Nevves from hell brought by the Diuells carrier. Tho: Dekker.

The Deuill let loose, WITH His Answere to Pierce Pennylesse.

GReat wagers were layd in the world, that when the Supplication was sent, it would not be receyued; or if recey∣ued, it would not be read ouer; or if read ouer, it would not be answered: for Mammon being the god of no beggers, but Burgomasters and rich Cormorants, was woorse thought of than he deserued: Euery man that did but passe through Pauls Church-yard, and had but a glaunce at the Title of the Petition, would haue betted ten to fiue, that the Deuill would hardly (like a Lawyer in a busy Terme) be spoken with, because his Clyent had not a penny to pay sees, but sued in Forma pauperis.

Had it bene a Challenge, it is cleare he would haue answered it: for hee was the first that kept a Fence-schoole, when Cayn was aliue, and taught him the Embrocado, by which he kild his brother: Since

which time hee hath made ten thousand Free schol∣lers as cunning as Cayn. At sword and buckler, little Dauy was no bodie to him, and as for Rapier and Dagger, the Germane may be his iourneyman. Mary the question is, in which of the Play-houses he would haue performed his Prize, if it had grown to blowes, and whether the money beeing gathered, he would haue cozende the Fencers, or the Fencers him, be∣cause Hell being vnder euerie one of their Stages, the Players (if they had owed him a spight) might with a false Trappe doore haue slipt him downe, and there kept him, as a laughing stocke to al their yawning Spectators. Or had his Infernallship bene arrested to any action howe great so euer, all the Lawe in Westminster-hall could not haue kept him from appearing to it (for the Diuell scornes to be non∣suited) he would haue answered to that too: But the mischiefe would haue bene, where should he haue got any that would haue pleaded for him? who could haue endured to see such a damnable Cli∣ent euerie morning in his Chamber? what water∣man (for double his fare) would haue landed him at the Temple, but rather haue strucke in at White-Fryers, and left him there ashore with a Poxe to him? Tush: there was no such matter, the streame hee was to venter into, was not so daungerous, this Coyner of Light angels knew well enough how the Exchaunge went, he had but bare wordes lent vnto him, and to pay bare words againe (thogh with some Interest) it could be no losse.

Hee resolued therefore to aunswere his humble Orater: But being himselfe not brought vp to lear∣ning (for the Diuell ean neyther write not reade) yet he has bene at all the Vniuersities in Christen∣dome, and throwne heresies (like bones for dogges to gnaw vpon) amongst the Doctors themselues: but hauing no skill but in his owne Horne-booke, it troubled his minde where he should get a pen-man fit for his tooth to scribble for him, all the Scriue∣ners ith towne he had at his becke, but they were so set a worke with making bondes betweene Vsu∣rers and Vnthriftie heires, betweene Marchants and Tradesmen (that to coozen and vndoe others, turne Banke-rowtes themselues, and defeate Cre∣ditors) and with drawing close conueyances be∣tweene Landlords and Bawdes, that now sit no lon∣ger vpon the skirtes of the Cittie, but iett vp and downe, euen in the cloake of the Cittie, and giue more rent for a house, then the proudest London oc∣cupier of them all, that Don Lucifer was loth to take them from their Nouerints, because in the ende he knew they were but his Factors, and that he should be a part-owner in their lading himselfe; Lawyers clarkes were so durtied vp to the hammes with trud∣ging vp and downe to get pelfe, and with fishing for gudgeons, and so wrung poore ignorant clients purses, with exacting vnreasonable Fees, that the Paymaster of Perdition would by no meanes take them from their wide lines, and bursten-bellied straddling ffs, but stroking them vnder the chinnes,

cald them his white boyes, and told them he would empty the Inke-pot of some others.

Whither then marches Monsieur Malesico? Ma∣ry to all the writing Schoolemasters of the town. He tooke them by the fists and lik'd their handes excee∣dingly (for some of them had ten or twelue seuerall hands & could counterfeit any thing) but perceiuing by the copies of their countenances, that for al their good letters, they writ abominable bad English, and that the world would thinke the Diuell a Dunce, if there came false Orthographie from him (though there be no truth in his budget) away hee gallops from those tell-tales (the Schoolemasters) damning himselfe to the pit of Hell, if Pierce Pennylesse should euer get a good word at his handes.

I hearing this, and fearing that the poore Sup∣pliant should lose his longing, and bee sent a∣way with Si nihil attuleris, resolued (euen out of my loue to Pierce Pennylesse, because he hath beene alwayes a companion to Schollers,) to doe that for nothing, which a number would not for a∣ny money.

I fell to my tooles (pen, inke, and paper) round∣ly, but the Head warden of the Horners (Signior Beco Diauolo) after hee had cast vp what lay in his sto∣macke, suspecting that I came rather as a spie to betray him, then as a spirit to runne of his errands, and that I was more likely to haue him to Barber Surgeons hall, there to Anatomize him, then to a Barbers shop to trimme him neately, would by no

meanes haue the answere goe forwarde: Not∣withstanding, hauing examined him vpon Interro∣gatories, and thereby sifting him to the very bran. I swore by Hellicon, (which he could neuer abide) that because tis out a fashion to bring a Diuell vpon the Stage, he should (spite of his spitting fire and Brimstone) be a Diuell in print. Inraged at which, he flung away in a fury, and leapt into Barathrum, whilst I mustred all my wits about me, to fight a∣gainst this Captaine of the damned Crew, and disco∣uer his Stratagems.

Wonder is the daughter of ignorance, none but fooles therfore will maruell, how I and this Grand Sophy of the whore of Babylon came to bee so familiar together, or how wee met, or how I knew where to finde him, or what Charmes I carried about mee whil'st I talkt with him, or where (if one had occa∣sion to vse his Diuellship) a Porter might fetch him with a wet finger.

Tush, these are silly inquisitions; his acquaintance is more cheape, then a common Fidlers; his lodging is more known then an English Bawdes, a midwiues or a phisicions; and his walkes, more open to all Na∣tions, then those vpon the Exchaunge, where at e∣very step a man is put in minde of Babell, there is such a confusion of languages. For in the Terme time, my Caualiero Cornuto runnes sweatingvp and downe betweene Temple-barre, and Westminster hall, in the habite of a knight Errant, a swearing knight, or a knight of the Poste: All the Vacation

you may eyther meete him at dicing Ordinaries, like a captayne; at cocke-pits, like a young countrey gentleman; or else, at a bowling ally in a flat cap, like a shop keeper: euerie market day you may take him in Cheape-side, poorely attirde like an Ingrosser, and in the afternoones, in the twopeny roomes of a Play-house, like a Puny, seated Cheeke by Iowle with a Punke: In the heate of Summer he common∣ly turnes Intelligencer, and carries tales betweene the Archduke and the Graue: In the depth of Winter, he sits tippling with the Flemmings in their townes of Garison.

Hauing therefore (as Chamber-maides vse to do sor their Ladies faces ouernight) made readie my cullors, the pencell being in my hand, my carde li∣ned, my needle (that capers ouer two and thirtie pointes of the Compas) toucht to the quicke, East, West, North, and South, the foure Trumpetters of the Worlde, that neuer blow themselues out of breath, like foure dropsie Dutch Captaynes standing Centinells in their quarters, I will ingeniously and boldely giue you the Map of a country, that Iyes lower then the 17. valleyes of Belgia, yea lower then the Cole-pits of Newcastle, is farre more darke, farre more dreadfull, and fuller of knauerie, then the Colliers of those fire-workes are.

The name of this straunge Countrie is Hell; In discouery of which, the Qualitie of the Kingdome, the condition of the Prince, the estate of the peo∣ple, the Traffique thither (marie no transportation

of goods from thence) shalbe painted to the life. It is an Empire, that Iyes vnder the Torrid Zone, and by that meanes is hotter at Christmas, then tis in Spaine or Fraunce (which are counted plaguy hotte Countries) at Midsummer, or in England when the dogge daies bite sorest: for to say truth (because ti's sinne to belie the Diuell) the Vniuersall Region is built altogether vpon Stoues and Hotte-houses, you cannot set foote into it, but you haue a Fieri facias seru'de vpon you: for like the Glasse-house Furnace in Blacke-friers, the bonefiers that are kept there, ne∣uer goe out; insomuch that all the Inhabitants are al∣most broylde like Carbonadoes with the sweating sick∣nes, but the best is (or rather the worst) none of them die on't.

And such daungerous hot shottes are all the wo∣men there, that whosoeuer meddles with any of them is sure to be burnt: It stands farther off then the Indies: yet to see the wonderfull power of Naui∣gation, if you haue but aside Winde, you may sayle sooner thither, than a maried man can vpon S. Lukes day to Cuckolds hauen, from S. Katherines, which vpon sound experience, and by the opinion of ma∣ny good Marriners, may be done in lesse than halfe an hower. If you trauell by land to it, the wayes are delicate, euen, spatious, and very faire, but to∣ward the end very fowle: the pathes are beaten more bare, than the liuings of Church-men. You neuer turne, when you are trauelling thither, but keepe al∣together on the left hand, so that you cannot lose

your selfe, vnlesse you desperately do it of purpose.

The miles are not halfe so long as those betweene Colchester and Ipswich in England, nor a quarter so durtie in the wrath of Winter, as your French miles are at the fall of the leafe.

Some say, it is an Iland, embrac'de about with certaine Riuers, called the waters of Sorrow: Others proue by infallible Demonstration, that tis a Conti∣nent, but so little beholden to Heauen, that the Sunne neuer comes amongst them.

