Bartholmew fayre : a comedie, acted in the yeare, 1614 by the Lady Elizabeths seruants, and then dedicated to King Iames, of most blessed memorie ; The diuell is an asse : a comedie acted in the yeare, 1616, by His Maiesties seruants ; The staple of newes : a comedie acted in the yeare, 1625, by His Maiesties seruants by the author, Beniamin Iohnson.

ACT. I. SCENE. V.

PENIBOY. CYMBAL. FITTON. THO: BARBER. CANTER.

IN troth they are dainty roomes; what place is this?

CYM.

This is the outer roome, where my Clerkes sit▪ And keepe their sides, the Register i'the midst, The Examiner, he sits priuate there, within, And here I haue my seuerall Rowles, and Fyles Of Newes by the Alphabet, and all put vp Vnder their heads.

P. IV.

But those, too, subdiuided?

CYM.

Into Authenticall, and Apocryphall.

FIT.

Or Newes of doubtfull credit, as Barbers newes.

CYM.

And Taylors Newes, Porters, and Watermens newes,

FIT.

Whereto, beside the Corant••, and Gazetti.

CYM.

I haue the Newes of the season.

FIT.

As vacation newes, Terme-newes, and Christmas-newes.

CIM.

And newes o' the faction.

FIT.

As the Reformed newes, Protestant newes,

CYM.

And Pontificiall newes, o•• all which seuerall, The Day-bookes, Characters, Precedents are kept. Together with the names of speciall friends—

FIT.

And men of Correspondence i'the Countrey—

CYM.

Yes, of all ranks, and all Religions.—

FIT.

Factors, and Agents—

CYM.

Liegers, that lie out Through all the Shires o'the kingdome.

P. IV.

This is fine! And beates a braue relation! but what sayes Mercurius Britannicus to this?

CYM

O Sir, he gaines by't halfe in halfe.

FIT.

Nay more I'll stan•• to't. For, where he was wont to get In, hungry Captaines▪ obscure Statesmen.

CYM.

Fellowes To drinke with him in a darke roome in a Tauerne, And eat a Sawsage.

FIT.

We ha' seen't,

CYM.

As faine, To keepe so many politique pennes Going, to feed the presse.

FIT.

And dish ou•• newes, Were't true, or false.

CYM.

Now all that charge is sau'd The publique Chronicler.

FIT.

How, doe you call him there?

CYM.

And gentle Reader.

FIT.

He that has the maidenhead Of all the bookes.

CYM.

Yes, dedicated to him,

FIT.

Or rather prostituted.

P. IV.

You are right, Sir.

CYM.

No more shall be abus'd, nor countrey-Parsons

O' the Inquisition, nor busie Iustices, Trouble the peace, and both torment themselues, And their poore ign'rant Neighbours with enquiries After the many, and most innocent Monsters, That neuer came i'th' Counties they were charg'd with.

P. IV.

Why, me thinkes Sir, if the honest common people Will be abus'd, why should not they ha' their pleasure, In the belieuing Lyes, are made for them; As you i'th' Office, making them your selues?

FIT.

O Sir! it is the printing we oppose.

CYM.

We not forbid that any Newes, be made, But that 't be printed; for when Newes is printed, It leaues Sir to be Newes. while 'tis but written —

FIT.

Though it be ne're so false, it runnes Newes still.

P. IV.

See diuers mens opinions! vnto some, The very printing of them, makes them Newes; That ha' not the heart to beleeue any thing, But what they see in print.

FIT.

I, that's an Error Ha's abus'd many; but we shall reforme it, As many things beside (we haue a hope) Are crept among the popular abuses.

CYM.

Nor shall the Stationer cheat vpon the Time, By buttering ouer againe—

FIT.

once, in Seuen Yeares, As the age doates—

CYM:

And growes forgetfull o'them, ••is antiquated Pamphlets, with new dates. But all shall come from the Mint.

FIT.

Fresh and new stamp'd,

CYM.

With the Office-Seale, Staple Commoditie.

FIT.

And if a man will assure his Newes, he may: Two-pence a Sheet he shall be warranted, And haue a policie for't.

P. IV.

Sir, I admire The method o' your place; all things within't Are so digested, fitted, and compos'd, As it shewes Wit had married Order.

FIT.

Sir.

CYM.

The best wee could to inuite the Times.

FIT.

It ha's Cost sweat, and freesing.

CYM.

And some broken sleepes Before it came to this.

P. IV.

I easily thinke it.

FIT.

But now it ha's the shape—

CYM.

And is come forth.

P. IV.

A most polite neat thing! with all the limbs, As sense can tast!

