Bartholmew fayre : a comedie, acted in the yeare, 1614 by the Lady Elizabeths seruants, and then dedicated to King Iames, of most blessed memorie ; The diuell is an asse : a comedie acted in the yeare, 1616, by His Maiesties seruants ; The staple of newes : a comedie acted in the yeare, 1625, by His Maiesties seruants by the author, Beniamin Iohnson.

ACT. II. SCENE. IJ.

FASHIONER. PENIBOY. THOMAS BARBER. HABERDASHER.

GOd giue your worship ioy.

P. IV.

What? of your staying? And leauing me to stalke here in my trowses, Like a tame Her'n-sew for you?

FAS.

I but waited Below, till the clocke strooke.

P. IV.

Why, if you had come Before a quarter, would it so haue hurt you, In reputation, to haue wayted here?

FAS.

No, but your worship might haue pleaded nonage, If you had got 'hem on, ere I could make Iust Affidauit of the time.

P. IV.

That iest Has gain'd thy pardon, thou had'st liu'd, condemn'd To thine owne hell else, neuer to haue wrought Stitch more for me, or any Peniboy, I could haue hindred thee: but now thou art mine. For one and twenty yeeres, or for three liues, Chuse which thou wilt, I'll make thee a Copy-holder, * 1.1 And thy first Bill vnquestion'd. Helpe me on.

FAS.

Presently, Sir, I am bound vnto your worship.

P. IV.

Thou shalt be, when I haue seal'd thee a Lease of my Cu∣stome.

FAS.

Your wor^ps, Barbar is without.

P. IN.

Who? Thom? Come in Thom: set thy things vpon the Boord And spread thy clothes, lay all forth in procinctu, And tell's what newes?

THO.

O Sir, a staple of newes! Or the New Staple, which you please.

P. IV.

What's that?

FAS.

An Office, Sir, a braue young Office set vp. I had forgot to tell your worship.

P. IV.

For what?

THO.

To enter all the Newes, Sir, o' the time,

FAS.

And vent it as occasion serues! A place Of huge commerce it will be!

P. IV.

Pray thee peace, I cannot abide a talking Taylor: let Thom (He's a Barber) by his place relate it, What is't, an Office, Thom?

THO.

Newly erected Here in the house, almost on the same floore, Where all the newes of all sorts shall be brought, And there be examin'd, and then registred, And so be issu'd vnder the Seale of the Office, As Staple Newes; no other newes be currant.

P. IV.

'Fore me, thou speak'st of a braue busines, Thom.

FAS.

Nay, if you knew the brain that hatch'd it S^r—

P. IV.

I know thee wel inough: giue him a loaf, Thom— Quiet his mouth, that Ouen will be venting else. Proceed—

THO.

He tels you true S^r. M^r Cymbal, Is Master of the Office, he proiected it, Hee lies here i'the house: and the great roomes He has taken for the Office, and set vp His Deskes and Classes, Tables and his Shelues,

FAS.

He's my Customer, and a Wit Sir, too. But, h' has braue wits vnder him—

THO.

Yes, foure Emissaries,

P. IV.

Emissaries? stay, there's a fine new word, Thom! 'Pray God it signifie any thing, what are Emissaries?

THO.

Men imploy'd outward, that are sent abroad To fetch in the commodity.

FAS.

From all regions Where the best newes are made.

THO.

Or vented forth.

FAS.

By way of exchange, or trade.

P. IV.

Nay, thou wilt speak—

FAS.

My share S^r. there's enough for both.

P. IV.

Goe on then, * 1.2 Speake all thou canst: me thinkes, the ordinaries Should helpe them much.

FAS.

Sir, they haue ordinaries, And extraordinaries, as many changes, And variations, as there are points i'the compasse.

THO.

But the 4. Cardinall Quarters—

P. IV.

I, those Thom—

THO.

The Court, Sir, Pauls, Exchange, and Westminster-hall.

P. IV.

Who is the Chiefe? which hath preceedencie?

THO.

The gouernour o'the Staple, Master Cymball. He is the Chiefe; and after him the Emissaries: First Emissary Court, one Master Fitton, He's a Ieerer too.

P. IV.

What's that?

FAS.

A Wit.

THO.

Or halfe a Wit, some of them are Halfe-wits, Two to a Wit, there are a set of 'hem. Then Master Ambler, Emissary Paules, A fine pac'd gentleman, as you shall see, walke The middle Ile: And then my Froy Hans Buz, A Dutch-man; he's Emissary Exhange.

