The flytting betwixt Montgomerie and Polwart
Hume, Patrick, Sir, fl. 1580-1621., Montgomerie, Alexander, 1545?-1598. aut
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POLWART and MONTGOMERIES flytting.
Montgomerie to Polwart.
POlwart ye peip like a Mouse among thornes,
Na cunning ye keip, Polwart ye peip:
Ye looke like a sheep and ye had twa horns,
Polwart ye peip like a Mouse among thorns.
Beware what thou speaks, litle foule earth Tade,
With thy Cannigate breiks beware what thou speiks,
Or there shalbe wat cheiks for the last that thou made,
Beware what thou speiks, litle foule earth Tade.
Foule mismade myting, borne in the Merse,
By word and by wryting, foule mismade myting
Leaue off thy flytting, come kisse my Erse,
Foule mismade myting, borne in the Merse.
And wee mell thou shalt yell, litle cultron Cuist,
Thou sall tell, euen thy sell, and we mell thou salt yell,
Thy smell was sa sell, and stronger than Muist,
And wee mell, thou salt yell, little custoun Cuist.
Thou art doeand and dridland like an foule beast,
Fykand, and fidland: thou art doeand and dridland,
Strydand and stridland, like Robin red-brest,
Thou art doeand and dridland, like an foule beast.
Polwarts reply to Montgomerie.
DEspitefull spider poore of spreit,
Begins with babling mee to blame,
Gowke wyte mee not to gar thee greit,
Thy tratling, truiker, J shall •ame,
When thou beleeues to winne a name,
Thou shall bee banishde of all bield,
And syne receiue baith skaith and shame
And sa bee forc'de to leaue the field.
Thy ragged roundels, raueand Royt,
Some short, some lang, some out of lyne,
With scabrous colours, fulsome floyt,
Proceedand from an pynt of Wine,
Quhilke haults for fault of feet like myne,
Yet foole thou thought no shame to writ them,
At mens command that laikes ingyne,
Quhilke doyted Dyvours gart thee dyte them.
But gouked goose, I am right glade,
Thou art begunne in write to flyte,
Sen Lowne thy language J haue laide,
And put thee to thy pen to write:
Now dogge J shall thee sa despyte,
With pricking put thee to sik speid,
And cause thee (Curre) that warkloome quite,
Syne s••k an hole to hide thy heid.
Yel kna•e acknowledge thy offence,
Or I grow crabbed, and so clai• thee,
Ask mercy make obedience,
In time for feare lest J forfair thee:
Jll spreit I will na langer spair thee:
Blaide blecke thee, to bring jn a gyse,
And to drie pēnance soon prepare ••ee
Syne passe foorth as I shall deuyse,
First fair threed-bair with soundred feit,
Recanting thy vnseemely sawes,
Jn Pilgrimage to Allare it.
Syne bee content to quite the cause,
And in thy teeth bring me the Tawes,
With becks my bidding to abyde,
Whether thou will let belt thy bawes
Or kisse all cloffes that stands beside.
And of thir twa take thou thy chose,
For thy awin profite I procure thee,
Or with a prick into thy nose
To stand content, I •all conjure thee.
But at this time think I forbuir thee
Because I can not treat thee fairer,
Sit thou this charge, I will assure thee,
The second salbee something sairer.
Montgomerie to Polwart.
FAlse fecklesse foulmart, loe heir a defyance,
Ga sey thy science, doe Droigh what thou dow,
Trot tyke to a tow, Mandrag but myance,
We will heir tydance, peil•d Polwart of thy pow,
Page [unnumbered]Many yeald yew hast thou cald ouer a know,
Syne hid them in a how; starke theefe when thou staw them,
Menswearing thou saw them, and made but a mow,
Syne fylde in a Row, when the man came that awe them.
Thy dittay was death, thou dar not deny it,
Thy trumpery was tryed, thy falset they fand,
Burreau the band, Cor mundum thou cryed,
Condem•'d to bee dry'd and hung vp fra hand:
While thou payde a pand in a stowre thou did stand,
With a willie wand thy skinne was well scourged,
Syne feinzedly forged how thou left the land,
Now Sirs I demand how this Pod can bee purged.
Yet wanshapen shit thou shupe such a sunzie,
As proud asye prunzie your pennes shall be plucked,
Come kisse where I cuckied, and change me that cunzie,
Your gryses grunzie is gracelesse and gowked,
Your mouth most bee mucked while ye bee instructed,
Foule flirdome, wanfucked, tersell of a Taide,
Thy meter mismade hath lousilie lucked,
I grant thou conducted thy termes in a slaide.