CYM.

It is Sir, though I say it, As well-begotten a busines, and as fairely Helpt to the World.

P. IV.

You must be a Mid-wife Sir! Or els the sonne of a Mid-wife! (pray you pardon me) Haue helpt it forth so happily! what Newes ha' you? Newes o' this morning? I would faine heare some Fresh, from the forge (as new as day, as they say.)

CYM.

And such we haue Sir.

REG.

Shew him the last Rowle, Of Emissary West-minster's, The Heire.

P. IV.

Come nearer, Thom:

CLA.

There is a braue yong Heire

Pe••y reioy∣ceth, that he 〈◊〉〈◊〉.

Is come of age this morning, M^r. Peny-boy.

P. IV.

That's I!

CLA.

His Father dy'd on this day seuenth-night.

P. IV.

True!

CLA.

At sixe o'the Clocke i'the morning, iust a weeke

〈◊〉〈◊〉 Thom: of it.

Ere he was One and Twenty.

P. IV.

I am here, Thom! Proceed, I pray thee.

CLA.

An old Canting Begger Brought him first Newes, whom he has entertain'd,

Call in the Canter. Hee giues the Clerke.

To follow him, since.

P. IV.

Why, you shall see him! Founder, Come in; no Follower, but Companion, I pray thee put him in, Friend. There's an Angell— Thou do'st not know, hee's a wise old Fellow, Though he seeme patch'd thus, and made vp o' peeces, Founder, we are in, here, in, i'the Newes-Office! In this dayes Rowle, already! I doe muse How you came by vs Sir's!

CYM.

One Master Pick-locke A Lawyer, that hath purchas'd here a place, This morning, of an Emissary vnder me.

FIT.

Emissarie Westminster.

CYM.

Gaue it into th'Office,

FIT.

For his Essay, his peece.

P. IV.

My man o' Law! Hee's my Attorney, and Sollicitour too! A fine pragmaticke! what's his place worth?

CYM.

A Nemo-scit, Sir.

FIT.

'Tis as Newes come, in,

CYM.

And as they are issued. I haue the iust mcoytie For my part: then the other mocytie Is parted into seuen. The foure Emissaries; Whereof my Cozen Fitton here's for Court, Ambler for Pauls, and Buz for the Exchange, Picklocke, for Westminster, with the Examiner, And Register, they haue full parts: and then one part Is vnder-parted to a couple of Clarkes; And there's the iust diuision of the profits!

P. IV.

Ha' you those Clarks Sir.

CYM.

There is one Desk empty, But it has many Suitors.

P. IV.

Sir, may I Present one more and carry it, if his parts Or Gifts, (which you will, call'hem)

CYM.

Be sufficient Sir.

P. IV.

What are your present Clarkes habilities? How is he qualified?

CYM▪

A decay'd Stationer He was, but knowes Newes well, can sort and ranke 'hem.

FIT.

And for a need can make 'hem.

CYM.

True Paules bred, I'the Church-yard.

P. IV.

And this at the West-dore, O'th other side, hee's my Barber Thom, A pretty Scholler, and a Master of Arts, Was made, or went out Master of Arts in a throng, At the Vniuersitie; as before, one Christmas, He got into a Masque at Court, by his wit, And the good meanes of his Cythern, holding vp thus For one o'the Musique, Hee's a nimble Fellow!

And alike skil'd in euery liberall Science, As hauing certaine snaps of all, a neat, Quick-vaine, in forging Newes too. I doe loue him, And promis'd him a good turne, and I would doe it. Whats your price? the value?

CYM.

Fifty pounds, S^r.

P. IV.

Get in Thom, take possession, I install thee; Here, tell your money; giue thee ioy, good Thom; * 1.1 And let me heare from thee euery minute of Newes, While the New Staple stands, or the Office lasts, Which I doe wish, may ne're be lesse for thy sake.

CLA.

The Emissaries, Sir, would speake with you, And Master Fitton, they haue brought in Newes, Three Bale together.

CYM.

S^r, you are welcome, here.

FIT.

So is your creature.

CYM.

Businesse calls vs off, Sir,

They take leaue of Pe∣ny-boy, and Canter.

That may concerne the Office.

P. IV.

Keepe me faire, Sir, Still i'your Staple, I am here your friend, On the same flooer.

FIT.

We shall be your seruants.

P. IV.

How dost thou like it, Founder?

P. CA.

All is well, But that your man o' law me thinks appeares not In his due time. O! Here comes Masters worship.

Notes

• * 1.1

  Hee buyes Thom a Clerkes place.