An arrant thiefe, vvhom euery man may trust in vvord and deed, exceeding true and iust. With a comparison betweene a thiefe and a booke. Written by Iohn Taylor.

A THIEFE.

I Lately to the world did send a * 1.1 Whore And she was welcom, though she was but poore And being so, it did most strange appeere That pouerty found any welcome heere, But when I saw that many Rich men sought, My Whore, & with their coine her freedom bought I mus'd, but as the cause I out did ferrit •• found some Rich in Purse, some poore in merrit Some learned Schollers, some that scarse could spell: Yet all did loue an honest Whore, right well, Twas onely such as those that entertaind hir, Whilst scornful Knaues, & wides Fooles disdaind hir. Now to defend her harmels Innocence, I send this Thiefe to be her Iust defence: Against all truemen, and ile vndertake There are not many that dare answer make. Then Rowze my Muse, be valiant, and be briefe, Be confident my true and constant Thiefe: Thy Trade is scatt'red, vniuersally, Throughout the spacious worlds Rotundity,

For all estates and functions great and small, Are for the most part Thieues ingenerall. Excepting Millers, Weauers, Taylers, and Such true trades as no stealing vnderstand. Thou art a Thiefe (my Booke) and being so Thou findst thy fellowes wheresoeu'r thou goe, Birds of a feather still will hold together And all the world with thee are of a feather: The ods is, thou art a Thiefe by nomination, And most of men are Thieues in their vocation. Thou neither dost cog, Cheate, steale sweare or lye Or gather'st goods by false dishonesty, And thou shalt liue when many of the Crue Shall in a Halter bid the world Adue. And now a thought into my minde doth fall To proue whence Thieues haue their originall: I finde that Iupiter did wantonly On Maya get a sonne call'd Mercurye, To whom the people oft did Sacrifice, Accounting him the God of Marchandize: Of Elloquence, and rare inuention sharpe, And that he first of all deuisd the Harpe. The God of Tumblers, Iuglers, fooles & Iesters, Of Thieues, and fidlers that the earth bepesters, Faire Venus was his Sister, and I finde He was to her so much vnkindely kinde, That hee on her begat Hermophrodite As Ouid very wittily doth write: His wings on head and heeles true Emblems bee How quick he can inuent, how quickly ••lee:

By him are Thieues inspirde, and from his guift They plot to steale and run away most swift: In their conceites and sleights, no men are sharper, Each one as nimble finger'd as a Harper. Thus Thieuing is not altogether Base But is descended from a lofty Race. Moreouer euery man, himselfe doth showe To be the Sonne of Addam, for we knowe He stole the Fruite, and euer since his Se••de, To steale from one another haue agreede. Our Infancy is Theft, tis manyfest We crie and Rob our Parents of their Rest: Our Childe-hood Robs vs of our Infancy, And youth doth steale our childe-hood wantonly: Then Man-hood pilfers all our youth away, And middle-age, our Manhood doth conuay Vnto the Thieuing hands of feeble age, Thus are we all Thieues, all our Pilgrimage, In all which progresse, many times by stealth Strange sicknesses doth Rob vs of our health. Rage steales our Reason, Enuy thinkes it fit To steale our Loue, whilst Folly steales our wit. Pride filcheth from vs our Humillity, And Leachery doth steale our honesty, Base Auarice, our Conscience doth purloin, Whilst sloath to steale our mindes from work doth Ioyne Time steales vpon vs, whilst we take small care, And makes vs olde before we be a ware: Sleepe and his brother Death conspire our fall The one steales halfe our liues, the other all.

Thus are we Robb'd by Morpheus, and by Mors Till in the end, each Corps is but a Coarse, Note but the seasons of the yeare, and see How they like Thieues to one another be From Winters frozen face, through snow & showers The Spring doth steale roots, plāts, buds & flowers, Then Sommer Robs the Spring of natures sute, And haruest Robs the Sommer of his fruite, Then Winter comes againe, and he bereaues The Haruest of the Grayne, and Trees of Leaues, And thus these seasons Robs each other still Round in their course, like Horses in a mill. The Elements, Earth, VVater, Ayre, and Fire To rob each other daily doe Conspire: The fiery Sun from th'ocean, and each Riuer Exhales their Waters, which they all deliuer: This water, into Clowdes the Ayre doth steale Where it doth vnto Snow or Haile Conicale, Vntill at last Earth Robs the Ayre againe Of his stolne Treasure Haile, sleete, snow or Raine. Thus be it hot or cold, or dry, or wet, These Thieues, from one another steale and get. Night Robs vs of the day, and day of Night: Light pilfers darknes, and the darknes light. Thus life, death, seasons, and the Elements And day & Night, for Thieues are presidents. Two Arrant Thieues we euer beare about vs The one within, the other is without vs, All that we get by toyle, or Industry Our Backs and Bellies steale continually,

