The pisse-prophet, or, Certaine pisse-pot lectures Wherein are newly discovered the old fallacies, deceit, and jugling of the pisse-pot science, used by all those (whether quacks and empiricks, or other methodicall physicians) who pretend knowledge of diseases, by the urine, in giving judgement of the same. By Tho. Brian, M.P. lately in the citie of London, and now in Colchester in Essex. Never heretofore published by any man in the English tongue.

CHAP. VI. (Book 6)

After what manner (if divers Pisse-messengers come together) they must be examined: How to shew (by the Vrine) the Sexe, whether a woman be with child or no, how long it is since she conceived of it, and whether she s••all bring forth a boy, or a girle, although the Vrine shew none of all these.

AND now I am in my Study indeed, and you thinke (I suppose) at my booke in earnest consultation with Hippocrates, or Galen, or some other learned Physicke Authour; but, if I be looking upon any booke at all, it shall rather be Gordo••ius his tractate of the Cautions of Urines, wherein hee teacheth a Physician, (though I thinke his intention was to teach him not to be deceived by the Urine) to deceive the people by the same: otherwise I am meditating how to handle every Pisse-pot-bearer upon any occasion whatsoever: and my minde being now set more upon the benefit that comes to my selfe by the Pisse-pot, than to others by my study, I minde my gate or doore more than my booke, though I am in my Study (where haply, my name being up, I have a bed and am lying upon it, and should have laine there till noone, had I not been interrupted) and heare a great knocking at my gate, and must my selfe (in my mans absence)

be faine to goe see what the matter is: so to my gate I trudge, in all precipitious hast, with a quicke pace and a sharpe looke, importing grea∣ter busines than to examine a Pisse-pot, where I finde three or foure Pisse-messengers at once, (with their Urinals under their aprons) whom I usher into my Hall, and there begin (before I take them aside, apart, to Lecture upon their wa∣ters) to looke very sternely upon them, and aske them very hastily, (to the end that I may dash them so farre out of countenance, that they may not be capable of conceiving whether I erre or no in giving my judgement on their waters, and to make them the more ready to tell me whatsoever I shall demand of them) what they would with me, where they live, whose water it is for whom they come, &c. And they are all ready to present me their waters, looking who shall be dispatched first: but before I take any of their Urinals of them, I sound them how farre I shall be puzled with them, dispatching them first, that I shall be least troubled withall. To the first therefore I say, where live you? and she answers, at such a place, naming it: I further aske her whose water it is? and she saith her Mistresses: I aske her also who is her Mistresse, to which she answeres me very orderly, and is now ready to put foorth her Uri∣nall unto me, but I doe not yet take it, nor I aske her no more questions, for she will be ready to tell me whatsoever I shall demand: I come therefore to a second, and aske her where she dwells, and

(she having told me) I likewise aske her whose water it is that she hath brought, and she saith a Gentlewomans, who desired her to bring it unto me, and she is ready to give me her Urinall, but I refuse it: I goe now to a third, and aske her (for they are for the most part, She-pisse-bearers in a great Towne or City) where she dwells, and that she is contented to tell me: but when I aske her whose water it is, shee pauseth here, and begins to make a doubt whether she were best to tell me that, or no; and therefore answers, that it is a friends of hers: I then aske her what friends it is, and whether it be a mans or a womans water; and she tells me, that I shall perceive that by the wa∣ter, (thinking that I can or ought to do so indeed) when I looke upon it, and holds forth her Urinall unto me, in hope that I will dispatch her first, but I refuse to take it, for I am like to be puzled with her, and it will require more time and Art to an∣swer her than both the other, and therefore shee shall tarry to be the last answered for that tricke. I now therefore take the Urinall of her that told me that it was her Mistresse water, and single her out from her fellowes, and bid her follow me in∣to another roome (for I must not let severall mes∣sengers heare what I say to each other) because I may chance to stop two gaps with one bush, and to give the same answer and description of the dis∣ease to them all three, (and indeed one descrip∣tion will as well serve for all Chronicall diseases, as the description of a Fever for all violent disea∣ses,

as I have shewed you) and then they would thinke that I puld the bush out of one gap to put it into another, and that I could say nothing else. I having therefore tooke the maid into another roome, bid her come to the light, and as I am ta∣king the Urinall out of the case (perceiving it to be of a subcitrine or pale colour, which seeme not to import any disease) I presently say; maid, thy Mistresse goes up and downe: and she answers, yes forsooth; and imagines no lesse now, but that I perceive the Idea or shape of her Mistresse in the water, and thinks that I can tell any thing else by the same, so that I shall not now need to trou∣ble my selfe in asking her any more questions, for she tells me that her Mistresse goes up and downe indeed, and that I had said very right, and tells me that her Mistresse desired that I would certifie her whether she were with child, or no; so I now set downe the Urinall in the window, and tell her that it must stand so a little while, and settle, and then I will tell her presently.* 1.1 In the meane time, I fall to parley with the maid, and aske her whe∣ther her Mistresse have had any child or no, and how long (if she have) it is since she had one; and she saith, a yeere, a yeere and an halfe, or al∣most two yeeres: and (indeed) most childing wo∣men goe a yeere, or neere upon, and many a yeere and halfe, and some two yeeres before they con∣ceive with child againe, especially if they nurse their children themselves. I aske her likewise, if she can tell whether her Mistresse have her natu∣rall

