CHAP. XIII.

THESE solemn affairs being adjusted, and by the lapse of a few weeks we the mourners more reconciled to our loss, it began to be necessary for me to prepare for my removal to the university: for it was there only, according to the wise laws of our wise fore-fathers (and who will dare to suppose that our forefathers were foolish, or could make foolish laws?) that a regular and incontestible induction can be obtained to the holy ministry, of which I was ambitious.

It was determined I should enter of ****** college, Oxford; the same at which Hector Mowbray had been ad|mitted, and to which all the scholars from the grammar school where I was educated repaired. But there was a warm contest Page  167 whether I should enter as a commoner, or a gentleman commoner. My mother was eager for the latter, which the lawyer opposed. She could not endure that her dear Hugh should, as it were publicly, confess the superiority of his rival and sworn foe, the insolent Hector. He con|tended that to affect to rival him in ex|pence were absurd, and might lead to de|structive consequences. The lawyer had the best of the argument, yet I was in|clined to take part with my mother. In|feriority was what I was little disposed to acknowledge; I therefore consulted my friend the usher. Fortunately he had more wisdom, and alledged some very convincing moral motives, which I too much respected to disobey.

Previous to my departure, I endured much lecturing, which I considered as ex|ceedingly useless, and consequently little less than impertinent. The lawyer re|minded me of my youth, and warned me against the knavery of mankind, who he Page  168 affirmed are universally prone to prey upon one another. This, miracles out of the question, must be the creed of a lawyer. I had a better opinion of my fellow bipeds, of whom I yet knew but little, and heard him with something like contempt. My mother wearied me with intreaties to write to her at least once a week. She should never be easy out of my sight, if she did not hear from me frequently. The omission of a mail would throw her into the utmost terrors: she should conclude I was sick, or dying, nay perhaps dead, and she conjured me to respect her maternal feelings. I did re|spect them, and promised all she required. She was desirous too that I should con|tinually be with her, during the vacations. The lawyer on the contrary advised me to remain at college, and pursue my stu|dies.

It will seem very unnatural to most mothers, and highly censurable to many moralists, that the person whom I felt Page  169 the greatest regret at parting with was my instructor and friend, the usher. He was no less affectionate. He too cauti|oned me against youthful confidence, and hinted that men were not quite so good as they should be. I knew him to be a little inclined to melancholy, and that he considered himself as a neglected man, who had reason to complain of the world's injustice. But, though the belief that this was true moved my compassion, he did not convince me that men were con|stitutionally inclined to evil. My own feelings loudly spoke the contrary. I had not yet been initiated. I knew but little of those false wants by which the mind of man is perverted. The credulity of youth can only be cured by the experience of age: the prejudices of age can only be eradicated by appealing to the feelings and facts of youth. Man becomes what the mistaken institutions of society ine|vitably make him: his tendency is to promote his own well being, and the well Page  170 being of the creatures around him; these can only be promoted by virtue; consequently, when he is vicious it is from mistake, and his original sin is igno|rance.

My books, clothes, and effects were for|warded to the next market town, through which the coach that I was to travel in passed. That I might meet it in time on Monday morning, it was necessary to set out the evening before, and sleep at the inn. My mind was by no means free from popular prejudices, when they were of a moral cast, and I was not entirely sa|tisfied at beginning my journey on a Sun|day. I struggled against the nonsense of ill omens, for I had read books in which they were ridiculed; but I was not quite certain that the action was in itself right. Things however were thus arranged, and my friends were assembled to take leave of me. The lawyer's reiterated advice teased me; my mother's tears gave me pain; but the pressure of the usher's Page  171 hand and his cordial 'God be with you!' went to my heart. However, the sun shone, the month was May, the grass was green, the birds were singing, my hopes were mantling, and my cares were soon forgotten. I seemed to look back on my past existence as on a kind of imprison|ment; and my spirits fluttered, as if just set free to wander through a world of un|known delights.

