Abuses stript, and whipt. Or Satirical essayes. By George Wyther. Diuided into two bookes

THE OCCASION.

Of this worke.

VVHen nimble Time, that all things ouer-runs; Made me forsake my tops and elderne guns Reaching those yeares in which the schoole boyes bragge In leauing off the bottle and the bagg: The very spring before I grew so old, That I had amost thrice fiue winters told, Noting my other fellow-pupils hast, That to our English Athens flockt so fast: Least others for a truant should suspect me, That had the selfe-same Tutor to direct me And in a manner counting it a shame, To vndergoe so long a Schoole-boyes name, Thither went I; for (though Ile not compare) With any of them that my fellowes were; Yet then (Ile speake it to my Teachers praise) I was vnfurnisht of no needfull layes; Nor any whit for Grammar rules to seeke, In Lillies Latine, nor in Camdens Greeke.

But so well grounded that another day, I could not with our idle students say For an excuse I was ill enter'd; no: There are too-many know it was not so; And therefore since I came no wiser thence, I must confesse it was my negligence, Yet daily longing to behold and see, The places where the sacred Sisters be; I was so happy to that Foard I came, Of which an Oxe, they say, beares halfe the name: It is the spring of knowledge that imparts, A thousand seuerall Sciences, and Arts, A Christall fount, whose water is by ods, Far sweeter then the Nectar of the Gods: Or for to giue't a title that befits, It is the very Nurcery of wits; There once arriued, cause my wits were raw, I fell to wondring at each thing I saw And for my learning made a monthes vacation, In nothing of the places scituation: The Palaces and Temples that were due Vnto the wife Mineruaes hallowed crew; Their cloisters, walkes, and groues all which suruei'd, And in my new admittance well apaid; I did (as other idle Freshmen doe) Long for to see the Bell of Osney to: But yet, indeed (may not I grieue to tell?) I neuer dranke at Aristotles Well. And that perhaps may be the reason why, I know so little in Philosophy.

Yet old Sir Harry Bath was not forgot, In the remembrance of whose wondrous shot, The Forrest by (beleeue it they that will) Retaines the surname of shot-ouer still: Then hauing seene enough, and therewithall, Got some experience at the Tennisball, My Tutor (telling me I was not sent, There to be idle, but with an intent, For to encrease my knowledge), cald me in, And with his graue instructions did begin To teach: And by his good perswasions sought, To bring me to a loue of what he taught: Then after that he gan for to impart, The hidden secrets of the Logick Art; In steed of grammer rules he taught me than, Old Scotus, Seton, and new Keckerman. He shew'd me which the Predicables be, As Genus, Species, and th' other three, So hauing said enough of their contents, Handles in order the ten Praedicaments, Then Post praedicaments: with Priorum, Perhermenias and posteriorum: He with the Topicks opens; and descries Elenchi, full of subtile falacies: These to vnfold (indecd) he tooke some paine, But to my dull capacity in vaine: For all he spake was to as little passe, As in old time vnto the vulger was Their Latine seruice, which they vnderstood Aswel as did a horse to do them good,

And I his meaning did as neere coniecture, As if he had beene reading Hebrew lecture; His Infinites, Indiuiduit••es, Contrari's, and Subcontrarieti's, Diuisions: Subdiuisions, and a crew Of tearmes and wordes such as I neuer knew; My shallow vnderstanding so confounded, That I was grauel'd like a ship that's grounded; And in despaire the mistery to gaine, Neglecting all tooke neither heed nor paine, Yea, I remaind in that amazed plight, Till Cinthia sixe times lost her borrowed light, But then ashamd to find my selfe still mute, And other little Dandiprats dispute, That could distinguish vppon Rationale, Yet scarcely heard of Ver••um Personale; And could by heart (like Parots) in the Schooles, Stād pratling, those me thought were pretty fooles, And therefore in some hope to profit so, That I like them (at least) might make a show: I reacht my bookes that I had cast about, (To see if I could pick the meaning out) And prying on them with some diligence, At length I felt my dull intelligence Begin to open; and perceiued more, In halfe an houre then halfe a yeare before, And which is strange the thinges I had forgot, And till that very day remembred not, Since first my Tutor read them; those did then, Returne into my memory agen,

