Galateo espagnol, or, The Spanish gallant instructing thee in that which thou must doe, and take heed of in thyusuall cariage, to be well esteemed, and loved of the people. Written in Spanish by Lucas Gracian de Antisco servant to his Majesty. And done into English by W.S. of the Inner Temple Esquire. Full of variety, and delight, and very necessary to be perused, not only of the generous youth of this kingdom, but also of all such as are exercised in their gentile education.

CHAPTER 11. Of Amplifications. (Book 11)

1. NOe lesse then affectations are wont to bee ill taken, are Amplifications ill accepted of and hard to gaine credit, and in our com∣mon discourse, ought to be omitted,

and left to Poets, & makers of Fables. There are some, that doe so ampli∣fy, and enlarge themselves, in their words and dealings, that they are accompted happy who are in favour with them, for they will extoll them to the Clouds, as in like manner, those that are out of favour with them, shall be extremely vilifyed by their tongues. And so, they runne al∣together in extremes, with great hazard of their owne credits, as you may perceive, when I have told you, what I my selfe have heard from one of them, at a certaine meeting: where dilating upon the beauty of a Lady there, hee sayd that shee was so wonderfull faire, that not to dis∣parage the other beauties of the Na∣tion, they were not worthy of her presence, or company, nor to live in the same streete, shee dwelt in; And that her confessor, had charged her, to goe to masse either very early in the morning, or else close vailed, that shee might not discompose the people, with her presence. And a Painter that was to draw her Picture, did confesse, and report, that her beauty was so admirable, that hee

was in despaire ever to be able to re∣present any likenesse or shadow of it. Such as these doe transport the people with their enlargements, but they usually receive this pay for their paines, that be the thing as faire as it will that they magnify, it seemes not so (when it is seene) as they have set it forth to be, and they are accom∣pted for busy men, and of little worth.

That wee ought as little to speake ill of any, nor ought our jesting, and jeeres to bee biting.

2. We must as little (in our con∣versation) speake ill of any, nor of his family, (Though we thinke that those that heare us, are pleased there∣with, and are willing to harken to us.) which vice usually happens, by meanes of the envy which (for the most part,) we beare, to one ano∣thers wealth, and honour, but at last let every one beware of the kicking Horse. And therefore understanding persons doe flye from ill tongues, con∣sidering, that they that will tell us such things, of others, will tell o∣thers

as much of us: and as it is sayd, flye from him, that reporteth such novelties, for he is the man that in∣vented them; and those that oppose contradict, and withstand all man∣ner of discourse they meete with, give a testimony that they doe not well understand the nature of men, and that every one loves to conquer, and hates to be overcome, no lesse in words then in workes: how much more for one man (voluntarily) to oppose and contradict another, is it accompted a worke of envy, and not of friendship? Therefore he that de∣sires to be pleasing in his cariage, and converse: ought not to be so armed alwayes in his discourse as to say, this you sayd was not so: but as I tell it you: nor ought wee to lay wagers of it, but in triviall things, we ought to bend our selves, to incline to other mens opinions, for the victory in such things proves but our losse: for it is very true, that by gay∣ning the Conquest, in a frivolous question, and a matter of noe value, we oftentimes displease a deere friend.

Of domineerers and confident people.

And these Domineerers are

so offensive to all people, that they dare not converse with them: for feare of falling every houre into wranglings, without profit, even to be at daggers drawing; But if (at any time) it fall out, that any bee drawn on to dispute, hee must doe it in a mild fashion, and must not lash out with delight to overcome: or seeke to order all the matter, and to have all the honour, attributed to him∣selfe: but hee must leave every body his share: and in contending whe∣ther it bee reason, or not, that every one alledgeth, he must leave it to the judgment of the most, and if there shall bee any excessively confident: let him leave the matter to them, quit∣ting the plaine field, for them to con∣tend, to sweate and toyle themselves. For these are manners hatefull to men that are modest and of good behaviour. Besides this, wee cannot get the victory without hatred, and envy; And because for the most part all people by nature, seeke to attribute glory to themselves, and doe under∣value and dispraise other mens opini∣ons, that they may every one shew himselfe wise, valiant and of much

understāding, therfore it falls out that many doe advise, reprehend, dispute, and defend themselves, with Rapier, and Poniard, as they say, against all men, and will incline themselves to no mans opinion, but stand to their owne: and are so blind, and obstinate in their owne way, that no reason is forcible enough, to alter them from it: and though these doe not finde fault with the opinion of their friends, yet will they not leave their owne errors.