Fortune was disposed to favour the de|lusive vision; for at the inn on the mor|row, being roused from a sound sleep to pursue my journey, after stepping into the coach, I found myself seated oppo|site to the handsomest sweetest young Lady I had ever beheld. I except Olivia; but her I had only known as it were a child, and I looked back on those as on childish days. The lovely creature was clothed in a sky-blue riding-habit with embroidered button-holes, and a green hat and feather, with suitable decora|tions. She had a delicate twisted cane-whip Page  172 in her hand, a nosegay in her bosom, and a purple cestus round her waist. There were beside two gentlemen in the coach, genteelly dressed; and they all ap|peared to know each other.

The young lady sopke to every body, without the least reserve or pride, which did but increase the good opinion I had conceived of her. The gentlemen likewise were easy and familiar; and, in spite of my friend the lawyer, I already plainly perceiv|ed the world was a very good humoured polite and pleasant world. The young lady was peculiarly attentive and kind to me, and, I being but a raw traveller, in|sisted that the gentleman next her should change places with me, that I might sit with my face toward the horses, lest I should be sick by riding backward. At this however my manly pride revolted, and I obstinately kept my seat, notwith|standing her very obliging intreaties. The phrase raw traveller I did not think quite so politely and happily chosen as the rest; Page  173 but then it fell from such a pair of modest lips, that it was impossible to conceive offence.

After a pleasant ride of three hours, we arrived at the breakfasting place. The coach door was opened, and I, not wait|ing for the steps, leaped out like a young grey-hound. The lady seemed half in|clined to follow me, but was timid. I placed myself properly, promised to catch her, and she sprang into my arms. Sud|denly recollecting herself, she exclaimed, —'What a wild creature I am!' and ran away, hiding her face with her hands. I blamed myself for having been too for|ward, and inwardly applauded her quick sense of propriety. The gentlemen laugh|ed, walked into the breakfasting-room, and invited me to follow them.

In about ten minutes, the young lady entered with apologies, and hoping we knew the rules of travelling too well to wait. She seemed improved in beauty. There was a kind of bloom spread over Page  174 her countenance, contrasted with a deli+cate pearl white, such as I had never seen in the finest cherry cheeks of our village maidens. 'It is the blush at the little incident of leaping from the coach, said I to myself, that has thus improved her complexion.' She sat down to the table, and, with the kindness that seemed native to her, poured out my tea, sugared and creamed it just to my taste, and handed it to me with sweetness that was quite seducing. I knew not how to return or to merit her favours, and the attempt made me mawkishly sentimental. 'It is delightful, said I, when amiable people live together in happy society.' 'It is indeed,' said she, and her bosom appear|ed gently to heave.

Our feelings seemed to vibrate in uni|son, but they were disturbed by a sud|den burst of coughing of one of the gen|tlemen, drinking his tea; and were not much harmonized by a fit of laughing with which the other was seized, who Page  175 told his companion he was a droll dog. But what the drollery could be, of a man choaked with swallowing too hastily, was more than I could comprehend. The appellation of droll dog however was re|peated, till the two gentlemen could ap|pease their titillation. I own I thought it a little rude; but they seemed neither of them so well-bred as the lady, and I concluded they could be nothing more than travelling acquaintance. I even supposed I saw them wink at each other, as if there had been something strange or improper in my behaviour.

I then thought it quite necessary to let them know who I was. Accordingly I took an opportunity of succinctly telling them whence I came, where I was going, who my relations were, and what my ex|pectations. I let them understand that I had money in my purse, and gave broad hints that I was neither fool nor coward. They were quite civil, but still their looks to each other seemed very signi|ficant, Page  176 and to have more meaning than I knew how to develope. I was a little piqued, but comforted myself with the assurance that I should show them their mistake, if they conjectured any thing to my disadvantage.

Breakfast over, we returned to the coach, and, after handing the young lady, I stepped in as lightly as I had stepped out. She again insisted I should not ride backward, and I for my former reason refused to change my place, till one of those abrupt gentlemen exclaimed.— 'What, my young buck, are you afraid of a petticoat?' 'Oh fie!' said the young lady.

Rouzed by this insulting supposition, and despising every kind of cowardice, I immediately crossed over and took my seat by her side. 'Men fellows are very rude horse-godmother kind of creatures,' said the young lady.—The colour flush|ed in my face.—'Men fellows? Horse-godmother?' It was strange! I was Page  177 more than half afraid she meant me.— 'Not all of them I hope,' said I, as soon, as I could recollect myself—'No, not all of them,' answered the young lady, with a gentle smile, and a glance that I thought had meaning.

