Wits recreations. Selected from the finest fancies of moderne muses

Wits Recreations.

1 To the Reader.

EXcuse me Reader though I now and than In some light lines doe shew my selfe a man, Nor be so sowre, some wanton words to blame They are the language of an Epigram.

2 On Battus

Battus doth bragge he hath a world of bookes His studies maw holds more then well it may, But seld' or never he upon them looks And yet he looks upon them every day,

He looks upon their out-side, but within He never looks, nor never will begin: Because it cleane against his nature goes To know mens secrets, so he keeps them close.

3 On the same

I pray thee Battus, adde unto thy store This booke of mine to make thy number more; It is well bound, well printed, neatly strung, And doth deserve to have a place among Th'inhabitants of thy Vatican, if thou Wilt so much favor to its worth allow.

4. An evill age.

Virgill of Mars and ruthfull wars did treat, Ovid of Venus love, and peace did write: Yet Virgill for his strain was counted great, And Ovid for his love was bannished quite; No marvell then if c••ur••ezie grow cold, When hare is prais'd and love it self control'd.

5 On a woman's will.

How dearly doth the simple husband buy, His wiv••s defect of will, when she doth dy?

Bett••r in death by will to let her give, Then let her have her will whilst she doth live.

6. To a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ••eader.

Thou say'st these verses are rude, ragged, rough, Not like some others, ••imes smooth dainty ••••uffe: Epigrames are like satires rough without, Like chesse-nuts sweet, take thou the kernell out.

7 Of a Iudge.

Were I to choose a Captain I would than, Not choose your courtier or a youthfull man, No, I would choose a judge, one grim and grave; To make a Captain such a man I'de crave: Give me that man, whose frowning brow is death, I, such an one, as can kill men with breath.

8 Of Poet••s.

Poetus with fine sonnets painteth forth, This and that soul Ladyes beauties worth: He shewes small wit thereby, and for his paines, By my consent he never shall reape gains, Why what need poets paint them? O sweet Elves? When Ladyes paint their beauties best themselves.

9 On an up-start.

Pray wrong not (late-coyn'd) give the man his right He's made a gentleman although no knight, For now 'tis cloths the gentleman doth make, Men from gay cloths their pedigrees do take; But wot you what's the armes to such mens house•• Why this—hands chacing of a rampant louse.

10 Ad Clodium.

Wir, once thou said'st was worth thy weight in gold Though now't be common for a trifle sold; It dearer seems to thee, that get'st not any, When thou should'st use it, for thy love or money

11 In Getam.

Geta from wool and weaving first began, Swelling and swelling to a gentleman, When he was gentleman and bravely dight: He left not swelling till he was a knight; At last forgetting what he was at first, He swole to be a Lord, and then he burst.

12 In Fimum.

Fimus is coach'd and for his farther grace, Doth a ske his friends how he becomes the place; Troth I should tell him, the poor coach hath wrong And that a cart would serve to carry dung.

13 Asper••m ••imis condimentum.

Monsieur Albanus new invested is, With sundry suits and fashions passing fit, But never any came so neer as this, For joy whereof Albanus frollique is: Untill the Taylours bill of solvi fias, Diverts his humor to another bias.

14 Gender and number.

Singular sins and plurall we commit; And we in every gender vary it.

15 At••eists pastimes.

Grammarians talk of times past and hereafter: I spend time present in pastime and laughter.

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16 To Sr. Iohn Suckling.

If learning will beseem a Courtier well, If honour 〈◊〉〈◊〉 on those who dare excell, Then let not Poets envy but admire, The eager flames of thy poetique fire; For whilst the world loves wit, Aglaura shall, Phoenix-like live after her funerall.

17 On a braggadocio.

Don Lollus brags, he comes of noble blood, Drawn down from Brutus line; 'tis very good! If this praise-worthy be, each flea may then, Boast of his blood more then some gentlemen.

18 To Mr. George Sands.

Sweet-tongued Ovid, though strange tales ••e told, Which gods and men did act in dayes of old, What various shapes for love sometimes they took; To purchase what they ay••'d at: could he look, But back upon himself he would admire, The sumptuous bravery of that rich attire;

Which Sands hath clad him with, & then place this His change amongst their Metamorphosis.

19 To Mr. William Habbington on his Castara, a Poem.

Thy Muse is chaste and thy Castara too, ••Tis strange at Court, & thou hadst power to woo And to obtain (what others were deny'd) The fair Castara for thy vertuous bride: Enjoy what you dare wish, and may there bee, Fair issues branch from both, to honor thee.

20 To Mr. Francis Beaumont and Mr. Iohn Fletcher gent.

Twin-stars of poetry, whom we justly may, Call the two-tops of learn'd Pernassus-Bay, Peerlesse for freindship and for numbers sweet; Whom oft the Muses swaddled in one sheet: Your works shall still be prais'd and dearer sold, For our new-nothings doe extoll your old.

21 On apump stopt with stones.

M.

I'le cut it down, I swear by this same hand, If 'twill not run, it shall no longer stand.

R.

Pray ••ir be patient, let your pump alone, How can it water-make when't hath the stone. Yet did he wisely when he did it fell, For in so doing he did make it well.

22 To Mr. Benjamin Iohnson.

Had Rome but heard her worthies speak so high, As thou hast taught them in thy Poesie; She would have sent her poets to obtain, (Tutour'd by thee) thy most majestique strain.

23. In Aulam.

Thou still art mutring Aulus in mine eare, Love me and love my dog, I will I swear, Thou ask'st but right and Aulus truth to tell, I think thy dog deserves my love as well.

24 To Mr. George Chapman on his Translation of Homers works into English meeter.

Thou Ghost of Homer 'twere no fault to call, His the translation thine the Originall, Did we not know 'twas done by thee so well; Thou makest Homer, Homers self excell.

25 To Mr. William Shake-spear.

Shake-speare we must be silent in thy pra••se, 'Cause our encomion's will but blast thy Bayes, Which envy could not, that thou didst do well; Let thine own histories prove thy Chronicle.

26 Ad Tilenum.

Tilenus 'cause th'art old, fly not the field, Where youthfull Cupid doth his banner weild For why•• this god, old men his souldiers stil'd None loves, but he, who hath bin twice a child.

27 To Mr. Thomas Randolph.

Thou darling of the Muses for we may Be thought deserving, if what was thy play Our utmost labours can produce, we will Freely allow thee heir unto the hill, The Muses did assign thee, and think 't fit, Thy younger yeares should have the elder-wit.

28 In Paulum.

Paul what my cloak doth hide thou fain wouldst know Were't to be seen I would not cover't so.

29 Of sleep and death.

That death is but a sleep I not deny Yet when I next would sleep, I would not dy.

30 Ad Lectorem.

Reader thou see'st how pale these papers look, Whiles they fear thy hard censure on this book.

31 Ad Momum.

Momus thou say'st our verses are but ••oyes, Tis true, yet truth is often spoken by boyes.

32 On Thraso.

Thraso goes lame with a blow he did receive, In a late duell, if you'll him beleeve.

33 News.

When news doth come if any would discusse, The letters of the word, resolve it thus: News is convay'd by letter, word or mouth And comes to us, from north, east, west and sout••

34 Of Ru••us.

Rufus had robb'd his host and being put to it; Said I'm an arrar••t rogue, if I did doe it.

35 Of Marcus.

When Marcus fail'd a borrowed sum to pay, Unto his freind at the appointed day: 'Twere superstition for a man he sayes, To be a strict observer of set dayes.

36 Of a theefe.

A theefe arested and in custody, Under strong guards of armed company, Ask't why they held him so? Sir quoth the cheife▪ We hold you for none other than a theif.

37 Of motion.

Motion brings heat, and thus we see it prov'd Most men are hot and angry, when they're mov'd

38 Ad Scriptorem.

Half of your book is to an index grown, You give your book contents, your reader none.

39 Domi••a Margarita Sandis: Anagramma.

Anne domi das Marg••••it as?

VVhy do wee seek & saile abroad to find, Those pearls which do adorn the female-kind, Within our seas there comes unto our hands, A matchlesse Margaryte among the Sands.

40 Man.

Man's like the earth, his hair like grasse is grown, His veins the rivers are, his heart the stone.

41 Vita via.

Well may mans life be likened to a way, Many be weary of their life they 'll say.

42 To Mr. Thomas May.

Thou son of Mercury whose fluent tongue Made Lucan finish his Pharsalian song, Thy fame is equall, better is thy fate, Thou hast got Charles his love, he Nero's hate.

43 On Harpax.

Harpax gave to the poor all by his will, Because his heir should no feign'd teares distill.

44 On Sextu••.

Sextus doth wish his wife in heaven were Where can shee have more happines then there.

45 To Mr. George Wyt••ers.

Th'hast whipp'd our vices shrewdly and we may, Think on thy scourge untill our dying-day: Th▪ hast given us a Remembrancer which shall, Outlast the vices we are tax'd withall, Th••'ha••t made us both eternall, for our shame Shall never Wyther, whilst thou hast a name.

46 On a Drawer drunk.

Drawer with thee now even is thy wine, For thou hast peirc'd his hogs-head and he thine.

47 Vpon the weights of a clock.

I wonder time's so swift, when as I see, Upon her heeles, such lumps of lead to bee.

48 To Mr. Thomas Middleton.

F••cetious Middleton thy witty Muse, Hath pleased all, that books or men peruse If any thee dispise, he doth but show, Antipathy to wit, in daring so: Thy fam's above his malice and 'twilbe, Dispraise enough for him, to censure thee.

49 On Cyn••••.

Because, I am not of a Giant's stature, Despise me not, nor praise thy liberall nature, For thy huge limbs, that you are great 'tis true, And that I'm little in respect of you, The reason of our growths is eas'ly had, You many had perchance, I but one Dad.

50 To Mr. Iames Shirly on his Comedy viz. the yong Admirall.

How all our votes are for thee (S••irly) come Conduct our troops, strike up Apollo's drum, We wait upon thy summons and do all, Intend to choose thee our yong Admirall:

51 On Alastrus.

Alastrus hath nor coyn, nor spirit nor wit, I thinke hee's only then for Bedlam fit.

52 On Macer.

You call my verses ••oyes th' are so 'tis true, Yet they are better, then ought comes from you.

53 To Mr. Philip Massinger.

Apollo's Messenger, who doth impart To us the edicts of his learned art, We cannot but respect thee, for we know, Princes are honour'd in their Legats so.

54 On Celsus.

Celsus doth love himself, Celsus is wise, For now no rivall ere can claime his prize.

55 On Candidus.

When I am sick not else thou com'st to see me: Waild fortune from both torments still would free me.

56 To Mr. Iohn Ford.

If e're the Muses did admire that well, Of Hellicon as elder times do tell, I dare presume to say upon my word; They much more pleasure take in thee rare Ford

57 On Paulus.

Because thou followst some great Peer at Court, Dost think the world deem's thee a great one for•• Ah no! thou art mistaken Paulus, know Dwarfs still as pages unto giants goe.

58 To Mr. Thomas Heywood.

Thou hast writ much and art admir'd by those, Who love the easie ambling of thy prose; But yet thy pleasingst flight, was somewhat hig•• When thou did'st touch the angels Hyerarchie: Fly that way still it will become thy age, And better please then groveling on the stage.

59 On a cowardly Souldier.

Strotzo doth weare no ring upon his hand, ••lthough he be a man of great command;

But gilded spurs do jingle at his heeles Whose rowels are as big as some coach-wheels, He grac'd them well, for in the Netherlands, His heels d••d him more service then his hands.

60 To Mr. Thomas Goffe on his tragedies.

When first I heard the Turkish Emperours speak, In such a dialect, and O••estes break His silence in such language, I admir'd What powerful favorite of the Nimphs inspir'd Into their Souls such utterance, but I wrong, To think 'twas learnt from any but thy tongue.

61 On Cornuto.

Cornuto is not jealous of his wife, Nor e're mistrust's her too la••civious life, Aske him the reason why he doth forbeare, Hee'l answer straight, it commeth with a fear.

62 On a Shrew.

A froward shrew being blam'd because she show'd, Not so much reverence as by right she ow'd Unto her husband, she reply'd he might Forbeare complaint of me, I do him right▪

His will is mine, he would beare rule, and I Desire the like, onely in sympathy.

63 On a youth married to an old woman.

Fond youth I wonder why thou didst intend To marry her who is so neer her end, Thy fortune I dare tell, perchance thou'lt have At supper dainties; but in bed a grave.

64 On a dying Vsurer.

With greater grief non doth death entertain, Then wretched Chrysalus, he sighs a mayn, Not that he dyes, but 'cause much cost is spent Upon the Sexton and his regiment The joviall ringers, and the Curate must Have his fee too, when dust is turn'd to dust, And which is greater then the former sum, Hee'l pay an angell for a Moor-stone-tomb.

65 On a fly in a glasse.

A fly out of his glasse a guest did take, E're with the liquor he his thirst would slake, When he had drunk his fill, again the fly Into the glasse he put, and said though I

Love not flyes in my drink, yet others may, Whose humour I nor like, nor will gain-say.

66 On Collimus.

If that Collimus any thing do lend, Or dog, or horse, or hawk unto his friend, He to endear the borrowers love the more, Saith he ne'r lent it any one before, Nor would to any but to him: his wife Having observ'd these speeches all her life, Behind him forks her fingers and doth cry: To none but you, I'd doe this courtesie.

67 Auri-sacra fames-qui•• non?

A smoothfac'd youth was wedded to an old, Decrepit shrew, such is the power of gold: That love did tye this knot, the end will prove, The love of money not the god of love.

68 On Sex••us.

What great revenews Sextus doth possesse, When as his sums of gold are numberlesse, What cannot Sextus have? I wonder then, Sextus cann't live as well as other men.

69 Good wits jump.

Against a post a scholler chanc'd to strike, At unawares his head, like will to like: Good wits will jump (quoth he) if that be true The title of a block-head is his due.

70 On Womens Maskes.

It seems that Masks do women much disgrace, Sith when they weare them they do hide their face.

71 On Lepidus and his wife.

Lepidus married somewhile to a shrew, She sick'ned, he in jesting wise to shew How glad her death would make him; said sweet-heart I pray you e're you sing loath to depart Tell who shall be my second wife, and I After your death will wed her instantly, She somewhat vext hereat, straightway reply'd Then let grim Pluto's daughter be your bride. He answer'd wife I would your will obey, But that our laws my willingnesse gain-say: For he who Pluto's sister takes to wife, Cannot his daughter too upon my life.

72 Vpon a pair of Tongs.

The burnt child dreads the fire; if this be true, Who first invented tongs it's fury knew.

73 On Celsus his works.

Celsus to please himselfe, a book hath writ: It seem's so, for there's few that buyeth it. He is no popular man it thereby seems; Sith men condemn, what he praise worthy deems, Yet this his wisdome and his book prefer, Disprais'd by all, they think both singular.

