The golden age. Or The liues of Iupiter and Saturne, with the deifying of the heathen gods As it hath beene sundry times acted at the Red Bull, by the Queenes Maiesties Seruants. Written by Thomas Heyvvood.
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- Title
- The golden age. Or The liues of Iupiter and Saturne, with the deifying of the heathen gods As it hath beene sundry times acted at the Red Bull, by the Queenes Maiesties Seruants. Written by Thomas Heyvvood.
- Author
- Heywood, Thomas, d. 1641.
- Publication
- London :: Printed [by Nicholas Okes] for William Barrenger, and are to be sold at his shop neare the great north-doore of Pauls,
- 1611.
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http://name.umdl.umich.edu/A03205.0001.001
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"The golden age. Or The liues of Iupiter and Saturne, with the deifying of the heathen gods As it hath beene sundry times acted at the Red Bull, by the Queenes Maiesties Seruants. Written by Thomas Heyvvood." In the digital collection Early English Books Online. https://name.umdl.umich.edu/A03205.0001.001. University of Michigan Library Digital Collections. Accessed June 1, 2024.
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Nay, she is greater then many Queenes are: for though you may thinke she is with ancient folkes: yet I can assure you she is with childe, you may imagine, beeing now but morning shee is new risen, yet t'is thought that ere noone she will bee brought a bed. I neuer heard she was commited to prison: yet t'is look't euery houre when she shall be deliuered, and there∣fore Nurse I was sent to you in all haste.
Yes: and yet tis thought shee will notwithstanding hold out, because she is groning.
Because you know the prouerbe: A grunting horse, and a groning wife neuer deceiue their Maister: say, will you make haste Nurse?
The best newes abrode is, that the Queene is likely to keepe at home: and is it not strange, that halfe an houres be∣ing abroad should make a woman haue a moneths minde to keepe in. But the worst newes is, that if the King haue a young Prince, hee is tide to kill it by oath: but if his maiesty went drunke to bed, and got a gyrle, she hath leaue to liue till she dye, and dye when she can liue no longer.
I can tell you more newes: the king hath sent to the Oracle to know whether my Lady be with childe of a boy or a gyrle, and what their fortunes shall be: the Lord that went, is look't for euery day to returne with his answere: it is so Gos∣sipt in the Queenes chamber, I can tell you. O Nurse wee haue the brauest king, if thou knewest all.
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Let his vertues speake for himselfe: he hath taught his people to sow, to plow, to reape corne, and to skorne Ake∣horns with their heeles, to bake and to brue: we that were wont to drinke nothing but water, haue the brauest liquor at Court as passeth. Besides, he hath deuised a strange engine, called a Bow and Arrow, that a man may hold in hand, and kill a wilde beast a great way off, and neuer come in danger of his clutches. I'le tell you a strange thing Nurse, last time the King went a hunting, he kild a beare, brought him home to be bak't and ea∣ten: A Gentlewoman of the Court, that sed hungerly vpon this pye, had such a rumbling and roaring in her guts, that her In∣trails were all in a mutiny, and could not be appeased. No phi∣sicke, would helpe her, what did the King but caused an ex∣cellent Mastiffe to be knock't in the head, and drest, gaue it to the gentlewoman, of which when she had well eaten, the flesh of the Mastiffe worried the beare in her belly, and euer since her guts haue left wambling. But come, come, I was sent in hast, the Queene must needs speake with you.
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Actus secundi, Scoena prima.
