The Common Factor, no. 8

June 1994

The Common Factor

*31

I

June 1994 The Common Factor.31

Betrayed
by Elaine DePrince

Remembering Eric Howell:
Reflections on the Long March
by Corey S. Dubin

I HAVE FOUGHT for twenty years in
social justice struggles in Central
America and elsewhere. In recent
years I have focused on my own
struggles as a man with hemophilia
and HIV and on the struggles of our
community. My own role has
reached new proportions as well as
a sense of urgency, hope and some
hard sadness and despair. Where
the hell am I? Ten thousand of us
infected and we are dying faster than
once a day.
The struggle has come straight
home and the pain is almost overwhelming. And today I heard of yet
another untimely death of a friend.
I was with Eric Howell on Capitol Hill in December. He was as alive
as any of us-fighting, advocating
and saying "No More! We have had
enough of this hell and we are here
to see it rectified and changed."
Another vibrant young man with
hemophilia, confronting HIV and
still taking a stand. Each one we lose
is so unjust and criminal when you
understand the reality of what happened-and in many ways continues to happen. Eric Howell was an
up and coming voice in a community that for so many years was
voiceless. Like the rest of us he had
his strengths and weaknesses. And
he was struggling like hell to make
sense out of this nightmare.
Eric was tough, with vision and
direction. What a loss. The end of a
bright and productive future as an
important voice in this devastated,
yet on the move, community. Eric
was on the move and, like us all, he
knew that there can be no more Business As Usual. Many times he said
that corrupt business as usual resulted in the infections and deaths
of thousands.

I remember an April winter
night in Virginia in 1993 when
Jonathan Wadleigh and I drove all
night in the pouring rain to arrive in
Charlottesville to make contact with
Eric in his campus apartment. He
took us to dinner and over good Chinese food we talked about how the
community got to this place and
what we were going to do to gain
social and economic justice for those
with hemophilia and HIV.
We mulled over our collective vision for this community and how it
was time for us to take complete control over lives as people with hemophilia and HIV. A community
seeking justice. That really does
mean something important in this
hell we know called reality.
We talked of what it was like to
feel like a pariah in your own community for the first ten years of the
AIDS crisis. Eric spoke at length of
the difficulties facing a young man
living with HIV. The impact on relationships, the feelings of hopelessness regarding the possibility of a
long-term love relationship with HIV
being the reality of the day.
It was a night of resonance and
shared sadness, strength and commitment to action and change, ours
and Eric's, as well as our collective
commitment to work together in this
most important endeavor.
Eric was with us all the way. No
stopping until justice is attained and
the community shines in the light of
a new self-defined and communitycontrolled reality. The vision, our
destiny in the hands of ourselves and
our families.
Eric, you gave your soul to the
struggle. It is a further crime that
you were not allowed to see justice
served.?

IN THE LATE Autumn of 1993 I wrote
a letter that was published in The
Common Factor. My eleven year old
son, Cubby, had died of AIDS several months earlier, and I wanted to
write a book about persons with hemophilia and AIDS. I invited individuals with hemophilia and HIV/
AIDS and their families to contact
me. The response was gratifying. I
heard from many courageous people,
from all parts of the country and all
walks of life, wishing to share their
stories or those of their loved ones.
On March 14, 1994 I lost my fifteen year old son, Michael-Noah, to
AIDS. I was so enraged, following
Mike's death, that my only options
were to allow the rage to consume
and destroy me, or to direct it into a
productive channel. I chose the latter and threw myself with renewed
vigor into my book-or should I say
"our book," for a story like our
family's has, tragically, become all
too common.
I anticipate completing my book,
which I have aptly entitled Betrayed,
by August 6, 1994. I would like the
closing chapter of this volume to be
so powerful that the reader cannot
disregard what has happened to us.
I want to end this book with a roll
call of persons with hemophilia living with HIV/AIDS, and those who
have died from AIDS. I hope to be
able to include photographs.
If you wish to be included in the
final chapter of Betrayed, please contact me at: 11 Doncaster Rd, Cherry
Hill, NJ 08003.
In recognition of the problem
that disclosure may cause, you may
substitute the name of the individual
with a phrase such as "My beloved
son," "My dearest husband," etc.
- -- m
"It is more important to generate enthusiasm than to convey
knowledge. Knowledge is easily
forgotten, while enthusiasm
makes anything possible."
--Harold Allen

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