Little angrie Attercop• and auld vnsell Aipe,
Ye grein for to gape vpon the gray meir,
Play with thy Peir, or Ile pull thee like a Paipe,
Goe ride in a raipe, for this noble new yeir:
I promise thee heir to thy chafts ill cheir,
Except thou go leir to licke at the lowder,
With Potingars powder thy selfe ouersmeir
The Castle ye weir well seiled on your shoulder.
This twise sealed trumpet with his tratling trowes,
Making vaine vowes, to match him with me,
With the print of a key well burnt on the browes
Now God salbe witnesse, wherefra came ye
Page [unnumbered]For all your bombill ye'r warde a little wee:
I thinke for to see thee hing by the heils
For termes that thou ste•lis of olde Poetrie,
Now who should trow thee that's past baith the seilis.
Proud poysonde pykethanke, peruerse and perjured,
I dow not indure it to bee bitten with a duike,
I's fell thee like a Fluike, flatlings on the flure,
Thy scrowes obscure are borrowed fra some buil•,
Fra Lindsay thou tuik, thou'rt Chancers Cuike,
Ay lying like a Ruike, gif men wold not skar thee;
But beast J debarre thee the Kings Chimney nuike,
Thou flees for a looke, but I shall ride nar thee.
False strydand stickdirt, I's gar thee stinke,
How durst thou mint with thy Master to mell,
On sik as thy sell, little pratling pinke,
Could thou not ware inke thy tratling to tell,
Hoy hu•son to Hell amang the fiends fell
To drinke of that well that poysonde thy pen,
Where divels in their den doe yammer and yell,
Heir J thee expell from all Christian men.
Polwart to Montgomerie.
BLeird babling bystour, baird obey
Learne skybald knaue to know thy sell,
Vile vagabound, or I invey
Custroun with cuffes thee to compell,
Yet, tratling truiker, trueth to tell,
Stoup thou not at the second charge,
Mischieuous mishant, wee shall mell
With laidly language loud and large.
Where Lowne as thou loues thy life,
I baith command and counsell thee,
For to eschew this sturtsome strife,
And with thy manlie Maister gree,
To this effect, I summond thee
By publick proclamation,
Gowke to compeir vpon thy knee
And kisse my foull foundation.
But Lord I laugh to see thee bluiter,
Gloir in thy ragments, rash to raill
With maighty manked magled meiter,
Tratland, and tumland top o•• re taill,
As Carlings compts their farts doyl'd snaill,
Thy roustie ratrymes made but mater
I could weill follow, wald I saill,
Or preasse to fish within thy water.
Only because, Owle, thou dois vse it,
J will write verse of common kind,
And Swingeour for thy sake refuse it,
To crabe thee, bumbler, by thy mind,
Pedler, J pitty thee sapin'd,
To buckell him that beares the bell,
Jackstro be better, anes ingyn'd,
Or J sall flyte against my sell.
But bre•flie beist, to answere thee
Jn sermon short, J am content,
And sayes thy similitudes vnslie
Are na wayes very pertinent,
Thy tyr'd comparisons a sklent
Are monstrous like the Mule that made them,
Thy borrowed barkings violent,
Yet were they worse let men out war them.
Also J may bee Chaucers man,
And yet thy master not the lesse:
But wolfe that wastes on Cup and Kan,
In Glu•rtony, thy grace J guesse;
Ga dr•nken Dyvour, thee addresse:
And borrow thee embessed breiks,
To beare mee now thy praise expresse
Knaue if thou can without wat cheiks.
First of thy just Genealogie
Tyke J shall tell the trueth I trow,
Thou was begotten, some sayes mee,
Betwixt the divell and a dun Kow,
One night when that the fiend was fow,
At banquet birland at the beir,
Thou sowked syne a sweit brod sow,
Amang the middings many a yeir.
On ruites and runches in the field
With nolt thou nourish•d was a yeir,
Whill that thou past baith poore and peild
I•to argyle some lair to le••.
As the last night did weil appeir,
When thou stood fidgeing at the fyre,
Fast fykand with thy Heiland cheir,
My fly•ing forc•de thee sa to flyre.
Into the Land where thou was borne
I read of no•ght but it was skant,
Of Cattell, Cleithing, and of Corne,
Where wealth and welfair baith doth want.
Now Tade-face, take this for no tant,
J hear your housing is right fair,
Where howlring howlets ay doth hant,
With Robin red-brest but repair.
The Lords and Lairds within that Land
I knaw are men of mekill rent,
Page [unnumbered]And liuing as J vnderstand,
W•ill in an Innes, wee bee content
To lieue and let their house in Lent:
In Lentron month and the lang Sōmer
Where twelue Knights kitchins hath a vent
Quhilke for to furnish dois them cumber.
