Satyrical essayes characters and others. Or Accurate and quick descriptions, fitted to the life of their subiects. Iohn Stephens

About this Item

Title
Satyrical essayes characters and others. Or Accurate and quick descriptions, fitted to the life of their subiects. Iohn Stephens
Author
Stephens, John, fl. 1613-1615.
Publication
London :: Printed by Nicholas Okes, and are to be sold by Roger Barnes, at his shop in Saint Dunstanes Church-yard,
1615.
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Subject terms
Characters and characteristics -- Early works to 1800.
Link to this Item
http://name.umdl.umich.edu/A12956.0001.001
Cite this Item
"Satyrical essayes characters and others. Or Accurate and quick descriptions, fitted to the life of their subiects. Iohn Stephens." In the digital collection Early English Books Online. https://name.umdl.umich.edu/A12956.0001.001. University of Michigan Library Digital Collections. Accessed October 31, 2024.

Pages

Page 23

ESSAY. III.
NO more: no more: now saith my honest friend, Be politicke; or study to commend The time, and timelings, least you doe bestow More copious tearmes then licence dare allow. Content thy selfe (Cordatus) I will blame No reuerend Church-man, neither will I name One lewd professor, who pollutes the grace Of such a formall and respected place: I will not name their liuings, nor their liues, Much esse their bondage to their hansom wiues: As if they durst not shew the times disease, Because indeed they dare not them displease. I will not wrong their holinesse: and why? In holinesse true zeale you may descry. Nor will I taxe Church-vices, least I wrong The labour which to writing doth belong. For when I haue againe repeated all Their vices publicke, and sinnes personall: I shall but reckon the antiquities, Of Glosse, of Ignorance, and Simonies:

Page 24

And so repeate things mention'd long before, Nay things prefixt vpon each Play-house doore. Let them (alasse) continue, or increase, O let them long enioy a quit peace; For they already know the mischiefes well, They almost scorne such inwards to expell. And why? they feare taxation: ò strange fate! They who contemne reproofes, are desperate. We cannot hope such persons will amend, Who may (without controule) their vice extend. Enough, enough, I haue bethought so much Concerning cowards, that my selfe am such: I dare not speake my meaning vnder paine Of being crost, of being curb'd againe. Why crost? why curb'd? go aske authoritie Why it protects peculiar vanitie? And it perhaps will answere in deence; Cowes to themselues beperfect Innocence. Or (which is more familiar) Enuy loues That humor best, which bitterly reproues All states, all faculties besides her owne: She fauours that, and feares it should be knowne, Though it be noted; or with publicke shame, Hath purchasd (〈◊〉〈◊〉 you write) an odious name.

Page 25

Men thinke their fashions and their faces best If (in a flattred humor) they be blest, To heare men discommend both such and such, Not naming theirs; although they be so much Apparant filthy, as no vulgar eye Would make a question of deformity: And so superior vices doe propound A freedome to their scope, as being sound In selfe-conceite, if they can saue their skinne From being Printed with a publicke snne; Though (setting bookes aside) they do rofesse, Enough to poyson all their names no lsse. See how I breath into the spacious Aire, A Theame as spacious: Can my Vrse repaire The fruitlesse errors of men obstinate; Who cannot freely their owne vices hate? Who rather gainefull vices do condmne, Because they cannot purchase gaines by them? For in their owne offences they reserue Such cautions as may closely them preserue. Well, sir, admit men labour to be wise, And for themselues do secrets exercise, Who shall dare contradict such worthy paines Which fosters credit, and ill termes restraines?

Page 26

Avant base Hipocrite, go henceforth set Vpon thy pillow, thy close cabinet, And sleepe with all the papers in thy hand, Which thy most secret counsels may command; Or I with Spaniards better shall agree; Or I shall trust a Lapwing more then thee. Good men dare iustifye, euen touching all The essence of their thoughts originall: Touching themselues, their meanings they may saue, Least they their good successe of meanes depraue. But well, suppose men so directly halt As they do feare to patronize the fault, Shall they not seeke vnpunish'd to remaine, If actions pass'd cannot be cal'd againe? We daily do transgresse; and some perhaps Deserue the plagues of lashing after-claps: But then, alas! what satisfaction can, Written reproofes be for a vicious man? You make professions vndergoe contempt, And make the least offence so farre exempt From ciuill vertue, and some new conceits, That you enforce good fellowship to straights. So: Haue you done (deere Motley?) yes almost; But stay a little, and behold vncrost,

Page 27

The reason, why we do so closely deale, And why we couer vice: I can rueale, To frustrate your inuentions which produce Nothing halfe-worthy of a well-borne Muse, But triuiall vanities, and deepe expence, To tell mans weakenesse by experience: You might with more applause bestow more pains To grace the Mayors Triumphs, and the chaines Which do attend his Lordship to the Hall: You might expound things termed mysticall: Or might in better phrase compose a song, To shew his Highnes staid at Cambridge long; And not in tearmes, as hasty as the truth, Discouer haire-braine fallacies of youth: You might, you might, Seuerus, and detest To scourge close dealers who be safely blest: For I can well resolue you are the cause, Why men reserue (in acts) a priuate clause: You, and your nice obseruance do restraine Men, and their actions both, from being plaine: And yet you call those Cowards, who beware As if they were possess'd with childish feare. Suruay thy selfe, quicke-sighted formalist, And then discouer that abusiue mist,

