The scornful ladie A comedie. As it was acted (with great applause) by the Children of Her Maiesties Reuels in the Blacke Fryers. Written byFra. Beaumont and Io. Fletcher, Gent.

Scaena prima.

Enter the two Louelesses, Sauill the Steward, and a Page.

Eld. Lou.

BRother, is your last hope past to mollifie Moore∣crafts heart about your Morgage?

Yong. Loue.

Hopelesly past: I haue presented the Vsurer with a richer draught, then euer Cleopa∣tra swallowed; he hath suckt in ten thousand pownds worth of my Land, more then hee paid for at a gulpe, without Trumpets.

El. 〈◊〉〈◊〉.

I haue as hard a task to performe in this house.

Yo. Lo.

Faith mine was to make a Vserer honest, or to loose my land.

El. Lo.

And mine is to perswade a passionate woman, or to leaue the Land.

Sauill make the boate stay, I feare I shall begin my vnfor∣tunate iourney this night, though the darkenesse of the night and the roughnes of the waters might easily disswade an vnwilling man.

Sauil.

Sir, your fathers old friends hold it the sounder course for your body and estate, to stay at home, and marry, and propagate, and gouerne in your Countrey, then to tra∣uell for diseases, and returne following the Court in a nightcap, and die without issue.

El. Lo.

Sauill, you shall gaine the opinion of a better

seruant, in seeking to execute, not alter my will, how soe∣uer my intents succeede.

Yo. Lo.

Yonders Mistres Yongloue brother, the graue rubber of your mistres toes.

Enter Mistres Yongloue the waiting woman.

El. Lo.

Mistres Yongloue.

Yong.

M^r. Louelesse, truly wee thought your sailes had beene hoist: my Mistres is perswaded you are Se•…•…-sicke ere this.

El Lo.

Loues she her ill taken vp resolution so dearely? Didst thou moue her for me?

Yong.

By this l•…•…ght that shines, thers no remouing her, if she get a •…•…iffe opinion by the end. I attempted her to day when they say a woman can deny nothing.

El. Lo.

What criticall minute was that?

Yong.

When her smock was ouer her eares: but shee was no more pliant then if it hung about her heeles.

El. Lo.

I prethee doliuer my seruice, and say I desire to see the deere cause of my banishment; and then for France.

Yong.

Ile doe't: harke hether, is that your Brother?

El. Lo.

Yes, haue you lost your memory?

Yong.

As I liue hee's a pretty fellow.

Exit.

Yo Lo.

O this is a sweete Brache.

El. Lo.

VVhy she knows not you.

Yo. Lo.

No, but she offered me once to know her: to this day she loues youth of eighteene; she heard a tale how Cu∣pid ftrooke her in loue with a great Lord in the Tilt-yard, but he neuer sawe her; yet shee in kindnesse would needes weare a willow garland at his wedding. She lou'd all the Players in the last Queenes time once ouer: She was strook when they acted louers, and forsook some when they plaid murtherers. Shee has nine Spurroyals, and the seruants say she hords old gold; and she herselfe pronounces angerly, that the Farmers eldest sonne, or her Mistres husbands Clark that shall be, that marries her, shall make her a iointure of fourescore pounds a yeer; she tels tales of the s•…•…ruing-men.

El. Lo.

Enough, I know her brother. I shall en•…•…reate you onely to salute my Mistres, and take leaue, wee'l part at the staiers.

Enter Lady and waiting woman.

La.

Now Sir, this first part of your will is performed: whats the rest?

El. Lo.

First let me beg your notice for this Gentleman my Brother.

La.

I shall take it as a fauour done to me, though the gentleman hath receiued but an v•…•…timely grace from you, yet my charitable disposition would haue been ready to haue done him freer curtesies as a stranger, then vpon those cold commendations.

Yo. Lo.

Lady, my salutations craue acquaintance and leaue at on•…•…e.

La.

Sir I hope you are the n•…•…aster of your owne occa∣sions.

Ex. Yo Lo. Sauil.

El. Lo.