For though men labour with much care & Carke, Lie with the Lamb downe, rise vp with the Lark. ••weare and forsweare, deceaue, and lie and Cog, And haue a Conscience worse then any Dog, ••e most vngracious, extreame vile and base, And (so he gaine) not caring for disgrace: Let such a Man or Woman count their gaines They haue but meat, & Rayment for their paines. No more haue they that do liue honestest Those that can say their Consciences are best, Their Bellies and their Backs, day, night and hower, The fruites of all their labours do deuower: These Thieues do rob vs, with our owne good will, And haue dame natures warrant for it still, ••omtimes these Sharks do work each others wrack The Rauening Belly, often Robs the Back: Will feed like Diues, with Quaile, Raile, & Pheasant And be attir'd all tatter'd like a Peasant, ••ometimes the gawdy Back, Mans Belly pines, ••or which he often with Duke Humphrey dines: ••he whilst the minde defends this hungry stealth And sayes a temp'rate dyet mainetaines health, ••et Corland crie, let Guts with famine mourne, The maw's vnseene, good outsides must be worne, Thus do these Thieues Rob vs, and in this pother The minde consents, and then they Rob each other: Our Knowledge and our Learning (oft by chance) Doth steale and Rob vs of our Ignorance: Yet Ignorance may sometimes gaine promotion Where it is held the Mother of deuotion)

But knowledge ioynd with learning, are poor things That many times a man to begg'ry brings: And fortune very oft doth Iustly fit Some to haue all the wealth, some all the wit. Tobacco Robs some men, if so it list It steales their Coyne (as Thieues do) in a Mist: Some men to Rob the Pot will neu'r refraine Vntill the Pot Rob them of all againe, A prodigall can steale exceeding Briefe, Picks his owne purse, and is his owne deare Thiefe: And thus within vs, and without vs we Are Thieues, and by Thieues alwayes pillagde be. First then vnto the greatest Thieues of all Whose Thecu'ry is most high and Capitall: You that for pomp, and Titles transitory Rob your Almighty maker of his Glory, And giue the Honour due to him alone Vnto a Carued block, a stock or stone, An Image, a Similytude, or feature Of Angell, Saint, or Man, or any creature, To Alters, Lamps, to Holly Bread, or Waters, To shrines, or tapers, or such Iugling matters, To Relliques, of the dead, or of the liuing This is the most supreamest kind of Theiuing. Besides they all commit this Fellonie That breake the Saboath day malliciouslie, God giues vs sixe dayes and himselfe hath one, Wherein he would (with thanks) be calld vpon: And those that steale that day to bad abuses, Robs God of Honour, without all excuses:

Vnto these Thieues, my Thiefe doth plainely tell That though they hang not here, they shall in Hell ••xcept Repentance, (and vnworthy Guerdon ••hrough our Redemers merits) gaine their pardon. ••hen Ther's a Crew of Thieues that prie and lu••ch ••nd steale and share the liuings of the Church; ••hese are Hells factors, Marchants of all Euill, ••obs God of Soules, and giue them to the Deuill. ••or where the Tythe of many a Parish may ••llowe a good sufficient Preacher paye, ••et Hellish pride, or lust, or Auarice, ••r one or other fowle licentious Vice, ••obs Learning Robs the people of their teaching who in seauen yeares perhaps doth heare no prea∣ching When as the Parsonage by accounts is found ••earely worth two, 3. or 4. hundred pound, ••et are those Soules seru'd, or else staru'd I feare ••ith a poore Reader * 1.2 for eight poundes a yeare. Preacher breakes to vs the Heau'nly Bread ••hereby our straying Soules are taught and fed: ••nd for this heau'nly worke of his, 't is sence ••hat men allow him earthly Recompence. •• shall he giue vs foode that's spirituall ••nd not haue meanes to feede him Corporall? 〈◊〉〈◊〉; (of all men) tis most manifest, ••ainefull Churchman earnes his wages best. ••••ose that keepe back the Tythes, I tell them true 〈◊〉〈◊〉 arrant Thieues in Robbing God, of'is due: 〈◊〉〈◊〉 he that robs Gods church ('t encrese their pelse) ••is most apparent, they Rob God himselfe.

The Patron oft deales with his Minister As Dionisius did with * 1.3 Iupiter He stole his Golden Cloake, and put on him A Coate of Cotton, (nothing neere so trim) And to excuse his theft, he said the Gold was (to be worne) in Winter time, too Cold, But in the Summer, twas too hot and heauy, And so some Patrones vse the Tribe of Leuy: That for the Winters cold, or Summers heate, They are so pold, they scarse haue cloathes & meat. Amongst the rest, there may some pastors be, Who enter in through cursed Simonie: But all such are notorious Thieues therefore They climb the wall, & not com through the * 1.4 dore, Thus Menelaus did the Priesthood win From Iason by this simonayck sinn, For he did pay three hundred Tallents more Then Iason would (or could) disburse therefore. And many a mitred Pope and Cardinall This way haue got their State Pontificall: These Rob and steale, (for which all good Men grieu•••• And make the House of Praier, a den of Thieues. But though the Hangman, heere they can outface Yet they shall all hang in a worser place. Then there are Thieues who make the Church their gaines VVho can Preach wel, yet will not take the paines: Dumb dogs, or rau'ning wolues, whose careles care Doth fat themselues, & keep their flocks most bare. Besides Churchwardens, with a griping Fist Like Thieues may Rob their Vestry, if they list.

