The workes of Beniamin Ionson

Act III. (Book 3)

Scene I.

OTTER, M^rs. OTTER, TRVE-WIT, CLERI∣MONT, DAVPHINE.

NAy, good Princesse, heare me pauca verba.

M^rs. OT.

By that light, I'll ha'you chain'd vp, with your bul-dogs, and beare-dogges, if you be not ciuill the sooner. I'll send you to kennell, i'faith. You were best baite me with your bull, beare, and horse? Neuer a time, that the courtiers, or collegiates come to the house, but you make it a shrouetuesday! I would haue you get your whitsontide-veluet-cap, and your staffe i'your hand, to intertaine 'hem: yes introth, doe.

OTT.

Not so, Princesse, neither, but vnder correction, sweete Princesse, gi'me leaue—these things I am knowne to the courtiers by. It is reported to them for my humor, and they receiue it so, and doe ex∣pect it. TOM OTTERS bull, beare, and horse is knowne all ouer England, in rerum natura.

M^rs. OT.

Fore me, I wil na-ture 'hem ouer to Paris-garden, and na-ture you thether too, if you pronounce 'hem againe. Is a beare a fit beast, or a bull, to mixe in society with great ladies? thinke i' your discretion, in any good politie.

OTT.

The horse then, good Princesse.

M^rs OT.

Well, I am contented for the horse: they loue to bee well hors'd, I know. I loue it my selfe.

OTT.

And it is a delicate fine horse this. Poetarum Pegasus. Vnder correction, Princesse, IVPITER did turne himselfe into a—Taurus, or Bull, vnder correction, good Princesse.

M^rs. OT.

By my integritie, I'll send you ouer to the banke-side, I'll commit you to the Master of the garden, if I heare but a syllable more. Must my house, or my roofe, be polluted with the sent of beares, and buls, when it is perfum'd for great ladies? Is this according to the instrument, when I married you? That I would bee Princesse, and raigne in mine owne house: and you would be my subiect, and obay me? What did you bring me, should make you thus peremptory? Do I allow you your halfe-crowne a day, to spend, where you will, among your gamsters, to vexe and torment me, at such times as these? Who giues you your maintenance, I pray you? who allowes you your horse-meat, and mans-meat? your three sutes of apparell a yeere? your foure paire of stockings, one silke, three worsted? your cleane linnen, your bands, and cuffes when I can get you to weare 'hem? 'Tis mar'l you ha'hem on now. Who graces you with courtiers, or great personages, to speake to you out of their coaches, and come home to your house? Were you euer so much as look'd vpon by a lord, or a lady, before I married you: but on the Easter or Whitson-holy-daies? and then out at the banquetting-house windore, when NED WHITING, or GEORGE STONE, were at the stake?

(TRV.

For gods sake, let's goe staue her off him.)

M^rs. OT.

Answere me to that. And did not I take you vp from thence, in an old greasie buffe-doublet, with points; and greene vellet sleeues, out at the elbowes? you forget this.

(TRV.

Shee'll worry him, if we helpe not in time.)

M^rs. OT.

O, here are some o'the gallants! Goe to, behaue your selfe distinctly, and with good moralitie; Or, I protest, I'll take away your exhibition.

Act. III. Scene II.

TRVE-WIT, M^rs. OTTER, CAP. OTTER, CLERI∣MONT, DAVPHINE, CVTBERD.

BY your leaue, faire mistris OTTER, I'll be bold to enter these gen∣tlemen in your acquaintance.

M^rs. OT.

It shall not be obnoxious, or difficill, sir.

TRV.

How do's my noble Captaine? Is the bull, beare, and horse, in rerum natura still?

OTT.

Sir, Sic visum superis.

M^rs. OT.

I would you would but intimate 'hem, doe. Goe your waies in, and get tosts, and butter, made for the wood-cocks. That's a sit pro∣uince for you.

CLE.

Alas, what a tyrannie, is this poore fellow married too.

TRV.

