The workes of Beniamin Ionson

Act I. Scene II.

OVID Senior, OVID Iunior, LVSCVS, TVCCA, LVPVS, PYRGVS.

YOur name shall liue indeed, sir; you say true: but how infa∣mously, how scorn'd and contemn'd in the eyes and eares of the best and grauest Romanes, that you thinke not on: you neuer so much as dreame of that. Are these the fruits of all my trauaile and expen∣ses? is this the scope and aime of thy studies? are these the hopefull cour∣ses, wherewith I haue so long flattered my expectation from thee? verses? poetrie? OVID, whom I thought to see the pleader, become OVID the play-maker?

OVID iu.

No, sir.

OVID se.

Yes, sir. I heare of a tragoedie of yours comming foorth for the common players there, call'd MEDEA. By my houshold-gods, if I come to the acting of it, Ile adde one tragick part, more then is yet ex∣pected, to it: beleeue me when I promise it. What? shall I haue my sonne a stager now? an enghle for players? a gull? a rooke? a shot-clogge? to make suppers, and bee laught at? PVBLIVS, I will set thee on the funerall pile, first.

OVID iu.

Sir, I beseech you to haue patience.

LVSC.

Nay, this tis to haue your eares damm'd vp to good counsell. I did angure all this to him afore-hand, without poring into an oxes panch for the matter, and yet he would not be scrupulous.

TVCC.

How now, good man slaue? what, rowle powle? all riualls, ras∣call? why my Master, of worship, do'st heare? Are these thy best proiects? is this thy desseignes and thy discipline, to suffer knaues to bee competi∣tors with commanders and gentlemen? are wee paralells, rascall? are wee paralells?

OVID. se.

Sirrah, goe get my horses ready. You'll still be prating.

TVCC.

Doe, you perpetuall stinkard, doe, goe, talke to tapsters and ostlers, you slaue, they are i' your element, goe: here bee the Emperours captaines, you raggamuffin rascall; and not your cam'rades.

LVPV.

Indeed, MARCVS OVID, these players are an idle generation, and doe much harme in a state, corrupt yong gentrie very much, I know it: I haue not beene a Tribune thus long, and obseru'd nothing: besides, they will rob vs, vs, that are magistrates, of our respect, bring vs vpon their stages, and make vs ridiculous to the plebeians; they will play you, or me, the wisest men they can come by still; me: only to bring vs in contempt with the vulgar, and make vs cheape.

TVCC.

Th'art in the right, my venerable cropshin, they will indeede: the tongue of the oracle neuer twang'd truer. Your courtier cannot kisse his mistris slippers, in quiet, for 'hem: nor your white innocent gallant pawne his reuelling sute, to make his punke a supper. An honest decayed commander, cannot skelder, cheat, nor be seene in a bawdie house, but he shall be straight in one of their worme wood comoedies. They are growne licentious, the rogues; libertines, flat libertines. They forget they are i' the statute, the rascals, they are blazond there, there they are trickt, they and their pedigrees; they neede no other heralds, I wisse.

OVID. se.

Mee thinkes, if nothing else, yet this alone▪ the very rea∣ding of the publike edicts should fright thee from commerce with them; and giue thee distaste enough of their actions. But this betrayes what a student you are: this argues your proficiencie in the law.

OVID. iu.

They wrong mee, sir, and doe abuse you more, That blow your eares with these vntrue reports. I am not knowne vnto the open stage, Nor doe I traffique in their theaters. Indeed, I doe acknowledge, at request Of some neere friends, and honorable Romanes, I haue begunne a poeme of that nature.

OVID. se.

You haue, sir, a poeme? and where is't? that's tho law you studie.

OVID. iu.

CORNELIVS GALLVS borrowed it to reade.

OVID. se.

CORNELIVS GALLVS? There's another gallant, too, hath drunke of the same poison: and TIBVLLVS, and PROPERTIVS. But these are gentlemen of meanes, and reuenew now. Thou art a yon∣ger brother, and hast nothing, but thy bare exhibition: which I protest shall bee bare indeed, if thou forsake not these vnprofitable by-courses, and that timely too. Name me a profest poet, that his poetrie did euer af∣ford

him so much as a competencie. I, your god of poets there (whom all of you admire and reuerence so much) HOMER, he whose worme-eaten statue must not bee spewd against, but with hallowed lips, and groueling adoration, what was he? what was he?

