The defence of conny catching. Or A confutation of those two iniurious pamphlets published by R.G. against the practitioners of many nimble-witted and mysticall sciences. By Cuthbert Cunny-catcher, licentiate in Whittington Colledge.

A pleasant tale of an Vsurer.

IT fortuned that a yoong gentleman not farre off from Cocker∣mouth, was somewhat sl••pt behind hand, and growne in debt, so that he durst hardly shew his head for feare of his creditors, and hauing wife and children to mai••taine, although he had a pr••per land, yet wanting money to s••ocke his ground, he liued very bare: whereupon he determined with himselfe to goe to an olde penny-father that dwelt hard by him, and so borrow some money of him, and so to lay his land in morgage for the repayment of it.

He no sooner made the motion but it was accepted, for it was a goodly Lorship, worth in rent of assise seuen score pound by the yeare, and did ab••ut vpon the Usurers ground, which drew the old churle to be maruellous willing to di••burse money, so that he was content to lende him two hundred markes for three yeare accor∣ding to the statute, so that he might haue the land for assurance of his money.

The ge••tleman agreed to that, and promised to acknowledge a statute staple to him, with letters of defeysance. The Usurer (al∣though he lik•• this wel, and s••w the yong man offere•• more than reason required) yet had a further setch to haue the land his what∣soeuer should chaunce, and therefore he began to verse vppon the poore Conny thus.

Sir (quoth he) if I did not pittie your estate, I would not lende you my money at such a ••ate: for whereas you haue it after ten

pounds in the hundred▪ I can make it worth thirtie. But seeing the distresse you your wife and children are in, and considering all growes through your owne liberall nature, I compassionate you the more, and would do for you as for mine owne sonne: therefore if you shal thinke good to follow it, I wil giue you fatherly aduise, I knowe you are greatly inde••ted, and haue many vnmercifull creditors, and they haue you in suit, and I doubt ere long wil haue some ex••ent against your lands, so shal you be vtterly vndone, and I greatly incumbred. Therefore to auoyd all this, in my iudge∣ment it were best for you to make a deed of gift of all your landes, without condition or promise, to some one faythful friend or other, in whom you may repose credite, so shal your enemies haue no aduauntage against you: and seeing they shall haue nothing but your bare body lyable to their executions, they wil take the more easie and speedy composition. I thinke this the surest way, and if you durst repose your selfe in me, God is my witnesse, I would be to you as your father if he liued. How say you to this compendi∣ous tale Maister R. G. ••••uld the proudest setter or verser in the world haue drawne on a Conny more cunningly?

Wel, againe to our yoong gentleman, who simply (with teares in his eyes to heare the kindnes of the Usurer) thankt him hartily, and deferred not to put in practise his counsell, for he made an ab∣solute deed of gift from wife and children to this Usurer of all his Lordshippe, and so had the two hundred markes vpon the playne forfait of a ••and.

To be short, the money made him and his merry, and yet he did hus••and it so wel, that he not onely duly paid the interest, but stockt his grounds, and began to grow out of debt, so that his creditors were willing to beare with him. Against the three yeares were ex∣pired, he made shift by the helpe of his friends for the money, and carryed it home to the Usurer, thanking him greatly, and crauing a returne of his deed of gift. Nay soft sir (sayth the olde Churle) that bargaine is yet to make, the land is mine to mee and mine heyres for euer, by a deed of gift from your owne hand, and what can be more sure: take the money if you please, and there is your band, but for the Lordship I wil enter on it to morrow: yet if you wil be ••y tenant, you shall haue it before another, aud that is all

the fauour you shal haue of me.

At this the Gentleman was amazed, and began to plead con∣science with him, but in vaine: whereuppon he went sorrowfully home and told his wife, who as a woman halfe lunatike ran with hir little children to his house, and cryed out, but bootlesse: For although they called him before the chiefe of the country, yet 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the law had graunted him the fee simple thereof he would not part withal: so that this distressed gentleman was faine to become te∣nant to this Usurer, and for two hundred marks to lofe a Lordship worth six or seuen thousand pounds. I pray you was not this an old Conycatcher M. R. G. that could lurtch a poore Conny of so many thousands at one time? whether is our cros••ing at cardes more perillous to the commonwelth than this cossenage for land? you winke at it, but I wil tel all, yet heare out the end of my tale, for as fortune fel out, the Usurer was made a Cony himselfe.

The gentleman and his wife smothering this with patience, she that had a reaching wit, & ha•••• brain reuenge in hir head, coun∣seld hir husband to make a voyage from home, & to stay a weeke or two: and (q. she) before you come againe you shal see mee venter faire for the land. The gentleman willing to let his wife practise hir wits, went his way, and left al to his wiues discretion. She af∣ter hir husband was foure or fiue dayes from home, was visited by the Usurer, who vsed hir very kindly, and sent victuals to hir house, promising to sup with hir that night, and that she should not want any thing in hir husbands absence. The gentl••woman with gratious acceptance thankt him, and bad diuers of hir neighbors to beare him company, hauing a further reatch in hir heade then he suspected. For the olde Churle comming an hower before Sup∣per time, euen as she hir selfe would wish, after an amorous wehe or two, as olde Iades wynnie when they cannot wagge the tayle, began to be very pleasant with his tenant, and desired her to shew him al the roomes in hir house, and happily (saith he) if I die with∣out issue, I may giue it to your children, for my conscience bids me be fauorable to you.

The gentlewoman lead him through euery part, and at last brought him into a backe roome much like a backhouse, where she ••aid thus vnto him.

Sir, this roome is the most vnhandsomest in all the house, but if there were a dormar built to it, and these shut windows made bay windows and glazd, it would make the properest parlour in al the house: for (saith she) put your head out at this window, and looke what a sweet prospect belongs vnto it.