O, but the sport will be anon, when we get him loose.

DAV.

Dares he euer speake?

TRV.

No Anabaptist euer rail'd with the like licence: but marke her language in the meane time, I beseech you.

M^rs. OT.

Gentlemen, you are very aptly come. My cosin, sir AMO∣ROVS, will be here briefly.

TRV.

In good time lady. Was not sir IOHN DAW here, to aske for him, and the companie?

M^rs. OT.

I cannot assure you, M^r. TRVE-WIT. Here was a very melan∣choly knight in a ruffe, that demanded my subiect for some body, a gentle∣man, I thinke.

CLE.

I, that was he, lady.

M^rs. OT.

But he departed straight, I can resolue you.

DAV.

What an excellent choice phrase, this lady expresses in!

TRV.

O, sir! shee is the onely authenticall courtier, that is not na∣turally bred one, in the citie.

M^rs. OT.

You haue taken that report vpon trust, gentlemen.

TRV.

No, I assure you, the court gouernes it so, lady, in your behalfe.

M^rs. OT.

I am the seruant of the court, and courtiers, sir.

TRV.

They are rather your idolaters.

M^rs. OT.

Not so, sir.

DAV.

How now, CVTBERD? Any crosse?

CVT.

O, no sir: Omnia bene. 'Twas neuer better o'the hinges, all's sure. I haue so pleas'd him with a curate, that hee's gone too't almost with the delight he hopes for soone.

DAV.

What is he, for a vicar?

CVT.

One that has catch'd a cold, sir, and can scarse bee heard sixe inches off; as if he spoke out of a bull-rush, that were not pickt, or his throat were full of pith: a fine quick fellow, and an excellent barber of prayers. I came to tell you, sir, that you might omnem mouere lapidem (as they say) be readie with your vexation.

DAV.

Gramercy, honest CVTBERD, be there abouts with thy key to let vs in.

CVT.

I will not faile you, sir: Ad manum.

TRV.

Well, I'll goe watch my coaches.

CLE.

Doe; and wee'll send DAW to you, if you meet him not.

M^rs. OT.

Is master TRVE-WIT gone?

DAV.

Yes, lady, there is some vnfortnnate businesse fallen out.

M^rs. OT.

So I iudg'd by the phisiognomy of the fellow, that came in; and I had a dreame last night too of the new pageant, and my lady Maio∣resse, which is alwaies very ominous to me. I told it my lady HAVGHTY t'other day; when her honour came hether to see some China stuffes: and shee expounded it, out of ARTEMIDORVS, and I haue found it since ve∣ry true. It has done me many affronts.

CLE.

Your dreame, lady?

M^rs. OT.

Yes, sir, anything I doe but dreame o'the city. It staynd me a damasque table-cloth, cost me eighteen pound at one time; and burnt me

a blacke satten gowne, as I stood by the fire, at my ladie CENTAVRES chamber in the colledge, another time. A third time, at the Lords masque, it dropt all my wire, and my ruffe with waxe-candle, that I could not goe vp to the banquet. A fourth time, as I was taking coach to goe to Ware, to meet a friend, it dash'd me a new sute all ouer (a crimson sattin doublet, and blacke veluet skirts) with a brewers horse, that I was faine to goe in and shift mee, and kept my chamber a leash of daies for the anguish of it.

DAVP.

These were dire mischances, lady.

CLE.

I would not dwell in the citie, and 'twere so fatall to mee.

M^rs. OT.

Yes sir, but I doe take aduise of my doctor, to dreame of it as little, as I can.

DAVP.

You doe well, mistris OTTER.

Mr^s. OT.

Will it please you to enter the house farther, gentlemen?

DAVP.

And your fauour, lady: but we stay to speake with a knight, sir IOHN DAW, who is here come. We shall follow you, lady.

M^rs. OT.

At your owne time, sir. It is my cosen sir AMOROVS his feast.—

DAVP.

I know it lady.

M^rs. OT.

And mine together. But it is for his honour; and therefore I take no name of it, more then of the place.

