Lingua: or The combat of the tongue, and the fiue senses for superiority A pleasant comœdie.

Prologue.

OVr Muse describes no Louers passion, No wretched Father, no vnthriftie Sonne: No crauing subtile Whore, or shamlesse Bawde, Nor stubborne Clowne, or daring Parasite, No lying Seruant, or bold Sycophant. We are not wanton, or Satyricall. These haue their time and places fit, but we Sad houres, and serious studies, to repriue, Haue taught seuere Phylosophy to smile. The Senses rash contentions we compose, And giue displeas'd ambitious TONGVE her due: Heres all Iudicious friends; accept what is not ill, Who are not such, let them do what they will.

Actus. 1. Scena 1.

LINGVA, apparrelled in a Crimson Satten gowne, a Dressing of white Roses, a little Skeane tyed in a purple Skarfe, a paire of red Buskins drawne with white Ribband, silke garters▪ gloues, &c.

AVDITVS, in a Garland of Bayes intermingled with red & white Roses vpon a false hayre, a cloath of Siluer Mantle vpon a paire of Sattin Bases, wrought sleeues, Buskins, Gloues, &c.

LINGVA. AVDITVS.

LING.

NAy good Auditus doe but heare me speake.

AVD.

Lingua thou strik'st too much vpon one string, Thy tedious plaine-song grates my tender eares.

LING.

'Tis plaine indeed, for Truth no descant needs, Vna's her name, she cannot be diuided.

AVD.

O but the ground it selfe is nought, from whence Thou canst not relish out a good diuision: Therefore at length sur-cease, prooue not starke madde, Hopelesse to prosecute a haplesse sute: For though (perchance) thy first straines pleasing are, I dare ingage mine eares, the cloze will iarre.

LING.

If then your confidence esteem my cause, To be so friuolous and weakely wrought. Why do you dayly subtile plots deuise, To stop me from the eares of common Sense, Whom since our great Queene 〈◊〉〈◊〉 hath ordain'd, For his souod wisdome, our Vice-gouernour, To him, and to his two so wise assistants, Nimble Phantastes, and firme Memor••e: My selfe and cause, I humbly do commit, Let them but heare and ••udge, I wish no more.

AVD.

Should they but know thy rash presumption, They would correct it in the sharpest sort: Good low what Sense hast thou to be a Sense; Since from the first foundation of the world, We neuer were accounted more then fiue; Yet you forsooth, an idle prating Dame,

Would faine increase the number, and vp-start To our high seates, decking your babling selfe With vsurpt titles of our dignitie.

LING.

An idle p••ating dame: know fond Auditus, Records affirme my title full as good, As his amongst the siue is counted best.

AVD.

Lingua confesse the truth, th'art wont to lie.

LING.

I say so too, therefore I do not lye, But now spite of you all I speake the truth. You fiue among vs subiects tyrannize, Making the sacred name of common sense, A cloake to couer your enormities: Hee beares the rule, hee's iudge but iudgeth still, As hee's informed by your false euidence: So that a plaintife cannot haue accesse, But through your gates hee heares but what, nought els But that thy crafty eares to him conuaies, And all hee sees is by proud Visus shewed him: And what hee touches is by Tactus hand, And smells I know but through Olfactus nose, Gustus beginns to him what ere he tastes: By these quaint tricks free passage hath beene bard That I could neuer equally bee heard, But well tis well.

AVD.

Lingua thy feeble sexe, Hath hither-to with-held my ready hands That longd to plucke that nimble instrument,

LING.

O horrible ingratitude? that thou, That thou of all the rest shouldst threaten me: Who by my meanes conceiust as many tongues, As Neptune closeth lands betwixt his armes; The ancient Hebrewe clad with misteries, The learned Greeke rich in fit Epithites. Blest in the louely marriage of pure words, The Caldy wise, the Arabian Physicall, The Romaine Eloquent, and Tuscane graue, The Brauing Spanish and the smooth-tongd French, These pretious Iewells that adorne thine eares.

All from my mouthes rich Cabbinet are stolne, How ost hast thou beene chaind vnto my tongue. Hang'd at my lips and rauisht with my words, So that a speech faire fetherd could not flie: But thy ea••es pit-fall caught it instantly, But now O Heauens.

AVD.

O heauens thou wrongst me much, Thou wrongst me much thus falsely to vpbraide me: Had not I g••anted thee the vse of hearing, That sharpe edg'd tounge whetted against her maister, Those pussing lungs, those teeth those dropsie lippes, That scal••ing throate those nosthril••s full of ire▪ Thy pallate proper instruments of speech, Like to the winged chanters of the wood, Vttring nought els but idle siflements, Tunes without sense, words inarticulate: Had neere beene able to 'haue abus'd me thus. Words are thy Children but of my begetting.

LING.

Perfidious Liar how can I endu••e thee, Cal'st my vnspotted chastity in Question: O could I vse t••e B••eath mine anger spends, I••de make thee knowe.

AVD.

Heauens looke on my distresse, Desend me from this rayling viperesle: For if I stay her words sharpe vinigar, Will feet me through, Lingua I must be gone: I heare one cal me more then earnestly.

Exit Auditus.

LING.

Nay the loud cannoning of thunder-boults, Screeking of Wolues, houling of tortur'd Ghos••s Pursue thee still and fill thy amazed ea••es With cold astonishment and horrid feares: O how these senses mufftle common sense: And 〈◊〉〈◊〉, and more with pleasing obiects striue, To dull his iudgement and preuert his will To their be-hests, who were he not so wrapt I' the dus••kie cloudes of their darke pollicies, VVould neuer suffer right to suffer wronge, Fie Lingua wilt thou now degenerate:

Art not a woman, doost not loue reuenge, Delightfull speeches, sweet perswasions I haue this long time vsd to get my right, My right that is to make the Senses sixe; And haue both name and power with the rest. Oft haue I seasoned sauorie periods, With sugred words, to delude Gustus taste, And oft embelisht my entreatiue phrase With smelling flowres of vernant Rhetorique, Limming and flashing it with various Dyes, To draw proud Visus to me by the eyes: And oft perfum'd my petitory stile, With Ciuet-speach, t'entrap Olfactus Nose, And clad my sel••e in Silken Eloquence, To allure the nicer touch of Tactus hand, But all's become lost labour, and my cause Is still procrastinated; therefore now, Hence yee base off-spring of a broken minde, Supple intreaties and smooth flatteries: Go kisse the loue-••ick lippes of puling Guls, That still their Braine to quench their loues disdaine, Go guild the tongues of Bawdes and Parasites, Come not within my thoughts. But thou Deceipt, Breake vp the pleasure of my Brim-full brest, Enrich my minde with subtile pollicies. Well then Ile goe, whither? nay what know I? And do, in faith I will, the deuill knowes what, What if I set them, all at variance, And so obteine to speake, it must be so, It must be so, but how? there lyes the point: How? thus: cut the deuise will neuer proue, Augment it so, 'twill be too soone descride, Or so, nor so, 'tis too too dangerous, Pish, none of these, what if I take this course? ha? Why there it goes, good, good most excellent, He that will catch Eeles must disturbe the floud, The Chickin's hatcht ifaith, for they are proud, And soone will take a cause of disagreement.

ACTVS. 1. SCENA. 2.

MENDACIO, attired in a Taffata sute of a light colour change∣able, like an ordinary, page, Gloues, Hamper.

LINGVA. MENDACIO.

LING.

I see the heauens nurse my new-borne deuise, For loe my page Mendacio comes already, To file and Bu••••ish that I hammerd out, Neuer in better time Mendacio, What hast thou done?

MEN.

Done, yes long agoe.

LING▪

Ist possible thous shouldst dispatch so soone?

MEN.

Madame, I had no sooner told Tactus, that Gustus would faine speake with him: But I spied Visus, Gustus and the rest, And se••ued them all with sauce of seuerall lyes, Now the last Sense I spake with was Olfactus, Who hauing smelt the meaning of my message, Straight blew his nose, and quickly puft me hither, But in the whirle-winde of his furious blast, Had not by chance a Cobweb held me fast, Mendacio had beene with you long ere this,

LING.

Witnesse this lye, Mendacio's with me now, But sirra out of iesting will they come?

MEND.

Yes and it like your Ladyship presently: Here may you haue me prest to flatter them.

LING.

Ile slatter no such proud Companions, 'Twill doe no good, therefore I am determined To leaue such basenesse.

MEN.

Then shall I turne and bid them stay at home.

LING.

No, for their comming hither to this groue, Shall be a meanes to further my deuise, Therefore I pray thee Mendacio go presently, Run you vile Ape.

MEN.

Whether?

LING.

What doost thou stand?

MEN.

Till I know what to doe.

LING.

S'pretious 'tis true, So might thou finely ore-run thine errand. Hast to my Chest.

MEN.

I, I,

LING

There shalt-thou find, A gorgeous Robe, and golden Coronet, Conuey them hither nimbly, let none see them.

MEN.

Madam, I flie, I flie.

Exit Mendacio.

LING.

But here you sirra? Lock vp your fellow Seruant, Veritas,

MEND.

I warrant you, You need not feare so long as I am with you.

He goes out, and comes in presently.

What coulour is the Robe?

LING.

There is but one.

Mendacio going, turnes in hast.

MEN.

The Key Madam, the Key.

LING.

By ••uno how forgetfull is suddaine speed. Here take it, runne.

MEN.

Ile be here instantly.

Exit Mendacio.

ACT. 1. SCENE. 3.

LINGVA Sola,

LING.

Whilome this Crowne and gorgious ornament, Were the great prize, for which fiue Orators, With the sharpe weapons of their tongues contended: But all their speeches were so equall wrought, And a-like gratious, that if his were witty His was as wise; the thirds faire eloquence Did pararell the fourths fi••me g••auitie, The lasts good gesture kept the Ballance euen With all the rest so that the sharpest eye, And most iudicious censor could not iudge To whom the hanging victory should fall, Therefore with one consent they all agreed,

To offer vp both Crowne and Robe to me, As the chiefe patronesse of their profession, Which heretofore I holily haue kept, Like to amisers gold, to looke on onely. But now Ile put them to a better vse, And venter both, in hope to—

ACT. 1. SCENA. 4.

MENDACIO. LINGVA.

MEND.

Haue I not hied me Madam? looke you here, What shall be done with these temptations?

LING.

They say a golden Ball, Bred enmitie betwixt three Goddesses, So shall this Crowne be author of debate, Betwixt fiue Senses.

MEND.

Where shall it be laide?

LING.

There, there, there, 'tis well, so, so, so,

MEND.

A Crown's a pleasing baite to looke vpon, The craftiest Foxe will hardly scape this trap.

LING.

Come lets vs away, and leaue it to the chance.

MEND.

Nay rather let me stand close here-abouts, And see the euent.

LING.

Do so, and if they doubt How it came there, faine them some pritty fable, How that some God—

MEND:

Tut, tut, tut, let me alone, I that haue fained so many hundred Gods, Can easily forge some fable for the turne: Whist Madame, away, away, you fright the Fowle, Tactus comes hard by, looke you.

LING.

Ist he for certaine?

MEND.

Yes, yes, yes, 'tis he.

LING.

'Tis he indeed.

Exit Lingua.

ACT. 1. SCEN. 5.

TACTVS, i•• a darke coloured Sattin mantle ouer a paire of silke Bases, a Garland of Bayes mixt with white and red Roses, vpon a bl••cke Grogaram, a Faulchion, wrought sleeues, Bus∣kins. &c.

MENDACIO. TACTVS.

MEN.

Now chast Diana grant my netts to hold.

TACT.

The blasting Child-hood of the cheerefull morne Is almost growne a youth and ouer-climbes Yonder gilt Easterne hills, about which time, Gustus most earnestly importund me, To meete him here abouts, what cause I know not.

MEN.

You shall do shortly to your cost I hope.

TACT.

Sure by the Sunne it should be nine a clocke.

MEN.

What a star-gazer, will you neere looke downe?

TACT.

Cleere is the Sunne and blewe the Fi••mament, Me thinkes the heauens do smile.

Tactus sneezeth.

—MEN.

At thy nishap. To looke so high and stumble in a trap.

Tactus stumbleth at the Robe and Crowne.

TAC.

High thoughts haue slippry feete, I had well ni•• falne.

MEN.

Well doth he fall that riseth with a fall.

TACT.

Whats this?

MEN.

O are you taken, tis in vaine to striue.

TACT.

How now?

MEN.

Youle be so entangled straight.

TACT.

A Crowne?

MEN.

That it will be heard.

TACT.

And a Robe.

MEN.

To loose your selfe.

TAC.

A Crowne and a Robe.

MEN.

It had beene fitter for you, to haue found a fooles coate and a Bable, hey, hey.

TAC.

Iupiter, Iupiter how came this here?

MEN.

O Sir Iupiter is making Thunder hee heres you not, heres one knowes better.

TACT.

Tis wondrous rich, ha, but sure it is not so, ho, Do I not sleepe and dreame of this good luck, ha. No I am awake and feele it now Whose should it be?

He takes it vp

MEN.

Set vp a Si quis for it.

TACT.

Mercury alls mine owne, heres none to cry halfes mine.

MEN.

When I am gone,

Exit Mendacio.

ACT. 1. SCEN. 6.

TACTVS solus:

TACT.

Tactus thy sneezing somewhat did pottend, VVas euer man so fortunate as I? To breake his shinnes at such a stumbling Block, Roses and Baies packe hence: this Crowne and Robe, My Browes and Bodie circles and inuests. How gallantly it fitts me, sure the slaue, Measurd my head that wrought this Coronet. They lie that say Complections cannot change: My Bloud's 〈◊〉〈◊〉, and I am transform'd, Vnto the sacred temper of a King, Me thinke I here my noble Parasites Stiling me Caesar, or great Alexander, Licking my feete and wondring where I got This pretious oyntment; how my pace is mended, How princely do I speake, how sharpe I threaten: Peasants Ile curbe your head strong impudence: And make you tremble when the Lyon roates, Yea earth-bred wo••mes. O for a looking glasse: Poets will w••ite whole volumes of this scarre, VVhere's my attendants? Come hither Sirra quickly. Or by the wings of Her••es.—

ACT. 1. SCEN. 7.

OLFACTVS, in a Garland of Bayes intermingled with white and red Roses vpon a false hayre, his sleeues wrought with flowers vnder a Damaskt mantle ouer a paire of silke Bases, a paire of Buskins drawne with riband, a flowre in his hand.

TACTVS. OLFACTVS.

TACT.

Ay me Olfactus comes, I cald too soone, Heele haue halfe part I feare what shall I do! Where shall I run? how shall I shift him of!

Tactus wrappes vp the robe and crowne and sits vpon thē.

OLF.

This is the time & this the place appointed, Where Visiu promis'd to conferre with me, I thinke hee's there—No, no, tis Tactus sure. How now? What makes you sit so nicely?

TACT.

Its past immagination, its so indeed.

OEF.

How fast his deeds are fixed and how melancholly he lookes. Tactus, Tactus.

TACT.

For this is true, Mans life is wondrous brittle.

OLF.

He's mad I thinke he talkes so Idely, so ho, Tactus.

TACT.

And many haue beene metamorphosed, To stranger matters and more vncoth fonnes,

OLF.

I must go neerer him he doth not heare.

TACT.

And yet me thinks, I speake as I was wont And—

OLF.

Tactus, Tactus.

TACT.

Olfactus as thou louest come not neere me,

OLF.

Why art thou hatching eggs th'art feard to breake them

TACT.

Touch me not least thou chance to breake my life.

OLF.

Whats this vnder thee?

TACT.

If thou meddle with mee I am vtterly vndone,

OLF.

Why man what ayles thee?

TACT.

Let me alone and Ile tell thee, Lately I came from fine Fantastes house.

OLF

So I be••eeue for thar't very foolish.

TACT.

No sooner had I parted out of doores, But vp I held my hands before my face:

To sheild mine eyes from th' lights percing beames, When I protest I saw the Sunne as cleere, Through these my palmes as through a prospectiue▪ No marueile, for when I beheld my fingers: I sawe my fingers neere transform'd to glasse, Opening my breast, my Breast was like a windowe, Through which I plainely did perceiue my heart: In whose two Concaues I discernd my thoughts, Confus••dly lodged in great multitudes.

OLF.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, why this is excellent, Momus himselfe can find no fault with thee Thou'st make a passing liue▪ Anatom••••. And decide the Question much disputed: Betwixt the Galenists and Aristotle.

TACT.

But when I had ariu'd and set me downe, Viewing my selfe, my selfe ay me was changed. As thou now seest to a perfect vrinall.

OLF.

T' a perfect vrinal, O monstrous monstrous, art not mad to thinke so?

TACT.

I do not thinke so, but I say I am so, Therefore Olfactus come not neere I aduise you:

OLF.

See the strange working of dull mellanchollie. Whose drossy drying the feeble Braine, Corrupts the sense, deludes the Intellect. And in the soules faire table falsly graues, Whole squadrons of phantasticall Chimeras And thousand vaine immaginations: Making some thinke their heads as big as ho••ses, Some that th'ar dead, some that th'ar turnd to Wolues: As now it makes him thinke himselfe all glasse, Tactus diswade thy selfe, thou doest but thinke so.

TACT.

Olfactus if thou louest mee get thee gone, I am an vrinall I dare not stirre. For feare of cracking in the Bottome.

OLF.

Wilt thou sit thus all day?

TACT.

Vnlesse thou helpe me.

OLF.

Bedlam must helpe thee, what wouldst haue me do!

TACT.

Go to the Citty make a Case fit for me.

Stuffe it with wooll, then come againe and fetch.

OLF.

Ha, ha, ha, thou'lt be laught out of case & countenance.

TACT.

I care not, so it must be, or I cannot stirre.

OLF.

I had best leaue troubling him he's obstinate, (Vrinall I leaue you) but aboue all things take heed Iupiter sees you not, for if he doe heele nere make water in a siue: againe thoult serue his turne so sit to carry his water vnto Aesculapius, Fare∣well Vrinall, Farewell.

TACT.

Speake not so lowd, the sounds inough to crack me, What is he gone? I an Vrinall, ha, ha, ha, I protest I might haue had my face washt finely, if he had meant to abuse me: I an Vrinall, ha, ha, ha, go to▪ Vrinall you haue scapt a faire scou••ing, well Ile away, and get me to mine owne house, there Ile lock vp my selfe fast, playing the Chimick, augmenting this one Crowne to troopes of Angels, with which gold-winged mes∣sengers, I meane,

To worke great wonders, as to build and purchase, Fare daintily, tie vp mens tongues, and loose them, Command their liues, their goods, their liberties, And captiue all the world with chaines of gold, Hey, hey, tery linkum tinkum.

He offers to go out, but comes in suddenly amazed.

O Hercules! Fortune the Queene, delights to play with me, Stopping my passage with the sight of Visus, But as he makes hether. Ile make hence, Theres more wayes to the wood then one.

He offers to go out at the other doore, but returnes againe in hast

What more Diuils to affright me? O Diabolo, Gustus comes here to vexe me. So that I poore wretch, am like a Shittle-cock betwixt two Battledores▪ If I runne there, Visus beates me to Scilla, If here, then Gustus blowes me to Carybdi••. Neptune hath sworne my hope shall suffer shipwrack. What shall I say? Mine Vrinal's too thin to bide the fury of such stormcs as these.

ACT. 1. SCEN. 8.

VISVS, in a Garland of Bayes mixt with white and red Roses, a light coloured Taffata mantle striped with siluer, and fringd vpon greene silke Bases, Buskins. &c.

GVSTVS in the same fashion, differing onely in colour. TACTVS, in a corner of the Stage.

VISVS. GVSTVS. TACTVS.

VIS.

Gustus good day.

GVST.

I cannot haue a bad, Meeting so faire an omen as your selfe.

TACT.

Shall I? wilt proue? ha? well 'tis best to venture.

Tactus puts on the robes.

GVST.

Saw you not Tactus, I should speake with him.

TACT.

Perchance so, a sodaine lye hath best luck.

VIS.

That face is his, or else mine eye's deceiu'd, Why how now Tactu••, what so gorgious?

GVST.

Where didst thou get these faire habiliments?

TACT.

Stand back I charge you as you loue your liues, By Stix, the first that toucheth me shall dye.

VIS.

I can discerne no weapons, will he kill vs?

TACT.

Kill you? not I, but come not neere me you had best.

VIS.

