The thrie tailes of the thrie priests of Peblis Contayning manie notabill examples and sentences, and (that the paper should not be voide) supply it with sundrie merie tailes, verie pleasant to the reider, and mair exactlie corrected than the former impression.

MERY TAILES.

ANe cunning Painter thai•• was dwelling in London, quhilk had a fair ʒoung wyfe, and for things he had to do went ouer the Sea, bot be∣cause he was sumquhat ••elou•• he prayed his wyfe to be con∣••ent that he micht paint ane lambe vpon hir belly, and pray¦ed hir that it micht remaine thair til he come hame againe, quhairwith sho was content. After quhilk lambe sa painted, he departed, and sone efter that ane lustie ʒoung Merchant, a Bacheler came and s••••ted his wyfe and obtayned hir fauour, so that sho was content that he sould lye with hir, quha resort∣ed to hir, and had his pleasour often tymis And on a tyme he tuke a Pensel, and to the ••ambe he painted twa hornes, wening to the wyfe that he had bot re∣freshed the auld painting Bot at the last about a ʒeir after hir husband came hame againe, & the first nicht he lay with his wyfe he luked vpon his ••••ues belly and saw the twa horne•• painted thair, hee said to his wyf that some other body had bene beside thair, and maid a new painting, for the picture that he painted had na hornes, & this hath hornes. To quhom his wyfe shortly answered and said: ʒea sir, remember that it is a ʒeir past and mair sen ʒe went, and thocht it war bot a lambe quhen ʒe went, now perdie, it

must neids be a sheip and haue hornes by the course of nature, and thairfoir ʒe must be con∣tent. This man heiring his wyfis resonabill answer, held him content, & asked no moir▪

¶Of him that played, &c.

IT fortunit that in a market Toun in the county of Suffolk their was a stage play, in the quhi••k play one called Iohne Adroynes, quhisk dwelled in another village two myles frō th••nce played the deuil. And quhen the play was done, this Iohn Adroynes in the euening departit from the said market Toun, to go hame to his awin hous. And becaus he h••d thair no change of clothing, he went forth in his Deuils apparell, quhilk in that way comming hame ward, he came throwe a warren of co••es belanging to a gentilman of the village, quhair he himself dwelt. At quhilk tyme it fortuned ane Preist a Vicar of a Kirk there∣by with two or thrie vnthriftie fellowes, had brocht with them a hors a hey and a Ferit, to the intent thair to get co∣nyes. And quhen the ferit was in the eirth & the hey set ouer the path way quhair this Iohn Adroines sould cum, this preist and his other fellowis saw him him come in the Deuils ray∣ment considdering that they wer in the deuils seruice and steiling of conies, & supposing it had bene the deuil in deid, sor feir thay ran all away. This Iohne Adroynes in the deuils rayment becaus it was sūquhat

dark saw not the hey bot went forth in haist & stumblit thair at, and fell doun, that with the fall he had almoist brocken his neck Bot quhen he was a littill reuiued, he luked and spied it was a hey to catch conies, and luked forther and saw yat they ran away for fei•• of him, and saw a hors tyed to a bush laden with conyes quhilk thay had taken, and he tuke the hors and the hay and leipt vpon the hors & rode to the gentilmans place that was Lord of the Warren, to the intent to haue thanks for taking such a praye. And quhen he come thether, hee knockit at the ʒet and anon an of the gentilmans seruants ask∣ed quha wes thair, and sodenlie opened the ʒet, and as sone as he perceued him in the deuils rayment, he was sodinly abash∣ed, and barred the dore againe, and went vnto his Maister, and said and swore vnto his Maister, that the deuil was at the ʒet and would cum in. The Gentilman heiring him tell so, called another of his seruants, and bade him go to the ʒet to knowe quho was thair. This second seruant come to the ʒet, and durst not open it, bot asked with a loud voyce quho was thair. This Iohne Adroynes in the deuils apparell answered with a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 voyce and said, tel thy Maister I must neids speik with him or I go. The seruant heiring that answeir supposing it had bene the deuil went in againe to his maister and said thus: it is the

deuil in deid that is at the ʒet, and sayeth he must neids speik with ʒow or he go hence. The gentilman than began a lytill to abash, and called the stewart of hsi hous quhilk was the wy¦sest seruant that hee had, and bad him ga to the ʒet and bring him sui•• word quha was thair. This stewart, becaus he thocht he wald see suirlie quha was thair came to the ʒet and lukit throuch the chaines of the ʒet in diuers places, and saw weill it was a deuil sitting vpon ane horsse, and saw vpon the sadel tor••is the cony heidis hing∣ing dou••. Than he came to his maister affrayd in greit haist & said, sweiring, it is the deuil in deid that is at the ʒet sitting v∣pon a horse laden al with saulis, and by lyklihode he is come for ʒour saull purpoislie and lacketh bot it, and gif he had it, I wene he wald be gone. The Gentilman heiring this, was meruelously afraide, and called his Chaplen, and maid the ha∣ly candill to be lich••, and gat halie water, and went to the ʒet with als manie seruants as durst ga with him, quhair the Chaplen with halie words of conjuratioun said: In the name of the Father and sone and the halie gaist, I conjure thee and charge the•• in the halie name of God to tell mee quhy and quhairfoir thou cumest hither. This Iohne Adroynes in the deuils apparell heiring thame begin to conjure efter sik ma∣ner, said: Nay nay be not afraid, for I am a gude Deuill, I am

Iohne Adroyns ʒour nichbour, dwelling in this Toun, and he that played the deuil to day in the play. I haue brocht my maister a dozen or twa of his aw•••• co••yes that wer stol••e in his warren, and thair horse and thair hey and made thame for feir to run away. And q••hen yai hard him thus speik, by his voyce knew him weil meuch, and opened ye ʒ••t, and 〈◊〉〈◊〉 him cum in. And sa al the foirsaid feir and dreid was turned to myrth and sport.