How so euer it be, this is certaine, that tis excee∣ding rich, for all Vsurers both Iewes and Christians, after they haue made away their Soules for money here, meete with them there againe: You haue of all Trades, of all Professions, of all States some there: you haue Popes there, aswel as here, Lords there, as well as here, Knights there aswel as here, Aldermen there, aswel as here, Ladies there, aswel as here, Law∣yers there, aswell as here, Soldiers march there by millions, soe doe Cittizens, soe doe Farmers, very fewe Poets can be suffred to liue there, the Colonell of Coniurers driues them out of his Circle, because hee feares they'le write libells against him: yet some pit∣tifull fellowes (that haue faces like fire-drakes, but wittes colde as Whetstones, and more blunt) not Poets indeede, but ballad-makers, rub out there, and write Infernals: Marrie players swarme there as they do here, whose occupation being smelt out, by the Cacodaemon, or head officer of the Countrie, to bee lucratiue, he purposes to make vp a company, and to

be chiefe sharer himselfe, De quibus suo loco, of whose doings you shall heare more by the next carrier: but here's the mischiefe, you may find the way thither, though you were blinder then Superstition, you may bee set a-shore there, for lesse then a Scullers fare: Any Vintners boy, that has bene cup-bearer to one of the 7. deadly sinnes but halfe his yeres, any Mar∣chant of maiden heads, that brings cōmodities out of Virginia, can direct you thither: But neyther they nor the weather-beatenst Cosmographicall Starre-cat∣cher of em all, can take his oath, that it lyes iust vnder such an Horizon, whereby many are brought into a fooles Paradice, by gladly beleeuing that either there's no such place at all, or else, that tis built by Inchauntment, and standes vpon Fayrie ground, by reason such pinching and nipping is knowne to bee there, and that how well fauourd soeuer wee de∣part hence, we are turnd to Changelings, if we tar∣ry there but a minute.

These Territories, notwithstanding of Tartarie, will I vndermine and blow vp to the view of all eies, the black & dismal shores of this Phlegetonticke Ocean, shall be in ken, as plainely as the white (now vnmay∣dend brests of our owne Iland:) China, Peru and Car∣tagena, were neuer so ••ifled: the winning of Cales, was nothing to the ransacking of this Troy that's all on fire: the very bowels of these Infernall Anti∣podes, shall bee ript vp, and pulld out, before that great Dego of Diuels his owne face: Nay, since my flag of defiance is hung forth, I will yeelde to no

truce, but with such Tamburlaine-like furie march against this great Turke, and his legions, that Don Bel∣zebub shal be ready to damme himselfe, and be horne∣mad: for with the coniuring of my pen, al Hell shall breake loose.

Assist me therefore, thou Genius of that ven. trous, but Iealous musicion of Thrace (Euridices hus∣band) who being besotted on his wife (of which sin none but Cuckolds should bee guilty) went aliue (with his fiddle at's back,) to see if he could baile her out of that Adamantyne prison; the fees he was to pay for her, were Iigs and country daunces: he payd thē: the forfeits, if he put on yellow stockings & lookt back vpon her, was her euerlasting lying there, without baile or Maynprize: the louing coxcōb could not choose but looke back, and so lost her, (perhaps hee did it, because hee would be rid of her.) The mo∣rall of which is, that if a man leaue his owne busines, and haue an eye to his wiues dooings, sheele giue him the slip, though she runne to the Diuell for her labor, Such a iourney (sweet Orpheus) am I to vnder∣take, but Ioue forbid my occasion should be like thine; for if the Marshall himselfe should rake Hell for wen∣ches, he could not find worse, (no nor so bad) there, as are here vpō earth. It were pity any womā should be damn'd, for she would haue tricks (once in a moone) to put the Diuell forth of his wits. Thou (most cleare throated singing man,) with thy harpe (to the twinckling of which, inferior spirits skipt like goats ouer the Welch mountaines) hadst priuiledge, because

thou wert a Fiddler, to be sawey, and to passe and re∣passe through euery roome, and into euery nook of the Diuels wine-celler: Inspire mee therfore with thy cunning that caried thee thither, and thy courage that brought thee from thence, teach me which way thou went'st in, and how thou scapt'st out, guide me in true fingering, that I may strike those tunes which thou plaid'st (euery dinner and supper) before that Emperor of Low Germanie, and the brabbling States vnder him: Lucifer himselfe daunced a Lancashire Horne-pipe, whilst thou wert there. If I can but harp vpon thy string, hee shall now for my pleasure tic∣kle vp the Spanish Pauin. I will call vpon no Mid∣wiues to help mee in those Throws, which (after my braines are fallen in labour) I must suffer, (yet Mid∣wiues may be had vp at all howres) nor vpon any coniurer, (yet coniurers, thou knowst, are fellow and fellow-like with Monsieur Malediction, as Puncks are, who raize him likewise vp continually in their Circaean Circles) or as Brokers are, who day and night study the black Art: No, no (thou M^r of thy musicall company) I sue to none, but to thee, because of thy Prick-song: For Poetry (like honesty and olde Souldiers) goes vpon lame feete, vnlesse there bee musicke in her.

And thou, into whose soule (if euer there were a Pithagorean Metempsuchosis) the raptures of that fierie and inconfinable Italian spirit were boun∣teously and boundlesly infused, thou sometimes Se∣cretary to Pierce Pennylesse, and Master of his requests,

ingenious, ingenuous, fluent, facetious, T. Nash: from whose aboundant pen, hony flow'd to thy friends, and mortall Aconite to thy enemies: thou that madest the Doctor a flat Dunce, and beat'st him at two sundry tall Weapons, Poetrie, and Oratorie: Sharpest Satyre, Luculent Poet, Elegant Orator, get leaue for thy Ghost, to come frō her abiding, and to dwell with me a while, till she hath carows'd to me in her owne wōted ful measures of wit, that my plump braynes may swell, and burst into bitter Inuectiues against the Lieftennant of Limbo, if hee casheere Pierce Pennylesse with dead pay. But the best is, Facilis descensus Auerni, we may quickly haue a ring through his nose if he do: Its but slipping down a hil, & you shal fal into the deuils lap presētly. And that's the rea∣son (because his sinfulnes is so double-diligent, as to be at your elbow with a call, wherein he giues good examples to Drawers, if they had grace to follow his steps) that you swalow down that Newes first, which should be eaten last: For you see at the beginning, the Diuell is ready to open his mouth for an Answere, before his howre is come to be set to the Barre.

Since therfore, a Tale of the whole voyage would make any liquorish mouth'd Newes-monger lick his lips after it, no mans teeth shall water any longer, hee shal haue it; for a very briefe Cronicle shalbe gather∣ed, of al the memorable occurrents, that presented thēselues to the view of our wandring Knight in his iourney, the second part of Erra paters Almanacke, whose shooes, Platoes Cap was not worthy to wipe,

shal come forth, & without lying (as you Calender-mongers vse to doe,) tell what weather wee had all the way he went, to a drop of raine: wee will not lose him, frō the first minute of his iumping a shipboard, to the last of his leaping a shore, and arriuall at Ta∣mor Chams Court (his good Lord and Master) the Diuell.

The Post therfore hauing put vp his packet, blows his horne, and gallops all the way, like a Citizen, so soone as euer hee's on horseback, downe to Bil∣lins-gate, for he meant when the Tide seru'd to angle for Souls & some other fresh fish in that goodly fish∣pond the Thames, as he passed ouer it, in Graues∣end Barge: that was the water coach he would ride in, there he knew he should meete with some volun∣taries that would venture along with him: In this passage through the Citty, what a number of Lord Mayors, Aldermens, and rich Commoners sonnes and heyres kept a hallowing out at Tauerne-win∣dowes to our knight, and wafted him to their Gas∣coigne shores with their hats only, (for they had mol ted away all their fethers) to haue him strike sayle & come vp to them: he vaild, and did so: their phanta∣stick salutations being complemented, with much intreatie (because he stood vpon Thornes) hee was aduaunc'd (in regard of his Knighthood) to the vp∣per end of the boord: you must take out your wri∣ting tables, and note by the way, that euery roome of the house was a Cage full of such wild fowle, Et crimine ab vno disce omnes, cut vp one, cut vp all, they

were birds all of a beake, not a Woodcocks diffe∣rence among twenty dozen of them; euery man had before him abale of dice, by his side a brace of Punks, and in his fist a nest of bowles. It was spring-tide sure, for all were full to the brimmes, with French beeing turn'd into English (for they swum vp and downe the Riuer of Burdeux) signified thus much, that dicing, drinking, and drabbing, (like the three seditious Iewes in Ierusalem) were the ciuil plagues, that very vnciuily destroyed the Sonnes (but not the sinnes) of the Cittie.

The bloud of the grape comming vp into their cheeks, it was hard to iudge, whether they blushed to see themselues in such a pickle, or lookt red with anger one at another: but the troth is, their fa∣ces would take any dye but a blush-colour, and they were not made of the right mettle of cou∣rage to bee angry, but their wits, (like wheeles in Brunswick clocks) being all wound vp, so far as they could stretch, were all going, but not one going truly.