For store of Lambes and lang-tailde wedders
Thou knowes where many couples gaes
For s•ealing tyed fast in tedders
In fellon flockes of anes and twaes,
Abroad athort your bankes and braes
Ye do abound in Coale and Ca•ke,
And thinke as fooles to fley all faes
With Targets tullies and toome talke.
Alace poore hood-pykes, hungerbitten
Accustom•d with scurrilitie
Rydand like boys•ures, all beshitten,
In fields without fertilitie:
Bare, barren, with sterilitie,
For fault of cattell corne and gerse.
Your banquets of most nobilitie
Deare of the Dog brawne in the Merse.
Wi•le•se vanter, were thou wise
Cus•roun thou would Cer mundum cry.
Ou••laiden lowne, with lang-tailde lyee.
Thy doytit dytings soone deny,
Tro•ker, or I thy trumpery try
And make a legend of thy life,
For flyte I anes, folke will cry fye,
Then thou'll bee wa•de with euery wife.
Page [unnumbered]Polwarts medicine to Montgomerie. beeing sicke.
SJR Sweingeour seeing I want wars
And salues to slake thee of thy saires
This present from the Pothecares
Me think meet to amend thee.
First for thy feuer feid on foly
With fasting stomack take oyld-oly
Mixt with a mouthfull of melancholy
From fleame for to defend thee.
Syne passe a space, and smell a flowre
Thy inward parts to purge and scowre
Take thee three bites of ane black howre
And Ruebarb bache and bitter.
This duely done but any din
Sup syne seix sops but something thin
Of the Diuell scald thy guts within
To heale thee of thy skitter.
Vnto thy bed syne make thee bown,
Take ane sweit Syrop worth a Crowne
And drink it with the Diuell ga downe
To recreat thy spreit.
And last of all, craig in a Cord,
Send for a powder and pay for'd,
Called the vengeance of the Lord
For thy mug mouth most meit.
Gif this preserue thee not fra paine
Passe to the Pothecars againe,
Some recipies does yet remaine
To heale bruik byle or blister.
As Diadragma when ye dine,
O•Diabolicon wat in wine
With powder I drait fellon fine,
And mair yet when ye mister.
Montgomeries answere to Polwart.
VYle venemous viper, wanthriftiest of things,
Halfe an •lf, hal• an Aip, of Nature deny it,
Thou fl••• with a Cuntry the quhilk was the Kings
But that barga•, vnbeast, deare sall thou buy it,
The cuff is well wared that twa hame brings,
This Pro•erb foull pelt to thee is apply it,
First spider of spyte, thou spewes out springs,
Yet wanshapen wowbet of the weirds invy it,
J can tell thee, how, when, where, and quha gat thee,
The quhilke was neither man nor wife
Nor humane Creature on life,
Thou stinkand stei•er vp of strife,
False how let haue at thee.
Jn the hinder end of haruest on Alhallow euen,
When our good Neighbours do is ride, gif I read right,
Some buckled on a bunewand and some on a been,
A• trottand in troupes from the twylight,
Some sadled a shee Aipe, all grathed into greene,
Some hobland on an hemp stalk, hove and to the hight,
The King of Pharie and his court, with the Elfe Queene,
With many Elrich Jncubus was rydand that Night,
There an Elf on an A•p an vnsell begat,
Jnto a pot by Pomathorne
That bratchart in a busse was borne,
They fand a monster on the morne
War fac'd nor a Cat.
The weird sisters wandring, as they were wont then,
Saw Reavens rugand at that ratton by a Ron ruit,
They mused at the Mandrake vnmade like a man,
A Beast bund with a bounevand in ane old buit,
How that gaist had bein gotten to gesse they began,
Weill sweilde in a swynes skin, and smeirit ouer with suit,
The belly that it first bair full bitterly they ban,
Of this mismade Moldewart mischiefe they muit,
That crooked camschoche croyll vncristened they curse,
They bad that baiche should not be but
The glengoir gravell and the gut
And all the plagues that first were put
Into Pandoraes purse.
The coch, and the connogh, the collicke, and the cold,
The cords, and the cout-euill, the clasps and the cleiks,
The hunger, the hart-ill, and the hoist still thee hald,
The botch, and the barbles, with the Cannigate breiks,
With bock-blood, and benshaw, speuen sprung in the spald,
The fersie, the falling-euill that fells many freiks,
Ouergane all with Angleberries as thou growes ald,
The kinkhost, the Charbucle, and wormes in the cheiks,
The snuff and the snoir, the chaudpeece and the chanker.
With the blaids and the belly thraw,
The bleiring bats, and the beanschaw,
With the mischief of the melt and maw,
The clape and the canker.
The frencie, the fluxes, the fyk, and the felt,
The feauers, the fearcie, with the speinzie flees,
The doyt, and the dysmall, indifferently delt,
The powlings, the palsey, with pocks like pees.