VVould I were so. Mistres, for me to praise ouer againe that worth, which all the world, and you your selfe can see.

La.

Its a cold Rome this; Seruant.

El. Lo.

Mistres.

La.

What thinke you if I haue a chimney fort out heer?

El. Lo.

Mistres another in my place, that were not tyed to beleeue all your actions iust, would app•…•…ehend himselfe wrongd: But I, whose vertues are constancy & obedience.

La.

Yongloue, make a good fire aboue to warme me after my seruants Exordiums.

El. Lo.

I haue heard and seene your affability to bee such, that the seruants you giue wages to may speake.

La.

Tis true, tis true; but they speake toth' purpose.

El. Lo.

Mistres your will leades my speeches from the purpose. But as a man —

La.

A Simile seruant? This roome was built for honest meaners, that deliuer themselues hastily and plainely, and are gone. Is this a time or place for Exordiums, and Similes, and metaphors? If you haue ought to say, breake intoo't; my answers shall very reasonably meete you.

El. Lo.

Mistres I came to see you.

La.

Thats happily dispacht, the next.

El. Lo.

To take leaue of you.

La.

To be gon?

El. Lo.

Yes.

La.

•…•…ou •…•…eede not haue dispair'd of that, nor haue vs'd so many circumstances to win me to giue you leaue to per∣forme my com•…•…nd: Is there a third.

El. Lo.

Yes, I had a third, had you been apt to heare it.

La.

I neuer apter. Fast (good seruant) fast.

El. Lo.

Twas to intreat you to heare reason.

La.

Most willingly, haue you brought one can speake it?

El Lo.

Lastly, it is to kindle in that barren heart loue and forgiuenes.

La.

You would stay at home?

El. Lo.

Yes Ladie.

La.

Why you may, and doubtlesly will, when you haue debated that your commander is but your M•…•…stres, a wo∣man, a weake one, wildly ouerborne with p•…•…ssions: but the thing by her commanded, is to see Douers dreadfull cliffe, p•…•…ssing in a pore waterhouse; the dangers of the mercilesse merc•…•…lesse twixt that and Callis, fiue long houres saile, with three pore weekes victuals.

El. Lo.

You wrong me.

La.

Then to land dumb, vnable to enquire for an Eng∣glish hoast, to remoue from Citty to Cittie, by most charge∣able post-horse, like one that rod in quest of his mother tongue.

El. Lo

You wrong me much.

La.

And all these (almost inuincible labours) perfor∣med for your mistres to be in danger to for sake her, and to put on new alleagance to some French Lady, who is con∣tent to change language with you for laughter, and after your whole yeare spent in tennis and broken speech, to stand to the hazard of being laught at at your returne, and haue tales made on you by the chamber-maids.

El. Lo.

You wrong me much.

La.

Lowder yet.

El. Lo.

You know your least word is offorce to make mee seeke out dangers, moue mee not with toies: but in this banishment, I must take leaue to say, you are vniust: was one kisse forc't from you in publike by me so vnpardo∣nable? why all the howers of day and night haue seene vs kisse.

La.

Tis true, and so you satisfied the company that heard me chide.

El Lo.

Your owne eyes were not dearer to you then I?

La.

And so you told vm.

El. Lo.

I did, yet no singne of disgrace neede to haue staind your cheeke: you your selfe knew your pure and simple heart to be most vnspotted, and free from the least basenesse.

La.

I did: But if a Maides heart doth but once thinke that shee is suspected, her owne face will write he•…•… guiltie.

El. Lo.

But where lay this disgrace? The world that knew vs, knew our resolutions well: And could it bee hop'd that I should giue away my freedome, and ven∣ture a perpetuall bondage with one I neuer kist? or could I in 〈◊〉〈◊〉 wisdome take •…•…oo much lou•…•… vpon me, from he•…•… that chose me for her husband?

La.