For some curst their birth, some their bringing vp, some rayled vpon their owne Nation, others vpon Strangers. At the last, one of these Acolasti playing at doublets with his pue-fellow (which they might well doe, being almost driuen to their shirts) and hearing vpon what Theame the rest sung Ex tempore, out draws his ponyard, and stabbing the ta∣bles, as if he meant to haue murder'd the thirty men, swore he could find in his heart to go presently (ha∣uing

drunke vpsie Dutch) and pisse euen vpon the Curmudgion his fathers graue: for, sayes he, no man has more vndone me, than he that has done most for me ile stand too't, it's better to be the son of a Cob∣ler, then of a Common councill man: if a Coblers sonne and heyre runne out at heeles, the whoreson patch may mend himselfe; but wee whose friends leaue vs wel, are like howre glasses turn'd vp, though we be neuer so full, we neuer leaue running, till wee haue emptied our selues, to make vp the mouths of slaues, that for gaine are content to lye vnder vs, like Spaniels, fawning, and receiue what fals from our superfluity. Who breeds this disease, in our bones? Whores? No, alack let's doe them right, 'tis not their fault, but our mothers, our cockering mo∣thers, who for their labour make vs to be cald Cock∣neys, or to hit it home indeede, those golden Asses our fathers.

It is the olde man, it is Adam, that layes a curse vpon his Posterity: As for my Dad, tis well knowne, hee had ships reeling at Sea, (the vnla∣ding of which giues mee my load now, and makes mee stagger on land) hee had ploughs to teare vp deare yeeres out of the guts of the earth i'th coun∣trey, and Yeomens sonnes, North countrey-men, fellowes (that might haue beene Yeomen of the Guard for feeding,) great boyes with beards, whom hee tooke to bee Prentizes, (mary neuer any of them had the grace to be free,) and those

lads (like Sarieants) tore out mens throats for him to get money in the Citty: hee was richer then Midas, but more wretched then an Alchumist: so couetous that in gardning time, because he would not be at the cost-of a loade of Earth, he parde not his nayles for seauen yeeres together, to the intent the durt that hee filcht vnder them, should serue for that pur∣pose: So that they hung ouer his Fingers, like soe many shooing-hornes: doe but imagine how farre euer any man ventred into Hell for money, and my father went a foote farder by the standard, and why did he this, thinke you? he was so sparing, that hee would not spend so much time as went to the making vp of another childe, so that all was for mee, hee cozend yong gentlemen of their land, one∣ly for me, had acres morgadgde to him by wise-acres for three hundred poundes, payd in hobby horses, dogges, bells, and lutestrings, which if they had bine sold by the drum, or at an outrop, with the cry, of No man better? would neuer haue yelded 50. li. & this he did only for me, he built a Pharos or rather a Block-house beyond the galows at Wapping, to which the black fleet of cole carriers that came from Newcastle, strook saile, were brought a bed, and discharg'd their great bellies there, like whores in hugger mugger, at the common price with twelue pence in a chaul∣derouer and aboue, thereby to make the common wealth blow her nayles till they ak'de for cold, vn∣lesse she gaue money to sit by his fire, onely for me: the poore curst him with bel, booke & candle, till he

lookt blacker with their execration, then if hee had bene blasted, but hee carde not what doggs barkt at him, so long as they bit not mee: his houskeeping was worse then an Irish Kernes, a Rat could not cōmit a Rape vpō the paring of a moldy cheese, but he died for't, onely for my sake, the leane Iade Hungarian would not lay out a penny pot of sack for himself, though he had eaten stincking fresh Herring able to poyson a dogge, onely for mee, because his sonne and heire should drinke eggs and muskadine, when hee lay rotting.

To conclude, he made no conscience, to runne quick to the Diuell of an errand, so I had sent him. Might not my father haue beene begg'd (thinke you) better then a number of scuruy things that are begd? I am perswaded, fooles would be a rich Mo∣nopolie, if a wise man had em in hand: would they had begun with him, Ile be sworne, he was a fat one: for had he fild my pockets with siluer, and the least corner of my coxcomb with wit how to saue that sil∣uer, I might haue bene cald vpon by this, whereas now I am ready to giue vp my cloake: Had he sett me to Grammer schoole, as I set my self to dauncing schoole, in stead of treading Carontoes, and making Fidlers fat with rumps of Capons, I had by this time read Homilyes, and fedde vpon Tithe-pigges of my owne vicaridge, whereas now, I am ready to get in∣to the Prodigals seruice, and eate Iones nuts, that's to say, Acorns with swine: But men that are wisest for officers, are commonly arrand woodcoks, for

fathers: Hee that prouides liuing for his child, and robs him of learning, turnes him into a Beetle, that flyes from perfumes and sweet Odours, to feede on a cow-sheard; all such rich mens darlings are eyther christened by some left-handed Priest, or else borne vnder a threepenny Planet, and then thei'le neuer be worth a groat, though they were left Landlords of the Indies. I confesse, when all my golden veynes were shrunke vp, and the bottome of my Patrimony came within 200. pound of vnraueling, I could for al that haue bene dub'd: But whē I saw how mine vn∣cle playd at chesse, I had no stomack to be Knighted. Why, sayes the Post? Mary quoth he, because when I prepar'd to fight a battayle on the Chesse-board, a Knight was alwayes better then a Pawne: But the Vsurer myne Vnckle made it playne, that a good pawne now was better then a Knight.

At this the whole Chorus summos mouere Cachinnos, laught til they grind agen, and cal'd for a fresh gallon, all of them falling on their knees, and drawing out sil∣uer and guilt rapyers (the onely monuments that were left of hundreds and thousands in Pecuniis nu∣meratis, swore they would drinke vp these in deepe Healthes, to their howling fathers, so they might be sure the pledging should choake them, because they brought them into the Inne of the World, but left them not enough to pay their ryotous reckonings, at their going out.

The knight was glad he should carry such welcome newes with him, as these, to the clouen-footed Syna∣gogue,

and tickled with immoderate ioy, to see the world run vpon such rotten wheeles. Wherevpon, pleading the necessity of his departure, he began first to run ouer his Alphabet of Congees, & then with a French Basilez, slipt out of their company.

But they knowing to what cape he was bound, hung vpon him, like so many beggers on an Almo∣ner, importing, and coniuring him, by the loue he did owe to Knight-hood, and armes, and by his oath, to take vp downe-cast Ladies whom they had there in their companies, and whom they were bound in Nature and humanity, to relieue: that hee would signifie to their fathers, how course the thred of life fell out to be now towards the Fagge end: that therefore, if any of them had (inth' dayes of his abo∣mination, and idolatry to money) bound the spirit of gold, by any charmes, in Caues or in iron fetters vnder the ground, they should for their own soules quiet (which questionlesse else would whyne vp and downe) if not for the good of their children, release it, to set vp their decay'd estates. Or if there had beene no such coniuring in their life times, that they would take vp mony of the Diuel, (though they forfeyted their bonds) & lay by it for euer, or els get leaue with a Kee∣per, to try how much they might be trusted for a∣mong their olde customers vpon earth, though within two dayes after, they proued Banke-rupts by Proclamation. The Post-master of Hell plaine∣ly told them, that if any so Seditious a fellow as gold, were cast into Prison: their fathers would neuer giue their consent to haue him ransom'd:

because ther's more greedines among them below, then can be in the Hye-land coūtryes aboue: so that if all the Lordships in Europ were offerd in Morgage for a quarter their value, not so much as 13. pence halfe peny can be had from thence, though a man would hang himselfe for it: And as for their fathers walking abroad with keepers, alas, they lie there vp∣on such heauy Executions, that they cannot get out for their soules. He counsels them therefore to draw arrowes out of another quiuer, for that these markes stand out of their reach, the ground of which coun∣sell, they all vow to trauerse: Some of them resol∣uing to cast out liquorish baites, to catch old, (but fleshly) wealthy widdowes, the fire of which sophisti∣cated loue, they make account shal not go out, so lōg as any drops of gold can be distil'd frō them: Others sweare to liue and dye in a man of Warre, though such kind of Theeuerie bee more stale then Sea-beefe: the rest, that haue not the hearts to shed bloud, hauing reasonable stocks of wit, meane to imploy em in the sinnes of the Suburbes, though the Pox lyes there as deaths Legyer: For since man is the clocke of time, they'le all be tymes Sextens, and set the Diall to what howres they list.

Our Vant'currer applauded the lots which they drew for themselues, and offred to pay some of the Tauerne Items: but they protesting hee should not spend a Baw-bee, as hee was true knight con∣sedere Duces, they sate downe to their Wine, and he hasted to the water.

By this time is hee landed at Graues-end, (for they whom the Deuil driues, feele no lead at their heeles) what stuffe came along with him in the Bargc, was so base in the weauing, that 'tis too bad to bee set out for sale: It was onely Luggadge, there∣fore throw it ouer boord. From thence hoysting vp sayle into the Maine, hee struck in among the Dunkerks, where he encountred such a number of all Nations with the dregs of all Kingdomes vices dropping vpon them, and so like the Black Gentle∣man, his Master, that hee had almost thought him∣selfe at home, so neere doe those that lye in Gar∣rison there, resemble the Desperuatoes that fill vp Plutoes Muster-Booke: But his head beating on a thousand Anuiles, the scolding of the Cannon drew him speedily from thence: So that creeping vp along by the ranke Flemmish shores (like an Euesdrop∣per) to whisper out what the brabbling was, hee only set downe a note for his memory, that the States sucking Poyson out of the sweet flower of Peace, but keeping their coffers sound and health∣full by the bitter pils of Warre, made their coun∣trey a pointing stock to other Nations, and a mise∣rable Anatomie to themselues.