The Poores neglector (O I pardon craue) Collector I should say, may play the Knaue, The Thiefe I would haue said, but chuse you whether He may be both, and so he may be neither. So leauing Church-Thieues, with their cursed stealth, He now descend vnto the Common-wealth. And yet me thinkes I should not passe the Court, But sure Thieues dare not thither to resort. But of all Thieues in any Kings Dominion, A Flatterer is a Cutpurse of opinion, That like a Pick-pocket, doth lye and wayte, To steale himselfe into a mans conceit. This Thiefe will often dawbe a great mans vice, Or rate his Vertue at too lowe a price, Or at too high a pitch his worth will raise, To fill his eares with flatt'ry any wayes. ••urueyors, and Purueyors, now and then May steale, and yet be counted honest men. When men doe for their liuing labour true, ••e's a base Thiefe that payes them not their due. They are all Thieues, that liue vpon the fruites Of Monnopollies if vngodly Suites. ••he Iudge or Iustice that doe Bribes desire Like Thieues, deserue a halter for their hire. •• Reuerend Father, worthy of beleeuing, ••aid taking bribes was Gentleman like Thieuing. •• Marchant now and then his goods may bring, And steale the Custome, and so rob the King. Thieues they are all, that scrape and gather treasures, By Wares deceitfull, or false weights or measures.

That Landlord is a Thiefe that rackes his Rents, And mount the price of rotten Tenements, Almost vnto a damned double Rate, And such a Thiefe as that * 1.5, my selfe had late. A paire of Louers, are starke Thieues, for they Doe kindely steale each others hearts away. Extortioners, I Thieues may truely call, Who take more Int'rest, then the principall. Executors, and Ouer-seers Thieuing, Haue often wrong'd the Dead, and Rob'd the liuin•• All those within the ranke of Thieues must bee, That trust their Wares out from 3. monthes to thre•• And makes their Debtors thrice the worth to pay, Because they trust them, these are Thieues I say, That doe sell Time, which vnto God belongs, And begger whō they trust most, with these wron•• He is a Thiefe, and basely doth purloyne, Who borroweth of his neighbours goods, or Coyn•• And can, but will no satisfaction giue, These are the most notorious Thieues that liue, Vpon such Thieues (if Law the same allow'd) A hanging were exceeding well bestow'd. A Farmer is a Thiefe, that hoards vp Graine In hope of Dearth, by either Drouth or Raine, He steales Gods treasures, and doth quite forget, That ouer them hee's but a Steward set, And for his Rob'ry he deserues to weare A riding Knot an Inch below his Eare. Of Drinking Thieues exceeding store there are, That steale themselues Drunke e're they be aware

These are right Rob-pots, Rob-wits, and Rob-purses, To gaine Diseases, Begg'ry, and Gods curses. Drawers, and Tapsters too, are Thieues I thinke, That Nick their Pots, and cheate men of their Drinke, ••nd when Guests haue their Liquor in their braine, ••••eale Pots halfe full, to fill them vp againe. Though this be Thieu'ry yet I must confesse, ••is honest Theft to punish Drunkennes. ••nd of small Thieues, the Tapster I preferre, ••e is a Drunkards Executioner, ••or whilest his money lasts he much affects him, ••hen, with the Rod of pouerty Corrects him. •• Chamberlaine vnto his Guests may creepe ••nd pick their Pockets, when th'are Drunke asleepe▪ ••ut amongst Thieues, that are of lowe Repute ••n Hostler is a Thiefe, most absolute: ••e with a Candles end Horse teeth can Grease, ••hey shall eate neither Hay, Oates, Beanes, or Pease, ••esides a hole ith Maunger, and a Bag ••ang'd vnderneath may Cozen many a Nag, ••nd specially, if in a Stable darke, ••one doe not the Hostlers knau'ry marke. ••e will deceiue a man, before his face, ••n the Peck's bottome, some few Oates hee'l place Which seemes as if it to the brim were full, ••nd thus the Knaue both Man and Horse will Gull. ••he breake Horsebread, he can thus much doe, ••mongst fiue loaues, his Codpiece swallowes two, ••he Hostler sayes the Horse hath one good tricke, ••uicke at his meate, he needs must trauell quicke.