The swerf, and the sweiting, with sounding to swelt,
The weam-ill, the wild-fire, the vomit, and the vees,
Page [unnumbered]The mair, and the migrame, with meathes in the melt,
The warbles, and the wood-worme whereof dogs dies,
The teasicke, the tooth-aik, the tittes and the titles,
The painfull poplesie and pest,
The rot, the roup, and the auld rest,
With parlesse and plurisies opprest,
And nip'd with the nirles.
Woe worth (quoth the weirds) the wights that thee wrought
Threed bair be their thrift as thou art wanthreiuin,
Als h•rd bee their handsell that helpes thee to ought,
The rotten Rim of thy wombe with Rookes salbe reiuin,
All bounds where thou bides to baill salbe brought,
Thy Gall and thy Gu•sserne to Glaids sall be giuen,
Ay short bee thy solace, with shame be thou soght,
In Hell mot thou haunt thee and hide thee fra Heavin,
And ay as thou auld growes so eikand be thy anger,
To liue with limmers and outlawes,
With hurcheons eat and hips and hawes
But when thou comes where the Cock crawes
Tary there na langer.
Shame and sorrow on her snout that suffers thee to sowke,
Or shoe that cares for thy cradill cauld be her cast,
Or brings any bedding for thy bl•e bowke,
Or l••ses off thy lingals sa lang as they may last,
Or o•fers •hee a•y thing all the lang owke,
Or first refresheth thee with food, howbeit thou so•ld fast,
Or when thy d•des are bed•rten that giues them ane dowk,
All groomes when thou greits at thy ganting be agast,
Als froward be thy fortune as foull is thy forme.
F•rst seven yeirs be thou dumb and deiff,
And after that a common theiff,
Thus art thou marked for mi•cheiff,
Foule vnworthy worme.
Outrow'd be thy tongue, yet tratling all times,
Ay the langer that thou liues thy lucke be the lesse
All countries where thou comes accuse thee of crimes,
And false be thy fingers, but leath to confesse,
Ay raving and rageing in rude ratrymes.
All ill be thou vse and, and ay in excesse,
Ilk Moone be thou mad fra past be the primes
Still pleagu'd with povertie thy pryde to oppresse.
Wih warwolfes and wild Cats thy weird be to wander,
Dragleit throw dirtie dubs and dykes
Tousled and tuggled with towne Tykes,
Say lousie lyar what thou lykes
Thy tongue is na sclander.
F•a the sisters had seene the shape of that shit
L•t•e l••k be thy lot there where thou lyes,
T•y fumard face, quoth the first, to flyt salbe fit,
N••n••e• quoth the nixt sall nou•ish thee twyse,
To ryd post to elphin nane abler nor it,
To d•i•e dogs but to dryt, the third can devyse,
All thy dayes sall thou be of ane body but a bit,
Als •uith i• this sentence as sharpe is thy syse,
Syne duely they deem'd what death it sould die:
The first said surely of a shot,
The second of a running knot,
The third be throwing of thee throt
Like a tyke ouer ane tree.
When all the weird sisters had thus voted in one voyce
The deid of the dablet, then syn they withdrew,
To let it ly all allaine they thougt it litle losse
Jn a den be a dyke or the day dew:
Than a cleir companie came soone after closse
Nicneuen with her nymphes, in number anew,
With charmes from Caitnes and Chanrie of Rosse,
Page [unnumbered]Whose cunning consists in casting of a Clew,
They seeing this sairie thing, said to them self,
This thriftles thing is meit for vs
And for our craft commodious,
Ane vglie Aipe and Incubus
Gotten with an Elf.
Thir venerable Virgins, whom the warld call witches,
In the time of their triumph, tirr'd me the Taide,
Some backward raid on brodsowes, & some on black bitches,
Some in steid of a staig ouer a stark Monk straid,
Fra the how to the hight some hobles, some hatches.
With their mouthes to the Moone, murgeons they maid,
Some be force in effect the foure windes fetches,
And nyne times withershins about the throne raid,
Some glowring to the ground, some grieviously gaipes.
Be craft conjure and fiends perforce
Furth of a Cairne, beside a croce
Thir Ladies lighted fra their horse
And band them with raipes.
Syne bare-foot and bare-leg'd to babtize that bairne
Till a water they went be a wood side,
They fand the shit all beshitten in his awin shearne,
On three headed Hecatus to heir them they cryde
As we haue found in the field this fundling forfairne,
First his faith he forsakes in thee to confyde,
Be vertue of thir words and this raw yearne,
And whill this thrise thretty knots on this blew threed byd,
And of thir mens members weill sow'd to a shoe
Whilks we haue tane fra top to tae
Euen of ane hundreth men and mae
Now grant vs goddesse or we gae
Our dueties to doe
Be the hight of the heavins and be the hownesse of hell,
Page [unnumbered]Be the windes and the weirds and the Charle waine
Be the hornes, the hand-staff and the kings ell.