Beleeue me; if my w•…•…dding smock were on, Were the gloues bought and giuen, the Licence com•…•…, Were the Rosemary branches dipt, and all The Hipochrists and cakes 〈◊〉〈◊〉 and drunke off, Were these two armes inc•…•…mpast with the hands Of Bachelers, to l•…•…ade me to the Church; Were my feete in the dore, were I Iohn, said, If Io•…•…n should boast a fauour done by me, I would not wed that yeare: And you I hope, When you haue spent his yeere commodiously, In atcheiuing Languages, will at your returne Acknowledge me more coy of parting with mine eies, Then such a friend. More talke I hold not now, If you dare goe!

El. Lo.

I dare you know; First let me kisse.

La.

Farewell sweet seruant, your ta•…•…ke perform'd, On a new ground as a beginning sutor, I shall be apt to heare you.

Eld. Lo.

Farewell cruell Mistres.

Exit Ladie.

Enter Yong Louelesse and Sauill.

Yo. Lo.

Brother youle hazard the loosing your tide to Grauesend: you haue a long halfe mile by land to Greene∣wich.

El. Lo.

I goe: but brother, what yet vnheard of course to liue, doth your imagination flatter you with? your ordi∣nary meanes are deuourd.

Yo. Lo.

Course? why horse-coursing I thinke. Con∣sume no time in this: I haue no es•…•…te to bee mended by meditation: hee that busies himselfe about my fortunes, may properly be said to busie himselfe about no•…•…hing.

El. Lo.

Yet some course you must take, which for my sa∣tisfaction resolue and open: If you will shape none, I must informe you, that that man bu•…•… perswades himselfe hee meanes to liue, that imagins not the meanes.

Yo. Lo.

Why liue vpon others, as others haue liued v∣pon mee.

El. Lo.

I apprehend not that: you haue fed others, and consequently disposd of vm: and the same measure must you expect from your maintainers, which will be too hea∣uy an alteration for you to beare.

Yo. Lo.

VVhy ile purse; if that raise mee not, Ile bet at bowling-alleys, or man whores; I would fain liue by others: but Ile liue whilst I am vnhangd, and after the thoughts taken.

El. Lo.

I see you are tide to no particular imployment then.

Yo. Lo.

Faith I may choose my course: they say nature brings foorth none but shee prouides for em: Ile trie her liberalitie.

El. Lo.

Well, to keepe your feete out of base and dange∣rous paths, I haue resolued you shall liue as Master of my house. It shall bee your care Sauill to see him fed and clo∣thed, not according to his present estate, but to his birth and former fortunes.

Yo. Lo.

If it be referd to him, if I be not found in Carna∣tion Iearsie stockins, blew diuels breeches, with three guards downe, and my pocket ith sleeues, ile nere looke you i'th face againe.

Sa.

A comlier wear I wusse it is then those dangling slops.

El. Lo.

To keep you ready to doe him all seruice peacea∣bly, and him to command you reasonably, I leaue these further direcitons in writing, which at your best leisure together open and reade.

Enter Yongloue to them with a Iewell.

Abi.

S•…•…r my M^rs. commends her loue to you in this to∣ken, and these words; It is a Iewell (she saies) which as a fauour from her shee would request you to weare till your yeares t•…•…auell be performed: which once expired, she will has•…•…ly expect your happy returne.

El Lo.

Returne my seruice with such thanks, as she may imagine the heart of a sodenly ouer-ioyed man would wil∣lingly vtter: and you (I hope) I shall with slender argu∣ments perswade to weare this Diamond, that when my Mistres shall through my long absence, and the approch of new sutors, offer to forget mee; you may call your eie downe to your finger, and remember and speake of me: She will heare thee better then those allyed by birth to her; as we see many men much swaied by the groomes of their chambers, not that they haue a greater part of their loue or opinion on them, as on others, but for they know their secrets.

Abi.

A my credit I sweare, I thinke twas made for mee: Feare no other sutors.

El. Lo.

I shall not neede to teach you how to discredit their beginnings, you know how to take exception at their shirts at washing, or to make the maids sweare they found plasters in their beds.

Abi.

I know, I know, and doe not you feare the sutors.

El. Lo.

