Love in the Suds: a town eclogue, being the lamentation of Roscius for the loss of his Nyky ...

LOVE in the SUDS; A TOWN ECLOGUE.

WHITHER away, now, GEORGE* 1.1, into the city, And to the village, must thou bear my ditty. Seek NYKY out, while I in verse complain, And court the Muse to call him back again. Boeotian Nymphs, my favorite verse inspire; As erst ye NYKY taught to strike the lyre. For he like PHOEBUS' self can touch the string, And opera-songs compose—like any thing! What shall I do, now NYKY'S fled away? For who like him can either sing or say? * 1.2

For me, alas! who well compos'd the song When lovely PEGGY * 1.3liv'd, and I was young; By age impair'd, my piping days are done, My memory fails, and ev'n my voice is gone. My feeble notes I yet must strive to raise; Boeotian Muses! aid my feeble lays: A little louder, and yet louder still, Aid me to raise my failing voice at will; Aid me as loud as Hercules did bawl, For Hylas lost, lost NYKY back to call; While London town, and all its suburbs round In echoes, NYKY, NYKY, back resound. * 1.4

Whom fliest thou, frantic youth, and whence thy fear? Blest had there never been a grenadier! Unhappy NYKY, by what frenzy seiz'd, Couldst thou with such a monstrous thing be pleas'd? What, tho' thyself a loving horse-marine, † 1.5 A common foot-soldier's a thing obscene. Not fabled Nymphs, by spleen turn'd into cows, Bellow'd to nasty bulls their amorous vows; Tho' turn'd their loving horns upon each other, Butting in play, as brother might with brother. Unhappy NYKY, whither dost thou stray, Lost to thy friends, o'er hills and far away? * 1.6

Yet to Euryalus as Nisus true, So shall thy ROSCIUS, NYKY, prove to you; Whether by impulse mov'd, itself divine, Or so I'm bound to call it, as it's mine, A mighty feat presents itself to view, Which for our mutual gain I yet will do. Mean-time do thou beware, while I bemoan, How far thou trustest seas or lands unknown. To Tyber's stream, or to the banks of Po, Safe in thy love, safe in thy virtue, go; Yet even there with caution be thou kind, And look out sharp and frequently behind. But ah, beware, nor trust, tho' native Mud,† 1.7 The banks of Liffy, or of Shannon's flood; Or there, if driv'n by fate, be hush'd thy strain? Nor of thy wayward lot, nor mine complain. * 1.8 〈8 pages missing〉〈8 pages missing〉

By this most precious relick, here I pledge Myself to save him from the halter's edge: And not myself alone, but ev'ry friend Shall all his interest and assistance lend. Quaint B—, beholding the rude mob with scorn, Shall tell how Irish bards are gentle born; Next I, to captivate the learned bench, Will strait affirm that NYKY writes good French; * 1.9 Thy timid nature JOHNSON shall maintain,† 1.10 In words no dictionary can explain. Goldsmith, good-natur'd man, shall next defend, His foster-brother, ‡ 1.11 countryman, and friend: Shall prove the humbler passions, now and then, Are incidental to us little men; * 1.12

And that the part our gentle NYKY play'd Was but philosophy in masquerade. § 1.13 Let me no longer, then, my loss deplore, But to his ROSCIUS, Muse, my NYK restore. * 2.1

For who like him will patch and pilfer plays, Yielding to me the profit and the praise? Tho' cheap in French translations MURPHY deals; For cheap he well may vend the goods he steals; Tho' modest CRADDOC scorns to sell his play, But gives the good-for-nothing thing away; What tho' the courtly CUMBERLAND succeeds In writing stuff no man of letters reads; Tho' sense and language are expell'd the stage; For nonsense pleases best a senscless age; What tho' the author of the New Bath Guide Up to the skies my talents late hath cried;† 2.2

Tho' humble HIFFERNAN in pay, I keep, Still my fast friend, when he is fast asleep; Tho' long the Hodmandod my friend hath been, With the land-tortoise earth'd at Turnham-Green: * 2.3 Tho' HARRY WOODFALL, BALDWIN, EVANS, SAY, ‖ 3.1 My puffs in fairest order full display;