Be thunder be fyreflaughts, be drouth and be raine,
Be the poles and the planets, and the signes all twell
Be mirknes of the Moone, let mirknes remaine,
Be the Elements all that our crafts can compell,
Be the fiends infernall, and the furies in paine,
Gar all the Gaists of the dead that dwels there downe
In Lethe and Styx thae stinkand strands.
And Pluto that your Court commands
Receiue this howlat off our hands
In name of Mahowne
That this worme in our worke some wonders may wirk,
And through the poyson of this pod our pratiques prevaill,
To cut aff our cumber fra comming to the Kirk,
For the half of our help and hes it heir haill,
Let neuer this vndogh• of ill doing irk,
Bu• ay blyth to begin all barret and baill,
Of all bl•s let it be als bair as the birk
That ti•test the taidrell may tell ane ill taill,
Let no vice in this world in this wanthrift be wanted.
Be they had said, the fireflaughts flew,
Baith thunder, raine, and winds blew,
Where be their comming commers knew
Their asking was granted.
When thae Dames devotely had done their devore
In heauing this hurcheon, they hasted them hame,
Of that matter to make remained no more
Sauing nixt how thae Nuns that worling sould name,
They know'd all the kytrall the face of it before,
And nip'd it sa doones neir, to see it was a shame,
They cal'd it peil'd Polwart they pull'd it so sore,
Where we clip, quoth the Commers, there needs na kame,
For wee haue height to Mah•wn for handsell this hair,
They made it like a scraped swyne,
Page [unnumbered]And as they Cow'd they made it whryne,
Jt shau'd the selfe aye on sensyne
The beard was sa bair.
Fra the Kummers that Crab had with Pluto contracted
They promeist as parents syne for their owne part
A mouer of mischiefe and they might for to make it.
As an Impe of all ill most apt for their Art,
N•cneuin as nourish, to teach it, gart take it
To saill sure in a sciff but Compasse or Cairt.
And milke of an hairne tedder, thoght wi•es suld be wrack it,
And a Kow giue a chopin was wont to giue a quart
Many babes and bairnes sall blesse thy bair banes,
When they haue neither milke nor meill,
Compel'd for hunger for to steill
Than sall they giue thee to the Deill
Able ofter nor anes.
Be an after midnight their office was ended,
At that tyde was na time for troumpeurs to tarry,
Syne backeward on horsebacke brauely they bended,
That cam-nosed Cocatrice they quite with them cary,
To Ka•t of Crief in an creill soone they gar•d send it
Where seuin yeir it sat baith singed and sairie,
The kin of it be the cry incontinent kend it,
Syne fetcht food for to feid it foorth from the Pharie,
Jlke Elfe of them all brought an almons house Oster.
Jndeid it was a daintie dish,
A foull flegmatick foulsome fish,
In steid of sauce on it they pish,
Sik food feed sik a foster.
Syne fra the fathers side fynely had fed it
Many monkes and mar•asites came with the mother,
Blacke botch fall the briest and the belly that bred it.
Page [unnumbered]Ay offered they that vndoght fra ane to another,
Wher that smatched had sowked, sa sait it was to shed it.
But belyue it begane to buckle the brother,
In the barke of ane bourtree whylome they bed it.
All talking with there tougues the ane to the other,
With flirting and flyring their physnome they slype.
Some luikand lyce in the crowne of it keeks,
Some choppes the kiddes into their cheeks
Some in their oxster hard it cleeks
Like an auld bag-pipe.
With mudyones and murgeones and mouing the brai•e
They lay it, they lift it, they louse it, they lace it,
They graip it, they grip it It greets and they grane,
They bed it, they baw it, they bind it they brace it,
It skittered, and skarted, they skirl'd ilk ane,
All the Ky in the countrey they skared and chaced
That roaring they wood-ran and routed in a reane,
The wild deere fra their den their din hes displaced,
The cry was sa ouglie of Elfes Aipes and Owles
That geise and gaisling cryes and craikes,
Jn dubs douks down Duikes and draikes,
All beists for feir the fields forsakes
And the towne Tykes yowles.
Sik a mirthlesse Musick thir men•tralls did mak•
Whill Ky cast caprels behind with their heeles
Littill tent to their time the To•ne leit them take,
But ay rammeist red wood, and ravel'd in their reeles,
Then the cummers that ye ken came all in a clak
To conjure that coidyoch with clewes in their creeles,
Whill all the bounds them about grew bla•kned and black
For the din of thir daiblets rais'd all the deils
To concurre in the cause they we•e c•me sa far,
For they their god bairne gifts wald giue,
To teach the childe to steale and reiue.
