellum. So, though the trée of his vertues grow high, and is laden with goodly fruit, yet the top-bough of all, and the fairest Apple of all he counteth his Hospitali∣ty: His bread was neuer too stale, his drinke was neuer sowre, no day in the yeare was to them that are hungry, A ••asting day, yet he ••bseru••s them all: Hee giues mode∣rately euery houre, but in reuerence of one season in the yeare, all that come may fréely take.

* 1.51And this is (as the Booke doeth remember) The cold frosty season of December: Phoebus waxed old, and hewed like Lato•••• That afore in his hot Declination Shone as the burned gold, with streames bright, But now in Capri•••••••••• adowne he light, Where is he shor•••• full pale, I d•••••• well seyne, The bitter frostes with the sleet and ••a••e Destroyed hath the greene in euery yerd, Ianus firteth by the fire with double ••erd, And drinketh of his Bugle-hor•••• the wine, 〈…〉〈…〉 the Brawne of the 〈…〉〈…〉

The h••rse he sate vpon was gray and aged, like his mai∣ster,* 1.52 but weake by reason of yeares; yet his heart good, and knew the way to many holy places, whither hee had 〈◊〉〈◊〉 carried 〈…〉〈…〉 he should ••n∣counter 〈…〉〈…〉 an opposite as he saw stand brauing; ••ee breathed a kinde of quicke fire in and out at his snoring no∣strils in signe he had quickned his old courage, and that he wished to stand on •••• ground till this ••••••••ke were ended. Forward therefore both 〈◊〉〈◊〉,* 1.53 Hospitality had thou∣〈…〉〈…〉 and prai••es 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Niggardliness euery man laughed, euery man disdained him; none clapped him on the backe, but his two trunch-men (the Brokers) the tother rode like a prince with all eyes throwne vpon him in admiration: but this poore 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ran as if a scar-crow had flowen: it was

not a running, but a kinde of false scur••y Am••le, or rather Hobling, which put him into such a heate (he neuer in all his life sweating before) that hee melted all his tallow, which at the most was not able to make a pi••••ing Candle; and so the snuffe of his life went out ••••inking. Before hee dyed, he gaue his keyes to the Brokers, and made them his heires, with charge to bury him there in the high-way, onely to saue charges, and to strip off his cloathes, which he made them sweare they should sell: Et hic finis priami, and with that word he lay as dead as a dogge. His heires performed his will, and going home me••••••, to share his wealth, which they knew to be infinite, they 〈◊〉〈◊〉 nothing in the house but two peny Halter: (for all his money hee had buried vnder the earth in a field) the sight of this struck cold to their hearts: and so (séeing their owne Father▪ as it were, had cozened them) the Broke•• went ••••th away like a cupple of Hounds from the dogge-house in a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 toge∣ther, and lye buried at the grate which receiues the com∣mon Sewer in the midst of Hounds-ditch. Hospitality had the honour of the day, and went away: crowned with poore mens Benedictions.

The next Contenders that followed those 〈◊〉〈◊〉 an Eng∣lish Knight and a Spanish▪* 1.54 the Don was a temperate and very little féeder, and no drinker, as all Spaniards are: the Knight had béene dub'd onely for his valour in that seruice: to it they went both, h••••••ed alike, manned 〈…〉〈…〉 a∣like, the Spaniard not so gawdy, but more rich. Sir D••go∣net had scarce set spurs to his Bucephalus, but with health•• which he tooke out of euery commanders fist, drinking to his ••oone voyage, ••e fell sicke, & his horse both of the Scag∣gers, of which hee neuer recouered:* 1.55 hee had (besides his Page) some Voluntaries that attended him, that is to say, the drowsie and decayed Memory, the one filled his glasses, the other his Tobacco-pipes. Shortnesse of Life held his bridle, and helped him stil off. The Diego was a dapper fel∣low, of a frée minde and a faire, bounteous of his purse, but

sparing in his Cups, as scorning to make his belly a wine∣••eller, therefore the more nimble; and hauing nothing in him but fire, (as the other nothing but the contrary E∣lement) hee flew before the winde like a gallant Pinnace vnder sayle,* 1.56 and held out his Race to the end, leauing the English-man dead-drunke, in lesse then a quarter of the way.

* 1.57Then came in two by two, other Troopes, whose on∣sets, and ouer-throwes, honours, and disgraces, darings, and dauntings, merit an ample Chronicle, rather then an Abstract; of all which the Braggadochio-vices still got the worst: the Vertues departing in Triumph, but not with any insulting. And thus the glory of this Race ended.

