The decameron containing an hundred pleasant nouels. Wittily discoursed, betweene seauen honourable ladies, and three noble gentlemen.

Bruno and Buffalmaco, did steale a young Brawne from Calandrino, and for his recouery thereof, they vsed a kinde of pretented coniurati∣on, with Pilles made of Ginger and strong Malmesey. But instead of this application, they gaue him two Pilles of a Dogges Dates, or Dow∣sets, confected in Alloes, which he receiued each after the other; by meanes whereof they made him beleeue, that hee had robde himselfe. And for feare they should report this theft to his wife; they made him to goe buy another Brawne.

The Sixt Nouell.

Wherein is declared, how easily a plaine and simple man may be made a foole, when he dealeth with crafty companions.

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PHilostratus had no sooner concluded his Nouell, and the whole Assembly laughed heartily thereat: but the Queen gaue command to Madame Philomena, that shee should follow next in order; whereupon thus shee began. Worthy Ladies, as Philostratus, by calling to memorie the name of Maso del Saggio, hath contented you with another merry Nouell concerning him: in the same manner must I intreat you, to remember once againe Calandrino and his subtle Consorts, by a pretty tale which I meane to tell you; how, and in what manner they were reuenged on him, for going to seeke the inusible Stone.

Needlesse were any fresh relation to you, what manner of peo∣ple those three men were, Calandrino, Bruno, and Buffalmaco, be∣cause already you haue had sufficient vnderstanding of them. And therefore, as an induction to my discourse, I must tell you, that Ca∣landrino had a small Country-house, in a Village some-what neere to Florence, which came to him by the marriage of his Wife. A∣mong other Cattle and Poultry, which he kept there in store, hee had a young Boare readie fatted for Brawne, whereof yearly he v∣sed to kill one for his owne prouision; and alwaies in the month of December, he and his wife resorted to their village house, to haue a Brawne both killed and salted.

It came to passe at this time concerning my Tale, that the Wo∣man being somewhat crazie and sickly, by her Husbands vnkinde vsage, whereof you heard so lately; Calandrino went alone to the killing of his Boare, which comming to the hearing of Bruno and Buffalmaco, and that the Woman could by no meanes be there: to passe away the time a little in merriment, they went to a friendlie Companion of theirs, an honest iouiall Priest, dwelling not farre off from Calandrinoes Countrey house.

The same morning as the Boare was kilde, they all three went thither, and Calandrino seeing them in the Priests companie: bad them all heartily welcome; and to acquaint them with his good Husbandry, hee shewed them his house, and the Boare where it hung. They perceyuing it to be faire and fat, knowing also, that Calandrino intended to salt it for his owne store, Bruno saide vnto him: Thou art an Asse Calandrino, sell thy Brawne, and let vs make merrie with the money: then let thy wife know no otherwise, but that it was stolne from thee, by those theeues which continually haunt coun∣try houses, especially in such scattering Villages.

Oh mine honest friends, answered Calandrino, your counsell is not to be followed, neither is my wife so easie to be perswaded: this wer the readiest way to make your house a hell, and she to become the Master-Diuell: therefore talke no further, for flatly I will not doe it. Albeit they laboured him very earnestly, yet all proued not to anie pur∣pose: onely he desired them to suppe with him, but in so colde a manner, as they denyed him, and parted thence from him. As they walked on the way, Bruno saide to Buffalmaco. Shall we three (this night) rob him of his Brawne? Yea marry (quoth Buffalmaco) how is it to be done? I haue (saide Bruno) alreadie found the meanes to ef∣fect it, if he take it not from the place where last we saw it. Let vs doe it then (answered Buffalmaco) why should we not do it? Sir Domine heere and we, will make good cheare with it among our selues. The nimble Priest was as forward as the best; and the match being ful∣ly agreed on, Bruno thus spake. My delicate Sir Domine, Art and

cunning must be our maine helps: for thou knowest Buffalmaco, what a couetous wretch Calandrino is, glad and readie to drink alwaies on other mens expences: let vs go take him with vs to the Tauern, where the Priest (for his owne honour and reputation) shall offer to make pai∣ment of the whole reckoning, without receiuing a farthing of his, whereof he will not be a little ioyfull, so shall we bring to passe the rest of the businesse, because there is no body in the house, but onely him∣selfe: for he is best at ease without company.