The next place hee cal'd in at, was France, where the Gentlemen, to make Apes of English∣men, whom they tooke dayly practising all the foolish tricks of fashions after their Monsieur-ships, with yards in stead of leading Staues, mustred all the French Taylors together, who, by reason they

had thin haire, wore thimbles on their heads in stead of Harnesse caps, euery man being armed with his sheeres and pressing Iron, which he calls there his goose (many of thē being in France:) Al the crosse caperers being plac'd in strong rankes, and an excel∣lent oration cut out and sticht together, perswading them to sweat out their very braines, in deuising new french cuts, new french collors, new french cod∣peeces, and new french panes in honour of Saint Dennys, onely to make the giddy-pated Englishman consume his reuenues in wearing the like cloathes, which on his back at the least can shew but like cast sutes being the second edition, whilst the poore Frēch peasant iets vp and downe, (like a Pantaloun) in the olde thread-bare cloake of the Englishman, so that wee buy fashions of them to fether our pride, and they borrow rags from vs to couer their beggery. The Spaniard was so busy in touching heauen with a launce, that our Knight of the burning shield, could not get him at so much leysure, as to eat a dish of Pilchers with him. The gulfe of Venice he purposes shal therefore swallow a few howres of his obseruati∣on, where hee no sooner sets footing on shore, but he encoūters with Lust, so ciuilly suted, as if it had bin a Marchants wife: Whoremongers there, may vtter their cōmodities as lawfully, as Costermongers here, they are a company as free, and haue as large priui∣ledges for what they doe, as any of the twelue Com∣panyes in London. In other countreys Lechery is but a Chamber-mayd: Here, a great Lady: Shee's a

retaylor and has warrant to sel soules, and other smal wares, vnder the Seale of the Cittie: Sinne heere keepes open market: Damnation has a price set vpon it, and dares goe to Lawe for her owne: For a Curtizans action of the Case, will hold aswell as a Vsurers plea of debt, for ten 'ith hundred. If Bride∣well stood in Venice, a golden key (more easily then an yron picklocke) would open all the doores of it: For Lechery heere lyes night and day with one of prides daughters (Liberty,) and so sarre is the in∣fection of this Pestilence spred, that euery boy there has much harlot in his eyes: Religion goes all in changeable silkes, and weares as many maskes as she do's colours: Churches stand like Rocks, to which very few approach, for feare of suffring ship-wrack.

The seuen deadly sinnes, are there in as great au∣thority, as the seuen Electors in Germany, and women in greater then both: In so much as drun∣kennes, which was once the Dutchmans head-ake, is now become the Englishmans: so ielozy, that at first was whipt out of Hell, because shee tormented euen Diuels, lies now euery howre in the Venecians bosome: Euery noble man growes there like a Beech tree, for a number of beasts couch vnder his shade: e∣uery gentleman aspires rather to bee counted great then good, weighing out good words by pounds, and good deeds by drams: their promises are Eeues, their performances hollidayes, for they worke hard vpon the one, and are idle on the other: Three things there are dog-cheap, learning, poore mens sweat,

and othes: farmers in that country are petty Tyrants, and Landlords, Tyrāts ouer those farmers, Epicures grow as fat there, as in England, for you shall haue a slaue eat more at a meale, then ten of the Guard, and drink more in two dayes, then all Maningtree do's at a Whitsun ale. Our Rankrider of the Stygiā bordērs, seeing how wel these Pupils profited vnder their Ita∣lian Schole-master, and that all countreys liu'd o∣bedient to the Luciferan lawes, resolu'd to change Post-hors no more, but to conclude his Perigrinatiō, hauing seene fashions, and gotten table-talke enough by his trauell. In a fewe minutes therefore is he come to the banck-side of Acheron, where you are not bay∣ted by whole kennels of yelping watermen, as you are at Westminster-bridge, and ready to be torne in peeces to haue two pence rowed out of your purse: no, Ship wrights there could hardly liue, there's but one boat, & in that one, Charon is the onely Ferri-mā, so that if a Cales Knight should bawle his hart out, he cānot get a paire of oares there, to do him grace with (I plyed your worship first) but must be glad to goe with a Sculler: By which meanes, though the fare be smal (for the watermans wages was at first but a half penny, then it came to a peny, 'tis now mended, and is growne to three halfe pence, for all things wax deare in Hell, as well as vpon earth, by reason 'tis so populous) yet the gaines of it are greater in a quarter, then ten Westerne Barges get in a yeere: Dotchet Ferry comes nothing neere it.

It is for al the world, like Graues-end Barge: and the

passengers priuiledged alike, for ther's no regard of age, of sex, of beauty, of riches, of valor, of learning, of greatnes, or of birth: He that comes in first, sits no better then the lost.

Will Summers giues not Richard the Third the cu∣shions, the Duke of Guize and the Duke of Shore-ditch haue not the bredth of a bench between them, Iane Shore and a Goldsmiths wife are no better one then another.

Kings & Clownes, Souldiers & Cowards, Church∣men and Sextons, Aldermen, and Coblers, are all one to Charon: For his Naulum, Lucke (the old Recor∣ders foole) shall haue as much mat, as Sir Lancelot of the Lake: He knows, though they had an oare in euery mans Boat in the World, yet in his they cannot challenge so much as a Stretcher: And ther∣fore (though hee sayles continually with wind and Tide,) he makes the prowdest of them all, to stay his leasure. It was a Comedy, to see what a crowding (as if it beene at a new Play) there was vpon the Ache∣rontique Strond, so that the Post was fayne to tarry his turne, because hee could not get neere enough the shore: He purpos'd therefore patiently to walke vp and downe, till the Coast was cleere, and to note the cödition of all the passengers. Amongst whom there were Courtyers, that brought with em whole trunks of apparell, which they had bought, and large pat∣tents for Monopolyes, which they had beg'd: Law∣yers loaden with Leases, and with purchased Lordships, Cleargy men, so pursy and so wind∣lesse

with bearing three or foure Church liuings, that they could scarce speake: M••rchants laden with baggs of gold, for which they had robd their prin∣ces custome: Schollers with Aristotle and Ramus in cloake-bags, (as if they ment to pull downe the Di∣uell) in disputation, being the subtillest Logician, but full of Sophistry: Captayns, some in guilt armor (vnbattred,) some in buffe Ierkins, plated o're with massy siluer lace, (rayzd out of the ashes of dead pay,) and banckrupt citizens, in swarmes like porters sweating basely vnder the burdens of that, for which other men had sweat honestly before. All which (like Burgers in a Netherland towne taken by freebooters) were compelled to throw downe bag and baggage, before they could haue pasport to bee shipt into the Flemmish Hoy of Hell: For if euery man should bee sufferd to carry with him out of the world that which hee tooke most delight in, it were inough to drowne him, and to cast away the vessell hee goes in: Charon therefore strips them of all, and leaues them more bare then Irish beggers: And glad they were (for all their howling to see themselues so fleec'd) that for their siluer they could haue wastage ouer. In therefore they thrung, some wading vp to the knees, and those were youngmen: they were loth to make too much hast, swearing they came thither before their time:

Some, vp to the middles, and those were women, they seeing young men goe before them, were a∣sham'd not to vēture farder than they: Others waded

vp to the chin, & the old men, they seeing their gold taken from them, were desperate, and would haue drown'd themselues: but that Charon slipping his Oare vnder their bellies, tost them out of the water, into his Wherry. The boat is made of nothing but the wormeaten ribs of coffins, nayl'd together, with the splinters of fleshlesse shin-bones, dig'd out of graues, beeing broken in pieces. The sculls that hee rowes with, are made of Sextons spades, which had bene hung vp at the end of some great Plague, the bench he sits vpon, a ranke of dead mens sculls. The worst of them hauing bene an Emperor, as great as Charlemaine: And a huge heap of their beards ser∣uing for his cushion: the Mast of the boat is an arme of an Yew tree, whose boughs (in stead of Rosema∣ry) had wont to be worn at buryals: The sayle, two patcht winding sheets, wherein a Broker and an Vsurer had bin laid for their linnen, will last longest, because it comes cōmōly out of Lauender & is seldom worn.

The waterman himselfe is an old grisly-fac'd fel∣low: a beard filthyer then a Bakers mawkin that hee sweeps his ouen, which hung full of knotted Elf-locks, and serues him for a Swabber in sowle weather to clense his Hulke: A payre of eyes staring so wide (by beeing bleard with the wind) as if the liddes were lifted vp with gags to keepe them open: More salt Rewmatick water runnes out of them, than would pickle all the Herrings that shall come out of Yarmouth: A payre of hands so hard and scal'd ouer with durt, that passengers thinke hee

weares gantlets, and more stinkingly musty are they than the fists of night-men, or the fingers of bri∣bery, which are neuer cleane: His breath bel∣ches out nothing but rotten damps, which lye so thick and foggie, on the face of the Waters, that his Fare is halfe choakt, ere they can get to land: The Sea-cole furnaces of ten Brew-howses, make not such a smoke, nor the Tallow pans of fifteene Chaundlers (when they melt,) send out such a smell: Hee's dreadfull in looks, and currish in language, yet as kind as a courtyer where he takes. Hee sits in all stormes bare-headed, for if he had a cap, he would not put it of to a Pope: A gowne girt to him (made all of Wolues skins) tanned (figuring his greedynes) but worne out so long, that it has almost worn away his elbows: Hee's thick of hearing to them that sue to him, but to those against whose wils hee's sent for, a Fiddler heares not the creeking of a window soo∣ner.