If men, at full Racke for their Horsmeat pay, So hard into the racke hee'l tread the Hay, That out, the poore Beasts cannot get a bit, And th'Hostler held an honest man for it, For who would thinke the Horses want their right, When as the Racke is still full, day and night? With bottles, if men will haue Horses fed, To each a Groates worth ere they goe to bed, The Thieuish Hostler can rob Horse and Men, And steale the bottles from the Racke agen, And put in Hay that's pist vpon, I wot, Which being dry'd, no horse will eate a jot, And all such Hostlers, wheresoe're they bee, Deserue a Horses nightcap for their Fee. One stole a Wife, and marryed her in post, A hanging had bin better stolne, almost: By her he night and day was long perplex'd, Cornuted, scolded at, defam'd, and vex'd, * 1.6That (in comparison of all his paine) A friendly hanging had bin mighty gaine. There's an olde speech, a Tayler is a Thiefe, And an olde speech he hath for his reliefe, Ile not equiuocate, I'le giue him's due He (truly) steales not, or he steales not, true, Those that report so, mighty wrong doth doe him, For how can he steale that, that's brought vnto him And it may be they were false Idle speeches, That one brought Cotton once, to line his Breeches And that the Tayler layde the Cotton by, And with olde painted Cloath, the roome supply,

••hich as the owner (for his vse) did weare, Nayle, or sceg, by chance his breech did teare, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 which he saw the Linings, and was wroth; ••r Diues and Lazarus on the painted Cloath, ••he Gluttons Dogs, and Hels fire hotly burning, ••ith Feinds & fleshooks, whence ther's no returning, ••e rip'd the other breech, and there he spide, ••he pamper'd Prodigall on Cockhorse ride: ••here was his fare, his Fidlers, and his Whores, ••is being poore, and beaten out of Doores, ••is keeping Hogs, his eating huskes for meate, ••is Lamentation, and his home retreat, ••is welcome to his Father, and the Feast, ••he fat Calfe kill'd, all these thinges were exprest. ••hese Transformations fild the man with feare, ••hat he Hell fire within his breech * 1.7 should beare, ••e mus'd what strange inchantments he had bin in, ••hat turn'd his linings, into painted Linnen. ••is feare was great, but at the last to rid it, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Wizard tolde him, 'twas the Tayler did it. ••ne tolde me of a * 1.8 Miller that had power ••ometimes to steale 5. Bushels out of foure: ••s once a Windmill (out of breath) lack'd winde, •• fellow brought Foure bushels there to Grinde, ••nd hearing neither noyse of Knap or tiller, ••ayd downe his Corne, and went to seeke the Miller: ••ome two flight-shoot to th'Alehouse he did wag, ••nd left his Sacke in keeping with his Nag, ••he Miller came a by-way vp the hill, And saw the Sacke of Corne stand at the Mill,

Perceiuing none that could his Theft gaine-say, For toll tooke Bag and Grist, and all away. And a Crosse way vnto the Alehouse hy'd him, Whereas the man that sought him, quickly spide him Kinde Miller (quoth the man) I left but now A Sacke of Wheate, and I intreat that thou Wilt walke vp to the Mill where it doth lye, And Grinde it for me now the winde blowes hye. So vp the Hill they went, and quickly found The Bag & Corn, stolne from the ground vngrown The poore man with his losse was full of griefe, He, and the Miller went to seeke the Theefe, Or else the Corne, at last all tyr'd and sad, (Seeking both what he had not, and he had) The Miller (to appease or ease his paine) Solde him one Bushell * 1.9 of his owne againe. Thus out of 4. the man Fiue Bushels lost, Accounting truely all his Corne and cost. To mend all of this Thieuing Millers brood, One halfe houres hanging would be very good. But there's a kinde of stealing misticall, Pickpocket wits, silch lines Sophisticall, Villaines in Vearse, base Runagates in Rime, False Rob-wits, and contemned slaues of time, Purloyning Thieues, that pilfer from Desart The due of Study, and reward of Art. Pot Poets, that haue skill to steale Translations, And (into English) filch strange tongues and Natio•• And change the Language of good Wits vnknown•• These Thieuish Rascals print them for their owne.

••istake me not good Reader any wayes, ••ranslators doe deserue Respect and praise, ••or were it not for them, we could not haue •• Bible, that declares our soules to saue, ••nd many thousands worthy workes would lye ••ot vnderstood, or in obscurity, •• they by Learned mens Intelligence, Were not Translated with great diligence: honour such, and he that doth not so, ••ay his soule sin••ke to euerlasting woe. speake of such as steale Regard and Fame, Who doe translate, and hide the Authors name, Or such as are so barren of Inuention, That cannot write a line worth note, or mention, ••et vpon those that can will belch their spite, And with malitious Tongues their Names backbite. ••o this effect I oft haue wrote before, ••nd am inforced now this one time more, ••o take my Pen againe into my fist, And Answer a deprauing Emblemist, •• spare to Name him, but I tell him plaine, ••e're he dare abuse me so againe, ••e whip him with a yerking Satyres lash, ••ang'd like th'inuectiue Muse of famous Nash. That he shall wish he had not beene, or beene Hang'd, e're he mou'd my Iust incenced spleene. He hath Reported most malitiously, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 sundry places amongst company, That I doe neither Write, nor yet Inuent The thinges that (in my Name) doe passe in Print.

