Wits fittes and fancies Fronted and entermedled with presidentes of honour and wisdome. Also: Loves Ovvl. An idle conceited dialogue betwene loue, and an olde man. Recta securus. A. C.

Wittes, Fittes, and Fancies. The sixt Part. (Book 6)

OF EQVIVOCATES IN SPEECH.

DEstogada signifies in Spanish vnarayed, and De∣stocada vnstabb'd or vntouch'd: A Spanish Gen. came early in a morning to visit his Virgin-mi∣stresse, and her mayd told him that shee was yet Destogada: viz. vnarrayed: Marie, therefore come I (answered the Gent.) for wist I, that shee were not meerly Destocada, viz. vntouch'd, I would not thus early come to proffer her my seruice.

Solar in Spanish is any thing appertaining to the Sunne: also it signifies a Floore or a pauement: A testy Gallant finding him selfe aggrieu'd with words of disgrace that were proffered him said: Villaine, thou hast abus'd my reputation, I tell thee my Gentry is as manifest as the Solar, (viz. the Sunne,) and no lesse bright it shineth: Wherunto the other answered: Yea, well I wot, you are not only of the Solar (viz. of the Floore) but also aboue it, for he stood vpon the floore: Also it beareth this Iro∣nicall sence, that he acknowledged him not only Sun-like, but also aboue the Sunne: and so he flouted him with an Hyperboli∣call flatterie.

Corredor signifies in Spanish a Broker, also it signifies a Foot∣man: A Broker came to a Faire to sell a siluer cup, and one ask'd him the price therof, as also whether he would warrant the sale of it. Yes (said he) that I will, for I am a Corredor. (viz. a Broker) & I dwell at such a place. With that the other hauing the Cup in his hand, ran away with it, saying: If you be a Corredor, as you say (viz. a Foot-man as he meant it) let me see if you can ouertake mee.

One said to an old Forrester: Faith, you are a senex-Fornicator

so you are: The Forrester ask'd him what that was: hee answe∣red: An old Forrester: True (said the Forrester) indeed such a one haue I been these full fiue and fifty yeares.

One threw stones at an yll-fauor'd old womans Owle, & the old woman said: Faith (sir knaue) you are well occupy'd, so you are, to throw stones at my poore Owle, that doth you no harme, so shee doth not: Yea marie (answered the wag so wold you be better occupy'd too (I wisse) if you were yoong againe and had a better face, so you would.

Don Alonso de Aguilar lying one night in a village, where he heard a great rumbling and noise in the street and within the house, so as hee could take no rest all night long, ask'd his Hoste in the morning how that Village was called: he answe∣red Almachar: No (said Don Alonso) it is Alma-hechar: as much to say in Spanish, as, Giue vp the Ghost.

At Madredejos in Spaine it is the custome, euerie Cor∣pus Christi-day certaine rich Farmers sonnes to make a break-fast in the Market-place to a number of wagges, such as they shall thinke good to elect; and this breake-fast place they call'd Hell: It so fell out that these Farmers sonnes and their electes being at breakfast in this place vpon a Corpus Christi-day mor∣ning, a murther was committed at the same instant without the towne, and diuers were apprehended for the fact: Among o∣thers a Fish-monger was one, who being brought to his try∣all, was straight acquitted by the Iurie, which gaue in, that the said Fish-monger was in hell at the time of the murther com∣mitted.

A Gentleman taking his leaue of a Gentlewoman, said: May it please you to will me any seruice; Shee answered: No, I doe not yet make my will.

Calderon in Spanish signifies a Chaldron: A Gentleman, whose name was Calderon dallying at a Well in an Orchard with two Lasses, an other Gentleman came by and requested him to helpe him to a draught of that Well-water: he answe∣red:

Sir with all my hart I would, but I lacke wherewithall to draw it vp: Th'other reply'd: Hauing a Calderon and two buckets, can you draw vp none?