DAVP.

You are a bounteous kinswoman.

M^rs. OT.

Your seruant, sir.

Act III. Scene III.

CLERIMONT, DAW, LA-FOOLE, DAV∣PHINE, OTTER.

WHy doe not you know it, sir IOHN DAW?

DAW.

No, I am a rooke if I doe.

CLE.

I'll tell you then, shee's married by this time! And whereas you were put i' the head, that shee was gone with sir DAVPHI∣NE, I assure you, sir DAVPHINE has beene the noblest, honestest friend to you, that euer gentleman of your quality could boast off. He has disco∣uer'd the whole plot, and made your mistris so acknowledging, and in∣deed, so ashamed of her iniurie to you, that she desires you to forgiue her, and but grace her wedding with your presence to day— She is to be mar∣ried to a very good fortune, she saies, his vnkle, old MOROSE: and she will'd me in priuate to tell you, that she shall be able to doe you more fa∣uours, and with more securitie now, then before.

DAW.

Did she say so, i'faith?

CLE.

Why, what doe you thinke of mee, sir IOHN! aske sir DAV∣PHINE.

DAVP.

Nay, I beleeue you. Good sir DAVPHINE, did shee desire mee to forgiue her?

CLE.

I assure you, sir IOHN, she did.

DAW.

Nay then, I doe with all my heart, and I'll be iouiall.

CLE.

Yes, for looke you sir, this was the iniury to you. LA-FOOLE intended this feast to honour her bridale day, and made you the proper∣tie to inuite the colledge ladies, and promise to bring her: and then at the time, shee should haue appear'd (as his friend) to haue giuen you the dor. Whereas now, sir DAVPHINE has brought her to a feeling of it, with this kinde of satisfaction, that you shall bring all the ladies to the place where shee is, and be verie iouiall; and there, shee will haue a din∣ner, which shall be in your name: and so dis-appoint LA-FOOLE, to make you good againe, and (as it were) a sauer i' the man.

DAW.

As I am a knight, I honour her, and forgiue her hartily.

CLE.

About it then presently, TRVE-WIT is gone before to con∣front the coaches, and to acquaint you with so much, if hee meet you. Ioyne with him, and 'tis well. See, here comes your Antagonist, but take you no notice, but be verie iouiall.

LA-F.

Are the ladies come, sir IOHN DAW, and your mistris? sir DAV∣PHINE! you are exceeding welcome, and honest master CLERIMONT. Where's my cossen? did you see no collegiats, gentlemen?

DAVP.

Collegiats! Doe you not heare, sir AMOROVS, how you are abus'd?

LA-F.

How sir!

CLE.

Will you speake so kindly to sir IOHN DAW, that has done you such an affront?

LA-F.

Wherein, gentlemen? let me be a sutor to you to know, I be∣seech you!

CLE.

Why sir, his mistris is married to day, to sir DAVPHINES vncle, your cosens neighbour, and hee has diuerted all the ladies, and all your company thether, to frustrate your provision, and sticke a digrace vpon you. He was here, now, to haue intic'd vs away from you too: but we told him his owne, I thinke.

LA-F.

Has sir IOHN DAW wrong'd me so in-humanely?

DAV.

He has done it, sir AMOROVS, most maliciously, and trecherous∣ly: but if you'll be rul'd by vs, you shall quit him i' faith.

LA-F.

Good gentlemen! I'll make one, beleeue it. How I pray?

DAV.

Mary sir, get me your phesants, and your godwits, and your best meat, and dish it in siluer dishes of your cosens presently, and say nothing, but clap mee a cleane towell about you, like a sewer; and bare-headed, march afore it with a good confidence ('tis but ouer the way, hard by) and we'll second you, where you shal set it o'the boord, and bid 'hem welcome to't, which shall show 'tis yours, and disgrace his preparation vtterly: and, for your cosen, whereas shee should bee troubled here at home with care of making and giuing welcome, shee shall transferre all that labour thether, and bee a principall guest her selfe, sit rank'd with the colledge-Honors, and bee honor'd, and haue her health drunke as often, as bare, and as lowd as the best of 'hem.