••o that with which I had so much to do, A weeke made easie, yea and pleasing too. But then with that not thoroughly content, ••practis'd to maintaine an Argument, And hauing waded thorough Sophistrie, ••ell vnto reading of Philosophy; And thinking there the Ethicks not enough, •• also had a longing for to know, The cause of snow, haile, thunder, frost, and raine, ••he lightenings, meteors, and what here 'twere vaine For me to speake of; since I shall but show-it, ••o those that better then my selfe do know-it. Then from the causes of thinges naturall, ••went to matters Metaphisical: Of which when I a little newes could tell, •• (as the rest did) vnto wrangling fell. And as the fashion was for to disgrace her, When I oppos'd the truth I could out-face her, ••ut now ensues the worst, I getting foot, ••nd well digesting Learnings bitter Root: ••eady to tast the fruit; and when I thought ••hould a Calling in that place haue sought, ••ound I was for other ends ordain'd, ••ea to forsake this course I was constrain'd: ••or fortune that full many a boone hath lost me, ••hus in the reaping my contentment, crost me. ••u sir (quoth she) that I must make my slaue, ••or whom in store a thousand plagues I haue, ••ome home, I pray, and learne to hold the plough, ••or you haue read Philosophy enough.

If wrangling in the schooles be such a sport, Go to those Ploydens in the Inns of Court, For aske your parish-neighbors they can tell, Those fellowes do maintaine contention well; For Art in numbers you no coile need keep, A little skill shall serue to tell your sheepe: Seeke not the Stars thy euils should relate, Least when thou know them, thou grow desperate; And let alone Geometry, tis vaine, Ile find you worke enough to marre your braine; Or would you study Musique? else 'twere pitty, And yet it needs not, you shall find Ile fit ye: Ile teach you how to frame a song, and will Prouide you cares to be the subiect stil: This, Fortune or my Fate, did seem to tel me, And such a chance, indeed, ere long befell me, For ere my yeares would suffer me to be, Admitted for to take the lowest degree; By Fates appointment (that no stay can brook) The Paradise of England I forsooke, And seing I was forc't to leaue those mountaines, Fine groues, faire walks, & sweet delightful fountains And since it might not vnto me be granted, To keepe those places where the Muses hanted, I home returned somwhat discontent, And to our Bentworth beechy shadowes went: Bewailing these my first endeauors lost, And so to be by angy fortune crost, Who though she dayly do much mischiefe to me, Can neuer whilst I liue a greater do me;

And yet in that, ere she procur'd her will, I learnt enough to scorne a Fortune still: Yea vse hath made her enuy seeme so vaine, That I am almost proud in her disdaine: But being back returnd, as I haue said, Hauing a little in the Country stai'd, I there espi'de (as I had long suspected) I (vndeseru'd) of some was ill affected, And that by those tis thought my friends had been, But though they kept ther mallice long vnseene, And made faire showes as if they sought my good; Yet they the same of all men most with-stood, For, (seeming kind) they often did perswade My friends, to learne me some Mechannick trade, Vrging expence (perhaps) and telling how, That Learning is but little made of now; When twas through mallice, cause they feard that I Might come to vnderstand my state thereby, Exceed their knowledge, and attaine to do, My selfe more good, then they could wish me to: For that, a worse, or some such scuruy end, This selfe-conceited crew did euer bend Their spitefull heads, by secret meanes to crosse My wisht desire, and to procure my losse: But hauing noted this their hollownesse, And finding that meere Country businesse, Was not my Calling; to auoyd their spight, (Which at that season was not showne outright) I to the City often did resort, To see if either that place, or the Court,

Would yeeld preferment; but in vaine I sought, Ill fortune still my hopes confusion wrought. Which though for an ill signe some vnderstood, Yet I presum'd vppon some future good. For though I scarce am wisht so well of some, I hope I haue a happy time to come: Which, when I haue most need of comfort, shall Send me true Ioy to make amends for all; But say it be not whilst I draw this ayre, I haue a heart (I hope) shall nere dispaire; Because there is a God, with whom I trust, My soule shall triumph, when my bodie's dust; But when I found that my endeauours still, Fell out as they would haue't that wisht me ill, And when I saw the world was growne so coy, To deeme me then to young for to employ: And that her greatnes thought she did not want me Or found no Calling bad enough to grant me, (And hauing scapt a thrall which Ile not touch, Here in this place, for feare I haue too much Spoke on't elsewhere;) I say well weighing this, Together what a foule reproch it is, To be still idle: and because I spide How glad they would be that my state enuide To find me so although the world doth scorne T' allow me action, as if I were borne Before my time; yet for to let them see In spight of fortune Ile employed be; Casting Preferments too much care aside And leauing that to God for to prouide;

The times abuses I obseru'd and then In generall the state and tricks of men, Wherein although my labour were not seene, Yet (trust me) the discouery hath been, My great content: and I haue for my paine, Although no outward, yet an inward gaine. Of which because I can with all my heart, Allow my Country-men to haue a part, And cause I thinke it may do some a pleasure, On opportunity Ile now take seisure, And summon vp my Muse to make relation, I may b' imploid ere long, now's my Vacation.