A spiritual spicerie containing sundrie sweet tractates of devotion and piety. By Ri. Brathwait, Esq.

Of his Manhood.

MEMORIALL V.

WHen I was a Childe, I loved childishnesse: when a Youth, delicacie and wantonnesse. But being now come to Man, what can bee lesse expected than fruits of obedience? Fruits! Few, God knowes, and those bitter fruits. Never did man reade man more, and expresse man lesse. A long time had I been a stranger to my fathers house; Many yeares had I so∣journed with the unwary Prodigall in a strange coun∣trey. I had spent my portion, that faire portion of many

rich graces, which my hea∣venly Father had bestowed on me; I was driven to such want, as I was like to starve; yet would I not acknow∣ledge my poore estate. Re∣turne I would not to my fa∣ther; nor crave any succour; though I was become a most miserable creature, a foule uncleane Leper, one utterly lost for ever, had not some kind-hearted Samaritan re∣lieved mee in such time of danger. But Necessitie brings ever along with her some re∣medie. I suffered my sore to be opened, that it might bee cured. I found my selfe sick, & I besought my Physician, my heavenly Physician, that hee would looke upon mee with the eyes of his compas∣sion.

And he came unto me, and healed mee: yet, with this condition, that I should sin no more. But I found the custome of sin too hard, and the continuance thereof too sweet to bee left so soone. No sooner had I recovered strength, than I returned to my former state. I found the abilities of nature too strong in me, to leave sin so speedi∣ly. No sentence in all the Scripture was so fresh nor frequent in my memory, as, At what time soever a sinner doth repent him of his sin, &c. Ezek. c. 18. but I abused the Text, and by it promised to my selfe more libertie. I held it Security enough to sinne se∣cretly. As one retired from the sight both of God and

man, to promise more impu∣nitie to sinne, I stickt not to say, Who seeth mee? But woe is mee! what was worst of all, and what without griefe of heart I shall never remem∣ber: Though I saw many eyes upon mee, and that my exam∣ple might have done good to many; for that in the opini∣on of others, I was ranked both for knowledge and con∣dition before many others; those whom I might by my uprightnesse have impro∣ved, by my loosenesse of life I depraved. Which made me call to minde with much heavinesse of heart, what I had sometimes read: Of so many deaths is every one worthy, as he hath given evill examples to those that live with

him, or left evill examples to those that shall succeed him. O my God (thus would I many times commune with mine owne heart) how many deaths have I deserved, who held it not enough to undoe my selfe, by taking upon me a liberty of sinning; but to undoe others too, by chal∣king them out a way by my unhappie example for the like freedom of trāsgressing! This, I confesse, could not chuse but make me to o••hers most hatefull; my selfe to my selfe most distasteful. And yet for all this, swum I still in the same streame. Truth it is, that frō my youth up, whē as yet no early soft downe had cloathed my chin, I had takē a full perusall of my owne

estate. I found in me, what of necessity might bee either corrected by me; or nought could I looke for lesse than misery. Some bosome sins like∣wise I foūd in me after I came to mans estate w^ch ill became the condition of man, and I sought for cure of them. A∣mongst these, one I culled forth more deare to me than the rest, and which neither day nor night would afford mee any rest. And I found meanes to remove it, or to weane mee from it; and I ap∣plyed them, but got no helpe by them, because I mis-ap∣plyed them. for I well re∣member, after such time as I had beene advised, what di∣rections to use, to allay, if not take away, the poyson of

that darling sin wherewith I was infected; I tooke great care for a while, to observe whatsoever was injoyned mee: and to neglect no meanes to procure my safe∣ty. First, I shut my windowes; I admitted no treaties; I ab∣stained from dainties. Se∣condly, I suffer'd not my thoughts to converse with lightnesse. Thirdly, I presen∣ted my suit to that High Court of Requests, for more assistance. Fourthly, I sub∣jected my flesh to holy Disci∣pline and obedience. Fifthly, I meditated of Death; and how this dainty pampered flesh would in that time turne to deformitie and rottennesse. Sixtly, I imparted my griefes to my Superiours, to receive

the benefit of their godly counsell and holy prayers. But flesh and bloud became soone weary of this Taske. Which I no sooner negle∣cted, than I made relapse in∣to that malady, which du∣ring all the time of my spiri∣tuall exercise, was well as∣swaged. Thus in my entry to the state of man, after such time as I was gone downe to the Grave, and that the Pit had nearely received mee; had not my good God taken pity of mee, and showne the light of his Countenance upon me: even then, I say, was I no sooner set againe on my feet, then I returned to my accustomed filth. And though Manhood had swal∣lowed up my ••outh; yet did

my Manhood taste lesse of Man than my Youth.