LA-F.

I'll goe tell her presently. It shall be done, that's resolu'd.

CLE.

I thought he would not heare it out, but 'twould take him.

DAVP.

Well, there be guests, & meat now; how shal we do for musique?

CLE.

The smell of the venison, going through the street, will inuite one noyse of fidlers, or other.

DAVP:

I would it would call the trumpeters thether.

CLE.

Faith, there is hope, they haue intelligence of all feasts. There's good correspondence betwixt them, and the London-cookes. 'Tis twenty to one but we haue 'hem.

DAVP.

'Twill be a most solemne day for my vncle, and an excellent fit of mirth for vs.

CLE.

I, if we can hold vp the aemulation betwixt FOOLE, and DAW, and neuer bring them to expostulate.

DAVP.

Tut, flatter 'hem both (as TRVE-WIT sayes) and you may take their vnderstandings in a purse-net. They'll beleeue themselues to be iust such men as we make 'hem, neither more nor lesse. They haue nothing, not the vse of their senses, but by tradition.

CLE.

He enters like a sewer.

See! Sir AMOROVS has his towell on already. Haue you per∣swaded your cossen?

LA-F.

Yes, 'tis verie faesible: shee'll do any thing she sayes, rather then the LA-FOOLES shall be disgrac'd.

DAVP.

She is a noble kinswoman. It will be such a pest'ling deuice, sir AMOROVS! It will pound all your enemies practises to poulder, and blow him vp with his owne mine, his owne traine.

LA-F.

Nay, wee'll giue fire, I warrant you.

CLE.

But you must carry it priuatly, without any noyse, and take no notice by any meanes—

OTT.

Gentlemen, my Princesse sayes, you shall haue all her siluer dishes, festinate: and she's gone to alter her tyre a little, and go with you—

CLE.

And yourselfe too, captaine OTTER.

DAVP.

By any meanes, sir.

OTT.

Yes sir, I doe meane it: but I would entreate my cosen sir A∣MOROVS, and you gentlemen, to be sutors to my Princesse, that I may carry my bull, and my beare, as well as my horse.

CLE.

That you shall doe, captaine OTTER.

LA-F.

My cosen will neuer consent, gentlemen.

DAVP.

She must consent, sir AMOROVS, to reason.

LA-F.

Why, she sayes they are no decorum among ladies.

OTT.

But they are decora, and that's better, sir.

CLE.

I, shee must heare argument. Did not PASIPHAE, who was a queene, loue a bull? and was not CALISTO, the mother of ARCAS, turn'd into a beare, and made a starre, mistris VRSVLA, i' the heauens?

OTT.

O God! that I could ha' said as much! I will haue these stories painted i' the beare-garden, ex Ouidij metamorphosi.

DAVP.

Where is your Princesse, Captaine? pray' be our leader.

OTT.

That I shall, sir.

CLE.

Make haste, good sir AMOROVS.

Act III. Scene IIII.

MOROSE, EPICOENE, PARSON, CVTBERD.

SIr, there's an angel for your selfe, and a brace of angels for your cold. Muse not at this mannage of my bounty. It is fit wee should thanke fortune, double to nature, for any benefit she conferres vpon vs; be∣sides, it is your imperfection, but my solace.

PAR.

The parson speakes, as ha∣uing a cold.

I thanke your worship, so is it mine, now.

MOR.

What sayes he, CVTBERD?

CVT.

He saies, Praesto, sir, whensoeuer your worship needes him, hee can be ready with the like. He got this cold with sitting vp late, and sing∣ing catches with cloth-workers.

MOR.

No more. I thanke him.

PAR.

He coughes.

God keepe your worship, and giue you much ioy with your faire spouse. (Vmh, vmh.)

MOR.