TVCC.

Mary, I'le tell thee, old swagger; He was a poore, blind, ri∣ming rascall, that liu'd obscurely vp and downe in boothes, and tap-houses, and scarce euer made a good meale in his sleepe, the whoorson hungrie begger.

OVID. se.

He saies well: Nay, I know this nettles you now, but an∣swere me; Is't not true? you'le tell me his name shall liue; and that (now being dead) his workes haue eternis'd him, and made him diuine But could this diuinitie feed him, while he liu'd? could his name feast him?

TVCC.

Or purchase him a Senators reuenue? could it?

OVID. se.

I, or giue him place in the common-wealth? worship, or attendants? make him be carried in his litter?

TVCC.

Thou speakest sentences, old BIAS.

LVPV.

All this the law will doe, yong sir, if youle follow it.

OVID. se.

If he be mine, hee shall follow and obserue, what I will apt him too, or, I professe here openly, and vtterly to disclaime in him.

OVID. iu.

Sir, let me craue you will, forgoe these moodes; I will be any thing, or studie any thing: I'le proue the vnfashion'd body of the law Pure elegance, and make her ruggedst straines Ruine smoothly, as PROPERTIVS elegies.

OVID. se.

PROPERTIVS elegies? good!

LVPV.

Nay, you take him too quickly, MARCVS.

OVID. se.

Why, he cannot speake, he cannot thinke out of poetrie, he is bewitcht with it.

LVPV.

Come, doe not mis-prize him.

OVID. se.

Mis-prize? I, mary, I would haue him vse some such wordes now: They haue some touch, some taste of the law. Hee should make himselfe a stile out of these, and let his PROPERTIVS elegies goe by.

LVPV.

Indeed, yong PVBLIVS, he that will now hit the marke, must shoot thorough the law we haue no other planet raignes, & in that spheare, you may sit, and sing with angels. Why, the law makes a man happy, with∣out respecting any other merit: a simple scholer, or none at all may be a lawyer.

TVCC.

He tells thee true, my noble Neophyte; my little Grammaticaster, he do's: It shall neuer put thee to thy Mathematiques, Metaphysiques, Phi∣losophie, and I know not what suppos'd sufficiencies; If thou canst but haue the patience to plod inough, talke, and make noise inough, be impu∣dent inough, and 'tis inough.

LVPV.

Three bookes will furnish you.

TVCC.

And the lesse arte, the better: Besides, when it shall be in the power of thy chen rill conscience, to doe right, or wrong, at thy pleasure, my pretty ALCIBIADES.

LVPV.

I, and to haue better men then himselfe, by many thousand de∣grees, to obserue him, and stand bare.

TVCC.

True, and he to carry himselfe proud, and stately, and haue the law on his side for't, old boy.

OVID. se.

Well, the day growes old, gentlemen, and I must leaue you. PVBLIVS, if thou wilt hold my fauour, abandon these idle fruit∣lesse studies that so bewitch thee. Send IANVS home his back-face againe, and looke only forward to the law: Intend that. I will allow thee, what shall sute thee in the ranke of gentlemen, and maintaine thy societie with the best: and vnder these conditions, I leaue thee. My blessings light vpon thee, if thou respect them: if not, mine eyes may drop for thee, but thine owne heart wil ake for it selfe; and so farewel. What, are my horses come?

LVSC.

Yes, sir, they are at the gate without.

OVID. se.

That's well. ASINIVS LVPVS, a word. Captaine, I shall take my leaue of you?

TVCC.

No, my little old boy, dispatch with COTHVRNVS there: I'le attend thee, I—

LVSC.

To borrow some ten drachmes, I know his proiect.

OVID. se.

Sir, you shall make me beholding to you. Now Captaine TVCCA, what say you?

TVCC.

Why, what should I say? or what can I say, my flowre o' the order? Should I say, thou art rich? or that thou art honorable? or wise? or valiant? or learned? or liberall? Why, thou art all these, and thou knowest it (my noble LVCVLLVS) thou knowest it: come, bee not asha∣med of thy vertues, old stumpe. Honour's a good brooch to weare in a mans hat, at all times. Thou art the man of warres MECOENAS, old boy. Why shouldst not thou bee grac't then by them, as well as hee is by his poets? How now, my carrier, what newes?

LVSC.