Roque in Spanish is a Chesse-man so called, and Dama is a Gentlewoman, and the Queene at Chesse-play: One Senior Roque married a faire Dame and a rich, and a friend of his hea∣ring of it, said: Oh happy Roque that couldst giue so faire a Da∣ma the mate.

Romero signifies in Spanish a Pilgrim: One whose name was so, ask'd an other whether he knew him: who answe∣red: Yea, very well, by the token you beg for Gods sake.

A Gentleman whose maistresse name was Field, saying in a morning to a friend of his: See howe I am all bedew'd with comming ouer yonder field: The other answered: Rather is it with lying all night in the field.

One came to seeke out a yoong Gentleman at a Dicing∣house, who hauing lost all his money was but newlie gone a walking, and one of the company said vnto him: You doe well to seeke him out, for he is lost: viz. he had lost.

One came to visite his enamour'd friend, and he found him all alone in a Turret pensiue: stepping in vnto him, hee said: Where is this enamour'd Gallant? what, in a Turret? hee an∣swered: I, where should a dead man be, but enterred?

One Beast was suspected to haue cowardly beaten and brui∣sed a weaponlesse poore fellowe by night, and hee stoutlie de∣nying it before a Iustice, a Gentleman that stood by, said: Out of doubt, if a Beast did it not, yet was it done like a Beast, who ere did it.

Certaine Gentlewomen were eating of a Posset, and they all commended how good it was: A Gentleman of the com∣pany for contradiction sake, said: No, it is not good: Where∣unto one of the Gentlewomen answered: You say what it is not, but you doe not say what it is.

A Gentlewoman that had two Paramours: the one called Spot, the other Fuller: one merrily sayd of her: Hauing a Fuller, I maruell shee can haue ere a Spot.

EXTRAVAGANT SPEECH.

ONe being in danger of drowning, an other standing on the shore, said vnto him. Get to yōder stooping tree, & you are safe: Tut (hee answered) tell not mee of getting or gayning, for I care but only to saue my selfe at this time.

A Spanish Gent. looking out at his window after a coorse that was caried out of his house to be buried, said: Oh, howe hard a matter were it to thrust mee out of my house, seeing to carie a dead man hence is foure mens traueill.

A Spaniard seeing in a Church in Flanders all the Saintes I∣mages defac'd and broken, and anon after noting in the streetes a manie faire houses downe, the chimneyes only standing, said: It had been meet whē these ruins were a doing, that the Priests had conuay'd the Saintes into these chymneyes, and the Ci∣tizens their houses into the Church for Sanctuarie. Wherunto an other adjoyn'd: Thus you see where Lutheranes preuaile, Saintes goe to wracke.

One was a telling an other how one Fernando Ruis Cauesa of such a place, dwelt 26. miles from Ciuill, and 26. from Seres: An other comming in abruptly, & asking him what he said: he answered: It is a whole paire of Cardes.

One being ask'd what hee made in those parts: he answered I haue not done any good deeds to be yet in heauen.

A Moore walking along the streets of Toledo, pass'd ouer a bridge where stood a many shops and no housing: Seeing it, he ask'd a shop-boy, where his Maister lay a nights: who answe∣red: At his house in the towne, as all the rest besides did: Oh, foolish people (then reply'd the Moore) no wife by day, nor no goods by night.

A mightie fat Gent. had nere a child by his faire wife: And offring one day to runne for a wager with a familiar friend of his▪ and to giue him a quoytes-cast ods before him, the other answered: Giue me but one cast more, and I'le deliuer you her with childe.

A Father comming to see his sonne drest of a wound in his face, said: It would not haue grieu'd mee halfe so much if it had been in the arme, or in the legge, or in any other place but ther: The sonne answered: Oh Father, Receiuers are no Choosers.

One asking one whether his brother were yet aliue: he an∣swered: No, nothing liuelie, but a verie Lubber.