Now, as after the cleare streame hath glided away in his owne current, the bottome is muddy and troubled. And as I haue often s••ene, after the finishing of some worthy Tragedy, or Catastrophe in the open Theaters, that the Sceane after the Epilogue hath béene more blacke (about a nasty bawdy Iigge) then the most horrid Sceane in the Play was: The Stinkards speaking all things, yet noman vnderstanding any thing; a mutiny be∣ing amongst them, yet none in danger: no tumult, and yet no quietnesse: no mischife begotten, and yet mischiefe borne: the swiftnesse of such a torrent, the more it ouer∣whelmes, bréeding the more pleasure.

So after those Worthies and Conquerours had left the field, another Race was ready to begin, at which, though the persons in it were nothing equall to the for∣mer, yet the shoutes and noyse at these was as great, if not greater. They marched in no order, and that made them séeme comely; Handsomenesse in them had beene a disgrace, the worse they shewed, the better they were liked: They could do nothing ill, because they could doe nothing well, and were therefore commended, because there was in them nothing commendable: Such praise

as they brought, they caried away; and this it was.

The first Troope that came thronging in,* 1.58 were a com∣pany of braue staring fellowes, that looked like Fle∣mings, for they were as fat as butter, and as plumpe in the face as Trumpeters are when their chéekes swell like bladders. No horses could bee hired for them: for (as Gallants doe Citizens) they were sure to breake their backes: they were all Foot-men therefore, and ran very heauily (like men going to hanging) because if they should fall, their bellies making them leape hea∣uy, they were sure to breake their necekes. These ter∣med themselues Epicures,* 1.59 and all that heard them be∣léeued it: for their Guts was their God, their Heads, Hogsheads of wine, their Bodies, Cages for wild-fowle, and their Soules nothing else but the steame and breath of roasted Capons serued vp piping bot. These ran into a thousand mens Debts, but ran so farre one from another, (for feare of breaking Ribbes if they had iust∣led) that they would be sure neuer to run in any certaine danger.

The last Race they ran (for you must know they had many) was from a cry of Sergeants: yet in the end the Law ouer-tooke them, and after a long, sweaty, and troublesome Race, ouer-threw and layd them in the dust; they dyed in prison, and were buryed in silence.

After them came in a pert Lawyer,* 1.60 puffing and blowing (one that for putting a wrench into the Lawes mouth, to force her to speake any thing, was pitched ouer the barre) and hee can really: but with whom thinke you? against this owne Conscience: but in the Race (sweat and sweare, do what he could) she gaue him the slip, tired him extreamely, and was still out of his reach the length of Gracious street, at the least; yet the Lawyer was a goodly man, strong, and full of action,

and his Conscience nohing in the world to speake of.

* 1.61The next was one that should haue beene a scholler, and was indéed, and he ran horrible fast after foure Be∣nefices all at one time, they held him nobly to it a long space; but with much adoe hee got beyond them, and wonne what he ran for: Mary hee caught such an incu∣rable cold (by reason of his pursinesse) that hes lost his voyce presently, and grew by degrees, so hoarse, that he neuer spake after to any great purpose, all his lights we••e so stopped.

* 1.62At last comes skipping in a terse, spruise, neati∣fied Capricious Taylor, new leaped from his Shop∣boord, and the Diuill could not perswade him, but hee would runne with Pride, and with none else. Pride was for him, and tooke hold of him presently, Horses were offered to them both: No (sayd the Taylor) I will not bee set on Horfe-backe, I will not ride, nor be ridden: Pride scorned any courtesie more then he. To it they go then; Pride got still before him, and he follow∣ed her at an ench like a mad-man, tooth and nayle. In the end hee had her at his backe: Pride then (for an∣ger that any should out-strip her) made such extreame haste, that shee caught a fall. The Taylor (hauing ma∣ny gallant parts of a Gentleman about him) looking aside, and seeing his Incounterer downe, came brauely to her, offering to take her vp, which she disdaining, al∣lowed him a yard before her, which hee was content to take, and to it they go againe: Pride followed him close, and comming home vp to him, spyed her aduan∣tage (being neere the Races end) and leaping forward, hit him full at the heart, and so ouerthrew him. Inraged at which, hee drew out a Spanish weapon, and would haue runne it through her; shee put him by, and cut his combe, which so cut his heart (to see a woman his con∣fusion)

that hee was neuer his owne man afterward. But he sayd hee wrought his owne woe himselfe, and confest it was his owne seeking to meddle with her; and therefore such bread as he brake, was but broken to him againe, yet swore (if a man might beleeue him) that though he sunke into hell for it, he would, at one time or other, sawce her.

