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Yes, what of that?
I know his Father will be m••ou'd past 〈◊〉〈◊〉.
Where is the place?
Heauen send my speed be equall with my hast.
See where he comes.
God saue you louely Ladies.
Tush man where are your dice? lets fall to them.
We haue bin at am, Drawer, call for more.
I am well pl••asd.
You shall haue such as we can get you sir.
Let's haue some Dice: I pray thee, they are clenly▪
Page, L••t mee see that 〈◊〉〈◊〉▪
Itis not Leafe Sir, Tis pudding cane Ta••
But I meane, your ••slock sir, what lease is that I pray
I pray you see sir, for I cannot read.
Well, th'old verse is, A Ap••tibus incipe io-••.
Well Ladies heere is to your honourd healths.
What Dariotto, without hat or knee?
Nay pray you, lets take it by degrees Ualerio; on our feete first, for this will bring's too soone vpon our 〈◊〉〈◊〉.
Well Sir, heere's to the Ladies on my knees.
Ile be their pledge.
Hee shall not, I will gi•• him this ad••antage.
How now? whats h••re are these the Officers?
Slight, I would all were well.
Health to Gazetta, Poyson to her husband.
Excellent Guestes: these are my dayly Guestes.
Sett mee, doe you know what belongs to setting?
What a dull slaue was I to be thus gull'd.
Come, lets sett him round.
••e pledge it, and his health Valeri••.
Heere's a good Husband.
I pray you haue patience Sir.
Now haue at all, an'••were a thousand pound.
Hold Sir, I barr the Dice.
For as much V••lerius as euery thing has time, and a Pudding has two: yet ought not satisfaction to swerue so much from defalcation of well dispos'd people, as that indemnitie should preiudice what securitie doth insinuate: a try all yet once againe.
Heere's a good Infant.
Father, hee comes vpon you▪
Heere's a Sonne.
Whose wife is Gratiana now I pray?
Tis too too plaine▪
Why Sir, do you suspect it the more for that?
Why not Sir, To blind my eyes?
Why are you so thankfull?
Better, and better.
That I will gladlie, and he shalbe rul'd good Cornelio: I haue heard of your wayward Ielosie, and I must tell you plaine as a friend, y'are an Asse: you must pardon me, I knew your Father.
Then you must pardon him, indeed Sir.
Vnderstand mee: put case Dariotto lo••'d your wife, whereby you would seeme to refuse her; would you desire to haue such a Wife as no man could loue but your selfe?
Answere but that Cornelio.
Vnderstand mee: Say Dariotto hath kist your wife, or perform'de other offices of that nature, whereby they did conuerse togeather at bedd and at boord, as friendes may seeme to doe:
Marke but the now vnderstand mee.
Yet if there come no proofes, but that her actions were cleanlie, or indiscreete priuate, why t'was a signe of modestie: and will you blow 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Horne your selfe, when you may keepe it to your selfe? Goe to, you are a Foole, vnderstand mee?
Doe vnderstand him Corneli••.
Nay Cornalio I tell you againe, I knew your Father; Hee was a wise Gentleman, and so was your Mother: mee thinkes I see her yet, a lustie stoute Woman, bore great Chil∣dren, you were the verie skundrell of am all; but let that passe: As for your Mother, shee was wise, a most slippant tong••e she had, and could set out her Taile with as good grace as any shee in Florence, come cut and long-tayle; and she was honest enough too: But yet by your leaue she would tickle Dob now and then, as well as the best on am; By Ioue it's true Cornelio, I speake it not to slatter you: your Fa∣ther knew it well enough, and would he do as you do thinke you? set Rascalles to vndermine her, or looke to her water, (as they say)? No, when he saw twas but her humour (for his owne quietnesse sake) h••e made a Backe-doore to his house for conuenience, gott a Bell to his fore doore, and had an odd fashion in ringing, by which shee and her Mayde knew him; and would stand talking to his next neighbour to pro∣long time, that all thinges might be ridde clenly out a the way before he came, for the credite of his Wi••e: This was wisedome now, for a mans owne-quiet.
Heere was a man Cornelio.
What I say? Young men thinke old men are fooles; but old men know young men are fooles.
Why harke you, you two Knights; Doe you thinke I will forsake Gazetta?
And will you not?
Why theet's your wisedome; why did I make shew of Diuorce thinke you?
Pray you why Sir?
Onelie to bridle her stout stomack: and how did I draw on the cullour for my diuorce? I did traine the Wood∣cocke Dariotto into the net, drew him to my house, gaue him opportunitie with my wife (as you say my Father dealt with his wiues friendes) onely to traine him in: let him alone with my wife in her bed-chamber; and sometimes founde him a bedd with her, and went my way backe againe softlie, onelie to draw him into the Pitte.
This was well handled in deed Cornelio.
I marrie Sir, now I commend your wisedome.
Why, if I had been so minded as you thinke, I could haue flung his Pantable downe the staires, or doone him some other disgrace: but I winckt at it, and drew on the good foole more and more, onelie to bring him within my com∣passe.