Farewell, be mindefull and be happy: the night cals mee.

Exeunt omnes praeter Yonglo•…•….

Abi.

The Gods of the winds befriend you Sir: a con∣stant and a liberall louer thou art; more such God send vs.

Enter Welforde.

Wel.

Let vm not stand still, we haue rid hard.

Abi.

A sutor I know by his riding hard, Ile not be seen.

Wel.

A pretty Hall this, No seruant in't? I would look freshly.

Abi.

You haue deliuered your arrand to mee then: ther's no danger in a hansome young fellowe: Ile shew my selfe.

Wel.

Lady may it please you to bestowe vpon a stran∣ger the ordinary grace of salutation: Are you the La∣die of this house?

Abi.

Sir, I am worthily proud to be a seruant of hers.

Wel.

Lady I should be as proud to be a sernant of yours, did not my so late acquaintance make me dispaire.

Abi.

Sir, it is not so hard to atcheiue, but nature may bring it about.

Wel.

For these comfortable words I remaine your glad debtor. Is your Ladie at home?

Abi.

She is no stragl•…•…r Sir.

Wel.

May her occasions admit me to speake with her?

Abi.

If you come in the way of a Sutor, No.

Wel.

I know your a•…•…ble vertue will be moued to per∣swade her, that a Gentleman benighted and straied offers to be bound to her for a n•…•…ghts lodging.

Abi.

I will commend this message to her: but if you aime at her bodie, you will be de•…•…uded: oth•…•…r weomen the housholds of good carriage and gouernment; vpon any of which if you can cast your affection, they will perhaps bee found as faithfull, and not so coy.

Exit Yongloue.

Wel.

What a skin full of lust is this? I thought I had come awoeing, and I am the courted party. This is right Court fashion: Men, weomen, and all woe; catch that catch may. If this soft hearted woman haue infusde any of her tendernesse into her Lady, there is hope she will be pli∣ant. But who's here?

Enter S^r. Roger the Curate.

Ro.

God saue you Sir, My Lady lets you know shee de∣sires to be acquainted with your name before she conferre with you.

Wel.

Sir my name cals me Welford.

Ro.

Sir, you are a gentleman of a good name. I'le trie his wit.

Wel.

I will vphold it as good as any of my Ancestors had this two hundred yeares Sir.

Ro.

I knew a worshipfull and a religious gentleman of your name in the Bishopricke of Durham. Call you him Cosen?

Wel.

I am onely allyed to his vertues Sir.

Ro.

It is modestly said: I should carry the badge of your Christianity with me to.

Wel.

VVhats that, a Crosse? there's a tester.

Ro

I meane the name which your Godfathers & God∣mothers gaue you at the Font.

Wel.

Tis Harry: but you cannot proceede orderly now in your Catechisme: fo•…•… you haue told mee who gaue mee that name. Shall beg your names.

Ro.

Roger.

Wel.

VVhat roome fill you in this house?

Ro

More roomes then one.

Wel.

The more the merrier. But may my boldnesse know, why your Lady hath sent you to discipher my name?

Ro.

Her owne words were these; To know whether you were a formerly denied sutor, disguised in this mes∣sage: For I can assure you shee delights not in Tha∣lame: Himen and sh•…•… are at variance, I shall returne with much hast.

Exit Roger.

Wel.

And much speede Sir I hope: certainely I am ari∣ued amongst a Nation of new found fooles: on a Land where no Na•…•…igator has yet planted wit, If I had fore∣seene it, I would haue laded my breeches with bels, kniues, copper a•…•…d glasses to trade with the weomen for their virginities: yet I feare I should haue betraied my selfe to an 〈◊〉〈◊〉 charge then: heres the walking night-cap againe.

Enter Roger.

Roger.

Sir, my Ladies pleasure is to see you: who hath commanded mee to acknowledge her sorow. that you must take the paines to come vp for so bad enter∣tainement.

Wel.

I shall obey your Lady that sent it, and acknow∣ledge you that brought it to be your Arts Master.

Ro.