¶The sick man, &c.

THAIR was a ritch man quhilk lay ••air sick in his bed like to die, quhair foir his eldest sone came to him and besechit him to giue him his blessing. To quhome the Father said, Son, thou sal haue Gods bles∣sing and myne, and because thou hes bene euer gude of con¦dicions. I giue and bequeth the al my Land. To quhome he answered and said: nay Father, I trust ʒe sall lyue and occupy them ʒour self be Gods grace. Sone efter that come his secōd son lykewayis, and desyred his blessing. To quhome the father said, because thou hast bene e∣uer kynde and gentil, I giue ye Gods blessing and myne, and bequeth the all my moueabill gudes, to quhome he answer∣ed and said, na Father, I trust ʒow sal liue and do weil and spend and vse ʒour gudes ʒour self by Gods grace. Anon efter that the thrid son came to him & desired his blising, to quhom the father answered and said,

because thou hest bene euill & stubborne and wouldest neuer be ruled 〈◊〉〈◊〉 counsel, I haue nei∣ther lands nor gudes vnbeque∣thed, bot only ane litill v••cand ground quhair a gallows stan∣deth, quhilk now I giue & be∣queth vnto thee, & gods cursse withall To quhom his son an∣swered as his brethren did, and sa••de, nay father, I trust ʒe sall liue and be in gude health, and haue it and occupy it ʒour selfe by Gods grace. Bot efter the father dyed, and this thrid Son so continued stil in his vnthrif∣tie condicions, quhairfoir it wes his fortoun efterwarde for his deseruing to be hanged on the same gallowes.

¶The scholer that bare his, &c. IN the Vniuersitie of Oxford thair was a scholer that delytit mekill to speik eloquent En∣glish, and curious termes, and come to the Cobler with his shoes (quh••lk war pyked befoir as they ••sed in that seloun) to haue them clouted, and said in this wyse, Cobler I pray the set me two traingles, and two se∣micircles vpon my subpeditales & I sal giue the for thy labour. The Cobler becaus he vnder∣stude him not half weil answer¦ed shortlie and said, Sir, ʒou•• e∣loquence passeth my intelli∣gence, bot I promise ʒow gif ʒe medle with me, the clouting of ʒour shone wil cost ʒow sax∣tene pennies.

¶A womans tong, &c.

A certaine artificer of London thair was quhilk was soir sick and could not weill disgest his

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¶The husband man that, &c.

IT fortuned that a Freir ••••it in the euening desyred lodging of a puir man in the cunt••e, quhilk for lack of vther lodg∣ing (glad to harbour the freir) lodged him in his awin bed, & being a sleip, the man and wyse come efter and lay in the same bed. In the morning ef••er the pouir man ••ose, & went to 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ke••, leauing the friar in the bed wi••h his wyfe, and as hee went, he smyled and lauched to him∣self, quhairfoir his nichtbours demanded of him quhy he so smyled. He answered 〈◊〉〈◊〉, I lauch to think ho•• 〈◊〉〈◊〉 fast ye freir wil be quhen. 〈◊〉〈◊〉.

¶The Preist that said, &c.

THE Archdeacon of Essex that had hene lang in authority in the time of visitation quhen all the Preists appeired befoir him, called asyde thrie of the ʒong Preists, quhilk wer accu∣sed that thay culd not say thair diuine seruice••, and asked of them quhen thay said masse, quhither ye•• said corpus meus, or corpum meum. The first Preist said, that he said corpus meus•••• The second said that he said corpum meum. And quhē he asked of the thrid how hee saide, hee answered and saide thus. Sir becaus it is sa greit a dout, and diuers men be in dy∣uers opinions, thairfoir becaus I would be sure, I would not offend, quhen I come to the place I leiue it cleine out, and say nothing thairof. Quhair∣foir the Archdeacon openlie rebuked thē al thrie, bot dyuers

that war present thocht more default in him becaus he him∣self had admitted them to be Preists.

Of two freirs the one loued &c

Two Freirs sat at gentilmans table, quhilk had befoir him on a fishe day ane Ele, and cut the heid of the Ele and layd it v∣pon ane of the Freirs trencher, bot the freir becaus he would haue had the midle part of the Ele, said to the Gentilman hee loued no Ele heids. This Gen∣tilman also cut the tail and ••aid it on the vther freirs trencher, he lykewayis becaus he would haue of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 midle pairt of the Ele, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 loued no Ele tails. the gentilman persauing that▪ gaue the taill to him that said he loued not the heid, & gaue the heid to him that said he lo∣ued not the taill. And as for that midle pairt of the Ele he did ei•• part himself, and part he gaue to vther folk at the table, quhairfoir those freirs for an∣ger would eit neuer a morsell, and so thay for al thair craft & subtiltie wer not onlie deceued of the best morsell of the Ele, bot thairof had no part at al.

