Wits fittes and fancies Fronted and entermedled with presidentes of honour and wisdome. Also: Loves Ovvl. An idle conceited dialogue betwene loue, and an olde man. Recta securus. A. C.

OF GENTLEMEN.

A Gentleman asking a Dier, whether he could die his silk stockings of the collour of a womans honesty: Fie, said a Gentlewomā that stood by, what a question is that? Say you fie (repli'd the Gentleman) Beleeue me I had not thought a womans honesty had been of the collour of (Fie.)

A Sodomitical Gentleman walking in a Chu••chyard with an other poore Gentleman, whom he greatly disdained, and as∣king him where he would be buried when he were dead: The other answered: With you in Sodome.

Isabell Queen of Spaine, saying to a yong gentleman, whose father had before time sustained some iust disgrace at her high∣nes hands. I trow N. you wil trimly raise vp your house again, and make vs good amends for your fathers fault. He (being a silly sot) answered Yea, and like your Maiesty, one end of my barne indeed is sore decayed with the last windes, by reason that it stands somewhat high, but my mother hath promised me to be at the charge of that reparation.

A Gentleman sitting at a play, a Marchant by chaunce sate a∣fore him, whose hat was so high and broade, that it hindered his view of the play; wherupon he saide vnto him: My good ••riend, I beseech you doe off your hatte a while, for I assure you it will greatly benefite my eie-sight.

A Spanish Gentleman had a many Moores to his slaues, and in the winter time he kept them cold and bare: A Church-man rebuking such his vncharitie and hard heart, and saying that it was a shame vnto him: He answered▪: Passe they ouer the cold and Ile passe ouer the shame wel ynough.

A Gentleman in regarde of a Gentlewomans rude behaui∣our towards him, estranged himself for a season from conuer∣sing with her. Whereupon a friend of hers asking him on a time, why hee became so great a straunger to that house, hee answered: Because better is ciuill strangenesse, than rude fa∣miliarity.

A Gentleman riding along where sate a many Gentlewo∣men at the street doore, an vgly Mastiffe curre flewe at him: Whereupon the Gentleman desirous to view the Gentlewo∣men, took this as an occasion to turne back, and said vnto thē: Gentlewoman, this Curre is hell, and all you are heauen.

A Gentleman bespake a paire of shooes of a shoomaker, who at the monthes end brought them him: Whereat the Gentle∣man somwhat angry with his so long delay, say'd vnto him: Euē as you came (my friend) so be gone; for I weare not my shooes by your foot, but by mine owne.

On S. Steuens day it is the custome, all horses to be let bloud and drench'd. A Gentleman being that morning demaunded whether it pleased him to haue his horse let bloud and drencht according to the fashion. He answered: No sirra, my horse is not diseasd of the fashions.

A young Gentleman said vnto an olde Gentleman (who was but his equal both in linage, & liuing, and all other respects onely age excepted) Sir I beseech you let mee kisse your reue∣rend hand. Th'other was content, and offered it him to kisse: But the young Gentleman, seeing such his vanitie, only shooke him by the hand, and said: Good faith Sir, you and I against any other two.

A poore Gentleman that for wealths sake had maried a rich pesants daughter, compared such his mariage to a pudding, whereinto hee had put the bloud, and his Father in law the Chibbols.

A Ge••tleman came hungry home, and called for dinner, and his man answered: That it was but new stroken tenne. Tut

(said the Gentleman) tellest thou me of ten by the clocke, being twelue by my stomacke?

A poore Gentleman dying, had three faire haukes, which he thus disposed of: viz. Th'one to be sold for the benefit of his soule; th'other for the discharge of certain dribling debts; and the third to remaine to his sonne, whome he made his Execu∣tor. This good Executor within a while after missing one of the hawkes, sayd: So wel fare thy heart (hawke) be thou gone for my fathers soule.

A Gentleman being releast out of prison, the porter at par∣ting demanded his fee, and the Gentleman gaue him but a com¦mon prisoners fee, viz. three pence: Wherunto the Porter ex∣cepting, and challenging sixe pence. The Gentleman shaming belike to haue been prisoner for so foule a matter: answered: I am content thou take me for a pesant for this once.

A very ciuill Gentleman walking in conuersation with o∣ther his companions, stayd talking by the way with a plaine Cuntryman, who met him, and deliuered him a letter: And be∣cause his parly was somewhat long, th'others were disconten∣ted and walk'd on afore, leauing him behind, who at last ouer∣taking them, said: Gentlemen, it is no lesse honourable to an∣swere an inferiour, then to comply with an equall.

A yoong Gentleman that had followed the warres, com∣plained when he came home of the Sciatica: And being asked how he came by that ache, he answered: By lying in franke te∣nements, viz. Vpon the bare earth.

One asking a Gentleman his acquaintance what good hor∣ses he had, he answered: As stately a one as euer you saw. Th'o∣ther then desirous to see it, to the stable they went; where when they came, a piteous poore iade it was (God wot) of pure skin and bone But looking still about for the foresaid stately horse, and not seeing any such there, he maruelled, and often asked where he was become. Then th'other answered: Why loe heer where he standes (pointing to the poore lade) I warrant

yee (quoth he) that he goes not aboue halfe a mile an houre to dy for it, and can you haue a statelier horse then so?

A Gentleman seeing his man gallop a horse ilfauoredly, said vnto him: I assure thee (N.) thou doest not a whit discr••dit thy mother: The seruing man asking him how so Mary (quoth he) because when one doth a thing passing wel & with a good grace (as now thou doest) I haue hard it often said: The whor∣son hath done it passing wel.