Iam but a Bachiler of Art Sir; aud I haue the men∣ding of all vnder this roofe, from my Lady on her downe bed, to the maide in the pease strawe.

Wel.

A Cobler Sir?

Ro.

No Sir. I inculcate Diuine seruice within these walles,

Wel.

But the inhabitants of this house doe often im∣ploy you on errands, without any scruple of conscience.

Ro.

Yes, I doe take the aire many mornings on foote, three or foure miles for egges: but why moue you that?

Wel.

To knowe whether it might become your functi∣on to bid my man to neglect his horse a little, to attend on mee.

Ro

Most properly Sir.

Wel.

I pray ye doe so then: and whilst I will attend your Lady. You direct all this house in the true way?

Ro.

I doe Sir.

Wel.

And this dore (I hope) conducts to your Lady?

Ro.

Your vnderstanding is ingen•…•…ous.

Ex seuerally.

Ent. Yong Louelesse & Sauill with a writing.

Sa.

By your fauour Sir you shall pardon me.

Yo. Lo.

I shall beate your fauour Sir, crosse me no more; I say they shall come in.

Sa.

Sir you forget one, who I am.

Yo. Lo.

Sir I doe not; thou art my brothers Steward, his cast off mill-money, his Kitchen Arethmatick.

Sa.

Sir I hope you will not make so little of me.

Yo. Lo.

I make thee not so little as thou art: for indeed there goes no more to the making of a Steward, but a faire Imprimis, and then a reasonable Item infus'd into him, and the thing is done.

Sa.

Nay then you stirre my duty, and I must tell you.

Yo Lo.

What wouldst thou tell me, how Hoppes goe, or hold some rotten discourse of sheepe, or when our Lady day fals? Prethee farewell, and entertaine my friends, bee drunke, and burne thy Table-bookes: and my deare sparke of veluet thou and I

Sa.

Good Sir remember.

Yo. Lo.

I doe remember thee a foolish fellowe, one that did put his trust in Almanacks, and horse-faiers, and rose by hony and pot-butter. Shall they come in yet?

Sa.

Nay then I must vnfold your Brothers pleasure, these be the lessons Sir, he left behinde him.

Yo. Lo.

Prethee expound the first.

Sa.

I leaue to keep my house 300 pounds a yeare; and my Brother to dispose of it.

Yo. Lo.

Marke that my wicked Steward, and I dispose of it.

Sa.

Whilst hee beares himselfe like a Gentleman, and my credit fals not in him. Marke that my good young Sir, marke that.

Yong. Lo

Nay if it be no more I shall fulfill it: whilst my legs will carry mee ile beare my selfe gentleman-like, but when I am drunke, let them beare mee that can. Forward deare steward.

Sa.

Next it is my will, that hee bee furnisht (as my bro∣ther) with attendance, apparrell, and the obedience of my people.

Yo. Lo.

Steward this is as plaine as your olde minikin breeches. Your wisdome will relent now, will it not? Be mollified or — you vnderstand mee Sir, proceed.

Sa.

Next, that my Steward keepe his place, and power, and bound my brothers wildnesse with his care.

Yo. Lo.

Ile heare no more this Apocripha, binde it by it selfe steward.

Sa.

This is your Brothers will, and as I take it, he makes no mention of such company as you would draw vn to you. Captaines of Gallifoists, such as in a cleare day haue seene Callis, fellows that haue no more of God, then their oaths comes to: they weare swords to reach fire at a Play, and get there the oyld end of a pipe for their guerdon: then the remnant of your regiment are wealthy Tobacco merchants, that set vp with one ownce, and breake for three; together with a forlorne hope of Poets, and all these looke like Car∣thusians, things without linnen: Are these fit company for my Mafters Brother?

Yong. Lo.

I will either conuert thee (O thou Pagan stew∣ard)

or presently confound thee and thy reckonings, who's there? call in the Gent.

Sa.

Good Sir.

Yo. Lo.

Nay you shall know both who I am, and where I am.

Sa.

Are you my masters Brother?

Yo. Lo.