Impartially insert each friendly PRO, Suppressing ever CON of every foe; † 3.2 For well I ween, they wot that cons and pros Will tend my faults and follies to expose: Tho' mighty TOM doth still my champion prove, And LOCKYER'S gauntlet be a chicken glove:

Tho' shambling BECKET, ‡ 5.1 proud to soothe my pride, Keeps ever shuffling on my right-hand side; What tho' with well-tim'd flatt'ry, loud he cries, At each theatric stare, "See, see his eyes!" What tho' he'll fetch and carry at command, And kiss, true spaniel-like, his master's hand; With admiration NYK ne'er heard me speak, But press'd the kiss of love upon my cheek; * 5.2 Incessant clapp'd at th' end of every speech; And, had I let him, would have kiss'd my b—! Let me no longer, then, my loss deplore, But to his ROSCIUS, Muse, my NYK restore. But hah! what discord strikes my listening ear? Is NYKY dead, or is some critic near? Curse on that Ledger and that damn'd Whitehall † 5.3 How players and managers they daily maul! * 5.4

Curse on that Morning-Chronicle; whose tale Is never known with spightful wit to fail. Curse on that FOOTE; who in ill-fated hour Trod on the heels of my theatric-power; Who, ever ready with some biting joke, My peace hath long and would my heart have broke. Curse on his horse—one leg! but ONE to break! "A kingdom for a horse" —to break his neck! Curse on that STEVENS, † 5.5 with his Irish breeding, While I am acting, shall that wretch be reading? Curse on all rivals, or in same or profit; The Fantoccini still make something of it! ‡ 5.6

Curse on that KENRICK,† 6.1 with his caustic pen, Who scorns the hate, and hates the love of MEN; Who with such force envenom'd satire writes, Deeper his ink than aqua-fortis ‡ 6.2 bites. Stand his perpetual-motion § 6.3 ever still; Or, if it move, oh, let it move up hill. The curse of Sisiphus, oh, let him feel; The curse of Fortune's still recurring wheel

That upward roll'd with anxious toil and pain, The summit almost gain'd, rolls back again. Ne'er shall his FALSTAFF † 6.4 come again to life; Ne'er shall be play'd again his WIDOW'D WIFE; ‡ 6.5 Ne'er will I court again his stubborn Muse, But for a pageant would his play refuse. While puff and pantomime will gull the town, 'Tis good to keep o'erweening merit down; * 6.6

With BICKERSTAFF and CUMBERLAND go shares, And grind the poets as I grind the players. Curse on that KENRICK, soul of spleen and whim! What are my puffs, and what my gains to him? If poor and proud, can he of right complain That wealthier men and wittier are as vain? Why must he hint that I am past my prime, To blast my fading laurels ere their time? Death to my fame, and what, alas, is worse, 'Tis death, damnation, to my craving purse; Capacious purse! by PLUTUS form'd to hold, (The God of Wealth) the devil and all of gold. Insatiate purse, that never yet ran o'er, But swallows all, and gapes, like Hell, for more. And yet, alas! how much the world will lye! They call me miser; but no miser I; He, brooding o'er his bags, delighted sits, And laughs to scorn the jests of envious wits; If fast his doors, he sets his heart at rest, And dotes with rapture on his iron chest; No galling paper-squibs his spirits teize, But ev'n the boys may hoot him if they please. * 6.7

He scorns the whistling of an empty name, While I am torn 'twixt avarice and fame; While I, so tremblingly alive all o'er, Still bleed and agonize at every pore; At ev'ry hiss am harrow'd up with fear, And burst with choler at a critick's sneer. Rack'd by the gout and stone, and struck with age, Prudence and Ease advise to quit the stage; But Fame still prompts, and Pride can feel no pain; And Avarice bids me sell my soul for gain. Bring NYKY back, O Muse! by verse divine, The Trojan-Greeks were once transform'd to swine. By verse divine B—TTI 'scap'd the rope: Now love is known, what may not lovers hope! Ev'n as with Griffins * 6.8 stallions late have join'd With blood-hounds goats may litter, as in kind; * 6.9

