The workes of Beniamin Ionson

Act IIII. Scene III.

PVNTARVOLO, NOTARIE, CARLO, SERVANTS.

I Wonder, Monsieur FASTIDIVS comes not! but, NOTARIE, if thou please to draw the indentures the vvhile, I will giue thee thy in∣structions.

NOTA.

With all my heart, sir; and I'le fall in hand with 'he•• presently.

PVNT.

Well then, first, the summe is to be vnderstood.

NOTA.

Good, sir.

PVNT.

Next, our seuerall appellations, and character of my dog, and cat, must be knowne: shew him the cat, sirrah.

NOTA.

So, sir.

PVNT.

Then, that the intended bound, is the Turkes court in Constan∣tinople: the time limited for our returne, a yeere: and that if either of vs miscarry, the whole venter is lost. These are generall, conceiu'st thou? or if either of vs turne Turke.

NOTA.

I, sir.

PVNT.

Now for particulars: That I may make my trauails by sea or land, to my best liking: and that (hyring a coach for my selfe) it shall bee lawfull for my dog, or cat, or both, to ride with me in the said coach.

NOT.

Very good, sir.

PVN.

That I may choose to giue my dogge, or cat fish, for feare of bones: or any other nutriment, that (by the iudgement of the most au∣tenticall physicians, where I trauaile) shall be thought dangerous.

NOT.

Well, sir.

PVN.

That (after the receit of his monie) he shall neyther in his own person, nor any other, eyther by direct or indirect meanes, as magicke, witchcraft, or other such exoticke artes, attempt, practise, or complot a∣••iething, to the preiudice of mee, my dogge, or my cat: Neyther shall I vse the helpe of any such forceries, or enchantments, as vnctious, to make our skinnes impenetrable, or to trauaile inuisible by vertue of a powder, or a ring, or to hang any three-forked charme about my dogges necke, se∣cretly conuey'd into his collar: (vnderstand you?) but that all be perfor∣med, sincerely, without fraud, or imposture.

NOT.

So, sir.

PVN.

That (for testimonie of the performance) my selfe am to bring thence a T••rkes mustachio, my dogge a Gracian hares lip, and my cat the traine, or taile of a Thracian rat.

NOT.

'Tis done, sir.

PVN.

'Tis said, sir, not done, sir: but forward. That vpon my re∣turne, and landing on the Tower-wharfe, with the aforesaid testimonie, I am to receiue fiue for one, according to the proportion of the summes put forth.

NOT.

Well, sir.

PVN.

Prouided, that if before our departure, or setting forth, either my selfe, or these be visited with sicknesse, or any other casuall euent, so that the whole course of the aduenture bee hindered, thereby; that then, he is to returne, and I am to receiue the prenominated proportion, vpon faire and equall termes.

NOT.

Verie good, sir, is this all?

PVN.

It is all, sir: and dispatch them, good NOT ARIE.

NOT.

As fast as is possible, sir.

PVN.

O, CARLO! welcome: saw you Monsieur BRISKE?

CAR.

Not I: did he appoint you, to meet here?

PVN.

I, and I muse he should be so tardie: hee is to take an hundred pounds of mee in venter, if he maintaine his promise.

CAR.

Is his houre past?

PVN.

Not yet, but it comes on apace.

CAR.

Tut, be not iealous of him: he will sooner breake all the com∣mandements, then his houre, vpon my life, in such a case trust him.

PVN.

Me thinkes, CARLO, you looke verie smooth! ha?

CAR.

Why, I come but now from a hot-house, I must needes looke smooth.

PVN.

From a hot-house!

CAR.

I, doo you make a wonder on't? why it's your only physicke.

Let a man sweate once a weeke in a hothouse, and be well rub'd, fro∣ted, with a good plumpe juicie wench, and sweet linnen: hee shall ne're ha' the poxe.

PVNT.

What, the French poxe?

CARL.

The French poxe! our poxe. S'bloud we haue 'hem in as good forme as they, man: what?

PVNT.

Let mee perish, but thou art a salt one! was your new-created gallant there with you? SOGLIARDO?

CARL.

O, porpuse! hang him, no: hee's a lieger at Hornes ordinarie yonder: his villanous GANIMEDE, and he ha' beene droning a tabacco pipe there, euer sin' yesterday no one.

PVNT.

Who? signior TRIPARTITE, that would giue my dogge the Whiffe?

CARL.

I, hee. They haue hir'd a chamber, and all priuate to practise in, for the making of the Pato••••, the Receit reciprocall, and a num∣ber of other mysteries, not yet extant. I brought some dozen, or twentie gallants this morning to view 'hem (as you'ld doe a piece of Perspectiue) in at a key-hole: and there wee might see SOGLIARDO sit in a chaire, holding his snowt vp like a sow vnder an apple-tree, while th' other ope∣n'd his nostrils with a poking-sticke, to giue the smoke a more free deliue∣rie. They had spit some three, or fourescore ounces betweene 'hem, afore we came away.

PVNT.

How! spit three, or fourescore ounces?

CARL.

I, and preseru'd it in porrengers; as a barber does his bloud▪ when he opens a veine.

PVNT.

Out, Pagan: how dost thou open the veine of thy friend?

CARL.

Friend? Is there any such foolish thing i'the world? ha? S'lid I ne're rellisht it yet.

PVNT.

Thy humour is the more dangerous.

CARL.

No, not a whit, Signior: Tut, a man must keepe time in all. I can oyle my tongue when I meet him next, and looke with a good slicke fore-head; 'twill take away all soyle of suspicion, and that's ynough: what LYNCEVS can see my heart? Pish, the title of a friend, it's a vaine idle thing, only venerable among fooles: you shall not haue one that has any opinion of wit affect it.