A widdow-Gentlewoman fearing least her leane son might haplie conuerse ouermuch a nights with his fair Bride, & ther∣by incurre a consumption, vs'd often times to send him abroad about her businesse some three or foure dayes together, and so many nights: which the yoong Gentlewoman his wife tooke verie vnkindly at her handes: Insomuch as on a time her hus∣band being from home, and she looking out at a window, and chancing to see a many Sparrowes sitting in a bush, she skarr'd them all away, saying. Faith (Sparrowes) you had best be gone, least my mother in law come and send you going with a wit∣nesse.

A Recusant making water against a church-wal, the Church-warden seeing it, excepted thereunto, as prophanely done. Wherunto he answered: It is my Church, not yours.

A kind wife followed her husband to the gallowes, and he requesting her not to trouble her selfe any further: shee answe∣red: Ah yes (deere husband) nowe that I am come thus farre, faith, I'le see you hang'd too (God willing.)

A Cooke seeing his far wife sit stradling at the shop doore, said vnto her: Fie on thee (slut) shut vp that shop of thine: The Goodwife answered: The Deu'll take him that hath the key and doth it not.

One saying to his neighbour that he had a Pope in his belly,

he answered: Better so yet, then a deuill in my heart.

One saying to his neighbour in an euening: God giue you good night: Th'other answered: Amen.

Bishop Gardener seeing one of his men waite at the boord with a monstrous great Codpeece prick'd full of pinnes on the top, tooke a peece of bread, and crumbled it towards him, say∣ing: Cob, cob, come cob, cob.

A wench saying to one: Thou art an errand knaue, so thou art, to vse me so behind my backe: By chance one comming by, and ouer-hearing it, said: Belike you would haue had it in your bellie.

A Pothecarie was shewing one an Vnicornes horne, and an other came in abruptlie, and ask'd him what horne it was: hee answered: A Cuckolds horne of a hundred yeeres olde.

An Officer examining a poore Passenger where he dwelt, and how he liu'd: he answered: If you would examine me about other matters, you should find I were full of Lice.

OF EVASIONS AND EXCV∣ses in speech.

DOn Diego Arias, Treasurer to Iohn King of Spaine, being sent for on a time by the King, said vnto the Messenger: Doth the King send for me? Now a wedge betide him I pray God: Being afterward call'd in question for so saying: hee answered: I meant your Majestie a wedge for your fortunes wheele.

Quemada signifies in Spanish to burne, or be on fire: A Gent. whose name was Quemada was a certaine faire Ladies Para∣mour: She whensoeuer shee affirm'd any thing in earnest vs'd stil to say. Quemada me vea, if it be not true: that is: A fire light on me, if it be not true.

A Weauer that vs'd to steale more yarne then his lawful al∣lowance, had a priuy place in his house where to hide it, which he call'd Hell: Hee whensoeuer anie of his Customers charg'd

him with any such theft, vs'd thus to protest & sweare: If I haue anie more then my due, now I pray God in hell I may find it.

At the change of Religion heer in England, one Doctor Mor∣gan was depos'd from his cure to giue place to the Ministrie. It chanced that being inuited certain daies alter to a dinner wher∣at were present certaine Iustices and a manie other worshipful guests, he thus at dinner time mumbled vnto himselfe: And is it euen so, Morgan? Faith▪ haue they so hardly dealt with thee? wel (I assure thē) it shal cost manie a mans life for it ere I haue done. Such his mumblement being ouer-heard, came afterwardes in question to his danger, as seeming to proceede of a treasonable discontent with the present state: And being brought to his an∣swere, he thus justified this speech, saying: I confesse I spake the words, and it is true that the losse of my Benefice is like to cost manie a mans life: for hauing now no other trade to liue by, thē phisicke (wherein as yet I am altogether vnskilfull,) it is likelie that my too timely practise will be the death of many a one.