¶Of the four Elements.

In the auld Warld quhen all things could speik, the foure Elements met togidder for ma¦nie things quhilk they had to do, becaus thay must alwayis medle ane w••th another, and had communication of dyuers maters, and becaus thay could not conclude all thair maters at that sesoun, they appoynted to breik communicatioun for

that tyme, and to meit againe another tyme, thairfoir ilk ane of them shawed to vther quhair thair maist abyding was, giue neid sould requyre. And first the Earthe said, Brethren ʒe knaw weil as for me I am per∣manent alway, & not remoue∣abill, thairfoir ʒe may be sure to haue mee alway quhen ʒe list. The Water said giue ʒe list to seik mee, vnder a too•••• of grene rashis, or els in a woman•• eye. The Wind said, giue ʒe list to spelk with mee, ʒe sal be sure to haue mee 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the Aspin leues, or els in a womans tong. Then quod the fyre, giue anie of ʒow list to seik mee, ʒe sal e∣uer be sure to find me in a flint, or els in a womans hart.

¶A weddit man yat come, &c.

A certaine wedded man thair wes quhilk quhen he wes deid come to heuen ʒets to S. Peter, and said he came to claime his heritage quhilk he had deser∣ued. S. Peter asked him quhat he wes, and he said a wedded man, anon S. Peter opened th•• ʒets, and bade him cum in, and said hee wes worthie to haue his heritage, becaus he had bein much troubled, and was wor∣thie a Crown of glorie. Anone oster that come another man cleaming heuin, and said to S. Peter that he had two wyues, to quhom S. Peter answered & said: cum in for thou art wor∣thie of doubil crowne of glory, for thou hest had doubil trou∣bil. At the last thair come the third cleming his heritage, and said to S. Peter that he had had

thrie wyues, & desyred to cum in. Quhat quod S. Peter, thou hast bene once troublit, and thairof deliuered, and then wil∣linglie wouldest be troublit a∣gane, & ʒit agane thairof deliue¦red, and for all that could not beware the thrid tyme, bot en∣trest willingly in troubil agane, thairfoir go thy way to Hel, for thow sal neuer cum in Heuin, for thou art not worthie.

¶Marchant that charged, &c.

A ritch Marchant of London thair wes that had a sone that was sumquhat vnthrifty, their∣foir his father vpon his deith∣bed called him to him and said, he knew weil that he had bene vnthriftie, how cit ••f he knew he wold amend his conditions, he wold mak him his executor & leiue him his gudes, so that he wold prome••s him to pray for his saul, & to find ane dayly to sing for him. Quhilk thing to performe his son thair maid a faithful promise. After that this man maid him his execu∣tour and died, bot efter that his son kepit sik riot that in short tyme he had wasted and spent al, and had nothing left bot a Hen and a Cock that was his Fathers. It fortuned then that an of his freinds came to him & said he was sorie that he had waisted so much, & asked him him how he would performe his promise maid to his Father that he would keip one to sing for him. This ʒong man answe∣red and said. By my trouth I will ʒit performe my promise, for I wil keip yis same cok aliue

stil, and he wil crow euery day, & so he sal sing euerie day for my fathers soule, & then I wil performe my promise weill yneuch.

¶Of the Gentelman that bare.

A Drapier being a Widower dwelling at Holburne Bridge in London had a fair Dochter, quhom a ʒong gentelman of Dauies In, wowed soir to haue his plesoure of her, quhilk by long sute maid to hir, at the last granted him, and pointed him to cum vpon a nich•• to hir fa∣thers hous in the euening, and sho would convoy him into a chamber secretlie, quhilk was ane inner chamber within hir fathers chamber. So according to the pointment all thing was performed so that he lay with hir al nicht til about four hour¦es in the morning, at quhilk tyme it fortuned this Gentel∣man fell a coching, quhilk come vpon him so sore, that he coulde not refraine. This wench then feiring hir Father that lay in the nixt chamber, bade him go put his heid in the draucht, leist that hir Father sould heir him, quha efter hir counsel rose in his shirt and did so. Bot then becaus of the sa∣uor of the draucht, it caused him to cough much moir low∣der, that the wenches father hard it, and asked of his douch¦ter quhat man it was that coch¦ed in hir chamber. Scho answe∣red and said na bodie, bot euer this ʒoung man coughed still more and more, quhome the father heiring said, surely hure

