The pisse-prophet, or, Certaine pisse-pot lectures Wherein are newly discovered the old fallacies, deceit, and jugling of the pisse-pot science, used by all those (whether quacks and empiricks, or other methodicall physicians) who pretend knowledge of diseases, by the urine, in giving judgement of the same. By Tho. Brian, M.P. lately in the citie of London, and now in Colchester in Essex. Never heretofore published by any man in the English tongue.

CHAP. IV. (Book 4)

The rude simplicity of such as send their Ʋrine un∣to a Physician without any instructions how the party is affected: And the desperate haz∣zard, that they put their lives in, who adventure to take Physicke prescribed only by the sight of the Ʋrine.

NOw this messenger is as rough-hewed as he that sent him and is a very plain fellow in his holy-day Jacket and his busking Hose; he was call'd from making of Faggots, or from thrashing, to goe to the Doctour and carry this Pisse that is put up in the Vinegar bottle, and brought to me to judge of; and it is a very turbid water of a very high, darke, red colour, by which as also by the messenger, (for I can better tell, by the messenger, his gesture, time of comming, haste to be gone, and other circumstances, what the partie ayleth, how long he hath beene sicke, and whether it be a mans or womans water, than I or any Physician can doe by the Urine, especially if I lived in a Towne or Citie where I had much Country practice) I conceive it to be some Coun∣trie Farmers, his sonnes, or mans, his Hubber de hoy which is his man-boy, or halfe a man and halfe a boy: But which of them soever it be, hee hath

borne it out with head and shoulders (for so your Country people use to doe before they send to a Doctour) and wrastled so long with the disease, and been so often foyled out, for they doe not ob∣serve the orders in Moore or Lincolns-Inne fields, where if a man be three times foyled out, it is to stand for a fall, and he is to wrastle no more for that time, as that he can no longer stand, and yet he is to have one bout more with the disease who hath a cruell second in this Duell, even death it selfe: And now (if nature be not assisted by Art) this fellow, whose second I must be, is like to be put to the worst, and the disease is like to give him a flat fall upon his backe in his Grave, never to rise againe untill the resurrection. Therefore if I have any skill, I must shew it now or never: I now therefore take the water to examine it, and thinke to question with this messenger (as with the former) How long the partie hath been sicke, whose water it was, and to put him such other questions as might shew me such other circum∣stances which might shew mee the disease, and guide me in the prescribing fit remedies for the same; but he cannot answer mee one question, not whose water it is, nor how long the party hath been sicke, no nor whether it be a mans or a wo∣mans water; much lesse the constitution of the body, the present strength of it at this time, or whether the partie be bound or loose in his body, with divers other such circumstances, all the which are so necessary for me to know, as that

without the knowledge thereof I cannot safely prescribe any Physicke, and yet this fellow can∣not tell me one word, for he saith that he was not told, but was onely hired to bring me the water, and to bid me send something to help the partie, and hath brought eighteene pence or two shil∣lings with him to pay for that which I shall pre∣scribe or send; and all that he can say, is, that such a mans servant came to him to get him to come, but did not tell him whose water it was, nor how long the partie had beene sicke. And now what, on Gods Name, shall I doe in this case, for it is presumed that I know the disease by the water, and all other circumstances belonging to the same, which are requisite for to guide me in the prescribing of fit remedies, and I have pretended as much, and holpen to nurse up folkes in this folly, (as other Physicians have done before mee) by giving my judgement of diseases by the sight of the Urine, and backing my pretended know∣ledge by such fallacies as I have spoken of, with∣out the which neither I nor any Physician in the world can give any judgement of a disease, nor come to the knowledge of such circumstances (unlesse the messenger, that brings it, tell us) as may guide us in the prescribing of safe medicines every way proper unto the disease. I must tell you therefore (for mine own part) that I have already, and doe for ever hereafter meane to steere a new course; yet I must, for this one time, prescribe for this fellow, who (being all this while out of