courses monthly or no, or when she had them; to which 〈◊〉〈◊〉 answers, that her Mistresse bid her tell me, that shee hath not had them this tenne weekes, and therefore tells me that shee thinks she is with child, but would desire me to resolve her:* 1.2 And I may quickly doe it without any more looking upon the water, for the tale (that this wench hath told) shewes plainly that she is with child, and the sodaine stopping of the courses in a marryed woman (that enjoyed them monthly before) is the most certaine token in the world, that I know, that a woman is vvith child: it is likevvise the aptest time for a vvoman to conceive immediatly after she hath had them, neither can I nor any other Physician tell, but by this token, (vvhich is the most certaine of all the rest) agree∣ing vvith other signes of conception, vvhich the vvater shevves not, vvhether a vvoman be vvith child or no, and yet for fashion sake, I take the Urinall in my hand againe, and fall to peering in∣to it (as though I looked for some little child there) And say now to the maid that her Mistresse is not very well in her stomach,* 1.3 hath no appetite to meate, is ill in her stomach in a morning, and apt to vomit after meat (and so are most childing women at this time) and say, that she is a quarter gone with child, which jumps just with tenne weeks, according to the common computation of a womans go in forty weeks: but doe not say, that she is tenne weeks with child, or just so long as since shee had her naturall courses last, for that

would make them so cunning (in time) that they would not send their waters to a Doctour to cast, to know whether they were with child or no, but I say, she is a quarter gone with child, which is but as much as to have said she is tenne weekes with child, or just so long as since shee had her courses last, which was (as the maid told me) ten weeks agoe. I further say, that shee is with child of a boy, and to say so, is an even lay; yet, lest it should prove false,* 1.4 I say (looking upon the water very earnestly) that if it had beene brought when it had beene warme, or when she had been quick with child, or some such like flamme, I could have told her certainely whether shee were with child of a boy, or of a girle, but I verily thinke it will be a boy; so now, if it chance to be a boy indeed, it will be granted that I knew for certaine that it would be a boy, and I shall be accounted one of the rarest Doctours in the Town; but if it chance to be a girle, the flamme, that I gave to the maid, and the truth of my predictions in determining the Gentlewoman to be with child, and telling her how long she was gone with child, will help to beare out the other, so that I shall not have my skill one jot abated thereby. I now therefore tell the maid, (as if she had come in but now) that her Mistresse is not very well in her stomach, hath no appetite to meat, is inclinning to vomit after meat, is with child a quarter gone, (and as I thinke) of a boy, and that it were very convenient for her to take some corroborating Electuary to strengthen

and settle her stomach though she be with child, nay, I tell her that it will be good, not only for her, but for her child also, and I bid her tell her Mistresse, that it will make her child to prosper the better within her, and make it the more lively, so that she shall be the better able to bring it forth with the more ease; nay, I tell her that it will make her bring forth the more wise and understanding child. And so I have done with the maid, bid her remember me to her Mistresse, and be sure to tell her what I had said: and now I am sure that I shall get a fee for my selfe, and a feeling for mine Apo∣thecarie; for what woman (being with child) would not have it to prosper within her? but would she not more gladly bring it forth with ease, and most gladly (it being brought forth) have it prove a wise and understanding child? I dare say she would, though for no other end but (meerely out of pride and emulation) to have it wiser (that is wittier, and more sharpe-vvitted) than her neighbours, and not so much out of de∣sire that it should attaine true wisedome; but whatsoever her drift be, it skills not; I must be∣thinke my selfe of something to performe that which I promised, for this Gentlewoman will re∣paire unto me for such an Electuary as I spake of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 to which purpose I have the most admirable re∣ceipt in the world, learned it of a proud gos∣sip very lately, into whose company I light bychance who was very inquisitive to learne where shee might get some Quinces, and in a proud

scornefull manner questioned with me concer∣ning the nature and vertue of them: who told her that they did corroborate the stomach, and were cooling and restringent, and therefore good against vomiting, and fluxes; at which shee see∣med to scorn, and said, that she had heard a learned Doctour say, that they being eaten of a great bel∣lied-woman, would make her bring forth a wise child, as if I could not as well tell how fa••re they conduce to the producing of a wise child as her learned Doctour. But suppose Marmalade, or some other confection of Quinces alone to be ad∣mirable for the purpose, yet I have learned more wit than to tell this Gentlewoman so, or to give her a boxe of Marmalade, and bid her eate often of it in the morning fasting, and before and after meate, no, she would then under-value my skill, and scarce thinke me worthy of a fee; but I pre∣scribe her an Electuary, wherein Marmalade, or some other confection of Quinces is the chiefe in∣gredient, but I mixe therewithall some species or conserves to seeme to prescribe some rare curious thing though Marmalade alone would have done as well: I shall serve this Gentlewoman even so, and shall prescribe her such an Electuary, which may haply stay her vomitting, and corroborate her stomach, so as she may have a better appetite to meate, and her child may become the more lively and prosper the better within her; but whether it will make the child so wise as to knovv its ovvne father or no, I knovv not; I dare not

promise: but let her novv send vvhen shee vvill, for I am provided for her; and so I have done vvith her maid, and sent her away, and am ready to encounter with the second (and to send her away as wise as shee came) who told me that it was a Gentlewomans water that shee had brought.

Notes

• * 1.1

  Ordinary times of conception.
• * 1.2

  The signe of conception in married women.
• * 1.3

  Other signes of the same.
• * 1.4

  How you are to deale with those who desire to be resol∣ved whether the child is like to be a boy or a girle.