Times curtaine dravvne, or the anatomie of vanitie VVith other choice poems, entituled; health from Helicon. By Richard Bathvvayte Oxonian.

Of Court-ship. Et tacuisse nocet.

BEfore I enter this secure repose, There comes such store of per••umes to my nose, I am nere sti••led: but I haue a tricke, By meanes of Art will tutch them to the quicke; And so disperse these sweetly* 1.1 sented men, As hardly there will one appeare 'mongst ten, And this it is: I'le canvase vp their Vices. Their braine sicke humors, and their strange de••ices; Their Courting, Congeing, and their Coniuring, Their Culling, Clipping, C••inging, Capering; Their garish weares, and apish complement, And so I hope, I shall disperse this sent: Which, if my footing were not all more speedie, Might haue infected well my Brai••e alreadie. Rouse then thy selfe (my Muse) and sprightly on Vnto these men are made of Cinnam••n. Which Similee can hardly be denide. Their rind being better then all th' bulke beside. Me thinkes I see a ne•• inuented State, Of foure Coach-horses standing at the gate, With distinct Furniture accordingly, To shew his Lordships honors liuery:

Next this I see two Irish Lackyes stand, With eyther one a horse rod in his hand, Where with they oft times make the Beggars feele The lash, for following their Lords Coach wheele. Close ••e their Breeches made vnto their thighes, Guarded like two Pie-collor'd Butterflies; So as to see these Iack-a lents come after, Would make a man halfe dead, burst out with laughter. There straight I see a Prisoner through a grate, Desire their Lord to be compassionate; While Court like, he, stops his relentlesse eare, And eyther cannot heare, or scorns to heare. Thus in all State goes this Magnifico, With 4 Coach-horse, one Coach-man Pages two, Which ••euen without him make the Number euen With Romes 7 Mounts, for they make likewise seuen. Then must his Trayne be great, it cannot chuse, Being in attendance growne so mountainous: But let him passe, this Errour is but small, To other-some, that I must cope withall. Next thing I see, is one that's like a man, Yet so disguis'd, discerne him not I can, Nor well distinguish him, by outward shape From some strange Monkey-fac't Arabian Ape. Faces he makes of such a se••erall sort, I cannot show them▪ to be hanged for't: But sure I am (for ought I vnderstand) He found not such strange faces in our Land, For ciuill Albyon is, and cannot brooke To looke, but as her Maker bids her looke. Yet this same strange proportion'd Caualliere, Or new-Italianated Courtier,

Drawes Admiration to him in each place, And by disguises gets especiall grace▪ For while he has the garbe of forraine Courts, And all the morne he spends in distinct sorts Of French, Italian, Germaine Complement, Zwelan, Ven••tian, Dutch accoutrement: Where he will speake of th' state of euery Court, Yet knowes not but onely by report. Yet would it doe ones heart good to heare, His strange discourse, though he was neuer there. Vp must his fashions goe, which though they seeme Th' ill fauouredst ones, that euer yet were seene. They are in most request, and he's an Asse, That hates th' fashion, or will let it passe. And now, because there commeth to my minde An auncient Storie, which I chanc't to finde, 'Mongst other workes of serious consequence, I meane to write it, as I tooke't from thence. The Scythians a people stout and bold, Though much annoy'd by violence of cold; Were euer held (as by their Acts is showne) The truest heyres of honour and renowne: Yet in their height of Triumph and Estate, They fell becomming too esseminate. For when the prosperous gailes of Victorie, Had made them proud of their prosperitie, And good successe had so blowne vp their minde, As Fortune like, their Fortune made them blind. They straight begun to cast away their Armes, As if they were secure of after••harmes; And like new-fangle Humorists, desire To mould themselues into some quaint attire.

Which to performe, they presently intend Some odd conceited fellow for to send, To forraine Coasts, that he thereby might come To gaine some fashions, and so bring them home. Straight one addressed was▪ who forthwith went And compast round the Northerne Continent, Where though he saw strange fashions, yet was he Not so contented but would farther see. At last, inclining South-ward, there he stay de Within an Iland: and so long survayde The Customes, Natures, and the strange attire Of th'people there, as he did much admire (So sottish was this Scythian Traueller) The phrenticke habit of the Ilander. Who wore no garment, but from foote to head With plumes of Birds vs'de to be fethered, So as he seem'd (sayth Storie) in a word, In forme a man, but clothed like a Bird. This when the curious Scythian had seene, To trauell any farther did not meane; But with glad heart determin'd to returne, And shew his Country th'fashions that were worne. Yet thought, ere he his iourney would begin, To take some of those fethers 'long with him. And there-withall to take aduice, had care, Of one of th'best experienst Taylors there, How to dispose the fethers, as they lay, Which hauing learn'd, he posted on his way▪ After long Trauayle he at last arriu'd In his owne Country, which no lesse reuiu'd His long-expecting Country-men, then when There comes repriuall to condemned men.

And as we see Birds flocke against ill wether, So all in troupes they crowded in together. Vowing withall, what Country, or what Nation So ere it were, they would obserue the fashion. Forth comes his fethers pluckt from Peacocks, Owles, Wood-cockes, and Phesants, and all fethred Fowles, Directing them how ordered they should be, (And that of all the Countries he did see) Though many in strange fashions did excell, Yet none like this did please him halfe so well. No sooner had the barbarous Multitude, Seene these strange nisles, but they forthwith sew'd, That this might be authoriz'd, through the Court, That who so ere (being of the better sort) For none saue such admitted were to weare This Bird like weede, should from that time appeare In publique place, vntill they had put on This new-found Roabe, which was agree'd vpon. Then might you see the Garments which of old Were Furrs of Beasts to keepe them from the cold; Cleare throwne away, and none of ranke there were But did discard their auncient Country-weare. But long they had not vs'd this forraine fashion, But each was troubled with a sundry passion: One with a Sowing-humour in his head, Another was as much distempered With collicke: he, with shortnesse of his breath, This man through cold had nerely catcht his death, For why; this weare fitt'd not the Scythians, But those tan-skinned Aethiopians, Whose sulphurous heate might better farre allow Of such light weeds, then their sharpe aire could doe.

One of the wisest of this Barbarous crew, Now seeing, what was likely to ensue, Command'd forthwith (experience maks men witty) Certaine chiefe men to fire a part o'th' Cittie: Which done, an Vprore presently arose Through all the streets, and to the Court-gate goes: The chill-cold Courtiers knew not what it meant, Yet all amazed thought for to preuent This dangerous fire, in hast therefore they came Forth of the Court, to quench this threatning flame: All fethred as they were: but (see mad Soules) The flame catcht hold on these tame-fethred Fowles, And th'more they sought by labour to appease it, The more they did by their soft Plumes encrease it: Long had they not about these Fire-workes beene, But there was not a fether to be seene; Which cing'd and gone, the fire encreas'd no more, But was supprest, that grew so great before. After which time no fashions they'd retaine, But thought it meete to take their owne againe. I might be taxed for a knavish wit, If I in briefe should seeme to morall it. And therefore haue Resolu'd to let it passe, And be reputed for some Braine-sicke Asse, That spent his oyle and labour for delight, Then to be forc't to answer what I write. For other slight abuses in the Court, Doubting I might be brought in question for't. If I should taxe the greatest; I'me prepar'd, Here to deblaze them briefely afterward.

FINIS.

Notes

• * 1.1

  Ayming onely at such, whose sense consists in sent with reseruation of his best thoughts to the Noble affected Courtier: