Poems : Medley and Palestina / by J.W. DeForest [electronic text]

JUDGE BOODLE.

A congressman Judge Boodle was, A cunning chief in caucus, Unversed in statesmanship and laws, But able to out-talk us.

To Boodle came a lady fair, In rich and radiant raiment, Whose coaxing smile and lovelorn air Betokened her a claimant.

"My name," she sighed, "is Edith Jane Van Tromp de Duval Bates, sir; And I am of the noblest strain In these United States, sir.

"My father's sires in days of old Led armies forth to battle; My mother's kin had stores of gold And lands and countless cattle.

"But cruel Time brought dark reverse. Alas! the sad confession! A claim against Columbia's purse Is now my sole possession.

"To battle rode George WashingtonUpon my grandsire's courser, And when the victory was won The courser was no more, sir.

"That faithful steed had borne our race In saddle, chaise and pillion; My father never saw his face, But called him worth a million.

"And now, my gracious friend, display The skill you oft have shown us; Bring in a noble claim, and pay Your labors with a bonus.

"Nor will I promise pelf alone; This heart — my courage falters— A woman's grateful heart shall throne Your image on its altars."

John Boodle shed a manly tear To see that lady's sorrow; Then squeezed her hand, and said, "My dear, I'll mount that horse to-morrow.

"I know my fellow congressmen Will back a righteous measure; And now, my Edith Jane, — or then, — Be thou my life-long treasure."

She chided not, nor drew aside, But leaned her drooping tresses Against his heaving heart, and sighed, "I'll pay you in caresses."

So Boodle every wire did pull, Rolled logs with all creation, And piped our glorious Capitol To push his legislation.

Another tax! another loan! The syndicates made honey; The people drained out, groan by groan, John Boodle's darling's money.

Then Edith Jane de Duval Bates Invited to her wedding The lobbyists of all the states That paid her plate and bedding.

They came and bowed; the nuptial knot Was tied; the time went cheery; And not a knave or fool or sot But envied John his deary.

Till midnight, revel swelled apace; Till midnight, danced the lady. But when the clock struck twelve, her face Fell strangely weird and shady.

"Away! away!" she wildly cried. "No need of wedding coaches! One beast will carry groom and bride; And swiftly he approaches."

Then galloped creaking to the door That steed of legislation Who nobly died in days of yore To rise and munch the nation.

John Boodle scarcely caught his breath, And pallid turned all faces, To see that grinning horse of death Curvet and show his paces.

The lady clapped an iron grip Upon the bridegroom, saying, "Away! begin your wedding trip! The crisis grants no staying."

Oh, gladly had the Judge delayed Another hour! till supper! She mounted, beckoned; he obeyed, And scrambled to the crupper.

One arm around his wife he threw, Much longing for a saddle; And then away, away, they flew As fast as Hell could straddle.

The bridal feasters howled with fright, The bridegroom ballowed louder; But naught availed; adown the night He darted, quick as powder.

He clutched his frightful charger's bones To save himself from falling, And rode with many twists and groans, For fearful was the mauling.

Between the yellow ribs, the air Sucked rawly with a whistle; He looked behind, no tail was there Except a point of gristle.

Grim riders joined them, fearful things, Bent warlocks, withered witches, Some-scaling high on wilted wings, Some shooting low on switches.

"Hurrah! hurrah!" the wizards bawled; "Judge Boodle leads the rabble," "Push on! push on!" the witches squalled; "What fun to see him scrabble!"

At last, afar, yet drawing nigh, He spied that monstrous scorcher, The lake of Eblis burning high, The red abyss of torture.

He strove to coax, he strove to chide, He clamored hoarse and hoarser; But nothing recked his fearful bride, And nothing checked his courser.

The steed became a shooting star, The wife became a devil; And on they sped, the swiftest far Of all the hell-bound revel.

He reached the lake, and leaped, and lit, A flashing, ashing ember! No more in Washington may sit And spout and steal our member.