thou liest, I wil se quha is thair and rose out of his bed, this wench persauing hir father ry∣sing, come to the gentilman & said, tak heid sir to ʒour self, for my father cumeth. This gen∣tilman sodenlie theiwith a∣bashed would haue pulled his heid out of the draught hole, quhilk wes verie straight for it, that he pulled the seegebord vp theirwith, and hinging about his neck, ran vpon her father being ane auld man, and gaue him a greit fal & bair him doun and hurt his arme. and opened the durs, and ran into the streit with the draught bord about his neck toward Dauids In, as fast as he could. This wenche for feir ran out of hir fathers hous & come not yair a month efter, this gentilman as he ran vp Hoburn bridge, met with a Colʒears cart loden with coils, quhair thair was two or thrie skittish horses, quhilk quhen they saw the gentilman runing start aside and threw doun the cart with coles, & drew it aside and brak the cart rope quhair∣by the coles fel out, sum in ane place and sum in another, and efter the horses brak thair tra∣ces, and ran sum toward smith¦feild, and sum toward Newgat, that the Colier ran efter them, and was ane houre and mair, or he could get his horses to∣gidder againe, by quhilk tyme the pepill of the streit wer risen, and come to the streit and saw it strawin with coles, euerie one for his pairt gathered vp the coles, that the maist pairt

wer gone, or the Colʒier had gotten his horses. Bot during this quhyle, the Gentelman went throuch Sant Androwes Kirk-ʒard toward Dauids In, and thair met with the sexten cumming to ring to morning masse, quhilk quhen he saw the Gentelman in the Kirk-ʒard in his sark, with the draucht bord about his nek, did think it had bene a Spreit, and cryed, alace, alace, a Spreit, and ran back a∣gane to his hous almost at the 〈◊〉〈◊〉, and for feir was almost out of his wit, that hee was worse halfe a ʒeir efter. This Gentel∣man then becaus Dauids In ʒets wer not open, went on the backside, and lap ouer the Gar∣dein wall, bot in leiping the draucht bord sa troublit him that he fell doun into the Gar∣den, and had almaist broken his neck, and thair he lay still til the Principal come into the Garden, quhilk quhen he law him ly thair, had wont yat sum man had bene slayne and thair cast ouer the wall, and durst not cum neir him, till hee had called vp his cumpanie, quhilk quhen manie of the Gentel∣men wer cum togither, luked vpon him and knew him, and efter releued him, bot the bord that was about his neck caused his heid so to swell, that thay could not get it off, till thay wer faine to cut it off with aix∣es.

¶Of the Marchants wyfe, &c

A Marchants wyfe thair was in Bow parish in London, sum∣quhat stept in age, to quhom••

hir mayde come on a Sonday in Lent efter denner, and said, Maisters quod she, they ring at S. Thomas of Acres, for thair salbe a sermon preiched thair. To quhom hir Mistres answe∣red & said, Marie Gods blissing haue thy hart for wairning me thairof, and becaus I sleipt not weill all this nycht, I pray thee bring my stule with thee, for I wil go thair to luke quhither I can take a nap thair quhile the Preist is preiching.

¶Of the woman that said, &c.

THAIR was a certaine of wemen gathered together, and in communication ane hapned to say that hir Gryses efter they wer ferriet died and would not liue, and ane auld wyfe of hir acquantance heiring hir say sa, bad hir get a Cuckolds hat, and put the Gryses thairin a quhile efter thay war ferriet, and thay sould liue. Quhilk wyfe inten∣ding to do efter her counsell, come to ane of hir Cummers quhair yat medicine was tauld hir for hir Gryses, & prayed hir to lend hir, hir Husbands hat. Quhilk answered angerlie and said, I wold thou knew it ladrō I haue nane, for my husband is no Cuckold, for I am a gude woman. And so lykwayis euery woman answered hir in lyke maner, that sho departed from manie of them in anger and scolding. Bot quhen sho saw sho could get nane, sho come agane to hir Cummers all an∣gerly & said, I haue gane round about to borrow a Cuckolds hat, & can get nane, quhairfoir

if I leif another ʒeir, I wil haue ane of my awin, and be out of my nichtbours danger.

Of the Gentelman that &c.

A Gentelman and a Gentelwo∣mā sat togither talking, quhilk Gentelman had greit paine in ane of his teith, and happened to say to the Gentel-woman thus: Surely Mistris I haue a toeth in my heid, quhilk gre∣ueth me verie sore, quhairfoir I would it wer in ʒour tail. Sho heiring him say sa, answered thus, in gude faith sir, if ʒour toeth war in my taill it could do it dot lytil gude, bot if thair be ony thing in my tail yat can do ʒour toeth gude, I would it war in it.

¶The Gentilman that said, &c.

A ʒong Gentelman of the age of xx. ʒeir, sumquhat disposed to mirth and game, on a tyme talked with a Gentel-woman quhilk was richt wyse and also mery. this gentelwoman as sho talk•••• with him hapned to luk vpon his beard, quhilk was bot ʒoung, and sumquhat growen vpon the ouer lip, and bot lytill growen beneath, as all vther mens beards vse commonly to grow, and said to him. Sir, ʒe haue a beard aboue, & none be¦neath. And he heiring hir say sa said in sport: Maistres ʒe haue a beard beneth and none aboue. Mary qd she then set the one a∣gainst the vther, quhilk answer maid the Gentelman so abaʒed y^• he had not a word to answer.

¶The freir that said ou••, &c.