Fortune-tellers.

3. There are others, that if you fall into discourse with them, at that time when you come into their com∣pany to refresh your selfe, from your labours, can never get out from some lamentable discourse, and misfor∣tunes, and ill presages, that threaten the people, for the time to come: and when they heare of any victory, or good successe, they spoile all, with the love they beare to ill omens, and their owne only opinions, which doe with meere phansy, and vaine glory, make themselves melancholy. Sup∣posing

by this their unsavory humor, the more to give credit, to their foo∣lish condition; and some, to whom, and their yeares rest, and quiet is due, yet doe nothing but talke la∣mentably, never altering their dis∣course, saying that in their dayes, the men were more valiant, and not as they are now, that there is not a man left worth a Button, and the like.

4. It is also blame worthy, and that with great reason, for any, that is in company with others, to whis∣per; so that all cannot heare what he sayth, but especially for two, or three, to separate themselves, from the rest, and to stand laughing, and looking upon the rest, or to desire to be covered, or muffled when the rest are not, for this is after a sort a betraying of him of whom we speake, and in all reason they must offend many, that use it: especially any one that is suspicious or jealous.

There are others, of such a con∣dition, that if they bee not talking, they stand in such a study, that never regarding what they doe, they have their eyes fixed upon another, laugh∣ing

at their owne phansyes, and never thinking of him they looke upon, and thence must necessarily arise sus∣pition, as an Author saith.

If any looke me in the face, Yet mindes some other thing▪ He seemes in giving that the place, Me with contempt to sting.

5. They must then be admonished that are in publique, and in company, that they be not so carelesse, that they stand with fixed eyes, on any side, and be wholly taken up with their owne thoughts.

6. Nor is it fit, that when wee are in such company, wee should draw out a booke, or to settle our selves to reade to our selves to passe away the time, though we take as much plea∣sure in reading, as one Collegiall Trilingue of Alcala did, That did ve∣rify he tooke so much pleasure in rea∣ding of Martiall, that being desired to goe to Gadalajaca (foure leagues off) he put on his Gowne he used to weare in his House, and bid them saddle Martiall for him, and with that he went, reading step by step, ne∣ver

thinking on the wearisomnesse of the way.

Of those that are alwayes giving coun∣sell.

7. Thou mayst not offer thy advise to him, that requires it not, for that ••s nothing else, but to shew thy selfe wiser then him to whom thou givest thy advise, and to cast his little un∣derstanding in his teeth; and to ac∣compt him for an ignorant man, therefore no acquaintance may en∣boulden thee to doe this to another, except they be also our very intimate friends, or bee such, that wee have the tuition of or that we doe see them in any apparant danger, whom wee thus counsell or give advise unto. But in our ordinary dealing, a man ought to abstaine from counselling much. Into which error many doe fall, but more often, those that know little themselves, for to men of grosse understandings, few things come in∣to their heades, that others have neede of. And (certainely) there are some, that so much esteeme of their owne knowledge, that if others

doe not follow their opinion, they are offended, and complaine of those that refuse it, as if they should say. It is well, a poore mans advise can∣not be admitted, such an one, will doe as hee listeth, and will not heare me: and other things of this nature, and to this tune. As if pretending another ought to obey thy coun∣sell, were not a greater arrogancy, then for thee to follow thine owne minde.

8. A like fault are they guilty of, that finde fault with other mens im∣perfections, giving a definitive sen∣tence, touching every thing; and prescribing Rules, and Lawes, to e∣very one, whosoever hee bee. This ought not to bee, as for example, to speake thus, You spake so, but it was not well spoken, take heede of sleep∣ing at such an houre: the Wine you drunke is not good for you, you should drinke Claret, you should use such a kinde of bath, and not such as you doe: and thus are they al∣wayes reproving, and are like those that are alwayes weeding another mans Garden, and never consider, that their owne is overgrowne with

Nettles, and Brambles: and therefore we should leave this worke, to Fathers and Masters.