As touching the Riuer, looke how Moore-ditch shews, when the water is three quarters dreyn'd out, and by reason the Stomake of it is ouer-laden, is rea∣dy to fal to casting so does that, it stinks almost worse, is almost as poysonous, altogether so muddy, altoge∣ther so black: In tast very bitter, yet to those that know how to distill these deadly waters,) very wholsome.

Charon, hauing discharged his fraight, the Packet∣caryer (that all this while wayted on the other side,) cride A boate, a boat: His voyce was knowne by the tune, and (weary though he were) ouer to him

comes our Fery-man. To whō (so soon as euer he was set) Charon complaines what a bawling there has bin, with what Fares he has bene posted, and how much tugging (his boat being so thwackt) he has split one of his Oares, and broken his Bid-hooke, so that hee can row but lazily, till it bee mended. And were it not that the soule payes excessiue Rent for dwelling in the body, he sweares (by the Stygian Lake,) he would not let em passe thus for a trifle, but raize his price: why may not he do it as wel as Punks and tradesmen? Herevpon he brags what a nomber of gallant felows and goodly wenches went lately ouer with him, whose names he has in his book and could giuehim, but that they earnestly entreated not to haue their names spred any farder (for their heires sakes) because most of them were too great in some mens books already. The onely wonder (sayes Charon) that these passengers driue me into, is, to see how strangely the world is altred since Pluto and Proserpine were mari∣ed: For whereas in the olde time, men had wont to come into his boate all slasht, (some with one arme, some with neuer a leg, and others with heads like calues cleft to their shoulders, and the mouths of their very wounds gaping so wide, as if they were crying A boat, a boat,) now contrariwise, his fares are none, but those that are poysoned by their wiues for lust, or by their heires for liuing, or burnt by whores, or reeling into hell out of tauerns: or if they happen to come bleeding, their greatest glory is a stab, vpon the giuing of a lye.

So that if the three Destinies spin no finer threads thēn these, men must eyther, (like Aesculapius) be made immortall for meere pitty sake, and be sent vp to Iupiter, or else the Land of Blackamoores must be made bigger: for the great Lord of Tartary will shortly haue no roome for all his retayners, which would be a great dishonour to him, considering hee's now the onely housekeeper.

By this tyme, Charon looking before him (as Watermen vse to doe) that's to say, behind him, spi∣ed he was hard at shoare: wherevpon seeing he had such dooings (that if it held still) hee must needs take a seruant (and so make a payre of oares for Plu∣to) hee offered great wages to the Knight Passant, to bee his iourneyman: but he beeing only for the Diuels land seruice, told him hee could not giue o∣uer his seruice, but assuring him, he would enforme his Mr. (the King of Erebus) of al that was spoken, he payd the boat hyre fitting his Knighthood, leapt ashore and so parted.

The wayes are so playne, & our trauayler on foot so familyar with them, that hee came sooner to the court gates of Auernus, then his fellow (the Wherry-man) could fasten his hooke on the other side of A∣cheron: The porter (though he knew him wel inough and fawnd vpon him,) would not let him passe, till he had his due: for euery officer there is as greedy of his Fees, as they are heere. You mistake, if you imagine that Plutoes porter is like one of those big fellows that stand like Cyants at Lords gates) hauing bellies bum∣basted

with ale in Lambs-wool, and with Sacks: and cheeks strutting out (like two footebals) being blow∣en vp with powder beefe & brewis: yet hee's as sur∣ly as those Key-turners are, but lookes as little more scuruily: No, no, this doorekeeper wayts not to take money of those that passe in, to behold the Infernall Tragedyes, neyther has hee a lodge to dyne & sup in, but only a kennell, and executes his bawling office meerely for victuals: his name is Cerberus, but the howsehold call him more properly, The Black dog of Hell: Hee has three heads, but no hayre vpon them, (the place is too hot to keep hayre on) for in stead of hayr they are al curl'd ouerwith snakes, which reach frō the crowns of his 3. heads alongst the ridge of his back to his very taile, & thats wreathed like a dragōs: twenty couple of hounds make not such a damnable noyse, when they howle, as he does whē he barks: his property is to wag his tayle, when any comes for en∣trance to the gate, & to lick their hands, but vpon the least offer to scape out, he leaps at their throats; sure hee's a mad dog, for wheresoeuer he bites, it rankles to the death. His eyes are euer watching, his eares e∣uer listning, his pawes euer catching, his mouths are gaping: Insomuch, that day & night, he lyes howling to bee sent to Paris Garden, rather then to bee vs'de, so like a curre as he is.

The Post, to stop his throat, threw him a Sop, and whyl'st hee was deuouring of that, he passed through the gates. No sooner was he entred, but hee met with thousands of miserable soules,

pyneond and dragd in chaines to the Barre, where they were to receiue their triall, with bitter lamen∣tations bewayling (al the way as they went) and with lowd execratiōs cursing the bodyes with whom they somtimes frollickly kept company, for leading them to those impietyes, for which they must now (euen to their vtter vndoing) deerely answere: it was quar∣ter Sessions in Hell, and though the Post-master had bin at many of their Arraignments, & knew the hor∣ror of the Executions, yet the very sight of the priso∣ners struck him now into an astonishable amazement.

On not withstanding hee goes, with intent to deli∣uer the Supplication, but so busy was the Behomoth (the prince of the Deuils) and such a presse was within the Court, and about the Barre, that by no thrusting or shouldring, could hee get accesse; the best time for him must be, to watch his rising, at the adiourning of the Sessions, and therefore he skrews himselfe by all the insynuating Arte he can, into the thickest of the crow'd, & within reach of the clarke of the Peaces voyce, to heare all their Inditements.

The Iudges are set, (beeing three in number) se∣uere in looke, sharp in Iustice, shrill in voyce, vn∣subiect passion: the prisoners are soules, that haue cō∣mitted Treason against their Creation: they are cald to the Barre, their number infinit, their crimes num∣berlesse: The Iury that must passe vpon them, are their sins, who are impanel'd out of the seueral coun∣tryes, and are sworne to finde whose Conscience is the witnes, who vpon the booke of their liues,

where all their deeds are written, giues in dangerous euidence against them, the Furies (who stand at the elbowe of their Conscience) are there readie with stripes to make them confesse, for either they are the Beadels of Hell that whip soules in Lucifers Bride∣well, or else his Executioners to put them to worse Torments: The Inditements are of seueral qualities, according to the seuerall offences; Some are arraig∣ned for ambition in the Court; Some for corruptiō in the Church; Some for crueltie in the camp; Some for hollow-hartednes in the Citie; Some for eating men aliue in the Country, euery particular soule has a particular sinne, at his heeles to condemne him, so that to pleade not guiltie, were folly: to begge for mercy, madnesse: for if any should do the one, he can put himselfe vpon none but the diuel & his an∣gels: and they (to make quicke worke) giue him his pasport. If do the other, the hands of ten Kings vn∣der their great Seales wil not be taken for his pardō. For though Conscience comes to this Court, poore in attire, diseased in his flesh, wretched in his face, heauy in his gate, and hoarse in his voice, yet carries he such stings within him, to torture himselfe, if hee speak not truth, that euery word is a Iudges sentēce, and when he has spoken, the accused is suffred ney∣ther to pleade for him selfe, nor to fee any Lawier, to argue for him.

In what a lamentable condition therefore stands the vnhappie prisoner, his Inditement is Implead∣able, his euidence irrefutable, the fact impardonable,

the Iudge impenitrable, the Iudgment formidable: the tortures insufferable, the manner of them invt∣terable: he must endure a death without dying, tor∣ments ending with worse beginnings, by his shrikes others shall be affrighted, himself afflicted, by thou∣sands pointed at, by not one amongst millions pitti∣ed, hee shall see no good that may helpe him, what he most does loue, shalbe taken from him, and what he most doth loathe, shalbe powred into his bosom. Adde herevnto the saide cogitation of that dismall place, to which he is condemned, the remembrance of which, is almost as dolorous, as the punishments there to be endured. In what colours shall I laie downe the true shape of it? Assist me Inuention.

Suppose that being gloriously attired, delicious∣ly feasted, attended on maiestically, Musicke char∣ming thine eare, beauty thine eye; & that in the very height of all worldly pompe that thought can aspire to, thou shouldest be tombled downe, from some high goodly pinnacle, (builded for thy pleasure) into the bottome of a Lake, whose depth is immea∣surable, and circuit incomprehensible: And that be∣ing there, thou shouldest in a moment be ringed a∣bout, with all the murtherers that euer haue beene since the first foundation of the world, with all the Atheists, all the Church-robbers, all the Incestuous Rauishers, and all the polluted villaines, that euer suckt damnation from the brests of black Impietie, that the place it selfe is gloomie, hideous, and in ac∣cessible, pestilent by damps, and rotten vapors, haun∣ted

with spirits, and pitcht all ouer, with cloudes of darknesse, so clammy and palpable, that the eye of the Moone is too dull to pierce through them, and the fires of the Sun too weake to dissolue them, then that a Sulphurous stench must stil strike vp into thy nosthrils, Adders & Toades be still crawling on thy bosome, Mandrakes and night Rauens still shriking in thine eare, Snakes euer sucking at thy breath, and which way soeuer thou turnest, a fire flashing in thine eyes, yet yeelding no more light than what with a glimse may shewe others how thou art tor∣mēted, or else shew vnto thee the tortures of others, and yet the flames to bee so deuouring in the bur∣ning, that should they but glow vpon mountaines, of Iron, they were able to melt them like mountains of snow. And last of all, that all these horrors are not wouen together, to last for yeeres, but for ages of worlds, yea for worlds of ages; Into what gulf of de∣sperate calamitie, wold not the poorest begger now throw himself headlong, rather then to tast the least dram of this bitternes, If imagination can giue be∣ing to a more miserable place than this described? Such a one, or worse than such a one, is that, into which the guiltie soules are led captiue, after they haue their condemnation. And what tongue is able to relate the grones and vlulations of a wretch so di∣stressed, a hundred pennes of steele wold be worne blunt in the description, and yet leaue it vnfinished.