The boy has staied within for his cue, this halfe houre.

TVCC.

Come, doe not whisper to me, but speake it out: what? it is no treason against the state, I hope, is't?

LVSC.

Yes, against the state of my masters purse.

PYRG.

Sir, AGRIPPA desires you to forbeare him till the next weeke: his moyles are not yet come vp.

TVCC.

His moyles? now the bots, the spauin, and the glanders, and some dozen diseases more, light on him, and his moyles. What ha' they the yellowes, his moyles, that they come no faster? or are they foundred? ha? his moyles ha' the staggers belike: ha' they?

PYRG.

O no, sir: then your tongue might be suspected for one of his moyles.

TVCC.

Hee owes mee almost a talent, and hee thinks to beare it away with his moyles, does hee? Sirrah, you, nut-cracker, goe your waies to him againe, and tell him I must ha' money, I: I cannot eate stones and turses, say. What, will he clem me, and my followers? Aske him, an' he will clem me: doe, goe. He would haue mee frie my ierkin, would hee?

Away, setter, away. Yet, stay, my little tumbler: this old boy shall supply now. I will not trouble him, I cannot bee importunate, I: I cannot bee impudent.

PYRG.

Alas, sir, no: you are the most maidenly blushing creature vpon the earth.

TVCC.

Do'st thou heare, my little sixe and fiftie, or thereabouts? Thou art not to learne the humours and tricks of that old bald cheater, Time: thou hadst not this chaine for nothing. Men of worth haue their chymaera's, as well as other creatures: and they doe see monsters, some∣times: they doe, they doe, braue boy.

PYRG.

Better cheape then he shall see you, I warrant him.

TVCC.

Thou must let me haue sixe, sixe, drachmes, I meane, old boy; thou shalt doe it: I tell thee, old boy, thou shalt, and in priuate too, do'st thou see? Goe, walke off: there, there. Sixe is the summe. Thy sonn's a gallant sparke, and must not be put out of a sudden: come hither, CAL∣LINACHVS, thy father tells me thou art too poeticall, boy, thou must not be so, thou must leaue them, yong nouice, thou must, they are a sort of poore staru'd rascalls; that are euer wrapt vp in foule linnen; and can boast of nothing but a leane visage, peering out of a seame-rent sute; the very emblemes of beggerie. No, dost heare? turne lawyer, Thou shalt be my solicitor: Tis right, old boy, ist?

OVID. se.

You were best tell it, Captaine.

TVCC.

No: fare thou well mine honest horse-man, and thou old be∣uer. Pray thee Romane, when thou commest to towne, see me at my lodg∣ing, visit me sometimes: thou shalt be welcome, old boy. Doe not balke me, good swaggerer. IOVE keepe thy chaine from pawning, goe thy waies, if thou lack money, I'le lend thee some: I'le leaue thee to thy horse, now. Adieu.

OVID. se.

Farewell, good Captaine.

TVCC.

Boy, you can haue but halfe a share now, boy.

OVID. se.

'Tis a strange boldnesse, that accompanies this fellow: Come.

OVID. iu.

I'le giue attendance on you, to your horse, sir, please you—

OVID. se.

No: keepe your chamber, and fall to your studies; doe so: the gods of Rome blesse thee.

OVID. iu.

And giue me stomacke to digest this law, That should haue followed sure, had I beene he. O sacred poesie, thou spirit of artes, The soule of science, and the queene of soules, What prophane violence, almost sacriledge, Hath here beene offered thy diuinities! That thine owne guiltlesse pouertie should arme Prodigious ignorance to wound thee thus! For thence, is all their force of argument Drawne forth against thee; or from the abuse

Of thy great powers in a dultrate braines: When, would men learne but to distinguish spirits, And set true difference twixt those jaded wits That runne a broken pase for common hire, And the high raptures of a happy Muse Borne on the wings of her immortall thought, That kickes at earth with a disdainefull heele, And bears at heauen gates with her bright hooues; They would not then with such distorted faces, And desp'rate censures stab at poesie. They would admire bright knowledge, and their minds Should ne're descend on so vnworthy obiects, As gold, or titles: they would dread farre more, To be thought ignorant, then be knowne poore. "The time was once, when wit drown'd wealth: but now, "Your onely barbarisme is t'haue wit, and want. "No matter now in vertue who excells, "He, that hath coine, hath all perfection else.