74 The Devill and the Fryar.

The Devill was once deceived by a fryar, Who though he sold his soul cheated the buyer, The devill was promist if he would supply, The Fryar with coyn at his necessity, When all the debts he ow'd discharg'd were quite, The Devill should have his soul as his by right, The Devill defray'd all scores, payd all, at last, Demanded for his due, his soul in haste: The Fryar return'd this answer, if I ow You any debts at all, then you must know,

I am indebted still, if nothing be Due unto you, why do you trouble me?

75 To Phillis.

Aske me not Phillis why I do refuse To kisse thee as the most of gallants use, For seeing oft thy dog to fawn and skip Upon thy lap and joyning lip to lip, Although thy kisses I full fain would crave; Yet would I not thy dog my rivall have.

76 Of Charidem••s.

Although thy neighbour have a handsom horse, Matchlesse for comly shape, for hue and course And though thy wife thou knowest ill-shapen ••e, Yet Charidemus praises mightily, His ugly wife and doth the horse dispraise: How subtilly the fox his engin layes, For he desires his neighbours horse to buy, And sell his wife to any willingly.

77 Of Clytus.

Clytus the barber doth occasion fly, Because 'tis bal'd and he gains nought thereby.

78 On Balbus.

Balbus a verse on Venus, boy doth scan, But ere 'twas fini••••'d Cupid's grown a man.

79 On Comptulus.

I wonder'd Comptulus, how thy long hair In comely curles could show so debonair And every hair in order be, when as Thou could'st not trim it by a looking-glasse, Nor any barber did thy tresses pleat, 'Tis strange; but Monsieur I conceive the feat When you your hair do kemb, you off it take And order 't as you please for fashions sake.

80 On Gellius.

In building of his house, Gellius hath spent All his revenews and his ancient rent, Aske not a reason why Gellius is poor. His great house hath turn'd him out of door.

81 To Ponticus.

At supper-time will Poutus visit me, I'd rather have his room then companie;

But if him▪ from me I can no wayes fright, I'd have him visit me each fasting night.

82 On a Pot-poet.

What lofty verses Cael••s writes? it is, But when his head with wine oppressed is, So when great drops of rain fall from the skyes In standing pools, huge bubles will arise.

83 On Onellus.

Thou never supp'st abroad, Onellus, true; For at my home I'm sure to meet with you.

84 On Wine.

What? must we then on muddy tap-lash swill, Neglecting sack? which makes the poet's quill To thunder forth high raptures, such as when Sweet-tongued Ovid erst with his smooth pen, In flourishing Rome did write; frown god of win•• To see how most men disesteem thy Vines.

85 On beere.

Is no juice pleasing but the grapes? is none, So much beloved? doth perfection,

Onely conjoyn in wine? or doth the well Of Aganippe with this liquor swell, That Po••ts thus affect it? shall we crown, A meer ex••tique? and contemn our own, Our native liquor? haunt who list the grape, He more esteem our Oate, whose reed shall make, An instrument to warble forth her praise, Which shall survive untill the date of daies, And eke invoke some potent power divine, To patronize her worth above the vine.

86 On a vaunting Poetaster.

C••cilius boasts his verses worthy bee, To be engraven on a Cypresse tree, A Cypresse wreath befits 'em well; 'tis true, For they are neer their death, and crave but due.

87 On Philos.

If Philos, none but those are dead, doe praise, I would I might displease him all his dayes.

88 On a valiant Souldier.

A Spanish Souldier in the Indian war, Who oft came off with honor and some scar,

After a teadious battle, when they were Enforc'd for want of bullets to forbear, Farther to encounter, which the Savage Moor Perceiving, scoff'd, and nearer then before, Approach'd the Christian host, the souldier grie•• To be out brav'd, yet could not be reliev'd Beyond all patience vex'd, he said although I bullets want, my self will wound the foe; Then from his mouth, took he a tooth and sent, A fatall message to their regiment, What armes will fury steed men with, when we. Can from our selves have such artillery; Sampson thy jaw-bone can no trophy reare Equall to his, who made his tooth his speare.

89 On Aurispa.

Why doth the world repute Aurispa learn'd? Because she gives men what they never earn'd.

90 On Paulus.

Those verses which thou mad'st I did condemn, Nor did I censure thee in censuring them, Thou mad'st them, but sith them in print I see, They must the peoples not the authors bee.

91 On Alexander the great.

If Alexander thought the world but small Because his conquering hand subdu'd it all, He should not then have stil'd himself the great, An Infants stool can be no giants seat.

92 On a vertuous talker.

If vertue's alwaies in thy mouth, how can It ere have time to reach thy heart fond man?

93 On a land-skip in the lid of his Mrs. Virginals.

Behold Don Phoebus in yon shady grove, On his sweet harp plaies Roundelaies of love, Mark how the fatyr grim Marsyas playes On his rude pipe, hi•• merry-harmlesse layes, Mark how the swaines attentively admire, Both to the sound of pipe and tang of lyre; But if you on these Virginals will play, They both will cast their instruments away, And deeming it the ••••sique of the Spheares Admire your musique as the swains do theirs

94 Vpon pigs devouring a bed of penny-royall commonly called Organs.

A good wife once a bed of Organs set, The pigs came in and eate up every whit, The good-man said wife you your garden may Hogs Norton call, here pigs on Organs play.

95 On a fortune-teller.

The influence of the stars are known to thee, By whom thou canst each future fortune see Yet, sith thy wife doth thee a cuckold make, 'Tis strange they do not that to thee partake.

96 On sore eyes.

Fuscus was councell'd if he would preserve, His eyes in perfect sight drinking to swerve; But he replyd' tis better that I shu'd Loose them, then keep them for the worms as food

97 On a gallant.

A glittering gallant, from a prauncing steed, Alighting down, desir'd a boy with speed

To hold his horse a while, he made reply, Can one man hold him fast? 'twas answerd I, If then one man can hold him sir, you may Do it your self, quoth he, and slunk away.

98 On an inevitable Cuckold.

Two wives th' hast buried and another wed, Yet neither of the three chaste to thy bed, Wherefore thou blam'st not onely them, but all Their Sex into disgrace and scorn dost call, Yet if the thing thou wilt consider well, Thou wilt thy malice, and this rage expell, For when the three were all alike 't should seem Thy stars gave thee the Cuckold's anadem, If thou wert born to be a wittoll, can Thy wife prevent thy fortune? foolish man! That woman which a Hellen is to thee, Would prove another mans Penelope.

99 On an empty house.

Lollus by night awak'd heard theeves about His house, and searching narrowly throughout To find some pillage there, he said you may By night, but I can find nought here by day.

100 On a bragging coward.

Corsus in campe, when as his mates betook, Themselves to dine, encourag'd them, and spoke, Have a good stomake Lads, this night we shall In heaven at supper keep a festivall, But battle joynd he fled away in haste, And said I had forgot, this night I fast.

101 On a great nose.

Thy nose no man wipe, Proclus unlesse He have a hand as big as Hercules, When thou dost sneeze the sound thou dost not heare, Thy nose is so far distant from thine eare.

102 On an unequall paire.

Faire Pbi••••is is to churlish Pris••us wed, As stronger wine with waters mingled, Priscus his love to Phillis more doth glow; With fervency then fire, her's cold as snow; 'Tis well for if their flames alike did burn, One house would be to hot to serve their turn.

103 On a changeable raiment.

Know you why Lollus changeth every day, His Perriwig, his face and his array, 'Tis not because his commings in are much, Or cause hee'll swill it with the roaring dutch; But 'cause the Sergeants (who a writ have had Long since against him) should not know the lad.

104 On the ensuring office.

Linus met Thuscus on the burse by chance, And swore he'd drink a health to th'heir of France For on th' exchange for currant news 'twas told, France had a Daulphin not yet seaven dayes old, Thuscus excus'd himself, and said he must By all meanes go to th' ensuring office first, And so ensure some goods, he doubted were, Unlikely else ere to his hands appeare, Linus replyd Ile with thee then, for I Would have my lands ensur'd to me in fee Which otherwise I doubt, I never shall, From debt and morgage ere redeem at all.

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105 On a Tennis-court haunter.

The world's a court, we are the bals, wherein We bandied are by every stroke of sin, Then onely this can I commend in thee, Thou actest well our frail mortalitie.

106 On Barossa.

Barossa boasts his pedegree although, He knows no letter of the Christ-crosse-row, His house is ancient, and his gentry great, For what more ancient e're was heard of yet Then is the family of fools, how than Dare you not call Barossa gentleman?

107 On Clodius Albinus.

Clodius great cheer for supper doth prepare, Buyes Chickens, Rabbets, Phesants and a hare, Great store of fowl, variety of fish, And tempting sawce serv'd in, in every dish, To this great feast, whom doth he meane t' envite, Aloinus only sups with him to night.

108 On Afer.

Afer hath sold his land and bought a horse, Whereon he p••aunceth to the royall Burse, To be on horse back he delights; wilt know? 'Cause then his company hee'd higher show, But happy chance tall Afer in his pride, Mounts a Gunnelly and on foot doth ride.

109 On Balbulus.

Thou do'st complaine poets have no reward And now adayes they are in no regard: Verses are nothing worth, yet he that buyes, Ought that is thine, at a three-〈◊〉〈◊〉 price, Will think it too too dear, and justly may Think verses are in price, since 〈◊〉〈◊〉 other day, Yea who ere buies 'em at a farthing rate, At the same price can never sell 'em at.

110 To Lycus.

That poetry is good and pleasing thou dost cry, Yet know'st not when 'tis right or when awry Thou know'st great Ovid's censure to abstaine From pleasing good, is vertue's chiefest aime.

111 On Charismus.

Thou hast compos'd a book, which neither age Nor future time shall hurt through all their rage, For how can future times or age invade That work, which perished assoone as made.

112 Of one praising my book.

Harpax doth praise my book I lately writ, Saith it is short and sweet and full of wit; I knew his drift and sayd be silent 'pray, For in good fayth, I've given 'em all away.

113 Facilis discensus averni.

The way to hell is easie, th' other day, A blind man ••hither quickly found the way.

114 Age and Youth.

Admire not youth, despise not age, although Some yong are grave, most old men children grow

115 On Orus.

Orus sold wine, and then Tobacco, now He Aqua-vitae doth his friends allow, What ere he had, is sold, to save his life, And now turn'd Pander he doth sell his wife.

116 On Women.

Women are books and men the readers be, In whom oft times they great Errata's see; Here sometimes wee a blot, there wee espy A leafe misplac'd, at least a line awry; If they are books, I wish that my wife were An Almanacke to change her every yeare

117 On Acerra.

Tobacco hurts the braine phisicians say, Doth dull the wit and memory decay, Yet feare not thou Acerra, for 'twill ne'r Hurt thee so much by use, as by thy feare.

118 On Briso.

Who private lives, lives well, no wonder then You do absent you from the sight of men,

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For out of doores you neer by day appeare, Since last you lost i'th pill••ry your eare.

119 On the King of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 picture.

Who but the halfe of this neat picture drew, That it could ne're be fully done, well knew.

120 To his Mistris.

Hyperbole of worth, should wit suggest. My will with Epithites, and I invest, That shrine but with deserved paraphrase, Adulatory poetry would praise. And so but staine your wo••th: your vertues (or Else none at all) shall be my orator.

121 B. I. answer to a thiefe bidding him stand.

Fly villaine hence or be thy coate of steele, Ile make thy heart, my ••razen b••llet feele, And send that thrice as thievish soul of thine, To hell, to weare the Devils V••lentine.

122 The Theefe's ••eplie.

Art thou great Ben? or the revived ghost Of famous Shake-spear? or som drunken host?

Who being tipfie with thy muddy beer, Dost think thy rimes shall daunt my soul with fear Nay know base slave, that I am one of those, Can take a purse a swell in verse as prose, And when th' art dead, write this upon thy herse; Here lies a Poet that was robb'd in verse.

123 Vpon Clarinda begging a lock of her lovers haire.

Fairest Clarinda, she whom truth cals faire, Begg'd my heart of mee, and a lock of haire Should I give both said I, how should I live, The lock I would, the heart I would not give, For that lest••heeving love should steal away, Discretion had lock'd up and kept the key; As for the locke of haire, which lovers use My head laid on her knee I pray'd her chuse, Taking her ••izars by a cunni••g art, First pick'd the lock, and then she stole my heart.

124 To his Mistris.

Dearest thy twin'd haires are not threds of gold, Nor thine eyes diamonds, nor do I hold, Thy lips for rubies, nor thy cheeks to bee, Fresh roses, nor thy dugs of Ivory,

The skin that doth thy dainty body sheath, Nor Alablaster is, nor dost thou breath, Arabian odours, these the earth brings forth, Compar'd with thine, they would impair thy worth; Such then are other mistrisses, but mine, Hath nothing earth, but all divine.

125 The Answer.

If earth doth never change, nor move, There's nought of earth, sure in thy love, Sith heavenly bodies with each one, Concur in generation, And wanting gravitie are light, Or in a borrowed lustre bright; If meteors and each falling star Of heavenly matter framed are: Earth hath my mistrisse, but sure thine All heavenly is, though not divine.

126 On his Mrs.

I saw faire Flora take the aire, When P••aehus shin'd and it was faire; The heavens to allay the heat, Sent drops of raine, which gently beat The sun retires, asham'd to see That he was barr'd from kissing thee

Then Bore as took such high disdaine, That soon he dri'd those drops again: Ah cunning plot and most ••ivine! Thus to mix his breath with thine.

127 On an houre glasse.

Do thou consider this small dust Here running in this glasse By atomes mov'd Ca••st thou beleeve, that this the body was Of one that lov'd. And in his Mistrisse playing like a fly Turn'd to cinders by her eye: Yes and in death as life, have it expre••t That lovers ashes take no rest.

128 On the picture of Cupid in a jewell worn by his Mrs. on her brest.

Little Cupid enter in and heat Her heart, her brest is not thy seat; Her brests are fitted to entice Lovers, but her heart's ofice, Thaw Cupid, that it hence forth grow Tender still by answering no.

129 On his Mistris.

When first I saw thee thou didst sweetly play, The gentle theefe, and stol'st my heart away; Ren••er me mine againe, or leave thy own, Two are too much for thee since I have none; But if thou wilt not I will swear thou art A sweet-fac'd creature with a double heart.

130 On Cupid.

Cupid hath by his sly and subtill art, A certaine arrow shot and peirc't my heart: What shall I doe to be reveng'd on love? There is but one way and that one I'le prove; I'le steale his arrowes and will head them new, With womens hearts and then they will fly true.

131 On a Tobacconist.

All dainty meats I do defie, Which feed men fat as swine, Hee is a frug all man indeed, That on a leafe can dine, He needs no napkin for his hands His fingers ends to wipe,

That keeps his kitchin in a box And roast-〈◊〉〈◊〉 in a pipe.

132 On the same.

If mans flesh be like swines, as it is said The metamorphosis is sooner made Then full-fac'd Gnatho no tobacco take Smoaking your corps, lest bacon you do make.

133 Another.

Tom I commend thee above all I know That sold'••t thy cushion for a pipe of To For now tis like if ere thou study more, Thou'lt sit to't harder then thou dist before.

