A spiritual spicerie containing sundrie sweet tractates of devotion and piety. By Ri. Brathwait, Esq.

His Life.

MEMORIALL IX.

LIfe is a Race, or progresse to Death. The House I sojourne in, a Tent or Taber∣nacle. The People I converse and consort with, as I am, and all our Fathers before us, Pilgrims. Every day h'as his date; yesterday was nor as to day, nor to day as to mor∣row. Two things there are, which makes mee ever to wonder, the more I thinke of them. The one is, to heare a Stranger (as we are all) to breathe out so many long∣ing wishes, languishing de∣sires:

O that I were at

home! O that I were in mine owne Countrey!

And what home is this hee meanes? Is it his owne home? his owne native Countrey? No; It is his earthly Taberna∣cle. Perchance he liveth (if a Pilgrimage may be properly called a Living) farre in the North, and upon occasion he is call'd up to the South; O how tedious are his houres till he returne! yet was hee as neare his Countrey, before as now. The Latter is, to see a poore way-faring man (as we are all) when he is in his journey, and wearied with Travaile, overload himselfe, as if hee purposely meant to fore-slow his speed to his Countrey: Or set himselfe on building in the way, as if he

had quite forgot the place whereto he was to goe. This I am sure, is my estate. Albe∣it, I have found even in those who would have highly re∣joyced in enjoying that light which I am call'd to; and no doubt, would have made far better use of it, than I doe; excellent resolves touching their contempt of earth: al∣though their understandings were so darkned, as their mis-guided thoughts could mount no higher. These could conclude;

Whereso∣ever we be, we are in our Countrey, and our Coun∣trey with us, so it be well with us.

But well it can∣not bee with us, so long as Passions of the minde disquiet us within, and Infirmities

enfeeble us without. I heare some call this Life a Prison; but yet these who call it so, live not like Prisoners. De∣lights and Delicacies be∣come not Fotters. Nay, if we truely held it a prison; wee would desire our libertie: but we either know not, or ac∣knowledge not our misery. Others can call it a Banish∣ment; others a Punishment; others a Death. But if a Banishment, why wish wee not to be restored? if a Pu∣nishment, why seeke wee not to bee released? And if a Death, why sleepe wee in it, and desire not to be raised? No; no; these are but words in the aire. Like such as com∣mend Abstinence, in their Surfets; or discourse of Mor∣tification

in their Cups. Not one of these, who com∣pare themselves to prisoners, would be, if they might bee, freed; Nor one of these Exiles, infranchised; Nor one of these who hold themselves thus punished, de∣livered; nor one of these who hold themselves Dead∣alive, revived. This I am sure, is my case: Though I finde all things in the World to bee nothing but Vanitie; and of those, Man the greatest Va∣nitie; and of all men, my selfe th••••••••lest of Vanity. For I have rejoyced all my dayes, in a thing of nought. And I thought still in mine heart to put farre away the evill day, by approaching to the Seat of iniquitie: but I found that

the eyes of the Almighty were upon mee, and that I groped but in Darknesse, to wound my selfe. Wretched man! How long have I been in a miserable state, and knew it not? How long have I beene a Stranger to my Fa∣thers house, and returned not? I have read it, Deare Lord, in thy Book; and I have found it by experience in that publike Register of mans mortality: how this Life is truly com∣pared to a Course, to a Roast; and what swifter? To a Wea∣vers shuttle; and what ••••ic∣ker? To a Tale that is told; what shorter? To a Shadow; what sooner vanishing? To Grasse; what sooner withe∣ring? To the Tracke of a Ship; what lesse appearing?

To the Flight of a Bird; what more speedily gliding? Yet for all this have I loaded my selfe with thicke clay; as if I were too fleet in my course to heaven, and needed trash∣ing. But would you know in what places, I have beene most versed; and with what persons, most conversed? I shall render you a just Ac∣count; meane time, what Account I shall make for my mis-spent houres, heaven knowes.

After such time, as my Parents had brought mee up at Schoole; to get mee an inheritance in that, where∣with no earthly providence could endow me; I was sent to the Vniversitie; where (still with an humble ac∣knowledgement

of others favours and seasonable ende∣vours) I became such a Profi∣cient, as Time call'd mee, and Examination approv'd mee for a Graduate. And in these Studies I continued, till by universall Voice and vote, I was put upon a Task, whose Style I have, and shall ever re∣taine, the Sonne of Earth; Terrae Filius. From the per∣formance of which exercise, whether it were the extraor∣dinary favour which the Vniversitie pleased to grace mee withall, or that shee found some tokens in mee of such future proficience as might answer the hopes of so tender a Mother, I know not: but, sure I am, I recei∣ved no small encouragement

both in my studies and free tender of ample preferment. And too apt was I, to apply this the worse way. For this extraordinary grace begot in mee a selfe-conceit of my own worth: ever thinking, that if this had not procee∣ded from some more deser∣ving parts in mee: that rich Seminary of all Learning would not have showne so gracefull a Countenance to∣wards mee. Notwithstan∣ding, I laboured by that Grace which was given mee, to suppresse this Opinion in mee; and humbly to ac∣knowledge my wants and weaknesse in all; my abilitie in nothing. But applause is a dangerous Eare-ring: which I found by giving too easie

eare to my owne praise; w^ch, as it deluded my judgement, so it expos'd me to censure. True, too true I found it, that in the sight of our owne Parts, wee need no borrowed lights. This it was, and onely this that induced mee to put my selfe forward in Publique Exercises with much con∣fidence: wherein (such happinesse it is to bee pos∣sest of opinion) I seldome or never came off with dis∣grace.