O, Ô, stay CVTBERD! let him giue me fiue shillings of my mo∣ney backe. As it is bounty to reward benefits, so is it equity to mulct iniuries. I will haue it. What sayes he?

CVT.

He cannot change it, sir.

MOR.

It must be chang'd.

CVT.

Cough againe.

MOR.

What sayes he?

CVT.

He will cough out the rest, sir.

PAR.

Againe.

(Vmh, vmh, vmh.)

MOR.

Away, away with him, stop his mouth, away, I forgiue it.—

EPI.

Fye, master MOROSE, that you will vse this violence to a man of the church.

MOR.

How!

EPI.

It do's not become your grauity, or breeding, (as you pretend in court) to haue offer'd this outrage on a water-man, or any more boy∣strous creature, much lesse on a man of his ciuill coat.

MOR.

You can speake then!

EPI.

Yes, sir.

MOR.

Speake out I meane.

EPI.

I sir. Why, did you thinke you had married a statue? or a moti∣on, onely? one of the French puppets, with the eyes turn'd with a wire? or some innocent out of the hospitall, that would stand with her hands thus, and a playse mouth, and looke vpon you.

MOR.

O immodestie! a manifest woman! what CVTBERD?

EPI.

Nay, neuer quarrell with CVTBERD, sir, it is too late now. I

confesse, it doth bate somewhat of the modestie I had, when I writ simply maide: but I hope, I shall make it a stocke still competent, to the e∣state, and dignity of your wife.

MOR.

Shee can talke!

EPI.

Yes indeed, sir.

MOR.

What, sirrah. None of my knaues, there? where is this impo∣stor, CVTBERD?

EPI.

Speake to him, fellow, speake to him. I'll haue none of this coa∣cted, vnnaturall dumbnesse in my house, in a family where I gouerne.

MOR.

She is my Regent already! I haue married a PENTHESILEA, a SEMIRAMIS, sold my liberty to a distaffe!

Act III. Scene V.

TRVE-WIT, MOROSE, EPICOENE

WHere's master MOROSE?

MOR.

Is he come againe! lord haue mercy vpon me.

TRV.

I wish you all ioy, mistris EPICOENE, with your graue and honourable match.

EPI.

I returne you the thankes, master TRVE-WIT, so friendly a wish deserues.

MOR.

She has acquaintance, too!

TRV

God saue you, sir, and giue you all contentment in your faire choise, here. Before I was the bird of night to you, the owle but now I am the messenger of peace, a doue, and bring you the glad wishes of many friends, to the celebration of this good houre.

MOR.

What houre, sir?

TRV.

Your marriage houre sir. I commend your resolution, that (notwithstanding all the dangers I laid afore you, in the voice of a night-crow) would yet goe on, and bee your selfe. It shewes you are a man con∣stant to your own ends, and vpright to your purposes, that would not be put off with left-handed cries.

MOR.

How should you arriue at the knowledge of so much!

TRV.

Why, did you euer hope, sir, committing the secrecie of it to a barber, that lesse then the whole towne should know it? you might as well ha' told it the conduit, or the bake-house, or the infant'ry that follow the court, and with more securitie. Could your grauitie forget so olde and noted a remnant, as lippis & tonsoribus notum. Well sir, forgiue it your selfe now, the fault, and be communicable with your friends. Here will bee three or foure fashionable ladies, from the colledge to visit you presently, and their traine of minions, and followers.

MOR.

Barre my dores! barre my dores! where are all my eaters? my mouthes now? barre vp my dores, you varlets.

EPI.

He is a varlet, that stirres to such an office. Let 'hem stand open.

I would see him that dares mooue his eyes toward it. Shal I haue a barri∣cado made against my friends, to be barr'd of any pleasure they can bring in to me with honorable visitation.

MOR.

O Amazonian impudence!

TRV.