124 On Tobacco.

Nature's Idea, phisicks rare perfection, Cold rheumes expeller and the wits direction, O had the gods known thy immortall smack, The heavens ere this time had been colored black.

135 On a beloved lye.

I hate a lie, and yet a lye did run Of noble Goring's death and Kensington,

And for that they did not untimely dye I love a lye because that was a ly, For had it been an accident of ruth 'T had made me grow in hatred of the truth, Though lies be bad, yet give this lye it's due, 'Tis ten times better, then if 't had been true.

136 On Button a S••xton, making a grave.

Ye powers above and heavenly poles Are graves become but Button-holes.

137 On long haire.

Luc as long haire down to his shoulders weares, And why? he dares not cut it for his eares.

138 A Crab's Restorative.

The Crab of the wood Is sauce very good; For the crab of the foaming sea, But the wood of a Crab Is sauce for a drab That will not her husband obey.

139 On Iustus Lypsius who bequeathed his gown to the Virgin Mary.

A dying latinist of great renown, Unto the Virgin Mary gave his gown And was not this false latine, so to joyn With femall gender, the case Masculine.

140 On a fidle-stick.

Am I an instrument to make you sport, A fiddle-stick I am, ye shann't report That ere yee hand'led me in such a case; To make me strike up fiddles mean and base, Nay you shall never bend me to your bow It goeth against the haire you should do so, Nor shall you curbe me in, thus every day, I'le but my pleasure, I was made to play; But here I must not play upon another, Why have I then a fiddle for my brother? If I were gon, you'd be compel'd my freinds To make your musique on your fingers ends: My brother fiddle is so hollow hearted, That ere't be long, we must needs be parted And with so many frets he doth abound, That I can never touch him but hee'l sound:

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When hee's reviv'd, this poore excuse he puts, That when I play, I vex him to the guts; But since it is my nature, and I must I'le crowd and scrape acquaintance for a crust; I am a genleman of high descent Come from Apollos glorious element, Above the bridge I alwayes use to keep, And that's my proper spheare, when I do sleep, So that I cannot be in tune or town, For all my scraping if the bridge be down; But since without an end, nought can endure, A fiddle-stick hath two ends to be sure.

141 On hopes of preferment.

I saw my fortune goe before As Palinurus saw the shore, If that I dye, before it hitch, Wel-fare mine eyes for they are rich.

142 Sorte tu•••• contentus.

If adverse fortune bring to passe, And will that thou an asse must bee; Then be an asse, and live an asse, For out of question wife is hee That undergoes with humble mind, The state that chance hath him assign'd.

143 On a pretender to prophecy.

Ninety two yeares the world as yet shall stand If it do stand or fall at your command; But say why plac'd you not the world's end nigher Lest ere you dy'd you might be prov'd a lyer.

144 Mart. lib 8 epigr. 69.

Old Poets only thou dost praise, And none but dead one's magnifie: Pardon Voc••rra, thee to please, I am not yet in mind to dye.

145 On a Gamester.

For hundred-thousands Matho playes; Olus what's that to thee? Not thou by meanes thereof I trow, But Matho poore shall bee.

146 On Fr. Drake.

Sir Drake whom well the world's end knew, Which thou did'st compasse round, And whom both Poles of heaven once saw Which North and South do bound,

The stars above, would make thee known, If men here silent were; The Sun himself cannot forget His fellow traveller.

147 B. I. approbation of a copy of verses.

One of the witty sort of gentlemen, That held society with learned Ben— Shew'd him some verses of such Tragique sense They did his curious eare much violence; But after Ben had been a kind partaker Of the sad lines, he needs must know the maker; What unjust man he was, that spent his time And banish'd reason to, advance his rime: Nay gentle Ben, replies the gentleman I see I must support the Poet than; Although those humble straines are not so fit For to please you, hee's held a pretty wit; Is he held so? (sa••es Ben) so may a goose, Had I the holding, I would let him loose.

148 On a gentleman that married an heire pri∣vately at the Tower.

The angry Father hearing that his childe, Was stoln, married, and his hopes beguild;

('Cause his usurious nature had a thought She might have bin to greater fortunes brought) With rigid looks, bent brows, and words austere Ask'd his forc'd son in law, how he did dare (Without a full consenting from him carried) Thus beare his onely daughter to be married, And by what Cannons he assum'd such power? He sayd the best in England sir, the Tower.

149 A Gentlemans satisfaction for spitting in anothers face.

A gentleman (not in malice nor disgrace, But by a chance) spet in anothers face, He that receiv'd it, knowing not the cause That should produce such rashne•• ('gainst the law•• Of Christian man-hood or civility) In kindling anger, ask'd the reason why; Pray ••ir sayes he, what thing that doth but sound Like to an injury have you ere found By me at any time? or if you had, It never could deserve contempt so bad 'Tis an inhumane custome none ere use; But the vile nation of conte••ned Jewes: Pray sir, cryes th' other be not so unkind, Thus with an accident to charge my minde I meant it not, but ••••nce it fals out so, I'm sorry, yea make satisfaction too;

Then be not mov'd but let this ease your doubt Since I have spet, please you, I'le tread it out.

150 On a little Gentleman and one Mr. Story.

The little man, by th' other mans vain-glory, It seems was roughly us'd (so say's the story) But being a little h••ated and high blown, In anger flyes at Story, puls him down; And when they rise (I know not how it fated) One got the worst, the Story was tran••••ated From white to red, but ere the fight was ended It seemes a Gentleman that one be••riended Came in and parted them; the little blade, There's none that could intreat, or yet perswade, But he would fight still, till another came, And with sound reasons councel'd gainst the same 'T was in this manner friend ye shall not fight With one that's so unequall to your height, Story is higher, th' othe•• made reply, I'd pluck him down were he three Stories high.

151 On a Welshman and an Englishman.

There was a time a difference began Between a Welshman and an Englishman,

And thus it was; the English-man would stand Against all argument, that this our land, Was fre••st of her fruits, there is a place Quoth he, whose ground, so fruitfull is of grasse; But throw a staffe in't but this night, you shall Not See't the morrow, 't would be cover'd all: The Welsh-man cry'd 'tis true, it might ly under, The o're-grown grasse, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 is with us no wonder, For turn your horse into our frui••full ground, And before morning come, he shann't be found.

152 On a Souldier.

The souldier fights well and with good regard, But when hee's lame, he lies at an ill ward.

153 On a faire Gentlewoman whose name was Brown.

We praise the faire, and our inventions wrack, In pleasing numbers to applaud the black, We court this Ladies eye, that Ladyes haire, The faire love black, the black best like the faire•• Yet neither sort, I court, I doate upon Nor faire nor black, but a complexion More rare then either; she that is the crown Of my entire affection is brown,

And yet shees faire, 'tis strange, how can it be, That two complexions should in one agree Do I love Brown, my love can please mine eye, And ••ate my narrow'st curiosity, If I like faire, she hath so sweet a grace, That I could leave an Angell for her face, Let any judge then, which complexion's rarest, In my opinion, she is Brown that's fairest.

154 On Garret and Chambers.

Garret and his friend Chambers having done Their Citty bus'nesse walk'd to Paddington, And comming neer the fatall place where men I meane offenders ne're return agen, Looking on Tyborn in a merryment, Sayes Chambers here's a pretty Tenement Had it a garret: Garret hearing that, Replyes friend Chambers I do wonder at Your simple censure, and could mock you for it, There must be chambers ere there be a garret.

155 On the word intollerable.

Two gentlemen did to a Tavern come, And call'd the drawer for to shew a room,

The drawer did, and what room think ye was't? One of the small ones, where men drink in haste; One gentleman sat down there, but the other Dislik'd it, would not sit, call'd for another: At whi••h his friend, rising up from the table, Cryes friend lets stay, this room is tollerable: Why that's the cause (quoth hee) I will not stay, Is that the cause, quoth th' other? why I pray? To give a reason to you, I am able, Because I hate to be in—Tollerable.

156 Ad Lectorem.

Is't possible that thou my book hast bought, That saidst••'twas nothing worth? why was it naught Read it again, perchance thy wit was dul, Thou may'st find something at the second pull, Indeed at first thou nought didst understand, For shame g••t somthing at the second hand.

157 Suum cuique pulcbrum.

Posthumus not the last of many more, Ask's why I write in such an idle vaine, Seeing there are of Epigrams such store; Oh give me leave to tell thee once again

That Epigrams are fitted to the season, Of such as best know how to make rime reason

158 In magnis voluisse sat••est.

In matters great to will it doth suffice, I blush to heare how loud this proverb lyes, For they that ow great sums by bond or bill, Can never cancell them, with meere good will.

159 As proud as witlesse Draccus.

Draccus his head is highly by him born, And so by strawes are emptied heads of corne.

160 S••liem••videret••••r.

A Welshman and an Englishman disputed, Which of their Lands maintain'd the greatest 〈◊〉〈◊〉 The Englishman the Welshman quite confuted, Yet would the Welshman nought his brags abate, Ten cooks quoth he, in wales one wedding fees Truth quoth the other, each man to••t•• his cheese.

161 On womens inconstancy.

Goe catch a star that's falling from the skye▪ Cause an immortall creature for to dye, Stop with thy hand the current of the seas, Poste o're the earth to the Antipodes, Cause times return and call back yesterday; Cloath January with the Month of May, Weigh out an ounce of flame, blow back the wind And then find faith within a womans mind.

162 On Women.

Why sure these necessary harmes were fram'd, That man as too too heedlsse might be blam'd, His weaknes cannot greatest weakenesse fly, In her strong drawing, fraile necessity; Then happy they, that know what women are, But happier, which to know them never care.

163 To his Mrs.

Sweetest faire be not too cruell, Blot not beauty with disdaine, Let not those bright eyes adde fewell To a burning heart in vaine,

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Least men justly when I dye Deem you the candle, mee the fly.

164 How to choose a wife.

Good sir, if you will shew the best of your skill; To picke a vertuous creature, Then picke such a wife, as you love a life, Of a comely grace and feature; The noblest part let it be her heart, Without deceit or cunning, With a nimble wit, and all things fit, with a tongue that's never running, The haire of her head, it must not be red, But faire and brown as a berry; Her fore-head high, with a christall eye Her lips as red as a cherry.

165 On his Mistris.

My love and I for kisses play'd, She would keep stakes, I was content, And when I wonne, she would be payd; This made me aske her what she meant, Sayth she, since you are in this wrangling vaine, Take you your kisses, and give me mine againe.

166 On a proud Mayde.

She that will eate her breakfast in her bed, And spend the morn in dressing of her head, And fit at dinner like a mayden-bride, And talke of nothing all day but of pride, God in mercy may doe much to save her, But what a case is he in that shall have her?

167 Satis est quod sufficit.

Weep no more, sigh nor groane, Sorrow recals not times are gone, Violets pluck'd, the sweetst raine, Makes not fresh or grow againe, Joyes are windy, dreams flye fast Why should sadnes longer last? Griefe is but a wound to woe, Gentle faire, mourn no moe.

168 Tempus edaxrerum.

Time eateth all things could the Poets say, The times are chang'd our times drink all away.

168 Of women.

Commit thy ship unto the winde, But not thy faith to woman kind, There is more safety in a wave, Then in the faith that women have; No woman's good, if chance it fall, Some one be good amongst them all, Some strange intent the dest' nies had, To make a good thing of a bad.

169 On a coy woman.

She seems not won, yet won she is at length, In loves war women use but half their strength.

170 On Morcho.

Morcho for hast was married in the night, What needed day? his fair young wife is light.

171 On Bed keeping.

Bradus the smith, hath often sworn and sed, That no disease should make him keep his bed; His reason was, I oft have heard him tell it, He wanted money therefore he would fell it.

172 On a man stealing a candle from a la••ther••.

One walking in the street a winter night, Climb'd to a lanthern, thought t' have stole the light, But taken in the manner and descri'd By one o'th' servants who look'd out and cry'd, Whose there? what d' you? who doth our lanthern Nothing said he, but only snuf the candle. handle,

173 On Fraternus.

Fraternus' opinions show his reason weak He held the nose was made for man to speak.

174 On a french ••encer, that challeng'd Church an English fencer.

The fencing Ca••les in pride and gallant vaunt, Challeng'd the English at the fen••ing, skill, The fencer Church, or the Church militant, His errors still reprov'd and knock'd him still, But si••h our Church him disciplin'd so sore, He (rank Recusant) comes to Church no more.

175 On two striving together.

Two falling out into a ditch they fell, Their falling out was ill, but in was well.

176 On Musique.

I want a quill out of an Angels wing, To write sweet musike's everlasting praise, I likewise want an Angels voice to sing A wished an••hem to her happy dayes▪ Then since I want an angels voice and pen, Let angels write and sing, I'le say amen.

177 On Tobacco.

Times great consumer, cause of idlenes, Old whorehouse hunter, cause of drunkennes Bewitching smoake, vainest wealths consumer; Abuse of wit, stinking breath's perfumer, Cause of entrailes blacknes, bodyes dyer Cause of nature's slacknesse, quenching her fire, Offence to many, bringing good to none, Ev'n be thou hack'd till thou art burnt and gone.

178 Claudianus de Sphaer••a Archimedis

When Iove within a little glasse survay'd, The heavens he smil'd, and to the Gods thus sayd, Can strength of mortall wit proceed thus far? Loe in a fraile orbe, my works mated are, Hither the Syracu••ians art translates, Heavens form, the course of things and humane fates Th' including spirit serving the star-deck'd signes The living work inconstant motion windes, Th' adult' rate zodiaque runs a naturall yeere, And Cyntsias forg'd horns monethly new light bear, Viewing her own world, now bold industry Triumphs and rules with humane power the sky.

179 On Caelia.

In Caelia's face a question did arise, Which were more beautifull her lips or eyes; We say the eyes, send forth those pointed darts, Which pierce the hardest adamantine hearts, From us reply the lips proceed those blisses, Which lovers reap by kind words and sweet kisses Then wept the eyes and from their eyes did pow'r Of liquid Orientall pearle a shower, Whereat the lips mov'd with delight and pleasure Through a sweet smile ••••lock'd their I vory trea∣sure,

And bad love judge, whether did ad more grace Weeping or smiling pearls to C••lia's face.

180 On Chloris walking in the snow.

I saw faire Chloris walke alone, When feather'd raine came softly down, Then Iove descended from ••is Tower, To court her in a silver shower, The wanton snow flew to her brest, Like little birds into their nest; But overcome with whitenes there, For grei••e it thaw'd into a teare, Then falling down her garment h••m, To deck her, froze into a gem.

181 To a Shoomaker.

What bootes it thee, to follow such a trade, That's alwaies under foot and underlaid?

112 Youth and Age.

Age is deformed, youth unkind, Wee scorn their bodies, they our mind.

183 To Loquax.

Loqu••x to hold thy tongue, would do thee wrong, For thou would' st be no man, but for thy tongue.