Let vs therfore sithence the Infernal Sessiōs are re∣iourned, & the court breaking vp, seek out his knight¦ship

who hauing waited all this while for the Diuel, hath by this time deliuered to his pawes, the Supplicati∣on for poore Pierce Pennyles, and so, Masuolio his Se∣cretarie is reading it to him, but before he was vp to the middle of it, the worke master of Witches, snat∣ched away the paper, and thrust it into his bosome in great choller, railing at his Letter carrier, & threat∣ning to haue him lasht by the Furies, for his loytring so long, or Cauterizde with hotte Irons for a Fugi∣tiue. But Mephostophiles discoursing from point, to point, what paines he had taken in the Suruey of e∣uery Country, and how he had spent his time there, Serieant Sathan gaue him his blessing, and told him that during his absence) both Pierce Pennyles and the Poet that writ for him, haue bene landed by Charon, of whom he willed to enquire within what part of their dominion, they haue taken vp their lodging, his purpose is, to answere euery word, by word of mouth, yet because he knowes, that at the returne of his post ship, and walking vpon the exchange of the world, (which hee charges him to hasten for the good of the Stygian kingdom that altogether stands vpon quicke traffique) they will flutter about him, crying, What newes, what newes? what squibs, or rather what peeces of ordinance doth the M. Gun∣ner of Gehenna discharge against so sawcie a suitor, that by the Artillerie of his Secretaries penne, hath shaken the walls of his kingdome, and made so wide a breach, that any Syr Giles may looke into his, and his Officers doings: to stoppe their mouthes with

some thing, stoppe them with this: That touching the enlargement of Gold, (which is the first branch of the Petition) So it is that Plutus his kinsman (be∣ing the onely setter vp of tempting Idols) was borne a Cripple, but had his eye-sight as faire as the day, for hee could see the faces and fashions of all men in the world, in a twinkling. At which time, for all he went vpon Crutches, he made shift to walke abroad with many of his friends, Marrie they were none but good men. A Poet, or a Philosopher, might then haue sooner had his company, than a Iustice of Peace: Vertue at that time, went in good cloathes, and vice fed vpon beggerie. Almes baskets, hone∣stie and plaine dealing, had all the Trades in their owne hands, So that Vnthrifts, Cheaters, and the rest of their Faction, (though it were the greater) were borne downe, for not an Angell durst be seene to drinke in a Tauerne with them: whereupon they were all in danger to be famisht. Which enormitie, Iupiter wisely looking into, and seeing Plutus disper∣sing his gifts amongst none but his honest brethren, strucke him (either in anger or enuie) starke blinde, so that euer since he hath plaide the good fellow, for now euery gull may leade him vp and downe like Guy, to make sports in any drunken assembly, now hee regards not who thrusts his hands into his poc∣kets, nor what money they take out, nor how it is spent, a foole shall haue his heart now, assoone as a Phisition: And an Asse that cannot spell, goe la∣den away with double Duckets from his Indian

Store-house, when Ibis Homere, that hath laine sick seuenteen yeers together of the Vniuer-sitie plague, (watching and want) onely in hope at the last to finde some cure, shall not for an hundred waight of good Lattine, receiue a two-penny waight in Siluer, his ignorance (arising from his blindnesse) is the on∣ly cause of this Comedie of errors: so that vntil some Quack-saluer or other (either by the helpe of Tower hill water, or any other, either Phisical or Chirurgi∣call meanes) can pick out that pin and a web, which is stuck into both his eyes (and that will very hard∣ly be) It is irreuocably set downe, in the Adaman∣tine booke of Fate, that gold shall be a perpetuall slaue to slaues, a drudge to fooles, a foole to make Woodcocks merry, whilst wisemen mourne: or if at any time he chance to breake prison, and flie for re∣fuge into the chamber of a Courtier, to a meere hawking countrie Gentleman, to an Aldermans heire, to a yong student at the lawe, or to any trades∣mans eldest sonne, that rides forth to cast vp his fa∣thers reckonings in fortified Tauerns, Such mighty search shall be made for him, such Hue and Cry af∣ter him, and such misrule kept, vntil he be smeltout, that poore golde must bee glad to get out of their companie, Castles cannot protect him, but he must be apprehended, and suffer for it. Now as touching the seauen leaued tree, of the deadly sinnes, (which Peirce-Pennilesse would haue hewen downe,) his re∣quest is vnreasonable, for that growes so rancke in euery mans garden, and the flowers of it worne so

much in euery womans bosome, that till the last ge∣neral Autumnian quarter of the dreadful yeare, whē whole kingdoms (like seare and saplesse leaues) must be shaken in peeces by the consuming breath of fire, and all the fruits of the earth be raked together, by the spirit of Stormes, and burnt in one heape like stubble, till then, it is impossible to cleere the oaken forehead of it, or to loppe off any of the branches. And let this satisfie itching Newes-hunters, for so much of mine answere to the poore fellows Suppli∣cation, as I meane to haue publisht to the world: what more I haue to vtter, shall be in his eare, because he was more busie in his prating then a Barber, with thee my seruant, about my houshold affaires, & ther∣fore it is to be doubted he lurkes within our Cime∣rian Prouinces, but as an Intelligencer, which if it be proued, he shal buy it with his soule; dispatch there∣fore (my faithfull Incarnate Diuel) proclaime these things to the next Region aboue vs.

Go & deliuer my most-most hartie cōdemnations to all those that steale subiects hearts from their So∣ueraignes, say to althose, they shal haue my letters of Mart for their Piracie: factious Gnyziards, that lay traines of seditiō to blow vp the cōmō-wealth, I hug thē as my children, to all those churchmen that bind thēselues together in schismes, like būdles of thorns, onely to pricke the sides of Religion, till her heart bleede: I will giue them newe orders; To all those that strip Orphanes out of their portions, they shall bee mine Ingles: To all those that vntile their

Neighbours houses, that whilst stormes are beating thē out, they themselues may enter in, bestow vpon such officers of mine, a thousand condemnations from their maister, tho they be sitting at King Ar∣thurs round Table: When thou doest thy message, they shal haue Tenements of me for nothing in hel. In briefe, tell all the Brokers in Long-Lane, Houns-ditch, or else wher, which all the rest of their Colleagned Suburbians, that deale vpon ouerworne commodi∣ties, and whose soules are to vs impawned, that they lye safe enough, and that no cheater shal hook them out of our hands, bid them sweat and sweare in their vocation (as they do hourely) if thou being a knight of the Post, canst not helpe them to oathes, that may make thē get the diuel & al, they haue a sound Card on their sides, for I my selfe will Abi in malam, goe and mind thy businesse.

His warrant being thus signde, the messenger de∣parts, but before he could get to the vttermost ferrie, he met with an old, leane, meagre fellow, whose eies was sunke so deepe into his head, as if they had bene set in backward, his haire was thinner than his cheekes, and his cheekes so much worne awav, that when he spake his tongue smoakt, & that was burnt blacke, with his hot and valiant breath, was seene to moue too and fro so plainly, that a wise man might haue taken it for the Snuffe of a candle in a Muscouie Lanthorne, the Barbar Surgiōs had begde the body of a man at a Sessions to make an Anatomie, and that Anatomie this wretched creature begged of

them to make him a body, Charon had but newly landed him: yet it seemde he stood in pittifull feare, for his eyes were no bigger then pinnes heads, with blubbring and howling, and keeping a coile to haue some body shew him the nearest way to hell, which he doubted hee had lost, the other puts him into a path, that would directly bring him thither, but be∣fore he bid him farewell, our blacke knight inquired of him what he was: who answered, that he was som∣times one that liued vpon the Lecherie of mettalls, for he could make one hundred pound be great with child, and be deliuered with another in a very short time, his mony (like pigions) laide euery month, he had bene in vpright tearmes, an Vsurer: And vnder∣standing that he fell into the hands of the hell post, he offered him after a pennie a mile, betweene that and the townes end he was going too, so he would be his guide.

Which mony, when the watermen came to rifle him, he swallowed down, and rakte for it after∣wards, because he knewe not what neede he should haue, the waies being damnable: But the goer of the diuels errands, told him, if he would allow him Pur∣siuāts fees, he durst not earne them, he would do him any Knights seruice, but to play the good Angels part, & guide him, he must pardon him. Doctor Di∣ues requests him (in a whining accent) to tell him if ther were any rich men in hel, & if by any base drud∣gery which the diuel shal put him too, & which heel willingly moile in, he should scrape any muck toge∣ther,

whether he may set vp his trade in hell, & whe∣ther there be any Brokers there, that with picking strawes out of poore thatcht houses to build neastes where his twelue pences should ingender, might get feathers to his backe, and their owne too. To all which questions, the vaut curier answers briefly, that hee shall meet a number there, who once went in black veluet coats, and welted gownes, but of Bro∣kers, theres a longer lane of them in hell, than there is in London. Marry for opening shop, & to keepe a Bawdy house for Lady Pecunia, Hoc si fata negant, If the Bailiffe of Barathrū deny that priuiledge to those that haue serued twice seuen yeeres in the Freedom, theres no reason a Forrainer should taste the fauour.