But that some Scholler spends his Time and braine, And let me haue the Glory and the Gaine. Is any Poet in that lowe Degree, To make his Muse worke Iourney-worke to me? Or are my Lines with Eloquence Imbellish'd, As any Learning in them may be relish'd? Those that thinke so, they either Iudge in hast, Or else their Iudgements pallat's out of tast. My pen in Hellicon, I ne're did dip, And all my Schollership is Schullership, I am an English-man, and haue the scope To write in mine owne Countries speech (I hope) For Homer was a Grecian, and I note That all his workes in the Greeke tongue he wrote▪ Virgill, and Ouid, neither did Contemne To vse that speech, their Mothers taught to them. Du Bartas, Petrarcke, Tasso, all their Muses, Did vse the Language that their Countrey vses. And though I know but English, I suppose I haue as many tongues as some of those. Their Studies were much better, yet I say I vse my Countries speech, and so did they. Because my Name is Taylor, some doe doubt, My best Inuention comes by stealing out From other VVriters workes, but I reply, And giue their doubtfull diffidence the lye. To close this point I must be very briefe, And call them Knaues, that calls me Poet Thiefe. But yet a Poets theft, I must not smother, For they doe often steale from one another:

They call it borrowing, but I thinke it true, To tearme it Stealing, were a style more due. There is a Speech, that Poets still are poore, ••ut ne're till now I knew the Cause wherefore: VVhich is, when their Inuentions are at best, Then they are dayly rob'd, 'tis manifest, For noble Thieues, and poore Thieues all Conjoyne, From painefull Writers studies to purloyne, And steale their Flashes, and their sparkes of wit, Still vtt'ring them at all occasions fit, As if they were their owne, and these men are For their stolne stuffe esteemed wise and Rare. They call it borrowing, but I tell them plaine ••Tis stealing, for they neuer pay againe. The vse of Money's ten i'th Hundred still, And men in Bonds bound, as the owner will, But wit and Poetry (more worth then treasure) Is from the Owners borrowed, at mens pleasure, And to the Poets lot it still doth fall, To loose both Interest and principall. This is the cause that Poets are poore men, Th'are Rob'd, and lend, and ne're are payde agen. Tis said that Iacob (counsel'd by his Mother) Did steale his Fathers blessing from his Brother, This was a Theft which few will imitate, Their Fathers blessings are of no such rate, For though some Sonnes might haue them for the cra∣uing, Yet they esteeme them scarcely worth the hauing, Their Fathers money they would gladly steale, But for their blessings they regard no deale.

And by their Waters, you may guesse and gather; That they were sick, and grieued of the Father: But on such Thieues as those, I plainely say A hansom hanging were not cast away. Some Thieues may through an Admirable skill, An honest Common wealth both poll and pill: These fellowes steale secure as they were Millers, And are substanciall men, their Countries Pillers: Purloyning polers, or the Barbars Rather, That shaue a Kingdome, Cursed wealth to gather; These Pillers, or these Caterpillers swarmes Grow Rich, and purchase Goods by others harmes▪ And liue like Feinds, extreamely fear'd, and hated And are, and shalbe euer execrated. A King of Britaine once Catellus * 1.10 nam'd Vpon Record his Charity is fam'd: His Iustice, and his memory was so Ample He hang'd vp all opressors, for example. If that Lawe once againe were in request Then, of all trades a Hangman were the best. These are the Broode of Barrabas, and these Can Rob, and be let loose againe at ease, Whilst Christ (in his poore members) euery day, Doth suffer (through their Theaft) and pine away. And sure all men, of whatsoere degree Of Science, Art, or Trade or mysterie, Or occupation, whatsoere they are For truth cannot with Watermen compare. I know ther's some obiections may be made, How they are Rude, vnciuill in their trade,

••ut that is not the question I propounde •• say no Theaft can in the Trade be founde, Our greatest foes by no meanes can Reueale, Which way we can deceiue, or cheate, or steale: We take men in, and Land them at their pleasure, And neuer bate them halfe an Inch of measure, Still at one price our selues we waste and weare, Though all things else be mounted double deare, And in a word, I must Conclude and say A Waterman can be a Thiefe no way.* 1.11 Except one way, which I had halfe forgot He now and then perhaps may Rob the pot, Steale himselfe Drunke, and be his owne Purspicker, And Chimically turnes his Coyne to Liquer: This is almost a Vniuersall Theaft A portion Fathers to their Sonnes haue left, Men are begot, and doe like their begetters And Watermen doe learne it of their betters. Ther's nothing that doth make them poore and bare, But cawse they are such true men as they are: For if they would but steale, like other men The Gallowes would deuoure them now and then Whereby their number quickly would be lesse, Which (to their wants) would be a good redresse, Their pouerty doth from their truth proceede Their way to thriue were to be Thieues indeede, If they would steale and hang as others doe Those that suruiue it were a healpe vnto, Truth is their trade, and truth doth keepe them poore But if their truth were lesse their wealth were more,