As Bruno had propounded, so was it accordingly performed, & when Calandrino perceyued, that the Priest would suffer none to pay, but himselfe, he dranke the more freely; and when there was no neede at all, tooke his Cuppes couragiously one after another. Two or three houres of the night were spent, before they parted from the Tauerne, Calandrino going directly home to his house, and instantly to bed, without any other supper, imagining that he had made fast his doore, which (indeede) he left wide open: sleep∣ing soundly▪ without suspition of any harme intended vnto him. Buffalmaco and Bruno went and supt with the Priest, and so soone as supper was ended, they tooke certaine Engines, for their better en∣tering into Calandrinoes house, and so went on to effect theyr pur∣pose. Finding the doore standing readie open, they entered in, tooke the Brawne, carried it with them to the Priests house, and af∣terward went all to bed.

When Calandrino had well slept after his Wine, he arose in the morning, and being descended downe the staires; finding the street doore wide open, he looked for the Brawne, but it was gone. En∣quiring of the neighbours dwelling neere about him, hee could heare no tydings of his Brawne, but became the wofullest man in the world, telling euery one that his Brawne was stolne. Bruno and Buffalmaco being risen in the morning, they went to visite Calan∣drino, to heare how he tooke the losse of his Brawne: and hee no sooner had a sight of them, but he called them to him; and with the teares running downe his cheekes, sayde: Ah my deare friendes, I am robde of my Brawne. Bruno stepping closely to him, sayde in his eare: It is wonderfull, that once in thy life time thou canst bee wise. How? answered Calandrino, I speake to you in good earnest. Speake so still in earnest (replied Bruno) and cry it out so loud as thou canst, then let who list beleeue it to be true.

Calandrino stampt and fretted exceedingly, saying: At I am a true man to God, my Prince, and Countrey, I tell thee truly, that my Brawne is stolne. Say so still I bid thee (answered Bruno) and let all the world beleeue thee, if they list to do so, for I will not. Wouldst thou (quoth Calandrino) haue me damne my selfe to the diuell? I see thou dost not credit what I say: but would I were hanged by the necke, if it

be not true, that my Brawne is stolne. How ca•• it possible be, replyed Bruno? Did not I see it in thy house yester night? Wouldst thou 〈◊〉〈◊〉 me beleeue, that it is flowne away? Although it is not flowne avvay (quoth Calandrino) yet I am certain, that it 〈◊〉〈◊〉 stolne away for which I am weary of my life, because I dare not go home to mine owne house, in regard my wife will neuer beleeue it; and yet if she should credite it, we are sure to haue no peace for a tweluemonths space.

Bruno, seeming as if he were more then halfe sorrowfull, yet sup∣porting still his former iesting humor, saide: Now trust mee Calan∣drino, if it be so; they that did it are much too blame. If it be so? an∣swered Calandrino, Belike thou vvouldst haue mee blaspheme Hea∣uen, and all the Saints therein: I tell thee once againe Bruno, that this last night my Brawne was stolne. Be patient good Calandrino, reply∣ed Buffalmaco, and if thy Brawne be stolne from thee, there are means enow to get it againe. Meanes enow to get it againe? said Calandri∣no, I would faine heare one likely one, and let all the rest go by. I am sure Calandrino, answered Buffalmaco, thou art verily perswaded, that no Theefe came from India, to steale thy Brawne from thee: in which respect, it must needes then be some of thy Neighbours: vvhom if thou couldst louingly assemble together, I knowe an experiment to be made vvith Bread and Cheese, whereby the party that hath it, will quickly be discouered.