This newes tho it went coldly down, yet as those that are troubled with the tooth-ache, enquire of o∣thers what the paine is, that haue had them drawne out, and think by that means they lessen their owne; So it is some ease to Sir Timothy, thirtie per centum, to harken out the worst that others haue endured, hee desires therfore to know how far it is from the earth to hell; and being told that hell is iust so many miles frō earth, as earth is frō heauē, he stands in a browne study, wondring (sithence the length of the iournies were both alike to him, how it should happē, that he tooke rather the one path then the other. But then cursing himself that euer he fell in loue with mony, and that (which is contrary to nature) he euer made a crackt French Crowne, beget an English Angell, he roarde out, & swore, that his gold sure wold damb him. For saies he, my greedinesse to feede mine eye

with that, made me starue my belly, and vndo those for sixe pence, that were readie to starue. And into such an Apoplexy of soule, fell I into with the lust of mony, that I had no sense of any other happinesse: So that whilst in my Closet I sat numbring my bags, the last houre of my life was told out, before I could tell the first heap of gold. Birdlime is the sweat of the Oake tree, the dung of the Blackbird falling on that tree, turnes into that slimie snare, and in that snare, is the Bird her selfe taken. So fares it mee, mony is but the excrement of the earth, in which couetous wretches (like swine) rooting continually, eate tho∣row the earth so long, till at length they eate them∣selues into hell. I see therefore, that as Harts, be∣ing the most cowardly and hartlesse creatures, haue also the largest hornes, So we that are drudges to heapes of drosse, haue base and leane consciences, but the largest damnation. There appeared to Timo∣theus, an Athenian, Demorij vmbra, and that gaue him a net to catch Cities in, yet for all that he died a begger. Sure it was Vmbra daemonis that taught me the rule of Interest: for in getting that, I haue lost the principall, (my soule). But I pray you tell mee, Sayes my Setter vp of Scriueners, Must I be stript thus out of all? Shall my Fox furde gownes be lockt vp from me? Must I not haue so much as a shirt vpon me? Heers worse pilling & polling thē amongst my countrymen the Vsurers, not a rag of linnen about me, to hide my nakednesse.

No, sayes the Light Horse-man of Lymbo,

no linnen is worne here, because none can be wo∣uen strong enough to hold, neither doe any such good huswiues come hither as to make cloath; one∣ly the Destinies are allowed to spin, but their yarne serues to make smocks for Proserpina. You are now as you must euer be, you shall neede no cloathes, the Aire is so extreame hot; besides, there be no Tailors suffred to liue here, because (they as well as Plaiers) haue a hell of their owne,) (vnder their shopboard) and there lye their tottered soules, patcht out with nothing but ragges.

This Careere being ended, our Lansquenight of Lowe-Germanie, was readie to put spurres to his horse, and take leaue, because hee sawe what disease hung vpon him, and that his companion was hard at his heeles, and was loth to proceed in his Iourney.

But he, Qui nummos admiratur, the pawn groper, clingde about his knees like a Horsleech, and con∣iurde him, as euer he pittied a wretch eaten to the bare bones, by the sacred hunger of gold, that he would either bestow vpon him, a short Table (such a one as is tide to the taile of most Almanacks) chal∣king out the hye-waies, be they neuer so durtie, and measuring the length of al the miles between town, and towne, to the breadth of a haire, or if this Geo∣graphicall request tooke vp too much conceald land to haue it granted, that yet (at last) hee would tell him, whether he were to passe ouer any more riuers, and what the name of this filthy puddle was, ouer which hee was lately brought by a dogged water∣man,

because sithence he must runne into the diuels mouth, hee would runne the neerest way, least hee wearied himselfe.

Of this last request, the Lacquy of this great Leui∣athan, promisde he should be maister, but he would not bring him to a miles end by land, (they were too many to meddle with). You shall vnderstand there∣fore (saies our wild Irish footeman) that this first wa∣ter (which is now cast behind you) is Acheron, It is the water of trouble, & works like a Sea in a tempest (for indeede this first is the worst) It hath a thousand creekes, a thousand windings, and turnings, It ve∣hemently boyles at the bottome (like a Caldron of molten leade,) when on the top it is smoother then a still streame: And vpon great reason is it calde the Riuer of molestation, for when the soule of man is vpon the point of departing from the Shores of life, and to be shipt away into another world, she is vext with a conscience, and an auxious remembrance of all the parts that euer she plaide on the vnruly stage of the world: She repeats not by roate, but by hart, the iniuries done to others, and indignities wrought against her selfe: She turnes ouer a large volume of accounts, and findes that shees runne out in pride, in lustes, in riots, in blasphemies, in irreligion, in wal∣lowing through so many enormous and detestable crimes, that to looke back vpon them, (being so infi∣nite) and vpon her owne face (being so fowle) the very thought makes her desperate: She neuer spake, or delighted to heare spoken, any bawdy language,

but it now rings in her eare, neuer lusted after luxu∣rious meats, but their taste is now vpon her tongue, neuer sed the sight with any licentious obiect, but now they come all into her eye, euerie wicked thought before, is now to her a dagger, euery wic∣ked word a death, euery wicked act a damnation: If she scape falling into this Ocaean, she is miraculously saued from a ship wracke, hee must needs be a chur∣lish but a cunning Waterman, that steeres in a Tem∣pest so dangerous: This first Riuer is a bitter water in taste, and vnsauoury in sent, but whosoeuer drinks downe but halfe a draught of his remembred for∣mer follies, Oh it cannot chuse but be Amarulentum poculum, Gall is hony to it, Acheron like is a thick wa∣ter, and how can it otherwise choose, being stirred with so many thousands fighting perturbations.

Hauing passed ouer this first Riuer (as now you are) you shall presently haue your waie stopt with another, Its a little cut by land thither, but a tedious and dangerous voyage by water.

Lies there a Boate readie (quoth my rich Iew of Malta) to take me in so soone as I call? No, saies the other, you must waite your Marriners leisure, the same wrangling fellow that was your first man, is your last man: Marrie you shall lie at euery Ha∣uens mouth for a winde, till Belzebubs hale you▪ for Acheron, (after many circumgirations) falles in∣to the Stigian Lake (your second Riuer carries that name) It is the water of Loathsomnesse, and runnes with a swifter Current then the former: for when

the soule sees deathes Barge tarrying for her, she be∣gins to be sorrie for her ante-acted euils, and then shees sailing ouer Acheron, but when shee drawes the Curtaine, and lookes narrowly vpon the pic∣tures, which her owne hand drew, and findes them to be vglie, shee abhorres her owne workeman∣ship, and makes haste to hoiste vp more Sayles, and to be transported swiftly ouer the Stigian Tor∣rent, whose waters are so reuerend, that the gods haue no other oath to sweare by.

The third Riuer is Cocitus, somewhat clearer then both the other, and is the water of Repentance, be∣ing an Armie of Stix, Many haue here bene cast away, and frozen to death, when the Riuer hath waxen cold, (as oftentimes it doth) neither are all sorts of soules suffred to saile vpon it, for to some (as if the water had sense and could not brooke an vn∣worthy burden) it swells vp into tempests & drowns them, to others more loue cannot appeare in Dol∣phins to men, then in that does smoothnes.

Besides these, there are Phlegeton and Pyriphlege∣ton, that fall in with Cocytus (burning Riuers) In which (tho they be dreadfull to looke vpon) are no vtter danger: If the Ferryman wast you safely, ouer the waters of Repentance, otherwise these hot ly∣quors will scalde you. But what a Traitor am I to the vndiscouered kingdomes, thus to bring to light their dearest treasury; Sworne am I to the Imperi∣all State Infernall, and what dishonour would it bee to my Knighthood, to be found forsworne?

Seale vp your lips therefore I charge you, and drinke downe a full bowle of Lethoean water, which shall wash out of you the remembrance of any thing I haue spoken: Be proude, thou Grandchild of Mam∣mon, that I haue spent these minutes vpon thee, for neuer shal any breathing mortall man, with tortures wring out of me so much againe. There lyes your way: Farewel. In such a strange language was this vl∣timum vale sent forth, that Mounsieur Mony-monger stood onely staring and yawning vpon him, but could speak no more: yet at the last (coniuring vp his best spirits) he onely in a dumb shewe (with pittifull action, like a Plaier, when hees out of his part) made signes to haue a Letter deliuered by the Carrier of condemnation, to his sonne, (a yong Reueller, prickt down to stand in the Mercers books for next Christ∣mas,) which in a dumbe shewe likewise being recei∣ued, they both turnde backe the Vsurer, looking as hungrily, as if he had kist the post. At the banck end, when Plutoes Pursiuant came to take water, Mercury (that runnes of all the errands betweene the Gods) hauing bene of a message from Ceres, to her daughter Proserpine, (the Queene of lower Affrica) finding Charon ydle in his boate, because (as if it had bene out of Terme time) no Fares was stirring, fell to cast vp old reckonings, betweene himselfe, and the wea∣ther-beaten Sculler, for certaine trifling money laid out about Charons businesse. So that the Knight slipping in like a Constable to parta Fraie, was

requested to be as Arbitrator. The first Item that stoode in his Bill, was,

For nayles to mend your Wherrie, when twoo Dutch men comming druncke from the Rennish wine-house, splitte three of the boordes with their club fists, thinking they had called for a reckoning: iiij. pence.