Page 28

With which men shelter any priuate sinne: Charity alwaies doth at home beginne. Now haue you ended? then, I answere all By scorning to excuse or hide my fall As thou dost vrge: if I transgresse my square, I of Relapse, not of Reproofe beware: And I beleeue thou likewise wilt amend, If so thou do'st not labour to offend: For that inded betrayes mens dealing naught, When they do study rather to be taught, In subtle mischiefe of a newer mint, Then to abiure deceits of ancient print: For they hate couznage, once intitled Old, Because the Title shewes it often told, And so affoords no lucre; not because It fauours Atheisme and corruption drawes. Why do I taxe, why do I trouble men, Or why with noted crimes defile my pen? The most notorious cowards will betray Themselues, and follies, though I turne away. Yes (which is worth my laughter) they accuse Their closest feares, euen while they do refuse To let you vnderstand their subtile drifts, They do discouer such auoiding shifts,

Page 29

That you may thence collect some fearefull trick, They study to appeare so pollitick. As, Fellons brought before a Iustice, each Hopes to bee sau'd, if others he impeach: And as some Indians dealt, being al-amaz'd To heare the Spanish guns and forces blaz'd; They bought their safety through a fine deceit: For knowing gold to be the Spanish baite, They would protest, that fifty leagues beyond Was common plenty of that yellow sand; Meaning to turne the fooles another way. And so deale vicious persons: they betray Anothers folly, to preserue their owne: Obserue, and you shall gather things wel known. Go tell a Church man he hath lost his voyce, Or aske him why he doth in strife reioyce: And he will answer; Lawyers do not speake So much to purpose, as the Pulpits creake, Althogh they do receiue fees doubled twice; Which far exceed my single Benefice. Go tell a Lawyer he relyes on chance, Because he doth affect dull ignorance: And he the worst obiection soone auerts By telling how The times neglect deserts.

Page 30

Go tell a Magistrate of morning bribes, And he, to shallow meanes, the same ascribes: But then demand of Honour why she failes, In giuing that which euery way auailes To nourish her beloued sonnes? And shee Will answere, They profuse, insatiate be. Aske shifting Russians why they do forget, To hasten payment and discharge their debt, Or why they do sufficient men dislike? And they will answere, Great-ones do the like. Go tell a Gamester he hath cheated long, Or vnto many offred shamefull wrong, And he will answere, that himselfe before Was often cheated twenty times and more. Go aske a Drunkard why he followes wine, Abuses God, or giues a Heathen signe; And he will quickly answere thy demand, The Parson was so drunk he could not stand. Go tell a Hot-spurre he hath kil'd a man, Go aske him how he doth the terrour scan: And he will answere; a Physitian's free To murther twenty millions; why not hee? Go tell a fawning wretch he doth relye Vpon the slauish vice of flattery:

Page 31

And he will answere, That the best are glad To follow such indeuours, or as bad. Go tell a whore she doth her sexe pollute, By being such a common prostitute: And shee will answere in defence of fame, Citizens wiues, and Ladies do the same. Go tell a trades-man he deceiues the day, Refusing light, deluding euery way: And he will answere to auoyd thy curse, Go further on, you will be cheated worse. Thus cowards all (not daring to defend The diuers follies which they dare intend) Confesse themselues, and others do elect Vices, which none but Diuels dare protect. When I pronounce a Coward, it implies, Malice and spight be Cowards qualities: They are inseparate, and why? because A vicious Coward so exactly knowes Himselfe vnable, that he doth decree To haue consorts as impotent as he; Because he may auoyd the mighty shocke Of mens contempt, rank'd with a greater flocke; Whereas perhaps if he were lest alone, His basenesse onely would be look'd vpon.

Page 32

But harke you sir (saith one) you haue forgot To brand our female; with a cowards lot. They be a proper subiect: do not spare Them and their couert dealing to declare: They be attired with inuentiue doubts, And haue as many feares as they haue thoughts: They labour daily, yet they do suspect, They cannot halfe a hansome face erect: They paint, they power, they with toies exced, Alas! they dare not shew themselues indeed. Night they do honour: then they do obtaine That which perhaps the day cals backe againe: They do intice their Husbands to beleeue Any thing (then) and any thing to giue: They do entreate, when Husbands scarce replye But with a purpose nothing to deny: They not without adunage do contend; Nor any cowards oddes do discommend. Well, 〈◊〉〈◊〉: admit they do abound with feare, Females for nothing else created were. They need not of teir weakenesse be asham'd; But Men should blush to heare the folly namd. You do discouer mens impediments, And tell vs what the crasty age inuents.

Page 8

As if authority forgat his whip: You may be silent, and surcease to nip. Let sage Authority proceed by course Of Law, to punish these without remorse. Then you must bid Authority respect Things not accounted euill; or neglect To punish friend-lesse fee-lesse infamies, And taxe braue mischiefe with seuerer eyes. Nay that will neuer be; for tell the base, And poore offendor (who feeles no disgrace) He hath offended; and he dares reply, He tooke his patterne from Authority. So shifting be the simple Idiots, So shifting base be higher Patriots: And must be euer till they do reueale Feare to commit, not study to conceale.
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