I haue heard (quoth Bruno) of such an experiment, and helde it to be infallible; but it extendeth onely vnto persons of Gentilitie, whereof there are but few dwelling heere about, and in the case of stealing a Brawne, it is doubtfull to inuite them, neither can there be any certainty of their comming. I confesse what you say, aun∣swered Buffalmaco, to be very true: but then in this matter, so nere∣ly concerning vs to be done, and for a deare Friend, what is your aduice? I would haue Pilles made of Ginger, compounded with your best and strongest Malmsey, then let the ordinary sort of peo∣ple be inuited (for such onely are most to be mistrusted) and they will not faile to come, because they are vtterly ignorant of our in∣tention. Besides, the Pilles may as well bee hallowed and conse∣crated, as bread and cheese on the like occasion. Indeede you say true (replyed Buffalmaco) but what is the opinion of Calandrino? Is he willing to haue this try all made, or no? Yes, by all meanes, answered Calandrino, for gladly I would know who hath stolne my Brawne; and your good words haue (more then halfe) comfor∣ted me already in this case.

Well then (quoth Bruno) I will take the paines to go to Florence, to prouide all things necessarie for this secret seruice, but I must bee fur∣nished with money to effect it. Calandrino had some forty, shillings then about him, which he deliuered to Bruno, who presently went

to Florence, to a frend of his an Apothecarie, of whom he bought a pound of white Ginger, which hee caused him to make vppe in small Pilles: and two other beside of a Dogges-dates or Dowsets, confected all ouer with strong Aloes, yet well moulded in Sugare, as all the rest were: and because they should the more easily bee knowne from the other, they were spotted with Gold, in verie for∣mall and Physicall manner. He bought moreouer, a big Flaggon of the best Malmesey, returning backe with all these things to Ca∣landrino, and directing him in this order.

You must put some friend in trust, to inuite your Neighbors (especi∣ally such as you suspect) to a breakfast in the morning: and because it is done as a feast in kindnesse, they will come to you the more willing∣ly. This night will I and Buffalmaco take such order, that the Pilles shall haue the charge imposed on them, and then wee will bring them hither againe in the morning: and I my selfe (for your sake) will de∣liuer them to your guests, and performe whatsoeuer is to bee sayde or done. On the next morning, a goodly company being assembled, vnder a faire Elme before the Church; as well young Florentynes (who purposely came to make themselues merry) as neighbouring Husbandmen of the Village: Bruno was to begin the seruice, with the Pils in a faire Cup, and Buffalmaco followed him with another Cup, to deliuer the wine out of the Flaggon, all the company bee∣ing set round, as in a circle; and Bruno with Buffalmaco being in the midst of them, Bruno thus spake.

Honest friends, it is fit that I should acquaint you with the occasion, why we are thus met together, and in this place: because if anie thing may seeme offensiue to you; afterward you shall make no complaint of me. From Calandrino (our louing friend heere prefent) yesternight there was a new-kild fat Brawne taken, but who hath done the deede, as yet he knoweth not; and because none other, but some one (or more) heere among vs, must needs offend in this case: he, desiring to vnder∣stand who they be, would haue each man to receiue one of these Pilles, and afterward to drinke of this Wine; assuring you all, that whosoeuer stole the Brawne hence, cannot be able to swallow the Pill: for it wil be so extreme bitter in his mouth, as it will enforce him to Coughe and spet extraordinarily. In which respect, before such a notorious shame be receiued, and in so goodly an assembly, as now are heere present: it were much better for him or them that haue the Brawne, to confesse it in priuate to this honest Priest, and I will abstaine from vrging anie such publike proofe.

Euery one there present answered, that they were well conten∣ted both to eate and drinke, and let the shame fall where it deser∣ued; whereupon, Bruno appointing them how they should sit, and placing Calandrino as one among them: he began his counterfeite

exorcisme, giuing each man a Pill, and Buffalmaca a Cup of Wine after it. But when he came to Calandrino, hee tooke one of them which was made of the Dogges dates or Dowsets, and deliuering it into his hand, presently hee put it into his mouth and chewed it. So soone as his tongue tasted the bitter Aloes, he began to coughe and spet extreamly, as being vtterly vnable, to endure the bitter∣nesse and noysome smell. The other men that had receyued the Pils, beganne to gaze one vpon another, to see whose behauiour should discouer him; and Bruno hauing not (as yet) deliuered Pils to them all, proceeded on still in his businesse, as seeming not to heare any coughing, till one behinde him, saide. What meaneth Calandrino by this spetting and coughing?

