Ar't asleepe husband? A boulster lecture; stored with all variety of witty jeasts, merry tales, and other pleasant passages; extracted, from the choicest flowers of philosophy, poesy, antient and moderne history. Illustrated with examples of incomparable constancy, in the excellent history of Philocles and Doriclea. By Philogenes Panedonius.

GENTLENESSE OF SPEECH.

* 1.1GENTLENESSE OF SPEECH is an affable treaty or confe∣rence one with another. Or, a winning kinde of Rhetorick, which of all others, purchaseth most friends with least cost. An excellent grace it gives to Hospitality: especially, where a welcome accompanied with a cheerefull countenance is delivered with the mouth: and an enter∣taining eye becomes ready to usher in that speech. Where two meeke men meete toge∣ther, their conference (said Bernard) is sweet and profitable: where one man is meeke, it is profitable; where neither, it proves perni∣cious.

Many Motives be there to induce Fancy, which well tempered, worke upon no blind love, such as a deluded eye doats most upon, but a cleare and well-grounded affection. Such were those exteriour goods or embel∣lishments, which begot love in the behol∣ders of those Sabine beauties: which so ena∣moured the Romans in the infancy of their foundation, as they begot a succeeding alli∣ance in their posterity. Egnatius in Ca∣tullus

is brought out shewing the whitenesse of his teeth. Lacides with sleeke looks, and mincing gate. Pompey scratching his head with one finger. But as the wind Caecias drawes unto it Clouds; so did outward po∣stures beget sinister conceipts: for Lacides could not use that sleckenesse without suspi∣cion of lasciviousnesse: nor Pompey, that affected scratching with one finger, without opinion of wantonnesse.

White teeth imply a strong constitution; rolling eyes, like Lais Lamps, heate of affe∣ction; with a pure Sanguine, which is ever accompanied with a beautefull complexion. That which Euryala, Nurse to that subtile Greeke, praysed, when she washed the feete of Vlysses, was Gentle Speech, and tender flesh: both referring to two severall Sences; the one to the Eare: the other to the Toutch. Now to expresse the singular effects of the former, whereof wee are here to treat: There is nothing that ingageth more the af∣fection of the Hearer than affability of Speech. I have knowne a great and emi∣nent Person in this Kingdome; who, how undeservedly, I know not, having incurred the distasts of some Societies, touching some indirect passages, as they conceived, whereby they stood highly injuried: upon Conference with them, and declaring his innocency, not only freed himselfe of their

prejudicate opinion: but gained their good esteeme and affection. Nor is it al∣most credible what excellent fruits, this Gentle speech graced with a pleasing presence have produc'd both in affaires of peace and warre; at home and abroad.

It is the Wise mans observation: Soft speech mitigates wrath. We read of few so barbarous (if Commanders) who could not finde an heart to receive a compassionate teare: nor an eare to a faire submission.

Though Affranius, hearing his effemi∣nate Son cry out—Alas me wretched! hate such a weake servile condition in his Sonne, as he seconds it with this severe reply:

To thy bas•• spirit I am suc•• a foe, If one part grieve, let th' rest afflict thee too.

We shall finde even in Strangers more pity than in such fierce Fathers.

For in our Surveys of ancient and mo∣derne Histories: we shall finde ever some Princely compassionate Spirit, though a Conquerour, suffer in his Conquest. What passionate effects wrought that sad re∣lation of Aeneas in the heart of Queene Dido? How soone were those words (those Emphaticall words) setting forth the Tro∣jans misery, conveyed to the heart of that

affectionate Lady? But indeed in passages of love; when occasions of distaste chance to bee bred betwixt the parties: upon a faire and free parliance (if that happinesse may bee admitted them) how quickly are minds, before seemingly aliened, reconciled? Their former hate begins to resolve it selfe into amorous teares. So strong is the force of Gentle speech; seconded with easie reasons: which worke well enough in the eare of Love: who, melting in affection, is as wil∣ling to be attoned, as the party to move it.

Whosoever should but see to life persona∣ted that Princely Sophonisba, whose attra∣ctive Majesty and unaffected Eloquence, interessed her selfe more in hearts, than any Princesse of her time; would conclude hence, that a sweet and debonaire Speech works wondrous effects; as might appeare in those moving Speeches of hers, which so tenter'd her Hearers hearts, as ••hee herselfe could not suffer more upon reflex had to her owne wrongs, than they did in commi∣serating her wrongs.

It was an excellent commendation which I have sometimes heard given to a Noble Peere of this Kingdome. That none ever came to him, how irresolved soever, but came away from him well satisfied. This was a great felicity: that none, were he ne∣ver so dis-affected to him upon his Entry:

but departed so well contented, as he won his opinion, whom hee before highly di∣stasted.

