5. A Lecture of a Countrey Farmers wife, being a shrew to her husband, for be∣ing late abroad at night: and thus she begins.
VVHat, good man Clowne, doe you thinke to make me still your drudge to sit up late, Page 29 and rise thus early every day, to worke like a horse, and you to ride a hunting, gentleman-like, every morning, and none but I left at home to look after your horses in the stable, your kine in the field, your swine in the yard, your poultry about the house, your cramming of your Capons, your brewing and your ba∣king: you a Husband? you a Coxecombe; a meere Lubby, a Moone-Calfe, one that hath more haire than wit: I am sure you were never brought up to take your pleasure Page 30 in this manner, I know that: you were brought up at the plough and the Cart, and to cry Hy, Gee, Ho: out you browne bread crust, you know not how to use a woman as you ought; you know better how to Cart a wo∣man, than to Court a woman: Goe to, thou thou art an Asse, I am a∣shamed of thee when wee are abroad together in a∣ny company; how thou standst a tip-toe to drinke to a Gentlewoman, with your hat in your hand, and makes such a scraping legge, that the print of Page 31 thy Hob-nailes is in the Boord where thou stoodst, as if a horse had beene beating his hoofes, the scratches are so plain∣ly seene: I never saw one more resemble a fellow they call the Lord of Portsmouth, that hath a party coloured Coat, than thou; if any one did see you but stand together, they would take you for brothers, you are so alike: thy gray eyes shew that thouart a greedy gut; Francis is your name, doe you remember how you fild your Guts so full of Furmatry that day you Page 32 were marryed that you were ready to bust again, and how the company were glad to cut the poynts of your britches, and to bathe your belly against the fire with Ca∣pous grease, or else you had burst in sunder; and now you are mocked e∣ver since with the name ver since with the name of Francis Fil-gut Furmitry. Sure I was betwatled when thou camst a woing to me, that I should love thee, for I see since that thou hadst no humanity or breeding in thee, but downe right, as plaine as Page 33Dunstable High way; for all thy Discourse, I still re∣member, was nothing but of thy Teame of Horse, and thy Hogges, Calves, Geese, and other poultry ware; and in the conclusi∣on, said, you were glad of the fine season of the year: Oh it was brave weather for your Fathers Lambes: neither canst thou reade one letter in any booke: thy Horses are better Schollers than thou art, for they understand G and O: Goe, thou art a block∣head, a Dunce, a Dullard, and canst understand no∣thing: I will make you Page 34 hereafter learne to reade in your Horne-booke, so I will: I was told since I was marryed that when you were a little one, that your Mother sung Loub∣by to you, and ever since you have beene an unto∣ward Vrchin. Out you Slabber Choppes, goe trudge with thy fellow Hob, and drive the Cart; Thou art a course Clown, a meere Coridon, thou art not able at any time to say boo to a Goose, un∣lesse it be to a bowle of pottage that holds a Gal∣lon; and a Barly bagge pudding of a yard long, Page 35 and some Bull Beefe, there I confesse thou wilt, and canst shew thy selfe a man: thou art good at nothing else, unlesse to play before the Beares with a Taber and Pipe: I see that Egge and bird thou wilt never be the better, but still lye roving up and downe from Ale-house to Ale∣house, and then to come home at this time of night, and so late as it is, which thou mightst bee a∣shamed of: I doe mar∣vaile how you found out the way, for you are not able to stand, nor looke up with your eyes, Page 36 nor yet speake a ready word for lisping and clipping the Kings Eng∣lish: I see your horse had more wit than you, you may thanke him, or else you had never found the way home; hee can tell when he has enough, but you, you drunken sot, you pisse-pot, know not when you have sufficient; thus to come home reeling & staggering, it is a shame for you, it were a good deede to shut you out of doores all night, and make you coole your Heeles, now your brains are so hot: out you Page 37 Dosser head, shallow∣braind companion: In the morning then you cannot rise, then your head akes, and are sicke, and are untoward to doe, or goe about any thing; then you promise never to drinke so much a∣gaine: Then you say, Wife give mee a little Whay to coole my sto∣macke, of else intreat mee to make you a pos∣set; but yfaith you shal lie long enough before I will pitty you, or be∣fore you have have thing from mee: I would that the next time thou Page 38 drinkest in this manner, and stayest out so late, that thou mighest meete Will with a Wispe, or some Fire-Drake or o∣ther, to leade thee o∣ver Bushes and Bryers, Ditches and Watry pla∣ces, that you may bee so hampered by such fu∣ries, that yon may here∣after take warning for beeing from home so late.