Bruno sodainely turning him about, and seeing Calandrino to cough and spet in such sort, saide to the rest. Be not too rash (honest Friends) in iudging of any man, some other matter (then the Pille) may procure this Coughing, wherfore he shall receiue another, the bet∣ter to cleare your beleefe concerning him. He hauing put the second prepared Pill into his mouth, while Bruno went to serue the rest of the Guests: if the first was exceeding bitter to his taste, this other made it a great deale worse, for teares streamed forth of his eyes as bigge as Cherry-stones, and champing and chewing the Pill, as ho∣ping it would ouercome his coughing; he coughed and spette the more violently, and in grosser manner then he did before, nor did they giue him any wine to helpe it.

Buffalmaco, Bruno, and the whole company, perceiuing how he continued still his coughing and spetting, saide all with one voyce, That Calandrino was the Theefe to himselfe: and gaue him manie grosse speeches beside, all departing home vnto their houses, very much displeased and angry with him. After they were gone, none remained with him but the Priest, Bruno and Buffalmaco, who thus spake to Calandrino. I did euer thinke, that thou wast the theefe thy selfe, yet thou imputedst thy robbery to some other, for feare we should once drinke freely of thy purse, as thou hast done many times of ours. Calandrino, who had not yet ended his coughing and spetting, sware many bitter Oathes, that his Brawne was stolne from him. Talke so long as thou wilt, quoth Buffalmaco, thy knauery is both knowne and seene, and well thou mayst be ashamed of thy selfe. Calan∣drino hearing this, grew desperately angry; and to incense him more, Bruno thus pursued the matter.

Heare me Calandrino, for I speake to thee in honest earnest, there was a man in the company, who did eate and drinke heere among thy neighbours, and plainly told me, that thou keptst a young Lad heere to do thee seruice, feeding him with such victuals as thou couldst spare, by him thou didst send away thy Brawne, to one that bought it of thee

for foure Crownes, onely to cousen thy poore wife and vs. Canst thou not yet learne to leaue thy mocking and scorning? Thou hast forgotte, how thou broughtst vs to the plaine of Mugnone, to seeke for black in∣uisible stones: which hauing found, thou concealedst them to thy selfe, stealing home inuisibly before vs, and making vs follow like fooles af∣ter thee.

Now likewise, by horrible lying Oathes, and periured protestations, thou wouldst make vs to beleeue, that the Brawne (which thou hast cunningly sold for ready money) was stolne from thee out of thy house, when thou art onely th•• Theefe to thy selfe, as by that excellent rule of Art (which neuer faileth) hath plainly, to thy shame, appeared. Wee being so well acquainted with thy delusions, and knowing them per∣fectly; now do plainly tell thee, that we mean not to be foold any more. Nor is it vnknowne to thee, what paines vvee haue taken, in making this singular peece of proofe. Wherefore we inflict this punishment on thee, that thou shalt bestow on this honest Priest and vs, two couple of Capons, and a Flaggon of Wine, or else we will discouer this knauery of thine to thy Wife.

Calandrino perceiuing, that all his protestations could winne no credit with them, who had now the Law remaining in their owne hands, and purposed to deale with him as they pleased: apparant∣ly saw, that sighing and sorrow did nothing auaile him. Moreouer, to fall into his wiues tempestuous stormes of chiding, would bee worse to him then racking or torturing: he gladly therefore gaue them money, to buy the two couple of Capons and Wine, being heartily contented likewise, that hee was so well deliuered from them. So the merry Priest, Bruno, and Buffalmaco, hauing taken good order for salting the Brawne; closely carried it with them to Florence, leauing Calandrino to complaine of his losse, and well re∣quited, for mocking them with the inuisible stones.