Of contemning others.

9. Wee ought not to despise any body, nor to set light by him, though he be our enemy, for it is a greater signe of disgrace, to deride one, then to doe him a shrewd turne, for of him that we doe an injury to, wee make some reckoning: but him that we despise we make far lesse esteeme of, yea often none at all, therefore to scorne, or deride, is a pleasure we take to shame another, without any profit at all to our selves. And therefore in our common converse, and dealings with men, those that would bee curious, ought to forbeare, to flout any body: and therefore they doe ill, that are ever sifting out, and retorting other mens defects upon them, (although they have such faults) for this is not a good way, to rid them of them, and understanding and well fashio∣ned persons, doe avoyd such a re∣procher as they would the Divell: but there are some, that when they

cannot give ill language will grumble, and inveigh aganist the defects of o∣thers, by often smiling, and other exteriour acts: and sometimes, they make jests, and solace themselves and make sport with the imperfections and miseries of others, whereas they should rather mourne, and grieve for them. It may well be, (as a certaine Courtier was wont to say) that the sharpenesse of the tongue, may relish well, and please the appetite much, in mēs acceptance therof, yet this tartnes must not be done to endanger or much disturbe the sweete love, and friend∣ship, which is mainteyned without any hazard on either side: So then the jeere which any receaves from thee must be light, that hee who receaves it may without shame be excused. And although these jeeres and quips of wit bee but a laughing, and jesting at the faults, and oversights of him that receives them, yet for all this, they are esteemed, and liked in him that knows how to speake them, well, because we know his intention to bee very farre from wronging of any therby. And therefore without doubt, those that can talke merrily, yet in

a friendly manner, and without pre∣judice: are better liked then those that know not how to doe it, and are received with open Armes, and esteemed, and regarded of all men. As on the contrary they are ill thought of, that seeke to follow this vaine without all discretion, not obser∣ving any Rules or good manners therein, and therefore, hee that will doe this, must bee a very able man, for he must take many things into his consideration. But in effect (as I have sayd) this jeering is but to make sport with the defects, and errors of those that we ought to love and respect.

Of those that take offence at words.

10. On the other side, jests can hardly be distinguished, from wrongs, especially by some persons, who are so captious, that they take all jests, and quips, for affronts, and are so unsavory, and so voyd of understand∣ing, that insteed of being pleased, or delighted therewith, they grow into choller, so that none can jest or meddle with them: And there are some, that

suppose you should beare with their necessities and troublesomenesse, and if you say any thing to them, how slight so ever it bee: they are of such a disposition, that they are presently off of the hookes, and are so offen∣sively disquiet, that although they are (sometimes) quickly appeased, yet during that small time, that their foolish anger doth last, they may in∣fect others, with such an humour, that may bee their destruction. But what will it bee, if they bee head∣strong, and that their displeasure doe not depart, but that they sleepe with it, and they dissemble their inten∣tions, and wounded minde, with cheerfull countenances: wee can say no more of these, but this, that (if wee fall into merriment,) wee must sow a Hose about their Legges, as we use to doe to Chickens, that wee may know them a farre off. To this pur∣pose Doctor Villabos, the great Phy∣sitian, as it is related in a certaine very pleasing Dialogue of his, ha∣ving put a jest upon another Physiti∣an, in the presence of the King, hee grew in choler, and to bee revenged spake thus to the King. Your Majesty

may understand, that I value my selfe more, for that I am a Phisitian, then to be accompted a merry companion, or a jester, To whom Vilabos answe∣red, Seignior Doctor makes mee to bee very simple; for hee is so great a master, that he cannot be compted a wity companion, which answer being so readily given, was well ta∣ken, and the other received the pay he deserved. And it so falls out, that hee who is jeered, but in mirth, and in a friendly manner, doth often, by inconsideratnesse, take it for an affront and a disgrace. And although it bee so, that quips and jeeres are many times well taken, yet will not I counsell a civill Gentleman, to ad∣dict himselfe much unto them. Nor ought he to occasion them often to be spoken, nor at all times, and upon all occasions. For jestes well scanned, are nothing else, but bould, and subtile deceiptes. And therefore wee should leave the perpetuall making of jests, to those that live by them. Who though they jeere never so much, can prejudice none by it, but if they doe it wittyly are to bee rewarded for it. But when a brave Gentleman