Castanio signifies in Spanish a Chesse-nut tree, also it is the name of the best kinds of Iennets in Spaine. An vpstart Gallant walking in the street in companie of a many Gentlemen, chan∣ced to meet the Carier of his Country, and asking him for let∣ters from his friends, & what was the best newes in those parts, the Carier answered: No letters (sir) but bad newes: Your fa∣ther climing a Castanio th'other day to beate downe Chesse-nuts for his hogs, fell down & broke his neck: Which newes some of the Gent. ouer-hearing, smil'd to themselues, & ask'd him what bad Castanio-news it was the Carier told him: he an∣swered: Mary (Gent.) euen as I alwaies fear'd: Know ye that my father was th'only braue horsman in all our countrey, and was neuer without halfe a dozen of most especiall choise Castaneos, (viz. Ienets of that kind,) and riding th'other day vpon one of them to visit a faire Ladie, it chanced that the horse fell downe a high hill, and hath slaine him.

A mad-man rusht into a chamber with a drawne sworde:

and finding one there a bed, would haue slaine him, saying: Vil∣laine, were it not valiantly done to strike off thy knaues head at one blow: Th'other answered: Tut (sir) that's nothing with your worship to doe, you can as easily strike off two heads at a blow as one: Wherfore, if you please, I'le go downe and cal vp an other, that you may strike off both our heads at once. The mad-man beleeu'd him, and so let him slip away.

A Noble-man in this land call'd a Doctor errand Knaue, and the Doctor answered: Good (my L.) I would be loth to be so errand a Knaue as your Lordship: And heerat he made a pawse, as fayning to spet, and then adioyn'd: Takes me to be.

A Noble-mans man on S. Georges day, for lacke of a golde∣chaine, wore a Copper one gilt, and fearing least it might bee perceiued, button'd it close vp to his neck within his doublet: Comming in the afternoone to visite his maistresse, she seeing him weare his chaine so in hugger-mugger, ask'd him why he wore it so: he answered: I giue it sucke, least it should crie, and be ouer-noysome to anie.

One that was none of the wisest was created Comptroller ouer a Citie in Spaine call'd Badajos, wherof he was naturall: & another hearing of it, said: that the Counsell had greatly err'd to create him Comptroller of that place: Being ask'd why: he an∣swered: Because he cannot be Comptroller in his owne coun∣try: viz. hee could not comptroll himselfe.

Two Souldiours being come to the place of single combat, the aduersaries ghostly Father ask'd th'other Souldiour if hee had not any Rellicke or charme about him, whereby he might hope to preuaile against th'other: This Souldiours ghostly Fa∣ther then standing by, thus aenigmatically therunto answered: This othe I dare take for him my self, who hath no such matter about him.

A widow-Gentlewoman suspecting that a yoong Gallant who was a suter to her faire daughter, had priuily deflour'd her, and in that respect vnlesse he would take a booke-oath to

the contrary, she sware shee would giue no portion with her: The Gent. knowing himself guilty, took the Testament in his hand, and thus aenigma••icallie sware: I heer protest by the ho∣ly contentes of this booke before you, that neuer in all my life did I know this Gentlewoman your daughter carnally, as you or any other may imagine [but (indeed) I confesse, I kist her, & embrac'd her, and toy'd with her, as I haue done with many Gentlewomen more in my daies, and yet neuer any dishone∣stie came of it.

One objecting to a reuerend man that he kept a queane, he answered: What matter is it if I haue a whoore, and a whoore haue not mee.

One being reprehended for liuing all to sloothfullie: he an∣swered: We are not bound to giue accompt of our slooth, but of our labours.

One saying to a Gent. Sir, it were very good you told such a one of his faults, that he may amend them: he answered: It is ynough that I thinke him a knaue, though I tell him not so to his face.

One saying to a Gent. Faith, hauing so much intrest in N. as you haue, mee thinks you might easly bridle his passions: he answered: I am no horse-coorser.

A Clowne hauing surfeited of Beefe, and being therewith extreame sicke, vow'd neuer whiles he liu'd to eat Beefe more, if it pleas'd God he might escape for that once: Shortlie after ha∣uing his perfect health again, he would needs haue eaten beefe, and his sister putting him in mind of his vow, hee answered: True (sister,) not without mustard (good L.) not without mu∣stard.