Why, art thou mad?

TACT.

Friends as you loue your liues, Venture not once to come within my reach.

GVST.

Why dost threaten so?

TACT.

I do not threaten, but in pure loue aduise you for the best, Dare no to to touch me but hence flie a pace, Adde wings vnto your feete and saue your liues.

VIS.

Why what's the matter Tactus prethe tell me?

TACT.

If you will needs ieopard your liue; so long, As heare the▪ round of my amazednesse, Then for your better safetie stand aside.

GVST.

How full of ceremonies▪ sure he'le coniure, For such like Robes Magitians vse to weare.

VIS.

Ile see the end▪ though he should vnlock Hell:

And set th'infernall hagges at libertie,

TACT.

How rash is man on bidden armes to rush. It was my chance, O chance most miserable, To walke that way that to Crumena leads.

GVST.

You meane Cremona a little Towne hard by.

TACT.

I say Crumena, called Vacua, A Towne which doth, and alwaies hath belongd, Chiefely to Schollers: from Crumena walles, I saw a man came stealing craftily, Apparelled in this vesture which I weare, But seeing me eft-soones, he tooke his heeles, And threw his garment from him all in hast, Which I perceiuing to be richly wrought, Tooke it me vp: But good now get you gone, Warn'd by my harmes, and scape my miserie.

VIS.

I know no dange••, leaue these circumstances.

TAC.

No sooner had I put it on my back, But suddainly mine eyes began to dim, My ioints wa••e sore, and all my body burne With most intestiue torture, and at length, It was too euident, I had caught the plague.

VIS.

The plague, away good Gustus lets be gone, I doubt 'tis true, now I remember me, Crumena Vacua neuer wants the plague.

GVST.

Tactus Ile put my selfe in ieopardy to pleasure thee.

TACT.

No gentle Gustus, your absence is the onely thing I wish, Least I infect you with my companie.

GVST.

Farewell.

Exit Gustus.

VIS.

I willingly would stay to do thee good.

TACT.

A thousand thankes, but since I needs must die, Let it suffice, death onely murthers me, Oh 'twould augment the dolour of my death, To know my selfe the most vnhappy Bowe, Through which pale death should aime his shafts at you.

VIS.

Tactus farewell, yet die with this good hope, Thy corps shall be interred as they ought.

Exit Visus.

TAC.

Go make my Tombe, prouide my funerals, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Excellent Asses thus to be deluded, Bewaile his death and cruell destinies,

That liues, and laughes your fooleries to scorne, But wher's my Crowne, oh here: I well deserue, Thus to be crowned for two great victories▪ ha, ha, ha, Visus take care my corps be well interr'd: Go make my tombe, and write vpon the stone. Here lyes the Sense, that lying guld them all, With a false plague, and fained Vrinall.

ACT. 1. SCENE. 9.

AVDITVS. TACTVS.

AVD.

Tactus, Tactus.

TAC.

O Iupiter, 'tis Auditus all's mard, I doubt the slie knaue heres so farre, but yet Ile grope him: how now Ea••es, what make you here, ha?

AVD.

Nay, what make you here, I pray what were you talk∣ing euen now, of an Asse, & a Crowne, & an Vrinall & a plague?

TAC.

A plague on you what I?

AVD.

Oh, what you.

TAC.

O I had well nigh forgot nothing, but I say—

AVD.

What?

TA.

That if a man (do you marke sir) being sick of the plague (do you see sir) had a a, a, hem, hem, (this cold troubles me, It makes me cough somtimes extreamly,) had a French Crowne, (sir you vnderstand me) lying by him, and (come hither, come hither) & would not bestow 2. pence (do you heare) to buy an v∣rinall (do you marke me) to cary his water to the Phisitiā, (hem)

AVD.

What of all this?

TA.

I say such a one was a very Asse, this was al I vse to speak to my selfe, whē I am alone; but Auditus, when shall wee heare a new set of singing-books, or th'viols, or the cō••ort of Instrumēts.

AV.

This was not al, for I heard mētiō of a tombe, & an epitaph.

TAC.

True, true, I made my selfe mery with this Epitaph, vpon such a fooles tombe thus a, thus, thus, plague brought this man, (foh I haue forgotten) ô thus, plague brought this man (so, so, so) vnto his buriall, because, because, because, (hem, hem) because he would not buy an vrinall, come, come Auditus shall we here thee play, the Lyeroway, or the Lut••-wa•• shall we, or the Cornet, or any Musicke, I am greatly reuiued when I heare.

AVD.

Tactus, Tactus, this will not serue, I heard all, you haue not found a Crowne: you, no, you haue not.

ACT. 1. SCEN. Vltima.

TACTVS. AVDITVS. VISVS. GVSTVS. MENDATIO.

TACT.

Peace, peace, faith peace, come hether, harke thee good nowe.

AVD.

I cannot hold I must needes tell,

TACT.

O do not, do not, do not, come hether, will you bee a foole?

VIS.

Had he not wings vpon his feete and shoulders?

MEN.

Yes, yes and a fine wand in his hand, Curiously wrapped with a paire of snakes.

TACT.

Will halfe content you, pish twil nere be knowne.

GVST.

My life, twas Mercury.

MEND.

I do not knowe his name but this I am sure his hat had wings vp'ont.

VIS.

Doubtles twas he, but say my Boy what did he?

MEND.

First I beheld him houering in the aire, And then downe stouping, with a hundred gires: His feete he fixed on Mount Ch••phal••n, From whence he flew and lighted on that plaine, And with disdainefull steps soone glided thether: Whether ariued, he suddenly vnfoulds A gorgeous Robe, and glittering ornament, And laye them all, vpon that hillocke: This done he wafts his wand, tooke wing againe, And in a moment vanisht out of sight, With that mine eies gan stare, and heart grew cold, And all my quiuering ioynts with sweat bedewd: My heeles my thought had wings as well as his, And so away I runne, but by the way: I met a man as I thought comming thether,

GVST.

What markes had he?

MEND.

He had a great—what this is he, this is he,

VIS.

What Tactus?

GVST.

This was the plauge vext him so, Tactus your Graue gapes, for you are you ready:

VIS.

Since you must needes die, do as others do, Leaue all your goods behind you; bequeath the Crowne and Robe, to your executo••s.

TACT.

No such matter I like the Egiptian Knights, For the more state, wilbe buried in them.

VIS.

Come, come deliuer:

Visus snatcheth the crowne and sees letters grauen in it.

TACT.

What will you take my purse from me?

VIS.

No but a Crowne, thats iust more then your owne. Ha, whats this? tis a very small hand, VVhat Inscription is this? Hee of the fiue that proues himselfe the best, Shall haue his Temples with this Coronet blest. This Crowne is mine, and mine this garment is, For I haue alwaies beene accounted best.

TACT.

Next after mee, I as your selfe at any time: besides I found it first, therefore tis mine.

GVST.

Neither of youres, but mine as much as both,

AVD.

And mine the most of any of you all,

VIS.

Giue me it or els—

TACT.

Ile make you late repent it—

GVST.

Presumptious as you are—

AVD.

Spite of your teeth—

MEND.

Neuer till now a ha it workes a pace, Visus I know tis yours and yet me thinkes: Auditus you should haue some challenge to it, But that your title Tactus is so good: Gustus I would sweare the Coronet were yours, VVhat will you all go braule about a trifle: Viewe but the pleasant coast of Mycrocosme, Ist not great pitty to be rent with warres, Ist not a shame, to staine with brinish teares, The smiling cheekes of euer-cheer••full peace, Ist not farre better to liue quietly: Then broyle in fury of dissention, Giue me the Crowne ye shall not disagree, If I can please you; Ile play Paris part, And most vnpartiall iudge the controuersie:

VIS.

Sauce-box goe meddle with your Ladies fa••ne, and prate not here.

MEND.

I speake not for my selfe, but for my Countries safe commoditie.

VIS.

Sirra be still.

MEND.

Nay and you be so hot the deuill part you, Ile to Olfactus and send him amongst you. O that I were▪ Alecto for your sakes: How liberally wou'd I bestow my snakes.

Exit Mendico.

VIS.

Tactus vpon thine honour, I challenge thee to meete me here, Stronge as thou canst prouide in tha••flernoone.

TACT.

I vnder-take the Challenge, and heres my hand, In signe thou shalt be answered.

GVST.

Tactus Ile ioyne with thee, on this condition, That if we win, he that fought best of vs, Shall haue the Crowne, the other weare the Robe.

TACT.

Giue me your hand I like the motion.

VIS.

Auditus shall we make our forces double, Vpon the same te••mes.

AVD.

Very willingly,

VIS.

Come lets away feare not the victory. Rights more aduantage, then an host of soldiars.

Exeunt omnes.

Finis. Act. primi.

Actus. 2. Scena 1.

APP••TITVS. Along lea••e Raw-bou'd f••••llow in a Souldiers coate, a sword, &c.

MENDACIO. APPETITVS.

MEND.

I long to see those hot-spur senses at it, they say they haue gallant preparations, and not vnlikely, for most of the sol∣diers are ready in Aames since the last feild fought against their yearely enemy Meleager, & his wife Acr••sia; that Conquest hath so flesht them that no peace can hold them. But had not Me∣leager beene sicke, and Acrasia drunke, the senses might haue whistled for the victory.

APP.

Foh, what a stincke of gunpouder is yonder?

MEND.

Whoes this! oh oh tis Appetitus, Gustus his hungry Parasite.

APP.

I cannot indure the smoking of Gunnes, the thunde∣••••ng of drums, I had rather here the merry hacking of pot∣hearbs, and see the reaking of a hot capon. If they would vse no other Bucklers in warre, but sheilds of Brawne, brandish no swords but sweards of Bacon, traile no speares, but spar••ibs of Porke, and insteed of Hargebush peices discharge Hartichock∣pies, tosse no pikes but boyled pickrills, then Appetitus would rouse vp his crest, and beare vp him selfe with the proudest.

MEND.

Ah heres a youth starke naught at a trench, but old dog at a trencher, at tall squire at a square table.

APP.

But now my good masters must pardon mee, I am not for their seruice, for their seruice is without seruice, and indeed their seruice is too hoat for my diet. But what. If I bee not my selfe▪ but only this be my spirit that wanders vp and downe, and Appetitus be kild in the Camp, the Diuill he is as soone, howes that possible? tut tut I know I am, ••, I am 〈…〉〈…〉, and aliue too, by this Infallible token, that I feele my selfe hungry.

MEND.

Thou mightst haue taken a bette•• token of thy selfe, by knowing thou a••t a foole.

APP.

Wel thē though I made my fellow souldiers admire the beauty of my backe & wonder at the nimblenes of my hee'es, yet now wil I at saftie at home, tell in what dangers they are a∣broad, ••le speake nothing but guns, and glau••s, and sta••es, and phalanges, & squadrons, and barracadoe, ambus••adoes, palme∣does blanke point dept, counterpoint, counter sc••ate, ••allies and lies, saladoes, tarantan••aras, ranta, ta••a tara, hey

MEND.

I must take the fife out of his mouth or he'le nere adone.

APP.

But aboue all Ile bee sure on my knees to thanke the great—

〈…〉〈…〉 him.

MEND.

Who am I, who am I, who I?

APP.

By the bloud-staind fauchion of Mauors—I am on your side.

MEND.

Why, who am I?

APP.

Are you a souldier?

MEND.

No.

APP.

Then you are maister Hell•••• the Bear-heard,

MEND.

No, no, he's dead.

APP.

Or Gulono the gutty Seriant, or Delphino the Vinter, or els I know you not, for these are all my acquaintance.

MEN.

Would I were hangd if I be any of these.

APP.

What Mend••cio, by the faith of a Knight thou art welcome, I must borrow thy Whetstone to sharpen the edges of my martiall complements.

MEN.

By the faith of a Knight, what a pox, where are thy Spurres?

APP.

I need no spurres, I ride like Pegasus on a winged horse, on a swift Gennet, my Boy, called feare.

MEN.

What shouldst thou feare in the warres? hee's not a good souldier that hath not a good stomack.

APP.

O, but the stinke of powder spoiles Appetitus stomack, and then thou knowst when 'tis gone, Appetitus is dead, there∣fore I very manfully drew my sword, and flourisht it brauely about mine eares, kist, and finding my selfe hurr, most manfully ranne away.

MEN.

All heart indeed, for thou ran'st like a Hart out of the field, It seemes then the Senses meane to sight it out.

APP.

I and out-fight themselues I thinke, and all about a tri∣fle, a paltrie bable, found I know not where.

MEN.

Thou art deceiued, they fight for more then that, a thing called superioritie, of which the Crowne is but an Embleme.

APP.

Mendacio hang this superioritie, Crowne mee no Crowne but Bacchus Crowne of Roses, giue me no Scepter, but a fat Capons legge, to shew that I am the great King of Hun∣garie, therefore I prethee talke no more of state-matters, but in briefe, tell mee my little rascall, how thou hast spent thy time this many a day?

MEN.

Faith in some credit since thou saw'st me last.

APP

How so, where?

MEN.

Euery where; in the Court your Gentlewomen hang me at their Apron strings, and that makes them answer so rea∣dily. In the Cittie I am honour'd like a God, none so well ac∣quainted with your tradesmen: your Lawyers all the Terme time hire me of my Lady, your Gallants if they heare my name abused, they stab for my sake: your Trauellers so dote vpon me

as passes, O they haue good reason, for I haue carried them to many a good meale, vnder the Countenance of my familiarity: nay your States-men haue oftentimes closely cōueied me vnder their tongues, to make their pollicies more currant, As for old∣men they challenge my Company by authority.

APP.

I am exceeding glad of your great promotion.

MEND.

Nowe when I am disposed I can Philophy it in the Vniuersity, with the subtilest of them all.

APP.

I cannot be perswaded that t' art acquainted with Schollers euer since thou wert prest to death in a Print-house.

MEND.

No, why I was the first founder of the 3. sects of Phy∣losophy except on of the Peripatetticks who accknowledge A∣ristotle (I confesse) their great Grand-father.

APP.

Thou Boy, how is this possible? thou art but a Child and there were sects of Philosophy before thou wert borne.

MEND.

Appetitus, thou mistakest me, I tell thee, 3000 yeares agoe was Mendacio borne in Greece, nurst in Creete and euer since honoured euery where: Ile bee sworne I held old Homers pen when hee write his Illiads, and his Odisses.

APP.

Thou hadst need, for I heare say he was blind.

MEND.

I helped Herodotus to pen some part of his muses, lent Pli••y inke to write his history, rounded Rabalais in the eare when he historified Pantagruell, as for Lucian I was his Genius, O those two Bookes De Vera historia howsoeuer they go vn∣der his name, Ile be sworne I writ them euery title.

APP.

Sure as I am Hungry thou'st haue it for lying. But hast thou rusted this latter time for want of excercise?

MEND.

Nothing lesse▪ I must confesse I would faine haue ••og∣ged Stow and great Hollings-head on their elbowes, when they were about their Chronicles, and as I remember Sir Iohn Man∣deuills trauells, and a great part of the Decads were of my do∣ing. But for the mirror of Knight-hood, Beuis of Southampton, Palmerin of England, Amadis of Gaule, Huon de Burdeaux, Sir Guy of Warwick Martin marprellate, Robin-hood, Garragantua, Gerilion and a thousand such exquisite monuments as these, no doubt but they breath on my breath vp and downe.

APP.

Downewards Ile sweare for the'rs stinking lies in them.

MEN.

But what should I light a Candle to the bright Sunne∣shine

of my glorious renowne, the whole world is full of Men∣dacios fame.

APP.

And so it wilbe so long as the world is full of fame.

MEND.

But Sirra how hast thou done this long time?

APP.

In as much request as thy selfe. To begin with the Court as thou didst, I lie with the Ladies all night, and thats the reason they call for Cullies, and Gruellies, so early before their praie••s, your gallāts neuer sup, break-fast, or Beauer without me.

MEND.

Thats false for I haue seene them eate with a full sto∣macke.

APP.

True, but because they know a little thinge driues mee from them, therefore in midst of meate they present mee with some sharpe sauce or a dish of delicate Anchoues, or a Cauiare, to intice me backe againe, nay more your olde Sirs that hardly go without a propp, will walke a mile or two euery day to re∣new their accquaintance with mee, as for the Academie it is be∣holding to mee, for adding the eight prouince vnto noble Hep∣tarchie of the liberall sciences.

MEND.

Whats that I prethee.

APP.

The most desired and honorable art of Cookerie. Now Sirra in the Citty I am—st, st. O the body of a Louse.

MEND.

What art a louse in the Citty?

APP.

Not a word more for yonder comes Phantastes, and some bodie else.

MEND.

What a pox can Phantastes do?

APP.

Worke a miracle if he would proue wise.

MEN.

Tis he indeede, the vilest nup: yet the foole loues mee exceedinglie but I care not for his company for if he once catch me, I shall neuer be r••d of him.

Exeunt Appe••: and Mend.

ACT, 2. SCEN. 2.

PHANTASTES. Aswart complexion'd fellow but quicke y'd, in a white Satten dublet of one fashion, greene veluet hose of a•• ••∣ther? Aphentasticall hat with a plu••e of fethers of seuerall col∣lours, a little short tasfata cloake, a paire of Buskins cut, drawne out with sundry coloured Ribands, with scarfes hung about him,

after all fashions, and of all collours, ringes, Iewells, a fanne, and in euery place other od complements.

HEVRESIS. A nimble sprighted page in the newest fashion with a garlend of Bayes. &c.

PHANTAST••S. HEVRESIS.

PHAN.

Sirra Boy He••resi••••boy how now byting your nailes?

HEV.

Three things haue trobled my braine this many a day, and iust now, when I was laying hold on the Inuention of thē, your suddaine call, made them like Tantalus apples, flie from my ••ingers.

PH.

Some great matters questionles, what were they?

HEV.

The quadrature of a circle, the Philosophers stone and the next way to the Indies;

PH.

Thou dost well to meditate on these three things at once for th••ile bee found out altogither, ad gra••cas calendas, but let them passe and cary the conceite, I told you this morning to the partie you wot of. In my immagination tis Capritious, t'will take I warrant thee.

HEV.

I will Sir▪ But what say you to the gentleman that was with you yesterday?

PH.

O I thinke thou meanest him that made 19. sonnets of his mistris Busk-point;

HEV.

The same, the same, Sir. You promis'd to helpe him out with th' twentith.

PHA.

By Iupiters clouen pate tis true. But wee witty fellowes are so forgetfull, but stay, hu, hu, cary him this.

The gordian knot which Alexander great, Did whilom cut with his all conquering sword: Was nothing like thy Busk-point pretty Peate, Nor could so faire an a••gury afford.

Then to conclude let him peruert Catullus his zonam soluit diu ligatam thus, thus.

Which if I cha••nce to cut or els vntie, Thy little world Ile conquer presently. Tis pretty, pretty, tell him twas extemporall,

HEV.

Well Sir, but now for Maister Inameratos loue-letter.

PH.

Some netling stuffe yfaith; let him write thus▪

Most heart commanding fac't Gentlewoman, ••uen as the stone in India called Basaliscus, hurts all that lookes on it: and as the Serpent in Arabia called Smaragdu•• delighteth the sight, so does thy celestiall orbe assimilating eyes, both please, and in pleasing wound my loue-darted heart.

HEV.

But what trick shall I inuent for the conclusion?

PHA.

Pish any thing Loue will minister Inke for the rest, He that once begun well, hath halfe done, let him begin againe and there's all.

HEV.

Maister Gullio spoke for a new fashion, what for him?

PHA.

A fashion for his sute—let him button it downe the sleeue with foure elbowes, and so make it the pure heiroglyphick of a foole.

HEV.

Nay then let me request one thing of you.

PHA.

What's that Boy? by this faire hand thou shalt haue i••.

HEV.

Mistrisse Superbia a Gentlewoman of my acqua••ntance wisht me to deuise her a new set for her Ruffe, and an odde tire, I pray sir helpe me out with it.

PHA.

Ah Boy in my conceit it's a heard matter to performe, these women haue well nigh tired me, with deuising tires for them, and ferme at an non plus for new sets, their heads are so light, & their eyes so coye, that I know not how to please them.

HEV.

I pray Sir, she hath a bad face, and faine would haue sutors, Phantastical and odde apparrell, would perchance draw some body to looke on her.

PHA.