speakes any thing sharply, hee is to consider that every one is offended with him, that telleth him of his fault or error. Therefore, for many rea∣sons it seemes that hee that desires to bee well esteemed, should not make himselfe a master of jests, much lesse to esteeme himselfe for his ability, in being Satyricall, and scandalous: like those that are full of censuring, al∣though they be very witty, and plea∣sing in it, nor let them take such jollity in it as to lose a friend there∣by. But especially it is worthy blame to make a jeere of the naturall defects of any one.

That jests should not bee spoken to pre∣judice any body.

Although it hath bin seene in this case, that those who ought to have bin silent in a matter, and yet have spoken it to another, have bin an∣swered sharply, as it was in that which they tell, that an one-eyed fellow sayd to a fellow with a Hog∣back, who to call him crooke-back sayd thus; Companion, thou hast carried that burden, ever since the

morning, to whom he answered, sure∣ly that hath not bin long, for it is but very early dayes yet, for you have opened but one of your windows, so that each of them, jeered the other, with the imperfection that nature had marked them with. But satyricall speeches pierce deeper when they touch upon our descent, or honor, like that which one that was newly converted to Christianity did speake to another by a jeere, to decipher him out, which other seeing the Chri∣stian being a Cavalleere, sit very back upon his Horse, sayd to him, com∣panion, why doe you get up so back upon your Horse buttocks? to whom he answered, if I get up so back, it is because I would not gall him, with the Cruz, and so was hee revenged on him by jeering him for being a Iew. And so stopped his forward boldnesse. Touching this matter, I say: that if our acutenesse, and hability doe vent it selfe, in such prejudiciall sayings, it were better wee should never use it, for it cannot bee done with a safe conscience, but where a man may speake of things without hurt, to our neighbour, and with discretion, and

judgement. It is true, that to passe this troublesome life, wee may use some solace and pastime, and that jests and quips are wont to bee used, as instruments to move laughter, and to recreate us withall, and therefore, they are loved, that can move mirth and speake wittily, without offend∣ing any body, and there are very few that know how to doe this: there∣fore there are many things to bee considered, that we fall not into dis∣favour. And it falls out, that that, which useth to please, and gaine the favour of some, may displease, and loose the favour of others; And com∣monly where laughter hath no place, & to be pleasant pleaseth not, there to Jest or Jibe any body, is not acceptable, for there is no worse jest then truth.

11. By which you may know, that there are some words which bite, and do prejudice, and there are others that doe not. Of the first I shall not need to say much: one wise comparision, that a certaine Italian Lady, called Lawre∣ras once spake shall suffice: Jests, saith she, must bite those they are givē unto; like a Lamb, and not like a Dogge; for if they bite like a dog, they are not

jests, but villanie and wrong; and as (by the Law) he is punished that abu∣seth another in words, so ought hee to be, that by his jests, speakes bitterly and disgracefully of his neighbour: for which reason, discreete and well behaved men ought to consider, that the same Law that takes order against wrongs, doth also take order a∣gainst biting jests; and therefore, when men jest, they must pricke but light∣ly.

12. It is likewise to be understood, that a jest sometimes biteth, and some∣times not, and if it be not witty and pleasant, there is no delight taken in it by those that heare it, but proves luke∣warm, & grows cold and frozen; and if peradvēture they laugh, it is not at the jest, but at the sillinesse of the jester; and because jests are nothing but frauds, and spoken to beguile; and as it is an artificiall thing, so it cannot bee done, but by persons of a sharpe wit, (es∣pecially upon a sudden) and there∣fore it suits ill with dull men and those that have a grosse phansy, ex∣cept it be, when speaking by chance in such their simplicity, they utter words worth laughing at, which

