Sir, I doe not loue to double with a womā if my friend, much lesse with you my most vpright & straight Connt, my yong Lord (as I told you) is turnd absolute prodigall.

How prodigall?

Marry thus prodigall, to frequent ordina∣ries is his ordinarie practise, rubs out whole weekes together in bowling. Allyes, bandies away his pocket full of French-Crownes in a morning, and counts it a prettie sport to procure heate.

Thinke as you will sir, there's not a tricke vsde in the towne that deserues damnation, but hee desires to deale in't, tis pitty a was not made a trades∣man, he loves to follow his occupation a life, & that which makes him doubt most, he is in loue with the Indian punck Tobacco.

Punke! how the foole that doth not know it slaunders a leafe, nick-names a stranger herb.

No herb a grace I hope sir.

I thinke none a the name lout's it, Page  [unnumbered] I haue heard olde Adam was an honest man, and a good Gardiner lou'd Lettice well, Sallets and Cab∣bage reasonable well, yet no Tobacco: Again, A∣dam Bell a substantial out-law, & passing a good Ar∣cher, yet no Tobaconist. Further, Diogenes, whose propper name might bee Adam for ought I know, lou'd Carretts well, Leeke porredge▪ passing well, yet no Tobacco: to conclude, my great Grand∣fathers Grandfathersfather, and my selfe all Gard∣ners, yet could not abide this Chimney-sweeper To∣cause, bacco.

They did not: take me with you, what's the They were al plaine folks, & did not know the lawes.

They were plaine indeede, and thereof grew the prouer be, plaine dealing is a Iewell.

But he that vseth it shall die a begger.

That addition was made by some Lawyer or Poet, to auoid which, they cannot indure plaine-dea∣ling should haue a hand in any of their actions.

So will a spur-gald Iade sir, but to all these mis∣demeanors, a maintaines a priuate punck, one Tris∣tella that hee had in way of reuersion from Iulio, a twindger, a meere Horsleach, one that will suck out the braines of his treasurie, and make a meere skin of his wealth, I, out of my Loue reprehended his error, and he in a furie kick't me out of dores, and dischar∣ged me of his seruice.

I like not this, tis neither right nor streight done with no law-trick, nor no good conceite, but here a comes.

With Autumne in his bosome, pray God she shake not downe his leaues, and leaue him to make the Duke his father a bald reckoning.

Peace and obserue.

And you'l doo't agen?

That's a good wench.

Still good in law, and an vpright conceit.

Doe you not know that man?

Suppose I doe?

I know not this.

More then his owne.

But y'are all Ouids.

Each one in this agrees to scandall vs.

And talke of Lawyers fees.

I take your word.

Then seale it with a kisse.

That kisse my Lord deserues an Epigram▪

Sit downe good Vncle.

A womans iest.

You meane a lye, for women vse to lye.

But not like Schollers by authoritie.

Yet they may produce lying authoritie, and so cannot Poets,

Nor Lawyers neither.

Are you a Lawyer?

Ifaith Madam, he hath sit on the skirts of law any time this thirtie yeares.

Then he should bee a good Trencher-man by Page  [unnumbered] his profession.

Your reason Adam.

I knew one of that facultie in one terme eate vp a hole Towne, Church, Steeple and all.

I wonder the Bels rung not all in his belly.

What a prou'd Iacke was that? but I wonder at Lawyers for one thing, many of them vse to take their fees afore-hand.

For a two-folde pollicy, one is they were com∣monly greedie, the other for feare if their Clyents follow their Counsell long, they will not be worth a fee.

Tis well said Lady, you doe well to iest with an oldeman.

A saies true, for if you shold iest too much with a young man, it might proue earnest, & so the fruites of your ieasts make you both a sham'd on't.

Well said Adam, but leauing at a full iest, Vn∣cle, what earnest businesse brought you hither?

Why what saies Goody Fame, and my trustie Seruant

S'foot say I doe, what, has the worme-eaten bawd Fame: or ere a pander-like foole else to doe with it? giue her maintenance, why she is of my nere affinitie, should I see my shee affinitie goe in tatters? I allow my Seruant rags, & I were worse then a Iew, if I should suffer my shee affinitie to goe naked.

A Lawyer right?

Securitie? Leases and old rents, Castle and Towne-ships, able men, good securitie, Townes are no Starters, theile hold out winde and weather.

I craue no more, let me haue pawnes and vse.

Your Grace may haue accesse.

Tis so indeede.

Is there a backe way?

A Stoue?

Gods me, the Countesse.

Is this your wife?

Madam, tis she that was.

That was and is not? how comes that to passe?

I cannot tell, God & his conscience knowes

Not in brasse Characters?

No, hornes more fit.

Hath not the Lawe diuorc'd and made a bar twixt our affections? wert not thou content to take a pention?

Which you still detaine.

Good wit, Law-trickes and firme, you may complaine.

Complaine I doe, I kneele before the throane and sue for Iustice, but yet can purchase none.

Complaine I doe Cousen.

Away.

Come, leaue the Bedlam.

Doe, for wit and Law knowe shee's a foole,

A couple quoth Iack-daw.

Madam.

Who calles?

Madam.

Horatio.

In passion Lady.

Discontent or so.

You will not buy me sure you praise me so.

Yet faire, ile bid faire for you ere I goe,

He that bids faire for me deceiues his eye.

By heauen a doth not.

Wilfull periurie, what meanes all this?

Some bad perhaps, but—

Husbands but for't, true, woot? prethee woot thou?

What?

Vd's Hartlings doe?

Doe what?

Loue-tricks quickly, woo't thou prethee.

No, I prize my credit.

You doe me wrong.

Vpon thy shame.

O for honour doe.

Sweare thou art my strumpet.

Ile indure that to.

Shalt not deny't, hart, canst not.

Yes, I can.

Doo't for thy life, thy soule, basse curtezan.

Come hether Boy, didst neuer owe me seruice

Yes Madam, more then euer I paid you ho∣nestly, and were a not my Maister.

Thy Maister, who?

Horatio, he that puts chastetie to the quick, & honor to the stab, but ile shew him the nature of a right French-man, deny him homage, for sweare al∣legiance, and come behinde hand in cash keeping, & with his owne pursse maintaine you against him.

Thy purpose brieflie.

In balde sentences, your noted wrongs are pit∣tied.

Pittyed, by whome?

By me, lodgings prepar'd and dyet, which I humbly tender your honor, as first paiment of the an∣cient debt, my seruice owes you.

But is the lodging priuate?

At mine owne mothers, and though I say't, she keepes an honest house, though my father bee a Cit∣tiz•n.

Of what profession?

Neither foole nor Phisitian, but an ingenious Pothecarie.

And what resort?

Verie ciuil and moste quiet resort, patients, the Page  [unnumbered] house is set round with patients twice or thrice a day, and because theile be sure not to want drinke, euerie one brings his owne water in an Vrinall with him.

Doth a vse phisicke too? that's beyond his warrant.

O Lord Madam, better men then hee straine curtes•ie with their warrants in this age, besides, you being musicall, shall meet much content, for my mo∣ther lodges three or foure Knights & Ladies Daugh∣ters that practise musicke and needle-work, and wil no doubt be exceeding proud of your company, wilt please you walke?

Thou art the Star, by whome my fate is led, My shame's so publique, ide faine hide my head.