FAS.

I had thought M^r. Burst the Marchant had had it.

THO.

No, He has a rupture, hee has sprung a leake,

Emissarie Westminster's vndispos'd of yet; Then the Examiner, Register, and two Clerkes, They mannage all at home, and sort, and file, And seale the newes, and issue them.

P. IV.

Thom, deare Thom. What may my meanes doe for thee, aske, and haue it, I'd faine be doing some good. It is my birth-day. And I'd doe it betimes, I feele a grudging Of bounty, and I would not long lye fallow. I pray thee thinke, and speake, or wish for something.

THO.

I would I had but one o' the Clerkes places, I'this Newes Office,.

P. IV.

Thou shalt haue it, Thom, If siluer, or gold will fetch it; what's the rate? At what is't set i'the Mercat?

THO.

Fiftie pound, Sir.

P. IV.

An't were a hundred, Thom, thou shalt not want it.

FAS.

The Taylor leapes, and embraceth him.

O Noble Master!

P. IV.

How now Aesops Asse! Because I play with Thom, must I needes runne Into your rude embraces? stand you still, Sir; Clownes fawnings, are a horses salutations. How do'st thou like my suite, Thom?

THO.

M^r Fashioner Has hit your measures, Sir, h'has moulded you, And made you, as they say.

FAS.

No, no, not I, I am an Asse, old Aesops Asse.

P. IV.

Nay, Fashioner, I can doe thee a good turne too, be not musty, Though thou hast moulded me, as little Thom sayes,

He drawes out his poc∣kets.

(I thinke thou hast put me in mouldy pockets.)

FAS.

As good, Right Spanish perfume, the Lady Estifania's, They cost twelue pound a payre.

P. IV.

Thy bill will say so. I pray thee tell me, Fashioner, what Authors Thou read'st to helpe thy inuention? Italian prints? Or Arras hangings? They are Taylors Libraries.

FAS.

I scorne such helps.

P. IV.

O, though thou art a silk-worme! And deal'st in sattins and veluets, and rich plushes, Thou canst not spin all formes out of thy selfe; They are quite other things: I thinke this suite Has made me wittier, then I was.

FAS.

Belieue it Sir, That clothes doe much vpon the wit, as weather Do's on the braine; and thence comes your prouerbe; The Taylor makes the man: I speake by experience Of my owne Customers. I haue had Gallants, Both Court and Countrey, would ha' fool'd you vp In a new suite, with the best wits, in being, And kept their speed, as long as their clothes lasted Han'some, and neate; but then as they grew out At the elbowes againe, or had a staine, or spot, They haue sunke most wretchedly.

P. IV.

What thou report'st, Is but the common calamity, and seene daily; And therefore you 'haue another answering prouerbe:

A broken sleeue keepes the arme backe,

FAS.

'Tis true, Sir. And thence wee say, that such a one playes at peepe-arme.

P. IV.

Doe you so? it is wittily sayd. I wonder, Gentlemen, And men of meanes will not maintaine themselues Fresher in wit, I meane in clothes, to the highest. For hee that's out o' clothes, is out o'fashion, And out of fashion, is out of countenance, And out o' countenance, is out o' Wit. Is not Rogue Haberdasher come?

HAB.

Yes, here, Sir.

They are all about him, busie.

I ha' beene without this halfe houre.

P IV.

Giue me my hat. Put on my Girdle. Rascall, sits my Ruffe well?

LIN.

In print.

P. IV.

Slaue.

LIN.

See your selfe.

P. IV.

••s this same hat O'the blocke passant? Do not answer mee, I cannot stay for an answer. I doe feele The powers of one and twenty, like a ••ide Flow in vpon mee, and perceiue an Heyre, Can Coniure vp all spirits in all circles, Rogue, Rascall, Slaue▪ giue tradesmen their true names, And they appeare to 'hem pr••sently.

LIN.

For profit.

P. IV.

Come cast my cloake about me, I'll goe see, This Office Thom, and be trimm'd afterwards. I'll put thee in possession, my prime worke! Gods so▪ my Spurrier! put hem on boy, quickly,

His Spurri∣er comes in.

〈…〉〈…〉 lost my Spurres with too much speed.

Notes

• * 1.1

  He sayes his sute.
• * 1.2

  Hee giues the Taylor leaue to talk.