SENCE REVERSED BY IDEN∣titie of speech.

A Poore Carpenter, yet a good work-man, was employ'd to the building of a bridge, wherin he became so good a gainer, that it set him vp for euer. And in one of the main

postes therof he had engrauen these words: [Sanchio Rodriguez made this Bridge.] An other came after, & wrote vnderneath with a coale, [This bridge made Sanchio Rodriguez.]

One commended halfe a foole for a very wise & profound person. Profound indeed (answered an other) for (well I wot) 20. buckets can scarse draw him out of his deeps.

One call'd an other foole, who answered: Indeed, so may I seeme, because I speak in such sort as you may vnderstand me.

One chyding his sonne for lying long a bed a mornings, told him that such a one with rising earlie in a morning chanced to find a bagge of gold: The sonne answered: Too early rose hee (Father) that lost it.

A Gent. leading a faire Gentlewoman by the hand through a dark ruinous roome, said vnto her: Lord, what a sweet room were this, were not you in it? Shee answered: A sweet roome were this, were not you in it.

A Prentise hearing a Tinker crying in the street [Haue yee any worke for a Tinker] bid him goe to Banbery: The Tinker answered: I, there (boy) belike thy father was hang'd: he repli'd: Why would he be a Tinker then?

One seeing an old Pettyfogger in the street writing downe a memorandum in his note-booke, said vnto him: Why how now (Grand••ire?) what scribbling make you there? hee answe∣red: I register such knaues as you.

OF IMPROPER SPEECH.

One vsed an improper tearme to a Falkoner, saying, that his Hauke dung'd: The Falkoner told him, that he should haue said, Muted: Anon after this fellow stumbled, & fel into a Cowshare, and the Falkoner asking him how hee came so beray'd: he answered: In a Cow-mute.

A Country-Gent. going to buy hogges some fiue or sixe miles from home, came to a Farmers house, who had some to

sell, and chancing on the sudden to see his faire daughter as hee entred in at the doore, he mistooke his tearmes, and said vnto her: If hogges bring you foorth, they must needes be fair hogs: Hee would haue said: If you bring foorth these hogges to see, they must needs be faire hogges.

A Count Palatines Ladie, and an other Ladie in the Spa∣nish Court were at brabble, and taunted one another highlie: The Palatine-Ladie returning shortly after home to her Lord, tolde him a great tale of all th'abuse was offred her, and name∣lye how the other Ladie denyed her the Title of a Countesse Palatine: Wherunto th'Earle answered: Deere Ladie, (setting God aside), you are euen as great a Lady Palatine as the Coun∣tesse of Beneuente.

One was a boasting how little he fear'd the plague, & sayd: All were I to goe to the deuill, I would neuer feare the plague.

A Country-man being at the Tearme, and hearing much rumour that my Lord of Lecester had wonne a Sconce in the Low-countries, told his neighbours for newes when he came home, that my L. of Lecester had won a Lantern.

A plain fellow came to borrow his neighbours Boare, and he ask'd him what he would doe with it, hee answered: Mary, to take his pleasure of my Sow.

A Country-man sent his sonne with a Basket-full of Chic∣kens to his Land-Lady, and the Swaine to bee very fine, sayd: Maistresse, my father hath sent you heer a nest of Peeps.

A Scowld was a saying, what a skeruie knaue is he to vse mee so behind my back. A Gent. by chance passing by, & ouerhea∣ring it, answer'd: Wel might he so doe, all were he not skeruy.

OF EMBLEMES, POESIES, AND Endorcements.

THe Marques of Cortese wonted to say, that he that wants friends is like a Hony-comb without hony, an eare with∣out corne, a tree without fruite.

A religious Dame caus'd her picture to be drawne, holding her litle child in one hand, and a Bible in the other, and ouer the Bible was written, my Ioy, and ouer the Child, my Comfort.