184 Death.

The lives of men seem in two seas to swim, Death comes to young folks and old goe to him.

185 A disparity.

Children fondly blad truth, & fools their brothers Women have learn'd more wisdom of their mo∣thers.

186. To Mak dict.

Thou speake st ill, not to give men their dues▪ But speakestill, because thou canst not chuse.

187 Womens properti••s.

To weep oft, still to flatter, sometimes spin. Are properties, women excell men in.

188 Interpone tuis &c.

Not mirth, nor care alone, but inter-wreathed, Care gets mirth stomacke, mir••h makes care long breathed.

189 Womens teares

When women weep in their dissembling art, Their teares are sauce to their malicious heart.

190 Pot-Poets.

Poet and pot differ but in a letter, Which makes the Poet love the pot the better.

191 Content.

Content is all we ayme at with our store; If that be had with little, what needs more.

192 Fast and loose.

Paphus was marry'd all in haste, And now to rack doth run; So knitting of himself too fast, He hath himself undone.

193 On Gervase.

A double gelding Gervase did provide, That he and 's wife to see their friends might ride, And he a double gelding prov'd indeed; For he so suddenly fell to his speed, That both alight, with blows and threats among▪ He leads him, and his wife drives him along.

194 Tortus.

Tortus accus'd to lye, to fawn, to flatter, Said he but set a good face on the matter, Then sure he borrow'd it for 'tis well known; Tortus ne're wore a good face of his own▪

195 ANNAGRAMS.

Thom••s Egerton. 1 anagr. Honors met age.

Honors met age and seeking where to rest; Agreed to lodge, and harbour in thy brest.

196 On Capt••ine Iohn, Came-age 2 anagr. Age-came.

When perils I by land and sea had past, Age came to summon me to death at last.

197 Christopher Lindall, 3 anagr. I offer, lend Christ all.

Tha•• with this Epigram thy deeds agree, They well know, that did ever well know thee.

198 Iohn Rysdon 4 anagr. In honors dy.

Thy actions friend declare thy noble mind, And to the world thy reall worth proclaime That fame her self cannot thy equall find, To paralell thy glory and thy name, On, onward still from no good action fly, Who lives like thee, cann't but in honors dy.

199 On the same.

I ne're will credit any powerfull fare, Can turn thy glory to a waning state, Thou ••till wilt be thy self; therefore say I, In honors thou shalt live, but never dy.

200 Phineas Fletcher. 5 anagr. Hath Spencer life? Or Spencer hath life.

That Spencer liveth, none can ignorant be, That reads his works (Fletcher) or knoweth thee.

201 Mrs. Elizabeth Noell 6 anagr. holinesse be still my star.

The safest conduct to the port of blisse, Lyes not in brittle honor, for by this We often loose our way, to shun this bar, To heaven, holines be still my star.

202. My lot is blisse ••ternall.

The world's a lottry, full of various chances, Whereof each draws a share as fortune fancies, Among the rest that ayme at things supernall; I've drawn, and find my lot is blisse eternall.

203 I shall smite no ill brest.

The common way to wound mens hearts I shun, Nor with meere outside am I to be won, Vertue may move me, for it crowns the best, But I shall smite no ill or lustfull brest.

204 My blisse on earth's little.

Honors are faire but fading flowers which give, Delight to those that gather them, but live

Not ever flowrishing, this truth I find, Too truely in my selfe, by fate assign'd For having all, I see that all's but but brittle, And even at best my blisse on earth's but little.

205 See my heart is still noble:

Thongh fortune frowns and fate suppres my will, Yet see the lucke, my heart is noble still.

206 A riddle.

Thoughts Searching c Valued Love may B Truth never tyes Too A foole y y:

[illustration] Three in one heart

If

[illustration] 2 in V

have part

[illustration]

WR

207 Another being a translation.

Est aliis servire tenetur Iure qui sum, servire necesse est Iure tibi me Te nulli cunctos ant are videris Qui cunctos bos laude ant fero cunctis.

Thus Englished.

-ling bound to serve his Mr's hands An- is you -bound to do your high command•• I'me and None's you you all are then I'le you -praise other men.

208 Another.

A begger once exceeding poore, A penny pray'd me give him,

And deeply vow'd nere to aske more And I ne're more to give him, Next day he begg'd againe, I gave, Yet both of us our oathes did save.

209 Another.

I hold as faith What Rome's Church saith Where th' King is head The Flocks misled Where th' Alter's drest The peopele's blest Hee's but an asse Who shuns the Masse Who charity preach They heav'n soon reach On faith t' rely Is heresy What England's Church allows My conscience disavowes The Church can have no seame, Where the Pope's supream There's service scarce divine Where's table bread and wine Who the Communion flyes Is Catholique and wise Their church with error's fraught Where only faith is taught No matter for good works Make's Christians worse then Turks

210 Another:

There was a man bespake a thing, Which when the owner home did bring, He that made it, did refuse it, He that bought it, would not use it,

He that hath it doth not know Whether he hath it, yea or no.

211 On Women.

Woman's the centre and the lines are men The circles love, how doe they differ then? Circles draw many lines into the center But love gives leave to onely one to enter.

212 On Clarret wine spilt.

What's this that's spilt? 'tis clarret wine, 'Tis well 'tis spilt, it's fall sav'd mine.

213 On womans love.

A womans love is like a Syrian flower, That buds and spreads and withers in an houre.

214 On Cooke a cuckold.

A young cooke marri'd upon Sunday last, And hee grew-old e're tuesday night was past.

215 A Butcher marrying a tanners daughter.

A fitter match then this could not have bin, For now the flesh is married to the skin.

216 On Cupid.

Cupid, no wonder was not cloath d of old, For love though naked seldom ere is cold.

217 A plain sutor to his love.

Faire I love thee, yet I cannot sue, And shew my love as masking courtiers doe, Yet by the smocke of Venus for thy good, I'le freely spend my thrice concocted blood.

218. On a passing bell.

This dolefull mu••ique of impartiall death, Who danceth after, danceth out of breath.

219 On a farmer knighted.

In my conceit sir Iohn, you were to blame, To make a quiet goodwife a mad••dame.

220 On Pallas and Bacchus birth.

Pallas the ofspring of Iove's braine, Bacchus out of his thigh was ta'ne, He breake's his braine that learning winns, When he that's drunk breaks but his shins.

221 On an old man doating on a yong mench.

A rich old man loving a faire yong lasse, Out of his breeches his spectacles drew, Wherewith he read a note, how rich he was: All which (quoth he) sweet-heart I'le give to you Excuse me sir (quoth she) for all your riches, Ile marry none, that wears his eies in's breeches.

222 Clownish Court-Ship.

Excellent Mrs. brighter then the moon, Then scoured p••wter or the silver spoon, Fairer then Phoebus or the morning star, Dainty fair Mistrisse by my troth you are, As far excelling Dian, and her Nimphs, As lobsters crawfish, and as craw fish shrimps. Thine eyes like Diamonds do shine most cleerly, As I'm an honest man I lo••e thee dearely.

223 A Gen••leman to his love.

Tell her I love, and if she aske how well; Tell her my tongue told thee no tongue can tell.

224 Her answer.

Say not you love, unlesse you doe, For lying will not honor you.

225 His answer.

Maddam I love, and love to doe, And will not lye unlesse with you.

226 On a Wels••man.

The way to make a welshman thinke on blisse, And daily say his prayers on his knees, Is to perswade him that most certaiae' tis, The moon is made of nothing but green cheese, Then hee'l desire of Iove, no geater boon, Then to be pleas'd in heaven to eate the moon.

227 The vanity of man.

That every thing we do, might vaine appeare, We have a veine, for each day in the yeere.

228 To a friend on the losse of his Mrs.

If thou the best of women didst forgo, Weigh if thou found'st her, or didst, make her so, If she was found, know there is more then one, If made, the workman lives though she be gone.

229 On a whore.

Rosa is faire, but not a proper woman, Can any woman proper be that's common.

230 On a Welshman.

A Welshman comming late into an Inn, Asked the maid what meat there was within? Cow-heels she answered, and a brest of mutton; But quoth the Welshman, since I am no glutton, Either of both shall serve, to night the brest, The heels i'th morning, then light meat is best, At night he tooke the brest, and did not pay, I th' morning tooke his heels and run away.

231 On men and women.

I'll thrives that haplesse family, that showes A cocke that's silent, and a hen that crows, I know not which lives more unnaturall lives, Obeying husbands or commanding wives.

232 On Linus.

Linus told me of verses that he made, Riding to London on a trotting Jade, I should have known, had he conceal'd the case, Even by his verses of his horses pace.

233 On a litle diminutive band.

What is the reason of God-dam-me's band, Inch-deep? and that his fashion doth not alter, God-dam me saves a labor, understand, In pulling't off when he puts on the halter.

234 On Iulius.

By fraud the Merchant Iulius rakes in pel••e, For heaven he sels, yet hath it not himself.

235 On fine apparell.

Some that their wives may near and cleanely go, Do all their substance upon them bestow: But who a goldfinch fain would make his wife, Make's her perhaps a wag-taile all her life.

236 Vpon Conscience.

Many men this present age dispraise, And thinke men have small conscience now adaies. But sure I'le lay no such fault to their charge, I rather think their conscience is too large.

237 In Cornutum.

Cornutus call'd his wife both whore and slut, Quoth she, you'l never leave your brawling, but. But what quoth he? quoth she the post or doore, For you have horns to but, if I'me a whore.

238 A witty passage

An old man sitting at a Christmas feast, By eating Brawn occasioned a jest; For whilest his tongue and gums chafed about, For want of pales the chafed bore broke out,

And lights perchance upon a handsom lasse, That neer him at the table placed was, Which when she' spi'd she pluck'd out of her sleeve A pin and did it to the old man give, Saying sith your brawn, out of your mouth doth slip, Sir take this pin and therewith close your lip, And bursting into laughter, strain'd so much, As with that strain her back-part spakelow dutch Which th' old man hearing, did the pin restore. And bad her therewith close her postern doore.

239 A new married Bride.

The first of all our sex, came from the side of man I thither am return'd from whence I came.

240 On a pudding.

The end is all, and in the end, the praise of all de∣pends, A pudding merri••s double praise, because it hath two ends.

241 Answer.

A pudding hath two ends? you lye my brother, For it begins at one, and ends at th' other.

242 On maydes.

Most maids resemble Eve now in their lives, Who are no sooner women, then th' are wives, As Eve knew no man ere fruit wrought her wo, So these have fruit oft e're their husbands know.

243 On a man whose choice was to be hang'd or married.

M.

Loe here's the bride, and here's the tree, Take which of these, best liketh thee.

R.

The choise is bad on either part, The woman's worse drive on the cart.

244 Women.

Were women as little, as they are good, A pease cod would make them a gown and a hood.

245 On a louse.

A louse no reason hath to deal so ill, With them of whom she hath so much her will, She hath no tongue to speake ought in their praise, But to back-bite them, finds a tongue all wayes.

246 A Courtier and a Scholler meeting.

A Courtier proud walking along the street, Hap'ned by chance a Scholer for to meet, The Courtier said, (minding nought more then place Unto the Scholler meeting face to face, To take the wall, base men Ile not permit, The Scholler said, I will, and gave him it.

247 Cede maj••ribus.

I took the wall, one rudely thrust me by, And told me the high way did open lye, I thank't him that he would mee so much grace, To take the worse and leave the better place, For if by owners we esteem of things, The wall's the subjects, but the way the kings.

248 On Women.

Are women Saints? no Saints, and yet no devils, Are women good? not good, but needfull evils, So angel like that devils you need not doubt, Such needfull evils, that few can be without.

249 On a M••••sitian and his Scholler.

A man of late did his fair daughter bring To a Musitian for to learn•• to sing, He fell in love with her, and her beguil'd, With flattering words and she was got with child, Her Father hearing this was griev'd and said, That he with her but a base-part had playd, For W^ch he swore that he would make him smart For teaching of his daughter such a part: But the musitian said, he did no wrong, He had but taught her how to ••ing prick-song.

250 Why women weare a fall.

A question 'tis why women weare a fall, The truth it is to pride they are given all, And pride the proverb saies must have a fall.

251 Foras expertus.

Priscus hath been a traveller, for why? He will so strangely swagger, swear and ly.

252 Liber too wary to thrive.

Liber is late set up, and wanteth custome, Yet great resort hath got, but will not trust 'em: Is not his love unto his friend the greater, Hee'l want himselfe, ere hee'l see him a debtor.

253 On Venus and Vulcan.

I muse, why Venus hath such fiery holes, I thinke that Vulcan, once there blow'd his coales.

254 Detur quod meritum.

A courtier kind in speech, curst in condition, Finding his faults could be no longer hidden, Came to his friend to cleare his bad suspition, And fearing least he should be more then chidden. Fell to flatt'ring and most base submission, Vowing to kisse his foot if he were bidden. My foot said he? nay that were too submisse, You three foot higher, well deserve to kisse.

255

Gluto, at meales is never heard to talk, For which the more his chaps and chin do walke,

When every one that sits about the bord, Makes sport to aske; what Gluto ne're a word? He forc'd to answer being very loath Is almost choak'd speaking and eating both.

256 Sorte t••a contentus.

B••rtus being bid to supper to a Lord, Was marshall'd at the lower end of the boord, Who vext thereat, 'mongst his comrades doth fre•• And sweares that he below the salt was set; But Bartus, th' art a fool to fret and sweare, The salt stands on the bord wouldst thou sit there••

257 Fovent perjuria furtum.

Piso hath stoln a silver bole in jest, For which suspected only, not confest, Rather then Piso will restore your bole, To quit the body, he will cast the soule.

258 The promise breaker.

Ventus doth promise much, but still doth breake, So all his promises are great and weake; Like bubbles in the water (round and light) Swelling so great, that they are broke out-right.

259 Nummos & demona jungit.

Bat bids you swell with envy till you burst, So he be rich, and may his coffers fill, Bringing th' example of the fox that's curst, And threatning folks who have least power to kill•• For why 'tis known, his trade can never fall, That hath already got the devill and all.

260 Nil gratum ratione carens.

Paulus a pamphle•• doth in prose present, Unto his lord, (the fruits of idle time) Who farre more carelesse then therewith content, Wisheth it were converted into rime: Which done and brought him at another season, Sayd now ' tis rime, before not rime nor reason.

261 Non cessat perdere lusor.

Aske Ficus how his lucke at dicing goes. Like to the tide (quoth he) it ebbs and flowes, Then I suppose his chance cannot be good, For all men know, 'tis longer ebbe then flood.

262 Volucren•• sic decipi•• auceps.

Hidrus the horse-courser (that cunning mate) Doth with the buyers thus equivocate, Claps on his hand, and prayes he may not thrive If that his gelding be not under five.

263 Perdat qui cav••at emp••or.

Nor lesse meant Promus when that vow he made, Then to give ore his cous'ning tapsters trade, Who check'd for short and frothy measure, swore He never would from thence forth fill pot more.