Nay wanton kids devouring wolves may greet, And wolves with loving lyonesses meet. By different means is different love made known. And each fond lover will prefer his own. Strange lot of love! two friends, my soul's delight, Men call that M—r, this a Catamite! Yet bring him back; for who chaste roundelay Shall sing, now B—ST—FF is driv'n away? Who now correct, for modest Drury-lane, Loose Wycherly's or Congreve's looser vein? With nice decorum shunning naughty jokes, Exhibit none but decent, dainty folks? † 6.10 * 6.11

Ah me! how wanton wit will shame the stage, And shock this delicate, this virtuous age! How will Plain-dealers* 6.12 triumph, to my sorrow! And PAPHOS rise o'er SODOM and GOMORRAH!

Notes

• * 1.1

  The brother and constant companion of ROSCIUS; the Mercury of our theatrical Jupiter, whom he dispatches with his divine commands to mortal poets and miserable actors.
• * 1.2

  IMITATIONS.

  Quo te, Moeri, pedes; an quò via ducit in urbem? Nymphae, noster amor, Libethrides, nunc mihi carmen, Quale meo Codro, concedite; proxima Phoebi Versibus ille facit.— Quid facerem?
• * 1.3

  PEGGY WOFFINGTON, on whom our ROSCIUS, then her inamora|to, made a famous song, beginning with the following stanza: Once more I'll tune the vocal shell, To bills and dales my passion tell, A flame which time can never quell, That burns for thee, my Peggy.

  Time, however, effects strange things, as the poet says, and many have been the passions which have since agitated, and have been also quelled in the bosom of ROSCIUS.
• * 1.4

  IMITATIONS.

  — Saepe ego longos Cantando puerum memini me condere soles Nunc oblita mihi tot carmina: vox quoque Moerim Jam fugit ipsa— Omnia fert aetas, animum quoque. — Musae paulò majora canamus. — Hylan nautae quo fonte relictum Clamaffeat; ut littus Hyla, Hyla, omne sonaret.
• † 1.5

  NYKY is a half-pay officer of marines A horse-marine is a kind of meretricious HOBBY-HORSE, modò vir modò foemina.
• * 1.6

  IMITATIONS.

  Quem fugis? Ah demens!— Et fortunatam, si nunquam armenta fuissent, Pasiphaën nivei solatur amore juvenci. Oh, virgo infelix, quae te dementia cepit? Proetides implêrunt falsis mugitibus agros: At non tum turpes pecudum tamen ulla secuta est Concubitus: quamvis collo timuisset aratrum, Et saepe in levi quaesisset cornua fronte. Ah, virgo infelix, tu nunc in montibus erras!
• † 1.7

  NYKY it seems was born and bred in Ireland; where his christian name was John. How he came by the Jewish appellation of Isaac is not gene|rally known. Whether it was bestowed upon him for his resemblance to the chosen people, given him by poetical licence, may possibly be a matter of disquisition for future scholiasts.
• * 1.8

  IMITATIONS.

  Nisus ait, "Diine hunc ardorem mentibus addunt Euryale? An sua cuique deus sit dira Cupido? Aut pugnam, aut aliquid jamdudum invadere magnum Mens agitat mihi — Hàc iter eft; tu ne qua manus se attollere nobis A tergo possit, custodi et consule longè.
• * 1.9

  See the Sessions-paper; in which this admirableplea is made use of by ROSCIUS to exculpate a culprit accused of murder.
• † 1.10

  See the same; in which this pompous pseudo-philosopher affects to suppose cowardice incompatible with the character of an Italian bravo.
• ‡ 1.11

  So called from having not long since made one in a poetical triumvi|rate, which gave occasion to the following verses in imitation of Dryden's famous epigram on Milton; "Three poets in three distant ages born," &c. Poor Dryden! what a theme badst thou, Compar'd to that which offers now? What are your Britons, Romans, Grecians, Compar'd with thorough-bred Milesians? Step into Griffin's shop, he'll tell ye Of Goldsmith, Bickerstaff, and Kelly, Three poets of one age and nation, Whose more than mortal reputation, Mounting in trio to the skies O'er Milton's same and Virgil's flies. Nay, take one Irish evidence for t'other, Ev'n Homer's self is but their foster-brother.
• * 1.12

  IMITATIONS.

