CHAP. XII. How John grew Angry, resolved to accept a Composition; and
what Methods were practis'd by the Lawyers for keeping
him from it.
WELL might the Learn'd Daniel Burgess say, That
a Law-Suit is a Suit for Life. He that sows his
Grain upon Marble, will have many a hungry
Belly before Harvest. This John felt by woful Experi∣ence.
John•s Cause was a good milch Cow, and many a
Man subsisted his Family out of it. However John be∣gan
to think it high time to look about him; he had a
Cousin in the Country, one Sir Roger Bold, whose Pre∣decessors
had been bred up to the Law, and knew as
much of it as any Body; but having left off the Profes∣sion
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for some time, they took great pleasure in Com∣pounding
Law-Suits amongst their Neighbours, for
which they were the Aversion of the Gentlemen of the
Long Robe, and at perpetual War with all the Country
Attorneys. John put his Cause in Sir Roger's Hands, de∣siring
him to make the best of it; the News had no soon∣er
reach'd the Ears of the Lawyers, but they were all
in an Uproar. They brought all the rest of the Trades∣men
upon John: 'Squire South swore he was betray•d,
that he would starve before he compounded; Frog said
he was highly wrong'd, ev'n lying Ned the Chimney-sweeper,
and Tom the Dust-man complain'd that their
Interest was sacrific'd: As for Hocus•s Wife, she took a
Hackney-Chair and came to John's House immediately
and fell a scolding at his Wife like the Mother of Belze∣bub,
You silly, aukward, ill-bred, Country Sow you,
have you no more Manners than to rail at my Hus∣band,
that has sav'd that Clod-pated, Num-skull'd
Ninny hammer of yours from Ruin and all his Fami∣ly?
it is well known how he has rose early and sate up
late to make him easy, when he was Sotting at every
Ale-house in Town. I knew his last Wife, she was a
Woman of breeding, good humour, and complaisance,
knew how to live in the World; as for you, you look
like a Puppet mov'd by Clock-work; your Cloaths
hang upon you, as they were upon Tenter-hooks, and
you come into a Room as you were going to steal away
a Piss pot; get you gone into the Country to look af- your
Mothers Poultry, to milk the Cows, churn the
Butter, and dress up Nosegays for a Holy-Day, and
meddle not with Matters that you know no more of,
than the Sign-post before your Door: It is well known
that my Husband has an establish'd Reputation, he
never swore an Oath, nor told a Lie in all his Life:
He is grateful to his Benefactors, faithful to his Friends
liberal to his Dependants, and dutiful to his Superiors;
he values not your Money more than the Dust under
his Feet, but he hates to be abus'd: Once for all, Mrs.
Mynx, leave off talking of my Husband, or I will pull
out these Saucer Eyes of yours, and make that red∣streak
Country-Face look as raw as an Ox Cheek up∣on
a Butcher's Stall; remember, I say, that there are
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Pillories and Ducking-stools.
With this, away she flung,
leaving Mrs.
Bull no time to reply: No Stone was left
unturn
•d to fright
John from this Composition. Some∣times
they spread Reports at Coffee-houses, that
John and
his Wife were ran mad; t
••t they intended to give up
House, and make over all the Estate to Old
Lewis Baboon
that
John had been often talking to himself, and seen in
the Streets without Shoes or Stockings; That he did
nothing from Morning to Night but beat his Servants,
after having been the best Master alive; as for his Wife
she was a meer Natural. Sometimes
John's House was
beset with a whole Regiment of Attorneys Clerks, Bailiffs
Followers, and other small retainers of the Law, who
threw Stones at his Windows, and Dirt at himself, as he
went along, the Street. When
John complain'd of want
of ready Money to carry on his Suit, they advis'd him to
pawn his Plate and Jewels, and that Mrs.
Bull should
sell her Linnnen and Wearing Cloaths.