True it is, that vulgar Eyes and Eares are only taken with outward Objects. They stand not upon sounding or examining the vessell: so it make a noyse, they rest satisfied. A courteous answer or affable salute affords them sufficient measure of content: and makes them render an approvement of his affability to the World. This is very rare to be seene in the countenance of such who are advanced to high places. These can put on a sterne awfull brow: and make appeare very legibly, how their State is changed.

A poor State that begets pride! An un∣deserving honour, that moulds in the owner a supercilious aspect; a difficulty of accesse; a phantastick circular gate; and a surly uncivile speech! Weake habilliments of honour! But farre weaker Supports to beare that Colosse of honour up, if he should decline.

I have observed an excellent temperature in this kinde, in many of our Ladies: whose pleasing countenance, & affable salutes freed them of that censure which those disdaine∣full women worthily incurre, who hold it the best posture of State to dis-value those they consort with: and as those, who are transported with an opinion of their owne

worth censure nothing worthy hearing, but what their selecter judgements approve. Dainty Idols to doate upon! These had need furnish themselves of witty Husbands; or the Honey-month will be soone done with them. Whereas those, whom we formerly touched; resemble Lights shining in an o∣ther Orbe.

If their Husbands bee pleasant, they re∣joyce in his pleasure. If he suffer in any o∣verture which he neither expected, nor his actions deserved; they beare a part in his Lachrymae. Husbands to such wifes are made happy in their choice: and have good cause never to wish a change. For they may consort with those they affect, without fea∣ring of being call'd to an Evening account. If their dayes expence should chance to bee too immoderate; they need feare no fingers but their owne, to dive into their pockets, or to make privy search for more than can be found. These need not feare to have their shoulders besprinkled with Zantippee's livery: or to have their breakfast chang'd into a Morning Curtaine Lecture: Or to receive discipline for their last nights error: Or to weare their Night-Capps after the old fashion, with both their eares through them: Or dreame, that their pillows are stuft with horne-shavings. These can play the merry Mates with their wifes, and ne∣ver

laugh till their hearts ake: and heare a horne-pipe plaid, and never rubbe their brow antlers. If they come home late (though sooner were better) they are entertain'd with a chearefull welcome: They finde no Pouts in their dish: nor amongst all their necessary utensils one Chafing-dish. Out of this preci∣ous Mine, was, surely, that good Burgoma∣sters wife cut out, who ever met her Hus∣band at the Portell with a gentle word in her mouth; a sweet smile on her lippe; a merry looke on her cherry cheeke; a paire of slippers in one hand: and in the other, a rubber (not at cuffs) but a Towell to rubbe him after his travaile: whereas that old beldam Thestylis would have exchang'd that rubber with an halter, if shee might have had her will, rather than be bound to such a Taske. And to such an one, without all doubt was he matched; who in a pensive plight, all full of discontent, published to the World, from whence he desired a speedy dismission, his hard Fortune in this Bridall Brawle.

Married! whereto? to distaste; Bedded! where? all griefe is plaste; Clothed! how? with Womans shame; Branded! how? with losse of Name; How wretchelesse is that Man that is disgras't With losse of Name, shame, griefe, and all distast?

Imprison'd! how? to womans will; Ingag'd! to what? to what is ill; Restrain'd! by whom? by jealous feare; Inthrall'd! to whom? Suspicions eare; How haplesse is that wretch that must full∣fill, A false, Suspitious, jealous womans Will?

Taxed! for what? for modest mirth; Exposed! how? a Stale on Earth; Surprizd'! with what? with discontent; Profess'd! as how? times penitent; How can that forlorne Soule take joy on Earth, Where Discontent and Penance is his Mirth?

Threated! how? as ne're was no man; Fool'd! by whom? a foolish woman; Slav'd! to what? to causelesse Splean••; Sprite-affrighted! when? I dreame; How should th'Infernall Prince more Furies summon, Than lodge in such a Spleenefull, Spitefull Woman?

Cheered most! when? least at home; Planted! where? i'th Torrid Zone; Chafed! how? with oyle of tongue; Hardned! how? by suff'ring wrong;

How wretched in his Fate who is become Contented most, when he is least at home?

Vrged most! when? she is neare; Vsher'd! how? with fruitlesse feare; Shielded! when? when I doe flye; Cur'd! with what? with hope to dye; How curelesse doth that cure to sense ap∣peare, Whose Hope is Death, whose Life is fruit∣lesse feare?