My flow of spirits being somewhat checked by the behaviour of the gentle|men, I sat silent, and they fell into con|versation; by which I learned that one of them was a gentleman of great fortune in Wales, and the other a captain in the army, and that they were well acquainted with London, Dublin, Bath, Brighthelmstone, and all places of fashionable resort. The young lady too had not only been at each of them, but had visited Paris, and mentioned many persons of quality, with whom, as it appeared from her discourse, she was quite familiar. It was evident, from all she said, that she knew how to distinguish the well bred and the polite. She was im|mensely shocked at any thing that was un|genteel and low: it was prodigiously hor|rid. Page  178 The whole discourse indeed con|vinced me that they were all people of consequence; and that my supposition of ill breeding on the part of the gentle|men must have been hasty.

One thing however surprised me, and particularly drew my attention. I valued myself on my knowledge of languages, and the quickness of my ear; yet, though they continually spoke English, they in|troduced occasional words and phrases which to me were wholly unintelligible▪ One especially of these phrases seemed so strange that I repeated it to myself again and again. It was—The kinchin will bite the bubble—I pondered, and fifty times questioned—'Who is the kinchin? What is bite the bubble? But in vain: it was in|comprehensible!

We did not stop to dine till between four and five o'clock, and then the young lady at alighting was more cir|cumspect. She having retired, the gentlemen asked me if I would take a Page  179 turn to the river side, at the back of the inn; and I, to shew that I now under|stood their characters better, willingly complied. As I was following them, the landlord, who had attended while we were alighting, plucked me by the skirt, and looking significantly after my compa|nions whispered—'Take care of yourself, young gentleman!' then hastily brushed by. The first moment I thought it strange; the second I exclaimed to my|self—'Ah, ha! I guessed how it was: I soon found them out! But, if they have any tricks to play, they shall find I am as cunning as they. The landlord need not have cautioned me; I am not so easily caught.'

Thus fortified, I proceeded boldy; and we had not walked two hundred yards before one of them who had stepped forward, stooped and picked up a piece of paper, which he instantly began to read▪ 'S'death!' exclaimed he, as we approach|ed, 'here is a bill, at three days sight, for Page  180 fifteen guineas; drawn on Fairlamb and Company, bankers at Oxford. You are acquainted with country bills, captain,' said he, presenting it to his companion: 'do you think it a good one?' His com|panion took it, examined it, upside and down, to the light and from it, and re|plied—'As good as the bank! But we must share?' 'To be sure we must,' said the finder. 'Why should you doubt it? 'Tis a trifle; five guineas a piece; but it will serve to pay travelling ex|pences.'

They laughed, and I was staggered at this honourable and generous conduct. I have proceeded too hastily, thought I; and the landlord is own cousin to our lawyer; he thinks every man a rogue. Their liberality is proof sufficient in their favour.—'Come, give us our five guineas a piece,' said the gentleman of Wales to the captain—'I have no ready cash,' an|swered he. 'I never chuse, when I am travelling, to have more money in my Page  181 pocket than barely enough for expences.' —'That is exactly my case,' replied the Welsh gentleman. 'But perhaps our young friend may be less cautious, and may have loose cash sufficient.'—'I had twelve guineas,' said I, 'when I left home.' —'Oh, that will just do,' answered the captain. 'We turn off to-morrow morn|ing for Cirencester; you are going to Oxford, otherwise our luck would have been lost upon us, for we would not have gone a mile out of our road for such a trifle.'

My hand was in my pocket, and the guineas were between my fingers, when my heart smote me. The landlord's sig|nificant 'Take care of yourself young gentleman!' my own sagacious conjec|tures when he gave me this warning, and their strange phrase of bite the bubble, all rose to my recollection. They shall not make a tool and a jest of me, said I to myself.

Page  182The gentleman of Wales seeing me hesitate, jogged me by the elbow, and said—'Come, come; we must dispatch: dinner is on the table by this time, and the coach will not wait a minute.'— 'Those who think me a fool,' replied I, with something of indignation in my countenance, 'will find themselves de|ceived'—'What do you mean by that, Sir,' retorted the captain—'Strange lan|guage, for a gentleman!'