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There I strid too wide. That step was too large for one that professeth the straight order: what a pittifull coyle
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shall I haue to counterfeit this woman, to lispe (forsooth) to simper and set my face like a sweet Gentlewomans made out of ginger-bread? shall I venter or no? My face I feare not: for my beard being in the nonage durst neuer yet looke a Barber in the face. And for my complexion, I haue knowne as browne Lasses as my selfe haue gone for currant. And for my stature, I am not yet of that Giant size, but I may passe for a bona Roba, a Ronnceual a Virago, or a good manly Lasse. If they should put me to spinne, or to sow, or any such Gentlewomanlike exercise, how should I excuse my bringing vp? Tush, the hazzard is nothing, compa∣red with the value of the gaine. Could I manadge this businesse with Art, I should come to a hundred pretty sights in a yeare, as in the Sommer when we come to flea our smocks, &c. I hope Diana doth not vse to search her maides before she entertaines them. But howsoeuer
Be my losse certaine, and my profit none,
Tis for Calisto's loue, and I will on.
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Welcome Lady. Her largenesse pleaseth mee, if shee haue courage proportion'd with her limbs, shee shall be Cham∣pion to all our wronged Ladies. You Atlanta, present her oath,
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Act. 3. Scoene 1.
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Ey Iupiter, that's he that I would speake with. Here's another letter to you, but ere you reade it, pray let me aske you one question.
Because I would know whether you know your own
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father, but if you do not, hoping you are in good health, as your father scarce was, at the making hereof, These are to certify you.
For mine owne part, though I know not what be∣longs to the getting of cbildren, yet I know how to father a child, & because I would be loath to haue this Parish troubled with you, I bring you newes where you were borne. I was the man that laid you at this mans dore, & if you will not go home quietly, you shall be sent from Constable to Constable, till you come to the place where you were begot. Reade further & tell me more.
I was the man that tooke paines with you, 'twas I that brought you in the hand-basket.
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I haue no mind to this buffeting: Il'e walke after faire and softly, in hope that all the buffeting may be done before I come. Whether had I better go home by land, or by sea? If I go by land, and mis-carry, then I go the way of all flesh. If I go by sea and mis-carry, then I go the way of all fish: I am not yet resolu'd. But howsoeuer, I haue done my message so cleanly, that they cannot say, the messenger is be-reau'd of any thing that belongs to his message.
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Actus. 4. Scoena. 1.
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Heer's a coyle to keep fire and tow a sunder. I won∣der the King should shut his daughter vp so close: for any thing I see, she hath no minde to a man.
Content your selfe, you speake according to your age and appetite. We that are full fed may praise fast. We that in our heate of youth haue drunke our bellyfuls, may deride those that in the heate of their blouds are athirst. I measure her by what I was, not by what I am. Appetite to loue neuer failes an old woman, till cracking of nuts leaues her. When Danae hath no more teeth in her head then you and I, Il'e trust a man in her company, and scarce then: for if we examine our selues, wee haue euen at these yeares, qualmes, and rhumes, and deuises comes ouer our stomakes, when we but look on a proper man.
That's no question, I know it by my selfe, and whil'st I stand centinell, I'le watch her for that I warrant her.
And haue we not reason, considering the penalty?
If any stand centinel in her quarters, we shall keep quar∣ter here no longer. If the Princesse miscarry we shall make gun∣powder, and they say an old woman is better for that then Salt∣peter.
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Heauen be as chary of your Highnesse life, As we of Dana's honour. Now if shee bee a right woman, shee will haue a minde onely to loose that, which her father hath such care to keepe. There is a thing that commonly stickes vnder a womans stomacke.
What do we talking of things? there must be no med∣ling with things in this place, come let vs set our watch, and take our lodgings before the Princesse chamber,
Sirrah, now I haue sworne you to secrecy attend your (charge
Charge me to the mouth, and till you giue fire I'l not of.
Thou know'st I haue stuft my packe with rich iewels, to purchase one iewell worth all these.
If your pretious stones were set in that Iewell it would be braue wearing.
If we get entrance, sooth me vp in all things: & if I haue recourse to the Princesse, if at any time thou seest me whisper to her, find some tricke or other to blinde the Beldams eyes.
Shee that hath the best eyes of them all, I haue a trick to make her nose stand in her light.