Having for sundry yeares together thus remained in the bounteous bosome of this my Nursing-Mother; all ••hich time, in the freedome of those Studies, I reap't no lesse private comfort, than I

received from others incou∣ragement; I resolved to set my rest upon this, to bestow the most of my time in that place, if it stood with my Parents liking. But soone was I crossed by them in these resolves: being injoy∣ned by them to turne the course of my Studies from those sweet Academick Ex∣ercises, wherein I tasted such infinite content: and to be∣take my selfe to a profession, which I must confesse sui••ed not well with my dispositi∣on: for the fresh fragrant flowers of Divine Poesie and Morall Philosophy could not like well to be removed, nor transported to those thorny places and plashes of the Law. But no remedy;

with an unwilling farewell I tooke my leave of Philoso∣phy; to addresse my Studies to that Knowledge, which at first seemed so far different from my element; as if I had been now to be moulded to some new Dialect; for though I was knowne to most tongues, I became a meere Novice in this. Here I long remained, but lightly profi∣ted: being there seated, where I studied more for acquain∣tance than knowledge. Nor was I the onely one (though a principall one) who run deeply in areeres with time; and gulled the eyes of opi∣nion with a Law-gowne. For I found many in my case, who could not recom∣pence their Parents many

yeares charge with one Book-case.

Yet amidst these dis-re∣lishing studies, whereto I was rather enforced than en∣clined: I bestowed much precious time (better spent then in Tavernes and Bro∣thells) in reviving in mee the long-languishing spirit of Poetrie, with other Mo∣rall Assayes; which so high∣ly delighted mee, as they kept mee from affecting that loose kind of libertie, which through fulnesse of meanes, and licentiousnesse of the age, I saw so much followed and eagerly pursued by ma∣ny. This moved mee some∣times to fit my buskin'd Muse for the Stage; with o∣ther occasionall Present∣ments

or Poems; which be∣ing free-borne, and not mercenarie, received grace∣full acceptance of all such as understood my ranke and qualitie. For so happily had I crept into Opinion (but weake is that Happinesse that is grounded on Opinion) by closing so well with the temper and humour of the time, as nothing was either presented by mee (at the in∣stancie of the noblest and most generous wits and spi∣rits of that time) to the Stage; or committed by mee to the Presse; which past not with good approvement in the estimate of the world. Neither did I use these pri∣vate Solaces of my pen, other∣wise than as a play onely to

the imagination: rather to allay and season more seri∣ous studies; than accoun•• them any fixt imployment. Nor did I onely bestow my time on these; for I addres∣sed my selfe to Subjects of stronger digestion; being such as required more maturitie of judgement, though lesse pregnancie of invention: relishing more of the Lampe, than those Lighter measures which I had formerly pen∣ned: wherein I grew as strong in the opinion and reputation of others as be∣fore. This I must confesse, begot in mee a glowing heat and conceit of my selfe: but this I held an easie er∣rour, and the more dispensa∣ble, because arising from the

infirmitie of nature. How∣soever, I can very well re∣member (and what other Followers can bee to such a Remembrancer but penitent teares and incessant feares) that I held it in those dayes an incomparable grace to be styled one of the Wits. Where, if at any time invi∣ted to a publique feast, or some other meeting of the Muses, wee hated nothing more than losing time; reserving ever some Select houres of that Solemnity, to make proofe of our con∣ceits in a present provision of Epigrams, Anagrams, with other expressive (and many times offensive) fan∣cies.

But Wits so ill employed,

were like weapons put into mad mens hands. They hurt much, benefitted little: di∣stating more than they plea∣sed; for they liked onely such mens palats, as were Male-contents, and Criti∣cally affected. By this time I had got an eye in the world; and a finger in the street. There goes an Author! One of the Wits! Which could not chuse, but make mee looke bigge, as if I had beene ca∣sten in a new mold. O how in privacie, when nothing but the close Evening, and darke walls accompany mee, doth the remembrance of these lightest vanities per∣plex mee! How gladly would I shun the memory of them! How willingly for∣goe

that sweetnesse which many conceive to bee in them! But let mee goe on; for I am yet but entring that high bet-path of my younger follies. Having thus, for divers yeeres toge∣ther, continued at Inns of Court; where that opinion the world had of my Works, gained mee more friends; than the opinion men had of my Law, got mee fees. For such as affected Scenes more than Suits were my Clients. I thought with my selfe to take a turne or two in Pauls; and to peruse a whol•• Gazetta in one walke. This I conceived might im∣prove mee; first, by indea∣ring and ingratiating my selfe with that Societie:

which, I must confesse, were richly endowed with two excellent parts, Invention, and Memorie. Secondly, by screwing some Subject from their Relations, which might set my pen a work upon oc∣casion.