264 Virescit vulnere Venus.

Susan's well sped and weares a velve•• hood, As who should know, her breeding hath bin good? 'Tis reason she should rise once in her life, That fell so oft before she was a wife.

265 On Death.

How base hath ••in made man, to feare a thing Whichmen call M••rs? which yet hath lost all sting,

And is but a privation as we know, Nay is no word, if wee exempt the O, Then let good men the feare of it de••ie▪ All is but O when they shall come to dye.

266 On a rich country Gentleman.

Of woods, of plaines, of hils and vales, Of fields, of meades, of parks and pales, Of all I had, this I possesse, I need no more I have no lesse.

267 On his Mrs.

Shall I tell you how the rose at first grew red, And whence the lilly whitenes borrowed, You blusht, & straight the rose with red was dight, The lilly kist your hand, and so was white, Before such time, each rose had but a stain, And lillies nought but palenes did contayne, You have the native colour, these the dy, And onely flowrish in your livery.

268 To bis Mrs.

Think not deare love that I'le reveale, Those houres of pleasure we do steale,

No eye shall see, nor vet the sun, Descrie what thee and I have done; The God of love himself, hose dart Did first peirce mine, and next thy heart, He shall not know, that we can tell What sweets in stoln cmoracem••nts dwell, Onely this meanes may find it out, If when I dy, Phisians doubt What caus'd my death and they to view Of all the judgements that are true, Rip up my heart oh then I feare, The world will find thy picture there.

269 To Mr. Ben. Iohnson demanding the reason why he call'd his playes ••arks.

Pray tell me Ben, where doth the mistery lurke, What others call a play you call a worke.

270 Thus answer'd by a friendin Mr. Ioh••sons defence.

The authors friend thus for the author sayes, Bens plays are works, when others works are plaies

271 Tempus edax rerum.

The sweetest flower in the summers prime, By all agreement is the damaske rose, Which if it grow, an•• be not pluck'd in time, She sheds her leaves her buds their sent do loose, Oh let not things of worth, for want of use Fall into all consuming times abuse: The sweetest work that ever nature fram'd, By all agreement is a virgins face, Which not enjoy'd, her white and red will fade, And unto all worm eating time give place: Oh let not things of worth, for want of use Fall into all consuming times abuse.

272 Ad Aristarchum.

Be not agriev'd my humerous lines afford, Of looser language here and there a word, Who undertakes to sweep a common sinke, I cannot blame him, though his broome do stinke.

273 To his Mrs.

Thou send'st to me a heart was Crown'd, I tooke it to be thine, But when I saw it had a wound, I knew that heart was mine.

A bounty of a strange conceit, To send mine own to me, And send it in a worse estate, Then when it came to thee; The heart I gave thee had no staine, It was intire and sound; But thou hast sent it back againe, Sick of a deadly wound. Oh heavens! how wouldst thou use a heart That should rebellious be, When thou hast kill'd me with a dart, That so much honor'd thee.

274 On a charming beauty.

I'le gaze no more on that bewitched face, Since ruin harbors there in every place, For my inchanted soul alike she drowns, With calms and tempests of her smiles and frowns I'le love no more those cruell eyes of hers, Which pleas'd or anger'd still are murtherers, For if she dart like lightning through the ayre, Her beames of wrath, she kils me with despaire, If she behold me with a pleasing eye, I surfet with excesse of joy and dy.

275 Covetous persons.

Patrons are latrons, then by this, Th' are worst of greedy people, Whose cognizance a wolfes head is, And is his mouth a steeple.

276 On a dyer.

Who hath time hath life, that he denies, This man hath both, yet still he dyes.

277 Non verber a sed verba.

Two Schollers late appointed for the field, Must, which was weakest to the other yeeld, The quarrell first began about a word, Which now should be decided by the sword; But er'e they drew, there fell that alteration, As they grew friends againe by disputation.

278 In Octavium.

Octavius lying at the point of death, His gelding kindly did to me bequeath: I wanted one, and was in haste to ride, In better time he never could have di'd.

279 Ofletting.

In bed a yong man with his old wife lay, O wife quoth he I've let a thing to day, By which I feare I am a looser much: His wife replyes youths bargaines still are such; So turning from him angry at her heart, She unawares let out a thundring— Oh wife quoth he, no looser I am now, A marv'lous saver I am made by you: Yong men that old wives have may never fell, Because old wives quoth he let things so well.

280 In Dossum.

Dosse riding forth the wind was very big And strained court'sie with his perriwig, Leaving his sconce behind so voyd of haire, As Esops crow might breake her oyster there; Foole he to thinke his haire could tarry fast, When Bore as teares up forests with a blast.

281 Post dulcia finis amarus.

Ienkin a welshman that had suires in law, Journying to London chanc'd to steale a cow;

For which (pox on her luck as ne're man saw) Was burnt within the fist, and know not how: Being ask'd if well the lawes with him did stand Was have her now (quoth Ienkin) in her hand.

282 In Mi••cam.

Fine Minca lisping yea and no forsooth, Though little ears, yet keeps a dainty tooth: Minca that longs for apples on the tree, In May, before the blossomes fallen be, Or will not eate a Kentish cherry down, But for a couple, when she payes a crown; And cares not for a straw-berry or peare, In truth because th' are common every where, Yet what is that which may be had for reason, And never comes to Minca out of season?

283 Feminae ludifieantur vi••os.

Kind Katherine to her husb and kist these words; Mine own sweet Will how dearly do I love thee •• If true (quoth Will) the world no such affords, And that it's true I durst his warrant bee, For ne're heard I of woman good or ill, But alwayes loved best her own sweet will.

284 Ad T••sserum.

Tusser, they tell me when thou wert alive, Thou teaching thrift, thy self couldst never thrive So like the whetstone many men are wont To sharpen others when themselves are blunt.

285 Praestar videri qu••messe.

Clit••s with clients is well customed, That hath the laws but little studied, No matter Clitus so they bring their fees, How ill ••he case and thy advice agrees.

286 Tun••••ua res agitur.

A jealous merchant that a saylor met, Ask'd him the reason why he meant to marry, Knowing what ill their absence might beget, That still at sea, constrained are to tarry? Sir (quoth the Saylor) think you that so strange? 'Tis done the time whiles you but walke th' exchange

287 A conference.

A Dane, a Spaniard, a Polonian, My selfe, a Swisse, with a Hungarian,

At supper met discoursed each with other, Drank, laught, yet none that understood another.

288 In Marcum.

Marcus is not a hypocrite and why? He flyes all good, to fly hypocrifie.

289 Quid ••on verba suadeant.

Sextus, halfe salv'd his credit with a jest, That at a reckoning this devise had got, When he should come to draw amongst the rest, And saw each man had coine, himselfe had not; His empty pocket feels and 'gins to say, In sadnes firs here's not a crosse to pay.

290 Stupid Binus.

Sith time flyes fast away, his fastest flight, Binus prevents with dreaming day and night.

291 In divites.

Rich men their wealth as children rattles keep, When playd a while with't then they fall asleep.

292 In Fannium.

What furi's this, his foe whilst Fannius flyes, He kils himselfe, for feare of death he dies.

293 To Vellius.

Thou swearest I bowle as well as most men doe, The most are bunglers, therein thou say'st true.

294 In divites iracundos.

Rich friends' gainst poore to anger still are prone, It is not well but profitably done.

295 Clericus absque libro.

When Crassus in his office was instal'd, For summs of money, which he yet doth ow, A client by the name of Clerk him call'd, As he next day to Westminster did go, Which Crassus hearing whispers thus in's eare, Sirrah you now mistake and much do erre, That henceforth must the name of Clerke forbea••, And know I am become an officer. Alas (quoth he) I did not so much marke, Good Mr. officer, that are no clerke.

296 Durum telum necessitas.

Coquus with hunger pennilesse constrain'd To call for meat and wine three shillings cost, Had suddainly this project entertain'd; Instead of what's to pay, to call mine host, Who being come entreateth him discusse; What price the law allots for shedding blood: Whereto mine host directly answers thus, 'Twas alwayes fourty pence he understood; So then quoth Coquus to requite your paines Pray break my head, & give me what remaines.

297 Loves Lunacy.

Before I knew what might belong to war, I was content to suffer many a scar; Yet none could hurt me, 'till at length a boy, Disgrace to manhood, wrought my sad annoy, This lad though blind, yet did he shoot a dart Which pierc'd my brest and lighted on my heart, Yetdid I feel no hurt till from above, I heard a voyce say souldiers you must love, I lik't it well and in this pleasing vaine: I lost my wits to get my heart againe.

298 So his Mrs.

Your lips (faire Lady) (if't be not too much, I beg to kisse, your hand I crave to touch, And if your hand deny that courtesie, (Sweet Mistri••) at your feet I prostrately; But if your foot Spurn my humility, Or that your lips think I do aime too high: Then let your hand in token of consent, Point at the meane, the maine of all content, And I shall leave extreames, and to be blist, Rest in your midst where vertue doth consist.

299 To an upstart.

Thine old frinds thou forgot'st having got wealth No marvaile, for thou hast forgot thy self.

300 Suum euique.

A strange contention being lately had Which kind of Musicke was the sweet'st and best, Some prais'd the sprightly sound and some the sad Some lik't the viols; and among the rest Some in the bag-pipes commendations spoke, (Quoth one stood by) give me a pipe of smoake.

301 Similis doctrina libell••.

Craesus of all things loveth not to buy So many books of such diversity: Your Almanack (sayes he) yeeld's all the sence, Of time's best profit and experience.

302 On Tullus.

Tullus who was a Taylour by profession, Is late turn'd Lawyer, and of large possession.

303 In Prodigum.

Each age of men new fashions doth invent, Things which are old, young men do not esteeme: What pleas'd our fathers doth not us content: What flourish'd then we out of fashion deeme. And that's the cause as I doe understand, Why Prodigus did sell his fathers land.

304 In medicum.

When Mingo cryes how doe you sir? tis thought, His Patient's wanteth and his Practice's naught: Wherefore of late, now every one he meeteth, With I am glad to see you well—he greeteth:

But who'l beleeve him now, when all can tell, The world goes ill with him, when all are well.

305 Crispati crines plumae dant calcar am••ri.

Why is young Annas thus with feathers dight? And on his shoulder weares a dangling lock? The one foretels hee'l sooner fly then fight, The other showes hee's wrapt in's mothers smock. But wherefore weares hee such a jingling spu••▪: O know, he deales with jades that will not sti••••

306 Most men mistaken.

Good, bad, rich, poor, the foolish and the sage, Doe all cry out against the present age: Ignorance make us thinke our young times good, Our elder dayes are better understood: Besides griefes past, we easily forget, Present displeasures make us sad or fret.

307 On Glaucus.

Glaucus a man, a womans hayre doth weare, But yet he weares the same comb'd out behinde: So men the wallet of their faults doe beare, For if before him, he that fault should finde:

I thinke foule shame, would his fayre face invade, To see a man so like a woman made.

308 Of Batardas.

Batardas needs would know his Horoscope, To see if he were borne to scape the rope: The Magus said, ere thou mine answer have, I must the names of both thy parents crave: That said, Batardas could not speak, but spit; For on his fathers name he could not hitt: And out of doores at last he stept with shame, To aske his mother for his fathers name.

309 An idle huswife.

Fine, neat, and curious misteris Butterfly, The idle toy, to please an idiots eyes: You, that wish all good huswives hang'd, for why, Your dayes work's done, each morning as you rise: Put on your gown, your ruff, your mask, your chain, Then dine and sup, and goe to bed againe.

310 Consuetudo lex.

Two Woers for a Wench were each at strife, Which should enjoy her to his wedded wife:

Quoth th' one, shee's mine, because I first her saw, Shee's mine quoth th'other by Pye-corner law: Where sticking once a pricke on what you buy, It's then your owne, which no man must deny.

311 In Battum.

Battus affirm'd no Poet ever writ, Before that love inspir'd his dull-head witt: And that himselfe in love, had wit no more, Then one starke mad, though somewhat wise before▪

312 To women.

You were created angels pure and fayre, But since the first fell, tempting devills you are: You should be mens blisse, but you prove their rod•• Were there no women men might live like gods.

313 On marriage.

Wedding and hanging the destinies dispatch, But hanging to some, seemes the better match.

314 Quidam erat.

A preaching fryar there was, who thus began, The scripture saith there was a certaine man:

A certain man? but I do read no where, Of any certaine woman mention'd there: A certaine man a phrase in scripture common▪ But no place shewes there was a certaine woman: And fit it is, that we should ground our faith, On nothing more then what the scripture saith.

315 Against a certaine—

For mad-men Bedlam, Bridewell for a knave, Choose whether of those two, th' hadst rather have.

316 Loves progresse.

Loves first approach, delights sweet song doth sing, But in departure, shee woes stinge doth bring.

417 On old Scylla.

Scilla is toothlesse, yet, when shee was young, Shee had both teeth enough and to much tongue: What shall I then of toothlesse Scilla say, But that her tongue hath worne her teeth away.

318 On Gallants Cloakes.

Without, plaine cloth, within, plufh' t? but I doubt the wearers worst within, and best without.

319 On Banks the usurer.

Banks feels no lamenesse of his knotty gout, His monyes travaile for him in and out: And though the soundest legges go every day, He toyles to be at hell as soone as they.

320 Pecunia praevale••s.

Tell Tom of Plato's worth or Aristotles? Hang't give him wealth enough, let wit stop bottl••.

321 On the same.

Tom vow'd to beat his boy against the wall, And as he strucke, he forth-with caught a fall: The boy deriding said, I doe averre, Y' have done a thing, you cannot stand to ••ir.

322 On debt.

To be indebted is a shame men say, 〈…〉〈…〉

323 Vmbras non certus metuit

Mistrisse Maryna starts to see a frog, A naked rapier or a creeping mouse: To hear a Gun, or barking mastive dog, Or smell Tobacco, that defiles her house, To taste of fish, no man alive shall woeher, Yet feares she not what flesh can doe unto her.

324 On women.

Although they seeme us onely to affect, 'Tis their content, not ours, they most respect: They for their own ends cunningly can feigne, And though they have't by nature, yet they'll strain: Snre if on earth, by wiles gain'd might be blisse, Staight that I were a woman I would wish.

325 On Saranzo.

Soranzos broad-brim'd hat I oft compare, To the vast compasse of the heavenly spheare: His head, the earths globe, fixed under it, Whose center is, his wondrous little witt.

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326 In Cottam.

Cotta when he hath din'd saith god be prais'd, Yet never prayseth god, for meat or drinke: Sith Cotta speaketh and not practiceth, He speaketh surely what he doth not thinke.

327 De corde & lingua.

The tongue was once a servant to the heart, And what it gave shee freely did impart: But now hypocrisie is growne so stronge: Shee makes the heart a servant to the tongue.

328 On poverty.

If thou be poor, thou shalt be ever so. None now doe wealth but on the rich bestow.

329 Women are mens shadowes:

Follow a shaddow it still flies you, Seeme to fly, it will pursue: So court a mistrisse shee denies you, Let her alone, she will court you. Say are not women tr••ely then, Stil'd but the shadwoes of us men?

