Ar't asleepe husband? A boulster lecture; stored with all variety of witty jeasts, merry tales, and other pleasant passages; extracted, from the choicest flowers of philosophy, poesy, antient and moderne history. Illustrated with examples of incomparable constancy, in the excellent history of Philocles and Doriclea. By Philogenes Panedonius.

QUICKNESSE OF WIT.

* 1.1QUICKNESSE OF WIT, consists in a pregnant present conceipt, arising from an happy fancy or strength of apprehensi∣on, having an answer ready to any objecti∣on: or a pleasing delightfull humour in bandying jests one to another. Which are divided into Festive, or Civile: Both, if seasonably used, and without danger of any personall toutch, freely received; Though the Orator hold, that the former is ally'd to vanity, one degree nearer than the latter.

These Quicke-wits are best exprest in pre∣sent extremities. I have knowne some wits of our time, held it their greatest honour, to contest in arguments of Wit with Women: Nor have they held it lesse honour to gravell them. The conquest was not so virile, that it should reteine any such esteeme: But in these Duello's of wit, I have observed some of these selfe-opinionate ones, faile so farre in their expectance, as they ever merited least praise, where they were most confident of an undoubted prize.

A just judgement! That wherein Wits are most presuming, they should ever ap∣peare most failing. It is true, what the A∣pologue sometimes observed; Epimetheans are to bee found in every place, but it were rare to finde any one of all Prometheus race. To foresee what may befall, is an eye sur∣passing the lower verge: yea, we shall finde the pregnantst piercingst wits many times most blinded in what imports them most. Apt to pry into others secrets, but neglectfull of their owne▪ A censorious quick-sighted Argus to others Counsells: A blind Tyresias in the Survey of their own. It is a rare feli∣city to enjoy a quick-wit, & to have Humility to manage it. More have perish'd by it, than procur'd them safety from it. Ripe early Wits are soonest blasted; as rarest beauties quickliest blemished. Wherein those are ever most erring, that are most given to talking: especially, in observances, regreets, salutations, complements: which, many times fall out unhappily to those who most affect them; & following the current of Court-Rhetorick, mistake the termes: or through ignorance of the true Dialect of Speech, fall into ridiculous absurdities, by mistaking words, or inverting the use of them; familiar errors to most of our affe∣cted Speakers. This may necessarily seeme to introduce the Tale of that Finitive Girl••;

who comming downe from her Lady to a Gentleman; and desirous to excuse her Lady, that shee could not presently bee at leasure to receive his Message; requested him, that till her Lady was ready to dis∣patch him, he would be pleased to goe along with her and take some procreation in the Garden. Which could not chuse but puzle him asmuch to answer, as shee poore wench, was simply forward in her liberall offer.

Nor had that Curats wife any ill mea∣ning, how ere her words might be miscon∣strued, who comming to her Land-ladies house, and being asked of her;

How happens it that all this while you have no children Neighbour? Verily, quoth she, I know not, but by the motion of the spirit wee do both our endeavour.

Nor did that soft-temper'd Gentleman, show any great propriety of speech, nor per∣tinency of answer, when comming to the house of a neare-neighbouring Lady, and being demanded of her,

How long his wife reckoned, and when shee would bee brought abed?

For want of a better an∣swer, suffering both in his tongue and con∣ceit a fever, made this reply;

Even when your Lady-ship pleaseth.

But to speake generally of quick-wits, they are naturally bold: which many

times endangers the owners discretion. There is no Discourse, wherein he will not have an Oare. No Argument, wherein he holds not himselfe fit to be a Moderator. Yet, in this he so farre over-shoots himselfe, as he findes it more prejudiciall for man to be accompanied by selfe conceipt, than to be indued with a meane, but humble conceipt. It was the Saying of a daring Stoick, that he was in all things so well resolved, as there was nothing wherein he so much as doubted: Which was likewise the arrogant opinion of Velleius the Epicurian. His confi∣dence had so strengthned him, as no opini∣on of error could surprize him: Imagining his knowledge to bee lyable to no error, so firmely and irremoveably sixt was he to an opinionate humour. But he who fooles himselfe with such an arrogant confidence, ever fails most in his expectance. He is most wise, who is lest opinionately wise. For he that seekes to be more wise than he can bee, shall bee found to bee lesse wise than hee should be.

But now, whereas many women have singular quick-wits; it is very rare for any such to have them, and not to know them. It is commonly seene therefore in publique Assemblies, how apt they are to give occa∣sion of discourse: and how willingly they embrace any Argument to exercise their

Wits on. And in this they have a great advantage of the stronger Sexe: For what∣soever they object by way of reason, re∣ceives a more favourable construction, than others may probably expect. For indiffe∣rent things delivered, where little is expe∣cted; begets more admiration in the hearer, than where more solid Arguments are handled, but by such where nothing lesse could be expected. Indeed, the grea∣test error that can bee found in these femi∣nine Disputants; you shall observe some of them (ever teserving our best esteeme for the discreetest and selectedst ones) to flow in words, but droppe in matter. Copiously shall you find them worded; but for matter penuriously stored. Howbeit, their very presence ever accompanies their discourse with an applausive grace.

I have in my time seene a Woman brought before a Judiciall Seate; where she was accused of enormious crimes: and such, as before she laboured to vindicate her owne honour, begot in her Spectators an hatefull horror: yet no sooner had she de∣livered her owne misfortunes; the undeser∣ved extremities of her Adversaries; the dis∣respect she bare to life; the tender care to redeeme her fame; than she begot teares in those who before did spite her: a noble Compassion in such, who before did hate

her. Now, if a quick-wit, prompt speech, and prepared spirit wrought such effects in actions of that quality, what might they produce in affaires of true worth and magnanimity?

It is true, what an excellent Moralist well observed: that it fareth with wits, as with diversity of Soyles. Some are naturally so fruitfull, that if they should be manured or marled, they would grow over with weedes. Many such luxuriant Wits there be; who, the more they are fed, the more are they famished. These must bee kept Sharpe, or they will not mount. Others there be, who must be forced, or they are starved, but these partake not of such where∣of wee have here discoursed.

To dwell longer on these I shall not need, seeing the Triall of wits will sufficiently informe you. Wee will descend then from those benefits accruing to quick-wits discreetly mannaged, to those distasts they beget by being too lavishly vented.

Notes

• * 1.1

  MOTIVE 3.