But I found not there what I expected, which made mee leave that walke, and turne Peripateticke; a ci∣vill Exchange-man; where in short time I got acquain∣tance of the best; being such gentle Merchants, as their wealth could not so darken their worth, but they would willingly enter lists in a combat of wit. These, I grant, tooke great felicitie in my company: nor did it repent mee of bestowing

some houres with these: whose discourse of forraine Newes strengthened by such able Intelligence, did infinite∣ly please. And these, with∣out so much as the least losse to themselves (I may safely vow) would not stick upon occasion to accommodate me: which winged my desires for the Court; the better to accomplish mee. Where I found gracefull acceptance with choycest acquaintance. But Cynthia could not bee still in her full orbe. I begun to withdraw my thoughts from the pursuit of these, and recount with my selfe what I had seene: store of wealth in the one, and a be∣seeming state in the other. Yet for all this I found my

selfe but a Planet in both. Fixt I could not bee, till some constant Calling admit∣ted mee. I resolved then, seeing I found nothing either in Court or Citie, but cares: Cares in the one, of getting to hoord and gather; cares in the other, of getting to spend and scat∣ter: in the one, more rinde than pith; in the other, more pith than rinde. This partaking more of Comple∣ment, that of Substance: yet a naturall straine of Insinua∣tion in both: but their Ob∣jects different. The one making a cringe for fashion; the other for gaine. While the former makes his vowes too familiar with his pro∣tests, to be beleeved; the o∣ther

sees too deepe a glosse of his commodities, with shop∣oaths to be lik't. The one, with a low dook of your Servants Servant, proclaimes him the Servant of time, and no ones servant. This I wholly dislik't, for I found the title of Servant other∣wise applyed by that Divine Vessell of Election, that de∣vout Sanctuarie of Sanctifi∣cation, that pure Mirrour of Supreme Contemplation. His title was, as it was like∣wise of others of his Fellow-Labourers: Paul a servant of Iesus Christ; Iames a servant of Iesus Christ; Iude a ser∣vant of Iesus Christ. With this Complement These began their Epistles: A Sain••-like Preamble! an heavenly

Cour••••hip! Such as all Christians are to imitate.

The other, with his sub∣till weights and measures (reserving ever my best thoughts for the best) made mee suspect him, that hee sold his commodities by retaile, and his conscience by whole sale. Upon review of these, (I say) I resolv'd to leave those Cinnamon Trees of the Court with their sweet rindes; and those Palmato's of the Citie with their broad shades: and to turne honest Countrey-man: where my Parents providence had set∣led a competent estate upon mee. Here I lookt to finde nothing but plaine dealing; where I found in very deed, nothing lesse. For upon a

more serious perusall of that life, with the benefits that rose from it, and condi∣tions of those who were borne and bred in it; I found a cunning Colt wrapt up in a russet coat. Men as apt to catch, as if they had beene hatcht in the Harpies nest. Such as would not stick to hazard their part and portion in the Taberna∣cle for a Symoniacall Con∣tract. And still I went on to dive into the qualitie of those Ilanders. Where I found some pining through want, others repining at their neighbours wealth, few or none cōtent w^th their estate: yet none so poore in estate, as hee would not, though hee spared it from his belly,

have a fee in store to main∣taine a suit. Long I had not remained in this fashion, till it pleased the Prince to put mee in Commission for ad∣ministration of Iustice: a ver∣tue, and a choyce one too, yet such an one, as by the abuse of man, not of time, may be compared to the Ce∣ledony stone, which retaineth her vertue no longer than it is rubbed with gold. For my carriage therein, I ap∣peale to such as knew mee: many imperfections and fai∣lings (Heaven knowes) ac∣companyed mee, which by an humble acknowledge∣ment of mine owne wants, & an earnest desire of supply by Gods grace, became so rectified in mee; as what be∣fore

seemed crooked, was by that golden Rule of his divine Will in mee streightned.

Thus have I passed my dayes; traced many wayes; where the longer I lived, the more I sinned; which cau∣sed mee to wash my couch with teares, and to remem∣ber the follies of my Youth, Manhood, and Age, with an∣guish of heart. O how much it now grieves mee, to have grieved so much at the sight or thought of gray haires; and to have grieved so little at the thought or sight of my sinnes! May it then bee my care to call for grace, lest I bring my gray haires with lasting sorrow to thei•• grave. O may the remainder of my dayes teach mee to

number my dayes, that I may goe to him, and live with him, who is the length of dayes!