THAIR was a certaine quhyte Freir quhilk was a verie

glutton, & a greit nigard quhilk had ane vngracious boye that euer followed him and bare his clocke, and quhat for the Freirs gluttonie, and for his churlishnes, the boye quhair he went coult scant ger meit y∣neuch, for the Freir would eit almaist all him self. Bot on a tyme the Freir maid a Sermon ••n the Cuntrie, quhairin hee touched verie monie miracles quhilk Christ did befoir his pas¦sion, amang quhilk he specially rehersed the miracle, quhilk Christ did in feiding v. M. pei∣pil with fyue laifis of breid, & twa si shes. And this Freirs boy quhilk caired not grei••lie for his Maister, heiring him say sa, and considdering that his Ma∣ster was sa greit a Churll and glutton, answered with a lowd voyce, that al the Kirk hard, & said. By my trouth Maister yan thair was na freirs thair, quhilk answeir maid all the peipill to fal on sik a lauching, that for shame the Freir went out of Pulpet. And as for the Freirs boye he departed then out of Kirk, that the Freir neuer saw him efter.

¶The Franklin that wold, &c.

A rich Franklin dwelling in ye cuntrie had a Freir vsing to his hous of quhom he could neuir be red, and had taried with him the space of a seuin nichts, and would neuer depart. Quhair∣foir the Franklin being wearie of him, on a tyme as he and his wyfe and this Freir sat togither at supper, feinʒied himself an∣grie with his wyfe, in so much

he said he would beat hir. The ••reir persauing weil quhat they went about, said thus. Maister Franklin, I haue bene heir this seuin nichts, quhen ʒow we•• freinds, and wil tarie heir this foure nichts longer, bot I wil se ʒow freinds agane or I gang. This man persauing that hee could do na gude, nor would not depart be na honest meine, answered him shortly and said. By my faith thow sal byde heir na langer and tuke him be the shoulders and thrust him out of the durs by violence.

¶The Gentelman that, &c.

IN Essex thair dwelt a merie Gentelman, quhilk had a cuke called Thomas, that was greit∣ly dieised with the worme, and complayned to his Maister yair of, quhilk said he had a buke of Medecines, and said he would luke in his buik, to s•• quhither he could ••inde onie medecine thairin for it, and so sent ane of his Dauchters to his studie for his buik, and incontinent lukit vpon it a lang sesoun, and then said thus to his cuke: Thomas quod he heir is a medecine for ʒour worme, and it is a charme, bot it wil do ʒow na gude ex∣cep ʒe knele on ʒour kneis, and ask it for Sanct Charitie. This man glad to be releised of his paine, kneiled and said: Maister for Sanct Charitie let me haue the medecine. Then quod this Gentelman, kneil on ʒour kne∣is and say efter me, quhilk kne∣led doun and said efter him as he bade him. This Gentelman began and said thus. The sone

on the Sonday, the Sone on the Sonday, qd Thomas, the Mone on the Monday, the Mone on the Monday, the Trinity on the Twyisday, the Trinity on the Twyisday, The wit on the ••ed∣nisday, the wit on the Wednis∣day, The holy holy Thurisday, The holy holy Thurisday. And all that fast on Fryday, and all that fast on Fryday. Schyte in thy mouth on Satterday. This Cuke heiring his Maister thus mocking him, in anger start vp and said: A thou moking chu••ll I will neuer do the seruice mair and went forth to his Cham∣ber to get his geare together, to the intent to haue gone thence by and by. Bot quhat for the anger he tuke with his Maister, for the mock that hee gaue him, and quhat for the labour that hee tuke to gather his geir sa schortlie together, the payne of the worme went from him and maid that his maister come to him and maid him to tarie still, and told him that his Charme was the caus of the ease of the payne of the worme.

Of the fule that said he wold. A fule thair was that dwelled with a Gentelman in the Cun∣trie quhilk was callit a greit ty¦rant, & ane extortioner Bot yis fule luifed his Maister maruel∣lously, becaus he cherishit him so weil, it hapned vpon a sesoun an of the Gentelmans seruants said to the fule as thay talked of sermon maters, by my truth ••ack qd he, would to God that thow and I wer both in heuin.

Nay by Lady qd the f••le I will not go to heuin, for I had le∣uer go to hel. I wil go with my master for I am sure my master sal go to hel becaus euerie man sayeth that he sal go to hel, & thairfoir I wil go with him.

The plowmans sone that, &c.

THAIR was a certane Plow∣mans sone of the cuntrie, of ye age of xvi ʒeirs, yat come neuer much amang cumpanie, bot al way went to pleuch & husband¦rie. On a tyme this ʒoug Lad went to a weding with his fa∣ther, quhair he saw ane play v∣pon a Lute, and quhen he com hame agane, his mother asked him quhat sporte hee had sen••. This Lad an swered and said: by my truth mother quod he their wes one that brocht a Goose betwene his armes, and tyckled hir sa vpon the neck, that sho crecked the swetest that euer I hard Goose creck in my lyfe▪

¶The Madyns answer, &c.

IN a Marchants hous in Lon∣don thair was a Mayd quhilk was with chyld, to quhom the Maistresse of the house come and charged hir to tell quha was the father of the Chylde. To quhome the madin answe∣red, Forsuith no body. Quhy qd the maisters, it is not possibill bot sum man must bee father of the chylde, To quhome the Madyn said: Quhy Maisters, quhy may not I haue a Chyld without a man, alsweill as a Hen to lay eg•• without a Cock.