If her face be nought, in my opinion, the more view it, the worse, bid her weare the mu••titude of her deformities vnder a maske, till my leasure will serue to deuise some durable, and vnstained blush of painting.

HEV.

Very good Sir.

PHA.

Away then, hye thee againe, meete me at the Court within this houre at the farthest.

Exit Heuresis.

Oh heauens, how haue I beene troubled these latter times with Women, Fooles, Babes, Taylers, Poets, Swaggerers, Guls, Ballad∣makers, they haue almost disrobed me of all the toyes and tri∣fles I can deuise, were it not that I pitty the poore multitude of Printers, these Sonnet-mungers should starue for conceits, for all Phantastes. But these puling Louers, I cannot but laugh at

them and their Encomions of their Mistresses. They make for∣sooth her hayre of Gold, her eyes of Diamond, her cheekes of Roses, her lippes of Rubies, her teeth of Pearle, and her whole body of Iuory: and when they haue thus Idold' her like Pig∣malion, they f••ll downe and worship her. Psyche, thou hast laid a hard taske vpon my shoulders, to inuent at ••uery ones aske, were it not that I refresh my dulnesse once a day with my most Angelicall presence, 'twere vnpossible for me to vndergo it.

ACTVS. 2. SCENA. 3.

COMMVNIS SENSVS, a graue man in a Black veluet cassocke like a Councellor, speakes comming out of the dore.

COMMVNIS SENSVS. PHANTASTES.

COM. S.

I cannot stay, I tell you 'tis more then time I were at Court, I know my soueraine Psyche hath expected me this houre

PHA.

In good time, yonder comes Common-sense, I imagine it should be he by his voice.

COM. S.

Craue my counsell, tell me what maner of man he is? can he entertaine a man into his house, can he hold his Veluet Cap in one hand, and vale his bonnet with the other? knowes he how to become a Scarlet gowne, hath he a paire of fresh posts at his doore?

PHA.

Hee's about some hasty State-matters, he talkes of posts me thinkes.

COM. S.

Can hee part a couple of Dogges brawling in the streete? why then choose him Mayor••vpon my credit, heele proue a wise officer.

PHA.

Saue you my Lord, I haue attended your leisure this houre.

COM S.

Fye vpon't what a toile haue I had to choose them a Mayor yonder? there's a fustie Currier will haue this man: the••e's a Chandlor wipes his nose on his sleeue, and sweares it shall not bee so. There's a Musterd-maker lookes as keene as Viniger will haue another: O this many headed multitude, it's a hard matter to please them.

PHA.

Especially where the multitude is so well headed. But I pray you where's Maister Memory? hath hee forgotten him∣selfe that he is not here.

COM. SEN.

'Tis high time he were at Court, I would he would come.

ACT. 2. SCEN. 4.

MEMORY, an old decrepit man, in a black Veluet Cassock, a Ta••∣fata Gowne furred, with white Grogaram, a white beard, Veluet slippers, a Watch, Staffe, &c.

ANAMNESTES his Page, in a graue Sattin sute Purple, Buskins, a Garland of Bayes and Rosemary, a gimmall ring with one linke hanging, Ribbands and Threds tyed to some of his fingers, in his hand a paire of Table-bookes, &c▪

MEMORIE. ANAMNESTES. PHANTASTES. SENS. COM.

MEM.

How soone a wise man shall haue his wish.

COM. SE.

Memory the season of your comming is very ripe.

PH.

Had you staid a little longer 'twould haue bin starke rottē.

MEM.

I am glad I sau'd it from the Swine—Spretious I haue forgot something. O my purse, my purse, why Anamnestes? Remembrance where art thou Anamnestes Remembrance, that vild Boy is alwayes gadding, I remember he was at my heeles, eue•• now and now the vild Rascall is vanisht.

PHA

Is he not here? why then in my imagination hee's left behind, ô la▪ Anamnestes remembrance.

AN.

(running in hast.)

Anon, anon, sir anon, anon sir, anon, anon sir, anon, anon, sir.

MEM.

Ha sirra, what a brawling's here?

AN.

I do but giue you an answer with anon Sir.

MEM.

You answer sweetly, I haue cald you three or foure times one after another.

AN.

Sir, I hope I answered you 3. or 4. times, one in the neck of another. But if your good worship haue lent me any more calls, tell me, and Ile repay them as I am a Gentleman.

MEM.

Leaue your tattle▪ had you come at first I had not spent so much breath in vaine.

AN.

The truth is Sir, the first time you called, I heard you not, the second I vnderstood you not, the third I knew not whether it were you or no: the fourth I could not tell where you were, and that's the reason I answered so suddenly.

MEM.

G••e sirra, runne, seeke euery where, I haue lost my purse some where.

AN.

I go sir; Go sirra, seeke, runne, I haue lost, bring, here's a Dogges life with a poxe, shall I bee alwayes vsde like a water-Spanniell.

Exit Anam:

COM.

Come good Maister Register, I wonder you be so late now-adayes.

MEM.

My good Lord, I remember that I knew your Grand-father in this your place, and I remember your Grand-fathers great Grand-fathers, Grand-fathers Fathers, Father, yet in those dayes I neuer remember that any of them could say, that Regi∣ster Memory euer broke one minute of his appointment.

COM. S.

Why good Father, why are you so late now a dayes?

MEM.

Thus 'tis, the most customers I remember my selfe to haue, are (as your Lordship knowes) Schollers, and now a daies the most of them are become Critticks, bringing me home such paltry things to lay vp for them, that I can hardly finde them againe.

PH.

Iupiter, Iupiter, I had thought these Flyes had bit none but my selfe, do Critticks tickle you yfaith?

MEM.

Very familiarly: for they must know of me forsooth how euery idle word is written in all the mustie moath-eaten Manusripts, kept in all the old Libraties in euery Cittie be∣twixt England and Peru.

COM. SEN.

Indeed I haue noted these times to affect Anti∣quities, more then is requisite.

MEM.

I remember in the age of Assaracus and Ninus, and about the warres of Thebes, and the siege of Troy, the••e was few things committed to my charge, but those that were well wor∣thy the preseruing, but now euery trifle must be wrapped vp in the volume of eternitie. A rich pudding-wife, or a Cobler cānot die but I must immortalize his name with an ••pitaph: A dog cannot pisse in a Noblemans shee, but it must be sp••inkled into the Chronicles, so that I 〈◊〉〈◊〉 could remēber my Treasure more full, & neuer emptier of honorable, and true heroycall actions.

PH.

By your leaue Memory you are not alone troubled, Chronologers many of them are so so Phantasticke, as when they bring a Captaine to the Combate, lifting vp his reuengefull arme to dispart the head of his enemie, they'le hold vp his armes so long till they haue bestowed three or foure pages in describing the gold hilts of his threating Fauchion. So that in my Fancie the reader may well wonder his aduersary stabs him not, before he strikes, moreouer they are become most palpable flatterers alwaies begging at my gates for Inuention.

COM.

This is a great fault in a Chronologer to turne Pa∣rasite: An absolute history should bee in feare of none, neither should hee write any thing more then truth for friend-ship, or lesse for hate, but keepe himselfe equall and constant in all his discourses, but for vs we must bee contented, for as our honors increase, so must the burthen of the cares of our offices vrge vs to waxeheauy.

PH.

But not till our backes breake, ••lud there was neuer any so haunted as I am, this da••e there comes a Sophister to my house, knocks at my dore, his errand being ask'd, forsoth his an∣swere was to borrow a faire sute of conceites out of my war∣drop, to apparraile a shewe he had in hand, and what thinke you is the plot?

COM.

Nay I know not, for I am little acquainted with such toies.

PH.

Meane-while he's somewhat acquainted with you, for he's bould to bring your person vpon the stage.

COM.

What me? I cannot remember, that I was euer brought vpon the stage before.

PH.

Yes you and you, and my selfe with all my Phantisticall tricks and humors▪ but I trow I haue fitted him with Fooleries I trust heele neuer troble me againe.

COM.

O times, O manners, when Boies dare to traduce men in authority was euer such an attempt heard?

MEM.

I remember there was▪ For (to say the truth) at my ••ast being at others (It is now, let me see, about 1800. yeares a goe) I was at a Commedie of Aristophanes making, (I shall ne∣uer forget it) The Arch-gouernor of Athens tooke me by the hād

and placed me, and there I say, I saw Socrates abused most gros∣ly, himselfe being then a present spectator: I remember he sate full against me, and did not so much as shew the least counte∣nance of discontent.

COM.

In those dayes it was lawfull, but now the abuse of such liberty is vnsuf••erable.

PH.

Thinke what you will of it, I thinke 'tis done, and I thinke it is acting by this time; ha••ke ha••ke, what drummings yonder, Ile laye my life they are com•• to present the shewe I spake off.

COM.

It may be so; stay weele see what 'tis.

ACT. 2. SCENA. 5.

LINGVA. MENDACIO. COM. SEN. and the rest.

LING.

Faine thy selfe in great hast.

MEN.

I warrant you Madam: I doubt 'tis in vaine to runne, by this they are all past ouer-taking.

COM. SEN.

Is not this Lingua that is in such hast?

PH.

Yes, yes stand still.

MEN.

I must speake with him.

COM. SEN.

With whom?

MEN.

Assu••e your selfe they are all at Court ere this.

LING.

Runne after them, for vnlesse he know it—

COM. SEN.

Lingua.

LING.

O ist your Lordship: I beseech you pardon me hast, and feare, I protest put out mine eyes: I lookt so long for you, that I knew not when I had found you.

PHA.

In my conceit, that••s like the man that inquired, who saw his Asse, when himse••fe ridde on him.

LING.

O my heart beates so, fie, fie, fie, fie,

MEN.

I am so weary▪ fo, fo, fo, fo.

COM. SEN.

I prethee Lingua make an end.

LING.

Let mee begin fi••st I beseech you, but if you will needs haue the end first, thus 'tis. The common-wealth of M••∣crosme at this instant, suffers the pangs of death, 'tis gasping for breath. Will you haue all? 'tis poisne••.

PH.

What Pothecary durst be so bold as make such a con∣fection: ha what poison ist?

LING.

A golden Crowne.

MEM.

I mistake, or els Galen in his booke De sanitate tuenda, commends gold as restoratiue.

COM. SEN.

Lingua expresse your selfe.

MEN.

Madam if you want breath, let me helpe you out.

LING.

I prethee do, do.

MEN.

My Lord, the report is, that Mercurie comming late into this country, in this very place, left a Coronet with this in∣scription, that the best of the fiue should haue it, which the Sen∣ses thinking to belong vnto them—

LING.

Challenge each other, and are now in armes, and 'tlike your Lordship.

COM. SEN.

I protest it likes not me.

LING.

Their battailes are not farre hence ready rang'd.

COM. SEN.

O monstrous presumption? what shall we do?

MEM.

My Lord, in your great Grand-fathers time, there was I remember such a breach amongst them, therefore my Counsell is, that after his example by the strength of your au∣thoritie you conuent them before you.

COM.

Lingua go presently, command the Senses vpon their alleageance to our dread Soueraigne Queene Psyche, to dismisse their companies, and personally to appeare before me without any pretence of excuse.

LING.

I go my Lord.

PH.

But here you Madam, I pray you let your Pages tongue walke with vs a little, till you returne againe.

LING.

With all my heart.

Exit Lingua.

ACT. 2. SCENE. 6.

PH.

Hot youths I protest, saw you those warlike preparations?

MEN.

Lately my Lords, I spide into the Armie, But oh, 'tis farre beyond my reach of wit. Or strength of vtterance to describe their forces.

COM. SEN.

Go to, speake what thou canst.

MEND.

Vpon the right hand of a spatious Hill, Proud Visus marshalleth a puissant army,

Three thousand Egles strong, whose valiant Captaine, Is Ioues swift Thunder-bearer, that same Bird, That hoist vp Ganimede from the Troyan plaines: The vant-gard strengthned with a wondrous flight. Of Falcons, Haggards, Hobbies, Terselets, Lanards and Goshaukes, Sparhaukes, and Rauenous Birds. The rereward graunted to Auditus charge. Is stoutly follow'd with an impetuous heard Of stif-neckt Buls, and many home-mad stagges, Of the best head the Forrest can afford.

PH.

I promise you a fearfull troupe of Souldiers.

MEN.

Right opposite stands, Tactus strongly mand, With three thousand brisled Vrchens fo his Pikemen; Foure hundreth Tortesses for Elephants. Besides a monstrous troupe of vglie spiders, Within an ambushment he hath commanded, Of their owne gutts to spinne a cordage fine, Whereof t'haue fram'd a net (O wondrous worke) That fastned by the Concaue of the Moone, Spreds downe it selfe toth'earths circumference.

MEN.

Tis very strange, I can not remember the like Engine at any time.

MEN.

Nay more my Lord, the maskes are made so strong, That I my selfe vpon them scal••d the heauens, And bouldly walkt about the middle region, Where in the prouince of the Meteors, I saw the clowdie shops of Haile and Raine, Garners of Snow, and Christals full of dew, Riuers of burning Arrowes, Dens of Dragons, Huge beames of flames, and Speares like fire-brands, Where I beheld hotte Mars and Mercurie, With Rackets made of Spheares, and Balls of Starres, Playing at Tennis for a Tunne of Nectar. And that vast gaping of the Firmament, Vnder the Southerne pole is nothing else, But the great hazzard of their Tennis Court, The Zodiack is the line. The shooting Starres, Which in an eye-bright euening seem'd to fall, Are nothing but the Balls they loose at Bandy,

Thus hauing tooke my pleasure with those sights, By the same net I went vp, I discended.

COM. SEN.

Well S••rra to what purpose tends this Strata∣ge••e?

MEND.

None know directly, but I thinke it is, T'intrappe the Eagles, when the Battailes ioyne.

PH.

Who ••akes Tactus his parte?

MEND.

Vnder the standard of thrice hardy Tactus, Thrice valiant Gust••s, leades his warlike forces, An-endles multitude of desperate Apes, Fiue hundred Marmose••ts and long-ta•••••• Monkees: All trained to the field, and nimble Gunners.

PH

Ima••gine theres old mouing amongst them: me thinks a handfull of nuttes would turne them all out of their Souldiers coates.

MEN.

Ramparts of Pastie-crust and fortes of pies, Entrench'd wi••h dishes full of Custard stuffe: Hath Gustus made; and planted ordinance, Strange ordinance: Cannons of hollowe canes: Whose pouder's Rape-seed, charged with Turnip shot.

MEM.

I Remember in the Country of Vtopia, they vse no o∣ther kind of Artille••y.

COM. SEN.

But whats become of O••factus?

MEND.

He pollitickly leane•• to neither part, But stands betwixt the camps as at receite: Hauing great wine his Pioners to entrench them.

PH.

In my foolish immagination Olfactus is very like the God∣desse of victory that neuer takes any part but the Conquerers.

MEND.

And in the woods he placed secretly. Two hundred couple of hounds and hungry Mastiffs: And ore his head houer at his commaunde, A cloud of Vul••u••es▪ which or'e spred the light, Making a night before the day be done: But to what end not knowne but feard of all.

PH.

I coniecture hee intends to see ••he•• ••ight and after the ba••taile to feede his Dogges, Hoggs and Vultures vpon the murdred ••••••cases.

MEN.

My L. I thinke the furie of their Anger will not bee o∣bedient to the Message of Li••gua, for otherwise in my conceite

the•• should haue beene here er this: with your L. good li∣king wee'le attend vpon you to see the field for more certainty. It shalbe so; Come Maister Register lets walke.

Exeunt omnes.

Finis. Act. secundi.

Act. 3. Scena. 1.

ANAMNESTES. With a purse in his hand.

ANA.

Forsooth Obliuio shut the dore vpon me I could come no sooner, ha? is he not here? O excellent. Would I were hangd but I lookt for a sound rappe on the pate and that made me be∣fore hand to lift vp this excuse for a Buckler, I know hee's not at court, for here is his purse without which warrant theres no c••••ming thither, wherefore now Anamnestes sport thy selfe a little, while thou art out of the prison of his company. What shall I do? by my troth anatomize his purse in his absence. Plutus send there be Iewells in it, that I may finely geld it of the stones—The best sure lies in the bottome—poxt o••t heres nothing but a company of worme eat••n papers; whats this? Memorandum that Maister Prodigo owes mee foure thousand pounds and that his lands are in pawne for it: Memorandum that I owe; that hee owes? tis well the olde slaue hath some care of his credit, to whom owes he trow I? that I owe Anamnestes? What me? I ne∣uer lent him any thinke; ha this is good, thers som-thing com∣ming to me, more then I look'd for. Come on, what ist, Memo∣randum that I owe Anamnestes—a breeching; I faith Sir I will ease you of that paiment (He rendes the bill) Memoran∣dum that when I was a childe Robusto tript vp my heeles at foot-bale: what a Reuengfull dizard's this?

ACT. 3. SCEN. 2.

MENDACIO. With Cushions vnder his armes, tripps vp Anam∣nestes heeles.

MENDACI••. ANAMNESTES. ANA. How now?

MEND.

No-thing but lay you vpon the Cushion Sir, how so?

ANA.

Nothing but lay the Cushion vpon you Sir?

MEND.

What my litt••e N••m? by this foote I am sory I mis∣tooke thee.

AN.

What my little Men? by this hand it grieues me I tooke thee so right, But Sirra whither with these Cushions?

MEN.

To lay them here that the Iudges may sit softly least my Ladie L••ngua's cause go hard with her.

AN.

They should haue beene wrought with gold; these will do nothing; But what makes thy Ladie with the Iudges?

MEN.

Pish, know'st not? shee sueth for the title of a Sense, as well as the rest that beate the name of the Pentarchy.

AN.

Will Common sense and my Maister, leaue their affaires to detennine that Controuersie?

MEN.

Then thou hearst nothing,

AN.

What should I heare!

MEN.

All the senses fell out about a Crowne falne frō hea∣uen and pitcht a feild for it, but Vicegerent Common sense hea∣ring of it tooke vpon him, to vmpire the contention, in which re∣gard he hath appointed them (their armes dismissed) to appeare before him, charging euery on to bring as it were in a shew, their proper obiects, that by them he may determine of their seuerall excellencies.

AN.

When is all this?

MEN.

As soone as they can possibly prouide.

AN.

But can he tell which diserues best by their obiects?

MEN.

No not only; for euery sense must discribe his Instrumēt, that is his house, where he performes his daylie duty, so that by the Obiect and the Instrument, my Lord can with great ••ase dis∣cerne their place and dignities.

AN.

His Lord-ships very wise.

MEN.

I hou shalt heare all anon, fine maister Phantastes, and thy master wil be here shortly. But how ist my little Rogue? me thinkes thou look'st leane vpon't?

AN.

Alas how should I do otherwise that lie all night with such a Rawbo••d Skelton as Memory and runne all day on his Ertands▪ The Chur••e's growne so old and forgetfull, that euery houre he's calling Anamnestes, remembrance, where art Anam∣nestes? Then presently some thing's lost, poore I must run for it,

and these words, runne Boy. Come Sirra quick, quick, quick, are as familiar with him as the Cough, neuer out ons mouth.

MEN.

Alack▪ alack poore Rogue, I see my fortunes are better. My Ladie loues me exceedingly; she's alwaies kissing mee, so that (I tell thee Nam) Mendacios neuer from betwixt her lippes.

AN.

Nor out of Memories mouth; but in a worse sort, al∣waies excercising my stumps and which is more, when hee fa∣uoures best then I am in the worst taking.

MEN.

How so.

AN.

Thus when wee are friends, then must I come and bee dandled vpon his palsie-quaking knees, and he'le tell me a long story of his acquaintance with King Priamus and his familiarity with Nester and how he plaid at blowe-point with Iupiter when he was in his side-coates and how he went to looke Birds-nests with Athotis, and where hee was at Deucal••ons sloud & 20. such old wiues tales.

MEN.

I wonder he being so old can talke so much.

AN.

Nature thou know'st, (knowing what an vn••uly Engine the tongue is) hath set teeth round about for watchmen, Now Sir, my Maister's old age hath cought our all his teeth & that's the cause it runs so much at liberty

MEN.

Philosopicall;

AN.

O but ther's one-thing stings me to the very heart, to see an vglie foule idle, fat, dusty clog-head, called Obliuio preserred before, me dost know him?

MEN.