At morne and even shades are longest, At noone they are, or short or none: So men at weakest they are strongest; But grant us perfect they're not known. Say are not women truely then stil'd but the shadowes of us men?

330 In ebriosum.

Fy man (saith shee) but I tell mistrisse An••e, Her drunken husband is no drunken man: For those wits, which are overcome with drink, Are voyd of reasons and are beasts I thinke.

331 Wills errour.

Will sayes his wife's so fat, shee scarce can goe, But shee as nimbly answers faith sir no: Alas good Will thou art mistaken quite, For all men know, that shee is wondrous light.

332 On Rome.

Hate & debate, Rome through the world hath spred, Yet Ro••a a mock is if backeward read:

Then is••t not strange, Rome hate should foster? no, For out of backward love all hate doth grow.

333

All things have savour, though some very small, Nay a box on ••he eare hath no smell at all.

334 Act, fortune, and ignorance.

When Fortune fell asleep, and Hate did blinde her, Art Fortune lost, and Ignorance did finde her: Sith when, dull Ignorance with Fortune's store, Hath bin enrich'd and Art hath still bin poore.

335 On Ebrio.

See where Don Ebrio like a Dutch-man goes, Yet drunke with En••lish ale; one would suppose: That h••e would shoulder down each door & wall, But they must stand, or he, poor fool! must fall:

336 On love.

Love hath two divers wings, as lovers say, Thou following him, with one he flies away:

With th' other, if thou fly, he followes thee, Therefore the last, Love, onely use for me.

337 On the same.

Love, as tis said, doth work with such strange tools, That he can make fooles wise-men, wise-men fools: Then happy I, for being nor foole nor wise, Love with his toyes and tooles I shall despise.

338 On a wanton.

Some the word wanton fetch, though with sinal ski•• From those that want one to effect their will: If so, I thinke that wantons there are none, For till the world want men, can they want one!

339 In procos:

Who woes a wife, thinks wedded men do know▪ The onely true content, I thinke not so: If Woe in wooers bee, that women court, As the word Woe in wooers doth import: And Woe in woemen too, that courted be, As the word Woe, in women we doe see:

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I thinke 'tis better lead a single life, Then with this double woe to wooe a wife.

340 Ingluviem sequitur fames:

Curio would feed upon the daintyest fare, That with the court or countrey might compare: For what let's Curio that he need to care, To frolique freely with the proud'st that dare: But this excesse was such in all things rare, As he prov'd banquerout e're he was aware.

341 In Corbum.

Corbus will not, perswade him all I can, The world should take him for an gentle-man: His reason••s this, because men should not deeme, That he is such, as he doth never seem.

342 On Priscus mistrisse.

Priscus commends his mistrisse for a girle, Whose lips be rubies, and whose teeth are pearl:

Th' had need prove so, or else it will be found, He payes too deare; they cost him many a pound.

343 On Women.

Women thinke wo—men far more constant bee, Then wee men, and the letter O wee see: In wo—men▪ not in we men, as they say, Figures earth's constant Orbe; we men say nay: It meanes the moone, which proves (none thinke it strange women are constant, & most true in change

344 On Promises.

My Mistrisse sweares shee'd leave all men for me, Yea though that Iove himselfe should rivall be: Shee sweares it, but what women sweare to kind- -Loves, may be writ in rapid seas and winde.

345 To his mistrisse.

Take, oh take those lips a way, That so sweetly were for-sworne: And those eies like breake of day. Lights that doe mislead he morne: But my kisses bring againe, Seales of love, though seal'd in vaine.

Hide, oh hide those hills of snow, Which thy frozen bosome beares: On whose tops the pinkes that grow, Are of those that Aprill weares: But first set my poor heart free, Bound in those icie chaines by thee.

346 On souldiers.

Not faith, nor conscience common souldiers carry, Best pay, is right; their hands are mercinary.

347 In Diogenem & Craesum:

When the tubb'd Cynicke went to hell, and there, Found the pale ghost of golden Craesus bare, Hee stops; and jeering till he shrugges againe, Sayes O! thou richest king of kings what gaine Have all thy large heapes brought thee, since I spie Thee here alone, and poorer now then I? For all I had, I with me bring; but thou, Of all thy wealth haft not one farthing now.

348 On a barber.

Suppose my Barber, when his razors nigh My throat, should then aske wealth and liberty:

Ide promise sure, the Barber askes not this, No, tis a Thiefe and feare imperious is.

349 Drusiu•• and Furio.

Furio would fight with Drusius iu the field, Because the Straw, stout Drusiu•• would not yeeld, On which their mistrisse trod, they both tid meet, Drusius in fight fell dead at Furios feet, One had the Straw, but with it this greek letter The other lo••t it, pray who had the better?

350 On Cupid.

Love is a boy, and subject to the rod Some say, but lovers say he is a god: I thinke that love is neither god nor boy, But a mad-braines imaginary toy.

351 On Durus.

A friend of Durus comming on a day To visite him, finding the doores say nay; 〈◊〉〈◊〉 lock'd fast up, first knocks, and then doth Pause, As Lord have mercy on's had bin the cause;

But missing it, he ask't a neighbour by When the rich Duru's were lock'd and why? He said it was a Custome growne of late At diner time to lock your great man's gate. Durus' his poor friend admir'd & thought the doo•• Was not for State lock'd up, but 'gainst the poore, And thence departing empty of good cheere, Said, Lord have mercy on us, is not there.

352. On a Puritane.

From impure mouthes now many bear the name Of Puritane, yet merit not the same, This one shall onely be my Puritan That is a knave, yet seems an honest man.

353. Quantum mutatus ab illo.

Pedes growne proud makes men admire thereat Whose baser breeding, should they think not bear it Nay, he on cock-horse rides, how like you that? Tut Pedes Proverb is, Win gold and wear it, But Pedes you have seen them ri••e in ha••te, That through their pride have broke their necks at last.

354 On Bibens.

Bibens to shew his liberality, Made Lusus drunk; a noble quality, And much esteem'd, which Bibens fain would prove, To be the signe of his familiar-love. Lusus beware, thou'lt finde him in the end, Familiar devill, no familiar friend.

355 On Tobacco.

Things which are common, common men do use, The better sort do common things refuse: Yet countrys-cloth-breech, & court-velvet-hose, Puff both alike, Tobacco, through the nose.

356 In Superbum.

Rustick Superbus fine new cloath's hath got, Of Taffata and Velvet, fair in sight; The shew of which hath so bewitch'd the sot, That he thinks Gentleman to be his right. But he's deceiv'd; for, true that is of old, An Ape's an Ape, though he wear cloth of gold.

357 On Infidus.

Infidus was so free of oathes last day, That he would swear, what e're he thought to say: But now such is his chance, whereat h••'s griev'd, The more he swears, the lesse he is believ'd.

358 On Christmas-Ivy.

At Christmas men do alwaies Ivie get, And in each corner of the house it set. But why do they, then, use that Bacchus weed? Because they mean, then, Bacchus-like to feed.

359 On Bacchus.

Pot-lifting-Bacchus, to the earth did bend His k••ee, to drink a Health unto his friend: And there he did, so long, in liquor pour, That he lay quite sick-drunk upon the floor. Judge, was not there a drunkards kindnes shown, To drink his friend a Health, and lose his own?

360 Of a fat man.

He's rich, that hath great in-comes by the year; Then that great belly'd man is rich, Ile swear:

For sure, his belly ne'r so big had bin, Had he not daily had great comings-in.

361 Vindicta vim sequitur.

Kitt being kick'd and spurr'd, pursu••s the Law, That doom'd the dammage at twice forty pence. W^ch, whē the party w^ch had wrong'd him, saw; Thought twas too great a fine for such off••nce. Why then, quoth Kitt, if I too much request, Thou maist at any time kick out the rest.

363 On Flaccus.

Flaccus being yong, they said he was a Gull; Of his s••mplicity, each mouth was full: And pitying him, they'd say, the foolish Lad Would be deceived, sure, of all he had. His youth is past, now may they turn him loose; For why? the Gull is grown to be a Goose.

363 Per plumas anser.

See how y••ng Rufus walks in green each day, As if he ne'r was youthfull untill now: E're Christmas next, his green Goose will be gray, And those high burnish'd plumes in's cap will bow.

But you do wrong him, since his purse is full▪ To call him Goose, that is so yong a Gull.

364 Of Ienkyn.

Ienkyn is a rude clown, go tell him so. What need I tell, what he himself doth know? Perhaps he doth not, then he is a sot; For tell me, what knows he that knows it not?

365 To Fortune.

Poets say Fortune's blinde, and cannot see, And therefore to be born withall, if she Sometimes drop gifts on undeserving wights: But sure they are deceiv'd; she hath her sight, Els could it not at all times so fall out, That fools should have, & wise men go with∣out.

366 Vnde venis, memora.

With earthen plate, Agathocles, they say, Did use to meal; so serv'd with Samo's clay, When jewell'd plate, and rugged earth was by, He seem'd to mingle wealth and poverty. One ask'd the cause: he answers, I that am Si••ilia's King, from a poor Potter came.

Hence learn, thou that art rais'd from mean estate▪ To sudden riches, to be temperate.

367 On Leucus.

Leucus loves life, yet liveth wickedly; H•• ha••eth death, yet wisheth he may dy Honestly and well: so what is naught he loves, And what he would have good, he nought ap∣proves.

368 On Biscus.

I pray you Sir, give Biscus leave to speak, The Gander loves to hear himself to creak.

369 In Thrasonem.

Since Thraso met one stoutly in the field, He crakes his spirit, & knows not how to yield; Looks big, swears, strouts with set-side-arms the streets, Yet gently yields the wal to al he meets. And to his friends that asks the reason, why? His an••wer's this, My self I grace thereby: For every one the common proverb knows, That alwaies to the wall the weakest go's.

370 In Cornutum.

One told his wife, a Hart's-head he had bought, To hang his Hat upon, and home it brought. To whom his frugal wife, What needs that ca••••▪ I hope, sweet-heart, your head your hat can bear▪

371 On More-dew.

More-dew the Mercer, with a kinde salute, Would needs intreat my custom •• for a suit: Here Sir, quoth he, for Sattins, Velvets call, What e're you please, Ile take your word for all▪ I thank'd, took, gave my word; say than, Am I at all indebted to this man?

372 On Sims mariage.

Six moneths, quoth Sim, a Suitor, and not sped▪ I in a sev'n-night did both woo & wed. Who gre••n fruit loves, must take long pains to shake▪ Thine was some downfall, I dare undertake.

373 On a Wittall.

I know my fate, and that must bear; And since I know, I need not fear.

374 On Mopsus.

Mopsus almost, what e're he means to speak, Before it sir-reverence the way must break: Such maners hath sir-reverence learnt at school, That now sir-reverence Mopsus is a fool.

375 On Clym.

Clym cals his wife, & reck'ning all his neighbors, Just half of them are Cuckolds, he averrs. Nay fie, quoth she, I would they heard you speak; You of your self, it seems, no reckoning make.

376 Turpe lucrum Veneris.

Will in a wilfull humour, needs would wed A wench of wonder, but without a stock; Whose fame no sooner through the street was spred, But thither straight our chiefest Gallants flock. Put ca••e she's poor, brings she not chapmen on? I hope his stock may serve to graff upon.

377 On Womens f••ults.

Wee Men in many faults abound, But two in Women can be found:

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The worst that from their sex proceeds, Is naught in words, and naught in deeds.

378 Si hodie tibi, cras mihi.

A scornfull Dame, invited over-night, To come and dine next morrow with a Knight, Refus'd his sudden bidding with disdain. To whom this message was return'd again; Sith with so short time she could not dispence, To pray her come at that day Twelve-moneth hence.

379 On Law.

Our Civill-Law doth seem a Royall thing, It hath more Titl••s than the Spanish King: But yet the Common-Law quite puts it down, In getting, like the Pope, so many a Crown.

380 Better lost than found.

Lo here's a Coyner, yet he fears no death, For he ne'r stamps in mettall, but in breath: Swears from Believe me, & Good-faith & troth, Up to God-damn-me; and without an oath

Protests in nothing, be he ne'r so bare, He's brave in this, that he can bravely swear.

381 In Coam.

A nor 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 will Coa espy, Till she ascend up the corner'd 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉.

382 De Ore.

Os of O, a Mouth, Scaliger doth make; And from this letter, Mouth his name doth take. I had been in Scaligers belief, But that I look'd in O, and saw no Teeth.

383 In Hugonem.

Though praise, & please, doth Hugo never none, Yet praise, and please, doth Hugo ever one; For praise, and please, doth Hugo himself alone.

384 Fronti nulla fides.

Cantus that Wooll-ward went, was wondred at; Which he excus'd, as done through pure contri∣tion. But who so simple, Cantus, credits that? Tis too wel known, thou art of worse condition.

And therefore if no linnen thee begirt, The naked truth will prove, thou hast no shirt.

385 On Severus.

Severus is extreme in Eloquence, For he creates rare phrase, but rarer sence: Unto his Serving-man, alias, his Boy. H•• utters speech exceeding quaint and coy; Diminitive, and my defective slave, My Pleasures pleasure is, that I must have My Corps Coverture, and immediately, T'insconce my person from frigidity. His man believes all's Welsh his master spoke, Till he rails English, Rogue, go fetch my Cloak.

386 On a Gallant.

What Gallant's that, whose oathes fly through mine ears? How like a Lord of Pluto's Court he swears! How Dutch-man like he swallows down his drink! How sweet he takes Tobacco, til he stink! How lofty sprighted, he disdains a Boor: How faithfull hearted he is to a—! How cock-tail proud he doth himself advance! How rare his Spurs do ring the Morri••e-dance!

Now I protest, by Mistris Susans Fann, He and his Boy will make a proper Man.

387 Against Caius.

Twenty small pieces I'd have borrowed late, Which, if bestow'd, had been a gift not great: For, 'twas a rich fri••nd whom I ask'd, and old; Whose crowded chests would scarce his riches hold. He cry's, Turn Lawyer, and thou'lt thrive: I'•• have No Conncell, Caius, give me what I crave.

388 On Vertue, Milla's maid.

Saith Aristotle, Vertue ought to be Communicative of her self, and free; And hath not Vertue, Milla's maid, been so? Who's grown hereby, as big as she can go.

389 On Corydon.

An home-spun Peasant with his Urine-glasse, The Doctour ask'd what Country-man he was. Quoth Corydon, with making legs full low, Your Worship, that, shall ••y my Water kn••w.

389 Fam•• mendax.

Report, thou sometime art ambitious, At other times, too sparing, covetous; But many times exceeding envious, And out of time most dev'lish, furious. Of some, or all of these, I dare compound thee; But for a Lyer ever have I found thee.

390 On a Spanish souldier.

A Spanish souldier, sick unto the death, His Pistoll to's Physician did bequeath. Who did demand, what should the reason be, 'Bove other things to give him that. (Quoth he) This, with your practise joyned, you may kill, Sir, all alive, and have the world at will.