Nay faith, in this, sir, she speakes but reason: and me thinkes is more continent then you. Would you goe to bed so presently, sir, a∣fore noone? a man of your head, and haire, should owe more to that re∣ueuerend ceremony, and not mount the marriage-bed, like a towne-bul, or a mountaine-goate; but stay the due season; and ascend it then with religion, and feare. Those delights are to be steep'd in the humor, and si∣lence of the night; and giue the day to other open pleasures, and jollities of feast, or musique, of reuells, of discourse: wee'll haue all, sir, that may make your Hymen high, and happy.

MOR.

O, my torment, my torment!

TRV.

Nay, if you indure the first halfe houre, sir, so tediously, and with this irksomnesse; what comfort, or hope, can this faire gentlewo∣man make to her selfe hereafter, in the consideration of so many yeeres as are to come—

MOR.

Of my affliction. Good sir, depart, and let her doe it alone.

TRV.

I haue done, sir.

MOR.

That cursed barber!

TRV.

(Yes faith, a cursed wretch indeed, sir.)

MOR.

I haue married his citterne, that's common to all men. Some plague, aboue the plague—

TRV.

(All Egypts ten plagues)

MOR.

Reuenge me on him.

TRV.

'Tis very well, sir. If you laid on a curse or two, more, I'll as∣sure you hee'll beare 'hem. As, that he may get the poxe with seeking to cure it, sir? Or, that while he is curling another mans haire, his owne may drop off? Or, for burning some male-baudes lock, he may haue his braine beat out with the curling-iron?

MOR.

No, let the wretch liue wretched. May he get the itch, and his shop so lousie, as no man dare come at him, nor he come at no man.

TRV.

(I, and if he would swallow all his balles for pills, let not them purge him)

MOR.

Let his warning pan be euer cold.

TRV.

(A perpertuall frost vnderneath it, sir)

MOR.

Let him neuer hope to see fire againe.

TRV.

(But in hell, sir)

MOR.

His chaires be alwaies empty, his scissors rust, and his combes mould in their cases.

TRV.

Very dreadfull that! (And may hee loose the inuention, sir, of caruing lanternes in paper)

MOR.

Let there be no baud carted that yeere, to employ a bason of his: but let him be glad to eate his sponge, for bread.

TRV.

And drinke lotium to it, and much good doe him.

MOR.

Or, for want of bread—

TRV.

Eat eare-waxe, sir. I'll helpe you. Or, draw his owne teeth, and adde them to the lute-string.

MOR.

No, beate the old ones to poulder, and make bread of them.

TRV.

(Yes, make meale o'the millstones.)

MOR.

May all the botches, and burnes, that he has cur'd on others, breake out vpon him.

TRV.

And he now forget the cure of 'hem in himselfe, sir: or, if he do remember it, let him ha' scrap'd all his linnen into lint for't, and haue not a rag left him, to set vp with.

MOR.

Let him neuer set vp againe, but haue the gout in his hands for euer. Now, no more, sir.

TRV.

O that last was too high set! you might goe lesse with him i'faith, and bee reueng'd enough: as, that he be neuer able to new-paint his pole—

MOR.

Good sir, no more. I forgot my selfe.

TRV.

Or, want credit to take vp with a combe-maker—

MOR.

No more, sir.

TRV.

Or, hauing broken his glasse in a former despaire, fall now into a much greater, of euer getting another—

MOR.

I beseech you, no more.

TRV.

Or, that he neuer be trusted with trimming of any but chim∣ney-sweepers —

MOR.

Sir—

TRV.

Or, may he cut a colliers throat with his rasor, by chance-med∣lee, and yet hang for't.

MOR.

I will forgiue him, rather then heare any more. I beseech you, sir.

Act III. Scene VI.

DAW, MOROSE, TRVE-WIT, HAVGHTY, CEN∣TAVRE, MAVIS, TRVSTY.

THis way, madame.

MOR.

O, the sea breakes in vpon me! another floud! an in∣undation! I shall be orewhelm'd with noise. It beates already at my shores. I feele an earthquake in my selfe, for't.

DAW.

'Giue you ioy, mistresse.

MOR.

Has shee seruants too!

DAW.