Page [unnumbered]And aye the langer that it liue
The warld sould be the war.
Polwarts third flytting agaînst Montgomerie.
IN fernall frawart feaming furies fell
Curst canker'd, crabed (Clotho) help to quell
Yon Caribald yone catiue execrabill,
Provyde my pen profoundly to distell
Some dure despite to daunt yon deuill of hell,
And dryve with doole to death detestabill
This mad malitious monster miserabill,
Ane tyke tormented, troting out of toone,
That rynnes red wood at ilk middes of the Moone.
Renew your roaring rage and eager Ire,
Jnflame'd with fearfull thundring thuddes of fyre,
To pleague this poyson'd pykthank, pestilent•
With flying fyreflaughts, burning bright and shyre,
Devoir yon deuilish dragon, I desire,
And waste his wearied venom violent,
Conjure this beastly begger impotent,
Suppresse all power of this euill spirit
That bydes and ba•kes in him als black as Jeit.
But reekie Rookes and Ravens or ye ryue him
Desist, delay his death whill I descriue him,
Syne rypely to his rauing rude reply,
To dreadfull dolour dearfly or ye dryve him
Throw Pluteos power, pleasure to depryue him,
The Lowne may lick his vomit, and deny
His shameles sawes, like Sathans slavish smy
Whose maners with his mismade members heir.
Doe correspond, as plainly doth appeir.
His peiled pallat and vnpleasant pow,
Thy fulsome flockes of flies dois ouerflow,
With wames and wounds all blaikened ful of blaines
Out ouer the necke athort his nitty now
Jlke louse lyes linkand like a large lint bow
That hurts his harnes and pearse them to his paines,
Whill wit and vertue vanish'd fra the vaines
With scars and scores athort his frozen front
In rankels runne within the stewes all burnt.
His lugs baith lang and leane wha cannot lacke
That to the Tron hath tane so many a tacke,
With blasted bowels, bowden with bruised blude
And hapning haires blowne withersuns aback,
Foot foundred beasts, for fault of food, full weake
Hes not their hair so snod as other good,
The bleared Bucke and boysterous to conclude
Hes right trim teeth somewhat set in a thraw
Ane topped turde right teughly for to taw.
With laidly lips and lyning side turn'd out,
His nose weill lit in Bacchus blood about,
His stinking end, corrupted as men knawes,
Contagious cankers carues his snafling snout,
His shaven shoulders shawes the markes no dout
Of teugh tarle thers ty•es and other tawes
And girds of Galeyes growand now in gawes.
Swa all his fowsome forme thereto effeirs
The quhilk for filth I will not fyle your eirs.
The second part of Polwarts third flytting.
BVt of his conditions to carpe for a while
And compt you his qualities, compast with cair,
Page [unnumbered]Appardon me Poets to alter my style
And wissle my verse for fyling the air,
Returning directly againe to Argyle
Where last that J left him, baith barefoot & bair,
Where rightly I reckoned his race verie vyle,
Descending of Deuils as I declair,
But quhilk of the gods will guide me aright,
Abhorring so abhominable,
Sa doolfull and detestable,
Sa knauish, canker'd, execrable
And wearied a wight.
In Argyle amang Gaits he gead within glenns,
Aye there vsing offices of a bruit beast,
Whill blislesse was banish'de for handling of hennes,
Syne forward to Flanders fast fled or he ceast,
From poore anes the pultrie he plucked be the pennes,
Delighting in thift, the heart of his breast,
And courage inclin'de to knauery •men kens,
To pestilent purposes plainly hee preast,
But truely to tell all the trueth vnto you
In no wayes was he wise,
Hee vsed both Cairts and Dyce,
And fled no kinde of vice,
Or few as I trow.
He was ane false Shismaticke notoriously named,
Both whoredome and homicide vnsell he vsed,
With all the seuen sinnes the smached was shamed,
Pride, ire, and envy, this vndoght abused,
For greedy couetousnesse bitterly blamed
For bawderie and bordeling lucklesse hee loued,
Thrist, drynes, and drunkennes, the dyvour defamed,
False, fenzeit, with flyting and flattery infused,
Maist sinfull and sensuall, shame to rehearse,
Whose fecklesse foolishnesse
Page [unnumbered]And beastly brukilnesse
Can no man as I gesse
Weill put into verse.
A warloch a warwolfe a wowbet but hair,
A deill, and a Dragon, a deid Dro•adarie,
A conterfoot custroun, that clarks do is not care
A clauering cohooby that craks of the Phary,
Whose fauourles Phisnome doth duely declair
His vices, aud viciousnes, although J would varie,
Arcandam's Astrology, a lanterne of lair,
Affirmes his bleardnesse to wisdome contrary,
Betaikening baith babling and baldnesse of age.