Those Butter Boxes (sayes Charon) owe me a pe∣ny vpon the foot of that accompt: For I could distill out of them but onely three poore droppes of siluer for the voyage, and all my losse at sea. Whats next?

Item, laid out for Pitch to trim your Boat about the middle of the last plague, because she might goe tight and yare, and do her labour cleanly, xj. pence.

I am ouer-reckoned that odde penny, quoth Cha∣ron, & Ile neuer yeeld to pay it, but vi & armis, thats to say, by law. I disburst it (by my Caducens sayes the Herald:) nay, sayes Charon if thou wilt defile thy conscience with a penny-worth of Pitch, touch it still: on.

Item, for glew and whip-coard to mend your bro∣ken oare, iij. pence.

Thats reasonable; yet I haue caried some in my Wherry that haue had more whip-cord giuen them for nothing: on.

Item laid out for Iuniper to perfume the boat, when certaine French men were to go by water: j. ob.

I, a pox on them, who got by that? on.

Item lent to a companie of country players, being nine in number, one sharer, & the rest Iornymen, that

with strowling were brought to deaths door, xiij. d. ob. vpon their stocke of apparell, to pay for their boat hire, because they would trie if they could be suffred to play in the diuels name, which stocke afterwards came into your hands, & you dealt vpon it: xiij. d. ob.

They had his hand to a warrant (quoth Charon) but their ragges serued to make me Swabbers, because they neuer fetcht it againe, so that belike he proued a good Lord, & master to them, and they made new. Perge mentiri. Tickle the next Minkin.

Item, when a Cobler of Poetrie called a play-pat∣cher, was condemned with his cat to be duckt three times in the Cucking-stole of Pyriphlegeton (being one of the scalding riuers) til they both dropt again, because he scolded against his betters, and those whom he liued vpon, laid out at that time for straw, to haue caried Pusse away if she had kittend, to avoid any catterwalling in Hell. j pennie.

Mew, they were not both worth a pennie: on.

Item, for needle and threed to darne vp aboue two and fiftie holes in your failes, and to a Botcher for halfe a dayes worke about it: vij. pence.

That Botcher I preferd to be Lucifers Tailer, be∣cause he workes with a hot needle and burnt threed, and that seuen pence he gaue me for my good will, why should not I take bribes as well as others, I will clip that money, and melt it. Not for my Bill (sayes the Herald of the gods) for it went out of my purse, the Tayler may pay it backe againe, it is but stealing so much the more, or cutting out 5. quarters to a gar∣ment,

nay, Mercurie, you shall filch for vs both, for all the gods know you are a notable Pick-pocket, as the knight of the Post here can take his oath, but what is your Summa totalis, (quoth Charon,) Summa totalis, answers the other commes to three shillings and a pennie. The Sculler told him, hee was now out of Cash, it was a hard time, he doubts there is some secrete Bridge made ouer to Hell, and that they steale thither in coaches, for euery Iustices wife, and the wife of euerie Citizen must be iolted now.

But howsoeuer the market goes, beare with mee, (quoth Charon) till there come another plague, or til you heare of such another battell as was at Newport, or till the Dunkirks catch a Hoy of Hollenders, and tumble them ouer-boord, or till there be more ciuill warres in France, or if Parris garden would but fall downe againe, I should not onely wipe off this olde score, but hope to make me a new boat. Mercury see∣ing no remedy (tho he knew well inough he was not without mony) tooke his wings, & away went he to Olympus. The Posts iorny lay nothing nere that path, but inquiring whether one Peerce Pennilesse came not ouer in his Ferry: and vnderstanding, because hee could not pay his Fare, he was faine to goe a great way about to Elizium, thither in an Irish gallop is our swearing knight gone.

Scarce was he out of kenne, but on the other side of the Riuer stoode a Companie crying out lustily, A Boat, hey, a Boat, hey, and who should they bee but a gallant troope of English

spirits (all mangled) looking like so manie olde Romans, that for ouercomming death in their manly resolutions, were sent away out of the field, crowned with the military honour of Armes. The formost of them was a personage of so composed a presence, that Nature and Fortune had done him wrong, if they had not made him a souldier. In his countenance, there was a kinde of indignation, figh∣ting with a kinde of exalted ioy, which by his very gesture were apparantly descipherable, for he was jo cond, that his soule went out of him in so glorious a triumph; but disdainfully angry, that she wrought her enlargement through no more daungers: yet were there bleeding witnesses inow on his breast, which testified, he did not yeelde till he was con∣quered, and was not conquered, till there was left nothing of a man in him to be ouercome. For be∣sides those Mortui & Muti testes, which spake most for him, when he himselfe was past speaking, (though their mouths were stopped with scarres) he made shift to lay downe an ouer-plus of life, (when the debt was discharged at one mortall payment be∣fore) onely to shew in what abiect account he held deaths tyranny. Charon glowting vpon him, deman∣ded who he was, but hee skorning to be his owne Chronicle, and not suffering any of the rest to exe∣cute the office, they all leaped into the Ferry. A∣mongst whom, one that sate out of his hearing, but within the reach of the Waterman (to shorten the way) discoursed all, thus:

England (quoth he) gaue him breath, Kent educa∣tion, he was neuer ouer-maistered, but by his owne affections: against whom, whensoeuer he got the victorie, there was a whole man in him: he was of the sword, and knew better how to end quarrells, then to beginne them; yet was more apt to begin, then others (better bearded) were to answer, with which (some that were euer bound to the peace) vpbraided him as a blemish. His Country barring him (for want of action) of that which he was borne to inherit, (fame) hee went in quest of it into the Low Countries, where (by his deare earnings) hee bequeathed that to those of his name, with no∣thing, but his name seemed to deprive him of in England. Ost-end being besieged, he lost one of his eyes, whilst he looked ouer the walls, which first storme did rather driue him on to more dangerous aduentures, though to the hazard euen of a ship∣wracke, (than like a fearefull Merchant) to runne his fortunes and reputation on ground, for the boysterous threatnings of euery idle billow. So that his resolution set vpon this rest, to leaue all the remainer of his bodie to that Country, which had taken from him one of the best iewells of his life, since it had a peece of him, he would not so disho∣nour the place, as to carry away the rest broken. Into the field therefore comes he, the fates putting both his eyes into one, (of purpose) because hee should looke vpon none but his enemies: where, a battaile being to be fought, the desert aduanced him to ad∣uance

the Colours; by which dignitie, he became one of the fairest markes, which was then to be shot at: and where a great part of that daies glorie was to be wonne; for the Regent that followed his Ensigne, (by being hardly set to) giuing ground, and the ene∣mies ambition, thirsting after his Colours, threw at all, in hope to winne them. But the destinies (who fought on their side) mistooke themselues, and in stead of striking the Colours out of his hand, smote him: in so much, that hee was twice shot, and twice runne through the bodie, yet would not surrender his hold for all those breaches, but stripping the prize for which they stroue, off from the staffe that held it vp, and wrapping his dying bodie in it, drew out his weapon, with which before his Colours could be called his winding sheete, hee threw himselfe into the thickest of daunger, where after hee had slaine a horse-man, and two others most valiantly, hee came off (halfe dead, halfe aliue) brauely, deliuering vp his spirit in the armes of none but his friends and fellow soul∣diers.

So that (as if Fortune had beene iealous of her owne wauering) death (at her intreatie) tooke him away, in the noone-tide of a happinesse, least any blacke euenings ouercasting, should spoile it with alteration. Hee was married to the honour of a fielde in the morning, and died in the Armes of it the same day, before it was spoyled of the mayden-head: so that it went away chaste and

vnbleamishable. To conclude, (father Sculler) because I see wee are vppon landing, here is as much as I can speake in his praise: he died auncient in the verie middest of his youth. Charon humde and cried well; and hauing rid his boat of them, directed them to those happie places which were allotted out to none but Martialists.

In this Interim Sir Digoneis worshippe (our wan∣dring knight,) is walking with the monilesse Ora∣tor in one of the Elizian gardens, to whom hee re∣lates (aeerbatim) his masters answer and resolution, which he receiues (considering he was now where he would be) with as few wordes as he was woont to carrie pence in his purse. The Post hath as little to say to him, & there for casting a slight eie (because he durst do no other, for that place is not for him) vpon all the Elizian Courtiers, (like a disdainfull phan∣tasticke Frenchman, when he comes into a strange Countrie as though hee trauailed rather to bee seene than to obserue,) vp he gettes vppon one of the Diuels Hackneyes, and away hee rides about his other worldly businesse, about which, whi∣lest hee is sweating, let mee carrie you vppe into those Insulae fortunatae, which are imbraced about with waters sweete, redolent, and Cristoline, the Teares of the Vine are not so precious, the Nectar of the Gods nothing so sweete and deli∣cious. If you walke into the Groaues, you shall see all sortes of Birdes melodiously sing∣ing, Shepheardes Swaines deftly pyping, and Virgins

the trees euer flourishing, the fruits euer growing, the flowers euer springing: for the very benches whereon they sit, are buds of violets, the buddes whereon they lie, bankes of muske roses, their pil∣lowes are hearts-ease, their sheetes, the silken leaues of willow: vpon which, lest my intranced soule lie too long, and forget herselfe, let me heere (like one started out of a golden dreame) be so delighted with these treasures, which I found in my sleepe, that for a while I stand ama∣zed, and speake nothing. Iam desine Tibia Versas.

FINIS.