¶The seruant that rimed, &c.

A gentelman thair was dweling neir Kingston vpon Thames,

ryding in the country with his seruant, quha was not ane of the quickest in the warlde, bot euer ryding sadly by his mai∣ster, and had very fewe wordis: his master said to him, Iohne, Quhy rydest thow sa sadly? I wald haue the to tell me some mery rails for to passe the time withall. Be my trouth master quod he, I ca•• tel no tailis: quhy quod his master, can thou not sing? No be my treuth said the seruant, I coulde neuer sing in all my life: quod the master, can thou ryme than? Neyther can I do sa saide he, bot gif ʒe will begin to ryme I will follow as weill as I can. Then saide the master, that is weill said, then will I begin to mak ane ryme, let me se how weill thou canst follow. Sa the master musit ane quhyle, & then began to ryme thus: Many mens Swans sow∣mes in the Loch, & sa domine. Then quod Iohn, And many a man lyes by other ma••s wifes, and sa do I by thine. Quhat do ʒe huirsone, quod the maister? Be my trueth maister, nathing qd. he, bot maks vp that ryme. Bot quod the master, I charge the tell me quhy thou sayis sa. Forsuith maister quod hee, for nathing in the warlde, bot to mak vp ʒour ryme. Then quod the master, gif thou doest it for nathing els I am content: sa his master forgaue him his saying.

¶The wife that bade hir &c.

THE husband saide to the wife on this wife, Be this can∣dell I dreamed this nicht that I was ane cuckald. To quhome

scho answered and said, Hus∣band, by this breid ʒe ar none. Then said he wyfe eit the breid Scho answered and said to hir husband, then eit ʒow the can∣dell, for ʒow swore first.

¶Of the woman that, &c.

A woman demandit a question of a ʒoung Chylde, sone vnto a man of Law: Of quhat craft his father wes, quhilk Chylde said his father was a craftie man of Law.

Of him that sauld richt nocht.

A Certaine fellow thair was quhilk proferred a dagger to sel to a fellow of his, quhilk an∣swered him and said, that hee had richt nocht to giue him for it, quhairfoir the vther said yat he sould haue the dager vpon that condition that he sould deliuer vnto him yairfoir with∣in sax days efter, richt nocht, or els twenty poundis in money, quhairof this vther was contēt. This bargaine thus agreit that he suld d••liuer this richtnocht, tuke no thocht vntill the tyme that the daye appointed dr••w neir: at the quhilk tyme he be∣gan to imagine how hee micht deliuer to this man richtnocht, and first of al he thocht on ane fether, a straw, a pynne, a point, & such vther, bot nothing culd he deuyse bot it was sumquhat, quhairfoir hee come hame all sad and pensiue, for sorrow for leesing of his xxl. and could nei¦ther sleip nor tak rest, quhair∣foir his wyfe seing him greued, demanded the cause of his he∣uines, quhilk at the last e••ter many denyes told hir all, weill

sir quod sho, let me heir with alone, and get ʒow furth off Town, and I sal handil the ma∣ter weil yneuch. This man fol∣lowing his wyues counsel went forth off the Town, and let his wyfe schift. This woman then hanged vp ane earthen pot, quhairof the bottome was out vpon the wall by a cord. And quh••n this vther man come, & asked for the gudeman, scho said he was not within. Bot sir quod scho I knaw ʒour eirrand weil yneuch, for I wore weil ʒe would haue of my husband xx punds, becaus hee can not de∣lyuer to ʒow this daye richt∣noucht. Thairfoir Sir quod scho put ʒour hand in ʒonder pot, and take ʒour monie. This man being glade, thrust his hand in it, supposing to haue taken twentie poundes of mo∣nie, and thrust his hand thruch it vp to the elbowe. Quoth the wyfe then, sir quhat haue ʒow thair: Marie quod he richt∣noucht, Sir quod scho then haue ʒe ʒowre bargane, and then my Husband hath conten¦ted ʒow for his dagger, accor∣ding to his promyse.

¶ The boy that bare the, &c.

A Certaine Freir had an boye, quhilk euer beare this freirs mo¦ny. And on a tyme quhen the boy was far behind his maister▪ as they two walked together by the way, their met a man the freir quhilk knew that the boy bure the freirs mony & said, ma¦ste•• Freir sall I bid the boy hye him a pace efter the, ʒea quod the freir, then went the man to

the boy and said sirra thy Ma∣ster biddeth ye giue me xl pence I will not quod the boye, then called the man with a hie voice to the freir and said, Sir he sayis hee will not. Then quod the Freir, beate him. And quhen the boye hard his maister say so he ga••e the man xl pence.

¶The courteour & the carter.

Thair come a Courteour by a Carter, the quhilk in derision praised the carters black legges, & vther members of his bodye marvelously, quhais moking ye Carter persaued, & said he had an vther property then he saw. And quhen the Courteour had demanded quhat it sould be, he luked aside ouer his shoulder v∣pon the Courteour and said thus: Lo sir this is my property, I haue a wall eye in my heid, for I neuer luke ouer my shoul¦der this way, bot commonly I espy a knaue.