This quarrell made peace; for the vn-rauelling of this bottome, was the last thréed that ended all. You now see what voyage this ship of fooles (in which these last were imbarked) hath made. Heere cast they An∣chor, and leap on Shore.

Notes

• * 1.1

  Blondus de Roma Tri∣umphante. Chariot Races for triumph. Tranquil. Suetonius. The man∣ner of Ro∣man Tri∣umphes.
• * 1.2

  Cor. Tacit. lib. 2. annal.
• * 1.3

  Qui Mulos frica••a•• fa∣ctus est Cō∣sul.
• * 1.4

  Romani seruate vx∣ores, Mae∣chum cal∣vum vobis adducimus.
• * 1.5

  In the Ro∣man Thea∣ters were alwaies their Scoe∣nici Ludi, stage∣playes.
• * 1.6

  Grecian musicke.
• * 1.7

  Plutarch. in Moralib.
• * 1.8

  Trāquillus Suctonius.
• * 1.9

  Sword-players.
• * 1.10

  Sword-playing, Hunting, and the fighting of beast in the Ro∣man Am∣phithea∣ters.
• * 1.11

  Ludi Circē∣ses, cuius ludi Origi∣nem. Virgil. lib. 5. describit
• * 1.12

  Venite ad Ludos quos nemo mor∣talem vi∣dit, neque visurus est.
• * 1.13

  Vide Plin. Lib. 18.
• * 1.14

  Aureis post-modum suc∣cesserunt, Laureae: e∣rantque & virtutis & honoris e∣iusdem praemia. Gellius.

  Garlands giuen to the Ro∣mans.

  The first sort of Rū∣ners were called Sta∣diodromi.
• * 1.15

  The secōd sort were called Di∣aulodromi.
• * 1.16

  The third sort were called Do∣lichodrmi.
• * 1.17

  Races in heauen.
• * 1.18

  The Suns Race.
• * 1.19

  Sol fons lu∣cu.
• * 1.20

  • 1 Spring.
  • 2 Summer
  • 3 Autum.
  • 4 Winter.
• * 1.21

  The 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Race.
• * 1.22

  The Sun the cause of the Moones variable shapes.
• * 1.23

  The Race of the windes & the Wa∣ters.
• * 1.24

  The Sea flowes when the motion of the Moon is downe∣wards and neerer to it.
• * 1.25

  The Race of the Ele∣ments in Mans bo∣dy.
• * 1.26

  • 1 Earth.
  • 2 Water.
  • 3 Aire.
  • 4 Fire.
• * 1.27

  The Race of Mine∣rals.
• * 1.28

  The ambi∣tion of Lead.
• * 1.29

  The ambi∣tion of Tynne.
• * 1.30

  Ambition of Siluer.
• * 1.31

  Rip••••y•• Chanon of 〈◊〉〈◊〉.
• * 1.32

  Gold hath no ambi∣tion.
• * 1.33

  A fres•• Race.
• * 1.34

  Vertue & Vice run.
• * 1.35

  Vertue is seldome mounted. Her pi∣cture.
• * 1.36

  Vice is euer mounted.
• * 1.37

  Her pi∣cture.
• * 1.38

  The backe part of Riot.
• * 1.39

  The backe part of drunken∣nesse.
• * 1.40

  The Race beginnes.
• * 1.41

  The char∣racter of a proud Turke.
• * 1.42

  The Turks owne ven∣geance prepar'd for others, cōfounds himselfe.
• * 1.43

  Hungary ouer-run by the Turkes.
• * 1.44

  Prodigali∣ties Race.
• * 1.45

  The Cha∣racter of a Prodigall.
• * 1.46

  Thrifts Race.
• * 1.47

  Discontēt the mo∣ther of Treason.
• * 1.48

  A malo in peius.
• * 1.49

  The Cha∣racter of a Niggard.
• * 1.50

  Hospitali∣ty pictured.
• * 1.51

  Chaucer in the Frank∣lins tale.
• * 1.52

  They that vphold hospitali∣ty are in these daies weake, be∣cause few.
• * 1.53

  Niggard∣linesse & Hospitali∣•••• 〈◊〉〈◊〉.
• * 1.54

  The Spa∣niard tem∣perate in dyet, the English a glutton.
• * 1.55

  A drun∣kards fol∣lowers.
• * 1.56

  Plures occi∣dit ••rapula, quam gla∣d••us.
• * 1.57

  Other Races.
• * 1.58

  Belly-gods.
• * 1.59

  Of Epicurus, from whom sprang that Sect.
• * 1.60

  A Lawyer and his conscience run.
• * 1.61

  A Vicar.
• * 1.62

  A Taylor runs with Pride.