No more K. Iupiter but goodman Pedler, remember that
I haue my memorandums about mee. As I can beare a packe, so I can beare a braine, & now I talke of a packe, though I know not of the death of any of your freinds, I am sorry for your heauinesse.
Nay do you take the rope in your hand for lucke sake. The morall is, because you shall ring all-in.
I care not if I take thy counsell.
To the gate, to the gate, and know who 'tis ere you open.
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I learn't that in my youth, still to know who knockt before I would open.
Saue you gentle Matrons: may a man be so bold as aske what he may call this rich and stately Tower?
It may be cal'd the tower of Barren for ought I see, for heere is none but are past children.
Now gold proue thy true vertue. Thou canst all things and therefore this.
Comes he wlth presents, and shall he vnpacke at the gate? nay come into the Porters lodge good Pedlers.
That Lady hath some manners, shee hath bene well brought vp I warrant her.
And I can tell thee pedler, thou hast that curtesy that neuer any man yet found but the King Acrisius.
Shut the gate for feare the King come, and if he ring clap the Pedlers into some of you old rotten corners. And hath K. Iupiter bene at all this cost? hee's a courteous Prince, & boun∣tifull. Keepe you the pedler cōpany, my Lady shall see mine too.
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Meane you the Princesse Danae? I haue tokens from Iupiter to her too.
Runne, runne, you that haue the best legges, and tell my Lady. But haue you any more of the same?
Haue we quoth he? We haue things about vs, wee haue not shewed yet, and that euery one must not see, would make those few teeth in your head to water, I would haue you thinke, I haue ware too as well as my Mayster.
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Sirrah shew all your wares, and let those Ladies best please themselues.
Not all at these yeares. I spy his knauery. Now would he haue mee keepe them busied, whilst he courts the Lady.
Doth my Lady want nothing?
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As for example, heer's a silner bodkin, this is to re∣moue dandriffe, and digge about the roots of your siluer-hair'd furre. This is a tooth-picker, but you hauing no teeth, heere is for you a corrall to rub your gums. This is cald a Maske.
Gramarcy for this, this is good to hide my wrinckles, I neuer see of these afore.
Then you haue one wrinckle more behinde. You that are dim ey'd put this pittifull spectacle vpon your nose.
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My Lady calls. Wee haue trifled the night till bed∣time. Some attend the Princesse: others see the Pedlers pack't out of the gate.
Will you thrust vs out to seeke our lodging at Mid∣night. We haue paid for our lodging, a man would thinke, we might haue laine cheaper in any Inne in Arges?
Consider all things, we haue no reason to deny that.
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What need we feare? alas they are but Pedlars, and the greatest Prince that breathes would be aduis'd ere he durst presume to court the princesse Danae.
He court a princesse? hee lookes not with the face. Well pedlers, for this night take a nap upon some bench or o∣ther, and in the morning be ready to take thy yard in thy hand to measure me some stuffe, and so to be gone before day. Well, good-night, we must attend our princesse.
Not all things, by your leaue. All the gold in Creete cannot get one of you old Crones with childe. But shall we go sleepe?
Hey-ho, Sleepe may enter in at my mouth, if he be no bigger then a two-peny-loafe.
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I would I were out of this tower of Brasse, & from all these brazen fac't Beldams: if we should fall asleepe, and the King come and take vs napping, where were we? My Lord staies long, & the night growes short, the thing you wot of hath cost him a simple sort of Iewels. But if after all this cost, the thing you wot of would not do: If the pedler should shew himselfe
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a pidler, he hath brought his hog's to a faire market. Fye vpon it, what a snorting forward and backeward these Beldams keep? But let them sleepe on, some in the house I am sure are awake, and stirring too, or I misse my aime. Well, here must I sit and waite the good howre, till the gate be open, and suffer my eyes to do that, which I am sure my cloake neuer will, that is, to take nap.
Where be these Pedlers? nay quickly, for heauen sake: the gate is open, nay when? fare-well my honest friends,
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and do our humble duties to the great King Iupiter.