Why, this was pollicie in graine.
And now shal the world see I am as wise as my father.
Is't come to this? then will I make a speech in praise of this reconcilement, including therein the praise and honor of the most fashionable and autenticall HORNE: stande close Gentles, and be silent.
Come on, lets heare his wit in this potable humour.
THe course of the world (like the life of man) is said to be deuided into seuerall ages: As wee into Infancie, Childhood, Youth, and so forward to Old-age: So the World into the Golden age, the Siluer, the Brasse, the
Iron, the Leaden, the Wooden; and now into this present age, which wee tearme the Hornedage: not that but former ages haue inioyde this ben••ite as well as our times; but that in ours it is more common, and neuerthelesse pretious. It is said, that in the Golden age of the world, the vse of Gold was not then knowne: an argument of the simplicitie of that age, least therefore succeeding ages should hereafter impute the same fault to vs, which wee lay vpon the ••irst age; that wee liuing in the Horned age of the world, should not vnder∣stand the vse, the vertue, the honour, and the very royaltie of the Horne; I will in briefe sound the prayses thereof, that they who are alreadie in possession of it, may beare their heades alost, as beeing proud of such loftie a cowtrementes: And they that are but in possibilitie, may be rauisht with a desire to bein possession.
A Trophey so honorable, and vnmatchably powerfull, that it is able to raise any man from a Beggar to an Empe∣rours fellow, a Dukes fellow, a Noble-mans fellow, Alder∣mans fellow; so glorious, that it deserues to be worne (by most opinions) in the most conspicuous place about a man: For what worthier Crest can you beare then the Horne? which if it might be seene with our mortall eyes, what a wonderfull spectacle would there be? and how highly they would rauish the beholders? But their substaunce is incorporall, not falling vnder sence, nor mixt of the grosse concretion of Elementes, but a quintessence beyond them; a spirituall essence inuisible, and euerlasting.
And this hath been the cause that many men haue called their beeing in question, whether there be such a thing in verum na••ura, or not; because they are not to be seene: as though nothing were that were not to be seene? Who euer saw the Winde? yet what wonderfull ••ffectes are seene of it? It driues the cloudes, yet no man sees it: It rockes the House, beares downe Trees, Castles, Steeples, yet who sees it? In like sort does your Horne, it swelles the Forehead, yet none sees it: it rockes the Cradle, yet none sees it: so that you
plainely perceiue Sence, is no Iudge of Essence. The Moone to any mans sence, seemes to be Horned; yet who knowes not the Moone to be euer perfectly round: So likewise your Heades seeme euer to be round, when in deed they are often∣times Horned: for their originall, it is vnsearchable: Natu∣rall they are not; for there is Beast borne with Hornes, more then with Teeth: Created they were not, for Ex nihilo nihil sit; Then will you aske mee, How came they into the world? I know not; but I am sure Women brought them into this part of the world, howsoeuer some Doctors are of opinion that they came in with the Diuell: and not vnlike; for, as the Diuell brought Sinne into the worlde; but the Woman brought it to the Man: so it may very well be that the Diuell brought Hornes into the world; but the Woman brought them to the man,
For their power it is generall ouer the world, no Nation so barbarous, no Countrey so proude, but doth equall ho∣mage to the Horne. Europa when shee was carried through the Sea by the S••turnian Bull, was said (for feare of falling) to haue held by the Horne: and what is this but a plaine shewing to vs, that all Europa, which tooke name from that Europa, should likewise hold by the Horne: So that I say, it is vniuer∣sall ouer the sace of the world, general ouer the face of Europe, and common ouer the face of this Countrey. What Cittie, what Towne, what Village, what Streete? nay what House can quit it selfe of this prerogatiue? I haue read that the Lion once made a Proclamation through all the Forrest, that all Horned Beastes should depart foorthwith vpon paine of death: If this Proclamation should be made through our Forrest, Lord what pressing, what running, what slying, would there be euen from all the parts of it? he that had but a bunch of Flesh in his head would away: and some foolishly fearefull, would imagine the shadow of his Eares to be Hornes: Ahlas how desart woul•• this Forrest be left?
To conclude for there force it is irreu••table, for were they not irreuitable, then might eyther propernesse of person secure a man, or wisedome preuent am; or greatnesse exempt, or riches redeeme them, but present experience hath taught vs, that in this case, all these stand in no steade: for we see the properst men take part of them, the best wits cannot auoide them (for then should Poets be no cuckolds) nor can money redeeme them, for then would rich-men fine for their hornes, as they do for offices: But this is held for a maxime, that there are more rich cuckolds then poore, lastly for continuance of the horne it is vndeterminable till death: Neither doe they determine with the wiues death, (howsoeuer ignorant writers holde o∣pinion they doe) For as when a knight dies, his Ladie still re∣taines the title of Ladie; when a company is cast yet the Captaine still retaines the title of Captaine; So though the wife die by whom this title came to her husband, yet by the curtesie of the City, he shalbe a cuckold during life, let all igno∣rant asses prate what they list.
And you sir come, ioyne hands, y'are one amongst thē.