Are you the sage Master Steward, with a face like an olde Ephimerides?

Enter his Comrades. Captaine, Traueller.

Sa.

Then God helpe all, I say.

Yo. Lo.

I, and tis well said my olde peere of France: welcome gentlemen, welcome gentlemen; mine owne deere lads, y'are richly welcome. Know this old Harry∣groate.

Cap.

Sir I will take your loue.

Sa.

Sir you will take my purse.

Cap.

And studie to continue it.

Sa.

I doe beleeue you.

Tra.

Your honourable friend and masters brother, hath giuen you to vs for a worthy fellow, and so wee hugge you Sir.

Sa.

Has giuen himselfe into the hands of varlets, not to be caru'd out. Sir are these the peeces?

Yo. Lo.

They are the Morrals of the age, the vertues. Men made of Gold.

Sa.

Of your gold you meane Sir.

Yong. Lo.

This is a man of warre, that cries goe on; and weares his Colours.

Sa.

In's nose.

Yo. Lo.

In the fragrant field. This is a Traueller Sir, knows men and manners, and has plowd vp the Sea so far, till both the poles haue knockt, has seene the Sunne take Coach, and can distinguish the colour of his horses, and their kindes, and had a Flanders Mare leapt there.

Sa.

Tis much.

Tra.

I haue seene more Sir.

Sa.

Tis euen enough a conscience; sit downe, and rest you, you are at the end of the world already. VVould you had as good a liuing Sir as this Fellowe could

lie you out of has a notable guift in't.

Yo. Lo.

This ministers the Smoke, and this the Muses.

Sa.

And you the clothes, and meate, and money, you haue a goodly generation of vm, praye let vm multiply, your Brothers house is big enough, and to say truth, ha's too much Land, hang it durt.

Yo. Lo.

Why now thou art a louing stinkeard. Fire off thy annotations and thy rent bookes; thou hast a weake braine Sauill, and with the next long Bill thou wilt runne mad. Gentlemen you are once more welcome to three hundred pounds a yeere; wee will bee freely merry, shall we not?

Captaine.

Merry as mirth, and wine my louely Loue∣lesse.

Poet.

A serious looke shall be a Iury to excommunicate any man from our company.

Tra.

We will haue nobody talke wisely neither.

Yo. Lo.

What thinke you gentlemen by all this Reue∣new in drinke?

Cap.

I am all for drinke.

Tra.

I am drie till it be so.

Po.

He that will not crie Amen to this, let him liue so∣ber, seeme wise, and die ath Corum.

Yo. Lo.

It shall bee so, wee'l haue it all in drinke, let meate and lodging goe, th'are transitory, and shew men meerely mortall: then wee'l haue wenches, euery one his wench, and euery weeke a fresh one: weele keepe no powderd fleshe: all these wee haue by war∣rant vnder the Title of things necessarie. Heere vpon this place I ground it: the obedience of my people, and all necessaries: Your opinions Gentle∣men?

Cap.

Tis plaine and euident that he meant wenches.

Sa.

Good Sir let me expound it.

Cap.

Heere be as sound men as your selfe Sir.

Poet.

This doe I holde to bee the interpretation of it; In this word Necessarie, is concluded all that bee helpes to man: woman was made the first, and therefore heere the chiefest.

Yo. Lo.

Beleeue me tis a learned one, and by these words; The obedience of my people, (you steward being one) are bound to fetch vs wenches.

Cap.

He is, he is.

Yo. Lo.

Steward attend vs for instructions.

Sa.

But will you keepe no house Sir?

Yo. Lo.

Nothing but drinke, three hundred pounds in drinke.

Sa.

O miserable house, and miserable I that liue to see it. Good Sir keep some meate.

Yo. Lo.

Get vs good whoores, and for your part, Ile bourd you in an Alehouse, you shall haue cheese and onyons.

Sa.

What shall become of me, no chimney smoking? VVell prodigall, your brother will come home.

Ex.

Yo. Lo.

Come lads Ile warrant you for wenches, three hundred pounds in drinke.

Exeunt omnes.