I stopped a moment: my conscience smote me. If I should mistake the cha|racter of these gentlemen, thought I, my behaviour will appear contemptible— 'Do you mean to insult us?' said the gentleman of Wales.—The captain once more saw my hand in my pocket: I caught his eye; he winked to his com|panion and said, 'No, no; the young gentleman knows better.'—Yes,' answer|ed I, instantly fired; 'I know better than to give my money to sharpers'—'Shar|pers!' retorted one—'Sharpers!' re|echoed Page  183 the other, and began mutually to hustle me—My valour was roused: I faced about, with the first blow laid the gentleman of Wales sprawling, and with the second made the captain's eyes strike fire. The attack was infinitely more vi|gorous and powerful than they could have expected. The Welsh gentleman shook his ears; the captain clapped his white handkerchief to his eyes. They swore a few oaths in concert, but neither of them seemed desirous to continue the combat. Such an attack from a stripling was quite out of all calculation. If how|ever I could guess their motives from their manner, they were rather those of caution than of cowardice. Be that as it will, I could better deal out hard blows than utter coarse expressions, and I left them with a look of contempt.

Entering the dinner room, I found the young lady and told her the story. She was all astonishment! Could not believe her ears! Was never so deceived in her Page  184 life! Was immensely glad that she now knew her company! She had seen them at Bath, and had imagined them to be, as they professed themselves, gentlemen: but people do not know who and who are together at such public places! She was sorry to ride in the same carriage with them; but dine with them she would not. I asked if I might be per|mitted that honour; and she readily re|plied, 'Certainly, Sir: you are a gen|tleman.'

Proud to be thus distinguished, after dinner, I insisted on paying the bill, and she still more strenuously insisted I should not. She pulled out her purse, which seemed well filled, and put down her quota, which no entreaties could pre|vail on her to take back. It was her rule.

The horses being ready, we were sum|moned to our seats, which we took in pairs: the gentleman of Wales and the cap|tain sitting in sullen silence, and the young Page  185 lady not deigning to address a word to them.

At night we again paired off, and I was admitted to be her companion at supper; she continuing to treat me, since their detection, with a marked par|tiality.

Supper being over and the lady, un|fortunately as she said for her, being to travel the Cirencester road with those odious sharpers, I was again exceedingly desirous to shew some trifling mark of respect, by discharging the bill; which she again peremptorily refused to accept. Un|luckily however, going to draw her purse as before, she could not find it!—'It was exceedingly strange!—Infinitely dis|tressing! What could have become of it? Thirty guineas were but a trifle, but to lose them at such a moment was very tormenting!'—She felt again, and having no better success her features as|sumed a very dismal and tragical cast.

None but a heart of stone could en|dure, Page  186 unmoved, the anxiety and distress of so kind, so amiable, and so lovely a creature. I took my eleven guineas, my whole store except a few shillings, told her it was all I had, but intreated she would not put me to the pain of re|fusing the little supply I had to afford.

She thanked me infinitely; recollected she had left her purse when she retired after dinner to comb up her dishevelled hair, having taken it out with the comb and totally forgotten it; repeated that she was proceeding to London, for which a single guinea would perhaps be suffi|cient; but unfortunately she was obliged to pass through Cirencester, having a poor relation there, that was sick and in absolute want, and to whom she had pro|mised an immediate relief of ten guineas, with an intention of further support. However she could not think of accept|ing my offer: it had so strange an ap|pearance! And she would rather suffer Page  187 any thing than forfeit the good opinion of a gentleman: especially after having conversed with those good for nothing men as if acquainted with them, but of whom she knew nothing, and had there|fore supposed no harm.

The debate was long, and managed on both sides with almost equal ardour. At length however I prevailed on her to take ten of the eleven guineas; but not till she had given me a draft on her bank|er, Signed Harriet Palmer, which she assured me would be honoured the in|stant it should be presented. I took it to satisfy her scruples, but I had read the old romances, and too well under|stood the gallantry due from a gentle|man to a lady, to think of putting it to the use she intended. I lingered and knew not how to take leave; but the coach would only allow her three hours repose, I therefore reluctantly bade her good night, and we parted with mutual Page  188 admiration; hoping for some fortunate opportunity of renewing our acquain|tance.