All sortes of men worke all the meanes they can, To make a Thiefe of euery Water-man: And as it were in one consent they ioyne, To trot by land i'th' dirt, and saue their Coyne. Carroaches, Coaches, Iades and Flanders Mares, Doe rob vs of our shares, our wares, our Fares. Against the ground we stand and knocke our heeles, Whilest all our profit runnes away on wheeles, And whoseuer but obserues and notes The great increase of Coaches, and of Boates: Shall finde their number more then e're they were, By halfe and more within these Thirty yeare. Then Watermen at Sea had seruice still, And those that stay'd at home had worke at will, Then vpstart Helcart-Coaches were to seeke, A man could scarce see Twenty in a weeke, But now I thinke a man may dayly see, More then the Whirryes on the Thames can be. When Queene Elizabeth, came to the Crowne, A Coach in England, then was scarcely knowne, Then 'twas as rare to see one, as to spy A Tradesman that had neuer tolde a lye. But now, like plagues of Aegipt, they doe swarme, As thicke as Frogs, or Lice, vnto our harme. For though the King, the Counsell, and such States, As are of high Superiour ranckes, and rates: For port or pleasure, may their Coaches haue, Yet 'tis not fit that euery Whore or Knaue, And fulsome Madams, and new scuruy Squires, Should Iolt the Streets in pomp, at their desires,

Like great Tryumphant Tamberlaines, each day, Drawne with the pamper'd Iades of Belgia, That almost all the streets are choak'd out-right, Where men can hardly passe from morne 'till night. Whilest Watermen want worke, and are at ease, To Carry one another, if they please, Or else sit still, and poorely starue and dye. For all their liuings on foure Wheeles doe flye. Good Reader thinke it not too long, or much That I thus amply, on this point doe tutch, Now we are Borne, we would our worke apply To labour, and to liue vntil we Dye, And we could liue well, but for Coaches Thieuing. That euery Day doe rob vs of our liuing. If we, by any meanes, could learne the skill To rob the Coachmen, as they rob vs still: Then in the Sessions booke it would appeare, They would be hang'd fiue hundred in a yeare. Besides it is too manifestly Knowne, They haue the Sadlers Trade almost o'rethrowne, And the best Leather in our Kingdome they Consume and waste; for which poore men doe pay. Our Bootes and Shooes to such high price they reare, That all our profit can buy none to weare. •• in Bohemia saw, that all but Lords, Or men of worth, had Coaches drawne with Cords: And I my Necke vnto the Rope would pawne, That if our Hackney Ratlers were so drawne, With Cords, or Ropes, or Halters, chuse yee whether It quickly would bring downe the price of Leather.

Then Watermen should haue more worke I hope, When euery Hireling Coach drawne with a Rope, Would make our Gallants stomack at the matter * 1.12And now and then to spend their Coyne by water. Without all flattery, here my minde I breake, The Prouerb saies, giue loosers leaue to speake: They Carry all our Fares, and make vs poore That to our Boates we scarce can get a Whore, Some honest men and women, now and then Will spend their moneyes amongst Watermen, But we are growne so many, and againe Our fares so few, that little is our gaine. Yet for all this (to giue the Deuill his due) Our honest trade can no wayes be vntrue. If some be rude amongst the multitude 'Tis onely want of worke that makes them Rude, 'Tis want of money and of Manners to That makes them do as too too oft they doe And euery good thing that in them is scant It still must be Imputed to their want. But leauing true men, I must turne my stile To paltry Thieues, whose Glory is their guile: For thrice three hundred of them from one tooke Some of them ready money, some a Booke, And set their hands to Billes, to pay to me When I from Scotland should returned be. Crouns, Pounds or Angels, what thy pleas'd to writ I haue their fists to shewe in blacke and white. And after that, I to Bohemia went, And gaue out money, and much money spent:

And for these things, those Thieues Ingenerall, Will neither giue me gaine or Principall.* 1.13 •• lately wrought a Pamphlet to the Crue, ••hat spake their due, for keeping of my due: Wherein I gaue them thankes that had me paide, ••nd pardond, those that in their graues were laid: ••o those that were exceeding poore, or fled, Except good words) I very little sed, •• praid for them that onely would and could not ••nd I inueigh'd at those that could and would not. ••nd let those shifters their owne Iudges be ••f they haue not bin arrant Thieues to me, ••or first and last they tooke (with their good) wills ••eere fifteene hundred bookes vpon their bills, ••nd all their hands (If I the truth may vtter) ••re worse then obligations seald with butter: ••or I haue in my store (not worth a Lowse) ••s many Bills as well may thatch a House, ••nd there I haue the hands of Knights and Squiers: ••nd Omnium gatherum Cheating knaues and liers, ••eauen hundred in a Galleymawfrey, Close Which I would sell for fifteene pence the Groce, ••hei'le neyther pay, with comming, nor with sending ••nd are like olde Bootes, past all hope of mending. ••••rst they did Rob me of my expectation ••nd made me walke along perambulation, ••nd as my Royall Maister * 1.14 when I came ••he good Prince, and my Lord of Buckingham With many more of Honour, Worship, and ••en of inferiour callings in this land,

