Wits fittes and fancies Fronted and entermedled with presidentes of honour and wisdome. Also: Loves Ovvl. An idle conceited dialogue betwene loue, and an olde man. Recta securus. A. C.

OF GALLANTS AND VPSTARTS.

A Presumptuous gallant besought the King of Spaine in a merim••nt to make him his Secretary; The King answe∣red▪ that hee was already prouided of a su••ficient one. Yea, well I wot (reply'd the gallant) your Mai••sty hath a Secre∣tary indeed, but he can speake no Latine, which is a foule de∣fault. The Secretary standing by, then answered. But it is a grea∣ter shame not to speake good Spanish.

Emanuell King of Portugall being to ride a hunting, willed his Steward to prouide him dinn••r in a banquetting house, which he had in the forrest, and that it should consist onely of such meats as had no bloud in them. viz. Sallades and fruites altogether. A Gallant ouerhearing such the Kinges encharge, stepped straight to a Gentleman his companion by, & drawing out his sword, presented it to the King, and sayd: It may then please your Maiesty to taste hereof, for by Iesus it neuer yet drew bloud of any and in it selfe the deu'll a whit it hath.

A merie Gentleman seeing a Gallant that was bound for the Indies walke the streets, his hat al-a fl••unt, and befeathered with all kind of colloured plumes, saide: When a Gods name will this Woodcocke flie, ••or well I see he hath all his ••ethers about him.

One that had layn first with the mother, and then afterward

with the daughter, asked a Ruffian mate, what that fact might resemble; who answered: All one, as if you should eate the hen first, and the chickin after.

A Spanish Hidalgo vsed to say, that in a case of brabble be∣tweene king Phillip and him, hee might with more right giue the King the lie, the the King giue it him, because he himselfe is a pure Spaniard, and the King but an Ostrich.

A gallant vsed to say: Trauelling on the way, let me alwaies lie in a house where I may call my Host Knaue, and my Ho∣stesse whore, viz. in an Inne.

A Gallant was brought before a merrie Recorder of Lon∣don for getting a maid with childe, and the Recorder said: It is a maruel (master N.) that you being a Gentleman of good qua∣lity, would venture to get maides with child: The Gentleman answered: Nay rather were it a maruell, if a maide had gotten me with child.

A Gallant entred into a young Noblemans chamber whiles he was a trimming, and said: What meanes your L. to haue to doe with this pack saddle groom? The barber answered: True (my Lord) for such a saddle indeed did I once make for his fa∣ther.

A Gallant bosted himselfe of much Worship and Gentrie in a place where he was not knowne: and it chaunced that hee and his Taylor squared about a bill of accompt, and he highlie vaunting his worship to the Tayler, sayde: Why Pesant, it seems, thou knowst not what Gentry means: Tel me, what is it? The Tailer answered, Yes, to be borne a hundred miles hence.

A poore creature beg'd almes of a Gallant, who gaue him a Tester. With that the begger said, that he would pray to god most truly for him. No (answered the Gallant) I pray thee pray for thy selfe, for I take no Almes-vsurie.

A young Master that had wasted a goodly inheritance in a verie short space, one said in mockage of him: Wheras earth v∣seth to cōsume al other men, this Gallant hath consumed earth.

A Portugall and a Spaniard fought, and by means of friends they were parted, and almost made friends. Then the Portugall said: I am contēt (sirs) at your earnest entreaties to let the villain liue, but as (I am a Gentleman,) Ile haue one limme or other of him, as a badge of my victorie.

A vaine Gallant ranne his head by chaunce against ano∣thers bellie, and the companie asking this other how he felt his bellie, he answered: Well, for a wind-bladder neuer giues great blowe.

An vnthrifty youth being brought to the last cast, challen∣ged in th' Arches a certaine rich Citizens daughter to wife, af∣firming, that they were at such a time, and in such a place con∣tracted together. Then the Iudge asked him, whether the mariage were neuer since consummated, yea or no? With that steps mee foorth the Maides Procter, and said: Yes (sir) his li∣uing is long agoe.

Two companions went to a wenching house, and the Lasse was not yet come according to appointment: wherupon one of them began in the meane time to conceipt the olde Vicca∣reste of that h••l, there present. Which th'other seeing, said vn∣to him: Are you so hungrie that you will eat vp the halter be∣fore the hay come.

A Gallant seeing himselfe worshipped at euery word in all places where he came, said vnto his hostesse that so beworshipt him: I pray thee hostesse, worship me no worships, would my worship were hang'd.

One asking a gallant where he lay anights, he answered: My lodging is like the point of a sagbot, that stil goes with the eie.

A yoong Maister was new come to his liuing, and his mo∣ther blaming his vnthriftines, all in a pelting chafe he sayd vn∣to her: Fayth (mother) taunt me so but once more, & for spight Ile sell ye all the land and liuing I haue. So may you doe well, Sonn (answered his mother,) yea and if you should sell it all but for sixe pence, yet should you be no looser therby, for it neuer cost you groate.

A presumptuous Gallant prickt vp vpon the Spanish Court gate a Tilt-challenge against all commers: A Lady asking her Paramour whether he would subscribe therunto, He answe∣red: No (Madam) no firme of mine, for, so fantasticall a body admits no impression, viz. Encounter.

An vpstart Gallant being determined to seeme the Gentle∣man, bought him halfe a dosen faire sutes of apparell, and put∣ting on the first day of his brauery a faire large veluet cloake, he look'd about him, and said: Me thinks this cloake stands no∣thing hansome vpon me: True (said a Gentleman that stood by) you may therfore doe well to begin with Taffeta first, and then fall to your veluet afterward.

A gallant was a boasting that he feared neither poxe nor plague: And an other adioyn'd, Nor God.

One commending an others huge strength, said: That if the world had an iron ring at it, he would lift it vp all.

A Gallant threatned one, saying: If thou offende me, Ile throw thee so high into the Element, that rather mayst thou feare famishing, then falling.

A Parish in the west Country called Lent was by fortune set on fire: and by chance a good fellow passing by at the same time, and seeing it, asked the Parishes name: They answered, Lent: Lent (quoth he) I pray ye then in with Fridayes and Sater∣dayes to, that the fire may consume them altogether.