  Hanc ego magnanimi spolium Didymaonis hastam, Ut semel est avulsa jugis à matre perempta, Quae neque jam frondes virides neque proferet umbras, Fida ministeria et duras obit horrida pugnas Testor.

  VAL. FLAC.
• § 1.13

  It seems indeed to be growing into fashion for philosophy to go in masquerade, if there be any truth in the subject of the following; which lately appeared in the public prints.

  To Doctor GOLDSMITH, on seeing his name in the list of the mummers at the late masquerade.

  Say should the philosophic mind disdain That good which makes each humbler bosom vain; Let 〈◊〉〈◊〉 taught pride dissemble all it can, Such Rule things are great to little man.

  GOLDSMITH.

  How widely different, Goldsmith, are the ways Of doctors now, and those of ancient days! Theirs taught the truth in academic shades, Ours haunt lewd hops, and midnight masquerades! So chang'd the times! say philosophic sage, Whose genius suits so will this tasteful age, Is the Pantheon, late a sink obscene, Become the fountain of chaste Hippocrene? Or do thy moral numbers quaintly flow Inspir'd by th' Aganippe of Soho? Do wisdom's sons gorge cates and vermicelli Like beastly Bickerstaff or bothering Kelly? Or art thou tir'd of th' undeserv'd applause Bestow'd on bards affecting virtue's cause? Wouldst thou, like Sterne, resolv'd at length to thrive, Turn pimp and die cock-bawd at sixty-five, Is this the good that makes the humble vain, The good philosophy should not disdain If so, let pride dissemble all it can, A modern sage is still much less than man. MORNING CHRONICLE.
• * 2.1

  IMITATIONS.

  Ducite ab urbe domum mea carmina ducite Daphnim.
• † 2.2

  The compliments passed between these celebrated geniuses indeed were mutual; Mr. A. commending ROSCIUS for his fine acting, and ROSCIUS in return Mr. A. for his fine writing. The panegyric on both sides was equal|ly modest and just; and yet some snarling epigrammatist could not forbear throwing out the following ill-natured jeu d'esprit on the occasion.

  On the poetical compliments lately passed between Mess. G. and A

  . When mincing masters, met with misses, Pay mutual compliments for kisses; Miss Polly sings no doubt divinely, And master Jacky spouts as finely. But how I hate such odious greeting, When two old stagers have a meeting. Foh! out upon the filthy pother! What! men beslobber one another!
• * 2.3

  Two amphibious monsters, well known in the republic of letters as editors of the Critical and Monthly Reviews. The latter seems to be compared by the poet to a land-torroise buried in the earth, on account of the slowness of its motion and the clouds of dirt and dullness with which it is surrounded: the former hath been long known by the above appellation from the fol|lowing humorous description.

  LUSUS NATUREAE TYPOGRAPHUS.

  Monstrum horrendum informe ingens cui lumen ademptum. VIRG.

  I thought some of Nature's journeymen had made men, and not made them well; they imitated humanity so abominably. SHAKESPEARE.

  In Nature's workshop, on a day, Her journeymen inclin'd to play, Half drank 'twixt cup and can, Took up a clod which see with care Was modelling a huge sea bear, And swore they'd make't a man.

  They tried, but, bandling ill their tools, Form'd, like a pack of bungling fools, A thing so gross and odd; That, when it roll'd about the dish, They know not if 'twere flesh or fish, A man or Hodmandod.

  Yet, to compleat their piece of fun, They christen'd it Arch Hamilton; "But what can this thing do?; Kick it down stairs; the devil's in't If it won't do to write and print The Critical Review.

  KENRICK.
• ‖ 3.1

  Editors and printers of news-papers, well known to the public for their impartiality in regard to ROSCIUS.
• † 3.2

  A recent instance of this must not pass unnoticed. In the Public Ad|vertiser appeared lately the following quaint panegyric, suggested probably to ROSCIUS himself by his brother GEORGE the attorney.