¶The freir in the pulpit, &c.

IN a certane parish kirk in Lon¦don efter the olde accustomed maner, thair was a Freir Minor althocht hee were not the best Clark, nor culd not mak ye best sermons, ʒit by the licence of ye Curate he thair preiched to the Parishoners. Amang the quhilk audience thair was ane wyfe at that tyme lytill disposed to contemplacion, talked with a cūmer of hirs of vther feminine tailes so loud, that the Freir ha••d, and some quhat was per∣turbed thairwith, to quhome therefore oppenlie the Frear spake, and said, thow woman thair in the tawyne gown, hold

thy peace and leif thy babling, thou troublest ye word of god. This woman thairwith sodenly abaʒed becaus the freir spak to hir, answered shortly and said, I beshrow his hart that bableth most of vs two. At the quhilk saying the peipil merely lauch∣ed, bee ••s thay felt bot a lytill frute in his sermon.

The man that had the dum, &c

THAIR was a man that mar••∣it a woman quhilk had greit riches and bewtie, howbeit sho had such impediment of nature that sho was dumbe and could not speik, quhilk thing maid him to be rich: pensiue and sad. Quhairfoir vpon a day as hee walkit alone richt heuy in his hart thinking vpon his wyfe. Thair come one to him and asked him, quhat was the cause of his heuines? Quhilk answe∣red that it was only becaus his wyfe was dumbe. To quhome this vther said, I sal schaw the sone a remedy and a medicine thairfoir, and that is this, go tak an Aspin leife, and lay it vnder hir toung this nicht sho being a sleip, and I warrand the that sho sal speik on the morne, the man being glade of this medi∣cine, prepared thairfoir and ga∣thered Aspin leifis, quhairof he laid thrie of thē vnder hir tong quh••n sho was a sl••ip. And on the morrow quhen he himselfe awalked, he being desirous to knaw how his medicine wrocht being in bed with hir, hee de∣manded of hir how sho did, and sodenly sho answered and said: I beshrow ʒour hart for

waking me sa airlie. And sa by the vertew of that medicine sho was restord to hir speich: Bot in conclusion h••r speich so incressed day be day, and scho was sa curst of condition, that euery day sho brauled and chid with hir husband so much, that at the last hee was more vexed and had much more troubill and diseise with hir schrewd words then he had befoir quhē sho was dum. Quhairfoir as he walked another tyme alone, he happened to meit agane with the same person that tauld him the said medicine, and said to him in this wyse: Sir ʒe tald me a medicine but lait to make my dum wyfe speik, bidding me lay an Aspin leife vnder hir toung quhen sho sleipt, and I laid thr•• Aspin leifis their, quhairfoir scho now speiketh, bot ʒit scho speiketh so much, & so shrewd∣ly, that I am more weirie of hir now, then I was befoir quhen sho was dum. Quhairfor I pray ʒow teich me a medicine to mo lyfy her, that scho speik not so much. This vther answered and said thus: sir I am a Deuill of hel, and am one of them that hath leist power thair, all be it I haue power to make a woman speik, I nor al the Deuils of hell that haue the maist power, be not abill to make a woman be stil, nor cause hir to leiue hir speiking.

¶The proctor of Archies, &c.

ANE asked a Proctor of the Archies laitely befoir maryed, quhy he chuse him sa lytill a wyfe, quhilk answered, because

the had a Text saying thus, Ex∣duobus malis, minus malum est eligendum, that is to say in En∣glish. Among all euil things, ye leist is to be chosen.

¶The Eusquyre that sould, &c.

QVHEN the most nobil Prince, King Edwarde of Eng∣land maid 〈◊〉〈◊〉 in France with a greit pui••ant Armie of peopil quhom the French King with an vther grit host encountered And quhen the two hosts suld joyne, and the trumpets began to blowe, a ʒong Squyer of Ing∣land riding vpon a lusty corler, quhilk horse heiring the noyse of the Trumpets, so pricked his corage yat the Squyre culd not retayne him, so that aganst his wil hee run vpon his enemies,, quhilk seing no vther remedie, set his Speir in the rest▪ and rod throuch the thickest of his e∣nemies, and in conclusion had gude fortoun and saued him∣self alyue without hurt, and ye English host followed & had the victorie. And efter quhen the feild was done, the King Edward called the Squyer, and bad him kneil doun for he wald mak him knycht, becaus he va∣liently played the man yat day, quhilk with a most corragious stomock aduentured first vpon their enemies, To quhome the Squyre thus answered, if it lyke ʒour Grace to make ony bodie Knicht thairfoir, I beseich ʒow to mak my hors knicht & not me, for certes it was his deid & not mine, & soir aganst my wil Quhilk answer the king heir∣ing, refraned to promot him to

the order of knichthude, reput∣ing him in maner but for a cow¦ard, & euer fauourt him ye les.

¶The woman that dyd, &c.

