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The love that ought to be be∣twixt man and wife. Why women speake more and lowder than men. Of a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 married wife. Divers other Histories of pleasant passages in the country.
A Question being asked, why our first and great Grandmother Evah, was rather in her formacio•• taken out of the side of A∣dam, than any other part of his bodie? It was thus lear∣nedly answered: Because the side is the middle of the bo∣dy, to signifie that the wo∣man is of equall dignitie
with the man; and therefore shee was taken not from the head, nor the foot; for she must not be superiour or in∣feriour unto him. It is pro∣bable also that shee was taken out of the left side: for the heart of man in∣clineth that way, rather than to the other; to denote unto us, that man and wo∣man should imbrace each other with an hearty and in∣tire love: and as the left side is the weakest, so the wo∣man made from thence, is the weaker ve••••ell. Also all male children are conceived in the right side, and the fe∣males in the left: and as the
sides are defended by the armes, so ought a woman to be by her husband.
Another demanding a question, why women were more apt to talke, and for the most part, make a greater & lowder noise than men? Answer was returned, that for that there was ve∣ry great reason to be given: for saith he, wee know that Adam the first man was created from the dust of the earth, which is of its own na∣ture, soft, pliant & tractable, and in the handling yeeldeth no noise or sound at all: but the woman was made of a ribbe (a bone taken out of
Adams side) which is of a much harder temper. Now for example, take a bushell bagge or a quarter sacke, and fill it with dust, or with flesh, and tumble it or tosse it which way you please, no eccho ariseth from thence at all; but empty them, and fill them with bones, and so shake and bowlt them to∣gether, and you sh••ll then heare what a ratling they will keepe.
Of a more gentle disposi∣tion than those before re∣membred, was she of whom I now am to speake, who in¦stead of a Curtaine Lecture, read by her to her husband,
had a strange one read to her; the manner whereof followeth. Not farre from Reevilling, a Towne under the Imperiall jurisdiction, a very faire country wench, but very simple withall, who was newly married to one of the young rusticks there by, some quarter of a yeere after shee had beene married, came to a Friar to be confest, who casting an a∣dulterous eye upon her, and finding her by her simple an∣swer to bee none of the wi∣sest: the businesse which she came for, being quickly run over, he presently fell up∣on another matter, and told
her that she was run into a great arrerage with him, for not paying him Tithes. The woman innocently de∣manded of him what Tithes were due to him? Marry saith hee, for every nine nights which thou liest with thy husband, the tenth is due to me. Truely Sir, re∣plied she, I pray you to ex∣cuse mine ignorance, and heaven forefend but what∣soever should bee due unto you from mee, should bee fully satisfied. At which hee retired her into a sequestred place, and there abused her honest simplicitie. After which returning backe to
her house, shee began mo∣destly to chide her hus∣band, who would not tell her of those duties and tithes due to the Friar her Confessour, and so told him all the whole circumstances before related. The man said little, knowing the weaknesse of his Wife, and loath to have his owne shame to be made publike, yet vowing revenge in heart; and fearing that be∣ing a Churchman, upon his complaint the Friar might find some favour with the great ones, he bethought himself of a safer course, and resolved withall to bee his
owne justicer: for, dissem∣bling the matter, and taking no notice at all of any such thing as passed be∣twixt the Friar and his Wife, he made meanes to infinuate into his more fa∣miliar acquaintance; to which the Friar most wil∣lingly assented, because un∣der that colour hee might have the freer and lesse su∣spitious consocietie with his Wife. Upon this new ac∣quaintance, the rusticke in∣vited him to dinner, and de∣fired him to come alone; which was a motion that he willingly imbraced. The day was appointed, and
good cheare provided: now the good man commanded his Wife to reserve all the water shee made for two dayes together, and keepe it in a vessell by it selfe; which was accordingly done: hee invites two or three of his neighbours, whom hee durst best trust. The Friar keepeth his ap∣pointment, the dinner is ser∣ved in, and he set betwixt a couple of them so close that there was no rising from the table without leave: the first trenchers were not changed, but the good man takes a deepe bowle, and drinketh it off to the Friars
welcome (of wine good and wholsome:) the Friar vowes to pledge him supernacu∣lum, and still casting a lee∣ring eye upon the woman, which the Host very well observed; he whispereth to have the Friars bowle brim∣med with his Wives urine: which he taking and tasting, spit it out and said, Now fie, what tart and unpleasant wine is this? if I should drinke it, it would poyson me. The good man replied, Doth not then this wine tast you well? He replied, No by no meanes: No, saith the Host? Ile assure you it was drawne out of the same vessell
from which you received your Tithes; and either drinke it off at one carowse, or bee assured that it is the l••st you shall ever swallow. By which the Friar finding his former villany discovered, tooke it off at a draught, concluding with a sowre sawce his former sweet bar∣gaine: and being dismissed thence without any other violence, vowed to himselfe, never to come under that mans roofe after.