A Gentlewoman was reading the poesie of another Gentle∣womans ring, and it was, God help me. A third Gentlewoman standing by, ask'd her what it was. She answered: A verie pal∣trie one.

Don Aluaro de Ayala gaue the halfe Moon in his Crest, and a Page of his seeing it engrauen vpon a wall, wrote vnderneath it with a coale, Nunca llena: viz. Bee it neuer at full: His Maister checking him therfore, and asking him why he wrote so, he an∣swered: Mary (sir) because the Moone being once at full, of force it must decrease.

A new married Bride had her picture drawne, holding in her hande ouer-thwart her belly, a Bay-branch full of greene leaues, wherof one sprig was made moūting vpwards toward her heart, and an other down towards her priuy part, & it was written vpon the ouer-thwart branch thus: Fetch'd from the field let me neuer wither: and vpon the vpper sprig, Hether: and vpon the lower, Thether.

One whose name was Tutchiner, gaue this Mot for his po∣esie, Tuciner.

One Peter in a Christmas-time, at my L. Keepers had writ∣ten vpon the back-side of a whole paire of Cards seuerall Poe∣sies, to be drawn by the Christmasse-company and assembly there, and amongst others this was one,

Englands high Empresse great Ioue defend and blesse her, And keep in health (good Lord) my good L. Keeper: Keepe all awake, that none be found a sleeper, And keep me too, thy faithfull seruant Peter.

One seeing his enemies Armes drawne vpon a wall with a coale, drew the like vnderneath, and in the first house drewe his said enemies chiefe coat, and all the rest of the escutchion he figured with twenty kinds of pots, cups, and drinking glasses,

and wrote vnderneath thus: These my forefathers left me, and I wil encrease them.

A widow-Countesse vs'd to subscribe all her Letters thus; The dolefull Countesse N. Writing a letter to a plaine Bayliffe others in the country, she so subscrib'd it: & he in answer there∣to subscrib'd his letter thus: Your dolefull seruant R.

One who had married a Gentlewoman far his better in de∣gree and calling, wrot her a Letter, and subscrib'd it thus: Your worships base husband N.

A Noble-mans Secretarie in a letter which hee wrote for his Lord to an vpstart Gent. interlin'd therin this word Senior: The gallant was heerat in a pelting chafe, as supporting it done purposely to taunt his ignobility: Which the Noble-man vn∣derstanding by the bearer, will'd his Secretary in his next letter to leaue out Senior for good & all, and to leaue a great blancke ouer the Letter, and asmuch margin on either side: The Secre∣tarie did so: Then the Noble-man in a seuerall peece of paper, wrote with his owne hand this word Senior in faire large let∣ters, and subscrib'd vnderneath it thus: I send you this worde (Senior) written with mine own hand, as acknowledging you a verie Gent. and withall haue left you space ynough both in the front of my letter, as also in either Margin thereof to dispose it where you best please.

To a very old Gentlewoman, whose name was maistresse Touseners, one endorst his letter thus: To the worshipfull, &c. maistresse Thousand-yeers giue this.

A Suter wrote a whole Loue-letter to his maistresse word for word out of Amadis de Gaule: who when she had read it, & remembred from whence he had it, she deliuer'd it again to the bearer, saying: Friend, you mistake: This letter is to Maistresse Laureola.

A simple Scholler endorc'd his letter to his Father thus: To my very obedient good father, &c.

OF SIMILIES.

A Merrie Gent. seeing among a many faire yoong Ladies one olde withered Beldame, said: Loe, there a Deathes head at the end of a Rosary.

One beholding a house faire caru'd and wrought towarde the top, and rude and rough below, said it was like a womans smocke.

One that had but heer and there a scattred haire on his chin: an other sayd it was like a countrey-parish wasted with the plague.