Were bountifull to me at my Returne, Yet I like one, that doth one Candle burne In seeking of another, spent their guifts To finde out Sharkes, and Complements and shift Theft is the best Name I can giue their Crime, They rob me of my Bookes, my Coyne, and time, Of others Bounty, and mine owne good Hopes, And for this Theft I leaue them to the Ropes, I speake to those that can and will not pay, When in the Streets I meete them euery day, * 1.15They doe not much mistake if they doe thinke I wish them hang'd, for keeping of my Chinke. Thus haue I touch'd a Crue of Thieuing fellowes, That Rob beyond the Compasse of the Gallowes: Whilest many little Thieues are hang'd vp dead That onely Steale for need, to finde them Bread, As Pharaoh's fat Kine, did the Leane deuoure, So great Thieues swallow small ones by their power And sure I thinke, that Common Burglaries, Pick-pockets, High-way Thieues, and Pilferies, And all that thus Felloniously doe Thieue, Are Thieues whose labours * 1.16 many doe Relieue. Who but poore Thieues doe Iaylors wants supply? On whom doe vnder Keepers still rely? From Thieuing, money still is gotten thus, For many a Warrant and a Mittimus, And if men were not apt to Filch and Thieue, 'Twere worse for many a High, and vnder-Shrieue The Halter-maker, and the Smith are getters For fatall Twist, and pond'rous Bolts and Petters.

••e Carman hath a share amongst the rest, ••hough not voluntary, yet hee's Prest. 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Ballad-maker doth some profit reape, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 makes a Tiburne Dirge, exceeding Cheape, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 whil'st the Printers, and the dolefull Singers, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 in these gainefull busines dip their fingers. 〈◊〉〈◊〉 very Hangman hath the sleight and skill, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 extract all his goods from others Ill, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 is the Epilogue vnto the Law, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 from the jawes of Death his life doth draw. 〈◊〉〈◊〉 last, the Hangmans Broaker reapes the fruit, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 selling to one Thiefe anothers Sute. ••••sides Thieues are sit members, for 'tis knowne, ••hey make men carefull how to keepe their owne, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 were it not for them, we still should lye ••••ck'd in the Cradle of security. ••ll'd in base Idlenes, and sluggish sloath, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 to all ill, and to all Goodnes loath. ••hich would infect vs, and corrupt the blood, ••nd therefore for our health's sake, Thieues are good. ••nd some men are so prone to steale, I thinke 〈◊〉〈◊〉 as Nat'rall as their meate and drinke, ••hey are borne to't, and cannot doe withall, ••nd must be filching still, what e're befall. ••wispe of Rushes, or a Clod of land, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 any wadde of Hay that's next to hand ••hey'l steale, and for it haue a good excuse, ••hey doe't to keepe their hands in vre, or vse. ••ut not t'excuse a Thiefe in any case, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 there are some Crimes, as voyde of Grace,

On whom men scarce haue feeling or a thought, Nor e're like Thieues are to the Gallowes brought Those that obey false Gods commit offence, Against th'Eternall Gods Omnipotence. Those that doe grauen Images adore, Are worse then Thieues, yet are not hang'd therefo•••• Tis Treason high, to take Gods Name in vaine, Yet most men doe't, through frailty, or for Gaine▪ The Saboth is prophan'd continually, Whil'st the offenders pay small * 1.17 penalty. And Parents are dishonour'd, without Awe, The whil'st the Children doe escape the Law. And Murther, though't be ne're so foule and dead Is oft times made Man-slaughter or Chance-med Adultery's neighbourhood, and Fornication, May be Conniu'd at, with a tolleration. A Witnes, that false Testimony beares, Tis a great wonder if he loose his Eares, But sure, the Prouerbe is as true as briefe, A Lyer's euer worser then a Thiefe, And 'tis call'd Thrift, when men their mindes doe To couet how their Neighbours goods to get. To be vaine-glorious, and Ambitious proude Are Gentleman-like partes, must be allow'd. To beare an Enuy base and secretly, Tis counted Wisedome, and great Pollicy. To be a Drunkard, and the Cat to whip, Is call'd the King of all good Fellowship. But for a Thiefe, the whole world doth Consent That Hanging is the fittest punishment.