Who I, I; But care not for his acquaintāce, hang himblock∣head I could neuer abide him? Thou Remembrance art the only friend that the armes of my friendship shall embrace. Thou hast heard Oportet mendacem esse memorem. But what of Obliu••o.

AN.

The very naming of him hath made me forget my selfe. O, O, O, O, that Rascall is so made-of euery where.

MEN.

Who Obliuio?

AN.

I, for our Courtiers hug him cōtinually in their vngrate-ful bosomes, & your smoth-belly fat backe, barrel-pauncht, tū-gut∣ted drones are euer without him, as for Memory he's a false hear∣ted fellow, he alwaies deceiues th••̄, they respect not him, except it be to play a game at Chests, Primero, Saunt, Maw, or such like.

MEN.

I cannot thinke such fellowes haue to do with Obliuio since they neuer got any thing to forget.

AN.

Againe, there prodig all swagerers that are so much boūd to

their Creditors, if they haue but one Crosse about them, they'le spend it in Wine vpon Obliui••.

MEN.

To what purpose I prethee?

AN.

Onely in hope heele wash them in the Lethe of their cares.

MEN.

Why then no man cares forthee.

ANA.

Yes a company of studious Paper-wormes and leane Schollers, and niggardly scraping Vsurers, & a troupe of heart∣eating enuious persons, and those cancker-stomackt spitefull creatures, that furnish vp common place-bookes with other mens faults••▪ The time hath beene in those golden dayes, when Saturne reigned, that if a man receiu'd a benefit of another, I was presently sent for to put him in minde of it, but now in these Iron after-noones, saue your friends life, and Obliuio Will be more familiar with him then you.

ACTVS. 3. SCENA. 3.

HEVRESIS. MEND: ANAMNESTES.

HEVR.

Phantastes not at Court? ist possible 'tis the strangest accident that euer was heard oft, I had thought the Ladies and Gallants would neuer lye without him.

AN.

Hist, hist, Mendaicio I prethee obserue Heuresis, it seemes he cannot finde his Maister, that's able to finde out all things; and art thou now at a fault, canst not finde out thine owne mai∣ster? nor? Ile trie one more way. O yes.

MEN.

What a Proclamation for him?

ANA.

I, I, his nimble head is alwayes full of proclamations▪

HEV.

O yes.

MEN.

But doth he crie him in the wood?

ANAM.

O good sir, and good reason, for euery beast hath Phantasie at his pleasure.

HEV.

O yes•• if any man can tell any tidings, of a spruce, neate, apish, nimle, finbe, foolish, absurd, humerous, conceited, Phantastique Gallant, with hollow eyes, sharpe looke, swart complexion, ••e••ger face, wearing as many toyes in his appar∣rell, as fooleries in his lookes and gesture, let him come ••orth & certifie me thereof, and shall haue for his reward.—

ANAM.

I can tell you where he is, what shall he haue?

HEVR.

A box o'the eare sura, (snappe)

ANAM.

How now Inuention, are you so quick fingred? i∣faith, ther's your principall sirra, (snappe) and here's the interest ready in my hand (snappe)

[They fail together by the cares.]

Yea? haue you found out scratching? now I remember me.

HEVR.

Do you bite you Rascall?

MERD.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, here's the liuely picture of this axi∣ome, A quick Inuention and a good Memory can neuer agree. Fie fie, fie Heuresis, beate him when hee's downe?

ANAM.

Prethee lets alone proud Iack-an-Apes, Ile—

HEVR.

What will you do?

ANAM.

Vntrusse thy points, and whip thee, thou paltry—

Let me go Mendacio if thou lou'st me, shall I put vp the—

MEN.

Come, come, come you shall fight no more in good faith: Heuresis, your Maister will catch you anon.

HEVR.

My Maister, where is he?

MEN.

Ile bring you to him, come away.

HEVR.

Anamnestes, I scorne that thou shouldst thinke I go away for feare of any thing thou canst do vnto me; here's my hand assoone as thou canst pick the least occasion, put vp thy fin∣ger I am for thee.

Exit Mendacio and Heuresis.

AN.

When thou dar'st Heuresis, when thou dar'st, Ile be as ready as thy selfe at any time.

This Heuresis, this Inuention, is the proudest Iack-a-napes, the peartest selfe conceited Boy that eue•• breath'd, because forsooth some odde Poet, or some such Phantastique fellowes, make much on him, there's no ho with him, the vile dandi-pra••te will ore-looke the proudest of his acquaintance: but well I remem∣ber me, I learnt a trick t'other day, to bring a Boy ore the thigh finely, if he come, ifaith Ile tickle him with it.

Mendacio comes running back in great hast.

MEN.

As I am a Rascall Nam, they are all comming, I see Maister Register trudging hether, as fast as his three fee••e will carry vp his foure Ages.

Exit Mendacio.

ACTVS. 3. SCENA. 4.

MEMORIA. ANAMNESTES.

MEM.

Ah you le••den heeld Rascall.

ANA.

He••e 'tis Sir, I haue it, I haue it,

MEM.

Is this all the hast you make.

AN.

A••••t like your worship your Clog-head Obliuio went before me, and foil'd the traile of your foote-steps, that I could hardly vndertake the quest of your purse forsooth.

MEM.

You might haue bee••e here long ere this: Come hither sirra, come ••ither, what must you go round about, goodly, goodly, you are so full of circumstances.

AN.

In t••uth Sir, I was here before, and missing you, went back into the Citty, sought you in euery Ale-house, Inne, Ta∣ue••ne, Dicing-house, Tennis-court, Stewes, and such like places, likely to find your worship in.

MEM.

Havillaine, am I a man likely to be found in such pla∣ces, ha?

ANA.

No, no sir, sir but I was told by my Lady Lingua's page that your Worship was seeking me, therefore I inquired for you in those places where I knew you would aske for me, and it please your worship.

MEM.

I remember an other quarrell sirra, but well, well, I haue no leisure.

ACT. 3. SCENA. 5.

COM. SENS. LINGVA. PHANTASTES. MEMORY. ANAMNESTES.

COM. S.

Lin••ua, the Senses by our appointment anon are to present their obiects before vs; seeing therefore they be not in readinesse, we lice••se you in the meane while, either in your owne person, or by your Aduocate, to speake what you can for your selfe.

LIN.

My Lord if I should bring before your honour all my

friends ready to importune you in my behalfe, I should haue so many Retoricians, Logitians, Lawyers and which is more, so many Women to attend mee, that this Groa••e would hard∣ly conteine the Company, whe••e••o••e to auoide the tedious∣nesse I willay the whole cause vppon the tippe of mine owne tongue.

COM. SEN.

Be as briefe as the necessity of our short time requires.

LING.

My Lord, though the Imb••••ill tas of my fe••ble sexe, might! d••awe mee backe, ••rom t••is T••••bunall, with the habenis to wit Timorss and the Catenis Pudori••, notwithstand∣ing beeing so fairely led on with the gratious 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 of your iustissimae. 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 Especially so aspremente spurd' con gli sproni di necess••••a mia pungente, I will without the helpe of Orators, commit the tot••m sal••tem of my action to the Volutabilitati 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉, which (aucc vos••r•• bonn•• playscur) I will fi∣nish with more then Laconic•• bre••itate.

CO. SE.

Whats this? here's a Gallemaufry of speech indeed.

MEM.

I remember about the yeare 1602. many vsed this skew kind of language. Which in my opinion is not much vn∣like the man Pla••••ny the Sonne of Lagus, King of Aegypt, brought for a spectacle hal••e white halfe blacke.

COM. SEN.

I am perswaded these same language makers haue the very quality o•• colde in their wi••, that freezeth all He∣terog••n••••ll languages together, congealing English Tynne, Graecian Gold, Romaine Latine all in a l••mpe.

PHA.

Or rather in my imagination like your Fantasticall Gulls Apparell, wearing a Spanish Felt, a French Doblet, a Granado Stocking, a Dutch Slop, an Italian Cloake, with a Welch frise Ierkin.

COM. SEN.

Well, leaue your toying, we cannot pluck the least fether from the soft wing of time. Therfore Lingua go on but in a more formall manner, you know an ingenio••s Oratiō must neyther swell abou•• the Bankes with insolent words, nor cre••pe too shallow in the ford, with vulger termes, but run e∣qually, smooth, & cheerefull, through the cleane current of a pure stile.

L••••.

My Lord, this one thing is sufficient to confirme my

worth to be equ••ll o•• better then the seases, whose best opera∣tions are nothing till I polish them with perfection; for their knowledge is only of things present, quickly subluned with the deft file of time; whereas the tongue is able to recount thinges past, and often pronounce things to come by this meanes re-e∣difying such Excellencies, as Time and Age doe easily depopu∣late.

COM. SEN.

But what profitable seruice, do you vndertake for our d••ead Q••••ene Psych••?

LING.

O how I am rauisht to thinke how infinitely she hath grace•• mee with her most acceptable seruice. But aboue all (which you Maister Register may well remember) when her highnesse taking my m••uch for her instrument, with the Bowe of my tongue st••ooke so heauenly a touch vpon my teeth, that shee cha••med ••he very Tigers a sleepe, the lystning Beares and Lions, to couch at her fee••••, while the Hills leaped, and the woodes d••••nced, to the sweete harmony of her most Ange∣licall accents.

MEM.

I remember it very well, Orpheus plaied vpon the Harpe, while she sange about some foure yea••es after the Co••∣tention betwixt Apollo and P••••, and a little before the excori∣ation of M••••syas.

AN.

By the same token the Riuer Alpheus, at that time pur∣suing his beloued. 〈◊〉〈◊〉, dischanel'd himselfe of his former course to bee partaker of their admirable consort, and the musicke beeing ended, thrust himselfe h••ad-long into earth, the next way to followe his amarous Chase; if you goe to A••cadi•• you shall see his comming vp againe.

COM. SEN.

Forward Li••gua with your reason.

LING.

How oft hath her Excellencie imployed mee as Im∣bassador in her most vrgent aff••ire•• to forreigne Kings and Emperours I may say to the Godds themselues. How many bloudlesse Battailes haue my perswasions attained, when the senses forces haue beene 〈◊〉〈◊〉. Howe many Rebells haue I reclaymed when her s••cred authority, was little regar∣ded (her Lawes without exprobation be it spoken) had beene al∣togither vnpubli••hed, her will vnperformed, her illustrio••s deedes vnrenoumed had not the siluer sound of my trumpet

••illed the whole circuit of the Vniuerse with her deserued fame. Her Citties would dissolue, tra••••ique would decay friend∣shippes be broken, were not my speech the knot▪ Mercury, and M••••tique, to binde, defende, and glewe them togither. What should I say more; I can neuer speake inough of the vnspeake∣able praise of speech, wherein I can find no other impe••fection at all, but that the most exquisite power & excellency of speech cannot sufficiently expresse the exquisite power, and excellency of speaking.

COM. SEN.

Lingua your seruice and dignitie we confesse to be great, nertheles these reasons prooue you not to haue the na∣ture of a sense.

LING.

By your L. ships fauor I can soone prooue that a sense is a facultie, by which our Queene sitting in her priuy Cham∣ber hath intelligence of exterior occurrents. That I am of this nature, I proue thus. The obiect which I challenge is—

Enter Appetitus in hast.

APP.

Stay, stay my Lo. defer I beseech, defer the Iudgement.

COM. SEN.

Who's this that boldly interrupts vs this, hum.

APP.

My name is Appetitus, Common seruant to the Pen∣tarchy of the senses, who vnderstanding that your Honour was handling this Action of Lin••uae•• sent mee hether thus hastely, most humbly requesting the Bench to cons••der these A ticles they alleage against her before you proc••ede to iudgement.

COM. SEN.

Hum, here's good stuffe, Maister Register reade thē Appetitus you may depart and bid your Mistrisse make conue∣nient speede

APP.

At your Lordships pleasure.

Exit A 〈◊〉〈◊〉. 3

MEM.

I Remember that I forgot my spectacles, I left them in the 349. page of H••lls Chronicles, where hee tells a great wonder of a multitude of Mise which had almost destroyed the Country, but that there resorted a great mightie slight of Owles, that distroyed them, ••n••mn••stes ••eade these: ••••ticles dis∣tinctly.

1. Ar.

AN Inprimis wee accuse Lingu•• of high t••eason, and 〈◊〉〈◊〉, against the most honorable Com••on-••e lth of let∣te••s, fo•• vn••ler prete••ce of pro••iting the people with trans∣lations, shee hath most vilye prostituted the ha••d misteries

of vnknowne Languages to the prophane eares of the vul∣ga••.

PHAN.

This is as much as to make a new hell in the vpper world, for in Hell they say Alexander is no better th••n a Cob∣ler, and nowe by these translations euery Cobler is as familiar with Alexander as he that wrote his life.

2 art.

ANAM. Item that she hath wrong••ully imprisoned a Ladie called ••••cr••tas.

3. art.

Item that she's a wi••ch and exce••ciseth her tongue in exorcismes.

4. art.

Item that she's a common whote and lets euery one lie with her.

5.

art. Item that shee railes on men in Authority depra∣uing their Honours, with bitter Iests and tauntes and that she's a Backbyter setting strife betwixt Bosome friends.

6 art.

Item that shee lends wiues weapons to fight against their husbands.

7. art.

Item that shee maintaines a traine of prating petty foggers, prouling Sumners, smooth tongu'd bawdes, artlesse Empericks, hungry Parasites, Newes-carriers, Ianglers, and such like idle Companions, that delude the Commanalty.

8. art.

Item that she made Rhetorique wanton, Logicke to bable, Astronomy to lie.

9. art.

Item that she is an incontinent Tel-tale.

10. art.

Item (which is the last and worst) that shee's a Woman in euery respect and for these causes not to bee admitted to the dignitie of a Sense. That these Articles bee true wee pawne our honors, and subcribe our names.

1. ••isus. 4. Olfactus. 3. Gustus. 2. Au••itus. 5. Tactus.

COM. SEN.

Lingua these bee shrewde allegations, and as I thinke vn-answerable, I will deferre the iudgement of your cause till I haue finished the contention of the Senses.

LING

Your Lordships must be obeyed, but as for them most vngratefull, and perfidious wretches.

COM. S.

Good words become you better, you may depart if you will, till we send for you, Anam••••stes runne, remember Vi∣sus, tis time he were ready.

ANAM.

I go.

(Exit ANAM: et redit)

he stayes here expec∣ting your Lordships pleasure.

ACTVS. 3. SCENA. 6.

A Page carying a Scu••chion argent charged with an Eagle display∣ed proper, then. Visus with a Fanne of Peacocks fethers, next Lumen with a Crow••e of B••yes, and a Shield with a bright Sunne in it, apparrelled in Ti••••uc, then a Page bearing a S••ield before Coe'um, clad in A••ure Ta••••••ta, dimpled with Starres, a Crowne of Starres on his head, and a Scarse resembling the Zodi••ck ouer thwart the Shoulders, n••xt a page clad in gree••e with a terr••st••iall Globe before Terra, in a greene Fel••et gowne stucke with branches, and flowers, a Crowne of Turrets vpon her head, in her hand a Key, then a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 leading in his hand Colour clad in changeable si••ke, with a R••inbowe out of a Cloud on her head, last a Boy, Visus M••rshalleth his shew about the Stage, and presents it before the 〈◊〉〈◊〉.

VISVS. LVMEN. COELVM. PHANTAS. COM. SENS. MEMORIE.

VIS.

Loe here the obiect that delights the sight, The goodliest obiects that ma••s hea••t can wish, For a••l things that the Orbe first moueable, Wrappes in the circuite of his large-stretcht armes, Are subiect to the power of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 eyes, That you may know what profit light doth bring, Note Lumcu•• words that speakes next following.

LVMEN.

Ligh•• the faire Grand-child to the glorious Sunne, Opening the casements of the Rosie morne, Makes the abashed heauens soone to shun, The vgly darknesse it emb••ac'd beforne, And at his first appearance puts to fl••ght, The vtmost reliques of the Hell-borne night,

This heau'nly sheild soone as it is displaide, D••smayes the vices tha•• abhorre the light, To wanderers by Sea and Land giues aide, Conquers display, ••ecomforteth astright, Rowseth dull Idlenesse, and starts soft sleepe. And all the world to daily labour keepes, This a true looking glasse impartiall, Where Beauties selfe, her selfe doth beautifie, With natiue hue, not artificiall, Discouering falsehood, opening veritie, The dayes bright eye colours distinction, Iust iudge of measure and proportion. The onely meanes by which each mortall eye, Sends messengers to the wide firmament, That to the longing soule brings presently High contemplation and deep wonderment. By which aspitement she her wings displaies, And her selfe thither whence she came vpraisd.

PH.

What blew thing's that, that's dappled so with Starres.

VIS.

He represents the heau'n.

PH.

In my conceit it were pritty, if hee thundred when hee speakes.

VIS.

Then none could vnderstand him.

COEL.

Tropick coloures the Equinoctiall, The Zodiack poles, and line Eclipticall, The Nadaz, Zenith, and Anomalie••, The Azimeth and Ephimerides, Starres, Orbes, and Plannets, with their motions, The Orientall Regradations, Excentricks, Epicyctes, and—and—and—

PH.

How now Visus is your heauen at a stay? Or is it his Motus trepidationis that makes him stammer: I pray you Memory set him ag••••e againe.

MEM.

I remember when Iupiter made Amphitrio Cuckold, and lay with his wife Alcmena, Coelum was in this taking for three dayes space, and stood still iust like him at a non plus.

COM. SEN.

Leaue iesting, youle put the fresh Actor out of ••ountenance.

COEL.

Excentricks, Epicyctes, and Aspects,

In Sextile, Trine, and Quadrate which effects Wonders on earth: also the Oblique part Of signes, that make the day both long and short, The Constellations, rising Cosmicall, Setting of Starres, Chronicke, and Heliacall, In the Orizon or Meridionall, And all the skill in deepe Astronomie, Is to the soule de••iued by the eye.

PHA.

Visus you haue made Coelum a heauenly speech, past earthly capacitie, it had beene as good for him hee had thun∣dred. But I pray you who taught him speake and vse no action, me thinke it had beene excellent to haue turn'd round about in his speech.

Vis.

Hee hath so many motions hee knowes not which to begin withall.

PH.

Nay rather it seemes hee's of Copernicus opinion, and that makes him stand still.

Terra comes to the midsts of the Stage, stands stil a while, saith nothing, and steps back.

COM. SE.

Lets heare what Terra can say—iust nothing.

VIS.

And't like your Lordship, t'were an indecorum Terra should speake.

MEM.

You are deceiued, for I remember when Pha••ton rul'd the Sunne, I shall neuer forget him, he was a very pretty youth, the earth opened her mouth wide, and spoake a very good speech to Iupiter.

ANAM.

By the same token Nylus hid his head then, he could neuer finde it since.

PH.

You know Memory that was an extreame hotte day, & 'tis likely Terra sweat much, and so tooke cold presently after, that euer since she hath lost her voyce.

HERAVLD.

A C••uton Ermines added to the field, is a sure signe the man that bore these Armes, was to his Prince as a de∣fensiue shield, sauing him from the force of present Armes.

PH.

I know this fellow of old, 'tis a Herauld, many a Cen∣taure, Chimera, Barnacle, Crocadile, Hippotame, and such like toyes, hath he stolne out of the shop of my Inuention, to shape new coates for his vpstart Gentlemen. Either Affrica must

breed more monsters, or you make fewer Gentlemen M. He∣rauld, for you haue spent all my deuises already, but since you are here, let me aske you a question, in your owne profession, how comes it to pas••e that the victorious Armes of England, quartred with the conquered Coate of France are not placed on the dexter side, but giue the flowre deluce the better hand?

HER.

Because that the three Lyons are one coate made of two French Duke-domes, Normandy and Aquitaine: but I pray you Visus, what Iaye is that, that followes him?

VIS.

'Tis Color an obiect of mine, subiect to his cōmandment.

PHA.

Why speakes he not?

VIS.

He is so bashfull, he dares not speake for blushing: What thing is that, tell mee without delay.

A BOY.

That's nothing of it selfe, yet euery way, As like a Man, as a thing, like may bee, And yet so vnlike, as cleane contrary, For in one point it euery way doth misse, The right side of it a mans left side is Tis lighter then a Feather, and withall It filles no place, nor roome it is so small.

COM. SEN.

How now Visus, haue you brought a boy with a riddle to pose vs all.

PHAN.