A ʒoung man lait maryed to a wyfe, thocht it was gude poli∣cie to get the mastrie of hir in the beginning. He come to hir, the pot seething ouer the fyre, althocht ye meit yairin was no•• yneuch, sodenly commanded her to take pot from the fyre, quhilk answered, and saide, that the meit was not redie to cit. And he saide againe I will haue it taken of for my plesour This gude woman loth to of∣fend him set the pot besyde the fyre as he bad hir, And anone commanded hir to set ye pot be¦hind the dure, And sho said a∣gane, ʒe be not wyse thairin. Bot he precislie said it sould be as he bad. And sho gentlie agane did his commandement. This man not ʒit satisfyit, com∣maunded her to set the pot on hie vpon the Hen rouff. Quhat quod the wyfe, I trow ʒe be mad, and he fercely com∣manded hir to set it on thair, or else hee saide scho sould re∣pent it, Scho some quhat af∣frayed to moue his pacience, tuke a ladder and set it to the rouff, & went hir self vpon the ladder, and tuke the pot in hir hand, praying hir Husband•• then to hold the ladder fast for slyding, quhilk hee did. And quhen the husband luked vp & saw ye pot stand yair on hie, he said thus: Loe, now standeth the pot thair as I woulde haue it, this wyfe heiring yat sodenly

poured the hait pottage on his heid and said thus: and now be the pottage thair as I would haue them.

¶The scholer of Oxford, &c

A riche Frankling in the cuntry, hauing by his wyfe bot ane Chylde and na ma, for the grit affection that he had to his said Chylde, found him at Oxford to scule by the the space of twa or thrie ʒeir. This ʒoung scoller in the vacants for his disporte come hame to his father. It fortuned efterward on a nicht, the father, the mother, and the said ʒoung scoller sitting at sup¦per, hauing befoir yem na mair incit bot only a couple of chik∣ens, the father faid in this wise, Sone, sa it is that I haue spent much mony vpon the, to find the at scole, quhairfoir I haue grit desyre to knaw quhat thou learnest. To quhome the Sone answered & said. Father I haue studyit Sophistry, and by that science, I can proue that these twa Chickens in the dische be thrie Chickens, Marie said the Father that would I faine see. The scoller tuke one of the Chickens in his hand, and said: Loe heir is ane Chicken, and in continent hee tuke both the Chickens in his hand joyntlie, and said heir is two Chickens, and ane and twa maketh thrie, Ergo, thair is thrie Chickens. Then the father tuke ane of the Chickens himself, and gaue another to his wyfe, and said thus: Lo I wil haue ane of the Chickens to my part, and thy mother sall haue another, and

becaus of thy gude argument thou shalt haue the third to thy supper, thow gets no moir mei•• heir at this tyme, quhilk pro∣meis the father kept, and so the scholer went without his sup∣per.

¶Of the Courtier yat did, &c.

A Courtier & a Friar hapned to meet together in a fery boat, & in communication betwen thē fell at angry wo••des, and being displeased one with ano••her, fought & strugled together, ••o that at th•• last the Co••rtier cast the Friar 〈…〉〈…〉, and 〈◊〉〈◊〉 was 〈…〉〈…〉 man quhilk had ben 〈◊〉〈◊〉 o•• weir the maist part of his lyfe befoir, and ••eing the Freir drouned and gone, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 thus to the Courteour, I beshrew thy har••, ••how souldest haue taryed and foucht with him a land, for now thow hest caused me to lose ane halfpeny for my fare.

¶Of the Freir ••••at, &c.

A 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the Pulpit being pre∣ching verie ••ond things, among vther maters spak of mens sauls and said thay war so maruelous and so subtill that a thowsand soules micht dance in the com∣pas of a nayle of a mans finger. Amang quhilk audience thair was a merie conceyted fellow of small deuotion, that answe∣red and said thus, Maister Freir, if that a thowsand soules may daunce on a mans nayle, I pray yow then quhair sall the Py∣per stand.

¶Of the Schomaker &c.

THAIR was a shomaker sitting in his shop, that saw a Colʒier

come by and ••hocht to deride him, becaus he was so blak, & asked him quhat tydings was in hel and how the Deuil faird, To quhome the Colʒier said, the Deuill faired weill quhen I saw him last, for he was tiding forch, and taryed bot for a sow∣tar to pluck of his bootes.

¶The freir ya•• said dirge for ye.

VPON a tyme certaine we∣men in the Countrie wer ap∣poynted to deryde and mock a Freir, a Lymitour that vsed much to visite them, quhair v∣pon ane of them, a lytill befoir the Freir come had killed ane Hog, and for disporte layde it vnder the burde, efter the ma∣ner of a corse, and told the freir that it was hir gude man, and desyred him to say dirig•• for his saul, quhairfoir the freir & his fellow began Placebo & di∣rige, and so furth said the ser∣uice so 〈◊〉〈◊〉, quhilk the wy∣ues so 〈…〉〈…〉 from lauching, and went into a lytill pa••ler•• to ••auch more at thair pleasoure. These Freirs somequhat sus∣pectit the cause, and quickly or that the wemen wer ware luk∣ed vnder the burde, and spyed that it was a Hog, sodenly tuke it betwene them and bare it haimward as fast as they micht: the wemen seing that, ran efter the Freir and cryed cum agane master freir, cum again, cum a∣gane, and let ••al••one. Nay by my faith quod the Freir he is a brother of ours, and thairfoir he must neids be buryed in our Cloyster. And so the freir ga••

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