〈◊〉〈◊〉 if that Law were put in Execution, ••hinke it would be Mankindes Dissolution: ••nd then we should haue Land and Tenements 〈◊〉〈◊〉 nothing, or for very easie Rents, ••hereby we see that man his wealth esteemes, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 better then his God, his soule it deemes: ••or let God be abusde, and let his soule ••••nne greedily into offences foule, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 scarcely shall be question'd for't, but if ••mongst his other sinnes) he play the Thiefe ••nd steale mens goods, they all will sentence giue, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 must be Hang'd, he is vnfit to liue. 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the Low Countryes, if a wretch doe steale 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Bread, or Meate, to feed himselfe a meale, ••hey will vnmercifully beat and Clowt him, ••••le, pull, and teare, & spurne, & kicke, & flowt him, ••ut if a Drunkard be vnpledg'd a Kan ••••awes out his Knife and basely stabs a man, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 runne away the Rascall shall haue scope, ••one holdes him, but all Cry * 1.18 Lope Scellum Lope, ••hus there's a close Conniuence for all Vice, ••xcept for Theft, and that's a Hanging price. ••ne man's adicted to Blaspheme and sweare, •• second to Carowse, and Domineere: •• third to Whoring, and a fourth to Fight, ••nd Kill and slay, a fift man to Backbite, •• sixt and seauenth, with this or that Crime caught, ••nd all in generall much worse then nought. ••nd amongst all these sinners generall, ••he Thiefe must winne the Halter from them all,

When if the matter should examin'd be They doe deserue it all, asmuch as he. Nor yet is Thieuery any vpstar sinne, But it of long Antiquity hath bin: And by this Trade Great men haue not disdain'd, To winne Renowne, and haue their states maintain Great Alexanders Conquests, what were they But taking others goods and Lands away: (In manners) I must call it Martiall dealing, But truth will tearme it Rob'ry, and flat stealing, For vnto all the world it is well knowne, That he by force, tooke what was not his owre. Some Writers are with Tamberlaine so briefe, To stile him with the Name of Scithian Thiefe. * 1.19Licurgus lou'd, and granted guifts beside To Thieues that could steale, and escape vnspide: But if they taken with the manner were, They must restore, and buy the bargaine deere. Thieues were at all times euer to be had Exampled by the good Thiefe and the Bad. And England still hath bin a fruitfull Land Of Valiant Thieues, that durst bid true men stand One Bellin Dun* 1.20, a famous Thiefe suruiu'd, From whom the Towne of Dunstable's deriu'd: And Robin Hood * 1.21 with little Iohn agreed To rob the Rich men, and the Poore to feede. * 1.22The Priests had heere such small meanes for there••o•• That many, of them were inforc'd to Thieuing. Once the Fift Henry could Rob exc'llent well, When he was Prince of Wales, as Stories tell.

••hen Fryer Tucke a tall stoute Thiefe indeed, ••ould better Rob and steale, then Preach or reed. 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Gosselin Deinuill, * 1.23 with 200. more, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Fryers weedes, Rob'd, and were Hang'd therefore. ••hus I in Stories, and by proofe doe finde ••hat Stealing's very olde, time out of minde, ••re I was Borne, it through the world was spread, ••nd will be when I from the world am Dead. But leauing thus, my Muse in hand hath tooke, To shew which way a Thiefe is like a Booke.

Notes

• * 1.1

  A Booke I writ called a Whore.
• * 1.2

  In the 93. page of a Booke, called the Spirit of Detraction the Author cites 12. Pa∣rishes in one Hundred in Wales in this predicament.
• * 1.3

  Iupiters Idol in Scracusa in Sicitia.
• * 1.4

  The dore is Christ.
• * 1.5

  One that 8 years since bought ma∣ny houses, where I & many poore men dwelt, & present∣ly raised our Rents, from 3. l. to 5. l. but I changed him quick∣ly for a bet∣ter.
• * 1.6

  He cannot steale tru∣ly, or truly he cannot steale.
• * 1.7

  This fel∣lowes Bre∣ches were not lynde with Apo∣chri••ha.

  I heard of one that had the pi∣cture of the Deuill in the back li∣nings of his Dublet witnes at the Swan in St. Mar••ids.
• * 1.8

  This Mil∣ler kept a Windmill not many yeres since at Purflet in Essex.
• * 1.9

  Some say that he sold him the 4. Bushels a∣gaine, and then stole one bushell for toll.
• * 1.10

  He was the 40.th King after Brute & he Raigned before Christs' birth 171. yeares.
• * 1.11

  The Anna∣gram of Waterman is A TREW MAN.
• * 1.12

  The Wher∣••yes were wont to haue all the Whores Till the Coaches Robd them of their Custom.
• * 1.13

  It is cald a Kicksie winsie, or a Lerrio cun•• ••wang.
• * 1.14

  To whom I in all hu∣millity must euer, acknow∣ledg my obedience and dutiful Thankful∣nes and seruice.
• * 1.15

  I have 700. Billes of their hands which in all co••••es to neer; 00. l.
• * 1.16

  The trade of Thie∣uing is ve∣ry profita∣ble to many men.
• * 1.17

  Or none at all.
• * 1.18

  Run thiefe Runne.
• * 1.19

  Platarch.
• * 1.20

  Hen. 1.
• * 1.21

  Rich. 2.
• * 1.22

  Edw. 3.
• * 1.23

  Edw. 2.