Great fraud and foull deceit,
Cappit, with quiet conceit,
Witnes some verse he wreit
Halfe daft in a rage.
His Anagrame also, concerning that case,
Sayes surely it's a signe of a leacherous Lowne,
His palenes next partly, with brown•in the face,
Arcandam ascriues to babling aye bowne,
And tratling intemperate, tymeles, but place
A cowart yet cholerick, and drunke in ilk towne,
And als his asse eares they signe in short space
The franticke foole shall grow mad like Mahowne,
•ut yet sall hee liue long, whilk alas were a losse,
For sik a tryed traitour,
A babling blasphe natour
Was neuer form'd of Nature
Sa gooked a Goose.
Whose origine noble, the note of his name
Cal'd Etymologie beirs rightly record,
•is surname doth flow fra twa termes of defame,
•rom Mont and Gomora where divels be the Lord,
Page [unnumbered]His kinsmen was cleinly cast out to his shame
That is of their Clan whom Christ hath abhor'd
And beirs of the birth place their horrible name
Where Sodomite sinners with stinking were smor'd.
Now sen all is suith that's said of this smy
Vnto that capped Clark
And pretty piece of wark
That bitterly doth bark
J may this reply.
Polwarts last flytting against Montgomerie
VYle villaine vaine, and war than I haue tauld thee,
Thy withered wame is damnified and dry'd,
Beshitten bystour, baldly I forbad thee
To mell with mee, or else thou should deare buy it,
Thy speach but purpose, sporter is espyed,
That wrytes of witches, warlocks, wraiths and wratches,
But invectiues against him well defyed,
Rob St••in thou raues, forgetting whom thou matches.
Leaue boggles, brownies, Gyre-carlings, and Gaists
Dastard thou daffes that with such deuilry mels
Thy pe•l'd preambles ouer prolixly lasts,
Thy reasons •auours of reek and nothing els,
Thy sentences of s•it sa sweetly smels,
Thou sat so •eir the chimney nuike that made them,
Fast by the Ingle, amang the Oyster shels,
Dr•idand my danger durst not weill debate them.
Thy tratling, truker, w•ld gar Taides spew,
And Carle Ca•s weep vinegar with their eine,
Thou sa•d I borrowed blad's that is not trew,
Page [unnumbered]The contrary fals smatched salbe seene,
I neuer had of that making ye meine
A verse in writ, in print, or yet perqueir,
Quhilk I can proue, and cleanse me wonder cleine,
Thogh single words no writer can forbeir
To proue my speeches probable and plaine
Thou must confesse thou vsed my invention,
I reckoned first thy race, syne thou againe
In that same sort made of thy Maister mention,
Thy wit is weake with me to haue dislention,
For to my speech thou never made reply,
At libertie to lie is thy intention,
I answer ay quhilk thou can not deny.
Thy freinds are fiends, of Aipes thou fenzies mine,
With my assistance saying all thou can,
I count sik kinred better yet nor thine,
Ch•••ly of beasts that most resemble man,
G•••t gif that my invention wars thine then,
Wi•hout the whilk thou might haue barked waist
I laid the ground whereon thou best began,
To big the brig whereof thou brags maist.
Thy lack of Judgment may be als perceaued,
Thir twa cheif points of reason wants in thee,
Thou attributes to Aipes, where thou hes reaved,
The ils of horse, ane monstrous sight to see.
Na marvell thogh ill won ill waired be,
For all these ills thou staw, J am right certain,
From Semples dytements, of ane horse did die
Of Porterfielde that dwelt into Dumbartan.
Amang the ills of Aipes, that thou hes tauld,
Thogh to ane horse perteining properly,
Thou puts the spaven in the forder spauld
That vses in the hinder hogh to be,
Page [unnumbered]Fra horsemen anes thy cunning heare and see
I feare auld Allone get na mair adoe,
Allace poore man he may lye downe and die
Syne thou's succeed to weare the siluer shoe.
Farder thou flies with other fowles wings,
Ouer-cled with cleirer collours than thy awin,
But specially with some of Semples things,
Or for a plucked goose thou had bein knawin,
Or like an Cran, in mounting soon o'rethrowen,
That must take ay nyne steppes before she flye,
So in the gout thou might haue stand & blowen
As long as thou lay graueld lyke to die.
J speake not of thy vitious diuisions,
Where thou pronunces & yet propons but part
Jncumbred with sa many tryed confusions
Qahilk shawes thy ryme but rhetoricke or art,
Thy memory is short, beshrew thy hart,
Telling one thing ouer twise or thrise at anes,
And cannot from a proper place depart,
Except J were to frig thee with whin stanes.
