Bartholmew fayre : a comedie, acted in the yeare, 1614 by the Lady Elizabeths seruants, and then dedicated to King Iames, of most blessed memorie ; The diuell is an asse : a comedie acted in the yeare, 1616, by His Maiesties seruants ; The staple of newes : a comedie acted in the yeare, 1625, by His Maiesties seruants by the author, Beniamin Iohnson.

ACT. III. SCENE. IIIJ.

COKES. LEATHERHEAD. WASPE. Mistresse OVERDOO. WIN-VVIFE. QVARLOVS. TRASH. GRACE.

COme, Mistresse Grace, come Sister, heere's more fine sights, yet i'faith. Gods 'lid where's Numps?

LEA.

What doe you lacke, Gentlemen? what is't you buy? fine Rattles! Drummes? Babies? little Dogges? and Birds for Ladies? What doe you lacke?

COK.

Good honest Numpes, keepe afore, I am so afraid thou'lt lose somewhat: my heart was at my mouth, when I mist thee.

WAS.

You were best buy a whip i'your hand to driue me.

COK.

Nay, doe not mistake, Numps, thou art so apt to mis∣take: I would but watch the goods. Looke you now, the treble fiddle, was e'en almost like to be lost.

WAS.

Pray you take heede you lose not your selfe: your best way, were e'en get vp, and ride for more surety. Buy a tokens worth of great pinnes, to fasten your selfe to my shoulder.

LEA.

What doe you lacke, Gentlemen? fine purses, pouches, pincases, pipes? What is't you lacke? a paire o'smithes to wake you i'the morning? or a fine whistling bird?

COK.

Numps, here be finer things then any we ha' bought by oddes! and more delicate horses, a great deale! good Numpes, stay▪ and come hither.

WAS.

Will you scourse with him? you are in Smithfield, you may fit your selfe with a fine easy-going street-nag, for your sad∣dle again' Michaelmasse-terme, doe, has he ne'er a little odde cart for you, to make a Carroch on, i'the countrey, with foure pyed hob∣byhorses? why the meazills, should you stand heere, with your traine, cheaping of Dogges, Birds, and Babies? you ha' no chil∣dren to bestow 'hem on? ha' you?

COK.

No, but again' I ha' children, Numps, that's all one.

WAS.

Do, do, do, do; how many shall you haue, think you? an' I were as you, I'ld buy for all my Tenants, too, they are a kind o'ciuill Sauages, that wil part with their children for rattles, pipes, and kniues. You were best buy a hatchet, or two, & truck with 'hem.

COK.

Good Numps, hold that little tongue o'thine, and saue it a labour. I am resolute Bat, thou know'st.

WAS.

A resolute foole, you are, I know, and a very sufficient Coxcombe; with all my heart; nay you haue it, Sir, and you be angry, turd i'your teeth, twice: (if I said it not once afore) and much good doe you.

WIN.

Was there euer such a selfe-affliction? and so imper∣tinent?

QVAR.

Alas! his care will goe neere to cracke him, let's in, and comfort him.

WAS.

Would I had beene set i'the ground, all but the head on me, and had my braines bowl'd at, or thresh'd out, when first I vnderwent this plague of a charge!

QVAR.

How now, Numps! almost tir'd i'your Protectorship? ouerparted? ouerparted?

WAS.

Why, I cannot tell, Sir, it may be I am, dos't grieue you?

QVAR.

No, I sweare dos't not, Numps: to satisfie you.

WAS.

Numps? S'blood, you are fine and familiar! how long ha' wee bin acquainted, I pray you?

QVAR.

I thinke it may be remembred, Numps, that? 'twas since morning sure.

WAS.

Why, I hope I know't well enough, Sir, I did not aske to be told.

QVAR.

No? why then?

WAS.

It's no matter why, you see with your eyes, now, what I said to you to day? you'll beleeue me another time?

QVAR.

Are you remouing the Fayre, Numps?

WAS.

A pretty question! and a very ciuill one! yes faith, I ha' my lading you see; or shall haue anon, you may know whose beast I am, by my burthen. If the pannier-mans Iacke were euer better knowne by his loynes of mutton, I'le be flead, and feede dogs for him, when his time comes.

WIN.

How melancholi' Mistresse Grace is yonder! pray thee let's goe enter our selues in Grace, with her.

COK,

Those sixe horses, friend I'le haue—

WAS.

How!

COK.

And the three Iewes trumps; and halfe a dozen o'Birds, and that Drum, (I haue one Drumme already) and your Smiths; I like that deuice▪ o'your smiths, very pretty well, and foure Hal∣berts —and (le'me see) that fine painted great Lady, and her three women for state, I'le haue.