Pose vs all? and I here; that were a iest indeed: My Lord, if he haue a Sphinx, I haue an Oedipus assure your selfe, lets heare it once againe.

BOY.

What thing is that Sir.

PHAN.

This such a knotty Enigma? why my Lord, I think it's a Woman, for first a Woman is nothing of her selfe, and a∣gaine shee is likest a man of any thing.

COM. SEN.

But wherein is she vnlike?

PHA.

In euery thing, in pecuisnnes, in folly.—'st Boy.

HEV.

In Pride, Decei••, Prating, Lying, Cogging, Coynes, Spite, Hate Sir.

PHA.

And in many mo such vices: Now he may well say, the left side a mans right side is, for a cros••e wife, is alwayes contrary to her husband, euer contradicting what hee wi∣sheth for, like to the verse in Martiall, Velle tuum.

MEM.

Velle tuvm ••olo. Dindine nolle volo.

PHA.

Lighter then a feather, doth any man, make questi∣on of that?

MEM.

They neede not, for I remember I saw a Cardinall weigh thē once, & the Woman was found 3. graynes lighter.

COM. SEN.

Tis strange, for I haue seene Gentlewomen weare feathers oftentime••, can they carrie heauier things then themselues?

MEM.

O sir, I remember, tis their onely delight to do so.

COM. SEN.

But how apply you the last verse, it fills no place Sir?

PHA.

By my faith, that spoyles all the former, for these far∣dingalles take vp all the roome now a dayes, tis not a woman questionlesse, shall I be put downe with a Riddle sirrah, Heu∣r••si•• search the corners of your conceit, and find it me quickly.

HEV.

Hay 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. I haue it, tis a mans face in a loo∣king Glasse.

PHAN.

My Lord, tis so indeede, Sirrha lets see it, for do you see my right eye here?

COM SEN.

Wh••t of your eye?

P••.

O Lord, sir, this kind of frowne is excellent, especially when tis sweetned with such a pleasing smile.

COM SE.

Phantastes.

PHA.

O Sir my left eie is my right in the glasse, do you see? by these lips my garters hang so neately, my Gloues & shooes become my hands and fee••e so well: Heuresis tie my shooes strings with a new knot;—this point was scarse well trust,—so, tis excellent.—Looking-glas••es were a passing inuentiō, I protest the fittest bookes for Ladies to study on—

MEM.

Take heede you fall not in loue with your selfe Phan∣tastes, as I remember: Anamnestes who wast that died of the looking disease?

AN.

Forsooth Narcissus, by the same t••ken he was turn'd to a Daffadill, & as he died for loue of himselfe, so if you remēber there was an old ill-fauoured, precious nosed, babber-lipt, bee∣tle-browed, Bleere-eyd, slouch-eard slaue that looking him∣selfe by chance in a Glasse, died for pure hate.

PH.

By the lip of my-I could liue and die with this face.

CO. SE.

Fie fie Phantastes, so effeminate for shame leaue off.

Visus your obiects I must needs say are admirable if the house & instrument bee answerable, letts here therefore in breife your description—

VIS.

Vnder the fore-head of mount Cephalon, That ouer-peeres the coast of Microco••me, All in the shaddowe of two pleasant groues, Stand my two mansion houses, both as round As the cleare heauens, both twins as like each other▪ As starre to starre, which by the vulger sort, For their resplendent composition, Are named the bright eyes of mount Cephalon: With foure faire roomes those lodgings are contriued. Foure goodly roomes in forme most sphericall, Closing each other like the heauenly orbes: The first whereof, of Natures substance wrought, As a strange moate the other to defende, Is trained moueable by Art diuine: Stirring the whole compacture of the rest, The second chamber is most curiously Composed of burnisht, and transparent horne.

PHAN.

That's a matter of nothing, I haue knowne many haue such bed-chambers.

MEM.

It may be so, for I remember being once in the townes Library, I read such a thing, in their greate booke of monu∣ments called, Cornucopia, or rather their copia-Cornu▪

VIS.

The third's a lesser roome of purest glasse, The fourth's smallest, but passeth all the former, In worth of matter built most sumptuously; With walls transparent of pure Christaline. This the soules mirrour and the bodies guide, Loues Cabinet bright beacons of the Realme, Casements of light quiuer of Cupids shafts: Wherein I sit and immediatly receiue, The species of things corporeall, Keeping continuall watch and centinell; Least forraine hurt inuade our Microcosme, And warning giue, (if pleasant things approch) To entertaine them, from this coastly roome:

Leadeth my Lord an entrie to your house, Through which I hourely to your selfe conuay Matters of wisdome by experience bred: Arts first inuention, pleasant vision, Deepe contemplation, that attires the soule, In gorgeous roabes of flowering literature: Then if that Visus haue deserued best, Let his victorious browe, with Crowne be blest.

COM. SEN.

Anamnestes, see who's to come next.

ANA.

Presently my Lord.

PHAN.

Visus, I wonder that amongst all your obiects, you presented vs not with Platoes Idea, or the sight of Niniuie, Babt∣lon, London, or some Sturbridge faire-monsters, they would haue done passing well, those motions in my immagination are very delightfull.

VIS.

I was loath to trouble your honours with such toies,

neither could I prouide them in so short a time.

COM. SEN.

We will consider your worth, meane while wee dismisse you.

Visus leades his showe about the stage, and so goeth out with it.

ACT. 3. SCEN. vltima.

AVDITVS. &c.

AVD.

Hearke, hearke, hearke, hearke, peace, peace, O peace: O sweete, admirable, Swanlike heauenly, hearke, O most mel∣li••uous straine, O what a pleasant cloase was there, O full, most delicate.

COM. SEN.

How now Phantast••s, is Auditus mad?

PHAN.

Let him alone, his musicall head is alwaies full of od ••rotchets.

AVD.

Did you marke the dainty dryuing of the last pointe, an excellent maintayning of the songe, by the choise timpan of mine eare, I neuer ••eard a better, hist, st▪ st, hearke, why theres a caden••eable to ••auish the dullest Stoicke.

COM. SEN.

I know not, what to thinke on him.

AVD.

There how sweetly the plane-song was dissolued in∣to descant, and how easily they came of with the last rest, hearke, hearke▪ the ••itter sweetest Achromaticke.

COM. SEN.

Audatus.

AVD.

Thankes good Apollo for this timely grace, neuer could'st thou in fit••er: O more then most musicall narmony, O most admirable consort, haue you no ea••es? doe you not heare this musicke?

PHAN.

It may bee good, but in my opinion, they rest too long in the beginning.

AVD.

Are you then deafe? do you not yet perceiue the won∣drous sound the heauenly orbes do make with their continuall motion, hearke, hearke, O hony sweete.

COM. SEN.

What tune do they play?

AVD.

Why such a tune as neuer was, nor euer shalbe heard, marke now, now marke, now, now. PHAN. List, list▪ list.

AVD.

Hearke O, sweete, sweete sweete.

PHAN.

List how my heart enuies my happy eares, hisht, by the gold strung harpe of Apollo, I heare the celestiall musicke of the spheares, as plainely as euer Pithagoras did, O most excel∣lent diapason good, good, good, It plaies fortune my ••oe, as dis∣tinctly as may be.

COM. SEN.

As the foole thinketh, so the bell clinketh I pro∣test I heare no more then a post.

PHAN.

What, the Laualta hay? nay if the heauens fiddle, Phansy must needes dance.

COM. S.

Prethe sit stil, thou must dance nothing but the passing measures. Memory do you heare this harmony of the spheares?

MEM.

Not now my Lord, but I remember about some 4000. yeares ago, whē the Skie was first made, we heard very prefectly.

ANA.

By the same token the first tune the planets plaied, I re∣mēeber Venus the treble ran sweet diusion vpō Saturne the base. The first tune they plaied was Sellengers roūd, in memory wher∣of euer since, it hath beene called the beginning of the world.

COM. SEN.

How comes it we cannot heare it now.

MEM.

Our eares are so well acquainted with the sounde, that we neuer marke it. As I remember the Egiptian Catadupes

neuer heard the ro••••nge of the fall of Nilus, because the noise is so familiar vnto them.

COM. SEN.

Haue you no other obiects to iudge by, then these Auditu••?

AVD.

This is the rarest and most exquisite, Most sphericall, diuine, angelicall, But since your duller eares cannot perceiue it: May it please your Lordship to with draw your selfe, Vnto this neigh-boring groue, there shall you see: How the sweete treble, of the chirp••ng birds, And the soft stirring of the mooued leaues. Running delightfull descant to the sound, Of the base murmuring of the bubling brooke, Becomes a consort of good instruments. While twenty babling ecchoes round aboute, Out of the stony concaue of their mouth: Restore the vanish't musicke of each cloase, And fill your eares full with redoubled pleasure▪

COM. SEN.

I will walke with you very willingly, for I growe weary of sitting. Come Maister R••gister, and Maister Phantastes,

Exeunt omnes.

Finis. ACT. 3.

Act. 4. SCENA. 1.

MENDATIO. ANAMNESTES. HEVRESIS.

MEN.

Prethee Nam, bee perswaded, ist nor better go to a feast then stay here for a fray?

ANA.

A feast? d••est thinke Auditus wil make the Iudges a feast?

MEN.

Faith I, why should he carry them to his house els?

ANA.

Why sir•• a to heare a set or two of songs, slid his ban∣quets are nothing but fish all soll, soll? soll? Ile teach thee wit boy, neuer go mee to a musitions house for lunkets, vn••esse thy ••••omake lies in thine ea••es; for there is nothing but commen∣ding this songs delicate aire, that motects dainty aire, this son∣nets sweete aire, that madrialls melting aire, this dirgesse mournfull aire, this Church aire that Chamber aire, French aire, English aire, Italian aire, why Lad, they bee pure Chamaelions, they seede only vpon the aire.

MEN.

Cham••elions? Ile be sworne some of your Fidlers be rather Ca••••els, for by their good-wills they will neuer leaue eating.

ANA.

True, and good reason, for they do nothing all the day but stretch and grate their small guts; but ô, yonders the Ape Heuresis: let me go I prethee.

MEN.

Nay good-now stay a little, let's see his humor.

HEV.

I see no reason to the contrary, for we see the quintes∣sence of Wine will conuert Water into Wine; why therefore should not the Elixar of gold turne lead into pure gold?

MEN.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, he is turned Chimick sirra, it seemes so by his talke.

HEV.

But how shall I deuise to blow the fire of Beeche∣coales, with a continuall and equall blast? ha? I will haue my bellowes driuen with a wheele, which wheele shall bee a selfe mouer.

ANA.

Here's old turning, these Chimicks seeking to turne Lead into Gold, turne away all their owne Siluer.

HEV.

And my wheele shall be Geometrically proportioned into 7. or 9. concaue incircled armes, wherein I will put equall poises, hai, hai, hai, 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉, I haue it, I haue it, I haue it.

MEN.

Heuresis?

HEV.

But what's best to containe the Quick-siluer? ha?

ANA.

Do you remember your promise Heuresis?

HEV.

It must not be Yron, for Quick-siluer is the tyrant of Mettles, and will soone fret it.

ANA.

Heuresis? Heuresis?

HEVR.

Nor Brasse, nor Copper, nor Mastlin, nor Minerall, 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉, I haue it, I haue it, it must be.

ANA.

You haue indeed sirra, and thus much more then you looked for. (snappe.)

Heuresis and Anamnestes about to fight, but Mendacio parts them.

MEN.

You shall not fight, but if you will alwayes disagree, let vs haue words and no blowes; Heuresis, what reason haue you to fall out with him?

HEV.

Because he is alwaies abusing me, and takes the vpper hand of me euery where.

ANA.

And why no•• sirra? I am thy better in any place.

HEV.

Haue I beene the Author of the seauen liberall Scien∣ces, and consequently of all learning? haue I beene the patron of all Mechanicall deuises, to be thy inferiour? I tell thee Anam∣nes••es thou hast not so, much as a point but thou art beholding to me for it.

ANA.

Good, good▪ but what had your inuention beene, but for my remembrance: I can proue that thou belly-sprung in∣uention, art t••e most improfitable member in the world, for euersince thou we••t bor••e thou hast beene a bloudy murthe∣rer, and thus I proue it: In the quiet yeares of Saturne (I re∣member Iupiter was then but in his swath-bands) thou rentest the bowels of the earth, & broughts gold to light, whose beau∣tie (like Hellen) set al the world by the eares, then vpō that thou foundest out Iron, and puttest weapons in their hands, and now in the last populous age, thou taugh'st a scab-shin frier, the hellish inuention of pouder and gunnes.

HEV.

Cal'st it hellish? thou liest it is the admirable'st inuen∣tion of all others, for whereas others imitate nature, this excells nature her selfe.

MEM.

True for a Cannon will kill as many at one shot, as Thunder doth commonly at twenty.

ANA.

Therefore more murthering art thou then the light bolt.

HEV.

But to shewe the strength of my conceite, I haue found out a meanes to withstand the stroke of the most vio∣lent culuering: Mendatio thou sawest it when I demonstrated inuention.

ANA.

What some wool-packes? or mudwalls? or such like?

HEV.

Mendatio I prethee tell it him for I loue not to bee a trumpeter of mine owne praises.

MENDAT,

I must needs confesse, this deuise to passe all that euer I heard or saw, and thus it was, first hee takes a Faul∣con, and charges it without all deceiptes, with dry powlder well canphred, then did hee put in a single bullet, and a great quantity of drop shot both round and lach••imall, this done he sets me a boy 60. paces off, iust pointe blanke ouer against the mouth of the peece, now in the very midst of the direct line hee

fastens a post, vpon which he hangs me in a corde a Siderits, of Herculean stone.

ANA.

Well, well, I know it well, it was found out in Ida, in the yeare of the world—by one Magnes, whose name it re∣taines, though vulgarly they call it an Adamant.

MEN.

When hee had hangd this Adamant in a corde, he comes back, and giues fire to the tutch-hole, now the powder consumed to a voide vacuvm.

HEV.

Which is intollerable in Nature, for first shall the whole Machin of the world, heauen, earth, sea, and ayre, returne to the mishapen house of Chaos, then the least vacuvm be found in the vniuerse.

MEN.

The bullet and drop-shot most impetuously from the ••ierie throate of the Culuering, (but •• strange) no sooner ••ame they neere the Adamant in the corde, but they were all arrested by the Sargent of Nature, and houered in the ayre round about it, till they had lost the force of their motion, clas∣ping themselues close to the Stone in most louely manner, and not any one flew to endanger the marke, so much did they re∣member their duty to nature, that they forgot the errand they were sent of.

ANA.

This is a very artificiall lye.

MEN.

Nam beleeue it, for I saw it, and which is more, I haue practised this deuise often: once when I had a quarrell with one of my Lady Veritas naked knaues, and had pointed him the field, I conuaide into the heart of my Buckler an Adamant, and when we met, I drew, all the foynes of his Rapier, whether so euer hee intended them, or howsoeuer I guided mine arme, pointed still to the midst of my buckler, so that by this meanes, I haut the Knaue mortally, and my selfe came away vntoucht, to the wonder of all the beholders.

ANA.

Sirra you speake Metaphorically, because thy witte Mend••cio alwayes drawes mens obiections to thy fore∣thought excuses.

HEV.

Anamnestes 'tis true, and I haue an addition to this, which is to make the bullet, shot from the enemy, to returne immediatly vpon the Gunner: but let all these passe, and say the worst thou canst against me.

ANA.

I say Gunnes were found out for the quick dispatch of mortallity, and when thou sawest men grow wise, and beget so faire a childe as Peace, of so foule and deformed a mother as Warre, least there should bee no murther, thou deuisest poyson.

MEN.

Nayfie Nam, vrge him not too farre.

ANA,

And last and worst, thou foundest out cookery, that kills more then weapons, gunnes, warres or poysons, and would destroy all, but that thou inuentedst Phisicke, that helpes to make away some.

HEV.

But sirra, besides all this, I deuised Pillories for such forging villaines as thy selfe.

ANA.

Calst mee villaine?

They fight, and are parted by Mendatio.

MEN.

You shall not fight as long as I am here, giue ouer I say.

HEV.

Mendatio you offer mee great wrong to hold me, in good-faith I shall fall out with you.

MENDA.

Away, away, away, you are Inuention, are you not.

HEV.

Yes Sir, what then?

MEN.

And you remembrance?

ANA.

Well sir, well.

MEN.

Then I will be Iudicium, the moderator betwixt you, and make you both friends, come, come, shake hands, shake hands.

HEV.

Well, well, if you will needs haue it so?

ANA.

I am in some sore content.

Mendatio walkes with them, holding them by the hands.

MEN.

Why this is as it should be, when Mendatio hath In∣uention on the one hand, and Remembrance on the other, as heele be sure neuer to bee found with Truth in his mouth: so hee scornes to be taken in a lye, hai, hai, hai, my fine wagges whist?

ANA.

Whist.

HEV.

Whist.

ACT. 4. SCEN. 2.

Comunis, Sensus, Memory, Phantastes, Heuresis, Anamnestes take their places on the bench, as before, Auditus on the stage, a page before him bearing his target, the field sable, an heart or, next him Tragedus appareled in black velue••, f••ire bus kins, a fauchi∣on &c. then Comediu in a light colloured greene ta••fata robe, silke stockings, pumps, gloues. &c.

COMMVNIS SENSVS, MEMORY, PHANTASTES, HEVRESIS, ANAMNESTES. &c.

COM.

They had some reason that held the soule a harmony, for it is greatly delighted with musicque, howe fast wee weare tyed by the eares to the consort of voices powder; but all is but a little pleasure, what profitable obiects hath he?

PHA.

Your eares will teach you presently, for nowe hee is com••ing, that fellowe in the bayes mee thinkes I should haue known him; o tis Comedus, tis so but he is become now a daies something humerous, and too too, Satyricall, vp and downe, like his great grand-father A ••istophanes.

AN.

These two my Lord Comaedus and Tragedus, My fellowes both, both, twins, but so vnlike, As birth to death, wedding to funerall: For this that rears him selfe in bus kins quainte, Is pleasant at the first, proud in the midst: Stately in all, and bitter death at end. That in the pumpes doth frowne at first acquaintance▪ Troble the midst, but in the end concludes, Cloasing vp all with a sweete catastrophe? This graue and sad disdaine with btinish teares, That light and quick with wrinckled laughter painted; This deales with Nobles, Kings, and Emperours: Full of great feares, great Hopes, great enterprises, This other trades with men of meane condition: His proiects small, small Hopes and dangers little, This gorgeous broidered with rich sentences:

That faire and pursled round with merriments▪ Both vice detect, and vertue beautifie: By being deaths mirrour, and lifes looking glasse.

COM.

Salutem iam primum a principio propitiam. Mihi atque Vobis spectatores nuntio.

PHA.

Pish, pish this is a speech with no action, lets here TE∣RENCE, quid ig••tur faciam. &c.

COM.

Quid igitur faciam? non eam ne nunc quidem cum ac∣cusorvliro?

PHA.

Phy, phy, phy, no more action, lend me your baies, doe it thus. Quid igitur. &c. (he acts it after the old kinde of Panto∣mimick action.)

COM. SEN.

I shold iudge this action Phantastes most absurd, vn∣les we should come to a Commedy, as gentlewomen to the co∣mencement, only to see men speake.

PHA.

In my imagination it's excellent, for in this kinde the hand (you knowe) is ha••bingerto the tongue and prou••des the words a lodging in the eares of the Auditors.

COM. SEN.

Auditus it is nowe time you make vs acquainted with the quallity of the house you keepe in, for our better healpe in iudgement.

AVD.

Vpon the sides of faire mount Cephalor, Haue I two houses passing humaine skill: Of finest matter by dame nature wrought, Whose learned fingers haue adorn'd the same With gorgeous porches of so strange a forme, That they command the passingers to stay: The dores whereof in hospitallity, Nor day, nor night, are shut, but open wide, Gently inuite all commers; wherevpon, They are named the open eares of Cephal••n. But least some boulder sound should boldy rush, And breake the nise composture of the worke, The skilfull builder wisely hath inrangd, An eatry from each port with curious twines, And crookt Meanders, like the laborinth, That Dedalus fram'd to inclose the Minotaure; At end whereof is placed a costly portall:

Resembling much the figure of a drumme, Granting slow entrance to a priuate closet: Where daily with a mallet in my hand, I set and frame all words and sounds that come, Vpon an Anuile and so make them fit: For the pere: vinckling poore; that winding leades, From my close chamber to your Lordships cell. Thither do I chiefe Iustice of all accents, Psyches next porter, Microcosmes front: Learnings ritch treas••re, bring discipline, Reasons discourse, knowledge of foraigne states, Lowd fame of great Heroes vertuous deeds: The marrowe of graue speeches and the flowers: Of quickest Wits, neat Iests, and pure Conceits, And often times to ease the heauy burthen, Of gouernment, your Lordships shoulder beare, I thither do conduce the pleasing Nuptialls: Of sweetest iustruments with heauenly noise. If then A••ditus, haue deseru'd the best: Let him be dignified before the rest.