breath with his last Arthleticke combate, and ha∣ving caught such a wrinch, (though he played strong play, as that he will goe neere to fall the next bout) is expected to enter the sands, to revive the quarrell, and to undertake the last encounter. I now therefore take the Urinall (since the mes∣senger can tell me nothing) and looke better up∣on the water, as if I could tell miracles by it, for I must now make all the haste that may be to set him on foot,* 1.1 since he is so earnestly expected by his adversarie: Now looking upon the water, I perceive it to be very crasse, thicke, and turbid, in all places alike, of an intense, high, darke, red colour; and from thence I conceive, that accor∣ding to the fopperous Pisse-maximes, and rules of our great Pisse-prognosticatours, there is a great commixture of superabundant humours, which the substance of it (as they say) being crasse, thicke, and turbid, sheweth; and that na∣ture is not yet able to concoct these humours, for then there would be some separation in the Urine, and it would not be in all places alike, but would have sediment in the bottome, and be transparent in the upper part; I conceive also that he hath a great Fever, for that the colour sheweth, being red and high, and that there is great danger, for it is of an high darke red colour, tending to black∣nesse. But yet I cannot tell what manner of Fever it is, for I cannot discerne by the Urine (as com∣mon people suppose) the passions and affects of the sicke party, that determine the disease, and

should guide me in the prescribing fit remedies, and therefore I cannot tell whether it be best to let him blood, to give hive him a purging potion, or Clyster, or whether his body would now beare any of these, or whether I were best to give him something to make him sleepe, or some cooling Juleb, or some Cordiall Antidote to expell no∣xious humours from the vitall parts; now which of these methods I shall best use (for the messenger can tell me nothing) I know not, but however the matter is not great, for the party ventureth but his life, and why shuld not I adventure my skill against it? I now therefore pronounce the party to be sicke of a bastard Pleurisie (for, it is no matter what I say to this messenger,) or a Fever, and that the party would hardly recover, further adding, that hee should have beene let blood a weeke agoe, and that I feared it would now be too late, but yet I wish it to be done, for if any thing in the world recover him, it must be that; and if that do it, it is but Hab, Nab, but yet how∣ever, I must put it in practice; so now I hast away the messenger to get a Chirurgion to let him blood; and tell him where, and in what quantity it must be done, and now it is a question whether the disease, or the life be let out by this blood-letting: if blood offending in quantity, or cor∣rupt blood (offending in quality) putrified by chol∣ler in the lesser veines, be let out, the disease may chance to be let out with it, and so Mors or Death may tarry for a sacrifice, till some other

sicknesse take him upon more advantage. But if the good blood, seeming to be inflamed, be let out, when this Fever proceedeth from choller in the greater veins, or from Flegme, or other mixt humours in the stomach, Spleene, or Mesentery, which ought to be purged, the life (insteed of the disease) may be let out, by losse whereof the debt to God and Nature would be paid. But haply (in∣steed of blood-letting, I prescribe at randome, (for so I must doe in either) some purging Po∣tion, and so set the disease and a medicine toge∣ther by the eares & leave the successe to fortune. And now whether the party live or die, I care not: for if he die, I have taught them to blame their owne negligence, in not sending any sooner; but if Nature be of such for••e, that she be able to withstand the conflict betweene the disease and the Antidote, and start up, and take part with the Medicine, so that the party recover, I shall have more attributed unto me, (as the onely cause of his recovery) than I have deserved, or than to God, who in his providence, had beene pleased (by the worke of Nature, more than by any skill of mine) to spare and recover him: and thus you use to over-value the meanes, whereby (as you suppose) you have beene recovered, al∣though used so desperatly (as I have prescribed for this fellow) by a methodicall Physician, pro∣fessing knowledge of diseases by the Urine, or used quite contrary to the rules of Art, by some rude Empiricke and Quack-salving knave, espe∣cially,

if you chance to recover; and to under-va∣lue the best meanes in the world, used by the most grave and learned Physician, if the party chance to die: never satisfying your selves, when things are so come to passe, that it was Gods providence, saying, (sic placuit Domino,) it was Gods will it should be so, and so resting your selves conten∣ted, but still tormenting your selves further, in thinking that this child, that friend, this brother, or that sister might have beene recovered, if the best meanes had beene used, as if God would not have directed thee unto that meanes, had it not beene his will now to take this party unto him∣selfe. And now, I hope that you perceive by these few instances, how a man may deceive the wisest messenger that you can send unto a Physician with a water, and shew you the disease by the same, although it be not there to be found, and how great danger they put their lives in, that adven∣ture to take Physicke prescribed by the sight of the Urine only: and so I have done with all sharp and violent diseases, and am now comming to speake of Chronicall, lingring, and diseases of continuance, wherein I meane to shew you how to give judgement of them by the water, though in those diseases, it shew lesse than in sharpe and violent diseases.

Notes

• * 1.1

  What is to be done, when no in∣struction can be had from the messenger.