The workes of Beniamin Ionson

Scene I.

POLITIQVE, PEREGRINE.

I Told you, sir, it was a plot: you see What obseruation is. You mention'd mee, For some instructions: I will tell you, sir, (Since we are met, here in this height of Venice) Some few particulars, I haue set downe, Onely for this meridian; fit to be knowne Of your crude traueller, and they are these. I will not touch, sir, at your phrase, or clothes, For they are old.

PER.

Sir, I haue better.

POL.

Pardon I meant, as they are theames.

PER.

O, sir, proceed: I'le slander you no more of wit, good sir.

POL.

First, for your garbe, it must be graue, and serious; Very reseru'd, and lock't; not tell a secret, On any termes, not to your father; scarse A fable, but with caution; make sure choise Both of your company, and discourse; beware, You neuer spake a truth—

PER.

How!

POL.

Not to strangers, For those be they you must conuerse with, most; Others I would not know, sir, but, at distance, So as I still might be a fauer, in 'hem: You shall haue tricks, else, past vpon you, hourely. And then, for your religion, professe none; But wonder, at the diuersitie of all; And, for your part, protest, were there no other But simply the lawes o' th' land, you could content you: NIC: MACHIAVEL, and monsieur BODINE, both, Were of this minde. Then, must you learne the vse, And handling of your siluer forke, at meales; The mettall of your glasse: (these are maine matters, With your Italian) and to know the houre, When you must eat your melons, and your figges.

PER.

Is that a point of state, too?

POL.

Here it is. For your Venetian, if he see a man Preposterous, in the least, he has him straight;

He has: he strippes him. I'le acquaint you, sir, I now haue liu'd here ('tis some fourteene monthes) Within the first weeke, of my landing here, All tooke me for a citizen of Venice: I knew the formes, so well—

PER.

And nothing else.

POL.

I had read CONTARENE, tooke me a house, Dealt with my Iewes, to furnish it with moueables— Well, if I could but finde one man, one man, To mine owne heart, whom I durst trust, I would—

PER.

What? what, sir?

POL.

Make him rich; make him a fortune: He should not thinke, againe. I would command it.

PER.

As how?

POL.

With certaine proiects, that I haue: Which, I may not discouer.

PER.

If I had But one to wager with, I would lay odds, now, He tels me, instantly.

POL.

One is, (and that I care not greatly, who knowes) to serue the state Of Venice, with red herrings, for three yeeres, And at a certaine rate, from Roterdam, Where I haue correspondence. There's a letter, Sent me from one o'th' States, and to that purpose; He cannot write his name, but that's his marke.

PER.

He is a chaundler?

POL.

No, a cheesemonger. There are some other too, with whom I treate, About the same negotiation; And, I will vndertake it: For 'tis thus, I'le do't with ease, I' haue cast it all. Your hoigh Carries but three men in her, and a boy; And she shall make me three returnes, a yeare: So, if there come but one of three, I saue, If two, I can defalke. But, this is now, If my mayne proiect faile.

PER.

Then, you haue others?

POL.

I should be loath to draw the subtill ayre Of such a place, without my thousand aymes. Ile not dissemble, sir, where ere I come, I loue to be consideratiue; and, 'tis true, I haue, at my free houres, thought vpon Some certaine goods, vnto the state of Venice, Which I doe call my cautions: and, sir, which I meane (in hope of pension) to propound To the great councell, then vnto the forty, So to the ten. My meanes are made already—

PER.

By whom?

POL.

Sir, one, that though his place b'obscure, Yet, he can sway, and they will heare him. H'is A commandadore.

PER.

What, a common sergeant?

POL.

Sir, such, as they are, put it in their mouthes,

What they should say, sometimes: as well as greater. I thinke I haue my notes, to shew you —

PER.

Good, sir,

POL.

But, you shall sweare vnto me, on your gentry, Not to anticipate—

PER.

I, sir?

POL.

Nor reueale A circumstance—My paper is not with mee.

PER.

O, but, you can remember, sir.

POL.

My first is, Concerning tinder-boxes. You must know, No family is, here, without it's boxe. Now sir, it being so portable a thing, Put case, that you, or I were ill affected Vnto the state; sir, with it in our pockets, Might not I goe into the arsenale? Or you? come out againe? and none the wiser?

PER.

Except your selfe, sir.

POL.

Goe too, then. I, therefore, Aduertise to the state, how fit it were, That none, but such as were knowne patriots, Sound louers of their countrey, should be sufferd T'enioy them in their houses: and, euen those, Seal'd, at some office, and, at such a bignesse, As might not lurke in pockets.

PER.

Admirable!

POL.

My next is, how t'enquire, and be resolu'd, By present demonstration, whether a ship, Newly arriued from Soría, or from Any suspected part of all the leuant, Be guilty of the plague: And, where they vse, To lie out fortie, fifty daies, sometimes, About the Lazaretto, for their triall; Ile saue that charge, and losse vnto the merchant, And, in an houre, cleare the doubt.

PER.

Indeede, sir?

POL.

Or—I will loose my labour.

PER.

'My faith, that's much.

POL.

Nay, sir, conceiue me. 'Twill cost me, in onions, Some thirtie liu'res—

PER.

Which is one pound sterling.

POL.

Beside my water-workes: for this I doe, sir. First, I bring in your ship, 'twixt two brickwalles; (But those the state shall venter) on the one I straine me a faire tarre-paulin; and, in that, I stick my onions, cut in halfes: the other Is full of loope-holes, out at which, I thrust The noses of my bellowes; and, those bellowes I keepe, with water-workes, in perpetuall motion, (Which is the easi'st matter of a hundred) Now, sir, your onion, which doth naturally Attract th' infection, and your bellowes, blowing The ayre vpon him, will shew (instantly) By his chang'd colour, if there be contagion,

Or else, remaine as faire, as at the first. Now 'tis knowne, 'tis nothing.

PER.

You are right, sir.

POL.

I would, I had my note.

PER.

'Faith, so would I: But, you ha' done well, for once, sir.

POL.

Were I false, Or would be made so, I could shew you reasons, How I could sell this state, now, to the Turke; Spight of their galleis, or their —

PER.

Pray you, sir POLL.

POL.

I haue 'hem not, about me.

PER.

That I fear'd. They' are there, sir?

POL.

No, this is my diary, Wherein I note my actions of the day.

PER.

'Pray you, let's see, sir. What is here? notandum, A rat had gnawne my spurre-lethers; notwithstanding, I put on new, and did goe forth: but, first, I threw three beanes ouer the threshold. Item, I went, and bought two tooth-pickes, whereof one I burst, immediatly, in a discourse With a dutch merchant, 'bout ragion del stato. From him I went, and payd a moccinigo, For peecing my silke stockings; by the way, I cheapen'd sprats: and at S^t. MARKES, I vrin'd. 'Faith these are politique notes!

POL.

Sir, I do slippe No action of my life, thus, but I quote it.

PER.

Beleeue me it is wise!

POL.

Nay, sir, read forth.