COM. SEN.

Auditus I am almost a Skepticke in this matter, scarce knowing which way the ballance of the cause will decline, when I haue heard the rest, I will dispatch iudgement, meane while you may depart.

Auditus leads his showe about the stage, and then goes out.

ACTVS. 4. SCENA. 3.

COMMVNIS SENSVS, Memoria, Phantastes, Anamnestes, Heuresis as before, Olfactus in a garland of seuerall flowers, a page before him, bearing his target, his field vert, a ••ound ar∣gent, two Boyes with casting bottells, and two with censors with incense, another with a veluet cushion stuck with slowers, an other with a basket of hearbes, an other with a box of Oynt∣ment, Olfactus leads them about, and making obeysance presents them before the bench.

I. BOY.

Your onely way to make a good pomander, is this, take an ownce of the purest garden mould, clensed and stee∣ped seauen daies in change of motherlesse rose water, then take the best Labdanum, Benioine, both Storaxes, amber greece, and Ciuet, and mus ke, incorporate them together, and work them into what forme you please, this if your breath bee not to valiant, will make you smell as sweete as my Ladies dogge.

PHA.

This Boy it should seeme represents Odor, hee is so perfect a persumer.

ODOR.

I do my Lord, and haue at my command, The smell of flowers, and Odoriferous drugs, Of oyntments sweete, and excellent perfumes, And Court-like waters, which if once you smell, You in your heart would wish as I suppose: That all your Body were transsformed to Nose.

PHA.

Olfactus of all the Senses, your obiects haue the worst luck, they are alwaies iarring with their contraries, for none can weare Ciuet, but they are suspected of a proper badde sent, where the prouerbe springs, hee smelleth best, that doth of nothing smell.

ACT. 4. SCENA 4.

The bench and Olfactus as before, Tobacco apparelled in a taf∣fata mantle, his armes browne and naked, buskins made of the pilling of Osiers, his necke bare, hung with Indian leanes, his face browne painted with blewe stripes, in his nose swines teeth, on his head a painted wicker crowne, with Tobacco pipes set in it, ••lumes of Tobacco leaues, lead by two Indian boyes naked, with tapers in their hands, Tobacco boxes and pipes lighted.

PHA.

Foh, foh, what a smell is heare? is this one of your de∣lightfull obiects?

OLF.

It is your onely sent in request Sir.

COM. SEN.

What fiery fellowe is that, which smoakes so much in the mouth?

OLF.

It is the great and puissant God of Tobacco.

TOB.

L••doch guevarroh pufuer shelvaro baggon, Oisia di quanon, Indi cortilo vraggon.

PHA.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, this in my opinion is the tongue of the Antipodes.

MEM,

No I remember it very well, it was the language the Arcadians spake, that siued long before the Moone.

COM. SEN.

What signifies it Olfactus?

OLF.

This is the mighty Emperour Toba••co, King of Tri∣nidado, that in being conquered, conquered all Europe, in ma∣king them pay tribute for their smoake.

TOB.

Erfronge inglues conde hisingo, Deuelin sloscoth ma pu cocthinge.

OLF.

Expeller of Catarhes, banisher of all agues, your guts onely salue for the greene wounds of a non plus.

TOB.

Alvulcam vercu, I parda poraside gratam, kafamala mara, che Bau••o respartera, quirara?

OLF.

Sonne to the God Vulcan, and Tellus, kinne to the fa∣ther of Myrth, called Bacchiu?

TOB.

Viscardonok, pillostuphe, pascano ••inaromagas, Pagidagon stollisinfe, carociba••o scribas.

OLF.

Genius of all Swaggerers, profest enemy to Physiti∣ons, sweete ointment for sowre teeth, firme knot of good fel∣lowship, Adamant of Company, switt winde, to spred the wings of Time, hated of none, but those that know him not, and of so great deserts, that who so is acquainted with him, can hardly forsake him.

PHA.

It seemes these last words were very significant, I promise you a God of great denominatiō, he may be my Lord Tappes for his large Ti••les.

COM. SEN.

But forward Olfactus, as they haue done before you, with your discription?

OLF.

lust in the mid'st of Cephalons round face As 'twere a fron••is-spice vnto the hill, Olfactus lodging built in figure long, Doubly dis-parted with two precious vaults, The rootes whereof most richly are inclos'd, With Orient Pearles, and sparkling Diamonds:

Beset at the end with Emerauds and Turchois, And Rubies red, and flaming Crisolits, At vpper end whereof in costly manner, I lay my head betweene two spungeous pillowes, Like faire Adonis twixt the paps of Venus, Where I conducting in and out the wind, Daily examine all the ayre inspir'd. By my pure searching, if it be pure, And sit to serue the lungs with liuely breath: Hence do I likewise minister perfume Vnto the neighbour brayne, perfumes of force To clense your head, and make your fanta••ie To refine wit, and sharpe inuention And strengthen memory, from whence it came, That old deuotion, ••ncence did ordaine To make mans spirits more apt for things diuine, Besides a thousand more commodities, In leiw whereof your Lordships I request, Giue me the crowne if I deserue it best.

Olfactus leades his company about the Stage, and goes out.

ACTVS. 4. SCENA. 5.

The Bench as before: a Page with a shield argent, an Ape proper with an apple, then Gustus with a cor••••-copia in his hand, Bac∣chus in a Garland of leaues and Grapes, a white sute, and ouer it a thin sarsenet to his foote, in his hand a speare wreathed with vine leaues, on his arme a Target with a Tiger, Ceres with a Crowne of eares of corne, in a yellow silke robe, a bunch of poppy in her hand, a schutcheon charged with a Dragon.

COM. SEN.

In good time Gustus, haue you brought your obiects?

GVST.

My seruant Appetitus followeth with them.

AP.

Come come Bacchus, you are so fat; enter enter.

PH.

Fie, fie Gustus this is a great indecorum to bring Bac∣chus alone, you should haue made Thirst ••ed him by the hand.

GVS.

Right Sir, but Men now a dayes drinke often when they be not drye, besides I could not get red hearings and dri∣ed neates tongues enough to apparell him in.

COM. SEN.

What neuer a speech of him.

GVS.

I put an Octaue of lambicks in his mouth, and hee hath drunke it downe.

AP.

Well done, M••scadine and Eggs stand hot; what but∣ter'd Claret? go thy way thou had'st best, for blind man that cannot see how wickedly thou look'st •• how now, what small thin fellow, are you here? ha?

BOY.

Beere forsooth, beere forsooth.

AP.

Beere forsooth? get you gone to the buttery, till I call for you, you are none of Bacchus attendants, I am sure, he can∣not indare the smell of Mault. Whereas Ceres? ô well, well, is the March-pa••e broken? ill luck, ill luck, come hang't, neuer stand to set it together againe; serue out fruite there; (Enter Boyes with a Ba••ket, M••rmolet, sweet &c. deliuer it round among the Gentlewomen, and goe out) what doe you come with roste∣meat after Aples, away with it. Disgestion serue out cheese; what, but a penny-worth, it is iust the measure of his nose that sold it? lambs wooll; the meekest meate in the world, t'will let any man fleece it. Snap-dragon there.

MEM.

O I remember this dish well, it was first inuented by Pluto to intertaine Proserpina with all.

PHA.

I thinke not so Memory, for when Hercules had kild the flaming Dragon of Hesperdia, with the Apples of that Orchard, he made this siery meate, in memory whereof hee named it Snap-dragon.

COM. SEN.

Gust••s, lets here your description?

GVS.

Neare to the lowly base of Cehalon, My house is plac'd, not much vnlike a Caue. Yet archt aboue by wondrous workemanship With hewen stones wroght smoother and more fine Then Ieat or Marble fayre from Island brought. Ouer the dore directly doth incline A fayre Percullis of compacture strong, To shut out all that may anoy the state, Or health of Microcosme; and within

Is spred along board like a plyant tongue, At which I howerly sit, and tryall take, Of meats and drinkes needefull and delectable: Twise euery day do I prouision m••ke For the sumptious kitchin of the common wealth, which once well boyl'd, is soone distributed, To all the members, well refreshing them With good supplie of strength-renewing foode, Should I neglect this musing dilligence The body of the Realme would ruinate: Your selfe my Lord with all your policies And wondi••ous wit, could not preserue your selfe, Nor you Phantastes, not you Memorie; Psyche her selfe, were't not that I repayre Her crazie house with props of nourishment, Would soone forsake vs: for whose dearest sake Many a grieuous paine haue I sustain'd, By bitter pills, and sowre purgations, Which if I had not valiantly abidden, She had beene long ere this departed, Since the whole Microcosme I maintaine, Let mee as Prince, aboue the Senses ra••gne.

COM. SEN.

The reasons you vrge Gustus breed a new doubt whether it be better to be commodious or necessary, the reso∣lution whereof I refer to your iudgement, licensing you meane while to depart. (Gustus leads his shew about the stage, & goes out)

ACTVS 4. SCENA. 6.

The bench as before; TACTVS, a Page before him bearing his Scutcheon, a Tortesse sables.

TAC.

Ready anon forsooth? the Diuell she will, Who would be toyl'd with wenches in a shew.

COM. S.

What in such anger Tactus? whats the matter?

TAC.

My Lord I had thought as other Senses did, By sight of obiects to haue prou'd my worth; Wherefore considering that of all the things, That please me most, women are counted cheefe.

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I had thought to haue represented in my shew, The Queene of pleasure, Venus and her Sonne, Leading a Gentleman enamored, With his sweete touching of his Mistrisse lippes, And gentle griping of her tender hands, And ••••uers pleasant relishes of touch, Yet all contained in the bounds of chastity.

PHA.

〈◊〉〈◊〉, of all I long to see your obiects, How comes it we haue lost those pretty sports.

TAC.

Thus 'tis, ••iue houres agoe I set a douzen maides to attire a boy like a nize Gentlewoman: but there is such doing with their looking-glasses, pinning, vnpinning, setting, vnseting, formings and conformings painting blew vaines, and cheekes, such st••rre with Stickes and Combes, Cascanets, Dressings, Purles, Falles, Squares, Buskes, Bodies, Scarffes, Neck laces, Car∣canets, Rebatoes, Borders, Tires, Fannes, Palizadoes, Puffes, Ruffes, Cuffes, Muffes, Pussles, Fussles, Partsets, Frislets, Bandlets, F••••lets, Croslets, Pendulets, Amulets, Annulets, Bracelets, and so many lets, that ye: shee is scarse drest to the girdle: and now there's such calling for Fardingales, Kirtlets, Busk-points, shoo∣tyes &c. that seauen Pedlers shops, nay all Sturbridge Faire will scarse furnish her: a Ship is sooner rigd by farre, then a Gentle∣woman made ready.

PHA.

Tis strange, that women being so mutable, Will neuer change in changing their apparell?

COM. SEN.

Well let them passe; Tactus we are content, ••o know your dignity by relation.

TAC.

The instrument of instruments, the hand, Courtesies index, Chamberlane to Nature, The bodies Souldier, and mouthes Caterer, Psyches great Secretarie, the dumbes eloquence, The blindmans Candle, and his forheads Buckler, The minister of wrath, and friendships signe, This is my instrument: neuerthelesse my power Extends it selfe, farre as our Q••eene commands, Through all the parts and climes of Microcosme. I am the roote of life, spreading my vertue By sinewes that extend from head to foote,

To euery liuing part. For as a suttle Spider closely sitting, In center of her web that spreddeth round: If the least Flie but touch the smallest thred, Shee feeles it instantly; so doth my selfe, Casting my slender nerue and sundry netts, Ouer ••uery particle of all the body, By proper I kill perceaue the difference, Of seuerall quallities, hot, cold, moist and drie; Hard, soft, rough, smooth, clammy and slippery. Sweete pleasure, and sharp paine profitable, That makes vs wounded seeke for remedy: By these meanes do I teach the Body flie, From such bad things as may indanger it: A wall of brasle can be no more defence, Vnto a towne then I to Microcosme? Tell me what sence is not beholding to mee, The nose is hot or cold, the cies do weepe: The eares do feele, the tast's a kinde of touching, That when I please, I can command them all, And make them tremble when I threaten them: I am the eldest, and biggest of all the rest, The chiesest note, and first destinction, Betwixt a liuing tree and liuing beast; For though one heare, and see: and smell: and tast If he wants touch, he is counted but a block? Therefore my Lord grant me the royalty: Of whome there is such great necessity.

COM. SEN.

Tactus stand aside; you sirra Anamnestes tell the Senses we expect their appearance

ANA.

At your Lordships pleasure••

Exit Anamnestes.

ACT. 4. SCEN. 7.

COM. SEN. PHA. MEM. HEV. ANA Voun the bench consul∣ting among themselues: VIS. T••CT. GVST. and OLF. ••ue∣ry one with his shield vpon his arme? LINGVA and MENDA∣TIO with them.

COM. SEN.

Though you deserue no small punishment for

these vp-rores, yet at the request of these my asistants I remit it, & by the power of Iudgement our gratious souera••gne Psuche hath geuen mee. Thus I determine of your controuersies: hum? By your former obiects, instruments and reasons, I conceaue the state of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 to bee deuided into two parts, one of com∣modity, the other of necessity, both which are either for our Queene or for our country, but as the Soule is more excellent then the Body, so are the Senses that proffit the Soule to be esti∣mated before those that are needefull for the Body; visus and Auditus serue your selues, Maister Register giue me the crowne; because it is better to be well, then simply to be, therfore I iudge the crowne by right to belong to your of the Commodities part & the robe to you of the Necessities side; and since you Visus are the author of inuention, & you Auditus of increase and additiō to the same, seeing it is more excellent to inuent, then to aug∣ment, I establish you Visus the better of the two, and cheife of all the rest, in token whereof, I bestowe vpon you this crowne to weare at your liberty.

VIS.

I most humbly thanke your Lordships.

COM. SEN.

But least I should seeme to neglect you Auditus, I heare chuse you to bee the Lords intelligencer to Psuche•• her Maiesty, and you Olfactus, we bestow vpon you the chiefe Preist∣hood of Microcosin••, perpetually to offer ince••se in her maiesties temple. As for you Tactus vpon your reasons aleaged, I bestowe vpon you the roabs.

TACT.

I accept it most gratefully at your iust hands, and will weare it in the deare remembrance of your good Lordship.

COM. SEN.

And lastly, Gustus we elect you P••uche her onely taster, and great purueior for all her dominions, both by sea and land, in her realme of Microco••••••.

GVS.

We thanke your Lordship, and rest well content with e∣quall arbitrement.

COM. SEN.

Now for you Lingua.

LIN.

I beseech your honour let me speake, I will neither tro∣ble the company nor offend your patience.

COM. SEN.

I cannot stay so long; wee haue consulted about you, and finde your cause to stand vpon these tearmes, and con∣ditions. The number of the Senses in this little world, is an∣swerable

to the first bodies in the great world: now since there bee but fiue in the Vniuerse, the foure elements and the pure substance of the heauens, therefore the••e can bee but fiue senses in our Microc••sme, correspondent to those, as the sight to the heauens, hearing to the aire, touching to the earth, smel∣ling to the ••••••e, tasting to the water, by which ••••••e meanes one∣ly the vnderstanding is able to apprehend the knowledge of all Corporeall substances? wherefore wee iudge you to bee no Sense simply, onely thus much we from hence forth pronounce, that all women for your sake shall haue six 〈◊〉〈◊〉, that is seeing, heating, tasting, smelling, touching, and the last and feminine sense, the sense of speaking.

GVS.

I beseech your Lordships and your asistants, (the one∣ly cause of our friendship,) to grace my table with your most welcome presence this night at supper.

COM. SEN.

I am sorry I cannot stay with you, you know we may by no meanes omit our daiely attendance at the Court, therefore I praie you pardon vs.

GVS.

I hope I shall not haue the deniall at your hands my Maisters, and you my Ladie Lingua, come let vs drowne all our anger in a bowle of hippocras.

Ex••••••t 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ••mnes exteriores.

COM. SEN.

Come Maister Registe•• shall we walke?

MEM.

I pray you stay a little? let mee see? ha, ha, ha, ha ha,

PHA.

How now Memory so merry? what doe you trou∣ble your selfe with two palsies at once? shaking, and laugh∣ing.

MEM.

Tis a strange thing that men will so confidently op∣pose themselues against Plato•••• great yeare.

PHA.

Why not.

MEM.

Tis as true an opinion as neede be; for I remember it verie readily now, that this time 49000. yeares agoe all wee weare in this verie place and your Lordship iudged the verie same controuersie, after the verie same manner, in all respects, and cercumstances alike.

COM.

Tis wondrous strange.

ANA.

By the same token you held your Staffe in your

right hand, iust as you do now, and M^r. Phantastes stood won∣dring at you, gaping as wide as you see him.

PH.

I but I did not giue you a boxe on the ••are sirrah 49000. yeares ago, did I? (snappe)

ANA.

I do not remember that Sir.

PHA.

This time Platoes twesue month to come, looke you saue your cheekes better.

COM. SEN.

But what intertainment had we at Court for our long staying?

MEM.

Lets go, Ile tell you as we walke.

PHA.

If I doe not seeme pranker nowe, then I did in those dayes, Ile be hang'd?

Exeunt omnes interiores Sensus, manet Lingua.

ACTVS 4. SCENA. 8.

LINGVA. MENDATIO.

LING.

Why this is good by common Senses meanes, Lingua thou hast framed a perfect comoedy They are all good friends, whom thou mad'st enemies, And I am halfe a Sense: a sweete peece of seruice, I promise you a fayre step to preferment. Was this the care and labour thou hast taken, To bring thy foes together to a banket, To loose thy Crowne, and be deluded thus, Well now I see my cause is desperate, The iudgements past, sentence irreuocable, Therefore Ile be content and clap my hands, And giue a Plaudite to their proceedings: What shall I leaue my hate begun imperfect? So fowly vanquisht by the spitefull Senses? Shall I the Embassadresse of Gods and Men That puld proud Phoebe from her brightsome spheare And darkt Apollo's countenance with a word Raysing at pleasure stormes, and winds, and earth-quakes Be ouercrowed? and breath without reuenge?

Yet they forsooth base slaues must be preferred, And deck themselues with my ••ight ornaments: Doth the all-knowing 〈◊〉〈◊〉 see this shame Without redresse? will not Hea••ens helpe me? Then shall Hell do it, my enchanting tongue Can mount the skies, and in a moment fall, From the Pole Artick to darke Acheton. Ile make them know mine anger is not spent, L••ngua hath power to hurt, and will to do it. Mend••••io, come hether quickly sirra.

MEN.

Madame.

LING.

Harke hether in thine ••are.

MEN.

Why do you whish thus? here's none to heare you.

LING.

I dare not trust these secrets to the Earth, ••re since she brought forth Reedes, whose babling noise tolde all the world of Midas Asses ea••es, (She whispers him in the ear••) Doost vnderstand me?

MEN.

I, I, I—neuer feare that—there's a iest indeed—pish, pish,—Madam—doe you thinke mee so foolish?—tut, tut, doubt not.

LIN.

Tell her if she doe not.

MEN.

Why do you make any question of it—what a stirre is here—I warrant you—presently?

Exit Mendats••?

LING.

Well, Ile to supper, and so closely couer, The rustie cancker of mine Y••on spight, With golden foile of goodly semblances, But if I do not t••ounce them—

Exit Lingua.

Finis Act. 4.

Actus. 5. Scena 1.

MENDATIO with a bottle in his hand.