The Usurer mistrusting nothing, thrust out his craftie sconce, and the Gentlewoman shut to the windowe, and called her maids to helpe, where they bound and pinyond the caterpillers armes fast, and then stood he with his head into a backeyard, as if he had beene on a pillory, and struggle he durst not for stifling himselfe. When she had him thus at the vauntage, she got a couple of sixe peny nayles and a hammer, and went into the yard, hauing her children attending vpon her, euery one with a sharpe knife in theyr handes, and then comming to him with a sterne countenance, shee looked as Medea did when she attempted reuenge against Iason. The Usurer seeing this tragedie, was afraid of his life, and cryed out, but in vaine, for her maydes made such a noyse, that his ••hr••∣king could not be heard, whilest she nayled one ea••e fast to the win∣dowe, and the other to the stanshel, then began she to vse these words vnto him.

Ah vile and iniurious caterpiller, God hath sent thee to seeke thine owne reuenge, and now I and my children wil performe it. For sith thy wealth doth so couutenance thee, that we cannot haue thee punisht for thy coossenage, I my selfe wil bee Iustice, Iudge, and Executioner: for as the Pillory belongs to such a villaine, so haue I nayled thy eares and they shal be cut off to the perpetuall example of such purloining reprobates, and the executers shal bee these little infants, whose right without conscience or mercie thou so wrongfully deteinest. Looke on this old Churle litle babes. this is he that with his coossenage wil driue you to beg and want in your age, and at this instant brings your Father to all this pre∣sent miserie, haue no pittie vppon him, but you two cut off his eares, and thou (quoth she to the eldest) cut off his nose, and so be reuenged on the villaine whatsoeuer fortune me for my labour. At this the Usurer cryed out, and bad her stay her children, and hee would restore the house & land again to hir husband. I cannot be∣leeue thee base churle q. she, for thou that wouldst periure thy selfe

against so honest a Gentleman as my husband, wil not sticke to for∣sweare thy selfe were thou at liberty and therefore I wil mangle thee to the vttermost. As thus she was ready to haue her children fal vpon him, one of hir maydes came running in, and told her, her neighbors were came to supper: bid them come in, quoth she, and behold this spectacle. Although the Usurer was passing loath to haue his neighbors see him thus tyranously vsed, yet in they came, and when they saw him thus mannerly in a new made pillory, and his eares fast nayled, some wondred, some laught, and all stood a∣mazed, till the Gentlewoman discourst to them all the coosenage, and how she meant to be reuenged: some of them perswaded her to let him go, others were silent, and some bad him confesse: he hea∣ring them debate the matter, and not to offer to helpe him, cryed out: why, and stand you staring on me neighbors, and wil not you saue my life? No quoth the Gentlewoman, he or she that stirs to helpe thee shal pay dearely for it, and therefore my boyes, off with his eares: then he cryed out, but stay, and he would confesse all, when from point to point he rehearst how he had coossened hir hus∣band by a deed of gift only made to him in trust, and there was con∣tent to giue him the two hundreth markes freely for amends, and to yeeld vp before any men of worship the land againe into his pos∣session, and vpon that he bad them all beare witnes. Then the gen∣tlewoman let loose his eares, and let slip his head, and away went he home with his bloody lugges, and tarryed not to take part of the meat he had sent, but the gentlewoman & her neighbors made merry therwith, and laught hartily at the vsage of the vsurer. The next day it was bruted abroad, and came to the eares of the wor∣shipful of the country, who sate in commission vppon it, and found out the coossenage of the Usurer, so they praised the witte of the Gentlewoman, restored her husband to the land, and the old churle remained in discredit, and was a laughing stocke to all the country all his life after.

I pray you what say you to Mounser the Miller with the gil∣den thumbe, whether thinke you him a Conny catcher or no? that rob•• euery poore man of his meale and corne, and takes towle at his owne pleasure, how many Conyes doth hee take vp in a yeare? for when he brings them wheat to the Mill, he sels them meale of

their owne corne in the market. Iomi•• Miles the Millers coosse∣nage for wenching affaires, as no doubt in these causes they bee mighty Cony-catchers, and meane to speake of their pollicie in ••••ltching and stealing of meale. For you must note, that our iolly M••ller doth not only verse vpon the poore and rich for their towle, but hath false hoppers conueyed vnder the fal of his Mill, where al the best of the meale runs by, this is, if the partie be by that brin∣geth the corne: but because many men haue many eyes, the Mil∣ler will driue them off for their griest for a day or two, and then he playes his pranks at his owne pleasure. I need not tel that stale ••east of the Gentlemans Miller that kept Court and Leet once e∣uery weeke, and vsed to set in euery sacke a candle, ••nd so summon the owners ••o appeare by their names, if they came not, as they were farre inough from that place, then he amerced them, and so tooke treple towle of euery sacke. One night amongst the rest, the Gentleman his maister was vnder the Mill, and heard all his knau••ry, how euery one was called, and paid his amerciament, at last he heard his owne name called, and then stepping vp the Lad∣der, he had stay, for he was there to make his appearance. I do i∣magine that the Miller was blanke, and perhaps his Maister cal∣led him knaue, but the For the more he is curst the better he fares, and the oftener the Miller is called theefe, the richer the waxeth: and therefore doe men rightly by a by word did the Miller put out, and if he asketh what, they say a theeues head and a theeues paire of eares: for such graund Cony-catchers are these Millers, that he that cannot verse vpon a poore mans lacke, is said to be borne with a golden thumbe. But that you may see more plainly theyr knauery, Ile tel you a pleasant tale, performed not many yeares since by a Miller in Enfield Mil, ten miles from London, and an Alewiues boy of Edmondton, but because they are al at this pre∣sent aliue, I wil conceale their names, but thus it fel out.