The Booke of bulls, baited with two centuries of bold jests, and nimble-lies, or, A Combat betweene sence and non-sence, being at strife who shall infuse most myrth into the gentle-reader a treatise in variety of pleasure second to none ever yet printed in the English-tongue : wherein is contained nothing alreadie published / collected by A.S. Gent.

Of the Duke of Lerma.

THe Duke of Lerma in Spaine used still in way of Magnificency and State, when he wash't before a meale, to give a Ring to him that held the Bason, and another to him that held the Ewre. One din∣ner amongst the rest, having on his finger a Diamond of great value, hee made this publicke proposition, that hee of that

company who could make the saddest relation of his importu∣nitie in love should have the Ring. Wherupon a Gentleman there present tooke him at his offer, & thus begā. May it pleas your Grace to uuderstand that I a long time served two Mist∣resses, a faire, & a foule, a sweet Lady, and forlorn despaire; for she whom I infinitely loved, ha∣ted mee as much. At length being utterly uoid of all hope of comfort, I gave my selfe wholy over to sorrow and soli∣tude, who delivered me to a vi∣olent Feavor, which (as the Phy¦sitiās) told my friend could not end but by my death, my cruell faire one loving mee (though for some ends she had long con∣ce••ld that soft passion) and hea∣ring

to what weaknesse I was reduc't, came to visit mee, and smothering no longer her flame, professed how violent∣ly shee affected mee, and how sorry she was her coynesse had brought mee to that extre∣mitie. No Cordiall could so revive my Spirits, neither Ju∣lip so allay my unnaturall heat, as did her mellifluous words. So that in a short time I reco∣vered my strength; when her father hearing of our love, and vowed to crosse it, lock't her up from my sight, but finding, that doe what hee could, wee privatly conveighed messages to one another, hee animated another sutor of hers to fight with me, knowing no hatred to equall that of a Rivall. To bee

briefe, wee fought, and I kil'd him, and (the Law against Du∣els being severely executed) I fled my countrey, hoping in time my friends would procure my Pardon. And to make my misery compleat, in my absence the Father of my Mistresse, for∣ced her by bitter usage to mar∣ry an old rotten Count his neighbour. Now if your Grace doe judge my calamitie can re∣ceive addition, and that my af∣flictions lay not claime to your Ring, as being the greatest hu∣mane nature can under-goe, you may bee pleased better to place it then on wtetched mee. Hee had no sooner ended his speech, but another thus began. Great Prince, I must begin my mournefull story where this

Gentleman ends his. Hee re∣ceiving at once both a pardon for the murther, and a letter from his Mistresse to make hast into her imbraces, the Coūt her husbād being gone a long jour∣ney, hee desired mee to associ∣ate him in this pleasing jour∣ney, and I willingly yeelded to his invitation; At length wee arrived at the old Counts Ca∣stle, where his Mistresse met him with the same joy & glad∣nesse with which the Spring welcomes the Sunne. Long did their Kisses interrupt their speech, which at length brake out into unfained protestati∣ons how much their past mise∣ries had endear'd each to other: When they had chatted their f••ll, to Supper wee went, which

finish'd a banquet succeeded for varietie of tast, and lovelinesse of colour, second to none that ever ravisht the pallat or the eye. This ended, one comes in and rounds the Countesse in the eare; whereat she changed colour, and cried out shee was undone for ever, unlesse I did her that friendly office, which should engage her to mee du∣ring life. To this I answered, I earnestly desir'd to receive that greatest Honour of dying in her service: whereupon shee told me that the old Count her husband was come home, and newly gone to bed, being very weary, & expected her cōming. Now Sir, said shee, so it stands with mee that I dare not trust any of my maides with a secret,

because none of my house know of my servants being here but you and my fairest sister. May it please you there∣fore about an houre hence to put on one of my Coives, and one of my Smocks, and to go to bed to my husband, who I be∣leeve will bee asleepe before you come; if hee be not, all hee will doe to you will bee to stroke your cheekes, and kisse you; for any other dalliance you need not feare him. Your Chin is smooth, and he will as∣suredly, not onely take you for a woman, but for mee. Thus shall I, and my deare servant owe the fruition of all loves delights to you alone. Well, I was not onely attentive, but obedient to her request, and

into the supposed bed of the old Count I went, where I was no sooner laid but I heard him breath, and felt him stirre, and move towards mee, whereat (my heart being oppressed with the feare of his loathsom touch) I shrunke halfe out of the bed, and so lay all night. Towards morning I prepared to be gone, when on a suddaine my friend, and the Countesse came dan∣cing into the chamber he in his shirt, and shee in her smocke, my sovle being at the instant divided betweene feare of be∣ing detected, and wonder at their daring, they came to the bed side, holding each of them a ••apour in their hand, & draw∣ing the curtaines, shewed mee the lamentable errovr I had lay∣en

in all night, in taking her beautifull Sister (the fairest of her sexe) for the old Count her Husband. Truely worthy Prince, when with admiration I beheld her beauty! and con∣sidered the losse of such an op∣pertunity, I could hardly re∣frain from laying violent hands on my selfe. For my friend, hee obtained the wished end, of love; enjoying, but I was once unwittingly neare possession of all those sweets: which now are more, and more remote from mee, so that I must give my selfe wholy over into the Tyranny of restlesse desire, whose fierce flames will con∣sume me to a cinder. His speech comming to a period, the Duke sayd, they both had deserved

much, but the yong Lady the Counts sister should have the Ring, because she was so neare a good turne, and mist it. This sentence of his was applauded, not without laughter by al the company.