391 On Otho.

Three daughters Otho hath, his onely heirs, But will by no means let them learn to write; 'Cause, after his own humour, much he fears, They'l one day learn, Love-letters to indite. The yongest now's with childe; who taught her then, Or of her self learn'd she to hold her pen?

392 On Hypocrisy.

As Venison in a poor mans kitchin's rare, So Hypocrites and Usurers in Heaven are.

393 On Man and Woman.

When Man and Woman dies, as Poets sung, His Heart's the last that stirs, of hers, the Tongue.

394 On Fabullus.

I ask'd Fabullus, why he had no wife? (Quoth he) because I'd live a quiet life.

395 On Furnus.

Furnus takes pains, he need not without doubt; O yes, he labours much. How? with the Gowt.

396 On a Thief.

A Thief condemned for a hainous crime, Was for to lose his tongue at the same time: But he the Court intreats with feigned tears, To spare his Tongue, and cut off both his Ears.

To t••is, the Judge, and all the Bench agreed, A••d for th'Executioner sent with speed: Who being come, and searching, there was found No Ears, but Hairs; at which, all laughed round▪ Sai••h th'Ju••ge, thou hast no Ears. Sir (quoth the wight) Where there is nought, the King must lose his right.

397 Quidn•••• ebrietas?

••ubin reports, his Mistris is a Punk; Which being told ••er, was no whit dismaid, For sure as death (quoth she) the villains drunk▪ And in that taking, knows not what he said. 'Twas well excus'd, but oft it comes to pas••e, That true we finde, In vino veritas.

398 Infirmis-animosus.

••ontus by no means from his coyn departs, Z'foot, will you have of men more than their hearts?

399 A culina ad curiam.

Lixa, that long a Serving-groom hath been, Will now no more the man be known or seen: And reason good, he hath that place resign'd, Witnes his cloak, throughout with velvet lin'd.

Which by a Paradox comes thus to passe, The greasie Gull is turn'd a gallant asse.

400 Fruf••ra vocaveris heri.

Dick had but two words to maintain him ever, And t••at was, Stand; and after, stand-Deliver. But Dick's in Newgate, and he fears shall never Be blest again with that sweet word, D••liver▪

401 Magnis non est morandum.

See how Silenus walks accomplished, With due performance of his fathers Page: Looks back of purpose to be honoured, And on each slight occasion 'gins to rage; You villain, dog, where hath your stay bin such▪ Quoth he, the Broaker would not lend so muc••▪

402 Puduit sua ••amna referre.

Such ill successe had Dick, at Dice, last night, As he was forc'd, next day, play least in sight: But if you love him, make thereof no speeches, He lost his Rapier, Cloak, and velvet Breeches.

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403 Nimis-docuit consuetudo.

Old Fucus board is oft replenished, But nought thereof must be diminished, Vnless some worthless upper-dish or twain; The rest for service still again remain. His man that us'd to bring them in for show, Leaving a dish upon the bench below, Was by his Master (much offended) blam'd: Which he, as brief, with answer quickly fram'd; 'Tath been so often brought afore this day, As now ch'ad thoft it self had known the way.

404 Poculo junguntur amici.

A health, saith Lucas, to his Loves bright eye; Which no•• to pledge, were much indignity: You cannot do him greater courtesie, Than to be drunk, and damn'd for company.

405 Nullum s••imulum ignaris.

Caecus awake, was told the Sun appear'd, Which had the darkness of the morning clear'd: But Caecus sluggish, thereto makes reply, The Sun hath further far to go than I.

406 Detur laus digniori.

Mistris Marina 'mongst some gossips sate, Where faces were the Subject of their chat; Some look'd too pale, some seem'd too fiery red, Some brown, some black, and some ill fashioned. Good Lord (quoth she) you all are much to blame, Let's alone, and praise the maker of the same: Her Chamber maid, who heard her, standing by, Said, then love me, for that you know was I.

407 Non p••nna, sed ••sus.

Caius accounts himselfe accurst of men, Only because his Lady loves him not: Who, till he taught her, could not hold her Pen, And yet hath since, another Tutor got. Caius, it seems, thy skill she did but cheapen, And means to try him at another weapen.

408 An absolute Gallant.

If you will see true valour here display'd, Heare Poly-phemus, and be not afraid: D'ye see me wrong'd, and will ye thus restrain me? Sir let me go, for by these hilts I'le braine ye.

Shall a base patch, with appearance wrong me? I'le kill the villaine, pray do not prolong me; Call my Tobacco pu••rified stuffe? Tell me it stinks? say it is drosse I snuffe? Sirrah what are you? why sir what would you? I am a Prentice, and will knock you too: O are you so? I cry you mercy then, I am to fight with none but Gentlemen.

409 In Dolentem.

Dolens doth shew his purse, and tels you this, It is mor•• horrid than a Pest-house is; For in a Pest-house many mortals enter, But in his purse one angell dares not venture.

410 Ambo-dexter.

Two Gentlemen of hot and fiery sp'rite, Took boat and went up west-ward to go fight; Embarked both, for Wend-worth they set Sail, And there arriving with a happy gale. The Water-men discharged for their fare, Then to be parted, thus their minds declare: Pray Oares, say they, stay here, and come not nigh, We go to fight a little, but here by:

The Water-men, with Staves did follow then, And cry'd, oh hold your hands, good Gentlemen, You know the danger of the Law, forbear; So they put weapons up, and fell to swear.

411 On a Gallant.

Sirrah come hither, boy, take view of me, My Lady I am purpos'd to go see; What, doth my Feather flourish with a grace? And this my curled hair become my face? How decent doth my doublet's forme appear? I would I had my sute in Hounds-ditch here. Do not my Spurs pronounce a silv••r sound? Is not my hose-circumference profound? Sir these be well, but there is one thing ill, Your Taylor with a sheet of paper-bill, Vow's he'll be paid, and Sergeants he hath fee'd▪ Which wait your comming forth to do the deed. Boy God-a-mercy, let 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Lady stay, I'le see no Counter for her sake to day▪

412 In sextum.

Sextus sixe pockets wears; two for his uses, The other four, to pocket up abuses.

413 Tom's Fortune.

Tom tels he's robb'd, and counting all his losses, Concludes, all's gone, the world is full of crosses: If all be gone, Tom take this comfort then, Th'art certain never to have crosse agen.

414 Opus & Vsus.

Opus for need, consum'd his wealth apace, And ne're would cease untill he was undone; His brother Vsus liv'd in better case Than Opus did although the eldest Son. 'Tis strange it should be so, yet here was it, Opus had all the Land, Vsus the Wit.

415 A good Wi••e.

A Batchelor would have a Wife were wis••, Faire, rich, and yong, a maiden for his his bed— Nor proud, no•• churli••h, but of faultlesse size; A Country huswife, in the City bred. But he's a fool, and long in vain hath staid; He should bespeak her, there's none ready made.

416 On an inconstant Mistris.

I dare not much say, when I thee commend, Lest thou be changed e're my prayses end.

417 In Lesbiam.

Why should I love thee Lesbia? I no reason see, Then out of reason, Lesbia I love thee.

418 In Paulinum.

Paul by day wrongs me, yet he daily swears. He wisheth me as well as to his soul: I know his drift to damne that he nought cares, To please his body; therefore good friend Paul, If thy kind Nature, will affoord me grace, Hereafter love me in thy body's place.

419 On Zeno.

Zeno would faine th'old widow Egle have; Trust me she's wise, for she is rich and brave: But Zeno, Zeno, she will none of you, In my mind she's the wiser of the two.

420 To Cotta.

Be not wroth Cotta, that I not salute thee, I us'd it whilst I wor thy did repute thee; Now thou art made a painted saint, and I, Cotta, will not commit Idolatry.

421 To Women.

Ye that have beauty, and withall no pity, Are like a prick-song lesson without ditty.

422 On Creta.

Creta doth love her husband wondro••s well, It needs no proof, for every one can tell: So strong's her love, tha•• if I not mist ake, It doth extend to others, for his sake.

423 On Priscus.

Why still doth Priscus strive to have the wall? Because he's often dr••nk, and fears to fall.

424 Ictus piscator sapit.

Brutus at length escap'd the Surgeons hands, Begins to frollique as if all were well; And would not for the worth of thrice his lands, Endure the brunt of such another hell; But leaves this farewell, for his Physicks hire; the child tha••'s burnt, for ever dreads the fire.

425 On Rufus.

At all, quoth Rufus, set ye, what you dare? I'le throw at all, and 'twere a peck of gold; No life lies on't, then coyn I'le never spare, Why Rufus, that's the cause of all that's sold. For with franck gamesters it doth oft befall, they throw at all, till thrown quite out of all.

426 On Tobacco.

Tobacco is a weed of so great power, That it (like earth) doth all it feeds, devour.

427 Ne•• vultus indicat virum.

Dick in a raging deep discourtesie, Call'd an A••torny meer necessity: The more Kna••e he, admit he had no Law, Must he be ••louted at by every Daw?

428. On F••rius.

Furius a Lover was, and had loving fits▪ He lov'd so madly, that he lost his wits; Yet he lost nought, yet grant I he was mad, How could he loose that which he never had?

429 Fooles Fortune.

God sends fools Fortune, but not to all, For some are great fools, whose fortunes are small.

430 Tace sed age.

Little or nothing said, soon mended is, But they that nothing do, do most amisse.

431 On a Mad-màn.

One ask'd a mad-man if a wife he had? A wife, quoth he, I never was so mad.

432 To Scilla.

If it be true, that promise is a debt, Then Scill•• will her freedome hardly get; For if she hath vow'd her service to so many, She'll neither pay them all, nor part from any. Yet she to satisfy her debts, desires To yeild her body (as the La•• r••quires.)

433 Nescis, quid serus vesper vehat.

Lyncus deviseth as he lies in bed, What new apparrell, he were best to make him: So many fashions flow within his head, As much he fears the Taylor will mistake him: But he mistook him not, that by the way, Did for his old ••uit lay him up, that day.

434 To Ficus.

Ficus hath lost his nose, but knows not how, And that seems strange to every one that knows it:

Methinks I see it written in his brow, How, wherefore, and the cause that he did loose it. To tell you true, Ficus I thus suppose, 'Twas some French Caniball, bit off your nose.

435 Of Arnaldo.

Arnaldo free from fault, demands his wife, Why he is burthen'd with her wicked life? Quoth she, good husband, do not now repent, I far more burthens bear, yet am content.

436 Quis nisi mentis inops—

Ware profer'd, stinks, yet stay good Proverb, stay, Thou art deceiv'd, as clients best can say; Who profering trebble fees, for single care, It's well accepted, gold it is such ware.

437 On a Friend inde••d.

A reall friend a Canon cannot batter; With nom'nall friends, a Squib's a perilous matter.

438 Mans ingresse, and egresse.

Nature, which headlong, into life did throng us, With our feet forward, to our grave doth bring us: What is lesse ours, than this our borrowed breat••? We stumble into life, we go to death.

439 On bad de••tors.

Bad debtors are good lyers; for they say, I'le pay you without fail, on such a day: Come is the day, to come the debt is still, So still they lye, though stand in debt they will. But Fulcus hath so oft ly'd in this wise, That now he lies in Lud-gate for his lyes.

440 On a foolish dolt.

A Justice walking o're the frozen Thames, The Ice about him round, began to crack; He said to's man, here is some danger, Iames, I prethee help me over on thy back.

441 On Panurgus.

Panurgus pryes in high and low affairs, He talks of forraigne, and our civill state:

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But for his own, he neither counts nor cares; That he refers to fortune and his ••ate, His neighbors faults straight in his face he'l find, But in a bag he laps his own behind.

442 To a sleeping talker.

In sleep thou talk'st unfore-thought mysteries, And utter'st unfore-seen things, with close eyes: How wel wouldst thou discourse, if thou wert dead, Since sleep, death's image, such fine talk hath bred?

443 Omne simile non est idem.

Together as we walk'd, a friend of mine, Mistook a painted Madam for a signe That in a window stood; but I acquainted, Told him it was no woodden signe was painted, But Madam—yea true said he, Yet 'tis little signe of modesty.

444 Qui ebrius laudat temperantiam.

Severus likes not these unseason'd lines, Of rude absurdities, times foul abuse, To all posterities, and their assignes, That might have bin, saith he, to better use.

What sencelesse gull, but reason may convince, Or jade so dull, but being kick'd will wince.

445 On Misus.

They say the Usurer Misus hath a mill, Which men to powder grindeth cruelly; But what is that to me? I feare no ill, For smaller than I am, I cannot be.

446 On wisdome and vertue.

Wise-men are wiser than good-men, what then? 'Tis better to be wiser than wise men.

447 On Ducus.

Ducus keeps house, and it with reason stands, That he keep house, hath sold away his lands,

448 On Mysus, and Mopsus.

Mysus and Mopsa hardly could agree, Striving about superiority: The Text which saith that man and wife are one, Was the chief argument they stood upon.

She held, they both one woman should become: He held, they should be man, and both but one. So they contended dayly, but the strife; Could not be ended, till both were one wife.

448 On Photinus.

I met Photynus at the B. Court, Cited (as he said) by a knave relator: I ask'd him wherefore? he in laughing sort, Told me it was but for a childish matter. How ere he laught it out, he lied not: Indee d'twas childish, for the child he got.

449 On Ca••triotes.

See, see, what love is now betwixt each fist, Since Castriotes had a scabby wrist: How kindly they, by clawing one another, As if the left ha••d were the right hands brother.

450 New Rhetoricke.

Good arguments without coyn, will not stick, To pay, and not to say's best Rhetorick.

451 Est mi••i Diva parens.

Ominus wondreth, since he came from Wales, What the description of this Isle might be; That ne're had seen but mountains, hils, and dales, Yet would he boast, and stand on's pedegree. From Rice ap Ric••ard, sprung from Dick a Cow, Be cod was right good gentle-man, look ye now?

452 On T••irsites.

Although Thirsites have a filthy facae, And staring eyes, and little outward grace: Yet this he hath, to make amends for all, Nature h••r selfe, is not more naturall.

453 On Zoylus.

If Souldiers may obtain four Termes of war, Muskets should be the pleaders, Pikes the bar: For black bags, Bandeleirs, Jackets for gownes, Angels for fees; we'll take no more crack't crowns.

454 On a swearing Gallant.

What God cōmands, this wretched creature loathes, He never names his Maker, but by oathes:

And weares his tongue, of such a damned fashion, That swearing is his only recreation. In morning, even assoon as he doth rise, He swears his sleep is scarcely out of's eyes; Then makes him ready, swearing all the while, The drowzy weather did him much beguile. Got ready, he, to dice or tables goes, Swearing an oath, at every cast he throws: To dinner next, and then in stead of Grace, He swears his stomack is in hungry case. No sooner din'd, but calls, come take away, And swears 'tis late, he must goe see a Play. There sits, and swears, to all he hears and see's, This speech is good, that action disagrees. So takes his Oa••es, and swears he must make hast, His houre of Supper-time is almost past.

