Varieties: or, A surveigh of rare and excellent matters necessary and delectable for all sorts of persons. Wherein the principall heads of diverse sciences are illustrated, rare secrets of naturall things unfoulded, &c. Digested into five bookes, whose severall chapters with their contents are to be seene in the table after the epistle dedicatory. By David Person, of Loghlands in Scotland, Gentleman.

A TREATISE OF LAVGHING AND MOVRNING.

Section 1.

The benefits and content that all men reape by the workes and labours of Writers and Travellers.

HIstories and travellers are said to be like those who cracke the Nut and give a∣way the kernell; their toyles, labours and witty inventions are by them readie drest for all readers, hearers or seers; for when they read their travells and studies, they are

like those who lying secure upon land, doe from some Promontory behold a ship tossed on the swelling bil∣lowes, beating with raging windes and tempests, and well nigh Ship-wrackt: Et mare cum Spumis canden∣tibus astra lacessit: & cum tartarei subsidit ad ima bara∣thri: Who sees or reades their workes receive the sweete of their toile: but yet not hereby challenging any singularity unto my selfe above others, I freely offer and expose these labours to all, which for the variety will (I hope) bee acceptable; and gracious acceptance is the reward I crave. But to the matter in hand.

Section 2.

Of sudden deaths that have hapned unto men amidst their feasting and other Iollities, exemplified with sto∣ries both Sacred and prophane.

IN the Countrie of Agenois (a part of the famous province of Aquitaine,) where first I spent some yeares not without some copious and severall ob∣servations: a Baron there, M^r. de Longad la barriere, at a feast in his owne house, laughing and making mer∣ry with his Guests, having a legge of a pullet in his hand, expired suddainely amongst their hands. Mirth at banquets should not be excessive but moderate;* 1.1 for which the Aegyptians used at their feast to set a Scull or Anatomie on or by the table, that by the thought

and sight thereof they might moderate their excesse, which oftentimes hastneth death or else diseases.

Holy Scriptures furnisheth us with examples,* 1.2 as those of Nebuchadonosor, Baltasar, and the rich glut∣ton, who had the most exemplarie punishments in this kinde that we reade of.

In the Roman History Cornelius Balbus recorded by Tacitus, who, whilest he was under a cloud and silence of night, carousing, quaffing, and laughing so loud, that the sicke Emperor (his Lord) could heare him from his chamber windowes with his camrades, is memorable, who not only endangered the losse of his Princes favour, but of his life also for his so unsea∣sonable and insolent mirth.

Now, if we shall leave feasting, and but speake of other Ioyes, we shall finde that when men thinke their estate most secure, and doe rejoyce in the injoying of it; that even then their suddaine fall hapneth, and followeth them as their shadow: King David for glorying in his numbered people, was plagued:* 1.3 Iuli∣us Caesar in his imperiall Throne having by the over∣throw of his enemies attained that verticall point of earthly honour, was even then and there murdered.

King Henry the second of France, was amidst the triumphs and tiltings of his Sisters wedding solemni∣ties, killed. King Henry the third at the rendering up of his rebellious Citie of Paris to him, was murthe∣red by the trayterous stroake of a blacke Frier, his predecessors both shortly taken away: But more mi∣serably, his great and valorous successor Henry 4^th. in the middest of that glorious City, and of the pom∣pous shewes at his Queenes coronation, was murde∣red.

Our hopefull Prince Henry taken away about the time of his sisters mirthfull Nuptialls.

And I read of a Prince in an Historian, whose torch dedicated and lighted to Hymen in his nuptialls, ser∣ved to kindle his funerall pile.

Not to speake a word of Philip of Macedon kil∣led in the middest of his Army, while he is assisting the sacrifice to the Gods: Nor of his Son Alexan∣der the great, cut off in the floure of his yeares, Ioyes, and glorious great victories, with a thousand of this same kinde.

Section 3.

Stories of severall worthy and brave men; that upon oc∣casions have shed teares: of the sensible greefe of some Horses, Dogges, and Hawkes upon the losse of their Masters.

WHich being so,* 1.4 we may see that the Lord ordained wisely the Pascall Lambe to be eaten with bitter hearbes; And pro∣vidently the old heathen enjoyned us to mingle cares amidst our joyes.

Laeta tibi austeris varientur festa profestis.