She kisses them seuerally as he presents them.

I haue brought some ladies here to see, and know you. My ladie HAVGHTY, this my lady CENTAVRE, mistresse DOL MAVIS, mistresse TRVSTIE my ladie HAVGHTIES woman. Where's your husband? let's see him: can he endure no noise? let me come to him.

MOR.

What nomenclator is this!

TRV.

Sir IOHN DAW, sir, your wifes seruant, this.

MOR.

A DAW, and her seruant! O, 'tis decreed, 'tis decreed of mee, and shee haue such seruants.

TRV.

Nay sir, you must kisse the ladies, you must not goe away, now; they come toward you, to seeke you out.

HAV.

I'faith, master MOROSE, would you steale a marriage thus, in the midst of so many friends, and not acquaint vs? Well, I'll kisse you, notwithstanding the iustice of my quarrell: you shall giue me leaue, mi∣stresse, to vse a becomming familiarity with your husband.

EPI.

Your ladiship do's me an honour in it, to let me know hee is so worthy your fauour: as, you haue done both him and me grace, to visit so vnprepar'd a paire to entertaine you.

MOR.

Complement! complement!

EPI.

But I must lay the burden of that, vpon my seruant, here.

HAV.

It shall not need, mistresse MOROSE, we will all beare, rather then one shall be opprest.

MOR.

I know it: and you will teach her the faculty, if shee bee to learne it.

HAV.

Is this the silent woman?

CEN.

Nay, shee has found her tongue since shee was married, master TRVE-WIT sayes.

HAV.

O, master TRVE-WIT! 'saue you. What kinde of creature is your bride here? she speakes, me thinkes!

TRV.

Yes madame, beleeue it, she is a gentlewoman of very absolute behauiour, and of a good race.

HAV.

And IACK DAW told vs, she could not speake.

TRV.

So it was carried in plot, madam, to put her vpon this old fellow, by sir DAVPHINE, his nephew, and one or two more of vs: but shee is a woman of an excellent assurance, and an extraordinarie happie wit, and tongue. You shall see her make rare sport with DAW, ere night.

HAV.

And he brought vs to laugh at her!

TRV.

That falls out often, madame, that he that thinkes himselfe the master-wit, is the master-foole. I assure your lady-ship, yee cannot laugh at her.

HAV.

No, well haue her to the colledge: and shee haue wit, she shall bee one of vs! shall shee not CENTAVRE? wee'll make her a collegiate.

CEN.

Yes faith, madame, and MAVIS, and shee will set vp a side.

TRV.

Beleeue it madame, and mistris MAVIS, shee will sustaine her part.

MAV.

I'll tell you that, when I haue talk'd with her, and try'd her.

HAV.

Vse her very ciuilly, MAVIS.

MAV.

So I will, madame.

MOR.

Blessed minute, that they would whisper thus euer.

TRV.

In the meane time, madame, would but your lady-ship helpe to

vexe him a little: you know his disease, talke to him about the wedding ceremonies, or call for your gloues, or—

HAV.

Let me alone. CENTAVRE, helpe me. M^r. bride-groome, where are you?

MOR.

O, it was too miraculously good to last!

HAV.

Wee see no ensignes of a wedding, here; no character of a brideale: where be our skarfes, and our gloues? I pray you, giue 'hem vs. Let's know your brides colours, and yours, at least.

CEN.

Alas, madame, he has prouided none.

MOR.

Had I knowne your ladiships painter, I would.

HAV.

He has giuen it you, CENTAVRE, yfaith. But, doe you heare, M. MOROSE, a iest will not absolue you in this manner. You that haue suck'd the milke of the court, and from thence haue beene brought vp to the very strong meates, and wine, of it; beene a courtier from the big∣gen, to the night-cap: (as we may say) and you, to offend in such a high point of ceremonie, as this! and let your nuptialls want all markes of solemnitie! How much plate haue you lost to day (if you had but regar∣ded your profit) what guifts, what friends, through your meere ru∣sticitie?