455 On a long Beard.

Thy Beard is long, better it would thee ••it, To have a shorter Be••rd, and longer wit.

456 On my Selfe.

Who seeks to please all men each way, And not himselfe offend;

He may begin to work to day, But God knows when hee'l end.

457 To the mis-interperter.

Cease gaul'd backt guilt, those inscious lines to mince, The world wil know y'are rubd if once you wince They hem within their ••eeming Critique wall, Particularly none, generally all: 'Mongst which if you have chanc'd to catch a prick Cry we-hy if you will, but do not kick▪

458 On a Mother and her son having but two eyes betwixt the••, each one.

A half blind-boy, born of a half blind mother, Peerlesse for beauty, save compar'd to th' other; Faire boy, give her thine eye and she will prove The Queen of beauty, thou the God of love.

459 To his quill.

Thou hast been wanton, therefore it is meet, Thou 'shouldst do penance do it in a sheet.

460 Of C••irst crucified.

When red the Sun goes down, we use to say It is a signe, we shall have a faire day: Blood red the Sun of Heaven went down from hence And we have had faire weather ever since.

461 On himselfe.

Mirth pleaseth some, to others 'tis offen••e, Some cōmend plain conceits, some profound sence Some wish a witty jest, some dislike that, And most would have themselves they know not what Then he that would plea••e all, and himselfe too, Takes more in hand than he is like to doe.

462 To young men.

Yong men fly, when beauty darts Amorous glances at your hearts, The fixt marke gives your shooter aime, And Ladyes lookes have power to maime, Now 'twixt their lips, now in ••heir eyes 〈◊〉〈◊〉 a kisse or smile love lyes, Then fly betimes for onely they Conquer love that run away.

463 The pens prosopopeia to the Scrivener.

Thinike who when you cut the quill, Wounded was yet did no ill; When you mend me, thinke you must Mend your selfe, else you're unjust When you dip my nib in Inke, Thinke on him that gall did drinke, When the Inke sheds from your pen, Thinke who shed his blood for men; When you write, but thinke on this, And you ne're shall write amisse.

464 A raritie.

If thou bee'st born to strange sights, Things invisible to see: Ride ten thousand dayes and nights, Till age snow white haires on thee. And thou when thou return'st wilt tell me; All strange wonders that befell thee, And thou 'lt sweare that no where Lives a maiden true and faire.

465 Vpon Tom Tolt••am's nose.

The radiant colour of Tom Toltham's nose, Puts down the lilly and obscures the rose; Had I a jewell of such pretious hew, I would present it to some Monarch's view, No subject should possesse such jems as those Ergo, the King must have Tom Toltham's nose.

466 Vpon Thorough-good an unthrif••.

Thy sir name Thorough-good befitteth thee, Thou T••orough-good, and good goes thorough thee Nor thou in good, nor good in thee doth stay, Both of you, thorough goe, and passe away.

467 In Amorem.

Love, if a God thou art, then evermore thou must Be mercifull and just, If just thou be, O wherefore doth thy dart, Wound mine alone, and not my Mistrisse heart? If mercifull, then why am I to paine reserv'd, Who have the truly serv'd? Whiles she that for thy power cares not a fly, ••aughs thee to scorn, and lives at liberty:

Then if a God thou wilt accounted be Heale me like her, or else wound her like me.

468 Ariddle on a pound of candles.

One evening as cold as cold might bee, With frost and snow, and pinching weather, Companions about three times three, Lay close all in a bed together; Yet one after other they took•• a heat, And dy'd that night all in a sweat.

469 On the new aressings.

Ladyes that weare black cypresse vailes, Turn'd lately to white linnen railes, And to your girdle weare your bands; And shew your armes in stead of hands: What can you do in Lent more meet, As fittest dresse, than weare a sheet: 'Twas once a band, tis now a cloake, An acorne one day proves an oake, Weare but your lawn unto your feet, And then your band will prove a sheet:

By which device and wise excesse, You do your pennance in a dresse, And none shall know, by what they see, Which Lady's censur'd, which goes free.

469 T••us answered.

Blacke Cypresse vailes are shrouds of night, White linnen railes are railes of light; Which though we to our girdles weare, W'have hands to keepe your armes off there; Who makes our bands to be a cloake, Makes Iohn a Stiles of Iohn an Oke: We weare our linnen to our feet, Yet need not make our band a sheet. Your Clergie wears as long as wee, Yet that implyes conformitie: Be wise, recant what you have writ, Least you do pennance for your wit: Love charmes have power to weave a string Shall tye you, as you ty'd your ring, Thus by loves sharpe, but just decree You may be censur'd, we go free.

470 Amicitia.

What's ••riendship? 'tis a treasure, 'tis a pleasure:

Bred 'twixt two worthy spirits, by their merits: 'Tis two ••inds in one, meeting never fleeting: Two wils in one consenting, each contenting, One brest in two divided, yet not parted; A double body, and yet single hearted; Two bodies making one, through self election, Two minds, yet having both but one affection.

471▪ To his Mistrisse.

I cannot pray you in a studied stile, Nor speak words distant from my heart a mile; I cannot visit Hide-parke every day, And with a hackney court my time away; I cannot spanniolize it weeke by week, Or waite a moneth to kisse your hand or cheek; If when you'r lov'd you cannot love againe, Why doe but say so, I am out of paine.

472 On the Queene of Bohemia.

You meaner Beauties of the night, Which poorely satisfie our eyes;

More by your number then your light; The common people of the skies: What are ye when the moon shall rise? You violets that first appeare, By your purple mantle known; Like proud virgins of the yeere, As if the Spring were all your own; What are you when the rose is blown? You wandring chaunters of the wood, That fill the ayre with natures layes: Thinking your passions understood, By weak accents, where's your praise, When Philomell her voyce shall raise: So when my Princesse shall be seen, In sweetnes of her lookes and mind: By vertues first, then choyce a Queen, Tell me, was she not design'd, Th' eclipse and glory of her kind?

473 To his noble friend.

There's no necessity that can exclude The poorest being from a gratitude; For when the strength of fortune lends no more, He that is truely thankefull is not poore,

Yours be the bounty then, mine the great debt, On which no time, nor power can ransome set.

474 Fatum Supremum.

All buildings are but monuments of death, All clothes but winding sheets for our last knell, All dainty fattings for the worms beneath, All curious musique, but our passing bell; Thus death is nobly waited on, for why? All that we have is but deaths livery.

475 On his Mrs. death

Unjustly we complain of fate, For short'ning our unhappy dayes, When death doth nothing but translate And print ••s in a better phrase; Yet who can choose but weep? not I, That beautie of such excellence, And more vertue then could dy; By deaths rude hand is ravish'd hence, Sleepe blest creature in thine Urne, My sighes, my teares shall not awake thee, I but stay untill my turne And then, Oh then! I'le overtake thee.

476 Aequè facilitas ac difficultas nocet amoris.

I love not her that at the first cries I, I love not her that doth me still deny, Be she too hard shee'll cause me to despaire, Be she too easie, shee's as light as faire; 'Tis hard to say whether most hurt procure, She that is hard or easy to allure, If it be so, then lay me by my side The hard, soft, willing and unwilling bride.

477 In monumenta Westminsteriensia.

Mortality behold and feare, What a change of flesh is here; Thinke how many royall bones, Sleep within this heap of stones, Here they ly, had realmes and lands; Who now want strength to stir their hands; Where from their Pulpits seel'd with dust, They preach, In greatnes is no trust; Here's an acre sown indeed, With the richest royal'st seed, That the earth did e're suck in Since the first man dy'd for sin, Here the bones of birth have cry'd, Though Gods they were, as men they dy'd:

Here are sands, ignoble things, Drop'd from the ruin'd sides of Kings; Here's a world of pompe and state, Buried in dust, once dead by fate.

478 Semel it sa••ivimus.

Beldam, God blesse thee, thou want'st nought but wit And having gotten that, we'r freed from it, Bridewell, I cannot any way dispraise thee For thou dost feed the poore and jerke the lazie. New-gate, of thee I cannot much complaine; For once a moneth, thou freest men out of paine, But from the Counters gracious Lord defend us: To Bedlam, Bridewell, or to New gate send us, For there in time wit, worke, or law sets free; But here wit, work, nor law gets liberty.

479 On the Marriage of one Turbolt, with Mrs. Hill.

What are Deucalions dayes return'd that we, A Turbolt swimming on a Hill do see? What shall we in this age so strange report, That fishes leave the sea on hils to sport? And yet this hill, though never tir'd with standing Lay gently down to give a Turbolt landing.

480 Vpon Annas marriadge with a lawyer.

Anne is an angell, what if so shee be? What is a angell? but a lawyers fee.

481 In Cupidinem.

Who grafts in blindnes may mistake his stock, Love hath no tree, but that whose bark is smock.

482 Aenigma.

The Devill men say in Devonshire dy'd of late; But Devonshire lately liv'd in rich estate, Till Rich his toyes did Devonshire so bewitch, As Devonshire dy'd and left the Devill rich.

483 On Cupid.

Why feign they Cupid robbed of sight; Can he whose seat is in the eye, want light?

484 A•• answer.

Experience shews, and reason doth decree That he who sits in's owne light cannot see.

485 Barten Holiday to the Puritan on his Technogamia.

'Tis not my person, nor my play, But my sirname, Holiday, That does offend thee, thy complaints Are not against me, but the Saints; So ill dost thou endure my name, Because the Church doth like the same, A name more awfull to the puritane Then Talbo•• unto france, or Drake to Spaine▪

486 On a Picture.

This face here pictur'd time shall longer have, Then life the substance of it, or the grave, Yet as I change from this by death I know, I shall like death, the liker death I grow.

487 In Meretrices.

The law hangs theeves for their unlawfull stealing, The law carts bawds for keeping of the doore, The law doth punish rogues, for roguish dealing, The law whips both the pander and the whore; But yet I muse from whence this law is grown; Whores must not steal, yet must not use their own.

487 On the Citty Venice.

When in the Adriatick Neptune saw How Venice stood, and gave the seas their law, Boast thy Tarpeian towers, now Iove said he, And Mars thy wals, if Tiber 'fore the sea Thou dost prefer, view both the cities ods, Thou'l•• say that men built Rome, Venice, the gods.

488 To a Lady that every morning used to paint her fa••e.

Preserve what nature gave you, nought's more base, Th••n Belgian colour on a Roman face, Much good time's lost, you rest your faces debtor, And make it worse, striving to make it better.

489 On a Cuckold.

My friend did tax me seriously one morne, That I would weare, yet could not winde a horne And I reply'd he perfect truth should find it, Many did weare the horn that could not wind it, Howe're of all that man may weare it best, Who makes claime to it as his ancient crest.

490 Vpon Marriage.

Marriage as old men note, hath likened bin Unto a publiq••e feast or common route, Where those that are without, would fain get in, And those that are within would faine get out.

491 Quicquid non nummus.

The mony'd man can safely saile all seas, And make his fortune as himselfe shall please, He can wed Danae, and command that now Acrisius selfe that fatall match allow: He can declaime, chide, censure verses, write, And do all things better then Cato might; He knows the Law and rules it, hath and is Whole Servius, and what Labeo can possesse, In briefe let rich men wish what e're they love, 'Twill come, they in a lock'd chest keep a Iove.

492 On Annas a news-monger.

Annas hath long eares for all news to passe: His eares must needs be long for hee's an asse.

494 Semel in••anivimus omnes.

Thus have I waded through a worthlesse taske, Whereto I trust there's no exception ta'ne, For meant to none, I answer such as aske, 'Tis like apparell made in birchen lane; If any please to suit themselves and weare it, The blames not mine but theirs that needs will weare it.

495 To Aulus.

Some (speaking in their own renown) Say that this book, was not exactly done; I care not much, like banquets, let my bookes Rather be pleasing to the guests then cooks.

496 Ad sesquipedales poetastros.

Hence Brauron's God to Tauriminion, And you Levaltoring Corybants be gone; Fly thundring Bronsterops to Hippocrene, And Maur••s to nimph nursing Mytelene; Grisly Maegera's necromantique spell Depart to blacke nights Acheronticke cell: Avaunt transformed Epidarian, Unto th' Antipod Isles of Tabraban,

Away Cyllenius plumy-pinnion'd God, With thy peace making wand, snake charming rod And all the rest not daring looke upon Vranus' blood-borne brood, and fell Typhon Chimaera's victor great Bellepheron; Thou vanquisher of Spanish Geryon, Stout Asdruball Sicilian Lord of yore, Thou that destroyd'st the Calidonian bore; Couragious conqueror of Creetes Minotaure, Thou pride of Mermeros' cloudy Semitaure. Perseus whose marble stone transforming shield; Enfor••'d the whale, Andromeda to yeeld, You Argonautes that scour'd Syndromades, And pass't the quicke sands of Semplegades, Helpe Demogorgon, King of heaven and earth, Chaos Lucina at Litigiums birth, The world with child looks for delivery Of Cannibals or Poetophagie; A devillish brood, from Ericthonius, From Iphidemia, Nox, and Erebus, Chide Pegasus for op'ning Helicon, And Poets damn to Pery-Phlegeton, Or make this monstrous birth abortive be Or else I will shake hands with poetrie.

497 A Serving man.

One to a Serving man this councell sent, To get a Master that's intelligent; Then if of him no wages he could get, Yet he would understand he's in his debt.

498 Two Theeves.

Two Theeves by night began a lock to pick, One in the house awake; thus answer'd quick, Why how now? what a stir you there do keep, Goe home again, we are not yet asleep.

499 A Physitian and a Farrier.

A neate Physitian for a Farrier sends To dresse his horse, promising him amends. Nay (quoth the Farrier) amends is made, For nothing do we take of our own trade.

500 A poore Peasant.

A poore man being sent for to the King, Began to covet much a certaine thing Before he went: being but an Iron naile, His friend did aske him what it would availe?

(Quoth he) this is as good as one of steele, For me to knock now into fortunes wheele.

501 Three Pages.

Three Pages on a time together met, And made a motion, that each one would let The other know what hee'd desire to be Having his wish, thereto they did agree. Quoth one, to be a Melon I would chuse, For then I'm sure, none would refuse To kisse my breech although the sent were hot, And so they'd know whether I were good or not.

502 A Gentleman and his Phisitian.

A Gentleman not richest in discretion, Was alwayes sending for his own phisition. And on a time he needs would of him know, What was the cause his pulse did go so slow? Why (quoth the Doctor) thus it comes to passe, Must needs go slow, which goes upon an asse.

503 A Peasant and his wife.

A Peasant with his wife was almost wilde, To understand his Daughter was with childe, And said if to the girle sh'ad taken heed, Sh'ad not been guilty of so foule a deed. Husband (said she) I sweare by cock, (Welfare a good old token) The Dev••ll him selfe can't keep that lock Which every key can open.

504 G-L-Asse.

He that loves Glasse without a G, Leave out L and that is hee.

—Nihil hic nisi carmina desunt.

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