From holy Scripture we have warrant, that it is bet∣ter to be in the house of mourning and weeping, then in that of laughing: And blessed are they that weepe; for they shall bee comforted,* 1.5 and their teares washt from their eyes; our Saviour is said to have wept, and

never to have laughed: we reade of St. Peters teares; of the royall Prophets, of the Prophet Ieremy his complaints; of the groanings, howlings and lamen∣tings of the best servants of GOD, of none, or little of their rejoycing, except it had beene under the Crosse, or at least in the Lord; finally with teares wee come into this world, with care wee abide in it, and with paine we remove from it.

Yea even of those who are most enured,* 1.6 and har∣dened with fights, bloudsheds, alarmes, and conse∣quently, who should seeme most averse from teares, pitie and compassion, some I marke to have solemnly wept and are signalized, more peradventure in consi∣deration of humane frailty, as measuring things by themselves, then otherwise for any great matter or reason they had to shedd teares for the time; see∣ing they had obtained the thing they so eagerly de∣sired.

—Nam cum praeda sternitur, alter Praemia solliciti certa laboris habet.

The good Emperor Adrian at his triumphant en∣trie into Rome after a remarkable victorie,* 1.7 seeing the innumerable spoyles of his enemies before his Impe∣riall chayre, and the Captives themselves manicled and fettered with chaines, doing homage unto him; It is recorded of him, that though he rejoyced in pub∣like, yet in private hee wept, and in a manner expres∣sed by all likelihood no lesse than our famous Bucha∣nan in this distich.

Tuquo{que} crudelis Babylon dabis improba paenas, Et rerum instabiles experiêre vices.

King David shed teares at the sight or hearing of his sonne Absoloms death:* 1.8 Iulius Caesar, at the sight of Pompeys head: Vespasian, seeing the holy and mag∣nificent Sanctum Sanctorum on fire: Xerxes, the inso∣lent Persian King, yet seeing a number of hundred thousands in a plaine, wept, considering the frailty of nature; for that of so many as hee saw there, they might bee all dead in few houres,* 1.9 dayes, or yeeres. To these, I may subjoyne Bajazet successor to Ma∣homet Emperour of the Turks, Anno, 1481. his teares, after his brother Zizimus had surrendered himselfe to the great Master of Malta, in name of all the Chri∣stian Princes; whom neverthelesse he drove to that extremity. As for Heraclitus his perpetuall weeping for the misery of this world, I thinke it as worthy of blame, as Democritus his continuall laughing at the folly of it: seeing (with Salomon) there are times to laugh, and times to weepe also,

—Nam res humana fatiscit, Laeta nisi austeris varientur festa profestis.

And if we trust Sabellicus; not onely Men, but also Horses and Dogs,* 1.10 have beene seene to weepe for the losse of their Masters; he instanceth particularly, that those Horses which Iulius Caesar vowed to Mars at his passage over Rubicon, were observed before his mur∣ther to stray carelessely up and downe, prognostica∣ting (as it were) their masters death by their unaccu∣stomed drooping, dejectednesse, and shedding of teares: Du Bartas Hawke, which hee relateth to have cast it selfe (after some other signes of sorrow) into the grave with the corps of its dead Master, may be mentioned as rare and memorable.

Section 4.

Risus Sardonicus, what, and how to be taken: Of the ho∣ly teare kept in the Abby Church at Vandesme, in France.

NOw for laughing: that which we call Risus Sardo∣nicus, is a perfect modell and patterne of our hu∣mane laughing: for as they who have eaten of the hearb Sardis, do all the perfect gestures of one tickled with joy or mirth, as dimpling their cheeks, and other like gestures; yet it is onely the contracting power of that venomous herbe, that procureth that convulsive gesture in them: the Crocodiles teares may be compa∣red oftentimes to our weeping, as being either delu∣sive, treacherous, or revengefull; and too many (I feare) doe like Iudas, kisse, onely to deceive.