  Nature against G— Notice of Process.

  Dame Nature against G— now by me Her action brings, and thus she grounds her plea. "I never made a man but still You acted like that man at will; Yet ever must I hope in vain To make a man like you again." Hence ruin'd totally by you, She brings her suit, &c. &c.

  B. Solicitor for the Plaintiff.

  In reply to this notice, it is said, the defendant's plea would have appeared in the same paper; but the cause was obliged to be removed by certiorari to an other court; when it appeared thus:

  Nature against G— Defendant's Plea.

  For G— I without a fee 'Gainst Nature thus put in his plea. "To make a man, like me, of art, Is not, 'tis true, dame Nature's part; I own that Scrub, fool, knave I've play'd With more success than all my trade; But prove it, plaintiff, if you can, That e'er I acted like a man." Of this we boldly make denial. — Join issue, and proceed to trial.

  A. Attorney for the Defendant.
• ‡ 5.1

  The famous THOMAS A BECKET, feigned by the poets to have been drown'd, when, being half seas over, in claret, he endeavoured to return to land: on which occasion a wicked wit of the town made the following epi|taph for his tomb.

  Here lies That shuffling, shambling, shrugging, shrinking shrimp, Tom Becket, Mammon's most industrious imp!
• * 5.2

  A customary method it seems, of NYKY'S expressing his admiration of the acting of the immortal ROSCIUS.
• † 5.3

  News-papers so called, in which ROSCIUS is not a sharer, and hath not yet come up to the price of their silence.
• * 5.4

  IMITATIONS.

  Dacite ab urbe domum mea carmina ducite Daphnim.
• † 5.5

  GEORGE ALEXANDER STEVENS the lecturer, not the Macaroni editor of Shakespeare.
• ‡ 5.6

  What formidable rivals to the immortal ROSCIUS? Harlequin, Sca|ramouch, Chimney-sweeper, Bass-viol, Astrologer, Child, Statue and Parrot! But ROSCIUS having received a formal challenge from Mr. Punch and his merry family, a pitch'd-battle, for which great preparations are now making, will be fought between them next winter; when there is no doubt but the triumphant ROSCIUS will, even at their own weapons, rout them all. There is the less reason to fear this, as he hath already exceeded even Mr.—'s activity in King Richard. It is but three or four years ago since this mock|monarch died so tamely that he was hissed off the stage; on which occasion the following epigram appeared in the papers.

  ROSCIUS REDIVIVUS.

  George! did'nt I hear the critics hiss, When I was dead?— "Yes, brother, yes, "You did not die in high rant." Nay, if they think a dying king Like Harlequin convuls'd, should spring, Let—be hence their tyrant.

  ROSCIUS, however, hath chang'd his mind, and acquired new elastic powers; in so much that the following complimentary verses appeared on the agility, which he lately displayed in the performance of that character.

  Be dumb, ye criticks, dare to hiss no more While crowded boxes, pit and galleries roar. Who says that Roscius feels the hand of Time, To blast his blooming laurels in their prime? With ever supple limbs and pliant tongue, Roscius, like Hebe, will be ever young. See and believe your eyes—did e'er you see So great a feat of pure agility? Nor Hughes nor Astley, vaulting in the air, Like Roscius makes the struck spectators stare. Nor Lun nor Woodward ever gave the spring, He gave last night in Richard, dying king! Th' immortal actor, who can die so clever, In spite of fate will live to die for ever!
• † 6.1

  A Briton blunt, bred to plain mathematics, Who hates French b—gres, and Italian pathics.
• ‡ 6.2

  The plaintive ROSCIUS seems here to have an eye to the following lines:

  The wits who drink water, and suck sugar-candy, Impute the strong spirit of Kenrick to brandy. They are not so much out: the matter in short is He sips aqua-vitae and spits aqua-fortis. PUBLIC ADV.
• § 6.3

  This multifarious genius pretends to have discovered the Perpetual mo|tion, but it must be a mere pretence; as he is weak enough to think the public ought to reward him for his discovery, and offers to disclose it on the simple terms of no purchase no pay.
• † 6.4