The things J said gif that thou would deny,
Meaning to wry the verity with wyles,
L•ck where I laid, and pickle of that pye,
Thy knauery credence fra thee quite exyles,
Thy feckles folly all the aire defyles,
J finde s• many faults, ilke ane ouer vther,
First I must tell thee all thy sta•ly styles,
And syne bequeath thee to thy birken brother.
Fond flyter, shit shyter, bacon byter all defyl'd,
Blunt bleittar, paddock pricker, pudding ester, peruerse,
Hen plucker, closet mucker, house cucker, very vyld,
Tanny cheiks, J thinke thou spelks, with thy bre•k, foul er•e,
Page [unnumbered]Woodtyk, hoodpyk, ay like to liue in lacke,
Flowre the pin scabbed skin, eat it in that thou spake.
Gume gade, bald skade, foull fa'd, why flait thou foule,
Steill Yow, fill tow thou dow not defend thee,
Quha kend thy end, false fiend, phantastick mule,
Theif siny, they wald cry, fy fy to garr end thee,
Sweir sow doyl'd kow, ay fow, foull fall thy banes,
Very wyld, defyl'd, ay woodwyld ilk moneth anes.
Tary tade, thou's defate; now debate, if thou dow,
Huch padle, lick ladle, shyte sadle, do thy best,
Creishie soutter, shoe clouter, minch mouter, dar thou mow,
Ragged railer, sheep stealer, double dealer thou's be drest.
False preif, leane theif, mischeif fall thy lippes.
Blaird beard, thy reward is prepar'd for thy hippes.
Erse slaiker, gly'd glaker, roome raiker for releif,
Lunatick, frenatik, schismatik, Swingeour sob,
Tu•• defac'd, ay chas'd, almaist fyld for a theif,
Misly, kyt, and thou flyt Ile dryt in thy gob,
T•it mow, wilde sow, soone bow or I wand thee,
Hell ru•k, with thy buik leaue the nuik, I command thee,
•••d lowper, light skowper, ragged rowper, like a Raven,
Halland shaker, draight raiker, bannock baiker, all beshitten
Craig in perill, toom the barrel, quyt the quarrell or be shaven
•ude ratler, common tratler, poore pratler, out flitten,
Hell spark, scabbed Clark, and thou bark I sall belt thee,
•kad skald, ouerbald, soone fald or I melt thee.
•ousie lugs, leape jugs toome the mugs on the midding,
•anny flank, redshank, pykthank, I must pay thee,
•pew bleck, widdie neck, come and beck at my bidding,
•alse Lowne, make thee bowne, M•howne mon haue thee,
•ank ruittour, scurlie whitour, and •uitour, nane fower,
Page [unnumbered]Decrest, opprest, possest with Plutoes power.
Capped knaue, proud slaue, ye raue aye vnrocked,
Whiles slauerand, whiles taverand, whiles wauerand with wine
Greedy gouked, poor & plucked, ill instructed, ye's be knoked,
Gley•d ganrell, auld mangrell, to the hangrall, and sa pyne,
Calumniatour, blasphematour, vyle creature vntrew,
Thy cheiping, and peiping, with weeping thou salt rew.
Mad manter, vaine vaunter, ay haunter in slauery.
Pudding pricker, bang the bicker, nane quicker in knauery,
Kailly lips, kisse my hips, into grips thou's behinde
Baill brewer, poyson spewer, mony truer hes bein pin•d
Swyne keiper, land leiper, tuird steiper from the drouth,
Leane limmer, steale gimmer, J sall skimmer in thy mouth.
Fley'd foole, mad muile, die with doole on an aike,
Knaue kend, Christ send ill end on thee now,
Pudding wright, out of sight, thou's be dight like a draike,
Jock blunt, thrawin frunt, kisse the cunt of the Kow,
Purse peiler, hen steiller, Cat killer, now I quell thee.
Rubiatour, fornicatour by nature, foull befall thee.
Tyk sticker, poyson'd Viccar, pot licker, I mon pay thee,
Fear'd flyar, loud lyar, gooked gleyar on the gallows
Jock blunt, deid runt, I sall punt whil I slay thee,
Buttrie bag, fill knag, thou will rag with thy fellows
Tyr'd clatterer, skin batterer, and flatterer of freinds,
Vyld widdered, misordered, confedered with fiends.
Blind brock, louse dock, bor'd block, banish'd townes,
Alace theifes face, na grace for that grunzie,
Beld bisset, marmissed, lansprezed to the lownes,
Deid dring, dry'd sting, thou wilt hing but a sunzie•
Lick butter, throat cutter, fish gutter, fill the fetter,
Come bleitand and greitand, fast eitand thy laidly letter.