But what shall be said to the Teare which is con∣served in a Violl, and kept in a little Chappell on the North-side of the Abbey-Church,* 1.11 at Vandome in France; which they give forth to be a teare which fell from our Lords eyes, and was kept since in that Violl by some holy Saint living in those dayes; which in an overpious beleefe, they say, hath con∣tinued since without diminution; by them called, La Sainte larme, The holy teare: this at solemne festivall dayes they shew and exhibite to the superstitiously credulous people, that repaire thither from the remo∣test parts of that kingdome; who with great and sub∣missive

prostration and kneeling, kisse it, to the great and gainefull profit of the keeper: truly, for my owne part, I am not so universally catholick (though I have seene it) as to beleeve that, no more than their religious paradoxes of the transportation of our La∣dy De Loretta her chamber from so many diverse pla∣ces and countries, to the place where now it is: nei∣ther finde I any motion to pray God for helpe in my unbeliefe of this and other such fained miracles of theirs, being so meerely and palpably grosse inven∣tions of men.

Sect. 5.

Of weeping for the dead how to be moderated. The mat∣ter of teares: of laughing and weeping for one and the same thing: moderation in both commended.

ALthough Tertullian in his booke De patientia,* 1.12 did forbid the people in his dayes to mourne and weepe for the dead, yet our Lord and other Saints have wept for them: S. Paul indeed, reprehendeth the immoderatenesse of it, 1 Thes. chap. 4. where he forbiddeth not the Thessalonians to sorrow at all; but not sorrow as those who had no hope of the resurrection. The Poet could finde fault with immoderate mourn∣ing for the dead; which in this Iron and declining age of the world but very few needs to be reproved for.

Tu semper urges flebilibus modis Misten ademptam, nec tibi vespero, Cadente decedunt amores, Necrapidum fugiente solem.

The philosophicall reason given for not mourning for the dead, I thinke neither allowable to a Christi∣an, nor to a meere naturallist; for they say, that it is but lost time and action, seeing death is remedilesse, common, necessary; and teares cannot prevaile to re∣call them againe, and therefore availe nothing: for such like arguments are rather to reinforce sorrow, than otherwayes to mitigate griefe: and so much the rather, because there is no remedy for it: for as another Philosopher replieth to one who reprooved him for lamenting so heavily the death of his sonne, since (said he) you know that there is no remedy for it; and therefore (replied the other) doe I weepe: yet some of the wisest sort of them agreed unto this mourning for the dead, as a kind, naturall duty; in so farre, that they who wept not for their parents death, were by them said,

In patrios minxisse cineres.

Not to speake of the matter of teares,* 1.13 whether it be the same with that of sweate, or the waterish part of bloud, all these being salt: I shall enquire the oc∣casion of teares, which we finde out of holy and pro∣phane stories,* 1.14 to be both joy and sorrow. In Ezra, when the Iewes saw the holy Temple re-edified, They wept (saith the Prophet) but diversly, some for joy to see it rebuilt againe, others for sorrow to see the

glory and ornament of it, as it was then, not compa∣rable to the former: so wept Ioseph for joy upon his brethrens necks: in a word, ire and revenge will oc∣casion teares, as well as pitty and compassion; yea, some will weepe on no occasion.

Mens immota manet,* 1.15 lachrymae volvuntur inanes.

I can say no more to the stupidity of these people, than to their folly who laugh at all occasions without cause.

Notes

• * 1.1

  Little good followeth com¦monly excesse of mirth and laughter.
• * 1.2

  Examples of Nebuchado∣nozor, Balia∣sar, and the rich glutton to this purpose.
• * 1.3

  Examples of such who in the middest of all their felici∣ties, have been taken away.
• * 1.4

  Wisely was it ordained that the Paschall Lambe should be eaten with foure hearbes.
• * 1.5

  Our Saviour did never laugh.
• * 1.6

  Foure famous and renowned Warriors, have shed teares.
• * 1.7

  The Empe∣ror Adrian even amidst all his triumphs. remembring the frailty of nature.
• * 1.8

  The Prophet David, when he did heare of Absoloms death Iulius Caesar at Pompeys head. Vespasian see∣ing the temple of Salomon on fire.
• * 1.9

  Xerxes seeing all his nume∣rous Army be∣fore him.
• * 1.10

  We reade of Horses which have wept.
• * 1.11

  The Teare which is in the Abby Church of Vandome, what it can be.
• * 1.12

  Weeping for the dead al∣lowable, pro∣vided, it be not immode∣rate.
• * 1.13

  The matter 〈◊〉〈◊〉 our teares.
• * 1.14

  We laugh and weepe dive••sly for the selfe∣same causes.
• * 1.15

  Neither they commendable who laugh al∣wayes, nor they who mourne.