This wench had beene a dainty dangling fruit for Timon's fig-tree. And very likely it is, that with one of this Aery that Falco∣ner had encountred, or at least it were to be wished, he had beene so matched: who comming to a Wedding with an Hauke on his fist, and being asked to what end hee came thither, beeing a Marriage-meeting, and no place for pouting, with his Hauke? answered,

Purposely to know how many Marriages would reclaime an Hauke. Nor did hee doubt, but if such occasions had power to tame a wild Batchler, they would in time reclaime his Haggard.

Yet, for all this, his discretion by a wise modera∣tion of his passion, might, no doubt, have rectifide much this whirly-gigs disposition: for a good Iack will make a good Gill. Nor

will inveying, reviling or abusing of a Vixon, bring her to a good temper: for such usage would quickly make her madder. This was the cause that moved Socrates to forbeare his wife Zantippe, though a froward woman, because he thought he might better converse with others. Thus wise men, who are re∣gulated by reason, and with the rule of dis∣cretion, can moderate passion, when they are matched to such Necessary Evils, can make a Vertue of a Necessity; prepare them by such tryalls, with more constancy to suffer all extreames. Nor can there be made any question, but such Corrasives as are ap∣plyed nearest us, and upon the Vitall parts, worke the sensiblest effects. And who more neare than our owne bosome-consort: whose cheerefull aspect makes all those Pla∣nets of her family successive and auspicious: as contrariwise, her malignity begets in all those inferiour Lights, the like disposition. In the description of an Oeconomick State, Aristotle expresseth himselfe most Philoso∣phically, when he renders it thus: A Pri∣vate family (saith he) may be properly cal∣led a little City; and a City, a great Family: where like a City without a Wall, a House without a doore, a Ship without Helme, a Pot without a Cover, and a Horse without a Bridle: so is a Family, when guided by a passionate violent man, and hee matched to

a waspi••h unquiet woman. Many excellent Aphorismes are contained in Hippocrates; amongst which, this:

Eight things (saith he) make mans flesh moist and fat: the first, to bee merry and live at hearts ease; the second, to sleepe much; the third, to lye in a soft bed; the fourth, to fare well; the fifth, to be well apparelled and furnished; the sixth, to ride alwayes on horsebacke; the seventh, to have our Will; and the eight, to bee employed in Playes and Pastimes, and in things which yeeld contentment and pleasure.

Yet worke all these to a remedilesse consumpti∣on, when the Wife is transform'd into a Fury, and makes it her dayes Taske, to put all things out of order.

Howsoever, a great measure of discretion is required in an Husband; first, to know the nature and temper of his wife: secondly, in the carriage or demeanure of himselfe to∣wards her accordingly. You see, how the same Sunne works severall effects upon Waxe and Clay: for it softneth the one, and hardneth the other. Let him apply this to his owne condition: by disposing himselfe towards her, to whom hee stands ingaged, nay religiously devoted by an inviolable tye of affection. I have heard of a dome∣stick combat betwixt two, who afterwards became such loving affectionate Turtles, as

nothing could displease the one, what the o∣ther affected. But before this continued peace could bee procured, or these Civill-warres quenched: many domestick bickerings and skirmishes were there, who might weare the buckler, and returne quarter-master.

The more he laboured to soveraignize; the quarrell ever became more implacable; for she ever ended that dayes conflict with this peremptory cloze:

Trust me, Hus∣band, this will not doe it.

At last, as later considerations prove ever wisest, hee recollected himselfe: beginning to expostu∣late the cause with himselfe in this manner.

How long shall I intangle my selfe in this intricate Maze of endlesse miseries? To what purpose is it, that I contest with my owne flesh? Raise a Pad in the straw: and awake a sleeping Lyon? It may bee her disposition is more generously tempe∣red, than to be thus haled. Turne then the Scale; and let her enjoy the freedome of her selfe. This will relish better to any well condition'd nature: than ever to be contending for mastery: and make the whole Countrey ring with our folly.

Upon which resolution, they closed toge∣ther in such an equall Concord and Har∣mony of their minds: as they were never knowne to bee angry both together: The one giving way to the others passion, with

such sobriety and discretion; as they never afterwards needed any neighbourly Medi∣ation. This I have the longer insisted on, because I am not ignorant how many surly and rough dispositions doe abuse by their harshnesse the easy and well-tempered Na∣tures of their unhappy Consorts: which might bee instanced and illustrated with many Tragick and dolefull examples, both in our owne and other Countreyes: where weake and fearefull natures were so disheartned, as they inclined to strange me∣lancholick fits, and such incurable distem∣pers, as they were never rest of them, till their tedious life left them. Others of higher Spirits, but of more vindicative natures, im∣patient of longer suffering, have woven up the Tragick Scene of their miseries with the ruine of their cruell husbands.