WAS.

No, the shop; buy the whole shop, it will be best, the shop, the shop!

LEA.

If his worship please.

WAS.

Yes, and keepe it during the Fayre, Bobchin.

COK.

Peace, Numps, friend, doe not meddle with him, an'

you be wise, and would shew your head aboue board: hee will sting thorow your wrought night-cap, beleeue me. A set of these Violines, I would buy too, for a delicate young noise I haue i'the countrey, that are euery one a size lesse then another, iust like your fiddles. I would faine haue a fine young Masque at my marriage, now I thinke on't: but I doe want such a number o'things. And Numps will not helpe me now, and I dare not speake to him.

TRA.

Will your worship buy any ginger-bread, very good bread, comfortable bread?

COK.

Ginger-bread! yes, let's see.

WAS.

There's the tother sprindge?

He runnes to her shop.

LEA.

Is this well, goody Ione? to interrupt my market? in the midst? and call away my customers? can you answer this, at the Piepouldres?

TRA.

Why? if his Master-ship haue a minde to buy, I hope my ware lies as open as another's; I may shew my ware, as well as you yours.

COK.

Hold your peace; I'le content you both: I'le buy vp his shop, and thy basket.

WAS.

Will you i'faith?

LEA.

Why should you put him from it, friend?

WAS.

Cry you mercy! you'ld be sold too, would you? what's the price on you? Ierkin, and all as you stand? ha' you any qua∣lities?

TRA.

Yes, good-man angry-man, you shall finde he has quali∣ties, if you cheapen him.

WAS.

Gods so, you ha' the selling of him! what are they? will they be bought for loue, or money?

TRA.

No indeed, Sir.

WAS.

For what then? victualls?

TRA.

He scornes victuals, Sir, he has bread and butter at home, thanks be to God! and yet he will do more for a good meale, if the toy take him i'the belly, mary then they must not set him at lower end; if they do, he'll goe away, though he fast. But put him a top o'the Table, where his place is, and hee'll doe you forty fiue things. Hee has not been sent for, and sought out for nothing, at your great citty-suppers, to put downe Coriat, and Cokeley, and bin laught at for his labour; he'll play you all the Puppets i'the towne ouer, and the Players, euery company, and his owne company too; he spares no body!

COK.

I'faith?

TRA.

Hee was the first, Sir, that euer baited the fellow i'the beare's skin, an't like your worship: no dog euer came neer him, since. And for fine motions!

COK.

Is hee good at those too? can hee set out a Masque trow?

TRA.

O Lord, Master! sought to farre, and neere, for his in∣uentions:

and hee engrosses all, hee makes all the Puppets i'the Fayre.

COK.

Do'st thou (in troth) old veluet Ierkin▪ giue mee thy hand.

TRA.

Nay, Sir, you shall see him in his veluet Ierkin, and a scarfe, too, at night, when you heare him interpret Master Little∣wit's Motion.

COK.

Speake no more, but shut vp shop presently, friend. I'le buy both it, and thee too, to carry downe with me, and he•• hamper, beside. Thy shop shall furnish out the Masque, and hers the Banquet: I cannot goe lesse, to set out any thing with credit▪ what's the price, at a word, o'thy whole shop, case, and all as it stands?

LEA.

Sir, it stands me in sixe and twenty shillings seuen pence, halfe-peny, besides three shillings for my ground.

COK.

Well, thirty shillings will doe all, then! And what comes yours too?

TRA.

Foure shillings, and eleauen pence, Sir, ground, and all, an't like your worship.

COK.

Yes, it do's like my worship very well, poore woman, that's fiue shillings more, what a Masque shall I furnish out, for forty shillings? (twenty pound scotsh) and a Banquet of Ginger-bread? there's a stately thing! Numps? Sister? and my wedding gloues too? (that I neuer thought on afore.) All my wedding gloues, Ginger-bread? O me! what a deuice will there be? to make 'hem eate their fingers ends! and delicate Brooches for the Bride-men! and all! and then I'le h••' this poesie put to 'hem: For the best grace, meaning Mistresse Grace, my wedding poesie.

GRA.

I am beholden to you, Sir, and to your Bartholmew-wit.

WAS.

You doe not meane this, doe you? is this your first pur∣chase?

COK.

Yes faith, and I doe not thinke, Numpes, but thou'lt say, it was the wisest Act, that euer I did in my wardship.

WAS.

Like inough! I shall say any thing. I!