then takes the more, because hee breakes the jest naturally and una∣wares, & not by witty and feigned art. As a certaine labourer did who be∣ing asked by certaine Citizens why hee came to them, looked stedfastly upon one of them, that had a thick black beard, and sayd, I come to sell a Pig, with reverence to the ve∣nerable beard of this Gentleman. But why quoth the Citizen doe you aske pardon of mee more then of the rest? hee replyed (simply and without malice) because your worships beard is so thick and bushy that it resembles a Hogs foote before it is scalded. The sayd Citizen could doe noe lesse then laugh with the rest, for com∣pany, though hee were somewhat angry at the Jest. Another Biscanoys that was sent for to buy a Pullet bought a Cock, supposing hee had done well, because the Cock was bigger then a Pullet: and of this sort, there are infinite Jests, that are meerly naturall, and without any malice. But all that have good wits, know not how to Jest, for it is a peculiar gift, and readinesse of wit, that all can∣not attaine unto, therefore discreete

men, understand themselves better, then to thinke to doe it at their plea∣sure, but are contented, with the ta∣lent, and disposition, they are endu∣ed withall.

Of those that make jests and know not of it.

And when such men, have once or oftener made triall of the strength of their wits in vaine: they doe finde that they have no faculty that way, and doe forbeare to busy themselves, in exercising it, for it is a certaine faculty, that few are excellent in. Some have this property, that no word can passe, but they have a jest, or wit∣ty saying, ready to passe upon it. And you must know, that another cannot relate, nor put in writing the jests that another invented, and uttered, with such grace, and delight as the authors of them can, therefore. I hope I shall heere bee excused (in part,) if those that I here set downe, for ex∣amples sake, doe not give very good content to the Reader.

Formes of Jests.

13. And amongst the severall wayes of Jests, there is one very good, and plea∣sing, namely to make sport with a word that hath divers significations. As a Cavallere, that was travelling on the way, as hee passed through a certaine Village, hee asked what place it was, and how they, called it; they answered it was called a Village, (which in the Spanish tongue, is cal∣led Casar, which signifies also to marry) the Cavallere answered, in this Jest. Quien passa por el Casar, por todo puede passar. That is, he that can passe through marriage, may passe all places.

14. A certaine ill favoured old wo∣man, saying to a Lord of quality, of this Court, that shee desired to marry, into Baldemoro, being the name of a Family in Spaine, hee answered her thus, Madam, in all Ethiopia called in Spaine Baldemoro, you cannot meet with any so ugly that will have you.

15. Also in like manner did a gentle∣man of Valodolid make a Jest upon two words that had two contrary

sences, though they had the same Let∣ters. A certaine ill favored Lady had spoken very disdainefully of him, and had reported that shee could not bee perswaded, that any women thought well of men. Hee contrived as shee came to walk on the banke of Esgueva which is a little streame, whereinto the people empty all their filth, to an∣swer her with this Sonnet.

In midst of Esgeve and the Flowers, Her pudly streams, Pisverga sent Where fresh, and new fruits grow all howers, Two Shepheards th' ayre with shrill notes rent. O Nimph whose love procures no flames, Whom one sole lover doth not woe. Being commandresse of these streames, How can you passe with one or two? Leest thou on Bridg i'th Ford, or Bote, Seated among such Flowers sweete, Powring cleare liquour downe thy throte, Must needs be thought for thee unmeete. That thou shouldst have no sutering swaines That thrives by th' peoples backward gaines.

16. To this purpose taking onely the literall meaning, one Catedratico

in Alcala, made a pleasing inter∣pretation being to act a speech which was to begine in Castilian (as the manner is) spoke the preamble in Latine as followes, Amplissime rector, gravissimi Doctores, Nobilis iuventus: which is as much as to say, most bountifull Governour, most grave Doctors, Noble youth: but as he be∣gan in Latine, they gave many stroaks with their Hands, and stampes with their Feete, in token that hee should have spoken in Castilian, he was bould to bespeake them in this manner, say∣ing, my Lords, your honours may perceive, that it sounds not so well in the Castilian tongue, as in the La∣tine, and seeing they continued to stampe the more, hee began in the li∣terall sense, in this forme; magnifi∣cent Rector, most grave doctours, Noble youth, casting his eyes upon the Women, that sate in the windows, over against the Theater, in which entrance, there was much pleasure taken, and wit, in interpreting the sound only, and so it was received for a Jest and a pleasing speech.