A Nobleman came to the Courte with a gallant traine of golde-chaines after him: And one of his Gentlemen being as∣ked how it chanced that he had ne'r a chaine as wel as the rest: He answered: I doe not gnawe.

A vertuous Gentleman seeing a malicious person looke downe on the ground, and continue gazing thereon a good space, said: Questionlesse either some mischiefe is befallen yon∣der man, or some good to some other body.

A Gentleman that had been to see the Peake, trauelling the same day homeward again, alighted that night in an In: where, when hee was to goe to bed, a bonny-Lasse stepped into his chamber and offred him her seruice all night: Hee seeing her impudence, answered: I lift not (wench) to enter into the Peake twise in twelue houres: and so dismist her.

A Gentleman put out his mule to a Horse-courser to break and bid him make it a widdow-mule: The horse-courser mar∣uelling at such a tearme, demanded his meaning therein. Mary (sayd the Gentleman) a widdow hath these three good proper∣ties: she is fat, she feeds well, and she goes well, such a one would I haue you make my mule.

M. William Goring of Sussex had left him by Sir Henrie his fa∣ther a chest of treasure so close pyl'd vp together, that hard it was to finger out any one peece, much les••e to gripe out any. This Gentleman hauing lost the key of that chest, offered a lock-smith in bargaine for a new, eyther to take his full gripe of mony out of it, at the opening therof; or els to stand to the

bare price of his key. The Smith chose rather th' aduenture of his gripe: Whichwhen it came to passe, & that withal the iniu∣rie he did vnto his fingers, he could neither gripe, nor pick out any one peece: At last hee was faine to stand to the Gentlemans curtesie, who like a Gentleman requited his auarice with farre more bounty then the key was worth.

An Officer whose daughter was detected of dishonestie, and generally so reported, vpbraided a gentleman that his bro∣ther was a Papist, & therfore he himselfe haply not much bet∣ter. The Gent. hereunto answered: Aswell may an honest man haue a knaue to his brother, as an errāt whore to his daughter

A Gentleman accompanying on the way a great Commenda∣dor of Spaine, who wore a huge chaine about his necke, with a great S. Iames hanging downe his breast before; at parting this Gent. horse was so vnweldy, that he could not easily rule him, but still he ••risked and carabetted & crost the Commendador on the way: Wherupon the Commendador asking him, what his horse ayled, he answered: And like your Honour, he is like a Hackney iade, which wheresoeuer it sees a signe hang out, thinks strait it is an In, & will not passe it to die. So is it with my horse, and your Honours habit about your necke.

Two Gentlemen were at factions with one an other, & the one of thē sent his trusty seruant to an old Gent. his neighbor, to sollicit his partiality on his behalf: Wherunto the old Gent. made this answere, that he for his part, was rather sorie of their mutuall enmities (being both his very good neighbors) thē that he would any waies be a party therin, other then in way to at∣tone them to his power, & make them good friendes againe. The seruing-man deliuering this answere to his maister: The Gentleman all in a snuffe said: What an old foole is he, that will be angry with no body.

A Gent conuersing merrily among a many Gentlewomen, they said vnto him: Ware you speak no more such follies, for feare we bind you, he answered: Being your selues all loose wil you bind me?

A Spanish Gentleman was buying of Porke, and another that was not a Gentleman, but so seemed, came and cheapened it of the butcher, as though he meant to buy it out of th' others hand: Wherat the Gentleman half angry, said vnto him. Well seeing you come to cheapen my porke, Ile (sure) one of these dayes come cheapen your pease.

A poore Gentleman and a rich Cormougeon being at chol∣lericke tearmes with one another, the Churle ••ware that hee was as good a Gentleman as he. Euen so (repli'd the gent••eman) then I assure thee, I am the veriest pesant in the world:

A pick-thanke was telling a vertuous Gentleman, howe such a one spake ill of him behind his back in the presence of a great many Of a great many? (answered the gētleman) Beleue me, so I had rather one should say ill of mee before many, then many before one.

One told a Gentleman that his men tatled much disgrace of him behinde his backe He answered: Let them tattle what they list, and doe I what I list.

A Gentleman hearing theeues in the night time scaling his neighbours house, sayd: Harke how yonder poultry mount vp to their pearches.

A Gentleman of Tolledo hauing a peece of riche Taffeta brought him from a friend of his out of India, sent for a Mar∣chant to buy it of him: Who seeing it, and liking it well▪ tolde the gentleman, that if it pleased him to take saffron in exchange for it, he would gladly rid him of it: Wherunto the gentleman answered: Gramercy (my good friend) But know you not that my L. Cardinals grace is at this day Inquisitor general ouer all Spaine? Goe but to him, and obtaine of his Grace, that whereas Saffron is now most vsde in fry'd meates, he to en••oine all men to vse it hereafter in boil'd meats; and this being once granted and proclaimed, then come to mee againe, and I will shew you more of my mind.

One saying to a Gentleman: Sir, me thinks you haue built

your house wel for Summer, but not for winter: He answered: Belike you thinke I haue lesse wit then wilde geese, that cannot shift my abode with euery season.

There was a certaine poore Gentleman, who, in regard of his pouerty, euery one thowed, and not any vouchsafed him the title of Mastership: Wherupon one that noted it said: This argueth that neither God nor the K. euer created mastership.

One asking a Gentleman what he thought of one that was newly taken in adultery: He answered: Taken tarde.