MOR.

Madame—

HAV.

Pardon mee, sir, I must insinuate your errours to you. No gloues? no garters? no skarfes? no epithalamium? no masque?

DAW.

Yes, madame, I'll make an epithalamium, I promis'd my mi∣stris, I haue begunne it already: will your ladiship heare it?

HAV.

I, good IACK DAW.

MOR.

Will it please your ladiship command a chamber, and be pri∣uate with your friend? you shall haue your choice of roomes, to retire to after: my whole house is yours. I know, it hath beene your ladiships er∣rand, into the city, at other times, how euer now you haue beene vnhap∣pily diuerted vpon mee: but I shall be loth to breake any honorable cu∣stome of your ladiships. And therefore, good madame—

EPI.

Come, you are a rude bride-groome, to entertayne ladies of honour in this fashion.

CEN.

He is a rude groome, indeed.

TRV.

By that light, you deserue to be grafted, and haue your hornes reach from one side of the Iland, to the other. Doe not mistake me, sir, I but speake this, to giue the ladies some heart againe, not for any ma∣lice to you.

MOR.

Is this your Brauo, ladies?

TRV.

As god helpe me, if you vtter such another word, I'll take mistris bride in, and beginne to you, in a very sad cup, doe you see? Goe too, know your friends, and such, as loue you.

Act III. Scene VII.

CLERIMONT, MOROSE, TRVE-WIT, DAV∣PHINE, LA-FOOLE, OTTER, M^rs. OTTER, &c.

Musique of all sorts.

BY your leaue, ladies. Doe you want any musique? I haue brought you varietie of noyses. Play, sirs, all of you.

MOR.

O, a plot, a plot, a plot, a plot vpon me! This day, I shall be their anvile to worke on, they will grate me asunder. 'Tis worse then the noyse of a saw.

CLE.

No, they are haire, rosin, and guts. I can giue you the receipt.

TRV.

Peace, boyes.

CLE.

Play, I••say.

TRV.

La-Foole passes oue•• sewing the meate.

Peace, rascalls. You see who's your friend now, sir? Take cou∣rage, put on a martyrs resolution. Mocke downe all their attemptings, with patience. 'Tis but a day, and I would suffer heroically. Should an asse exceed me in fortitude? No. You betray your infirmitie with your hanging dull eares, and make them insult: beare vp brauely, and constant∣ly. Looke you here, sir, what honour is done you vnexpected, by your nephew; a wedding dinner come, and a Knight sewer before it, for the more reputation: and fine M^rs. OTTER, your neighbour, in the rump, or tayle of it.

MOR.

Is that Gorgon, that Medusa come? Hide me, hide me.

TRV.

I warrant you, sir, shee will not transforme you. Looke vpon her with a good courage. Pray you entertayne her, and conduct your guests in. No? Mistris bride, will you entreat in the ladies? your bride∣groome is so shame-fac'd, here—

EPI.

Will it please your ladiship, madame?

HAV.

With the benefit of your companie, mistris.

EPI.

Seruant, pray you performe your duties.

DAW.

And glad to be commanded, mistris.

CEN.

How like you her wit, MAVIS.

MAV.

Very prettily, absolutely well.

M^rs. OT.

'Tis my place.

MAV.

You shall pardon me, mistris OTTER.

M^rs. OT.

Why I am a collegiate.

MAV.

But not in ordinary.

M^rs OT.

But I am.

MAV.

Wee'll dispute that within.

CLE.

Would this had lasted a little longer.

TRV.

And that they had sent for the Heralds. Captayne OTTER, what newes?

OTT.

I haue brought my bull, beare, and horse, in priuate, and yon∣der are the trumpetters without, and the drum, gentlemen.

MOR.

The Drum, and Trumpets sound.

O, Ô, Ô.

OTT.

And we will haue a rouse in each of'hem, anon, for bold Bri∣tons, yfaith.

MOR.

O, Ô, Ô.

ALL.

Follow, follow, follow.