MEN

My Lady 〈◊〉〈◊〉 is iust like one of these ••eane-witted Comedians, who disturbing all to the fist Act, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 cowne some Mercuri•• or 〈◊〉〈◊〉 in an Eng••••e to mak•• 〈…〉〈…〉. So shee, but in a contrary man••er, seeing her 〈◊〉〈◊〉 plots dispur••osed, sends me to an old Witch called 〈…〉〈…〉 to w••eake 〈◊〉〈◊〉

spight vpon the Senses: the olde ••ag after manie an incricled circumstance, and often naminge of the direfull Hecate, and Demogorgon, giues mee this bottle of wine mingled with such hellish drugges and forcible words, that whosoeuer drinkes of it shall bee presentile possest with an inraged and mad kinde of anger.

ACT. 5. SCENA. 2.

MENDACIO, CRAPVLA, APPETITVS crying.

MEND.

What's this Crapula beating Appetitus out of dores? ha!

CRAP.

You filthie long Crane, you meager slaue, will you kil our guests with blowing continuall hunger in them? (tiffe, toffe, tiffe, toffe) the Senses haue ouercharged their stomackes already, and you Sirra serue them vp a fresh appetite with euerie newe dish, they had burst their gutts if thou hadd'st staied but a thought longer? (tiffe, toffe, tiffe, toffe,) bee gon or ile set thee a∣way, begon ye gnawe-bone, raw-bone, rascal.

MEND.

Then my deuise is cleane spoiled. Appctitus should haue beene as the bowle to present this medecine to the Sen∣ses, and now Crapula hath beaten him out of dores? what shall I doe?

CRAP.

Away Sirra, (tiff toff, tiff. &c.

APP.

Well Crapula, well, I haue deserued better at your hands then so, I was the man you knowe first brought you into Gustus his seruice, I lin'd your gutts there, and you vse me thus? but grease a fat sowe. &c.

CRAP.

Do'st thou talke (tiff, toff) hence, hence tiff, tiff, hence auaunt curre, auaunt you dogge!

Exit Crapula.

APP.

The belching gor-bellie hath wellnigh kill'd me; I am shut out of dores finely, well this is my comfort, I may walke now in libertie at my owne pleasure.

MEND.

Appetitus, Appetitus••

APP.

Ah Mendaci••, Mendaci••,

MEND.

Why how now man, how now? how ist (canst not speake.

APP.

Faith I am like a bag-pipe, that neuer sound's but when the bellie is full.

MEND.

Thou emptie, and com'st from a feast.

APP.

From a sray I tell thee Mendaci••. I am now iust like the Ewe that gaue sucke to a wolfes whelpe. I haue must vp my fellowe Crapula so longe, that hee's growne strong enough to beate me.

MEND.

And whither wilt thou go, now thou at banish't out of seruice?

APP.

Faith Ile trauell to some College or other in an Vni∣uersitie.

MEND.

Why so?

APP.

Because Appetit•••••••• is well beloued among'st Schollers, for there I can dine and suppe with them & rise againe as good friends as we sate downe, Ile thither questionles.

MEND.

Hear'st thou? giue me thy hand; by this hand I loue thee; go too then, thou shalt not forsake thy mai••••ers thus, I say thou shalt not.

APP.

Alas I am verie loth; but how should I helpe it?

MEND.

Why take this bottle of wine, come on, go thy waies to them againe.

APP.

Ha, ha, ha, what good will this do••?

MEND.

This is the N••p••nth•• that reconciles the God's: do•• but let the Senses tast of it, and seare not, the••e loue thee as well as euer they did.

APP.

I pray thee where had'st it?

MEND.

My Ladie gaue it me to bring her: 〈◊〉〈◊〉 stale it from H•••••• for her: thou knowest there were som ia••res betwixt her and thy maisters, & with this drinke she would gladlie wash out all the reliques of their disagreement: Nowe because I lowe thee, thou shalt haue the grace of presenting it to them and so come in fauour againe.

APP.

It smel••es well I would saine begin to them;

MEND.

Nay staie no longer least they heue supp't before thou come.

APP.

M••ndacio, howe shall I requite thy infinite 〈◊〉〈◊〉.

MEN.

Nay praie thee leaue, go catch occasion by the ••••••etop,

but hearst thou? as soone as it is presented, round my Lady Lingua in the eare, and tell her of it.

APP.

I will, I will, I will, Adue, adue, adue,

Exit Appeti.

ACTVS. 5. SCENA. 3.

MENDACIO solus.

MEN.

Why this is better then I could haue wisht it, Fortune I thinke is falne in loue with me, Answering so right mine expectation. By this time Appetite is at the Table. And with a lowly Cringe presents the Wine, To his olde Maister Gustus, now he takes it, Aud drinkes perchance to Lingua, she craftily Kisles the Cup, but lets not downe a drop, And giues it to the rest; 'tis sweet, theile swallow it, But when 'tis once descended to the stomack, And sends vp noisome vapours to the braine, Twill make them swagger gallantly, the••••e rage Most strangely, or 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Art deceiues her, When if my Lady stirre her nimble tongue, And closely sowe contentious words amongst them, O what a stabbing there will be? what bleeding?

ACTVS. 5. SCENA. 4.

LINGVA. MENDACIO.

LING

What art thou there M••ndacio? prettie rascall, Come let me kisse thee for thy good deserts.

MEN.

Madame do'st take? haue they all tasted it?

LING.

All, all, and all are well nigh mad already: Oh how they stare, and sweare, and fume, and brawle, W••ath giues them weapons; Pots and Candle-sticks, Ioin'd stooles and Trenchers flie about the roome, Like to the bloudie banquet of the C••utaure••, But all the sport is to see what seuerall thoughts

The potions works in their Imaginations. For Visus thinkes himselfe; a ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

ACTVS 5. SCENA. 5.

APPETITVS, MENDATIO, LINGVA.

AP.

So-hoe Mendatio! so-hoe, so-hoe!

MEN.

Madame I doubt they come, yonder is Appetitus, you had best begon, least in their outrage they should iniure you.

(Exit Lingua)

How now Hunger? how do'st thou my fine may-pole, ha?

AP.

I may well be calld a may-pole: for the Senses do no∣thing but dance a morice about mee.

MEN.

Why? what ayles them? are they not (as I promised thee) friends with thee.

AP.

Friends with mee? nay rather frenzy: I neuer knewe them in such a case, in all my life.

MEN.

Sure they dranke too much, and are mad for loue of thee.

AP.

They want common Sense among'st them: there's such a hurly burly Auditus is starke deafe, and wonders why Men speake so so••tly that he cannot here them: Visiu hath drunke himsel••e ••••a••ke blind, and therefore imagineth himsel••e to bee Polyphemu••: Tactus is raging mad, and cannot bee otherwise perswaded, but hee is Hercules furens; there's such conceits amongst them.

ACT. 5. SCENA. 6.

VISVS, APPETITVS. MENDATIO.

VIS.

O that I could but finde the villaine Outis, Outis the v••llaine, that thus blinded mee.

MEN.

Who is this? Visus?

AP.

I, I, I, otherwise called Polyphemus.

VIS:

By heauens bright Sunne, the dayes most glorious eye,

That lightneth all the world but Polypheme, And by myne eye that once was answerable Vnto that Sunne, but now's extinguished.

MEN.

He can see to sweare mee thinkes?

VIS.

I•• I but once lay hands vpon the slaue, That thus hath rob'd mee of my dearest tewell, Ile rend the Milcreant into a thousand peeces. And gnash his trembling members 'twixt my teeth, Drinking his liue-warme blood to satissie, The boyling thirst of paine and surio••snesse, That thus exasperates great Pol••pheme.

MEN.

'Pray thee Appetitus see how hee graspes for that hee would be loath to ••inde.

AP.

What's that? a stumbling block?

VIS,

T••ese hands, that wh••lom tote vp sturdy Oakes, And rent the rock that dasht out Acis braines, Both in the stole-blisse of my Galate••, Serue now (ô misery) to no better vse, But for bad guides to my vnskilfull feete. Neuer accustomed thus to be directed.

MEN.

As I am a rogue, hee wants nothing but a wheele, to make him the true picture of Fortune; how saist? what shall we play at blind-man-buffe with him?

AP.

I if thou wilt, but first ile trie whether he can see!

VIS.

Find me out Outis, search the rocks, and woods, The hil••es and dales, and all the Coast's adioyning. That I may haue him, and reuenge my wrong,

AP.

Visus mee thinkes your eyes are well enough.

VIS.

What's hee that calles mee Visus? do'st not know.

(They run about him, playing with him, and abusing him.)

AP.

To him Mendatio, to him, to h••n.

MEN.

There, there Appetitus, hee comes, he comes; ware wa••e, he comes, ha, ha, ha, ha,

(Visus stambles falles downe, and sits still,

ACT. 5. SCENE. 7.

MENDATIO. APPETITVS, TACTVS with a great black lack in his hand.

MEN:

Is this he that thinkes himselfe Hercules?

AP.

I, willt see mee out-swagger him?

MEN.

I do, do, I loue not to sport with such mad play-fel∣lowes; tickle him Appetitus, tickle him, tickle him.

Exit Mendatio

TAC.

Haue I not here the great and puissant Club, Where with I conquered three Chopt Cerberus.

APP.

Haue I not here the sharpe, and warlike teeth, That at one break-fast quaild thrice three hogg's faces?

TAC.

And are not these Alcides brawny armes, That rent the Lyons iawes and kill'd the boare?

AP.

And is not this the Stomacke that defeated Nyne yards of pudding, and a ranke of pyes?

TAC.

Did nor I crop the seauen-fold Hydras crest, And with a riuer clensed Augeas stable?

AP.

Did not I crush a seuen-fold Custards crust, And with my tongue, swept a well furnisht table?

TAC.

Did not these feete and hands oretake and slay, The nimble Stagge, and fierce impetuous bull?

AP.

Did not this throat at one good meale deuoure, That Stagges sweet venison, and that strong Bulls beefe?

TAC.

••hall Hercules be thus difparaged? I••no! you pouting. Queane, you low••ng trull? Take heede I take you not; for by Ioues thunder I le be reueng'd

(Appetitus drawes Visus backward from Tac••us.

AP.

Why Visus, Visus. will you be kill'd? away, away.

Exit Visus.

TAC.

Who haue we here, see, see the Giant Cacus, Drawes an Oxe backward to his theeuish den, Hath this deuise so long deluded mee? Monster of men Cacus restore my cattle, Or instantly Ile crush thy idle Cox-combe.

And dash thy doltish braines against thy Caue.

AP.

Cacus, I Cacus? ha, ha, ha. Tactus you mistake mee. I am yours to command. App••titus.

TAC.

Art Appetitus? Th'art so; run quickly villaine. Fetch a whole Oxe to satissie my stomacke.

AP.

Fetch an Alle to keepe you company.

TAC.

Then downe to Hell, tell Pluto Prince of Diuells, That great Al••••des want's a kitchen wench. To turne his spit, command h••m from my selfe! To send vp Proserpine shee'•• serue the turne.

AP.

I must finde you meate and the Diuell finde you cookes Which is the next way?

TAC.

Follow the beaten path thou canst not misse it Tis a wide Causie that conducteth thether, An easie tract and downe hill all the way, But ••f the blacke Prince will not send her quickly, But still detaine her for his bed-fellow, Tell him Ile drag him from his iron chayre, By the steele tres••es, and then sow him fast, With the three furies in a letherne bag. And thus will drowne them in the Ocean.

(he powres the Iack of beere vpon Appetitus)

AP.

You had better keepe him aliue to light Tobacco-pipes▪ or to sweepe chimneys.

TAC.

Act thou not gone, nay then ile send thy soule, Before thee, 'twill do thy message sooner (tiffe, tiffe.)

AP.

Hercules, Hercules, Hercules? do not you heare Omphal•••• Hearke how she calles you, hearke?

TAC.

Tis shee indeed I know her sug••ed voice? Omphale deare Command resse of my life My thoughts repose, sweet Center of my cares Where all my hopes, and best desires take rest. Lo! where the mighty Sonne of Iupiter Throwes himselfe Capture at your conquering feete Do not disdaine my voluntary humblenesse. Accept my seruice, blesse me with commanding, I will performe the hardest imposition And run through twelue newe labours for thy sake,

Omphale deare▪ ommandresse of my life.

APP.

Do you not see how she beckons to you to follow her? Looke how she 〈◊〉〈◊〉 her distaffe, looke you?

TAC.

Where is she gone, that I may follow her? Omphal•• stay, stay, take thy Hercules!

APP.

There there man, you are right.

Exit Tactus.

ACT. 5. SCENE. 8.

APPETITVS Solut.

APP.

What a strange temper are the Senses in? How come their witts thus topsie turme turn'd? Hercules Tactus, Visus Polypheme, Two goodly surnames haue they purchased: By the rare Ambrosian of an Oyste ••ie; They haue got such proud imaginatious, That I could wish I were mad for company: But since my fortunes cannot stretch so high, Ile rest contented with this wise estate.

ACT. 5. SCEN. 9.

APPETITVS. AVDITVS with a Candlestick.

APP.

What more anger? Auditus got abroad too.

AVD.

Take this abuse at base Olfactus hands? What did he challenge me to meete me here, And is not come? well Ile proclaime the slaue, The vilest dastard that ere broke his word; But stay yonder's Appetitus.

APP.

I pray you Auditus, what ailes you?

AVD.

Ha, ha!

APP.

What ailes you?

AVD.

Ha! what saist thou?

APP.

Who hath abus'd you thus?

AVD.

Why do'st thou whisper thus? Canst not speake out?

APP.

Sa••e me I had cleane forgotten; why are you so angry Auditus••

AV.

Bite vs, who dare bite vs?

AP.

I talke of no bitting, I say whats the matter betweene Olfactus and you?

AV.

Will Olsactus bite mee? do if he dares, would he would meete me here according to his promise: Mine eares are som∣what thicke of late, I pray thee speake out lowder.

AP.

Ha ha ha ha this is sine i'faith: ha, ha, ha. Heare you, haue you lost your eares at supper.

AV.

Excellent cheare at supper I confesse it: But when 'tis sawc'd with sowre contentions, And breeds such quarrells 'tis intollerable,

AP.

Pish, pish this is my question. Hath your supper spoild your hearing?

AV.

Hearing at supper, tell not me of hearing: But if thou saw'st Olfactus, bring mee to him.

AP,

I aske you whether you haue lost your hearing?

AV.

O dost thou heare them ring? what a griefe is this Thus to be deafe, and loose such harmony? Wretched Auditus nowe shalt thou neuer here The pleasing changes that a well tun'd Corde, Of trowling bells, will make, when they are true rung.

AP.

Heer's a do indeed, I thinke he is mad, as well as drunk or deafe.

AVD.

Ha. What's that.

AP.

I say you haue made me hoarse with speaking so loude.

AVD.

Ha, what say'st thou of a creaking Crou'd?

AP.

I am hoarce I tell you, and my head akes.

AV.

Oh I vnderstand thee! the first croud was made of a horse-head Tis true, the sinding of a dead horse-head, Was the first inuention of string instruments, Whence rose the Gitterme, Viall, and the Lute: Though others thinke the Lute was first deuis'd, In imitation of a Tortesse back Whose sinewes parched by Apollo's beames, Ecchoed about the concaue of the shell, And seeing the shortest and smallest gaue shrillest sound, They found out frets whole sweet diuersity (Well couched by the skill-full learned fingers)

Raiseth so strange a multitude of Cordes, Which their opinion many do con••irme, Because Testudo signifyes a Lute. But if I by no meanes.—

AP.

Nay if you begin to criticke once, wee shal neuer haue done.

(Exit Appctitus and carries away Auditus perforce

ACT. 5. SCEN. 10.

CRAPVLA a fat bellied slaue, clothed in a light vaile of Sarsnet, a Garland of vi••c-l••aues on his head. &c. SOMNVS in a man∣tle of blacke Cobwe••-laune, downe to the foote ouer a auskie co∣loured taffata Coate, and a Crowne of poppy tops on his head, a company of darke coloured silke scarfs in one hand, a Mace of Poppey in the other, leaning his head upon a pillow on Crapula's shoulders.

CRA.

Somnus, good Somnus, sweet Somnus, come a pace!

SOM.

Hei-oh, oh, are you sure they be so? oho, ho, oho, hei, waw?

What good can I do? ou, hoh, hawe.

CRA.

Why I tell you vnlesse you helpe

(Somnus fals downe and sleepes)

Soft sonne of night, right heyre to Quietnesse, Labours repose, lifes best restoratiue, Digestions carefull Nurse, blouds Comforter, Wi••s helpe, thoughts charme, the stay of Microcosme, Sweet Somnus cheefest enemy to Care: My dearest friend, liftvp thy lumpish head, Ope thy dull eyes, shake of this drowsines, Rowse vp thy selfe.

SOMNVS.

O Crapula, how now, how now, oh oh howe whose there?

Crapula speake quickly what's the matter?

CRA.

As I told you, the noble Senses peeres of Microcosme; Will eft soone fall to ruine perpetuall, Vnlesse your readie helping hand recure them: Lately they banqueted at Gustus table.

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And there fell madde, or drunke, I know not whether, So that it's doubtfull in these outragious fits, That the••e murther one another.

SOM.

Feare it not if they haue scapt already, Bring me to them, or them to me, I••e quickly make them know the power, Of my la••ge stretcht authoritie, These co••••es of sleepe wherewith I wont to bind, The strongest armes that ere resisted me, Shall be the meanes, whereby I will correct The Senses outrage, and distemperature.

CRA.

Thankes gentle Somnus, Ile go seeke them out, And bring then to you soone as possible.

SOM.

Dispatch it quickly, least I fall a sleep for want of worke.

CRA.

Stand still, stand still? Visus I thinke comes yonder. If you thinke good, begin and bind him first: For he made fast, the rest will soone be quiet.

Exit Crapula.

ACT. 5. SCEN. 11.

VISVS. SOMNVS.

VIS.

Sage Telemus, I now too late admire, Thy deepe fore-sight and skill in Prophecie, Who whilome toldst me, that in time to come Vlisses should depriue me of my sight. And now the slaue that marcht in Outis name, Is prou'd V••sses, and by this deuice, Hath scapt my hands, and fled away by Sea, Leauing me desolate in eternall night. Ah wretched Polypheme, where's all thy hope, And longing for thy beautious Galatea? Shee scornd thee once, but now she will detest, And loath to looke vpon thy darkned face: Aye me most miserable Polphemus. But as for 〈◊〉〈◊〉, heauen and earth Send vengeance euer on thy damned head. In iust re••enge of my great iniurie.

Somnus binds him.

Who is he that dares to touch me? Cyclops come?

Come all yee Cyclop's helpe to rescue me.

Somnus charmes him, he sl••••••es.

SOM.

There rest thy selfe and let thy quiet sleepe, Restore thy weake immaginations.

ACT. 5. SCEN. 12.

LINGVA, SOMNVS, VISVS.

LIN.

Ha, ha, ha: oh how my splene is tickled with this sporte. The madding Senses make about the woods, It cheeres my soule and makes my bodie fat: To laugh at their mischances, ha, ha▪ ha, ha, Heigh ho, the stitch hath caught me, oh my heart! Would I had one to hold my sides a while, That I might laugh a fresh: oh how they runne, And chafe, and sweare, and threaten one another,

(Somnus bind's her.

Ay me, out alas, ay me help, help, who's this that bind's me? Helpe Mendatio, Mendatio helpe, heres one will rauish me.

SOM.

Lingua content your selfe you must be bound.

LING.

What a spight's this? are my nailes par'd so neere? Can I not scratch his eies out? What haue I done? what? doe you meane to kill me? murder, murder, murder,

(she fall's a sleepe)

ACT. 5. SCEN. 13.

GVSTVS with a voiding knife in his hand, SOMNVS, LIN∣GVA, VISVS.

GVST.

Who cries out murder! What a woman slaine? My Ladie ••ing••a dead? oh Heauens iniust Can you behold this fact, this bloudie fact! And shower not fire vpon the murderer? Ah peerelesse Lingua mistresse of heauenly words, Sweete tongue of eloquence, the life of fame, Heart's dea••e enchauntresse▪ what disaster fates Haue reft this Iewell from our common-wealth. Gustus the rubie that adornes thy ringe,

Loe heere defect, how shalt thou lead thy daies, Wanting the sweete Companion of thy life. But in darke sorrowe and dull melancholie, But ••taie? whose this? inhumane wretch: Blou••-••hi••stie miscreant, is this thy handie worke? To kill a woman, a harmelesse Ladie? Villaine prepare thy selfe drawe, or ile sheath my faucheon in thy sides. There take the guerdon fit sor murderers.