17. Some desire to do this, but know not how: but speake words, that are

frozen and without sence, which are taken very unsavorily. As for example, if you aske them, where such an one is, they will answer you, where his feete stands, or betweene the Skye and the ground. So that they speake in another manner, then was ex∣pected, and without any ingenuity at all, and with such frivolous answers, they loose the esteeme, of understand∣ing, and well spoken men. If happi∣ly they retaine not the credit, that a certaine poore man did (A credit of a different and more witty sence) who laying a wager with others, that hee could have credit with the bankers, (or mony lenders) for more then thirty thousand Duckets, and they as∣king him how it was possible, he being so poore, and decayed a man; Hee answered them thus. It is cleere my Lords, that if I demand of any ban∣ker, in this manner, my Lord such an one, doe you not believe that to bee rich, and to purchase two thou∣sand Duckets a yeare, and to have my House well furnished, that I have neede of thirty thousand Duckets, doe you not credit what I say? surely he will answer mee, I speake great rea∣son:

and so will the rest of the ban∣kers. Then according to this manner of credit, namely to bee believed of them, I can now say, that I have cre∣dit of thirty thousand Duckets. And in this manner hee proved his cre∣dit, taking the word in a different sence.

18. Some others there are that are so setled in this way of Jibing, & Jest∣ing, that you cannot know, when they speake in earnest, or when in Jest, and by the long continuance they have held, in speaking pleasantly, and dis∣guisedly, when they are to speake truth, they are fayne to use oathes, that they may be believed. And therefore that we be not brought to this passe, our earnest must bee more then our Jesting.

Heavy Ieeres.

And if thou make any Jests for mirth sake, let them not bee heavy, or bitter ones. As to take any thing from thy friend which may vex and trouble him, in looking for it, and may make him jealous of any thing or to walke about discontentedly. As little doe I hold it good, to strike or

scratch, or pinch men, in Jest: for from such Jestings, we have seene men fall to earnest.

20. But because it is not our pur∣pose, to dispute heere, what may bee accompted fitting or unfitting Jests, and Jeeres, nor to urge more to any purpose, then what is needfull, for the illustration of it: I omit many examples, which are extant, of witty sayings, and stories to that purpose.

How you may know a good jest.

21. It is sufficient to know that jests doe carry with them, either a certaine testimony of their pleasant∣nesse, and decency: or of their could∣nesse and unpleasantnesse. And to know if a Jest be good, or bad, he can∣not bee mistaken, that observes this that folowes: And it is this, that hee that Jests, be not too confident of him∣selfe; for it is plainly seene, that when a Jest is good, and pleasing, the com∣pany is pleased at the very uttering it, applauding it with the laughter, and jollity they make at it: And when it is not liked of those that heare it, he that makes it, is offended, and a∣voids

making any more, so that the defect being in truth his owne, and not their fault that heares it, and so not being so approved, hee is to rest convinced as by a definitive sentence, for he cannot appeale to himselfe.

Of making a witty and ready answer.

The knowing how to make a ready answer to any question, is no lesse requisite, then to know how to make a witty and pleasant Jest, or to speake acutely. And some there are, that are so ingenious, and endowed, with such a gift, that they will answer so quick, to a question, or so wittily apply a pleasant speech, to those that heare them, that you would thinke they had bin studying long to bring it forth.

23. They report of that famous Dantes, that some of his adversaries searching for him, when they could not know him by his Face, they sound him out, by his ready and a∣cute answers hee made, to all questi∣ons they asked of him: And so three of those that met with him, asked him three questions together to try if

they could distract him, one asked him, Dove venite? the second, Dove de laqua? and the third, Quanti son di Luna? which is as much as to say, whence comest thou? whence comes the Water? how old is the Moone? who answered them all three, in three words, saying, Davilla, Aloulo, in quinta: from the City, from the Pitchers, five dayes old. And so was he discovered by his quicknesse.