* 1.2Indeed, were all Women of that servile condition, whereof the ingenious Barcley in his Mirror of Minds, reports those women to bee of; who cannot be perswaded that their Husbands love them,* 1.3 unlesse they beate them: Correction then would bee found the only introduction to affection: But these Nations are more Civile; and our womanish Spirits more Virile, to endure such affronts. It is worthy our observation to relate what happned to one Iordan, in his marrying in those parts; being a native

German, and one who had accompanied Barcley in his Travaile. He reports it thus:

Being in those parts, one Iordan, a German, and who had kept me Com∣pany in my Travaile: fell in love with a woman there, & married her: Demeaning himselfe to her, as became a loving and respective Husband; but the more she was tendered by him, the more shee seemed to be discontented with him. No dalliance, nor all the tokens of love or affection that he could shew to her, could either winne or waine her from that discontented hu∣mour, to which his too much kindnesse had brought her. At last, seeing that the more he laboured to content her, the lesse she seem'd to be pleased; he takes her aside one day, demanding of her the reason of her distaste? O Sir, saith she! how should I bee well pleased when you shew no ar∣gument of love towards me? Not of love, replyed he! what more Signes of respect can I show you, than these I already doe? I am sure you want nothing. Yes, Hus∣band said she, I want Correction: And if you did truly love me, you would beate me: as you see other husbands in these parts use their wifes: for I must freely tell you, for all your professions of love and respect toward mee, till you begin to beate me, I shall never bee perswaded

that you love me. This could not chuse but beget admiration in him: yet, least hee should lose his Wifes good opini∣on, at last hee began to follow the Countrey-fashion: and to give her such correction, as might sufficiently perswade her of his affection. Although, in the end, his disciplinary Love grew to be too bitter: For he brake her neck before he left her.

But no modest eare can endure any such breake-necke-love: Wives are not to bee made Slaves but Companions. And as their constitutions are soft and delicate; so should their usage bee mildly tempered and affectionate. Sweet and gentle is their Speech; albeit, no Rule so generall, but admits some exception; full of rich de∣light is their Fancy. No storme of adversity so violent, but their pleasant society will allay it. No losse so heavy, but by the enjoyment of them, supplyed. Those dis∣persed Trojan Dames, how soone had they pacified their incensed Husbands, with a winning kisse, and a friendly salute? Their anger was soone done, when they saw those pearled teares distilling: those amorous armes spred abroad to imbrace them: those pretty witty prattles they had to entertaine them.

These were such harmelesse carelesse Charmes; as they wrought farre stronger

on the affection, than any other forcible Conclusion.

Now, as I have formerly observed, seeing there is no Society that can possibly subsist without speech: divers qualifications are to bee used, whereby that Cement of society may be better seasoned: and in all Compa∣nies better accepted: which I will di∣vide into these two necessary precepts. The first is, to know what you are to speake. The second is, to know when you are to speake. In the former, is Deliberation; In the later, is Modera∣tion necessarily required. He that knoweth how to speake well, knoweth also when hee must hold his peace: which may serve for an excellent Rule to the Later. Thinke an houre before you speake, and a day be∣fore you promise: and this may usefully serve for a direction of high importance to the Former. These observed, many errors incident to indeliberate speech, may be pre∣vented: which our too free and glib-ton∣gued Dames are usually subject to. I have noted a kinde of pleasing Dialect used by our City Dames to their Husbands: and delivered in that loving familiar way, as it infinitely became them: a kinde of fond∣ling speech, (as I may properly tearme it) or apish toying, neither unpleasing to their Husbands, nor unusefull to themselves:

as thus: —trust mee, Chick, thou shalt not. —Now, pray thee, Prick, doe not. -iffaith, you'r a sleake youth. —you playd the wag with mee last night. — well, God forgive thee. —wiltst buy mee this toy, my Pigsny? These pretty prattles make me re∣member that free and ingenuous confession of that rich Millanoise,

That the strings of his purse were never so hard tyed, but his Nansy had a Charme to loose them.

Which brings us no lesse properly than oc∣casionally to fall upon that dangerous At∣tendant to Gentle Speech, which we former∣ly particuliz'd, to be Dissimulation: a smooth Orator, and such an one, as makes her owne end, the sole Object of her Endevour.

Notes

• * 1.1

  MOTIVE 4.
• * 1.2

  The 〈◊〉〈◊〉 conditi••n of the M••sco••ian Women.
• * 1.3

  Barclay's Icon animorum. Cap. 8.