Gustus offers to runne at Somnus but beeing sudd••nly charmed fall's a sleepe.

SOM.

Heer's such a stirre I neuer knewe the Senses in such disorder.

LING.

Ha, ha, ha; M••nd••cio, Mendicio? See how Visus hath broke his fore-head against the oake yonder, ha, ha, ha, ha.

SOM.

Howe now? Is not Lingu•• bound sufficientlie? I haue more trouble to make one wom in sleepe, then all the world be∣sides they be so full of tattle.

ACT. 5. SCEN. 14.

SOMNVS, CRAPVLA, (LINGVA, VISVS, GVSTVS,) A V∣DITVS, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 OLFACTVS by the nose, and OLFACTVS wringing AVDITVS by the eares.

AVD.

Oh mine eares, mine eares, mine eares.

OLF.

Oh my nose, my nose, my nose,

CRAP.

Leaue, leaue at length these base contentions, Olfac∣tus let him go?

OLF.

Let him first loose my nose?

CRAP.

Good ••u litus giue ouer?

AVD.

IIe haue his life that sought to kill mee.

SOM.

Come, come Ile end this quarrell, bind him Crapula!

They binde them both.

ACT. 5. SCEN. 15.

TACTVS, with the robe in his hand, SOMNVS, CRAPVLA, LINGVA, GVSTVS, OLFACTVS, VISVS, AVDITVS.

TAC.

Thankes Dei••neira for thy kind remembrance, Tis a faire shirt Ile weare it for thy sake.

CRAP.

Somnus heer's 〈◊〉〈◊〉 worse then all his sellowes Stay but a while and you shall see him rage!

SOM.

What will he do? see that hee scapes vs not!

TACT.

Tis a good shirt, it fitt's me passing well, Tis verie warme indeede, but whats the matter. Me thinkes I am some-what hotter then I was, My heart beates faster then twas wont to do My braines enflamed, my temples ake extreamely, oh, oh, Oh what a wild-fire creepes amonge my bowells: A••tna's with in my breast, my marrowe f••ies, And ••unes about my bones, oh my sides: My sides, my raines, my head my raines, my head; My heart, my heart, my liuer, my liuer, oh, I burne, I burne, I burne oh how I burne: With scorching heate of implacable fire, I burne extreame with flames vnsufferable,

SOM.

Sure he doth but trie how to act Her••ules:

TACT.

Is it this shirt that boiles me thus? oh heauens, It fires me worse, and heates more furiously Then loues dire thunderbolts; oh miserable, They bide lesse paine that bathe in Phlegeton; Could not the triple kingdome of the world, Heauen, earth and hell destroie great Hercul••? Could not the damned sprights of hatefull Inno? Nor the great daungers of my labours kill me? Am I the mighty sonne of inp••••er? And shall this poisned linnen thus consume me? Shall I be burnt? villaines s••ie vp to heauen, Bid 〈◊〉〈◊〉 m••ster vp a troupe of cloudes, And shower downe cata••acts of raine to coole me? Or elce Ile breake her speckled bo••e in peeces?

Will ••••e not? no she hates mee like her mistris; Why then descend you roagues to the vile deepe, F••••ch. 〈◊〉〈◊〉 hether charge him bring the sea, To quenc•• these flames, or else the worlds faire frame: Wilbe in greater danger to be burnt, Then when proud Phaeton ruld the Sunnes rich Chariot.

SOM

Ile take that care the world shall not be burnt: If Somnus cords can hold you.

Somnus binds hi••.

TACT.

What Vulcan's this that offers to inchaine, A greater souldier then the God of Mars.

SOM.

He that each night with bloudlesse battell conquers, The proudest conquerour that triumphs by warrs:

CRA.

Now Somnus there's but onely one remayning, That was the author of these outrages.

SOM.

Who's that? is he vnder my Command?

CRA.

Yes, yes, yes, tis Appetitus; if you go that way, and looke about those thickets, ile go hither, and search this groue, I doubt not but to finde him?

SOM.

Content.

Exeunt Somnus, et Crapula.

ACT. 5. SCEN. 16.

APPETITVS, IRRASCIBILIS, with a willowe in his hand pul'd vp by the rootes. SOMNVS, CRAPVLA.

The Senses all a sleepe.

APP.

So now's the time that I would gladly meete, These madding Senses that abus'd mee thus; What? haunt me like an owle? make an Asse of me? No they shall know, ••I scorne to serue such masters, As cannot master their affections, Their iniurie•• haue chang'd my nature, Now I ••le be no more called hungry parasite: But he••ceforth answere to the wrathfull name Of angry Appetite, my choller's vp: 〈◊〉〈◊〉 coole me quickly with thy fanne, Ore••ce I le cut thy cheekes, why this is braue: Fa••••e better then to faune at Gustus table,

For a few scrappes, no, no, such words as these, By Pluto stabbe the villaine, kill the slaue: By the infernall hagges, Ile hough the rogue, And paunch the rascall that abusd me thus, Such words as these fitte angry Appetite.

Enter CRAPVLA.

CRA.

Somnus, Somnus, come hether, come hether quickly, hee's here, hee's here.

APP.

I marry is he sirra, what of that? base miscreant Cra•• pula.

CRA.

O gentle Appetitus.

APP.

You muddy gulche, darst looke me in the face, while mine eyes sparkle, with reuengfull fire? (tiff, toff, tiff, toff,)

CRA.

Good Appetitus.

APP.

Peace you fat bawson, peace, (tiff, toff, tiff, toff,) Seest not this fatall engine of my wrath? Villaine Ile maule thee for thine old offences, And grinde thy bones to powder with this pestle: You when I had no weapons to defend me, Could beate me out of dores; but now prepare, Make thy selfe ready, for thou shalt not scape. Thus doth the great reuengefull Appetite, Vpon his fatte foe, wreake his wrathfull spite.

APPETITVS heaueth vp his club to braine CRAPVLA, but SOMNVS in the meane. time, catcheth him behind and binds him?

SOM.

Why how now Crapula?

CRA.

Am I not dead? is not my soule departed?

SOM.

No, no, see where he lyes, that would haue ••iurt thee? feare nothing?

SOM••••S laies the Senses all in a circle, feele to feete, and wa••ts his wand ouer them,

So rest you all in silent quietnesse, Let nothing wake you till the power of sleepe, With his sweete dew, cooling your braines inflamed, Hath rectified the vaine and idle thoughts, Bred by your surfet, and distemperature: Loe here the Senses late outragious, All in a round together sleepe like friends,

For there's no difference twixt the King and Clowne, The poore and rich, the beautious and deformed, Wrapt in the vaile of night, and bonds of sleepe, Without whose powre, and sweete dominion, Our life were Hell, and pleasure painfulnesse, The sting of enuie, and the dart of loue, A••arice talons, and the fire of hate: Would poison, wound, distract, and soone consume, The heart, the liuer life and minde of man; The 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Mower, that with ••rawnie armes, Wi••••deth the crooked sithe, in many a swathe, Cutting the flowrie pride on the veluet plaine, Lies downe at night, and in the weaty folds Of his wiues armes, forgets his labour past, The painfull Marriner, and carefull Smith, The toyling Plowman, all Artificers, Most humbly yceld to my dominion, Without due rest, nothing is durable. Loe thus doth Somnus conquer all the world With his most awfull waud, and halfe the yeare Raignes ouer the best and proudest Emperours. Onely the nurslings of the Sisters nine, Rebels against me scorne my great command: And when darke night from her bedewy wings, Drops sleepie silence to the eyes of all, They onely wake, and with vnwearied toile, Labour to finde the Via lac••ea, That leads to the heauen of immortallitie, And by the loftie to towring of their minde, Fledgd with the feathers of a learned muse, They raise themselues vnto the highest pitch, Marrying base earth and heauen in a thought; But thus I punish their rebellion, Their industrie was neuer yet rewarded, Better to sleepe then wake, and toile for nothing.

Exeunt Somnus & Crapula.

ACTVS. 5. SCENA. 17.

The ••iue Senses, LINGVA, APPETITVS, all a sleepe, and dreaming, PHANTASTES, HEVRESIS.

AVD.

So' ho Rocwood, so ho Rocwood, Rocwood, your Or∣gan, hay Chanter, Chanter, by 〈◊〉〈◊〉 hed-tyre it's a very deepe mouth'd dogge, a most admirable crie of hounds, looke here, againe, againe, there, there, ah wa••e counter.

VIS.

Do you see the full Moone yonder, and not the man in it, why me thinkes 'tis too, too euident, I see his dogge very plaine, and looke you, iust vnder his taile is a Thorne bush of Furres.

GVS.

'Twill make a fine tooth-pick: that Larkes heele there, ô do not burne it.

PHA.

Boy, Heuresis, what think'st thou I thinke, when I thinke nothing?

HEV.

And it please you sir, I thinke you are deuising how to answer a man that askes you nothing.

PHA.

Well gest boy, but yet thou mistookst it, for I was thinking of the constancie of women,

(Ap••titus snoares alowd.

Beware sirra, take heede, I doubt me there's some wild Boare lodged here about? how now? mee thinkes these be the Sen∣ses, ha? in my conceit the elder brother of death has kist them.

TAC.

Oh, oh, oh, I am stabd, I am stab'd, holde your hand, oh, oh, oh.

PHA.

How now? doe they talke in their sleepe? are they not awake Heuresis?

HEV.

No questionlesse, they be all fast a sleepe.

GVST.

Eate not too many of those Apples, they bee very sl••tiue?

OLF.

Foh, foh, beate out this Dogge heare, foh, was it you Appetitus?

AVD.

In faith it was most sweetly winded, whosoeuer it was, the warble is very good, and the horne is excellent?

TAC.

Put on man, put on, keepe your head warme, 'tis cold.

PHA.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, st, Heuresis, stirre not sirra.

App.

Shut the doore, the potte runnes ouer, sirra Cooke that will be a sweete Pastie, if you nibble the venison so?

GVST.

Say you so, is a Marrow Pye the Helena of meates? giue meet, if I playe not Paris hang mee, Boye a cleane Trencher?

APP.

Serue vp, serue vp, this is a fatte Rabbet, would I might haue the maiden-head of it, come giue me the ••ish there, who hath medled with these maides? ha?

OLE.

Fie, shut your Snuffers doser for shame, 'tis the worst smell that can be.

TAC.

O the crampe, the crampe, the crampe, my legge, my legge.

LING.

I must abroad presently, reach mee my best Neck∣lace

presently.

PHA.

Ah Lingua are you there?

AVD.

Here take this Rope, and Ile helpe the leader close with the second Bell: Fie, fie, there is a goodly peale cleane spoilde.

VIS.

Ile lay my life that Gentlewoman is painted: well. well I know it, marke but her nose, doe you not see the complection crack out, I must confesse 'tis a good picture.

TAC.

Ha, ha, ha, fie, I pray you leaue, you tickle me so, oh, ah, ha, ha, take away your hands I cannot indure, ah you tickle me, ah, ha, ha, ha, ah.

VIS.

Hai, rett, rett, rett, now bird, now,—looke about that bush, she trust her thereabout,—here she is, ware wing Cater, ware wing, auaunt.

LING.

Mum, mum, mum, mum.

PHA.

st, sirra take heede you wake her not.

HEV.

I knowe sir shee is fast a sleepe, for her mouth is shutte.

LING.

This 'tis, to venture vpon such vncertainties, to loose so rich a Crowne to no end, well, well.

PHA.

Ha, ha, ha, wee shall here auon, where shee lost her

maiden-head, st, boy, my Lord Vicegerent, and Maister Regi∣ster are hard by, runne quickly, tell them of this accident, wish them come softly.

Exit Heuresis.

LING.

Mendatio neuer talke farther, I doubt'tis past re∣couery, and my Robe likewise, I shall neuer haue them againe, well, well.

PHA.

How? her Crowne, and her Roabe, neuer recouer them? hum, wast not said to bee left by Memory? ha? I con∣iecture here's some knauery-fast lockt with sleepe, in good faith. Was that Crowne and Garment yours L••ngua?

LING.

I marry were they, and that some body hath felt, and shall feele more, if I liue.

PHA.

O strange, she answers in her sleepe to my question, but how come the Senses to striue for it?

LING

Why, I laide vpon purpose in their way, that they might fall together by the eares.

PHA.

What a strange thing is this?

ACT. 5. SCENA. 18.

The Senses, APPETITVS and LINGVA a sleepe. PHANTASTES. COMV. SENSVS. MEMORIA. ANAMNESTES.

PHA

st, my Lord, softly, softly, here's the notablest peece of treason discouered, how say you Lingu. set all the Senses at ods, she hath confest it to me in her sleepe.

COM SEN.

Ist possible Maister Register? did you euer know any talke in their sleepe?

MEM.

I remember my Lord many haue done so very oft, but women are troubled, especially with this talking disease, many of them haue I heard answer in their dreames, and tell what they did all day awake.

ANAM.

By the same token, there was a wanton maide, that being askt by her Mother, what such a one did with her so late one night in such a roome, she presently said, that—

MEM.

Peace you vilde rake hell, is such a iest fitte for this company, no more I say sirra.

PHA.

My Lord will you belieue your owne eares, you shall heare her answere me, as directly and truely as my be. Lingua, what did you with the Crowne and garments.

LING.

Ile tell thee Mendac••••.

PHA.

Shee thinkes Mendacio speakes to her, marke nowe, marke howe truely shee will answere: what say you Ma∣dame?

LING.

I say Phantastes is a foolish transparent gull; a meere fanatick nupson in my immagination not worthie to ••it as a Iud∣ges assistant.

COM. SEN.

Ha, ha, ha, howe truely and directly shee an∣sweres.

PHA.

Faw, faw, she dreames now she knowes not what shee saies, I trie her once againe: Madame? what remedie can you haue for your greate losses?

LING.

O are you come Acrasia? welcome, welcome, boy reach a Cushion sit downe good 〈◊〉〈◊〉? I am so beholding to you, your potion wrought exceedinglie, the senses were so mad, did not you see how they raged about the woods?

COM. SEN.

Hum, Acra••••••? is Acrasia her confederate? my life that witch hath wrought some villany,—

Linguariseth in her sleepe, and wa••keth.

how's this? is shee a sleepe? haue you seene one walke thus before?

MEM.

It is a very common thinge, I haue seene many sicke of the Peripatetick disease.

ANA.

By the same token my Lord, I knewe one that went abroad in his sleepe, bent his bowe, shot at a Magpie, kild her, fetcht his arrowe, came home, lockt the doores, and went to bed againe.

COM. SEN.

What should be the reason of it?

MEM.

I remember 〈◊〉〈◊〉 told mee the reason once, as I thinke thus: The nerues that carrie the mouing faculty, from the braines, to the thighes, legges, feete, and armes, are wider farre then the other nerues, wher••ore they are not so easily stopt with the vapours of sleepe, but are night and daie ready to per∣forme what fancy shall command them.

COM. SEN.

It may bee so, but Phantastes enquire more of Acrasia.

PHA.

What did you with the potion Acrasia made you:

LIN.

Gaue it to the Senses, and made them as madde as—well, If I cannot recouer it—let it goe, Ile not leaue them thus.

She lies downe againe.

COM. SEN.

Boy a wake the Senses there.

AN.

Hoe, hoe, Auditus, vp, vp, so hoe, Olfactus haue at your nose, vp Visus, Gustus, Tactus, vp: What can you not feele a pinch? haue at you with a pinne.

TAC.

Oh, you stab me, oh,

COM SEN.

Tactus, know you how you came hither:

TAC.

No my Lord, not I, this I remember, We sup't with Gustus, and had wine good store, Where of I thinke I tasted liberally. Amongst the rest, wee drunke a composition, Of a most dellicate, and pleasant rellish, That made our braynes, somewhat irregular.

ACT. 5, SCEN. 19.

The Senses awake, LINGVA asleepe, COMMVNIS SINSVS MEMORY, PHANTASTES, ANAMNESTES, HEV∣RESIS ••rawing CRAPVLA.

HEV.

My Lord, here's a fat rascall was lurking in a bushe very suspitiously, his name he sayes is Crapula.

COM. SEN.

Sirrah, speake quickly what you knowe of these troubles,

CRA,

Nothing my Lord, but that the Senses were madde, and that Somnus at my request layd them asleepe, in hope to recouer them.

COM. SE.

Why then tis too euident, Acrasia at Lingua's re∣quest, bewitcht the Senses, wake her quickly Heuresis.

LIN.

Heigh ho, out alas, aye mee, where am I? how came I here? where am I? ah.

COM. SEN.

Li••gua looke not so strangely vpon the mat∣ter, you haue confest in your sleepe, that with a Crowne, and a Roabe, you haue disturb'd t••e Senses, vsing a crafty helpe to enrage them, can you deny it?

LIN.

Aye mee, most miserable wretch, I beseech your Lordship forgiue me.

COM, SEN

No, no, tis a fault vnpardonable,

(He consults with Memory)

PHAN.

In my conceipt Lingua, you should seale vp your lippes, when you go to bed, these Feminine tongues be so glibbe.

COM. SEN.

Visus, Tactus, and the rest, our former sentence concerning you, wee confirme as irreuocable, and establish the Crowne to you Visus, and the Roabe to you Tactus, but as for you Lingua—

LIN.

Let mee haue mine owne, howsoeuer you determine, I beseech you.

COM. SEN.

That may not bee, your goods are fallen into our hands, my sentence cannot bee recall'd, you may see, those that seeke what is not theirs, oftentimes loose what's their owne: Therefore Lingua graunting you your life, I commit you to close prison, in Gustus his house, and charge you Gustus, to keepe her vnder the custody of two strong doores, and euery day till she come to 80. yeares of age, see she be well garded with 30. tall watchmen, without whose licence shee shall by no meanes wagge abroad, neuerthelesse vse her Lady-like, according to her estate.

PHAN.

I pray you my Lord adde this to the iudgement that whensoeuer she obtayneth licence to walke abroad, in token the Tongue was the cause of her offence, let her weare a veluet hood, made iust in the fashion of a great Tongue, in my conceit 'tis a verye pritty Embleme of a Woman,

TAC.

My Lord, shee hath a vild boy to her page, a cheefe agent in this treason, his name's Mendatio.

COM. SEN.

Ha? well, I will inflict this punishment on him for this time, let him be soundly whipt, and euer after though

he shall strengthen his speeches with the sinewes of Truth, yet none shall beleeue him.

PHA.

In my imagination my Lord, the Day is dead to the great toe, and in my conceit it growes darke, by which I con∣iecture it will be cold, and therefore in my fa••cie, and opinion, 'tis best to repaire to our lodgings.

Exeunt omnes, praeter Anamnestes & Appetitus.

ACTVS. 5. SCENA. 20.

ANAMNESTES, APPETITVS a sleepe in a corner.

ANA.

What's this? a fellow whispering so closely with the Earth? so, ho, so, ho: Appetitus? faith now I thinke Morpheus himselfe hath beene here, vp with a poxe to you, vp you luske, I haue such newes to tell thee sirta: all the Senses are well, and Lingua is proued guilty, vp, vp, vp, I neuer knew him so fast a sleepe in my life.

(Appetitus snorts.)

Nay then haue at you a fresh, (tiff, toff, tiff, toff.)

APP.

Iogge me once againe, and Ile throw this whole messe of pottage in your face, cannot one stand quiet at the dresser for you?

ANA.

Ha, ha, ha, I thinke it's impossible for him to sleepe longer then hee dreames of his victuals. What Appetitus, vp quickly, quickly vp, Appetitus, quickly sirra, (toff, toff, toff, toff,)

APP.

Ile come presently, but I hope youle stay till they bee roasted, will you eate them rawe?

ANA.

Rosted? ha, ha, ha, ha, vp, vp, vp, away,

APP.

Reach the sauce quickly, here's no Sugar, whaw, wam, oh, ou, oh.

ANA.

What neuer wake? (Tiffe, toff, tiff, toff,) wilt neuer be? Then I must trie another way I see.

Epilogus.

IVdicious friends, it is so late at night, I cannot waken hungrie Appetite: Then since the cloase vpon his rising stands, Let me obtaine this at your courteous hands, Trie if the friendly opportunitie, Of your good will, and gra••ious Plauditie, With the thrice welcome mumure it shall keepe, Can begge this prisoner from the bands of sleepe.

Vpon the Plaudite, APPETITVS awakes, and runnes in after ANAMNESTES.

FINIS.