I have read of a fellow who travelled a great part of the world over with a paire of boots, which hee had vowed to part with
to no man, but such a one as had an absolute power and Empire over his wife: he had past through many Countries, and offered them to all that he met, but no man was either willing, or else durst not accept them upon these conditions: at length meeting with a stout fellow, a Black-smith, he asked him if he would re∣ceive them upon the cove∣nant aforesaid? who an∣swered that he would, and weare them in despight of all the women in Europe: (now the Smith had put on a cleane shirt that morning) Upon this answer the Tra∣veller
replied, Then Friend, here take them to thee, put them into thy bosome, and beare them home. The Smith replied, Not so, I know a tricke worth two of that: if I should put them into my bosome, and durty my cleane shirt, my wife would not be well pleased with that, for we should have no quietnesse in the house for all this day. Which the other hearing, snatched them away from him, and said, Get thee hence in an evill houre, who goest about to cheat me, being, as all others, afraid of thy wives scolding; and
so left him: nor have I heard whether he hath yet delive∣red them unto any even to this day.
A Countrey fellow ha∣ving married a substantiall Farmers daughter, found her within a twelve-moneth to prove not only an arch∣scold, still thundering in his eares, but very lascivious and unchaste, of which he had manifest and infallible proofes; and therefore hee tooke occasion to complain to his father-in-law both of the morosity and inchastity of his daughter. To whom the good man gave this comfort; Son, I advise you
to have patience, and be con∣tent for a time: she is her mo∣thers daughter right, for just such an one was she in her youth, for I could neither governe her tongue, nor— but now she is growne old, there is not a more quiet and chaste Matron amongst all her neighbours: there∣fore arme your selfe with patience as I did, and I make no question but when the daughter shall arrive unto her mothers age, your wife will prove as tractable and quiet as mine is now; and with this cold comfort dis∣mist him:
Another Rusticke being
married to a very handsome peece, grew jealours of a young fellow a Farmers son, his neighbour (and he had divers times upbrai∣ded her with him:) at length being angry, she bid him not to feare any such matter betwixt them, and prote∣sted, she had rather prosti∣tute her selfe to ten Gentle∣men, than to one such clown as himselfe, or him whom he had so often cast in her teeth.
Another Countrey wo∣man, following her husband to his grave, not onely wept and wrung her hands, but tore her haire from her
head, uttering such lowd cries and ejulations, that she was much pitied, in regard they feared that the very sorrow for his death would distract her of her senses. Divers came about her to comfort her, and they had much adoe to keepe her from leaping into his grave. The like she did comming backe. At length one that was a widower, and well knowne unto her, stept to∣wards her to lead her home by the arme, and spake di∣vers comfortable words un∣to her. To whom she an∣swered, No, she was undone for ever, for she was left a
lone woman, and a widow, and had none to manage her affaires, or to guide her fa∣mily. Who replied, Let not that be your care, I am, you know, a widower, and if it please you to accept of me, my suit is, that I may be your second husband. To whom she still weeping and howling made answer, I thanke you neighbour for your good will and friend∣ly offer, but indeed you speake too late, for I have already past my faith and promise to another.
One related unto me of one who pretended great purity and modesty, who
could not endure any u••ci∣vill speech or obscene talke, and one indeed whom all the young men desired their wives to pattern themselve•• by; she being brought to bed of a boy, which was her first child, as soone as the child was borne, all the wo∣men came about it, and eve∣ry one gave their censure of him, and concluded, it was •• sweet babe, and like the fa∣ther: which shee hearing, rowsing her selfe as well as she was able, said, Why I pray you neighbours, hath it a shaven crowne? which put them in mind of a young Friar who had often before
frequented the house.
A Rusticke having the day before beaten his wife for reading a Lecture unto him somewhat too lowd, sent her the next day with a Sow to the market to sell. Her way lying through a parke or thicke wood, and she driving the Swine be∣fore her with a cord tied to the hinder leg, a young Clowne of her former ac∣quaintance, and who had long beene a suitor to her to corrupt her chastity (but ne∣ver prevailing) overtooke her just as she was entring into the thicket; and having first given her the good
morrow, began earnestly to importune her about his former fuit, alledging, a∣mongst other things, the op∣portunity of time and place but she still obstinately de∣nied him, and in such rigo∣rous words, that seeing her resolution, he forbare to speake of it any further, and began to talke of other things. But when she per∣ceived they were almost out of the forrest, and that they were ready to come in∣to the open fields, and re∣membring how churlishly her husband had dealt with her the day before, she be∣gan thus to break with him,
and say, You spake unto me even now of a businesse I know not what, and urged me to a thing which I may be sorry for I know not when; but if I should now be so mad or foolish to yeeld to your request, I pray you in the meane time where can you find a tree in all this 〈◊〉〈◊〉 to which to tie the Sow? Which being appre∣hended by the other, she found occasion to revenge her selfe upon her husband. And this is growne to be a common Proverb in other Countries, But if I should be so foolish as to yeeld un∣to you, where in the meane
time can you find a fit tree to which to tie the Sow? From the Countrey I come now to the City.