One being ask'd why hee refus'd to answere one that had highly abus'd him in outragious tearmes: hee answered: I am like a deafe man in a Belfrie, that heares not the jangling of the Belles,

A poore Gent. made an old Seruiture of his, his horse-kee∣per, and hauing but one horse in all the world, it was noted that when he rode abroad, his man staid at home, & when his man rode foorth, then hee staid at home: Whereupon one merrily compar'd them to Castor and Pollux, two starres in the Firma∣ment, wherof the one appearing in the euening, assoone as euer the other begins to shew, straight peepes in his head, and vanisheth out of sight.

A Gentlewoman in a solemne festiuity danced with a yong Gallant a most lofty Lauolta: and a Noble-man there present, sayd, she resembled the crowne of a good felt hat, soone down, soone vp

Of a Gentlewoman that had a bad face and a good waste, an other said, that the circumstance was better then the sinne.

An old Marchant had hanging at his girdle a pouch, a spe∣ctacle-case, a punniard, a pen and inck-horne, and a hand-kert∣cher, with many other trinkets besides: which a merie compa∣nion seing, said: it was like a Haberdashers shop of smal wares. A man & his wife were chiding together, & in came a friend of

theirs, and besought them to forbeare one an other, and agree as became man and wife: Wherunto he answered: Know yee that my wife and I are like a paire of cardes still in shuffle with one an other all day long, and at night in a lump together like good friendes.

One seeing a many ••ubs in the street, some vp, some downe, said, they were like Chanons singing Glorie be to the Father &c.

One seing a Gentlewoman whose face was pure red and white, said it was like a shoulder of Mutton new cut off from the breast.

A Gent. gaue a Gentlewoman a fine twisted bracelet of silke and golde, and seeing it the next day vpon another Gentle∣womans wrest, sayd: it was like a Barbers girdle soon slipt from one side to another.

A Noble-man comming into a Gent. house, & being shew'd all the rooms therin, which he saw were many & small, he said: they were like Lenten dishes.

One seeing a many Seruing-men wayting on their Mai∣ster, their cloathes al too big for them, and flagging vnhansom∣lie about them, said, they were like so many rotten egges.

One seeing in a Noble-mans hall a many Marble-Nymphs, euery one holding before them a broad Escutcheon, said, they were like so many Millers displaying their sayles.

One hearing a bagpipe sownd yll-fauouredly, said, it was like the noise of a Cat, whiles her taile is a cutting off.

One seeing an other thrust out his head as though he stood harkening to somewhat, said, it was like the head of a Gittern.

OF MONVMENTS.

AT Lisborn in the stewards study of the Orphants hospital is painted in great Letters these words vpon the wall, Ante que des escriue, ante que firmes reciue: that is. Write before you pay, and receiue before you signe.

A Gent. passing by the Shambles, a Butcher ask'd him what those Letters might signifie which were ingrauen ouer their Shambles-doore, viz. K.F.T.S. He answered, K. Know yee. F. For very truth, T. That whosoeuer giues bad waight, S. Shall be whipt at a cartes tayle.

Charles the seuenth French King vewing the tombe of Iohn Earle of Bedford in our Ladies Church at Roane, a zealous Gal∣lant of his traine thinking to doe a high scorne to English val∣lour, and please the King with such his French folly, spurn'd the Monument with his foote, and mumbled out withall tearmes of disgrace against the Ghost of that victorious Earle: Which the King seeing, and disliking, said: Oh (Foole) scorne wee not him dead, whom aliue we dreaded.

A great Ladie in this land walking with a merrie Gent. in a Gallerie, where were a many faire Anticke monuments both in picture and Alablaster: amongst the rest shee spy'd a Mar∣ble Statue of a Syluan-God all in his nakednes, and with verie bountifull perpendiculars hanging downe below his bellie be∣fore: Viewing it a good space, in the end shee ask'd the Gent. what it was like, he answered: It is one of the sixe Clearks: One of the sixe Clearks? (quoth she) how so I pray ye? Hee reply'd: Why? see you not (Madam) his huge Pen and inck-horne?

The end of the sixt part of this booke.