  Falstaff's Wedding, a play written in imitation of Shakespeare; at first rejected, as unfit for the theatre, on account of having so many of Shake|speare's known characters in it; tho' the manager himself afterwards brought on a pageant, in which were almost all Shakespeare's known characters; when finding it difficult to make any of them speak with propriety, he contented himself with instructing them to bite their thumbs, screw up their mouths, and make faces at each other, to the great edification of the audience.— This play indeed was afterwards almost entirely altered, and got up for a per|former's benefit, when it was received with the greatest applause. It has however never since been acted, either for the author's emolument or the en|tertainment of the publick, although the alterations were made at the instance of the manager; and under his promise that, if it succeeded in the represen|tation, it should be permitted to have a run.
• ‡ 6.5

  Another comedy, nearly under the same predicament with respect to the town: having been performed but once since its first run, tho' received with approbation; the manager in the mean while having brought on, and repeatedly acted, the performances of his favourite play-wrights, to almost empty benches: and yet ROSCIUS hath all the while pretended to have the highest opinion of the talents, and the greatest regard for the interest of the writer.—The manager claims a legal right, indeed, as patentee, to perform what plays he pleases; but tho' the play-house and patent be his property, he has no liberal right to make, at pleasure, a property of the players, the poets and the publick!
• * 6.6

  IMITATIONS.

  Aut pefes aut urges ruiturum, Sysiphe, saxum.
• * 6.7

  IMITATIONS.

  Sordidus ac dives, populi contemnere voces Si solitus: populus me sibilat: at mihi plaudo Ipse domi, simul ac nummos contemplor in areâ.
• * 6.8

  Unnatural monsters, familiar only with the poets.
• * 6.9

  IMITATIONS.

  Ducite ab urbe domum, mea carmina ducite Daphnim: Carminibus Circe socios mutavit Ulyssei: Carmina vel coelo possunt deducere lunam. Nunc scio quid sit amor — — quid non speremus amantes? Jungentur jam Gryphes equis, aevoque sequenti Cum canibus timidi venient ad pocula damae.
• † 6.10

  NYKY was employed by ROSCIUS to correct the Plain-dealer of Wy|cherly; which he accordingly attempted, and inscribed the attempt to his patron, "as a tribute of affection and esteem for his many shining and amiable qualities." "The licentiousness of Wycherly's muse," says this modern corrector, "rendered her shocking to us, with all her charms: or, in other words, we could allow no charms in a tainted beauty, who brought contagion along with her." Of the play of the Plain-dealer, in particular, he intimates that it had been long excluded the theatre; because, to the ho|nour of the present age, it was immoral and indecent: that on a close exa|mination, he found in it excessive obscenity; that the character of Manly was rough even to outrageous brutality; and that he thought it necessary to work the whole materials up again, with a mixture of alloy agreeable to the rules of modern refinement! SEE PREFACE TO B—FF'S PLAIN-DEALER. What a champion for decency and delicacy, morality and humanity! What improvement may not sterling wit receive from the mixture of such alloy! What an idea may we not hence acquire of modern refinement!
• * 6.11

  IMITATIONS.

  Torva leaena lupum sequitur, lupus ipse capellam, Te Corydon, O Alexis: trahit sua quemque voluptas.
• * 6.12

  A character thus admirably depicted by Wycherly, in the scene be|tween Manly and Plausible.

  Manly.

  I have more of the mastiff than the spaniel in me, I own it: I cannot fawn, and fetch and carry; neither will I ever practise that servile complaisance, which some people pique themselves on being masters of.— I will not whisper my contempt or hatred; call a man fool or knave by signs and mouths, over his shoulder; while I have him in my arms: I will not, as you do—

  Plausible.

  As I do! Heaven defend me! upon my honour! I never at|tempted to abuse or lessen any one in my life.

  Manly.

  What! you were afraid?

  Plausible.

  No: but seriously I hate to do a rude thing. No, faith, I speak well of all mankind.

  Manly.

  I thought so: but know that this is the worst sort of detraction, for it takes away the reputation of the few good men in the world by making all alike! Now I speak ill of many men, because they deserve it.